They only wish they did.

Tim Hortons. Tim Hortons Everywhere. Feather 2012/07/13(Fri)18:15 No. 432115 ID: efbb86
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I had sought out the refuge of the old logs on Canada once more. The old stories of magnificent beauty, the duality of its twin cultures and this band called Rush.

What a fine band, Rush! Moving Pictures and 2112 is a great way to shatter the stoic sound of silence.

I loaded up the file of YYZ.

Feather AND The Adviser 2012/07/13(Fri)18:39 No. 432126 ID: efbb86
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Yet, I know Canadians aren't the only ones on this ship. Well, 'real' Canadians and the Quebecois.

There was one other people. They had to be picked, unless the whole of the Earth were to decry a number of concerns.

------

You need to select a major minority to be aboard the Canadian Interstellar Relocation Vessel.

Thanks(?) in part to a few purposely botched pieces of paperwork, the Québécois are only a minor minority (5%) on the ISVR, which gives Canada one minor, but secret bonus.

However, that leaves the major minority (20%). The major minority grants these wayward space travelers one secret bonus and one secret negative that will make itself known during the course of this game.

You need to select for the overwhelming number of nations that didn't have the expertise, funds or resources to build its own ISRV. Basically, you can't select the USA, Canada, Brazil, the UK, France, Germany, Russia, India, China or Japan.

You can, however, select any nation not listed. Since the bonuses aren't listed, you'll have to use your intrinsic stereotyping powers to determine what those might be.

Yes, autonomous and quasi-autonomous regions count to some extent, so you can pick people like " the Palestinians". Of course, you can't say things like "the Scottish" or "French Guyanese", since these two are under the umbrella of the United Kingdom and France, respectively.

Jamaica.

Australia.

The entire people of Tonga, and THE SLAVS.

Gypsies

Elephant Guy 2012/07/13(Fri)18:49 No. 432132 ID: 306af1
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those crazy Serbians should spice things up. pic related- it's a typical Serbian.

alternatively, fuck year Jamaica.

Australia is great.

changing my vote to Australia just because

>>432132
Yes. Choose the Serbians, If we can get another minority get the Armenians.

>>432135
YES! No minorities but Balkans. I want to see what happens when you stick the most polite people in the world in a big tin can full of Slavs and Armenians.

Djibouti.

Australia!

Australia

>>432135
Backing Serbia and/or Armenia here. It will end wonderfully, I'm sure.

Austrailian. We shall use their mastery of handling deadly wild life to tame this new world. No space crocodiles or giant sentient spider people will bring us down!

I'm gonna change my vote to Australia too.

>>432136
is gotta be the spanish. we need something to laugh at, and the québécois complain about it too much.

Feather 2012/07/13(Fri)22:21 No. 432217 ID: a28982
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The entry on Australia is an interesting one to say the least.

It said here that during the Relocation Project, the Australian government choose to side with the Canadian ISRV Relocation Project as opposed to joining the United Kingdom in their piggy back program. This set back the United Kingdom's project even further and crippled relations with the two members of the Commonwealth. This came to a head when the United Kingdom threaten economic sanctions against the two nations with Australia and Canada retaliating by disavowing the King as their head of state.

Not to be confused with the term the head of government. The head of state is a representation of nation, while the head of government is the one who's does the government-y stuff. In some nations, like the United States, President Obama is both the head of state and government, while in the United Kingdom, the Queen is the head of state and Prime Minster Gordon Brown is the head of government. What Canada and Australia did was adopt the more American system and unified both functions under their Prime Ministers to slap that bitch of a king in the face.

Of course, my music and reading was interrupted by the sound of an electronic klaxon going off, followed by computerized voice.

"I have detected two habitable planets in this this solar system. Shall I wake up the Oligarchy?"

After all my years of training. All the waiting. All the simulations, the mental scenarios, it was here! It is finally here! I need to activate protocol alpha. I need to study everything. I need to wake them up.

I don't hesitate to say yes.

five more minutes, mom...

Welp, time to rise and shine and colonize an entire planet. Let's see what we've got, what those two planets are like, and prepare the first Tim Hortons booth. I have been in stasis for a long time. I need coffee.

activate the SCANNERS.

Feather 2012/07/13(Fri)23:56 No. 432246 ID: a28982
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It had taken the Oligarchy sometime to wake up from induced slumber and to get dressed. The buzz from such a long sleep never wore of completely, but at least the whole of them was coherent.

A frail male figure stands before the Oligarchy, looking nervous. It had been decades since he'd been around an interacted with people. It was entirely possible that he simply might have forget. His appearance was disheveled, almost that of a grizzled old hobo. Yet, when he spoke it was with practiced elegance.

"Gentlemen. Ladies. After over a century of searching, our wait is final over. Yesterday, at 10:17 am, the ship's sensors had picked up not one, but two habitable planets within Solar System 17-f. While currently nameless, I've designated the two planets simply as Planet A and Planet B until we're given the opportunity to name them."

Feather cleared his throat, "Of.. Of course, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's move on with the breakdown."

"Planet A is the third planet in Solar System 17-f. It meets all the qualifications for to sustain human life. In fact, suffice to say, its the most Earth-like planet since Earth itself. According to the ship's sensors, the atmospheric mixture is optimal for breathing, the rivers and lakes are clear and drinkable, as well as the ice in both the north and south pole. It has a varied environment, ranging from bitter tundras, to humid jungles and every thing in between. To reiterate, Planet A is perfect for life. Too perfect."

"I thought it a peculiarity at first, maybe a computation error or something. But after rescanning and rechecking my facts, it was abundantly clear. You see, there's two major land masses on the planet and it seems the larger one is already occupied with another sentient species. This astonished me greatly, but the concentration of pollutants along the mouths of rivers and at the edge of bays and what not, which only solidifies the fact. I don't know how advanced they are, but considering the lack of space junk surrounding the planet as well as the lack of nuclear radiation emanating from the planet, they could be anywhere from the dawn of their industrial revolution to about... whatever their 1950s are. I won't officially know how far along they are until I get a closer look."

"What makes this even more curious is that the smaller of the two land major landmasses is uninhabited, at least by their technological standards, with no pollutants emanating from anywhere on that land. Such an advanced people would have discovered it by now and established cities. Instead, they haven't."

Feather seems lost in thought, as if he was trying to think over all the possibilities of Planet A. It didn't take long for him to snap back into reality.

"Planet B is a better bet. That is, if you feel avoiding first contact is paramount. Its the fourth planet from the sun, which would make use ideal to keep out of sight for at least a few generations"

"While habitable, there's hardly any suitable vegetation. With the exception tundra along the edges of the southern pole and a light amount of greenery around the parameter of the sole interior land mass, its an arid desert planet. I've estimated that it can regularly get [120 F] around the equator.

"This is due to the planet's rather slow rotational spin. It practically matches its orbit around star 17-f and keeps one side bombarded with sunshine, while its water-y dark side is constantly covered in a cool darkness."

"Of course, though, it is livable, much in the same way that Earth's own deserts are habitable. With its slow spin, there isn't any serious winds to kick up a lot of dust, so the air is quite breathable."

"Of course, there is another option. One that I'm not looking forward to, but will otherwise accept. We leave what we find here alone and go searching for another planet that can meet our criteria a bit better. In fact, sensors indicate such a planet might be just five light years away. The sad fact of the matter is, however, is that I don't know what kind of planet it will be. It could be anything."

"If you have any questions, I'm here to answer them."

A seems the best bet. While it WOULD be slightly tricky to deal with the settlers at first, our diplomatic skill could handle them well enough. The resources and better living climate will make things easier for long term plans and growth even if the uncolonized part is full of beasts. It's why we brought Australians and the Quebecois along. The Australians to help us tame the beasts of this new world, and the Quebecois to serve as a meat shield and bait when they start to complain.

we need to send a probe tam of some kind down to A see if something WEIRD is going on. and if need be we could pull a flying saucer and abduct someone in a rural area and figure them out. with luck pure superstition is keeping them away from the place. perhaps it's become their Bermuda triangle.

Lets go with A. Nothing says we can't incorperate them into the Grand Canadian Empire once we have a sizable population to match theirs.

>>432263
"The ISRV isn't exactly designed to be a 'flying saucer'. It was built in one of the dry docks attached to the International Space Elevator for the primary purpose of deep space travel and colonization."

"I hate to be the barer of bad news, but when we get it into an atmosphere, we're going to land. No exceptions."

>>432272
"We can send in a probe, however. We'll just need to get closer. We're on the edge of their system now. Of course, being an industrial nation of some sort, the likelihood that someone is pointing a telescope up at the night sky is high."

"According to this, we have only three probes that we could send out for additional study."

what's the speed on the probes? and keep up the scans as we close in, perhaps there is something we can detect closer that would give us a clue.

>>432282
"The speed tops out at [750 mph]. Not nearly fast enough in terms of space. Our relatively location roughly three AUs from Planet A. In short, we'll have to be over top the planet to launch them."

if they have telescopes and astronomy they will see us in orbit of their neighbor planet. so ether way they will know we are here. so get in close and send in the probes.

Probe'em. I'd rather land on A, since us Canadians never do well with deserts. Though those aussies probably would. Besides, we can deal with a few native folk, as long as they're civilized like us!

While we wait, would anyone care to join me for some Tim's? It's been too long, eh?

industrial age is still too closed-minded for us to beg for scraps. let's wait until the 2050 equivalent or so, until people can be open about how they want to have sex with aliens. then they'll welcome us with open arms. and legs.

this fucking summer is making it real clear why planet B is even worse for us. so A it is.

>Fahrenheit

we're Canadian you filthy yank, use Celsius like everyone else.

we dont know enough about A, there are too many factors, ranging from cultural, to why they have apparently *avoided* the second continent. my vote goes to planet B, because wherever we go, its going to be convinient to build our first stuctures underground, so the desert environment will not present a massive disadvantage, and because it is otherwise a FUCKING OCEAN/ROCKY PLANET, DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW RIDICULOUSLY GOOD THE RESOURCES ON THIS THING ARE LIKELY TO BE, ITS LIKE A GODDAMN CORNUCOPIA, NOBODY STARVED WITH THAT MUCH FISH AROUND, SHIT.

also i liked trigun.

>>432288
there is no top speed in space, graph that acceleration, damn you.

Let's land on Space Australia (Planet B), because fuck it, we've already got Space Australians on board, and there's enough arable land to feed people on that world. We can always build another ship later with the resources we mine on Space Australia. A lot later.

Also, there's obviously something wrong with Continent 2 of Planet A. We just can't see it.

>>432337

If Planet B is Space Australia, Continent 2 is obviously Space Quebec.

Our choice seems to be between First Contact Challenge, Survival Challenge, and Mystery Challenge. First Contact gets my vote; let's go to Planet A.

>>432337
The continent is probably just avoided for cultural reasons.

Or maybe the sea is exceptionally dangerous?

>>432469
Maybe Continent B is made of angry bees and napalm. Maybe Space Jesus was born there, and we'd be landing the ship on Mecca. We just don't know.

>>432586

Whatever the reason for the empty continent, we have the option of getting in touch with the planet's inhabitants and asking them about it before we actually land on Continent 2. There's a whole continent of other landing sites to choose from.

Let's take a closer look at B

Just asking, but was a radio signal analysis done of Planet A to check if they're broadcasting? I assume we have a directional antenna capable of detecting surface AM radio stations from three AU out.

Perhaps Feather would tell me otherwise, but I see no reason to rush to choose a planet without closer inspection. I propose we bring the ship into orbit around Planet B, do as much scanning and study of it as can be done from high up, then head to Planet A to do the same. However, if this is not possible, I say we head to Planet A. Whichever way, we'll still do extensive examinations before choosing to set down or not.

Feather 2012/07/17(Tue)00:29 No. 433751 ID: af6754
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After minutes of intense debate, the vote was tallied and the move to Planet A went underway.

The trip took a little more than an hour, though half of that was getting The Oligarchy acclimated to the Tim Horton's dispenser in the lounge.

They soon arrived at Planet A, filled with synthetic coffee and Space donuts in their collective stomachs. It was a great thing they choose A over B as well, considering that Planet B was on the opposite end of the sun currently.

Feather ran off to do additional scans and calculations, but call everyone back into the conference room once everything had been settled.

"Ladies. Gentlemen. May I present in its fullest glory, Planet A."

The weathered old man pressed a few buttons an a two dimensional map was presented to them in either of their private screens.

He continued, "While the image is off slightly, due to usual difficulty in map making, I can assure you that all the information presented on the map is correct and I chose such map style due to its familiarity and ease."

"And before you make any objections, don't worry. I've parked the ship by one of its two moons, which slightly obscures us from any snooping telescopes."

>>432733
"I remember someone asking of me to scan for potential radio broadcasting. I took the liberty of such and discovered nothing. FM, AM, Shortwave.. the whole spectrum of wireless broadcasting. I did discover something related, but I'd like to familiarize you folks with the map before I continue my discussions."

"As you can discern, the royal blue represents bodies of water with concentrations of salt in them, while the lighter blue represents fresh water and the off-white is frozen water. The lighter green represents rainforest while the yellow-ish color is for desert. The grey is for mountains. And I suppose the only thing left to mention is that the darker green is for other varying landmasses, but I assume you've already made that correlation."

"What you might not understand is the black squares. This is where the sources of pollution have been emanating from in high concentrations. No doubt, these must be their cities where they factories are located."

"You'll also notice that there's also a black line running between to of the cities. This is where pollution is also coming from, but in less concentrations. No doubt, its possibly a railroad with coal burning trains. A more intensified scan of this area approved a theory I have; that there's electric telegraph wire running between the two cities in question. This seems to be a relatively new development, though. Other such cites don't have between city rails nor telegraph. Sea and river travel must be dominate, which makes the empty landmass all the more curious."

"Regardless, your options exist as such."

"We have three probes that we can send to the surface of this planet or Planet B. If you'd like to send them, please indicate where and what you hope to expose (or at least, garner some general knowledge from it). All probes come equipped with camera and sensors. Our sensors have a decent broadcasting range, so if you choose to visit the other planet, by all means. Information may be slow coming, but not enough to render its operation as a probe on the planet useless. We can't leave the solar system. However, I assume that no one here wants to do that."

"We can forgo launching the probes and simply land. The unfortunate nature of this vessel once we enter the atmosphere we can't leave the planet, due to its mass and design. Retrofitting the ISRV could take decades, and that assuming we have enough thrust to get her off the ground and we completely negate our task"

"Our third and final course of action is to leave this planet alone for now and check out Planet B. As I said before, we can launch one, two or even three probes down to the surface of Planet A and save any remaining probes for Planet B."

"Of course, if you have a choice of action I haven't mentioned or simply have some questions, I'm here.

odd, the cities seem to be in clusters. send down all three probes. one to examine the unused landmass, another to check out a city with a railway connection and the third to check out a city on the island.

Trout 2012/07/17(Tue)00:45 No. 433759 ID: 99090a
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Place probes as indicated by the red dots. I'm curious about that big wide-open space on the first continent.

>>433752
"Not that odd of an occurrence. After all, the Industrial Revolution on Earth was confined mainly to Western Europe and North American in its early stages. No doubt, the other parts of the continent have societies that are simply less developed."

Send a probe to that cluster of lakes and oasis on the inhabited continent, and the lake/forest area on the uninhabited continent

Juroko!xtfR9zfaog 2012/07/17(Tue)01:03 No. 433769 ID: 3ae52c
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Hmmm... honestly I'd say we should send one probe near one of the major cities to see how advance they are and what exactly they are, one probe near the big lake on contenant B, and one near the mountains and series of lakes in the northern part of continent A.

Giant fresh water lakes will be a major boon, offering us a clean water source for growing crops and fishing. Not to mention it's more bountiful than just from a river. The point near the mountain on continent A offers a bit of a choke point while also offering access to the rivers and lakes. Not only that, but the mountains could offer us a bounty of resources to work with. It's also a fair distance away from the northern most city, but not too far north.

The way it looks though, it seems like the natives originated near the southern tip, maybe the center? Probably why there are no major cities up north.

Also, we can look at space austrailia once we are fully nestled and can plan on inhabiting more worlds. As is, we should focus the probes on A; Figuring out what and who the natives are, B: Finding a good location on continent A and C: figure out what's on continent B.

>>433751
What map projection are you using? I hope it's not Mercator.

I think we should definitely save one probe for Planet B, in case we find giant horrible monsters on this planet or something else that would make it unfavourable. I really don't want to land blind in case we settle for Plant B, we need at least one probe in reserve.

>>433783
I gotta agree. We send one probe to where we plan to settle, and scout out the rest of the planet via more conventional means. Like spy planes.

>>433771
"Miller Cylindrical.. So the distortions aren't as bad as it could be with Mercator, but the polar caps definitely aren't as large as implied by this map and it doesn't look nearly as ugly as Galls-Peters."

"Still though, I wanted a rectangular map to fit the rectangular shape of your rectangular screens. If you want to make an interrupted sinusoidal map, be my guest. Me though, I don't like using orange peels for maps, eh?"

>>433797

you're a wise advisor.

I propose we send one probe into a rainforest. it won't likely be detected, and it'll give us a whole lot of information on native flora and fauna. we should also send one not too far from civilization. I really want to know what the native sentient species is like.

I hope they have boobies.

>>433761
"I still think it's insane to attempt a landing on an inhabited alien world we know nothing about. Since you all insisted we land on it anyway despite my objections, I suggest we deploy one probe to the western desert, one to the southern island, and one to the Eastern Continental Desert. We'll need to make contact sooner or later, and sooner is better than later so we can learn whether or not we need to hightail it to Planet B."

I honestly don't see why we're trying to hide. As long as we don't silhouette the ISRV against the moon, and turn our external lighting off, we'd be just as dark as space to anybody down there using a telescope.

I propose we move the ship into an orbit close enough that we can get a good look at what's down there, so we can better choose probe sites. In fact, we could get a look at the natives from up here, since I assume the cameras available are at least as good as what used to be found on spy satellites. Park ourselves at 37,000 km up, and we could read their newspapers with that kit.

Feather 2012/07/18(Wed)21:31 No. 434444 ID: 493ead
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>>433913
"That would be a brilliant move and I would applaud you for your tactical insight. Unfortunately, the goof-ass engineers that came up with this ISRV tethered the impulse drive into the main populations' cryo-statis chambers. Shutting off the 'naturally' luminescent engines also means shutting off the cryo-statis chambers. It pisses me off too, but what can you do? We don't the luxury of reconfiguring both the software and rewiring everything."

"And by we, I mean me. I'm not exactly aware of your qualifications and I feel uncomfortable touching such delicate areas of my ship. Err.. No offense."

>>433821
"Your concerns are duly noted, Senator One. The auto-stenographer have recorded these words in both audio and text format. If you'd like to make your fellow members of the Oligarchy eat those words later, well, it will recall them."

>>433793
"Spy planes would have definitely been a brilliant addition to equipment allotted in cargo storage. That is, if it wasn't so full of farming equipment. Damn farming equipment! There is four helicopters, but you can't drop one of those from high orbit, really."

>>Everyone
"There is a two, reoccurring consensuses here. That a single probe should be saved for the strangely dubbed "Space Australia" and one should be sent toward city, with a minor focus on a city connected to rails."

"Unfortunately, there isn't any determinable consensuses on how the second Planet A probe should be used. There is, however, a number of good suggestions."

"At the expensive of seeming as if I'm showing favoritism, Senator Juroko had the excellent idea of sending a probe near the lake in the Uninhabited Continent.I altered the original location slightly to gravitate it more toward the south, so we can take the liberty of exploring a variety of ecosystems later without wasting fuel by needless trekking."

"Once the probes arrive, it will be 24 hours before I collect all the data recorded, so we will remain here for awhile until we can go to Planet B for further study.

"All in favor of the proposed plan say, Aye. All opposed, say Nay and perhaps a brief explanation as to why. You can also Abstain, though I can't foresee a reason as to why."

Aye!

Aye

>>434444
Aye!

Aye. That sounds like a good division of resources, and until we know more about continent B, one location on it is as good as any other.

Aye. This works well.

Aye, unless a probe could be used as a spy satellite, in which case I say nay, and call for the probe targeted at the city be launched as a spy satellite, and recovered before we make planetfall.

Feather, since you have had such long experience with this ship, perhaps you should compile all your complaints and misgivings about her design, along with ideas to improve her. Then attach them to the beginning of the ISRV construction plans in the archive, for the benefit of our decedents when they get to the point of building their own.

Aye, though I must note that living near a large freshwater lake is often less pleasant than it sounds. We canadians should know this. Flash storms of epic proportion, katabatic wind, and vast blankets of freezing fog are all concerns for a lake of that latitude.

>>434477
Also, this guy has good ideas.
Make it happen.

does a camel's ass get tight during a sandstorm?

>>434660
No, they're just naturally hardassed. Anyway, let's drop a probe near that lake. I just want to launch the bloody things and get this over with. Maybe the aliens will be friendly, attractive blue women. Although I'm pretty sure if that were true I'd jump out the airlock.

>>434666

wrong. they manually tighten their ass. it was a rhetorical question synonimical to the phrase "does a bear shit in the woods?"

>>434682
What? Whatever. Let's just launch the probes and be done with it. Since we have decided to make contact, we can always ask for their most useless land if we need to. Can we have an inventory on our weapons? Or did the American ISRV get all the damn guns?

>>434691
Why would we need guns? We're perfectly polite anyway, no one would dare attack us. And as for any wildlife, well, that's why we brought the Aussies, eh?

>>434692
Oh for the love of- Did NONE of you read the Hitchhiker's Guide? It doesn't matter how polite you are, you need to have SOMETHING. Otherwise the Krikketers or the Silastic Armorfiends or the Vogons will murder us all to death. Can someone who isn't hopelessly idealistic check our inventory?

>>434707
Well, in that case, we have plenty of towels. Again, we'll be fine!

>>434708
Actually, we don't. Towels were cut from the budget before we left Earth. Only the US could afford the "luxury" of towels on an interstellar colony ship. Why did you think I was so nervous?

Aye. Could we get brief overview our entire inventory?

I'm pretty sure we have some weapons on board, or at least the plans, and production facilities to quickly manufacture them once we land this tub. They wouldn't even have to be fancy modern guns; Stuff of World War One or Two level would be enough to fight the locals, and wouldn't take as many resources to produce.

Look, even if we do not have a large number of weapons or towels, we can likely make due with using the terrain as a shield for our initial landing spot. They don't seem to have flying down just yet if they haven't explored the other continent so either they will need to come at us by foot, or by whatever vehichles they have.

If we stay near mountains and wooded terrain, they will be hard pressed to come at us. Besides, mountains means mineral deposits and I'm sure we could use building supplies for more Tim Hortons.

>>434736
Tim Horton's? Some days I regret immigrating to Canada. Don't we have any lunch franchises? Anywho, I recommend construction of a Runway as soon as we're down, and the fabrication of simple aircraft to provide adequate surveillance of our surrounding area. Probe scans are all well and good, but I prefer something more up close and personal.

Abstain. I need more coffee to make an important decision like this, dammit.

aye, if the reason for that landmass staying empty is something we can deal with it would be a perfect landing location.

>>434749
...Tim's DOES do lunch.

GET HIM, HE'S AN AMERICAN PLANT.

>>434843
Considering we're going by industrial pollution levels to detect cities, that continent could be full of pre-industrial cities that we just can't detect from this far out. We'll just have to wait for the probe data to come back.

>>434847
...Or he's from the contingent of Australians that are supposed to be here. You know, the ones that partially funded this colonization effort. So please keep the accusations down.

>>434847
Oh shi-
>>434862
Uhhhhh, yes. Yes. I am an Australian. Shrimp on the barby. Strewth. Good day, mate.

aye, I say!

>>434847
Why the hell would the U.S. plant anyone on this ship? Honestly, if anyone would want to screw with our mission, it'd be the U.K., not the U.S.

>>434870
...Really, you better be joking, 'cause otherwise you're the worst infiltration agent ever.

The old man blinked as he looked up from his own personal screen. It was apparent that he hadn't been listening at all, lost in his world of data.

"I don't care how tight Australian towels are, to be frank. I never heard of such an outrageous
stereotype, anyway."

>>434477
"That... doesn't sound like a bad idea at all, actually. Both of them!"

"Of course, the probe's only have one directional thruster on it. It doesn't have any photovoltaic cells on it either. I mean, it has a solid battery inside of it, but what kind of dill-weed creates a probe that can't be continuously charged? The kind I'm going to complain about, obviously.

>>Inventory
"I.. also heard someone say something about inventory? Yeah. I'll compile the data here shortly."

>>Everyone
"But yeah. Ayes have it. Motion passes. Blah blah blah. The probes are being sent to the indicated locations and we'll get a good look at what's down there, shortly."

"Anyway, I think we should see what sandwiches were left in the Tim Horton's booth on here while we wait, maybe watch some Trailer Park Boys... Who's in?"

>>434749
Don't worry, One. The only reason I know about Tim Hortons lunches is because we have Tim Hortons here in SoOh. I think I'll go right now, actually. Ya'll not shutting up about Tim Hortons...

Me. Spending a century on ice works up a surprisingly big appetite.

I could use a nice sandwich and a warm cup of coffee. Entertainment would be nice too before we have to figure out where we'll land, what to do about the natives and how to set up our new home.

no thanks. I'll be in my room getting high. err, on life.

>>435045
And you complained about me being a crappy infiltrator? I'm a SPY and I make a better leader than you. At least I can make decisions when I'm not high.

Also, move for recess whilst I get a sandwich.

Now now One, I suggest you change your tune. You are a member of this ship, spy or not and we DO need someone to look through and read every. Single. Complaint the Quebecois have for us. You can have that honor if you wish to continue on that course.

>>435133
All I'm saying is, with competition like Senator Elephant, I started feeling rather bad about spying on you. Seriously, I had to personally make sure NiN got "tragically delayed", or they'd be here right now. PLAYING MUSIC. I think you guys need an American touch. Who else is going to keep Harper on ice?

*facepalm* Note to self. When we get ourselves established, be sure to improve internal security. By the way, what good does a spy do when those you are reporting to are over a century away?

I motion we throw the spy in the slammer.

>>435178
Mostly, I'm just here to collect data and transmit it back, so they can know what exactly happens, even on a delay. Like looking at the CIA Factbook through an AOL connection. Don't worry, it's not like they actually care what happens. I'm only here because the only remaining space on the American ISRV was Duct Tape class, and the Director of the CIA owed me a favor.

And I'd gladly handle the complaints from the Quebecois, as I don't even speak French. Honestly, I figured I'd have to lobby you not to get spaced.

Back, Finally. Feather 2012/08/14(Tue)01:44 No. 442841 ID: 63bf6b
File 134493387868.jpg - (179.85KB , 640x480 , 1081401-PUY82RS.jpg )

Seconds had lapsed into minutes. Those minutes begat hours. Soon, a whole period of time passed. Thirty-six hours, in fact. Unfortunately, longer than expected, but not enough to deter the spirit of Feather.

Interestingly, he had spent most of it alone. After all this time, he grown accustomed to working without the prying eyes of others. Now, the expectation of someone other than himself made him nervous and he had to spend his time locked inside of the bridge to work.

Yet, all that would come to pass. Feather called the meeting over the intercom. His voice shook with the excitement of one thousand children on Christmas morning, so much so that the message had to be repeated in great excess. This wouldn’t have been so bad if it had been a time other than 4 AM.

Feather was literally on the edge of his seat when the Oligarchy arrived, ready to stand erect whenever he threw the last remaining social conventions out the window.

“Alright! Alright! Okay. Alright. Okay.” He paused before adding, “Okay.”

Beginning was the most difficult part of this task. He wanted to just start off with something other than the beginning, but procedure was procedure.

“Alright. Life. We know its on the planet, but to what extent? That’s why we sent the probe and that’s what we’re going to find out today.”

He played the video. The crashing through the atmosphere made it choppy, though Feather was proud to state. “It held up better than I expected. There was a 2% chance that it would break apart or lose functionality, either in the atmosphere or upon impact. Luckily, neither was the case for both probes.”

“Oh! Yeah. This one is the one we aimed toward that railway outside of the city. Prevailing headwinds sent it off course slightly. Interestingly, to the northwest as opposed to the southeast. Analysis suggest that this is just as usual on the planet itself. Might have been an interesting wind front or something. I’m not a weatherman, by any means.”

The video continued to show it all flying faster and faster toward the ground.until it suddenly jarred and floated upward slightly--a parachute deploying. Below, they could see the railway. Two lanes of rail traffic, one leading into and the other leading out of the city, with deciduous forests and farmland surrounding it all. He paused the video and zoomed in on the image of the city, the pixilation obscuring it. The original image exists alongside of it, but at this size, it’s difficult to make out.

“This is the best image I could get out of the city. It’s clearly industrialized, as you can note by the smokestacks. Some of the building also appear to be stacked... Like a ziggurat. Given the pyramid’s size, scope and the expansiveness of the city, this is probably one of the oldest civilizations on the planet. The fact that they managed to hold onto political power for what could be centuries if not a millennium or two is astonishing in and of itself. The closest Earth ever got was Rome, and that‘s if you count Byzantium.”

“Now, as you can clearly see, you’ll notice that even the newer building follow a similar motif; its as if it’s the bastard lovechild of Germany‘s brick expressionism and Mesoamerican architecture, with its intricate designs and ’stepped’, wedding cake-like bu buildings. The structures themselves never seem to exceed five or six stories, so they haven’t started to use steel for construction. The roadways are small and narrow with the exception of a few thoroughfares, so the likelihood of automobiles or trolleys is almost non-existent.”

Feather pressed play on the video again and it continued to fall to the ground below slowly. Grumbling, the old man pressed fast-forward until it reached the ground, the camera aiming up at the sky now. As it continued to fast-forward through the day until it arrive at one particular place. He pressed pause and revealed a remarkable still image.

“This is our alien race.” He paused for dramatic effect. “They look kind of like ant-eaters, don’t they? Whatever they are, they‘re clearly mammalian. The girl has boobies. Fuzzy boobies. They’ve also developed a sense of modesty, albeit still scantily clad. I’d imagine the clothing most of us are used to would heat them greatly. The male looks to have gold around his neck. Could be wealthy, but he could also be more of a commoner. We don‘t know how rare gold is on this planet.”

“What interests me most about the picture is the gun. It has a musket-style end on the barrel, suggesting that they haven’t discovered rifling yet. What’s curious is the circle in the middle of the gun. I have no idea what it could mean, actually. Clip, maybe? I’m not a firearm guy. I’m attuned to the guns on my ship.”

“There’s also rectangular eyes on the male, which only begs the question on why an ant-eater man would have goat eyes and why the females wouldn’t have it. Could be an evolutionary trait developed during their hunting and gathering phase, giving them a wider look at the fields or whatever.”

Feather pressed play on the video once more. They seem to look at it intensely for nearly fifteen minutes before the male figure jumps and shoots at it with his gun, destroying the lens and effectively ending the video.

“Probe worked in some capacity, but mostly for data and it covers what we already know. It’s an earth-like planet. Air’s fine. Water’s fine. Soil’s fine. Gravity’s fine. Bacteria and viruses are similar to our own. It continued to operate in this capacity before all contact was disrupted six hours before this meeting started.”

“If you have any questions or comments about this probe, speak up! Otherwise, we’ll move onto the next one.”

>>442841
How powerful would that gun have to be to do the damage sustained to the probe? A weapons assessment could be handy. Did the probe do anything to provoke that reaction? Or was there some noise elsewhere that spooked the male? It would help to know how likely these folks are to shoot us if we try to open relations.

No... seems to be a bit off to be a normal cylinder. The position is off. Could be something different, but we won't know.

If these folks are pretty much the same for thousands of years, we may have an advantage if we figure out how they work when things go.. hairy. After all, tradition does not work if the foes are adaptive. It's how many ancient powers fall after all.

Either way, next probe please?

no questions! I'm gonna fuck it.

My best guess as to the cylinder on the pistol would be a magazine, as you suggested, since there doesn't seem to be any design features that indicate muzzleloading; It seems to be a early semiautomatic with a fluted barrel. However the lack of an ejection port is puzzling and unless they've developed and standardized caseless ammunition hundreds of years early, it can't be anything but a muzzleloader. In which case, then I would say the cylinder is simply a semi-exposed trigger group that is much further on the pistol than what we are used to.

The lack of a uniform and proper protection or tools on the male indicates that he's not of any kind of military force, and most likely a citizen. The fact that he has a firearm probably means that the government in this area is not totalitarian enough to forbid its citizenry from owning weapons. As long as they're not paranoid enough to shoot us on sight, first contact should be relatively simple; but we need to gather details about their society first.

What's the climate in this region? Temperatures, humidity, ect? Go ahead and move on, by the way.

yeah the jump before shooting indicates being nervous and then being spooked. it probably regretted it when it realized the probe was not the cause of the spooking.

and yeah anything on the second probe or did it land and nothing happen? at the moment it looks like they simply don't have long range boats so they just haven't reached the second continent yet.

>>443139
Is there audio to go with the video? Perhaps what spooked him could be determined from that. There'd also be more to analyze, after the lens was shot, from the audio track.

Could the probe have made a loud noise or done any other sudden action that would have startled him? A soil sampling arm, or something like that?

Could you tell if the probe was being moved before contact was lost? If so, in what direction. I'd like to know, for curiosity's sake, where it's most likely the parts of it will show up after it's disassembled for study.

Oh, and on that note, does the probe use a nuclear based power source? That'll cause some deaths by radiation poisoning when they crack it open. We'll want to remember to tell them that when we finally make diplomatic contact at some point. It might clear up what caused some odd deaths for them.

Also, about how tall are these aliens? Significantly shorter or taller than average humans? We could also roughly estimate their mass, based on their observed dimensions.

Did they speak, or open their mouths, at any time during the recording? ...Do they even have mouths? Are those beaks or ant-eater like snouts?