Dragon spotted, engage in hug. You are too wizardy to be threatening in melee combat.

Is that a dragon poking around the corner, or is it just happy to see us?

Scry on the stripper paladin as he returns to his order's HQ, then teleport in to rescue some half-dragon princess with poor impulse control from the rehab program.

"Quick! Try to look as adorable and as kidnappable as possible without seeming especially edible!"

Mistress play with your necklace so it shines pleasantly in the sunlight.

That is no dragon, that is a giant weird looking snake, so there is no reason to turn around and acknowledge it.

>>676562
A giant weird looking snake is fine too. (If it's sapient.)

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)19:14 No. 676565 ID: defceb
File 144487524881.png - (115.30KB , 434x756 , f14.png )

“Dragon at our six.”

“Ah! I mean, uh, no sudden moves!”

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)19:14 No. 676566 ID: defceb
File 144487527545.png - (66.12KB , 573x640 , f15.png )

“hmmmm I thought I smelled gold but I didn’t expect to find something so pretty, too. Yessssssss…” They hiss in a fashion similar to a large engine. “I think I could enjoy you.”

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)19:14 No. 676567 ID: defceb
File 144487528499.png - (79.05KB , 618x545 , f16.png )

-internal screaming-

Slowly and deliberately crotch-thrust.

>>676567
Psst. Master, this is your chance. Put your moves on him.

(Oh god I just hope the dragon isn't talking about the Familiar)

Perfect, they already like you. Play hard to get. You kicked a paladin out of your home just this morning. Confidence!

>>676568
NO.

Play hard-to-get, because you never know if your mark is a pathetic creep wearing a sock-puppet. Make them EARN your lust.

Begin the chase through the well-populated and brainwashed masses! Give them a good time proportional to how much mayhem they cause. And how long it takes to catch you, of course.

try 'oh all this gold is so heavy, how will i ever make it back to safety in time?'

>>676567
Down potions of fireproofing, and physical resistance, just in case.

He said someTHING so pretty; I hope this isn't a sign that Mistress isn't what he's calling pretty. Better not try to take us away from Mistress.

>>676566
"As long as it's lewd things and not vore you're talking about, mister. I need her alive."

"Oh no, my mistress who is single and definitely not thirty yet, a dragon is approaching please flee I'll hold it off!"

Yes this is the most subtle deception of all time.

>>676580
Would a dragon value youth in a human? Hm. Seems suspect to me.

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)20:41 No. 676586 ID: defceb
File 144488049703.png - (94.78KB , 606x449 , f17.png )

“Psst. This is your chance. Play hard to get.”

“Oh, uh, uhm, right!” They make a mock attempt to run away. “Oh no! All this precious gold and treasure is so heavy! Whatever will I do?”

“I can’t do this.” It sighs and flops down onto the ground behind you. “I’ve been lying to myself for far too long. I can’t keep up this charade of chasing after young women and precious jewels. It’s time I let my colors show.”

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)20:41 No. 676587 ID: defceb
File 144488051773.png - (80.85KB , 618x545 , f18.png )

They stand up tall and release a full-bellied shout into the air. “I, Partax the Great, am a homosexual!”

-internal screaming intensifies-

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)20:42 No. 676588 ID: defceb
File 144488053402.png - (90.14KB , 668x628 , f19.png )

“That’s a real weight off my back. Thank you puny human and attractive stone ally, for helping me come to terms with myself.” They soar off into the sky.

“...so.”

“...so.”

“...third times the charm?”

...prostitutes?

>>676588
Uh, there aren't any other dragons nearby are there?

Oh well. How about that outsider you were talking about earlier?

Find a cute farmboy or something and make him your apprentice. He'll fall madly in love with you.

Sure, eventually he gets cursed or scorned or something and either dies tragically or usurps you, but till then it's all snuggles and shit.

You should really try tentacle monsters. Like...they give the best...

...hugs.

summon an incubus/succubus demon. They should be everything you want in a lover and more.

Well damn, that didn't work.

Time for a princess?

>>676588
Wait wait, I got gender swap potions! We can make this woooooork!

Or what if we cast a spell and have the witch and familiar switch bodies? You find that thing attractive, right?

...

>“...third times the charm?”
Let's just kidnap a princess and defile her.

trying to make things take you hasn't worked, time to take things yourself.

Step 1: Kidnap Maiden
Step 2: Steal her clothes
Step 3: hide Maiden somewhere else
Step 4: disguise self as maiden
Step 5: Lock self in dungeon

>>676588
Why do I get the feeling that he does not know the correct definition of "Homosexual"?

Whatever. Time to raid the local castle. Do whatever it takes to get the girl.

Screw it, get as many people as you can kidnap and don't be picky... just take anyone you can non-lethally takedown.

Begin the slaughter, and end a kingdom in your festering rage.

Maybe she's got a curse

Try a wizard dating site?

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)21:59 No. 676603 ID: defceb
File 144488515564.png - (89.45KB , 769x440 , f20.png )

"Maybe instead of trying to get kidnapped you should be the one doing the kidnapping? You're a wizard, you can just make them love you."

"What like some kind of harem-gathering evil... over... lord...?"

Apollo 2015/10/14(Wed)21:59 No. 676604 ID: defceb
File 144488518672.png - (95.17KB , 769x440 , f21.png )

"...yes. Yes I think that's a brilliant idea. Familiar, please begin making evil overlord harem gathering plans."

>>676603
"Kay. Let's start over at the bishie kingdom, they tend to be deceptively strong so we need to quell their forces as soon as possible lest we be overrun with girly men with huge swords in a way we DON'T want.

After that, we move onto the bara tribes."

>>676604
As you wish, Master.
First, we survey opportunities. Scry around with a filter for attractive men and women. Then we put together a golem army and teleport them in to snatch the candidates.

We'll need an impenetrable fortress too. Time to step up security.

>>676604
We will need to construct a magic housing for your harem. Perhaps we can contact the outsider for extra-dimensional space?

If someone tries to rescue the harem, you can pretend to be a harem girl, and get yourself rescued (from yourself) for extra loving. And then capture your rescuer and add them to the harem.

>>676604
Find the hottest half-dragon half-human draconic dude out there.

scry that shit yo

You heard the lady, time to make some evil overlord harem gathering pants.

Start by baiting all the morons in a random kingdom into a deep, dark hole. Then watch the nation fall apart as you slowly capture everyone else during the ensuing civil war.

Apollo 2015/10/15(Thu)00:47 No. 676626 ID: defceb
File 144489527151.png - (267.44KB , 817x864 , f22.png )

The plan goes off without a hitch. After sneakily abducting all of the bara or bishounen men, legions of golems pour out of portals into the relatively unattractive kingdoms to kidnap every other attractive person they can find. Whether from a lack of emotional fulfillment or a sudden desire for power the wizard ends up conquering the entirety of human civilization before they’re satisfied.

She never does find true love, but at least she has an endless supply of cute boys to fill the hole in her heart. -wink-

THE END!

Paladins tossed: 1/1
Dragons dragged out of the closet: 1/1
Nations conquered: All of them/Quite a lot
Cute boys: All of them.
Illuminati plots exposed: 0/3
Wizard?: No sense of right or wrong/100

Are we a pikmin? I'm pretty sure we're a pikmin.

>>676604
Alright, step one: build inescapable harem lair dungeon. Or invest in lots of love potions. That also works.

Step two is to scout for appropriately Stockholmable hunks. Or vixens. Whichever it is you're looking for.

>>676626

YOU DIDN'T DO OPERATION DRAGONFUCK RIGHT AT ALL. This is the WORST POSSIBLE END.

Suggestion 2015/10/15(Thu)01:16 No. 676630 ID: f0e552
File 144489699875.jpg - (258.06KB , 817x864 , HOLD UP.jpg )

>>676626
>Illuminati plots exposed: 0/3
WAIT JUST A FUCKING MINUTE

>>676630
There are actually 7 Illuminati plots! The seventh one was making us believe there were only 3

How the @#$% do we look for Illuminati Plots? We REALLY want to start this side-quest but you don't give us ANY information to get STARTED!!!

>>676641
the joke







your head