(animated) Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)07:41 No. 474848 ID: 056536
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But a malaise hangs upon your shoulders like the weight of your war-saddle. An elegant depression! You figure every romantic hero needs to be really sad sometimes. You’ve let your nap stretch hours longer than usual, and your dreams have been fitful and restless.

Your faithful stoat companion Pocket has gotten bored of all of this and won’t stop hopping around shouting her head off.

“Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup!”

She can be annoying, but she is also small, so she is easy to ignore.

A: Indulge in your melancholia like some ferret hero from a romance novel.
B: Get bored of being sad and DO SOMETHING.
C: Grab Pocket in your mouth until she’s not as loud as she is right now.

C

Do C and then B.

B! Melancholia gets boring very quickly, especially for such a capable individual as yourself, and doing something will probably keep Pocket amused as well. What sorts of things are nearby?

Who are those little mice you have with you?

A

C, and then fall asleep before remembering to let her out.

b

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)08:12 No. 474858 ID: 056536
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B, then C

You wait quietly, feigning disinterest in Pocket’s frantic scramblings. Soon she makes the mistake of coming too close to your mouth. With a clever snap of your whole face you pluck her off the ground and heft her into the air.

“Nonono lemmego lemmego I’m not breakfast lemmegolemmego.”

You realize holding her in your mouth has absolutely no chance of quieting her down, ever, but at least her bouncing is restrained to one single location. Also her struggles feel nice on your tongue.

But you ignore her. You’re more than done with being bored. It’s time for action. It’s time to get up and DO something.

You know you’re sad because something is missing in your life, and it’s time to change that!

… but what’s missing?

A: All the wolves have bird companions and you don’t. You need to get a bird companion to complete your bandit band.

B: You gear isn’t flashy, isn’t excellent enough. You need some rocking new gadgets to complete your bandit arsenal.

C: You have not left behind a history of wooed ladies. What kind of dashing rogue are you if you haven’t seduced any ladies?

C is always the correct answer.

Go for B! B is now the new C.

>>474859
woo a Bird lady! (A and C)

PEEP PEEP PEEP
Get bird, then woo bird.

bird ladies

AC; woo a bird lady.

All of the above. You need flashy gear to woo a bird lady with.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)08:48 No. 474869 ID: 056536
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C is for Wooing

What kind of rogue doesn’t have a tail of women pining after him?

The answer is Not the Best Bandit. You are the Best Bandit.

There’s clearly a problem here.

>woo a Bird lady!
>Get bird, then woo bird.
>bird ladies

You aren’t sure why your lustful loins are craving birdflesh, though. Far be it from you to question the wisdom of your areas of arousal, but, like, well.

Birds are small. You’re almost entirely positive you can’t, uh.

You can’t really stick it into a bird. You’d have to do some grinding? Like when you get it on with Pocket here. She’s too small for the full deal, you know? You usually rub it down onto her.

“Lemmeoutlemmeoutlemmeout!”

But maybe if you seduce a bird, you can get her to join your bandit team, too. That might be clever.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)08:48 No. 474870 ID: 056536
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If you’re serious about wooing a bird AND recruiting her, it’s time to pick what you want.

A: A Crow. Someone from the World of Grass, like you. Smart, wise, long-lived, and capable of dexterous actions with their beak.

B: A Falcon. Someone from the World of Metal, a stranger no one would expect you to have on your side! Someone dangerous and powerful, as a lover and as a fellow bandit!

C: Neither! Seducing a bird is silly. You want something you can sink your, uh, teeth into. So-to-speak. Something without a cloaca.

A
Caw!

C. If you can't penetrate, it ain't a mate.

>>474872
I'm going with C, as assonance is amusing.

I'd say we should still be out to recruit a falcon, but if you'd prefer to look for something more mammalian to mate with, that's cool.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)09:36 No. 474880 ID: 056536
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C, stick to something without a cloaca

It’s sensible. If you wanted to grind your junk down on someone you couldn’t penetrate, you have Pocket right here for that. The mice too, you guess. You haven’t really bothered trying to get it on with them. You think Pocket does? Whatever. They’re more her size.

No, you, you have your heart and hips set for something higher. Perhaps something literally higher than your hips? Your mouth hangs and salivates as you fantasize about all the soul-possessed species you might try to hit on.

Pocket slips free and bounces to the ground. She hops up a few times, trying to get back into your mouth.

What kind of lady should you woo?

A: Another Fox. Something familiar, something your size, something easy but entirely do-able.

B: A Wolf. Someone bigger than you, someone you have to work to seduce, whose seduction will be totally scandalous and totally hot.

C: A Bear. You’ve only seen a bear a few times in your life but damn if it wouldn’t be impressive if you managed to seduce one. “Bear-Seducer” isn’t a bad epithet to have.

The answer is C. Grow a pair! Get it on with a bear!

C. You are the best bandit, after all.

C is the only option for the best.

>>474888
This is the worst idea. However, your bumbling shall amuse us, and I admire your cojones.

C.

defiantly C

This choice is silly. Obviously, you just bang whoever is hottest, species be damned.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)10:11 No. 474907 ID: 056536
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“C. You are the best bandit, after all.”

You are, aren’t you? Who cares if you went and seduced some fellow fox, or snuck out a tryst with some manor-wolf? These are exploits for Mediocre Marauders, maybe. Acceptable Adventurers. You’re the Best Bandit, damnit! You’re going to bang a bear.

You turn your attention to Pocket, who is running around spazzing out for sure.

“Hey! Want to have an adventure?”

“Um yeah that’s what I’ve been saying the past six hours I was in your mouth c’mon!”

“Okay! Great! I’m going to find a bear, and I am going to seduce her.”

“… oh. Uhm! Okay.”

“They’re going to call me the Bear-Seducer. Have you heard a better title? Ever?”

“Void-Monster.”

“Isn’t that a stoat saint? That doesn’t count. Where did you learn to count? You learned poorly.”

“How are we going to seduce a bear? Do I get to seduce her too? Where is the bear?”

You wish you had good answers to, well, any of those questions.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)10:12 No. 474908 ID: 056536
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This is, as far as your brain has cobbled it together, a map of your nearby area.

Classically speaking (your mother had you trained in all the classics OK) bears don’t belong to either the World of Metal or the World of Grass. Who knows where you can find your future lover? Who knows where to even begin hunting for a sight of her?

A: To the north is Tangled-Ivy Manor, which is run by wolves. It’s the local World of Metal capital.

B: To the south-east is Bumblebee Lane, which is run by ferrets. It’s the local World of Grass meeting point.

C: Somewhere else!?

>>474880
C.
Win or Lose, the story will go down in history if there are any survivors brave enough to tell it.

Is that a forest to the southeast? If so, go with C and head deeper into it. That seems like a likely place for bears.

Otherwise, A sounds like a good idea. Wolves are at least closer to bear-sized than you are.

C. If you want to bone, strike off on your own.

To Really be Best, go Straight South-West!

>>474923
that will do nicely sir.
THIS.

you missed the reverse Crowmanticar ending you morons what have you done I can't leave you guys alone for a second aaagh

go southwest and tell Pocket he can seduce anyone he wants so long as you're not seducing her.

I totally hear that bears participate in activites in woods.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)11:33 No. 474935 ID: 056536
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C, to the woods

> If you want to bone, strike off on your own.

You’ve never thought of truer wisdom.

“Let’s turn back into the woods. Maybe she’ll be there!”

“That’s a dumb idea. You’re dumb. You’re just going to wander around for hours and I’m going to be bored! So bored! Don’t make me bored!”

“You won’t be so bored when I’m getting up on a bear!”

“No, this is dumb and you’re boring!”

You’ve known Pocket for over a year now. You know her quirks and annoyances and you know she’s not going to relent on this. But that’s okay.

While some stoats travel for fame or fortune or adventure, Pocket mostly travels with you because you figured out the name of her soul, and she can’t really escape you while you know it. It was so very clever of you to figure it out!

“You’re coming along, _______, whether you like it or not!”

“Daaang I guess.”

What is Pocket’s soul’s name?

A: Ninte Ejin the Badger-Thief, Stoat Saint of Strength and Conquering.

B: Piijal the Delicate Mover, the Stoat Saint of Grace and Subtle Movements.

C: Satis Giilin the Spider Woman, the Stoat Saint of Plotting and Clever Traps.

C. To satisfy lust, clever plots are a must!

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)12:06 No. 474947 ID: 056536
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C, Satis Giilin the Spider Woman

Pocket’s soul is part of the Stoat Saint Satis Giilin the Spider Woman. True to her soulsake Pocket is good at scheming and plotting, although she isn’t as bitey or sneaky as other stoats in turn.

It’s time to get up to this adventure!

“Okay! We’re doing this. Hey mice, wake up! We’re going on an adventure.”

“We know! We were awake! This whole time!”

“Okay! Good.”

Pocket climbs into the pocket on your side, and your mice scramble to attention as you slowly stretch yourself up and start to walk. It’s not a bad time to take stock of your inventory, just in case, for reference.

You have:

x1 wolf-pup sized training war-saddle with two (2) springwork guns. They are powerful enough to kill a mouse, seriously wound a bird, or cause pain to a wolf.
x20 bolts for the springwork guns
x4 mice. You require two (2) mice to aim and fire each springwork gun.
x1 stoat. Pocket is capable of setting traps big enough to catch rabbits and she can come up with other clever things, too!
x1 smoke bomb. Good for escaping in a hurry! Just like the Smoke Foxes of legend. Can be fired from the springwork gun or delivered via stoat.
x1 eye irritant bomb! Good for blinding an enemy!
x1 fire bomb! Good for starting a fire! It is always a good idea.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)12:06 No. 474948 ID: 056536
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The forest is quiet today. The distant sounds of birdsong are lazy and sleepy, like it’s an off-day for them. That’s fine. The ground is soft and loamy beneath your paws, a mat of thick needles and moss that even your light weight sinks into.

The air is full of the smells of wet wood and the approaching autumn, and is peppered with varied scents of soulless animals.

You can pick out three scents that you know belong to soul-possessed animals, and while none of them are bears, they might be good starting points for this investigation?

A: A smell of a Stoat. It isn’t Pocket, this must be some other weasel. Weasels love to know all the secrets of their territories. Maybe it’s seen the bear?
B: A smell of a Crow. Or maybe many crows? You can’t tell for sure. Crows can fly! Maybe they’ve seen a bear!
C: A smell of many Mice. Maybe a mouse colony living out in the wild out here? If they’ve seen a bear, it’d be easy to get them to tell you!

C. It's always good advice to grab some extra mice.

C forever
Because we have never not chosen C, even if I think A is a really valid option.

C, we require more minions

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)13:01 No. 474959 ID: 056536
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C, check out those mice

You decide that if anyone would be paying attention to the passing of a bear, it would be the animals small enough to be crushed by their blind steps!

You follow the dusty, busy mouse-smell to the base of a tree. It’s a thin thing with a thick base the mice have built a little colony around, with holes leading underneath into the dirt below.

The above-ground construction is mostly stones bracing up wooden supports, and leather and twig and fluff making a ceiling. It’s the kind of standard wild-mouse huts you see all over the forest, really. You hardly would have paid it any attention if you hadn’t come here on purpose!

“Hey! Mice! I have a question for you.”

There is a scurry and clamor of motion as mice run their little round bodies about. Their entire construction shakes and rattles with their movements. A few brave mice stick their faces out to talk to you.

They speak in the Mouse language, which you can understand okay but not speak very well. You have to stumble over your words and don’t sound very dashing at all, unfortunately.

“You are loud! Do not yell so loud. What you want?”

“I want look am being of bear hunt find sex!”

The mice oogle up at you with their black eyes and you feel a wave of embarrassment. Fortunately, Pocket knows perfect Mouse, and she slips out of your pocket and down to the mice’s level. They hang their faces over the balcony of their mouse-hut and talk to her instead.

“My dumb fox-friend is looking for a bear to put his penis inside of because he’s seriously that stupid! Can you believe him! Where is a lady bear he can get mauled by for being so dumb?”

“How can he do that with a bear if he is not a bear?”

“I dunno he’s a dumb idiot when it comes to his wiener okay? Have you seen a bear or not?”

“We have not seen any bears! I am not even sure what a bear is.”

Pocket looks up at you.

“They haven’t seen any bears! This was a waste of time and a bad adventure you suck.”

> C, we require more minions

Well, maybe it isn’t a total waste. Maybe you can get a few more mice, like. Back-up mice. You have enough mice to use both springwork guns, but only just enough. If you lose even one mouse to anything at all you’ll be short a gun!

A: Have Pocket kidnap a mouse to impress into your service!
B: Threaten the mice into giving you a prisoner or two in exchange for your mercy!
C: Come up with a clever offer or argument to convince a mouse or two to join you! (Please provide clever offer/argument!)
D: Mice are dumb, let’s just go back to hunting for a bear to seduce!

C, because willing minions are better. Offer them adventure! Fame! Riches beyond their wildest dreams (whatever that means to a mouse). As the best bandit, I'm sure you have all of that in abundance.

Alternately, tell them you'll show them what a bear is and then let them watch.

C. Get some mice on your side to go along for the ride!

It'd be a point of mouse pride to see your dick satisfied.

What mouse can say they saw a fox fucking a bear raw?

>>474959
C: At some point, you are totally going to yell "hey guys, watch this", and they really don't want to not be there to watch whatever it is because it's going to be totally sweet.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)13:28 No. 474967 ID: 056536
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C. Offer the mice fame, riches, adventure, and a chance to watch you fuck a bear.

“Pocket, tell them that they will be given a chance for adventure and excitement and fame! Also I will let them watch me have sex with a bear.”

“Hey mice, do you wanna watch this idiot get killed trying to seduce a bear?”

“Haha what? I guess I do.”

One of the mice scurries out from the mouse-colony. You lower yourself to the ground and Pocket grabs the mouse in her teeth. She clambers up your back and deposits the mouse into your war-saddle. Mouse gained!

The mouse probably knows nothing about how to use the springwork gun, but the way mice work, they pick up skills from mice they’re nearby. It’s kind of freaky. Mice are scary when you stop and think about it. You don’t bother learning this mouse’s name, because you don’t know the names of any of your mice.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)13:28 No. 474968 ID: 056536
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You, Pocket, and your team of mice return to the middle of the woods. The smell of crow and weasel still tickle at the roof of your mouth.

“I guess we can go after that stoat or crow smell, still. Maybe they’ve seen a bear.”

From your pocket, Pocket agrees.

“That makes sense.”

“I guess we can also just call the forest a bust and try somewhere else.”

“No way! Nuh-uh! We already came out here! If you give up and leave now, just because it’s the third thing you thought of, I’ll chew off your testicles.”

“But—”

“I will climb down there right now and chew them off one by one and let them drop to the forest floor and then I will take them and run away with them and hide them and you will never have sex again.”

“Damn.”

A: Check out the Stoat smell.
B: Check out that Crow smell.

C IF THERE AIN'T NO C, GOTTA CHOOSE A OR B

B. That Stoat is a Turd, go Hit On a Bird!

did someone say crow

go crowways

C for Crows

They fly around everywhere so they should know where bears gather

(Wow that made me burst our laughing.)

I guess we hill have to choose B then.

>>474968
A: WZL.

Jashbireth 2012/11/27(Tue)14:03 No. 474979 ID: 056536
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B, to the crow

“A crow can fly, it might have seen a bear somewhere!”

With this logic, you follow the smell of crow. It’s harder to follow than a thing that drags itself on the ground, and you have to keep your nose pointed into the air. Pocket throws her nose into the mix and together you find a crow relaxing on a low, scraggly branch.

It seems alone. Crows come in murders or in solitudes and this one seems alone so.

You address the crow in the Post-Society communal language because really, a crow has to be able to speak that there is no way not.

“Hello there, flying friend!”

“Hello.”

“I’m on something of a quest! I am looking for a lady bear. Have you seen one?”

“Have I? Yes. I have seen one.”

“Oh! Oh, good. Can you tell me where you saw her? Where I may find her?”

“I could tell you where to find her now, yes.”

“You’re not going to, are you?”

“What would I get from this trade, if we did not make it a trade?”

“That makes sense. What do you want?”

“You look like an adventurer. You could steal something shiny from the wolves for me. You could steal a love poem from the ferrets for me.”

“Do I have to steal something for you?”

It’s not that you’re opposed to stealing, but that sure does sound like a lot of work!

“If you could be clever enough to entertain me, maybe I would be amused enough to give you this secret. But I see you have a weasel with you, that travels with you. You know well the price some animals put on secrets, and so your amusement must warm my soul like the sky-tunnel itself.”

Well! Well then!

A: Go to Tangled-Ivy Manor and steal something from the wolves.
B: Go to Bumblebee Lane and steal a poem from the ferrets.
C: Think of some way to entertain or amuse the crow! (Please suggest clever idea, and A or B or D should your idea fail!)
D: Screw crows, just go see if that stoat will give up any information for free instead!

>>474979
D. If that fails we can then fall back to A, because that might even give us a chance to get a leg up on this whole "seducing large, destructive creatures" dealie.

B, if the poem is good then we can use it ourselves to seduce the bear

>>474985
Excellent point. Have to agree.

A! Woo a wolfess then steal her jewelry and leave her wanting more! Wanton heartbreaking is in the bandit charter.

>>475007
Okay changed my mind lets do that.

B

I vote for plan poem.

Voting for B.

Go with A.

>>475007
Brilliant!

What kinda BANDIT gets by on NON-BANDIT work? WOLF MANOR RAID IT IS.

stupid adorable ferrets. I wanna rob some.

>>475007
Best plan. We will woo our way to success!

C) revert to your original plan and woo the birdy. You most of all could accomplish such a task, being ripe with dashing looks and immortal wit, you are the Best Bandit of all time are you not? Show the little bird how beautiful she is, compliment her hue of Plumage and majestic beak, fascinate her with your french, the language of love~ Here's everything you need to know about french... Omelete Au Fromage... Worst case scenario it will be fine practice for the bear.
After wooing the birdy, have her join you on your quest to find a bear.

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)07:54 No. 475162 ID: 9fb822
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A, steal something from the wolf manor, maybe through seduction?

You nearly decide to steal a love poem from the ferrets, because, hey, maybe it will help with the bear? But instead you decide you should hit up the wolves for some real daring bandit action. And maybe you can woo a wolf and get a double-woo score.

“Is there anything in particular you want from Tangled-Ivy Manor?”

“It is up to you to find something you think will please me.”

“He’s going to scam us you just know it.”

You set out north, leaving the forest and entering into the scrubby hills and fields. The land declines slowly, and is marked by short, bush-topped trees that stick out of the ground like worms probing the air. The grass rises up to chest-level in most places, and you have to be careful to not stub your paws on hidden rocks. Or hidden snakes. That would be the worst.

After an hour of slow, steady walking you reach the inner markers for the Tangled-Ivy wolves. They’re stones with canvas tied around them, marked with the manor’s symbol. The stench of wolf forms a literal fence that you step through carefully.

Your caution is rewarded, because ahead, up along a slow hill, you can spy a wolf.

The wolf is twice your size, wears a war-saddle twice the size of yours, with springwork guns twice the size of yours. Up above, further in the sky, you see the shape of a falcon circling. The wolf is patrolling the territory borders just as you stepped into them! Oh no!

A: Take advantage of your small size and sneak past him through the tall grass!
B: Press yourself into the grass and wait for his patrol to lead him away!
C: Walk past him like you belong here, greeting him as you pass.

have pocket use a smoke bomb on him while you sneak close. then kill him and have your crew board his ship and take as many prisoners as possible.

>>475164
How about we don't attack an enemy twice our size. We would probably just get our face bitten off.

B just wait, patience is the greatest virtue. You would be surprised how many problems solve themselves if you just give it some time.

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)09:13 No. 475170 ID: 9fb822
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D, attack him and take all his stuff!

“Pocket, you sneak in close and blow the smoke bomb on him. Then I’ll creep up to him and kill him, and take all his war-saddle crew as prisoners.”

“What. I’ll take the mice and go home if you’re going kill yourself before you even get to the bear.”

B, patience is the greatest virtue.

You decide it’s maybe better to not try and stealthily murder something that can kill you by jumping on your back. You hunker down into the grass, hoping your bright coat doesn’t stand out among the darker grass. You’ll wait until the wolf passes on over to the rest of his patrol.

So you wait.

And wait.

And the wolf is just standing there.

Eventually you see movement up across the crest of the hill. Another wolf’s approaching the one you’ve been waiting to leave. You aren’t sure, but it looks like this new wolf may not be part of Tangled-Ivy Manor? It doesn’t have a war-saddle on either.

The wolves greet one another with some restrained elation and begin talking. You can hear their husky whispers roll down the hill but can’t pick out any words. They don’t seem intent on leaving yet…

A: Sneak through the tall grass while the wolves are distracted with one another!
B: Keep waiting! Maybe they’re going to go off somewhere together!
C: Walk past them like you belong here, greeting them as you go past!

B keep waiting, possibly send Pocket closer to eavesdrop on the wolves, though i don't like that hawk.
It might swoop down and catch Pocket if it sees her, but the grass is probably too long and Pocket is too small for it to notice.

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)10:29 No. 475181 ID: 9fb822
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B, keep waiting, maybe eavesdrop?

Who knows what the wolves are up to? It’s probably best to wait this out. They can’t stay here forever. Sometimes being a daring, sneaky bandit means a lot of boring waiting around. To the animals you steal from, they won’t know and just assume it was an exciting adventure! Right?

The wolves are still talking. You’re about to suggest Pocket sneak up and listen in on what they’re saying when the new wolf ducks its head under the first wolf and keeps it there.

“What are they doing? Is that wolf fixing the other wolf’s war-saddle?”

Pocket scrambles up to the top of your head for a better look.

“Uh.”

“Oh. Oh no.”

You’re getting the suspicion that uh. That these wolves might uh.

That they might be here for a while.

A: Sneak past them in the tall grass while they’re uhm. Distracted.
B: Keep watching and see where they’re, uh, going with all of this.
C: Walk right past them, like you belong there, and embarrass the souls out of them.

C. We have spent enough time waiting and the falcon will probably spot us if we try to sneak by.

>>475181
Well, A's out; they have aerial recon. I can't really see how C's going to work either. So you're just going to have to watch and learn all this highly pertinent information about wolves.

B, It looks like he's on patrol so he can't stick around for more than a quickie.

since the most awesome option is now not an option anymore thanks to you being a little pussy, you're gonna go with the second most awesome option of just walking by past them.

B. If they take too long, torment Pocket somehow.

B, this could be a clever trap set by the wolves if the falcon saw us.

Yeah I like the idea of walking past while they are to embarrassed to do anything about it.

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)11:42 No. 475199 ID: 9fb822
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B, keep watching. It can’t take too long.

You decide that this must just be a quick, secret tryst, with the falcon flying cover to keep this all a secret. The best thing to do is wait it out. He’s on patrol, they can’t have too much time to play around…

“I guess now is our chance we can sneak past and they won’t even know right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay let’s go! Let’s! Go! Let’s go. Uh.”

“Uh-huh.”

The wolf with the brown barding shifts herself around, and the Tangled-Ivy wolf slowly saunters up onto her back. You can’t really make out any of the details from your position, but there’s some definite hip-action going on. Furry legs pushing against furry legs. The war-saddle on the wolf’s back rocks and shakes with his slow, sensual movements.

“Are you—what are we even—”

Pocket scurries down your neck, across the war-saddle, and climbs her way upside-down on your thigh. Her head ducks in between your legs. You can feel her eyes on your shame.

“Oh great you’re getting off to this aren’t you! You’re on a quest to find a bear to bang in the first place are you really just gonna watch these two wolves get it on instead?”

“Look, keep it down. They’re going to be tied soon, and then we can slip past while they’re recovering.”

“Oh Angel it twitched when you said ‘tied’!”

“I think they’re almost done.”

They are. The two wolves’ movements come to a climax and relax. The guy keeps himself atop the lady for a while and you know they won’t be parting right away. There is a painful heat between your legs that’s really hard to ignore.

A: Sneak past them, now that they’re tied up with one another.
B: Stay here and do something about the situation between your legs.
C: Walk past the two wolves like you belong here, greeting them as you pass.

B. I mean, what is Pocket even for.

C. When Doggies Tie, Walk up and say "Hi!"

A

Use Pocket for the situation in B :V

A, We can deal with your lusts after we're far away from the two.

I think we're long overdue for some C.

C!

C is a man's true final destination.
But fuck it, let's just go and do A. Because I want to sneak like a real bandit for once.

>>475199
C. The reactions will be priceless.

all I have to say is no stoat fellatios please

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)13:06 No. 475224 ID: 9fb822
File 135413678463.png - (66.69KB , 500x500 , BB20.png )

C, walk past them like it ain’t no thing!

“Okay, I think we’ve seen enough. Let’s go!”

You skip into a happy trot, and Pocket has to scramble up your thigh to get back into the war-saddle. The grass makes such satisfying shuff shuff noises as your long legs dance through them.

The wolves hear your approach immediately. Still resting atop one another they try to turn to face you. It’s a lot of awkward side-steps and near-falls. Their eyes are wide and horrified as they see your jaunty climb up the side of the hill.

“Good afternoon!”

The wolves stare at you.

“This way to Tangled-Ivy Manor, right?”

The male wolf makes a little noise of confirmation.

“Thanks! Bye!”

You trot past them, all smiles and friendly-tails. The wolves look like they’re about to die.

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)13:06 No. 475225 ID: 9fb822
File 135413680939.png - (36.24KB , 500x500 , BB21.png )

You get near the large hill Tangled-Ivy Manor sits upon. There are rows of cows grazing the west side of the hill, which is the longer, more gradual slope. The east side is a sharp, sudden hill, and is blocked off even more with an ancient stone wall.

Pocket hops out of the war-saddle and you and her convene on the dirt to make up a plan. You know you’re going to need one.

You need to steal something to interest the crow. You’re not even sure what it is you might want to steal, but the first thing would be to get inside as it is.

Pocket scratches out a diagram of the place in the dirt, intelligence you’ve collected from previous failed raids.

A: Take the front entrance, walking up the road with the same casual posture that brought you here. Act like you belong in the manor!
B: Go along the broad hill, where the cows are grazing. Maybe you can sneak up to the manor itself through the cover of their livestock!
C: Sneak around the back, up where the dog pens are. Dogs are soulless animals and they can probably be tricked easily on your way up to the manor proper!

C. When you're trying to sneak in, stick to the dog pen!

>>475230
And hey, maybe you could do something about your... distraction there.

Unless you want to save it for the wolf you plan to seduce out of something shiny.

C. And make sure to steal the shiniest of the shinies, birds love shiny crap right?

>>475225
Given there have been previous failed raids, A seems unlikely. B suffers from aerial spotters again. C.

C, tricking the foolish is fun and practical.

>>475239
I don't know about doing that, I mean going outside our species is one thing but a soulless may be a bit too far.

A won't work, and the fat, ugly, smelly cows will probably ask you for sexual favors, so C.

C for Canine

Grab the scent of the dogs all over your body, be safe from the noses of the wolves.

Jashbireth 2012/11/28(Wed)15:02 No. 475261 ID: 9fb822
File 135414375459.png - (60.03KB , 500x500 , BB22.png )

C, when you're trying to sneak in, stick to the dog pen!

“Let’s sneak around through the dogs.”

“Is that even a smart idea at all?”

“Do you think I can’t outsmart a dog? I can outsmart a dog.”

“Are dogs smart enough to be outsmarted?”

You slink along the edge of the hill, to the back of the manor. The climb up the rear is simple and easy, with no chance of being seen at all! You stick to the taller grass as the ground levels out, but it reaches to your elbows at best. You need to stay low and move carefully to keep from being seen. You only hope your scent isn’t picked up by a stray wing, or a passing falcon doesn’t spot you.

There are the dogs and their little enclosure. You don't see any wolves around nearby. The dogs are milling around in substantial numbers, being lazy and bored. Dogs are soulless and can’t be spoken with, but they’re still kind of intelligent. That’s good! Intelligent things can be tricked or outwitted.

There’s an old fox saying that goes “You can’t outsmart a rock.”

How are you going to outsmart them?

A: Walk right past the dogs like you belong here, hoping they’ll accept your casual posture and ignore you!
B: Use your smoke-bomb to sneak past the dogs!
C: A trick even more clever than either of those ideas! (Please explain this trick!)

B. They won't let you just saunter by if they don't recognize your scent. This way, they'll just take a noseful of smoke.

aren't smoke bombs kind of conspicuous? I say find a puddle of mud and roll in it like a pig to look brown and dirty and dog-like.

or if that won't work because of your saddle and your foxiness, seduce one of the bitches into letting her help you sneak in while acquiring her smell in the process.

C. Toss a fire bomb into the tall grass and sneak in during the confusion.

>>475251
Fair point.

Rather than walking up past them, a situation which they're probably trained to pay attention to concerning non-wolves, walk up to them and boss them around a bit, a situation that they're no doubt quite used to.

But what to boss them around about? That I'm not so sure. Something that'll be to our benefit. Maybe tell them to go check on the livestock, thereby leaving this area unmanned (undogged?) for a safe retreat?

Run up to them in a panic and say we need everyone down to the border to investigate a "disturbance". Then point them to the embarrassed couple.

>>475261
A. After all, you have a war saddle. You're clearly important!

>>475280
Oh my god this is perfect. We will create all the scandals.

C. If you want to get through, go smell where they poo

When they sniff your hard dong, you'll be banging before long!

C. Find a ball or a stick or something. Throw it for the dogs (or launch it from your cannons). Let them bring it back. Repeat until they are all engaged and trust you. Then throw the eye irritant bomb. They chase after it, it goes off in their faces, and they raise an almighty din. Hide nearby (it doesn't need to be the best hiding place, just good enough). The racket draws the wolves out and away from the manor house, and then you slip inside. Throw it towards the cow pasture and instigate some bovine chaos while you're at it; the more the wolves have to deal with the less likely they'll notice you.

Jashbireth 2012/11/29(Thu)17:36 No. 475527 ID: 29409a
File 135423941685.png - (81.99KB , 500x500 , BB23.png )

C, a whole bunch of ideas smashed together

“I wish we could talk to the dogs. I can think of a dozen good tricks that would work.”

“Just go up to them and pretend you’re a dog! Sniff their butts they won’t know.”

“No. No, find me a stick.”

“What.”

You make Pocket bring you a stick. Holding it in your mouth, you stride up the dogs and get their attention. With a twist of your neck you toss it. The dogs lazily watch it twirl through the air.

“Good job.”

“I’m working on something here.”

You trot after the stick and grab it. You toss it back the way you came, and go chasing right after it. The dogs start perking up in jealousy. You pick up the stick and give it another toss; a dog joins in your cantering chase. In a few minutes all the dogs are running around like idiots fighting over the stick, bounding alongside you like a friend.

“Oh God stop bouncing the saddle we’re all going to fall out!”

“Hold on to each-other because we’re about to double this adventure!

You tell Pocket to get the fire-bomb from your pocket and load it into your springwork. She fumbles it out and passes it to the mice. You lower yourself down, keeping your hindquarters up, inviting the dogs to play. They hop around you waiting for you to throw something else.

“Shoot it!”

The springwork gun makes a loud SNAP and the fire-bomb shoots off in a red blur. The dogs charge along after it as it zooms into the edge of the cow pastures.

Where it bursts into fire.

You hide in the tall grass nearby and giggle to yourself as some wolves come racing out of the manor to deal with the growing flame. They run around in a panic and you sneak into the back of the manor without incident.

Jashbireth 2012/11/29(Thu)17:38 No. 475528 ID: 29409a
File 135423948704.png - (21.18KB , 500x500 , BB24.png )

You’re in the manor for the first time in your life. You’ve never made it this far!

But there’s no time to celebrate.

It’s dark, but distant, dim lights glow in some of the rooms. The ceiling is low and cozy, and the whole building is warm. It smells overpoweringly of wolf.

The hallway goes on a short distance ahead. It turns to the right into another hallway that smells of meat; it goes left into some room that smells of leather and oil. You can see the hallway curve up ahead all the way to the distant front entrance.

A: Check out the meat-smelling hallway to the right.
B: Check out the leather and oil-smelling room to the left.
C: Go further down the hallway and see what’s up ahead.

>>475528
One room sounds like a meat locker or a dining hall, another might be like a armory.

Check out the leather and oil one that sounds more peculiar.

Leather and oil, as for ideas for what to get the crow we should find some bitch's room and take one of her collection of shiny pebbles. Crows, like bitches, love shiny pebbles.

>>475528
Leather and oil has long-term value. Go in there and it's probably, like, an armory? And you can steal a thing.

There's no time for thinking with your stomach, but always time for banditry. Go with B; after all, now you need to replenish your bomb supplies.

B.
we get in, we get out, we get it on with a bear.

B, but keep an eye out for any females to woo out of their shinies.

Jashbireth 2012/11/29(Thu)19:04 No. 475543 ID: 29409a
File 135424465199.png - (45.65KB , 500x500 , BB25.png )

B, into the leather and oil-smelling room.

From the smells, you think the room to the left might be some kind of armory. Maybe you can find something that will interest the crow in here? You creep in.

The room is dark, lit only by a few scattered lanterns. The ground is crawling with mice! At least ten of them are lounging around or scurrying about. There are low tables all around the sides of the room, and they have little stairs for the mice to climb to get up on. There are war-saddles scattered everywhere, and disassembled springwork guns and all sorts of wolf weapons.

There are metal armor bits, wolf-sized springwork guns, bird-perches, mustelid-catapults, saddle-swords, and even a few blackpowder cannons.

There’s also a raccoon fiddling with a springwork gun. He looks up at you as you enter.

“Oh? Oh hello. I don’t know you. Leafwork?”

Leafwork is the informal fox association that all foxes technically belong to. It’s how foxes organize themselves to work for wolf patronage or whatever. You’re a member of Leafwork insofar as you’re a fox, but the raccoon obviously thinks you’re here under the employ of the wolves.

A: Duck out of the room like you were never there! Better safe than sorry!
B: Say you work for the wolves, and ask him for something! (What do you want from him?)
C: Announce that you’re robbing him, and force him to hand over something! (What do you want from him?)

>>475543
Well our plan for romance is completely retarded so we might as well arm ourselves. Lets gear ourselves like the dashing rogue we are. Ask for some dandy retractable blade-fitted bracers or a saddle blade.

B. Just say "yeah," then say you were told to come here to pick up a little signaling mirror. The kind that's used to reflect the sun or a firelight to send messages in code. Oh, and a fire bomb for your spring guns.

B.
something simple and shiny. this be a crow we truck for.

B. say you're there to pick up the "order" from the boss he was suppose to have done by now and don't take no for an answer

>>475556
This is stupid. He won't know WTF and will demand details.

>>475548
Good plan. That's probably as shiny as stuff gets in an armory. If it goes smoothly we should still continue onwards a bit and look for some proper shinies, though, just to be safe. The Best Bandit doesn't settle for just barely scraping by!

yeah, sure, why not. ask for a mouse and a third springwork gun.

No no no. Do NOT mention firebombs. We just fired one, didnt we? THat'll bring attention to us.

Are there any fox-sized saddles? Say you're a bit new to the wolves and your training saddle's not as good as you'd hoped. Perhaps they have some fox ones with better guns, for self defense?

Jashbireth 2012/11/30(Fri)05:57 No. 475634 ID: b92da0
File 135428385604.png - (89.45KB , 500x500 , BB26.png )

B, pretend you work here and ask him for something.

You decide to play along with his assumption, but you’re not super sure what it is you want him to give you. You know you need something shiny for the crow, so the crow can tell you where the bear is, so you can seduce the bear, but there are so many neat things here! It’s hard to settle low.

You start with something for the crow.

“Yes, we’re newly under the wolves’ patronage! Very newly. We haven’t met before.”

“No we have not. I am Hefferfill, Tangled-Ivy’s One Stream liaison.”

“Jashbireth, Leafwork, yadda yadda. Look, I need a signaling mirror.”

“For falcon signaling?”

“For a cro—yeah, yeah for a falcon okay.”

“All right. Haf-Dai, Pij-Yan, fetch that old mirror over there for this fox please thank you.”

Two mice scurry into a corner and return with a dusty mirror, set in a leather frame. It has a wooden peg on the back for mounting it to a war-saddle.

“Are we mounting this to your saddle, or are you just fetching it?”

“Oh it’s not for me, it’s for a bird. I mean, you know how I mean. Just give it to my weasel here.”

You’ve acquired a mirror! As far as shiny things go, mirrors are probably the shiniest things can ever get! You have Pocket stow it in your pocket. It’s for the crow, not for you.

But what else to get? There are so many weapons and stuff here!

“Do you guys have any fox-sized saddles? I’m just wearing a wolf-pup training saddle.”

“I can have a fox-saddle built for you if you let me take your measurements.”

“Oh! And you can put a saddle-sword on it, and maybe some better guns? And some armor?”

“Did you clear this with Legano?”

That’s probably the wolf who runs the manor. Of course you say yes.

“Obviously!”

“Kneel down and let us unmount your saddle, then. Measuring should only take a short while. A few days to make the new one.”

Oh! Oh. Hmm.

A: Let him take your measurements! Maybe you can sneak in and pick it up later without anyone realizing you tricked the raccoon into crafting it!
B: Tell him you’ll come back later, and go steal some stuff from the rest of the manor instead.
C: Tell him you’ll come back later, and flee! There’s a fire outside! It isn’t safe to be here much longer!

C. You had your loot and your fun, now it's time to run!

You got the mirror from the shelf, that bear's not gonna fuck itself!

b

B, We need to perform more shenanigans so lets check whats further down in the hall way.

Jashbireth 2012/11/30(Fri)07:13 No. 475642 ID: b92da0
File 135428843237.png - (27.60KB , 500x500 , BB27.png )

B, investigate the manor further!

“Well, you can get my measurement and stuff later. I have to go bring this mirror out and stuff!”

“That’s fine.”

You duck back out into the hallway. You have this crappy mirror that might interest the crow, but maybe you can find more stuff somewhere else? It’s time for more shenanigans!

Right across from you is the hallway that smells like meat. But, you’re sure it’s the room on the left side of that hallway where the meat smell is really coming from! Further down the hallway you can make out another door, maybe, in the darkness?

To the left the hallway curves towards the front entrance, although you think there are more rooms further down that way!

Almost immediately to your left is another room! It smells like dust and mice.

A: Go all the way down the hall and see where it leads!
B: Go into the meat-smelling room in the hallway!
C: Head towards the front-entrance and see what other rooms there are!
D: Check out the mouse-smelling room!

>>475642
We are here for treasure, not food, and mice don't seem to have a whole lot of treasure.

So it's A or C, I'm feeling A.

A

Jashbireth 2012/11/30(Fri)10:07 No. 475657 ID: b92da0
File 135429884843.png - (27.98KB , 700x300 , BB28.png )

A, down the hall to see what’s there!

You follow it down to the very end of the hall, passing the meat-smelling room on your left! There’s a weird empty alcove at the end of the hall, on the left, that looks like it’s just an unused curve of wall. Whatever.

You’re more interested in the room on the right. It’s a long, open room with a floor that smells heavy of wolf and dirt. The wood floor here is worn and streaked with frequent use.

The distant end of the room is a raised platform that looks like the perfect spot for a wolf to stand and give rousing talks. This is probably some meeting room!

Along the side of the wall is a ramp that goes up into a hole in the ceiling. Second floor access!

To the left is long window. Peeking your head out you can see most of the manor’s wolves desperately trying to stop your fire. It’s spread into an impressive inferno! You uh. Huh. You really didn’t mean for it to get this out of hand. Oh well! At least the wolves are distracted.

A: Go up the ramp to the second floor!
B: Go back somewhere else! (Please specify where!)

go up if you're sure there's nobody there.

If you can, try to sniff out some foxes. If you can find where the foxes that work here stay, then you can maybe steal a saddle.

Jashbireth 2012/11/30(Fri)11:05 No. 475665 ID: b92da0
File 135430231752.png - (55.86KB , 500x500 , BB29.png )

A, of course you are poking your head up the ramp!

You climb up to the second floor. The air here is really stuffy and tight, but you can feel a breeze coming in from somewhere. There are noises of movement somewhere up here, but you can’t see anything. You think most of the wolves are outside dealing with your fire!

Peeking to your right, you see a corner piled with discarded junk.

Across from you, you can see what looks like a dining room. There are two long, low tables, and a smaller one in the back. There are still meat-and-blood flecked bones on the table, left-overs of some earlier meal. There’s a hole in the ground in the middle of the dining room, with four ropes going down—it’s an elevator for lifting food up from the kitchen.

There’s a furrow in the floor for mice to run around in without getting in the way. It connects down into the room that smelt like mice, and it goes into the dining room and the room you can’t see into.

The dining room wall curves, and there’s a dark space tucked behind it on either side you can’t see past from where you are.

The dark room to your left, that the mouse channel runs into, smells of ink and mold and you can hear noises in there. There breeze is coming from there.

A: This corner is full of discarded, piled junk. Maybe you can rummage around in it for something interesting!
B: Go down along this side of the dining room’s round wall. What is back there?
C: Check out the dining room? Maybe there is something neat in here?
D: Go around this side of the dining room wall, into the room that is lurking there?
E: This room smells of mold, ink, and fresh air. Check it out?

>>475665
Discarded junk!

Wait, do wolves use silverware?

>>475665
Oh man JUNK, you've got to dig through that and make a huge mess.

Stick your nose into the wolves' junk at once.

yeah A

Jashbireth 2012/11/30(Fri)14:10 No. 475724 ID: b92da0
File 135431343198.png - (52.35KB , 500x500 , BB30.png )

A, rummage around in the garbage!

You go around the corner and check out what this pile of stuff is actually made up of.

You dig your forepaws in and get your nose up in there. The smells are all of wood and cloth and dust and oil and shed fur. There are chunks of wood and metal, and some bones with rancid meat still clinging to them.

You tug some old territory banners out and find a ruined war-saddle. It’s wolf size, but there’s a rusty saddle-sword set into the side! If you send Pocket down you can probably have her detach it and stow it in your own saddle for later! It would only take a little—

“Uhm. Excuse me.”

You realize digging around in the trash has been kind of loud.

You look back over your war-saddle. There’s a young wolf there. She’s thin and small, and her body is curved down like she’s afraid of you. She has some kind of lens-thing on her face, too. The aura of her smell is ringed with the taste of ink, leather, and mouse.

“Are you Leafwork? I didn’t know our manor had a Leafwork connection…”

You decide keeping up your cover story is probably a good idea!

“Oh, yes, I’m your new Leafwork liaison. Nice to meet you!”

“Oh, uhm, yes. Hello. Why are you going through the scrap pile?”

A: Make up some excuse and leave. You’ve spent enough time here!
B: Woo this frail, innocent damsel!
C: Rob this frail, innocent damsel at gunpoint!

A
Say that you were asked to retrieve saddle parts from the trash. Ask pocket to get the sword and stow it away, then excuse yourself on special business.

We wanna woo more exciting damsels than the scholar-ish types anyway, y'know.

>>475724
I want to ask if there's soemthing wrong with going through the scrap pile. I guess A fits this.
You have some free time, might as well see if you can recycle some of this old stuff that's not being used anymore, you know bro? Such valuable trinkets sitting around unused! Why in leafworks, leaving this stuff like this is a sin! Give it to somebody that could use it at least.

This poor girl is probably picked on, I say maybe a little B.

B, your still probably a little worked up after crossing the border and it'll probably take a while before we can actually get to the crow to learn where the bear is then get to her and woo her as well so you should be able to perform again by then. Who said we could only woo one maiden per adventure the best bandit woos as many females as he cares to.

B, woo her but in a classy way, the scholarly types are worth spending sometime on.

Plus gracefull classy wooing may lead to you having a inside source of info on the wolves here, Activate Gentleman Mode!

Well why shouldn't you be rooting in the scrap pile? She doesn't want it, does she?

Aw, she's cute. Woo her, make her feel special. Save your sexytimes for the bear, but it'll be good to get some wooing practice in before you find your ursine paramour.

release thy pheromones

Jashbireth 2012/11/30(Fri)16:24 No. 475763 ID: b92da0
File 135432144323.png - (37.87KB , 500x500 , BB31.png )

B, wolf wooing!

You consider there’s no reason you can only woo one lady per adventurous outing. There’s also the fact that wooing the wolf might give you some practice on the bear! Yeah! There is basically no reason not to do it and look at her she’s so cute all hunched over and delicate.

“I’ve already forgotten what I was looking for! All I am looking for now, is your name.”

Aww yeah. You have the moves.

“Oh. Oh. I’m Pallia. I’m the papernose here.”

Papernoses are wolf scholars and librarians and basically everything the name sounds like.

“I could tell by the smell you carry on your fur! Yours is not the brutish chase of blood and flesh, but the noble hunt of word and truth!”

You are so good at this.

“Uhm. Okay. I’m sorry, I’m very new here. I’ve only been at the manor a season. What’s your name?”

You walk beneath her, letting your body just so barely brush up against the worried curve of her throat, her chest. You fluff your tail up and drag it under her chin as you pass. Where did you even learn this stuff? Is there anyone more charming than you?

“I am Jashbireth, the Best Ban—”

crapcrapcrap

“Besta Banirilli. That’s stoat for—”

“Daring adventurer. Yes.”

“You have to trill the “illi” part more.”

“Shuddap.”

You begin to lead Pallia back out into the hall, away from the junk. You can get another saddle-sword, one that isn’t rusted to heck and thrown out, some other time. Right now, it’s all about her.

“You are new here?”

“Oh, yes. I’m from Ivory-Sands Manor. I was traded over as uhm, as part of the peace settlement. Ivory-Sands accidentally killed Tangled-Ivy’s papernose during a skirmish, so, well…”

“And only your nose was inky enough to fill such a position!”

“Only I was expendable enough to give away.”

“Well! Wolves are so ready to throw away the nicest treasures, just because they lack the skill to appreciate how beautiful they really are.”

You eyeball her slyly as you say this. She looks away from you.

“You don’t need to be so false…”

You push your nose up against hers.

“I’m too clever to lie.”

Her rust-colored eyes meet yours, and you hold one another in a long, heavy, soulful stare.

You think you’re winning her over.

How far do you take this?

A: Leave her with this, yearning for your next visit!
B: Take it into the library and get her to fall deeper in love with you!
C: Try to bang her.

C. Don't be a faggot, fuck that chick in the twat!

>>475763

C.

ignore your horndog voices, let her lead you to the libary knowing were they keep all the knowledge is a good idea, plus wooing her in a place she feels safe is best.

A quick bang isn't what you are here for you must well and truly woe her go with B and make certain that she will cry out your name for many nights wishing for your return.

>>475763
I do not think she is as certain about this as you. Go with B.

Clearly we cannot just go with C. We're not some two-bit bandit that would cause a lady to say "I've been robbed". No, we want her to look back and say "I was stolen".
B

You're at the least a three-bit bandit, you gotta go with B. Treat this lady right and woo her for like at least another 30 seconds before you try to bang her.

B, for BEST Bandit.

B, because true pleasure lies not only in the possession of her body, but of the mind and the soul as well.

C. She is obviously gushing various fluids for you.

B. Best Bandits smoothly seduce ladies in the libray.

>>475779
Quite. Classy bandit. Classy.

(...we need to find a mysterious mask.)

>>475763
B. clearly the more you talk, the better things will turn out.

B. Compliment her worldly intelligence. She speaks stoat. Maybe she knows stuff about bears, too. Maybe there's a good shiny in the library.

>>475763
B. She's probably not quite receptive enough yet. Ask her more about herself; get her comfortable and talking, and bolster her self-confidence!

Plus the library might have some nice shinies.

B.

Jashbireth 2012/12/01(Sat)05:04 No. 475875 ID: 5d312b
File 135436704578.png - (70.08KB , 500x500 , BB32-2.png )

B, seduce her and leave her wanting more!

“Would you show my your… library?”

You put as much innuendo into “library” as you can without just outright saying “butt” instead.

“Oh. Okay. It’s over here.”

She leads you to the room opposite the dead-end of junk. It’s the one that smelled of oil and leather, and had a mouse channel lead into it. Your mental map of the wolf manor is growing increasingly complete!

The library is pretty darn big. There are rows of standing shelves full of leather scrolls and hard-bound books. The smell is overwhelmingly of leather and paper parchments and inks. Even with the open window the air feels stuffy and closed. Mice scurry here and there on the ground. Against the far wall there’s a hulking, ancient printing machine.

“So many mice!”

“They know the place better than I do still… between all of them, that is. I suppose individual mice don’t know very much, but as a whole they have the whole library memorized. I just feel in the way.”

“But it’s up to you to oversee them! A wolf is defined not by the chase of the hind, but how well she manages her mice. And I see here a very orderly library!”

“Heh. Quoting the Oederico Nehglommi aside… the mice mostly do it all on their own…”

“If you were a poor papernose, the library would be in disarray. This library is so neat and well put.”

“I guess. What do you do for Tangled-Ivy Manor?”

Oh dear. No, you can’t let the conversation turn to the imaginary things you do for the manor you don’t actually work in the employ of.

“I make myself useful to the noble and worthy wolves within! And to you, I will strive to fulfill your every need.”

You eyeball her dashingly with that line. She paws at the floor. Does she ever relax her back?

“Well. Thank you. You are kind. But shouldn’t you be out helping with that big fire?”

Jashbireth 2012/12/01(Sat)05:04 No. 475876 ID: 5d312b
File 135436707129.png - (20.72KB , 500x500 , BB32.png )

You walk over to the window and look outttttttttthhohohohohoboy.

The entire sky is black with smoke as the dry grass burns in a huge, orange crescent.

You think it might be a good time to leave. She’s enamored with you enough for now!

“My dear papernose, I will indeed go now. I hope I may be of some service to one as worthy as yourself, later.”

With that, you quickly back-track your way out of the manor and run, away from the manor and the massive fire that’s burning up half the hill. Enough faffing around. It’s crow time!

Jashbireth 2012/12/01(Sat)05:04 No. 475877 ID: 5d312b
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You meander your way back to where the crow was. You can spy him, off in the distance, on the same perch (it is probably a different perch).

“You’ve actually returned. Is the fire your doing?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You have something for me, freshly stolen? Lay your offer below me and step away. No tricks!”

You have the mirror to offer him. You hope it’s satisfactory.

You hope he isn’t going to rip you off.

A: Lay the mirror down and trust the crow.
B: Demand the crow tell you the bear’s location first.
C: Have Pocket booby-trap the mirror with a snare, and catch the crow as your prisoner when he comes to get it.

C. Once he is trapped tell him it is only to make certain he gives you what's yours. Once he's told you where the bear stay true to your word and let him go with the mirror.

>Trusting birds ever.

C you can only trust other mammals.

C. Put the bird in a trap and find out: Lass or Chap.

If they aint true with their words then you push in their turds.

C

C.

Try B, then just show him the mirror. Trying to snare the crow probably wont work.
It's a crow, those are sneaky.

c

>>475877
C.
what obligation would the bird have to tell the truth when it can just fly off?

>>475884

Stoats are sneakier. C!

C, crows are natural tricksters, OUT TRICK THE TRICKSTER!

>>475879
This.

Jashbireth 2012/12/01(Sat)08:53 No. 475912 ID: 5d312b
File 135438078104.png - (69.02KB , 500x500 , BB34.png )

C, like you’re going to trust a bird, you’re trapping this thing!

“Hey, pocket, do you think you can set a snare on the mirror?”

“Are you kidding I did that on the way here I already set it that was my plan you can’t take credit for it mine!

“Okay crow! I got you a mirror, okay? I will leave it out there.”

You send Pocket out ahead of you with the mirror. She puts it down in some leaves and twigs; there’s a noose carefully arranged on the frame, ready to catch the bird! She comes back to you, the other end of the snare in her mouth.

The crow flaps down and lands, inspecting the mirror. You grab Pocket in your mouth and yank, and the noose snags around the bird’s stupid foot! You caught him! He flaps and throws himself about, but he can’t get more than shoulder-height from the ground!

You pounce over him, trapping him between your forelegs.

“Now, crow! You thought you could trick me? Steal the mirror without telling me what I wanted to know?”

“What! I wasn’t going to!”

“What, really? I’m kind of disappointed.”

The crow stops fighting and flapping around.

“No, I was. I was going to trick you. I am happy you trusted me enough to not trust me.”

“Okay, but seriously. Tell me where the lady bear is, or I’ll eat one of your wings.”

“That is fair. You will find a lady bear living up to the north-east, by the three ponds.”

“You mean those lakes?”

“I’ve only ever flew over them. I don’t actually know how big they are.”

Okay! Your adventure is coming to a climax! Hopefully! Because sex!

A: Waste no more time and go check out the bear now!
B: How do you even seduce a bear? Check up on Pallia at the library to see if she knows anything!
C: Maybe you should go to Bumblebee Lane and steal a love poem to impress the bear anyway?

Ask if he knows anything about what bears like

A, if we were going to steal a love poem anyway we should have gone there instead of the wolf manor, and getting help from Pallia to woo another woman the same day we spent time wooing her would be truly bad form, plus she could get suspicious if that fire is still blazing.

Bears like honeycomb, blackberries, and meat, probably including bird meat.

Don't forget to take credit for Pocket's plan anyway.

go to bumblebee lane.

Bears like poems, I bet, maybe. I know they like honey. Bumblebee Lane sounds like a place that has both!

Jashbireth 2012/12/01(Sat)13:48 No. 475971 ID: 5d312b
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C, raid Bumblebee Lane!

You are pretty sure bears like poetry! You’re almost positive they like honey! Bumblebee Lane has poetry and honey! The crow said Bumblebee Lane has love poems! And you know the ferrets harvest honey for medicine and food and all sorts of other stuff!

“Crow, before I let you go, do bears like honey? And love poems?”

“I do not know any secrets about bears. Why do you want to know all this?”

“He wants to have sex with that bear.”

“Please untie me. I don’t want to be anywhere near you anymore.”

Pocket unties the crow and he flaps off with his mirror. All in all, you feel you've came out on top in this exchange! But it isn’t time to rush off to your beloved bear yet. You prepare your team to hit up Bumblebee Lane, to steal honey and love poetry. You are going to get so laid.

On the way to Bumblebee Lane you take a nap and grab some food from one of your hidden stashes. By the time you reach there, it’s late afternoon.

Bumblebee Lane is set in long, rolling hills speckled with clusters of trees, bushes, and hedges. There are a few little ponds scattered around. Unlike the wolf manor you aren’t unwelcome here, so you can walk right up to it.

Bumblebee Lane is two long, artificial hills that run parallel to one another. The insides are hollow and full of rooms and chambers and stuff! The hills are tall and steep, but they aren’t honestly that big.

You can’t go inside them. They were built by ferrets, for ferrets. At best, there’s one entrance a raccoon can get into, maybe?

There is a hollowed natural hill behind it that you can fit inside, but that’s mostly just a meeting-ground. There’s some stuff above ground, too, and off to the side are the huge bee-lanes where the ferrets keep their honey. They also keep chickens. So many chickens.

The place has permanent residents of ferrets, mice, and cats, and it sees crow, fox, and weasel visitors. The animals here vaguely know you, but you’re pretty sure you don’t have a sour reputation with them. Yet.

A: Have Pocket infiltrate the hills and steal some love poetry!
B: Slink over to the beehives and try to steal some honey!
C: Find someone important and ask them for honey and love poetry!
D: Go check out the big meeting-dome? Maybe there is someone interesting there?

D, interesting people are always worth meeting.

C.
can't you just buy honey?

>>476004
C
And love poetry?
If everyone here is like your friend Pockeet, maybe they'd want to watch you get maim- I mean, get it on with a bear in exchange for the goods?

Let's go with D. That sounds like a place poets would hang out.

my vote's on B so we can seduce a beekeeper.

Look, sometimes literally stealing things is silly and will not make you the Best Bandit.

What would the Best Bandit do here? He would be such a good bandit that he would get the ferrets to *give* him their best poetry for free.

If you wish to steal a bear's heart, you need to be able to convince people to give you what you want without conflict.

Whatever you end up doing, look for a way to convince people to give you what you want for free! Sometimes that means lying, sometimes it means exaggerating, and sometimes it means telling the truth.

I mean, banging a bear is a pretty big challenge - wouldn't these ferrets like to see how powerful their best poems are? You can give them experimental data for free, at only the investment of their best bear-wooing poems!

C and D!(D first if you have to choose) Go find someone important to ask about honey/poetry in the meeting room.

Get them to willingly write beautiful poetry for us to woo the bear with, then double-back and steal the honey.
No sense just choosing one.

C

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)07:35 No. 476060 ID: 5d65c4
File 135446254623.png - (81.99KB , 500x500 , BB36.png )

C, talk someone into giving you stuff!

>If you wish to steal a bear's heart, you need to be able to convince people to give you what you want without conflict.

“You know, we could just try to steal everything, but if I’m going to be the Best Bandit, I need to learn to lie with the truth!”

“Makes sense to me.”

You walk up to one of the scattered ferrets and get its attention.

“Hey! I’m here because I want stuff. Who can I talk to to get some stuff?”

The ferret snuffles up at your face.

“What stuff do you want?”

“I’m trying to make sweet on a bear. I think I need some honey and some love poetry.”

“Oh? Oh. Okay. Go over to the butt of the lane. I can go get Dahbiilkin and he can meet you there!”

You go to the butt of the lane and sit yourself down and wait. Pocket and the mice busy themselves rolling a stone back and forth along the war-saddle’s interior. It makes a satisfying crull crull crull sound.

Eventually a ferret and a few mice come popping out of a hole in the hill. The ferret is thick and stocky, and has rope tied fashionably along his body. The mice are all laden with various things. They are probably the ferret’s attendants!

“Hello fox!”

“Hello ferret!”

“I do not recognize your scent or shape. You are new?”

“I guess, yes! I want some things that I think you all have. I want some honey, for a bear, and some poetry. Love poetry. For a bear.”

“Did the bear tell you what poetry it wanted? How much honey?”

“Oh, I mean, I want this stuff. It is a gift for the bear.”

“Oh! A bear will rarely come by and trade fish for racks of honeycomb. She takes so much, but she give us so many fish. So many tasty fish. So tasty. It is a good gift for a bear. I guess bears might like poetry too. They seem very soulful.”

“Oh, maybe your bear is the same bear I want to give gifts to?”

“Maybe it is? Her name is Majorie. She lives up by the lakes.”

“Yes that is her!”

“Then these might be good gifts for her! What did you have for a trade?”

You realize you don’t actually have anything to trade.

A: Convince him to give you them for free! (Please provide persuasive argument!)
B: Offer to go on a quest for Bumblebee Lane in exchange for these things!
C: Pimp Pocket out in exchange for the goods!
D: Make no commitments yet! Check out the meeting dome, and maybe plan to steal everything later!

A.

Say you'll kill him if he doesn't. You'll never be the best bandit if you aren't a total psycho.

>>476061
Wat. No. Does Bumblebee Lane have any conflict with that wolf manor you just burned down? If you spin it right, you can offer to go on a quest to sabotage their operations, then say that it's already done and take the goods in exchange. You'll have to play it super smooth, though.

B
If you threaten him, he could just enter his house and not come out.

B
We need to entertain Pocket, she's helping out and more quests mean more carnal fun for her and you. Remember, the fucking is the end goal. the quest is over as soon as it happens, lets not make this journey so short, especially when the end goal might get you killed.

C! The best bandit betrays his friends as often as possible!

I have to ask do you know of any logical reason that ferret would wear those cords like that? It almost looks like some kind of weird bondage thing. While C is tempting just to see how pocket reacts we came here intending to do A, propose the ultimate test of there prose start acting somewhat insecure and timid like Pallia did then ask if their poetry could really get such a small unnoticeable soul as yourself a chance with such a large powerful female. If you make it seem like a challenge you may be able to get them to give it to you for free just so they can brag about it once you score.

B.

C. To satisfy your dick make your ho turn a trick

>>476068

what no thats the opposite of good

welp I got no good arguments so B unless someone comes up with one that works

Pass (C) by Pocket, if she's not game go for (B).

C.

Go for B

C everytime

Definitely B. If these ferrets already know Marjorie, it could be helpful in future to be on their good side. Ask them what sorts of adventuresome heroic bandity things they need done.

B

>>476062
I'm upvoting this just to prevent anything else from succeeding.

C definitely

>>476091
What if they sell us out?

Pick C

C is the only correct choice

B! Heroic quests! Honey! Poetry! Bearsex! It's the logical progression.

>>476062
This is actually a pretty excellent idea.

B.

>>476062
Right now nobody knows we were responsible for that. If we boast of it we might get some very angry wolves after us. Very bad idea.

Nono, B. B is the best option. Bear is endgame, so let's do as many quests as possible before that.
Gifts alone won't get us the bear, so we should improve our skills, equipment, etc. first.
Two things that spring to mind would be the fox saddle and the librarian wolf. We definitely want both of those before we attempt the bear.

>>476060
B.

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)13:07 No. 476124 ID: 5d65c4
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[b]B and C![b]

The two ideas run so hotly in your mind, racing against one another. The clamor of adventure and prostitution are both too great for you to choose between, the fight too dear to be sure which won fairly. You decide on both.

“I do not have much in the way of goods. I’m no merchant, but I am an adventurer! I can do an adventure for you. Do you guys hate the wolves by any chance?”

“The Tangled-Ivy wolves? No, they’re all-right.”

Well, so much for selling the fire you started to them as a favor.

“Okay, that’s fine. Is there some problem I can help you with, though? I can do all the heroics you need.”

“Well, Baj-Daj was complaining something was killing mice in a meadow off to the west, past the chicken fields…”

“A mysterious mouse murderer?”

“Something like that. I’m just the resource coordinator here, I don’t handle big mouse issues. Oh wait, I have mice helpers right here! I can ask them. Wasn’t Baj-Daj complaining about a mouse murderer?”

“In the fields past the chickens! No mouse has ever returned from there! Who knows why?”

“Well! Nasty business, then. I think it’s a fair trade to give you some honey if you can solve that mystery. Probably a snake or summat lurking around.”

“What if I add Pocket to the deal?”

“What.”

“The stoat there? How do you mean?”

You nudge your nose against the ferret’s butt and give him a long, clever look.

“While I’m off solving your mouse mystery, my companion here can keep you and the other ferrets… entertained.”

You watch the slow creep of understanding in the ferret’s body.

“Oh. Oh!”

“Is that a fair trade? I’ll find what’s been taking the mice, and you can all have fun with Pocket while I’m gone. In return, enough honey to interest a bear, and some love poems to help me woo her.”

Pocket climbs up to the top of your head and shoves her face against yours.

“Are you serious you can’t be serious you are really serious? Won’t you need my help I mean but like are you serious?”

You shake your head, tossing Pocket onto the ground.

“We don’t really have much else to offer them. Do you mind?”

“But like wait and—”

“That sounds like a fair trade. Jin-Laj, scribble the trade as pending.”

A mouse with an ink-tipped pen scribbles something onto a roll of hide another mouse is holding. You think that makes this official.

“Jashbireth are you joking—”

The ferret grabs Pocket’s neck in his teeth. He mumbles his parting over her struggles.

“You can find Baj-Daj out by the chicken fields, he can fill you in on the mystery. Good luck!”

Pocket’s shouts echo in the tunnel as the ferret drags her into the hill.

“You’re a motherless bastard!”

You feel like the shrewdest trader alive.

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)13:08 No. 476125 ID: 5d65c4
File 135448248244.png - (43.44KB , 500x500 , BB38.png )

You went and talked to the mouse the ferret told you to talk to. You did! The mouse said that mice who went too far past the chicken fields never really returned. Sometimes they did, but the longer they were out there the less likely they were to come back. Some seven mice have gone missing in the past two weeks!

Talking it out with him, you’ve narrowed down the place of disappearance to a wide depression in the meadow past Bumblebee Lane. Your nose has picked up faint smells of mouse between the grass around here, but only mouse. You don’t smell a snake or anything else.

But you haven’t gone into the depression itself yet. You’ve been keeping yourself stealthy, to not scare off whatever has been getting at the mice.

You need to find out what’s happening to the mice, that’s your quest!

A: Go down into the depression and sniff around for more clues!
B: Send a mouse down into the depression as bait!

A.

>>476125
What? A of course! We dont go around using our companions as tools and disposables!

Let's go with A, no need to senselessly sacrifice our mousy cohorts.

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)13:57 No. 476133 ID: 5d65c4
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A, of course you would never put your companions at risk of harm, ever!

You slink down the depression into the soft, muddy ground at the bottom, where no real grass grows. There are still faint mouse-trails, here and there, but in the dirt you can taste something different.

The smell is thicker but frazzly, something with a strong core and a widely frayed outline. You know this smell. It’s a cat. There’s the smell of a cat that’s been here, laying on the ground, all over the place. The smell seems to go up the other side of the hill.

You know there are cats that live at Bumblebee Lane. Has one of them been luring mice out to kill them?

A: Follow the scent of the cat and see if you can follow where it leads you to!
B: Go back to Bumblebee Lane and start investigating the cats there!

>>476133
A. Follow your nose!

>>476133
If you can reliably identify the cat that was here by scent, B, since it avoids possible traps and saves time, and if it fails you can always come back. Otherwise A.

A! Find crater-cat!

Pocket is going to have her revenge, you know.

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)14:57 No. 476137 ID: 5d65c4
File 135448904534.png - (76.98KB , 500x500 , BB40.png )

A, follow the scent!

Although you think you might be able to pick out the cat by the smell back in Bumblebee Lane, you might as well see where this smell goes, first.

You follow the smell of cat up the incline leading out of the divot. It’s not hard to follow here—the cat’s belly must have dragged across the ground on the way up. Once you get to level ground, though, it’s a bit harder to keep track of. The smell of cat is only on the tips of grass and is faded, scattered. The cat must have traveled this route repeatedly, but broadly. You think you can taste the dusty smell of mouse here and there, too.

“Is it a cat? Is there a sky-fugitive?”

The mice in your war-saddle are getting really into this adventure. For obvious reasons. They load the springwork guns up with bolts in anticipation.

The smell traces into the forest, but it splits into so many directions. The cat didn’t stick to one single set path on its wanderings! You follow it slowly and carefully, having to backtrace several times to catch the smell when you lose it.

You aren’t sure if you’ve found the right spot, but you certainly have found something as you approach a thick, tall series of bushes. There’s a clear mouse-construction set up in there, as rickety as usual, and—

“OW!”

Something in the mouse thing just shot a rock at you! Ouch!

A: Return fire!
B: Walk up to the mice and demand they talk with you!
C: Sneak up to the mice from another direction!

B! Something smells fishy. Figuratively speaking.

B, and be indignant about it! "What was that for!?" and all that jazz

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)15:48 No. 476148 ID: 5d65c4
File 135449211110.png - (85.94KB , 500x500 , BB41.png )

B, demand they talk with you!

You aren’t going to be shot at by mice like that! Not when you’re here to rescue mice!

You march right up to the mouse-bush and start shouting.

“Hey! Hey stop shooting right now I’m here looking for mice!”

“Oh God! It’s finally happening!”

Another rock comes careening out of the bush.

You get a good look at it as it smashes right into your eye.

“Mother! Ow! Stop that this instant you dumb mice!”

“The faj-dan-ni-bah is here! Run!”

There’s a lot of movement in the bush as mice run around.

You decide to ask your mice if they have any clue what is up.

“What did that mouse yell?”

:crclmice: “I think they think you’re a monster here to eat their souls.”

“Can you tell them I’m not?”

:crclmice: “Hey! All of you! We are mice out here! We are not monsters!”

The commotion in the tree calms down immediately.

“Who are you? How can you see us?”

You feel like there’s definitely something going on here.

“Why shouldn’t I? Why are you here? Why are you shooting?”

Some mice come out of hiding and talk to you, face-to-face.

“The cat said the faj-dan-ni-bah had marked us! He saved us! He brought us to this safe place! He protects us!”

“Which cat?”

“The cat that saved us!”

“Ookay. Are you all from Bumblebee Lane?”

“The cat told us! Never to tell!”

“So, yes.”

“Yes.”

“Can I poke around the bush for clues?”

“Go away!”

Excellent. It looks like there’s a cat that tricked a bunch of mice out of Bumblebee Lane to come and live… here. For some reason. The mice don’t seem to be at all cooperative.

A: Waste no more time, return to Bumblebee Lane and start the search for the cat culprit!
B: Try to convince the mice to come with you.
C: Force your way into the bush and look for clues despite the mice protests.

D. Return to Bumblebee village and tell the ferrets where the mice are. MYSTERY SOLVED ENOUGH!

>>476148
Just go back to town to report this. There probably isn't anything particularly interesting in there.

B!

>>476155
By which I mean A, actually.

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)16:42 No. 476171 ID: 5d65c4
File 135449533695.png - (17.40KB , 500x500 , BB42.png )

A, mystery solved! Time to go back!

You consider this adventure totally concluded and all obligations fulfilled!

Well, except for not having caught the cat responsible, or figuring out why the cat did this. Okay. Okay, maybe you should do something about that too.

You bid the mice goodbye and take the short walk back to Bumblebee Lane. Although Bumblebee Lane isn’t very far, it’s starting to get dark as you return, and the sun is clearly setting.

You’re looking for a cat, any cat, to accuse, you guess, and start from there. Only some of the holes in the Bumblebee Lane hills are large enough to admit cats, but you can only really stick your head in those up to the shoulders. Fortunately, there are a few cats hanging out on the top of one of the hills!

A: Climb up there and start demanding answers of the cats!
B: Climb up there and start slyly tricking the cats into giving up answers!
C: Ask one of the cats to come down and speak to it privately!

B.

>>476171
Well, first just see if you recognize any of them as the one responsible by smell.

B! I want to see your best sly trickery, okay?

Get one of your mice to yell "Faj-dan-ni-bah!" and see which cat looks around with an 'Oh shit!' expression.

Jashbireth 2012/12/02(Sun)17:54 No. 476181 ID: 5d65c4
File 135449966822.png - (49.92KB , 500x500 , BB43.png )

Slyly figure out the crater-cat-culprit!

You slowly stalk up the side of the hill. The cats don’t pay you much attention as you settle yourself down next to them, on the thin grass.

You turn your long muzzle over them and take a few sniffs. The cat is definitely among them. You’re not sure which, just yet…

“Nice evening tonight.”

“Your eye is swollen.”

“I live a dangerous life.”

“That’s nice.”

“Had a rough run in with some mice.”

“Mice! And were these mice too rough for a poor delicate moth like yourself?”

“They had a sling-shot or something. And a rock.”

You see one of the cat’s tails twitch. It’s the calico.

“They were held up in a bush. Just one of the many strange things you encounter while on adventures!”

“How lovely.”

“They said they were worried some monster was after them. What was it, mice?”

“A faj-dan-ni-bah.”

“Mrf.”

“What will they think of next.”

“It’s fine, though! They said they had a bold protector who kept them from harm. I suppose he or she just wasn’t there at the time.”

“Fox! Can I ask you some fox secrets at the bottom of the hill?”

You and the obviously-guilty cat go down to the bottom of the hill.

“So seriously, why did you do it?”

“Listen, fox. I have my own little personal palace with mice to attend to me, to my every wish! Grooming and… well, mostly just grooming, but they worship me as their hero. I only told them a few lies and falsities. This is no harm, to tell a few mice a monster hunts them, to arrange a meeting, to steal them, make them mine, just all for my lonesome, to have and to enjoy?”

“I kind of agreed to the ferrets here I would figure out what the problem was.”

“I would ever so appreciate your not telling them.”

So that’s the uh. Big. Mystery. The cat apparently tricked the mice into being her personal grooming-servants or something stupid like that. Cats! Of all the animals with souls, none are more useless than them, clearly.

A: Promise the cat to not tell the ferrets what she’s doing.
B: Blackmail the cat for something in return for your silence. (Please specify for “something.”)
C: No deals, go and tell the ferrets what’s up.

C. Snitches get stitches but all cats are bitches.

This cat is a genius. If it can help you get what you are after then keep its secret. If not then turn it in.

>>476181
B. Get some honey from the cat! That's what you would've gotten from the ferrets for solving the mystery, so you need to get it somehow.

>>476181
I'm curious what the cat has planned to give you in exchange for this silence. B, but I don't have anything in mind. I would like to know just why exactly you would perform such a kindness free of charge, especially when its so apparent it can't take you in a fight, so it's obviously not threatening you. Is it?

Otherwise, C all the way baby. Fuck this biotch.

B. Give her the knot.

B. Demand an opportunity to demonstrate your sexual prowess.

You have a good - well, not-bad - reputation in Bumblebee Lane. The ferrets are in charge. Cats are neither beekeepers nor poets, and unless this cat is an ursologist then who cares if she hates you.

C!

>>476199
I wonder if Pockets chewed off their dicks. If she did, we're fucked.

Ask if the cat is an ursologist before you turn it in.

Or if it can supply honeycomb, poems, or another such good.

B, get another present for the bear, like some jewelry or something? and then after you get the blackmail hush money do C because you are the BEST BANDIT and you lie and cheat and steal.