Forgot to put battle damage on his eye in the last picture! His eye is still injured okay that is a thing.

A.

B or A. Say they were getting carried off by a hawk, and that you chased it away, but it managed to injure you.

A or B, go with hawk story
And help Pocket back into the saddle, also clean her wounds. It is unlike a true bandit to leave any lady looking so terrible and without aide.

>>476209
B
Make a half lie
There's some cat screwing with the mice. You couldn't get more out of them besides that, you'll have to send your own men to investigate the mice more, they don't seem to trust you.

>>476216
And if they give you lip about such a lack of information, remind them that they disrespected your girl here and roughed her up, which was not part of the deal. You feel insulted, and angry. They wouldn't like you angry.
Because, just letting that go is terrible pimping! Remember, pimps protect their women.

>>476216
>>476217
I agree. B, definitely. That's a good story.
Tricking is one thing, but we shouldn't outright betray someone without at least a good reason.

>>476209
A. The cat clearly thinks it's okay for one to deceive smaller animals for one's own benefit; you're just following her example! Plus the ferrets are bros.

Alternatively (but preferably not), tell a partial truth: you went there and determined that a cat was absconding with them, but you lost the trial in the forest and don't have enough information to identify the cat with any confidence, and are far too kind to abide by a potentially false accusation.

If you go with the latter option, you're totally giving her the knot to make up for putting your positive relationship with the ferrets at risk, though. She was totally asking for it what with all that leg-weaving.

A. You made a new friend! Time to betray it!

Besides, it's a cat, and you can't trust cats. The little JERK probably betrays you right this moment!

don't snitch. being known for someone who breaks promises is the opposite of profitable.

>>476214
Let's go with B. Maybe bird attacks happen often enough that it's a plausible story!

>>476228
Are you an idiot? We promised to discover and report the fate of the missing mice.

A/B! If you get them to bring you honey, they might catch the cat for stealing honey at the same time!

Depending on what they do with her, you could have the mice all to yourself, or be a hero!

Tell them that you found the mice out in a bush, but they seemed to be insane and attacked you on sight. They kept babbling on about some monster trying to get them, and you didn't want to stick around at night just in case they were right.

>>476216
>>476217
This.

>>476251
Agreed. Even though Dirtbag is a dirtbag, let it never be said that he has ever led us astray when it comes to pimping hoes.

Jashbireth 2012/12/03(Mon)10:09 No. 476284 ID: 62d358
File 135455815143.png - (47.65KB , 500x500 , BB46.png )

B, half-lie and cover for your cat pal!

“I found the mice. They’re out in the forest, actually. They’re all alive.”

“Really?”

“They have some kind of cult or something? They’re afraid of some monster and they attacked me when I got near.”

“Oh? Well, the mystery is solved one way or another. What the mice do, that’s out of my hands! If you head on down to the bees, we’ll have some honey made up for your bear friend.”

Yes! You are the best, most cleverest ever! You collect Pocket and head down to the bee hives.

“So are you okay? You’re kind of bloody.”

“I mean, I just had sex with ferrets it was your plan.”

“Yeah but, they really beat you up.”

“They bit me, they’re ferrets. It was your plan.”

“But—”

“Everything that happened was your plan okay this is your plan your fault. What happened to your eye?”

:crcljashberitheye: “Some mice shot me in the face with rocks.”

“Haha wow. That bear is going to kill you isn’t she.”

You reach the buzzing of the bee-hives. The ferret on duty is wearing a full-body suit to protect her from stings. She gives you a big bladder full of honey.

Honey acquired!

You also follow Hanshah’s smell out to a hollowed log, where she’s left a smaller bladder of honey.

Even more honey acquired!

Jashbireth 2012/12/03(Mon)10:10 No. 476285 ID: 62d358
File 135455820216.png - (127.29KB , 700x700 , BB47.png )

You now have oodles of honey and some love poems to impress the bear with!

Is it time to woo your beloved-bear-to-be? Or is there more preparation to do?

A: You’re readier than you’ll ever be!
B: Explore Bumblebee Lane some more!
C: Hit up Tangled-Ivy Manor for more preparing!
D: Check out Hanshah’s mouse haven again?
E: Go back to the forest?

Aren't there, like, some bushes we could roll around in to smell better?

Okay, no, wait, actually, we could smear honey all over ourselves and then the bear would find us virtually irresistible.

Definitely A.

...should maybe apologizing or making amends to Pockets be on that list? I mean, we did just kind of whore her out to a brutal gangbang with no warning and for little profit. That sort of thing is generally seen as something of a dick move. t_t

gogogo

A.
this is best plan ever.

>>476290
This.

Fuck it A
But apologize to Pocket. You thought she wouldn't mind, she's been bored all day, and with your dumb guy brain thought she could use some action too. You shouldn't get all the sex, you know? But that's your big dumb guy brain and you thought Pocket as a similar guy this one time and your sorry. You'll pimp out the mice next time, you promise. Since, well, they're dudes right? They probably wouldn't mind being pimped out to women.

A, you are ready

>>476304
No more need be said.

>>476304
Yeah, this.

Jashbireth 2012/12/03(Mon)14:28 No. 476335 ID: 62d358
File 135457372635.png - (54.33KB , 500x500 , BB48.png )

A, you’re ready to seduce that bear!

You also decide you should probably apologize to Pocket some more?

You settle down near a little puddle and try to wash some of the puffiness from your eye. You also let Pocket wash the. Uh. You let Pocket wash herself.

“I guess renting you out to the ferrets was kind of mean.”

“Well but at least you got the honey from it right?”

“I think that was the poetry.”

“But you tricked the ferrets and that cat into giving us double honey?”

“Well, yeah.”

“That’s good! I think we’re coming out on top.”

“Well, I still feel bad about what I did.”

“Well, it wasn’t a bad plan! It worked!”

“But they hurt you.”

Pocket gives you a look like you’ve got six faces and she isn’t sure which one to look at.

“Is that what you're worried about uhh heelloo we had sex of course they hurt me.”

“Uh…”

“Do you even know how sex works.”

“Uh—”

“Like do you apologize to a vixen when you give her the knot?”

“But—”

“Have you even ever had sex with a vixen! Have you ever had sex with anything your size?”

“I—”

“I mean I’m still angry you didn’t tell me the whole plan but I guess you didn’t know the whole plan yet either, that happens. I know about tricks and plans okay that is my soul’s secret. I’m still going to laugh if the bear kills you though.”

You aren’t really sure what to say anymore. Although you’ve traveled with Pocket for a while, you don’t feel like you actually understand her very well.

Like, a thousand years ago, during the Great Society, Third Father Ahbramitos said all animals with souls were the same, and just came in different shapes. More than ever, now, you feel how immaturely hopeful that was. You can’t be sure if you’ll ever understand how other species think, not deep down. You can speak with them and be friends with them and travel with them, but can you ever really know their souls?

Honestly, you better.

Because you’re going to try and seduce a bear. Now.

Jashbireth 2012/12/03(Mon)14:29 No. 476336 ID: 62d358
File 135457376075.png - (45.69KB , 500x500 , BB49.png )

It’s not hard to find her.

Her smell is flaked around the area of the lakes. Its heavy and powerful, alien and refined and brutish. It reminds you of something between wolf and ferret.

It’s twilight when you see her massive, heavy body striding lazily along the lake. She has a huge sack across her side that you could probably fit in. You think maybe you’ve underestimated how big bears are. Good God.

This is what your quest has lead up to. This is the Moment.

Everything is on your back now.

What are you going to do?

Inventory
-1 Smoke Bomb
-1 Eye-irritant Bomb
-2 Springwork Guns
-2 Bladders of Honey
-1 Roll of Love Poems
-5 Mice
-1 Stoat

Start reciting some sexy love poetry to the bear!

return to Bumblebee Lane and ask if they possess penis-enhancing drugs.

or, you know, just approach her and say hi.

>>476336
Maybe you should take a look at the poetry first before you read it out loud to a bear, just in case it maybe only really would apply to ferrets or something.

Personally I think the worst thing that could happen is you offend the bear and she tells you to get lost. I don't think she will actually kill you for attempting to woo her. She'll probably think you're hilarious and dumb. I mean what could you even do for her if you're successful, she's SO BIG. She could probably fit your head up in there; wouldn't it be like a hot dog in a hallway situation? Also from what we've heard of her she's very talkative. Maybe you should just aim for getting into a conversation with her first.

Use the smoke bomb to create a blinding cloud (don't accidentally use the eye-irritant bomb), and then like, use that to stand in front of her. So when the smoke clears, you'll just be right there. Have the poetry ready to recite as soon as you are recognised. Then give her the honey, and then possibly your penis.

OR

Use the eye irritant bomb to blind her eyes, and then rape her. Your eyes might get irritated as well, but yeah. If she tries to kill you, run away. She won't recognise you, so you can still try again later.

Introduce yourself.

Save the smoke bomb and irritant bomb for if things head south, in a non-sexual manner.

Offer up the first bladder as part of your initial conversation with her. Hang onto the second one pending her reactions.

Also, seconding the reading of the poems before you engage her attention, to see if they're of any quality.

>I’m still going to laugh if the bear kills you though
Fair enough.

>what do?
Introductions, charm offensive, gift honey, gift small, honey dipped mammal-snacks.

If things go over well, move on to wooing with poetry. If things go badly, your onboard rodent crew can fire smoke or firearms.

Jashbireth 2012/12/03(Mon)16:45 No. 476362 ID: 62d358
File 135458193607.png - (86.38KB , 500x500 , BB50.png )

Read the poems first

You have Pocket take the poem-scroll out. You spread the paper out on dry ground and read, scrunching your eyes in the twilight to make out the details of ink on paper (in this in-between lighting it all kind of blurs together).

All of the poems are in the Post-Neo-Standard language, which is good, but some of them are kind of crap, which is bad. It’s good you’re picking one out ahead of time! You decide on a nice little crow-style poem about evenings and love. It seems appropriate!

Now how to approach her?

Most of your ideas are the simple, clean thought of approaching her and introducing yourself, maybe offering some honey… but what then? How do you segue from saying “Hi, I’m Jashbireth” to “Here’s some honey and a poem” without sounding stupid? No.

No.

You’re the Best Goddamned Bandit.

You’re going with the best idea that you have.

You sneak up super-stealthy along the lake’s edge, heading up towards her. Soon you can see her smoothly lumbering silhouette approach. You tell Pocket to get the small bladder of honey and lay it among the grass, in her path.

She also sets off the smoke bomb.

Pocket scurries back to you as the thick smoke sprays up into the air. It’s light and smells overpoweringly of dust. You manage to keep yourself from sneezing.

The sudden appearance of smoke on the lake-edge, a tiny pocket of twilight fog, makes the bear stop. She shifts her massive head up, sniffing. You know she can’t possibly pick out your scent from among the cloud.

You were planning on waiting for the smoke to disperse before doing anything else, but she’s walking towards your cloud curiously and you don’t want her to accidentally step on the honey. Or on you.

So you recite the poetry from within the smoke.

“Crashing, crashing…”

The poem is an impressionistic thing, with a wandering rhyme-meter. It’s kind of comparing the time between day and night with love? You think that’s what it means. Crow poetry is hard.

The bear stops at the sound of your voice. You see a roll of surprise in her body that melts into wonderment. You think it’s wonderment. How can she not think this is the most romantic thing ever?

Slowly the fog begins to thin out, and she sees you and the honey, sitting there.

“Well!”

Her voice is gruff and powerfully feminine. It reminds you of large trees, for some reason.

“What is this then? I thought the Smoke Foxes were all a myth.”

“I am no myth, but I am no Smoke Fox either. I am Jashbireth, the Best Bandit. I’ve come to improve your evening.”

You make a little motion at the bladder of honey between the two of you.

“Is that honey? You came prepared for me, Best Bandit. What are you stealing?”

“Your heart.”

You aren’t sure how to read bear body language, but you’re pretty darn sure this is totally working.

You’ve won her attention and amusement.

What is your next step?

It would help if you could remember her name, too. What was it?

>>476362
(oops on further review the ferret we spoke to said she "takes so much" not "talks so much". All we know is she trades a lot of fish for a lot of honey at once.)
Her name is Majorie, or so we've heard.

Compliment the lady! You can admire her strength, her skill at fishing, or her mannerisms. She did call you out on being a bandit, so she could be said to be wise as well.

Ooh ooh also ask her about herself! We have heard some things about her, but how she lives and what she does is a mystery.

Majorie, I believe.

At least I hope this is Majorie.

>>476367
>Compliment the lady! You can admire her strength, her skill at fishing, or her mannerisms. She did call you out on being a bandit, so she could be said to be wise as well.
Best not to compliment her on her fishing skill per se, since we've never seen it--but we can indicate that we've heard very impressive things from the ferrets.

Also, she, didn't call us out, that's how we introduced ourself.

Tell her you've admired her serene, confident grace since you first laid eyes on her; do not mention this occurred five minutes ago.

I'd say be humble, but you've already declared yourself the Best.

>>476389
Well, she called us out on planning to steal something.

Let's not risk getting this wrong, just ask her name. Romantically.

Idk, let's go with Majorie.

Say something like, I dunno. Like her fur looks really nice this evening. But be more eloquent. Try not to come off as too corny, but it's going to be hard. Remark on the sweetness of the honey, and awkwardly try to compare it to her. I don't know what is sweet about bears, but I am sure you can think of something.

>>476396
It's fuckin' sweet when they maul things, that's what.

dude who fucked Pocket said it was Majorie. if he was wrong, we will go back and eat him from the feet up.

tell her that the really lives up to the legends people tell of her huge beauty, which is obviously how you know her name. since any other option would be creepy.

Jashbireth 2012/12/04(Tue)04:51 No. 476467 ID: 24d1d9
File 135462548220.png - (72.94KB , 500x500 , BB51.png )

You’re sure her name was Majorie! Nice! Time to compliment her and ask her about herself and stuff!

“I’ve long been an admirer of your serene and confident grace, unmatched by any other. You have stolen my heart, so I must do it in turn.”

“I’ve never even seen or smelt you before, fox. How long have you been my admirer?”

Uhuhuh

“Beyond eye’s sight or nose’s touch, my sweet Majorie. I’ve heard of you from the ferrets, and came here myself to know you closer than speech.”

“Well, Best Bandit, I’m going back to my den with some fish. If you want to walk with me for now, it would amuse me.”

She takes your honey and starts walking.

Yes! You are so in.

You hop up to your paws and walk alongside her. Oh jeez but she is huge. Her whole body moves in these smooth, powerful strides and you have to kind of trot now and then to keep up.

She and you actually manage to make some okay small-talk! You ask her about her fishing, and she tells you some of how she does it, and you compliment her. She asks you what you do, and you tell her of your adventures. You play off the wound on your eye like some awesome battle-wound!

You make an awkward comparison of her to honey that’s seriously pretty bad, but she doesn’t seem put off by it!

You go up into the forest near the lakes, and soon you’re near the mound of earth that her den is carved into. It’s pretty swank, set up with all these big tree-braces and stuff.

“You’ve been an entertaining companion, fox, but speak straight with me. I make an effort towards solitude. I’ve not sought friendship before. What do you come to me for? Why me? What do you want?”

You’re totally outside of her den!

All you have to do seal the deal and you’re in! Maybe sexually!

What, exactly, do you say?

"Fancy a shag?"

>>476471
AHahahaa

well she's a girl, you're a guy, it's kinda obvious isn't it?

Lonely girls need lovin' sometimes. You came here to treat her to a nice time and then, to put it bluntly, end the night with a bang.

Those are the eyes of a woman that longs for the touch of a man. Casually mount her and kind of wiggle it up in there, dude. She totally wants you to.

>>476467
>Why me? What do you want?
She was the first one that came along, and you want bragging rights about banging a bear in front of your mates.

You're basically a terrible person.

Say that you're unimpressed by women of other species (basically true, it's the reason you're here in the first place). You came to see if the accounts of her majestic beauty or whatever were accurate, and they turned out to be far more so than you expected (also basically true). Now all others pale in comparison (true in size if nothing else) and you must win her love for your own.

Or something like that.

>>476467
Whatever you say, be a gentleman and a charmer. I do think we should be straight with her though, don't beat around the bush. Mention passion somehow, and wishing to serve her in that capacity. Oh, we could play off what we said earlier about improving her evening.

If she refuses, apologize for wasting her time with a foolish fox's foolish desires, and leave her the other bladder of honey.

Jashbireth 2012/12/04(Tue)13:37 No. 476512 ID: 24d1d9
File 135465706767.png - (63.36KB , 500x500 , BB52.png )

You basically can’t screw this up at this point, right?

All you have to do is tell her!

“An elegant but lonely lady like yourself? I am unimpressed by other species, especially now upon seeing you! I must steal your love now, for myself. The greatest theft, the most treasured treasure.”

“And how will you do that?”

“Uhm. Sexually?”

“I have to attend to my fish-catch.”

“Yeah.”

“Try to steal from me again sometime, bandit. You’re amusing.”

She turns into her den and disappears into the passage.

Awesome.

“You’re the best bandit ever.”

Jashbireth 2012/12/04(Tue)13:38 No. 476513 ID: 24d1d9
File 135465710332.png - (68.61KB , 500x500 , BB53.png )

The walk home would be a long and sad one if you actually had a specific place you called home.

Instead you wander off into the forest a little distance, find a spot of earth that’s dry, and settle down.

You have the mice unbuckle your war-saddle and you slip out of it. It’s the first time it’s been off all day, and the fur on your back feels flattened and damp. There’s still a phantom-weight pressing down against your shoulders and spine. It’s always a weird feeling.

You push some long-dead leaves and dirt together and curl up in under the root of a tree and reflect on how things went.

You got to see two wolves banging. You kind of seduced that librarian? Pocket got, like, five ferrets at once. You’re pretty sure that cat came on to you. The bear actually wants to see you some more, maybe? She basically told you to visit her again! That’s good enough, right?

Also you may have burned down the wolf manor. You harassed a crow! You solved the mystery of the cat’s secret worship cult! And then you blackmailed her over it! And if nothing else, the bear’s night was way more eventful!

You didn’t get laid, but this was a decent adventure!

But you didn’t get laid.

Everyone else did.

You’re… really kind of too turned on from all of this to just go to sleep or something.

A: Beg Pocket to have sex with you.
B: Ask Pocket to have sex with you.
C: Force Pocket to have sex with you.

C. When you're feelin' horny and a weasel's in your tote, just whip out your cock and fuck that stoat.

...anything but C.

Ask, beg, whatever it takes, but you're too guilty to force anything again.

B, remember you are a gentelman..fox..bandit...

>>476517
GENTLEMAN Bandit. A.

Mix up of A and B, ask the gal if she can help you relieve what you have pent up. After the ferrets...she might need to be begged a little.

asking or begging is the same as forcing when you know someone's soul name. do none of the above.

Pocket didn't seem to mind the whole thing too much in the end, so B seems like a safe bet.

B, then C if it fails.

Definitely not C. Going to second >>476519

D! You have a mouth and foxes are flexible, take care of your needs yourself!

>>476519
>>476522
>>476528

D sounds like a plan.

>>476528
Best idea.

d

E: Cry.

I think Pocket's had enough fun already.

B!

NOT C! Try B.

Mixture of D and E. :}

>>476513
C. Put yourself at ease-l and cum on that weasel

B

Wait, what?

A then E then D and then some more E.

Well, tomorrow you can work on the other two initial goals of getting shinier gear (from the raccoon quartermaster) and perhaps getting that crow to join your retinue. And future visits with the bear will probably yield fruit, as might future visits with that Librarian wolf.

But for now, tell Pocket to have sex with you. If she just took five ferrets at once she's probably not "too small for the full deal" any more.

>>476513
Go with B.

B. Leave the choice up to her - she's had a tough time today already.

And don't be too disappointed. Sure, everyone else might have had sex today, but you've gotten a head start on possibly three different future partners! Your patience is sure to pay off.

>>476543
yeah, youve made in's with that bear, and theres a cute little nerd wolf just waiting for a wooing, chalk this day up as a success!

A

It'll cheer her up a bit, maybe. Probably.

C

D. (or B)

>>476544
And there's always D in the meantime.

Tomorrow you can go see that cat. She was totally into you.

Something other than A, B, or C.
She's still bloody, ffs!

C just because.

/B/.

D

D. No one knows you better than yourself!

Jashbireth 2012/12/05(Wed)09:45 No. 476672 ID: 153df0
File 135472955121.png - (62.03KB , 500x500 , BB54.png )

D, suck yourself off!

Pocket’s been through enough. You’re just gonna… suck it up and suck yourself… off…

No, let’s not kid yourself here. You’re too horny. Letting it go that easy was never an option.

B, ask Pocket for sex!

“Hey, Pocket.”

“Yep.”

“Do you wanna, uhm.”

“I mean I guess I can uhm. Uhm uhm uhm.”

“Sex.”

“You’re asking me for sex.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“You’re not just gonna flop down on top of me and start grinding away?”

“Well, you’ve already been through a lot…”

“And you’re not going to beg me either or anything your plan is to just be like hey can you lick my dong.”

“Uhm…”

“You just like. Think I’m going to hop on your belly and get to work because you asked and I mean not even asking nicely just asking.”

“But—”

“You’re pathetic. Get on your back.”

You roll over onto your back. Pocket climbs up onto your chest, her body this limp weight pressing down on four little points. She tickles your belly as she shuffles down to it.

“Are you actually going to—oh!”

Yeah, she’s going to. You can feel her little paws and mouth going to work on your business end. It feels okay. It isn’t penetration, though, like. You haven’t actually ever had penetrative sex. It’s mostly just been fooling around with Pocket, and you think you got drunk one time and did some stuff with all your mice.

Maybe you’re on the right track to fixing that though. You try to fantasize about that antsy wolf librarian who you totally put the moves on. Or the bear! She wants to see you again. Maybe even the cat? Can you fit it in a cat?

You barely notice your own orgasm, and Pocket slips off of you as soon as it happens, dripping with your spunk.

“I’m gonna find something to eat I’ll back later try to get some sleep.”

Jashbireth 2012/12/05(Wed)09:47 No. 476674 ID: 153df0
File 135472962678.png - (72.29KB , 500x500 , BB55.png )

You drift off to sleep, recounting the events of the day.

Animal Relations:

Unwelcoming

Familiar

Familiar

Friendly

Friendly

Settlement Relations

Tangled-Ivy Manor: Neutral

Bumblebee Lane: Friendly

Things Achieved

Recruited a mouse!

Set a huge fire!

Caught a crow!

Sold your best friend sexually!

Took a rock to the face!

Blackmailed a cat!

Almost seduced a bear!

Final Ranking

Best Bandit

See you next adventure!

Pocket is just SO UNIMPRESSED.

So... our relation to our friends/subordinates/whatever they call themselves is unimportant?

It's probably safe to say they're in for the long haul. Pocket can't leave because Jashbireth knows her soul name, for instance. I have no idea why knowing her soul name means she can't really escape Jashbireth, but that's pretty much the case.

...our best friend has a lower opinion of us than people we blatantly and transparently flirted with. I wouldn't be surprised if her perception of us actually went down.

>>476696
The word you are looking for is "equipment"

I think we've been thinking of her the wrong way. She likes effective and tricky plans and being in on the planning of them, not being treated especially nicely. She would've thought better of us if we had gone for the beg or force options because they were more likely to actually work. Alternatively you could look at it as begging being more manipulative and forcing being more assertive, both good qualities in a bandit. Just lamely asking is not proper behavior for the best bandit and I admit that was a mistake.

We shouldn't be so worried about other peoples' feelings, and be more worried about our own goals! BE SELFISH.

>>476705

Seems about right, her thing about the ferrets was like "It worked" and the sex was pretty much how Ferrets have sex, not like it was off for her.

>>476708
Conclusion: Pocket is basically like Sil from Rance in that we should treat her as a (primarily sexual) resource, and she'll like that.

Good quest.