Are you just trying to distract us from the fact there's nothing worth looting in this caravan? We oughtta blow your brains out for wasting our time.

FRACTAL 2017/03/27(Mon)19:36 No. 791025 ID: 218f17
File 149066860546.png - (408.69KB , 700x410 , 24.png )

You don't have time for this shit. "Uh, no. We're just gonna take all your shit and leave, I think." At a wave, TIOS begins driving the rig down from the dune. "Sorry. Just not really sounding like a worthwhile deal to us."

Jasper is frothing. "If you think we're just going to STAND HERE and let you take all our supplies, if you think we're just going to let you leave us for dead -"

"Peace, Lieutenant." Pacifist McShithead smiles gently, and you roll your eyes as you head over to their rig and start to hook it up to your own. "This may all be in -"

"If you say it's all in God's plan I'm going to shoot you in the head," you call over your shoulder. "Right in the fucking head."

FRACTAL 2017/03/27(Mon)19:37 No. 791026 ID: 218f17
File 149066862366.png - (376.77KB , 700x398 , 25.png )

It's a good haul. Around 17000 liters of gasoline, nearly the capacity of your rig's tanker, enough rations to feed you and varlet for maybe two months after the cut - and that's a generous estimate, anyway - and nearly 5000 liters of clean water. There's no WAY you aren't going to get the week's commendation for this. "Venetirians are so fucking loaded," you mutter, as you and Varlet load the last of the rations into the rig.

He's mostly come back to his senses, and he giggles conspiratorially. "Commendation, commenDAtion, oh my gggggod. It's been SO long."

"We're gonna get to keep, like, 60% of this." You slam the side storage door and dust your hands off against each other. "What do you wanna do with the three-day indulgence."

"Take BATHS, obviously," he responds immediately. "JACK OFF in the bath. For three DAYS Eat WAY MORE RATIONS THAN I NEED, while JACKING OFF, in the BA-"

TIOS interrupts in your com sets. [APPROACHING RIG. MARKED AS A MEMBER OF THE SCREAMING FLEET.]

FRACTAL 2017/03/27(Mon)19:37 No. 791027 ID: 218f17
File 149066865905.png - (383.51KB , 700x425 , 26.png )

"Oh, hell." You wave absently at Montresor and the prophet, already getting a foot up on the rig in preparation. "Any idea which crew?"

[LAUGHTER. THE PARLOR TRICKS.]

Varlet immediately bursts out in hysterics. Your jaw sets. "Okay, we're going. We gotta go. Let's go immediately."

>>791027
varlet if you dont shut the fuck up and get in the big car there wont be water for you to jack off into

start the engine even if he isn't in the cab - he'll hop on (or not)

are you done? is everything ready? gO
(varlet can stay here, since he seems to be enjoying himself so much)

Screw it.

Leave the civies to the mercy of the fleet. They'll make for a good distraction while you escape, but you need to leave and you need to hide.

FLOOR IT!

>>791027
history much?

Vroom vroom. Don't forget to pick up TiOS on your way out. The rest of these suckers can eat your dust, Varlet included.

Get one of the civilians to drive at gunpoint, stay alert and defend your haul from the new crowd

FRACTAL 2017/07/26(Wed)00:01 No. 818505 ID: 160092
File 150105246680.png - (425.29KB , 700x482 , 27.png )

You hop on the rig and TIOS floors it. It's driving remotely, of course, and stops the rig to allow itself to clip onto the top deck. Based on the screeching you can hear behind you, Varlet just barely managed to grab onto the handlebars near the tanker's coupling.

[PARLOR TRICKS APPROACHING AT HIGH SPEED,] TIOS warns you. [THE MAJESTY IS FASTER THAN BLACK BETTY, CLEVELAND, YOU KNOW THAT.]

You spit off the side of the rig, scowling. The Majesty is The Parlor Tricks' rig; Black Betty, your own. What kind of fucking name is The Majesty anyway. Bunch of assholes.

[INCOMING COMMUNICATION,] TIOS says, and somehow its toneless voice is managing to sound tired.

"Shit. Fuck. Shit shit fuck shit f-"

FRACTAL 2017/07/26(Wed)00:01 No. 818506 ID: 160092
File 150105248719.png - (409.02KB , 700x474 , 28.png )

"Now, HEY, little sister, is this any way to greet me?"

You slap the side of the rig as the familiar voice cuts across your comlink. Eulogy Bones, captain of The Parlor Tricks, your fraternal twin and eternal pain in your fucking ass. You reach up to smack the button on your comlink so hard you nearly drive it into your skull. "This is an assigned job, Eulogy. No scavenging."

"Who's scavenging? Maybe I just wanted to see you!"

[THE MAJESTY HAS CRESTED THE DUNE, WILL REACH THE CARAVAN MOMENTARILY.]

FRACTAL 2017/07/26(Wed)00:01 No. 818508 ID: 160092
File 150105249908.png - (541.32KB , 700x536 , 29.png )

You switch over to your crew channel. "I can't do this. I can't fucking talk to her. I don't wanna see her, I don't wanna see her stupid sexy first mate -"

"HER WHAT," Varlet shrieks.

"TIOS, can we go ANY faster-"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL HIM?"

FRACTAL 2017/07/26(Wed)00:02 No. 818509 ID: 160092
File 150105253159.png - (0.97MB , 700x1580 , 30.png )

You've met The Parlor Tricks, another pirate crew within the Screaming Fleet. Their diplomacy level is set to AFFILIATED: if you're in mortal danger, they're likely to assist you, but in most cases they'll put their own wellbeing over yours (including to your direct detriment). You cannot play as any member of The Parlor Tricks unless you get at least the captain's and the first mate's diplomacy level to ALLIED.

Are you allowed to shoot out her tires? Maybe generate a smokescreen and gain some headway in the cloud?

>better than cleveland at literally everything

no way. cleveland's got better skill, ability, and constitution. >>727159

does black betty have like. nitrous? can you rocket away really fast, before varlet turns *too* green with jealousy?

i mean, what can they even do to you at this point? you've already made off with the loot, so just grin and bear your twin's... whatever it is

FRACTAL 2017/07/26(Wed)00:42 No. 818518 ID: 160092
File 150105492177.png - (91.61KB , 700x600 , goodpoint.png )

>>818515

>>818511
Don't shoot out The Majesty's tires, just have TIOS drop caltrops and maybe some sort of pursuit-deterrent mines from hammerspace. If anybody asks, you were worrying about that crazy bastard with the axe and the gold armor fixing up one of the caravan's escort bikes or something. Plausible deniability.

Okay, she's smarter, focused on charisma, has a well-rounded team with higher stats than yours, and a better jeep. What she DOESN'T have is INTEL.

I don't care how you do it, just trick your sister into insulting Jasper or threatening Pariah's safety on an open channel. Let Jasper distract her with a berserker suicide rage dash.

>>818525
This is a good point, but I think her crew could probably take Jasper.
Then, even if we've secured the supplies and whatnot, she's likely to figure out what's up with the exile, buy into the idea of ransoming her off and lording the decision over Cleveland. Might even spin it as the better deal and swipe the commendation out from under us.

Might be best to just swipe the exile and control all loot (potential or otherwise), even if she proves to be trouble later.

cleveland has a cruuuuuush

Aren't snipers. like, supposed to be emotionally stable?
How'd you fuck that up?

>>818540
Oh shit. Is not taking the plot bait gonna come back to bite us? Maybe we should go back for her, just in case.

>>818599
Bullshit. We're not gonna get exiled demagogues or sibling rivalry pressure us into accepting a bum deal.

FRACTAL 2017/07/27(Thu)16:29 No. 818898 ID: 160092
File 150119814513.png - (299.01KB , 700x452 , 31.png )

Doing anything to damage The Majesty is a huge no-go. After all, the point of the Screaming Fleet is for everyone to bring as much loot back to the citadel as possible; damaging another crew's rig, even "accidentally," would get you all in extremely deep shit.

"Maybe we should turn around," you say.

"WHAT," shrieks Varlet.

[WHAT,] says TIOS.

"Just - to grab the prophet. I mean, what if they're ACTUALLY as valuable as they said, and The Parlor Tricks snatch them up and get the commendation instead, and -"

[HIGHLY INADVISABLE, AND ALSO STUPID,] TIOS interrupts. [THEY'VE ALREADY CRESTED THE HILL. WE COULDN'T BEAT THEM BACK THERE IF WE TRIED.]

"Well - but - AGH, I JUST DON'T WANT MY SISTER TO HAVE ANY OF OUR SCRAPS."

"ARE YOU TWELVE?!" Varlet screams.

[When playing as Cleveland or Varlet, you can issue commands to TIOS that it will have no choice but to obey (for example, "turn the rig around.") However, if you do this against its advice or opinion - especially repeatedly - you risk lowering its diplomacy level with you (currently DEVOTED to Cleveland and ALLIED with Varlet).]

Give me more speed, TIOS! Don't care how you do it! We aim to leave the Tricks' trucks in the dust.
Maybe taunt Jasper into thinking the cleanup crew was your idea so she cuts loose on 'em.

go go go! who cares if your sister and her crew get your scraps, it's pretty pathetic of them to swoop in after you've done all the dirty work

also the prophet is annoying and if you managed to grab them you'd have to suffer through a car ride with them

If you would fuckin' stop and think like a fuckin' grown-up for two seconds you'd realize that if your goddamn Mary Sue sister stops to pick at the scraps you left behind, it means that she isn't catching up to you with the goddamn main course in your hold! You WANT her to do that in this situation and not try to drop a "accident" on you and steal your haul! Now, TIOS, FULL SPEED AHEAD! Leave 'em in the dust!

>>818898
"Fuck it, nothing's worth not avoiding an encounter with them parlour twits. And screw you I'm not twelve."

LEAVE 'EM IN THE DUST YEAH!

TIOS CAN YOU MAKE SOME KINDA LOUD SOUND THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FART? I WANT THEM TO HEAR IT!

>>818975
this here. its important

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:05 No. 821829 ID: 160092
File 150243155853.png - (543.75KB , 800x736 , 32.png )

"Oh, fuck it. Nothing's worth having an unneeded run-in with them. TIOS, full speed ahead, I want OUT of here." You flick on a refraction cam so you can glare right into Varlet's contacts. "And screw you. I'm not twelve."

"Well, you sure had ME fooled," he snipes back.

"Whatever. TIOS, while we're leaving, get resonance and refraction on The Majesty. I wanna know what they're doing."

[AFFIRMATIVE. AUDIO AND VISUAL COMING RIGHT UP.]



Your sister's grandstanding.

"Up and at 'em, crew! I spy a Valkyrie, and god knows that armor'll keep us in lace!" She leans over the railing, exuberant as always, but her expression grows even more elated when she gets a clearer view of the scuttled caravan. "Ohhhh, Luuuucien. Do you see what I see?"

The stupid sexy first mate leans over her shoulder. "Aye, Captain. Those are a prophet's robes."

"HA! Oh, little sister, your path of least resistance is gonna get you NOWHERE fast." Eulogy makes a wide, swirling gesture over her head. "Malkelia, take the Valkyrie! Lucien, snatch the asset!"

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:06 No. 821831 ID: 160092
File 150243157523.png - (598.23KB , 800x677 , 33.png )

"You got it, Cap'n!" You know Kel - she's not too bright, and you don't know if you'd say she's particularly loyal to your sister, but she likes the way The Parlor Tricks do things, and she's a terror in a fight.

You were ready to try to sic Jasper on the Tricks, somehow, but it looks like they're ready to do it themselves anyway. Kel hits the sand hard, rolls, gets up in fighting form, feral and zeroed in - but before she can charge, an animate swarm spills over the side of the majesty and streaks along the sand, around her and between her legs.

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:06 No. 821832 ID: 160092
File 150243158932.png - (559.41KB , 800x642 , 34.png )

Jasper doesn't scream as the swarm hits her. To her credit, she does get an axe swing or two in before she's overtaken - but none of the blows connect, and she hits the sand under the weight of the churning mass.

Kel swivels around, furious, and TIOS' resonance relay lets you hear what she's shouting into her comlink loud and clear. "VERMIN! THAT WAS MY KILL!"

[CLEVELAND ROMANCE ROUTE LOST: JASPER MONTRESOR]

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:06 No. 821833 ID: 160092
File 150243160360.png - (659.72KB , 800x863 , 35.png )

From up on deck, Vermilion II, the youngest member of the Tricks, is smirking. "Oops. And I know pronunciation is hard for you, but if you could try to get my name right, just this once-"

"YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT. HOW'D YOU LIKE IT IF I FUCKEN SMASHED UP SOME OF YOUR PRECIOUS RATS, HUH?"

"You better not," Vermilion sneers. "It'll make me SAD and then I'll DIE and then who's gonna stop them from skeletonizing YOU?"

"Cut it out, Kel," says Eulogy. "Vermin, good kill, but don't act without orders, you know that. Get the rats to bring the armor up, and I want not a scratch on it. Lucien, how's the prisoner?"

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:06 No. 821834 ID: 160092
File 150243161746.png - (512.15KB , 800x690 , 36.png )

The prisoner is screaming.

"Jasper - Jasper - My knight- UNHAND me! Unhand me, you barbarian!" The prophet's tiny hands are doing exactly nothing as they beat against Lucien's broad chest. "How could you?!"

Lucien's not looking at her. "I apologize, sincerely, for your anguish and suffering. It is not our express intent to cause you pain." They're on the deck, then, in a showy burst of steam. "But we are pirates, and this is the way of the wastes. If you were unprepared to defend yourselves, you should not have come here."

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:07 No. 821835 ID: 160092
File 150243163422.png - (640.39KB , 800x630 , 37.png )

The prophet weeps, still struggling against Lucien's tight grip. "You're monsters. You're monsters - and the others would have left us to die- horrible. Horrible!" They finally fall limp, trembling. "We should have never tried to negotiate. Every single one of you - all pirates are beasts."

[The Unnamed Prophet's diplomacy level against all members of the Screaming Fleet has been set to VENDETTA.]

[CLEVELAND/VARLET/TIOS ROMANCE ROUTE LOST: THE UNNAMED PROPHET]

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:07 No. 821836 ID: 160092
File 150243165385.png - (284.09KB , 800x732 , 38.png )

You've unlocked information about DIPLOMACY LEVELS and ROMANCE.

A person's DIPLOMACY LEVEL determines how beneficial or harmful they'll be to you and those affiliated with you.

VENDETTA: This person will do everything in their power to fuck you over. They are consumed with the desire to stop you from achieving your goals. VENDETTA is a diplomacy level that cannot be changed with normal socialization - under extenuating circumstances, you may be able to change a VENDETTA diplomacy level by illuminating a serious misconception about the event that led to the level change, but typically VENDETTA persists until death. You cannot romance someone with a VENDETTA against you, or a VENDETTA against anyone whose diplomacy level with you is FRIENDLY or better.

HOSTILE: If this person sees you, they will vigorously attempt to fuck you over. They are eager to stop you from achieving your goals. However, out of sight, out of mind - they have their own business to attend to, and won't go out of their way to hunt you down unless it would be to their immense benefit.

NEUTRAL: This person wouldn't feel bad about fucking you over. They don't care if you achieve your goals or not. If you don't bother them, they won't bother you.

AFFILIATED: This person wouldn't feel bad about fucking you over, as long as doing so wouldn't put you in mortal danger. They share at least some goals with you, and will help you if doing so would benefit them. All members of the Screaming Fleet are, by default, AFFILIATED with The Cat and Crow.

FRIENDLY: This person would be extremely reluctant to fuck you over. They're happy to help you achieve your goals, as long as doing so wouldn't be too troublesome to them. You can easily ask this person for assistance, loans of equipment or items, and information, and they will likely offer it for free.

ALLIED: This person will not fuck you over unless doing so would be to their immense benefit, or not doing so would threaten their life. They consider your goals and their own goals to be the same. You're a team, and they'll follow orders/consider suggestions almost all of the time, within reason. All members of a crew must be at least ALLIED with each other, or the crew risks dissolution; to be able to play as members of a crew besides The Cat and Crow, you must reach a diplomacy level of ALLIED with that crew's captain AND first mate.

DEVOTED: This person would never fuck you over. They want nothing more than to help you achieve your goals. The severity of an action required to change a DEVOTED diplomacy level is about the same as what would be required to incite VENDETTA, and similarly, DEVOTION typically lasts until death. DEVOTION can be either platonic or romantic, and both are equally intense.

FRACTAL 2017/08/10(Thu)23:07 No. 821837 ID: 160092
File 150243166750.png - (317.55KB , 800x509 , 39.png )

A person who is DEVOTED to someone else becomes an incredible support resource to them in combat; meanwhile, a pair who experience reciprocal DEVOTION for each other are a nearly unstoppable force. Both romantic and platonic DEVOTION offer this effect; there's no real mechanical benefit to trying to pursue romance over friendship.

But romance is fun! Cleveland, Varlet, and TIOS are all bisexual, but any one of them may reject individual romance options based on their personal tastes. Additionally, certain romance options may be only available to certain crew members; for example, Jasper was a lesbian, and would never consider an AI an equal, so she was unavailable to Varlet and TIOS.

Even if you gain control of other romanceable characters, a romance can only be progressed when playing as a member of The Cat and Crow (as in, you can't gain control of a romance option, play as them, and suddenly start issuing commands like "ask Cleveland out.")

Almost every NPC is romanceable. But you have limited time and energy, and some may not be okay with you having more than one love interest - if you stretch yourself too thin, you won't be able to pursue something meaningful.

TIOS- begin putting the moves on Vermilion.

>[CLEVELAND ROMANCE ROUTE LOST: JASPER MONTRESOR]
So that's her last name. Screw her.
>[The Unnamed Prophet's diplomacy level against all members of the Screaming Fleet has been set to VENDETTA.]
Less insignificant, but without Jasper she's just a helpless wretch.
>Every single one of you - all pirates are beasts
Keep this speech in mind next time you talk to her: {News flash, 8!+(# - this wasteland strips people of their sanity, dehydrates their decency, and physically eviscerates the transient few who are morally incorruptible. We're still human BECAUSE we left everything else behind. Hell, you got better treatment than most outcasts because the fleet chose to have balanced madmen criticizing each other instead of purely artistic rape mayhem.

Hell is other people. We keep ourselves fed to buffer our vulgarity with fat and rhetoric, but when body or mind are deprived you can see what vibrant horrors we can come up with.}

>>821842
Nah man, rats and circuitry go together like prophets and pirates.

uhh congratulations to the parlor tricks for succesfully handling a situation. this is gonna come back to bite us in the ass

We don't have a crewmember that oneshots people like Vermin, do we? Man, I think we're outgunned.

>>821835
Well, I'm sure we'll be hearing about this in the immediate future.
Clevelend, start bracing for mockery now, you might even be somewhat ready for when the inevitable smugening happens.

But for now, all of you take comfort in the fat loot you've gotten to haul away.

>>821851
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life

okay I see two main options. just fuck off back to base and stew about this, or go steal the prophet from your sister.

pros of fucking off: dont gotta interact with eulogy
cons of fucking off: loser baby move

pros of swiping the prophet:
1) You Win, Haha Eulogy
2) Big Sexy (Lucien and KEL...)

cons of swiping the prophet:
1) no real plan
2) its probably a bad idea
3) Interaction With Sister
4) Big Sexies would be mad, probably
5) prophet has a vendetta. they dont seem particularly dangerous, but its still there.

Third option: Fucking off for now, trying to swipe the prophet later on down the road after some planning. Thats what I think we should do.

The best move here is to get this load of supplies to home base and get rewarded. Whatever profit might have been had by taking the prophet, we (RIGHTLY) decided we aren't poised to be able to effectively exploit it. We made a decision to not deal with her, or her shit, and now that someone else has decided to try it we're acting like stupid jealous kids? Fuck that, we've got a real win here with all this booty we scored.

The Tricks are going to get themselves into some really deep shit with all this showy, high profile garbage. Fuck them and the shitstorm they're stirring up. Let's get back to base with our haul.