CF 2009/10/25(Sun)23:57 No. 69684 ID: d6a754
File 125654024493.png - (11.12KB , 600x500 , 001.png )

The year is the dangerous far away future of 1996. Humans have become the second space faring race to leave Earth, and the first to colonise planets beyond the stars.
One such planet is Belzar, where you are right now.

While some of humanity's finest men and women of science are furthering our universal conquest, you have a much more important role, for you are a racer. Not just any racer.
You're the best racer ever. And incredibly handsome, and strong, and good looking. You've won every race you've been in, and you're incredibly modest.

You are the driver of the Raw Umber Eagle and your name is--

Maxwell Barrowing-Dunderspeed McHandsome!

or is it? (ENTER NAME HERE)

Martin Wristbroke

CAPTAINADMIRAL FALCONHAWK

>>69686
Our car is the Eagle. We have to be something Eagle. Admiral is good. Maybe Colonel, or General. Nah, Admiral Eagle works.

Dirk Hardpec

Acting Sub-Lieutenant Eagle

Here's a video with lots of good ideas!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY

I vote we go with "Admiral Ram", because obviously that is a ram on his helmet.

CF 2009/10/26(Mon)00:34 No. 69692 ID: d6a754
File 125654246363.png - (11.46KB , 600x500 , 002.png )

Of course! Your name and title is Acting-Sub Lieutenant Dirk Martin Hardpec Eagle! Admittedly it is not the best name, but your parents got their comeuppance for it! And they thought they were getting funerals.

There are more pressing matters though. Today is the big race! The Future Zertan-Egrid Race (Official)! Much more important than the Future Zertan-Egrid Race (Unofficial) which you won regardless. That race is hours away though, so you have some time to yourself.

>>69692
Prepare for the race by taking the Raw Umber Eagle out for a test drive! Make sure she's ready to rule the road today!

What's the specs of our racing vehicle?

>>69692
Flex and pose in front of your mirror for hours on end!

CF 2009/10/26(Mon)00:53 No. 69700 ID: d6a754
File 125654363242.png - (13.41KB , 600x500 , 003.png )

>>69695
You flex, but that's no mirror. It's a photograph of yourself. One of your best, that's why you've had one installed in every hotel room you sleep in. God you're good looking.
>>69693
The Raw Umber Eagle would currently be in the shop, where your crack team would be optimising the engines, refulling the inanimate carbon fuel rods, and giving the ol' bird a nice buffing.
>>69694
The Raw Umber Eagle is a top of its class utility racing hover-vehicle. She's a mach 87, the fastest of its kind.
Frequently noted is its inability to turn right, but that's just a testiment to how fantastic a driver you are.
>>69691
Your old college nickname! Of course, back then it had a purely sexual meaning.

>>69700
those will clearly need to be replaced with one of you flexing, looks way better bro.

Also let's go bar cruising

After all, you drive better when you've had a few.

CF 2009/10/26(Mon)01:24 No. 69706 ID: d6a754
File 125654547654.png - (9.24KB , 600x500 , 004.png )

>>69702
You make a mental note of it.
Drinking sounds like a good time kill, but this is your first particular time at this hotel! You almost regret not paying attention on your way to your room, but regretting is for losers, and you're a winner. You agree that that time was better spent focusing on how you can win outside of the big race.

Instead you stand over here, looking at the expanse of your room.

>>69706
Check out that display case. Is that a mini bar?

CF 2009/10/26(Mon)01:39 No. 69708 ID: d6a754
File 125654633895.png - (9.53KB , 600x500 , 005.png )

If there were something to drink here, you'd never leave the room! Except to race. Kind of important, that.
No, this trophy cabinet contains 12 of the various trophies you have gathered throughout your career that have graciously donated to this hotel, so that anyone who might sleep in this room knows what results a winner can pull. It also intimidates any competition, or so you hope.

>>69706
pft, fuck minibars, follow your crotch to the ladies.

>>69708
Go through one of the doors. Do you know which one leads out? I'm just going to pick... the one next to the trophy case. Go through that one.

CF 2009/10/26(Mon)02:17 No. 69711 ID: d6a754
File 125654861894.png - (11.07KB , 1000x500 , 006.png )

>>69710
You exit the room and find yourself in a hallway. Using your previously unmentioned until now powers of FISHEYE VISION you can render the 180 path into one mental image.
There appear to be elevators at either end of the hallway, as well as 3 room on either side. Your door opens up to face the door of the room opposite of you.
Funny how that works, eh?

>>69711
Head to the elevator on your right.

>>69711
ah, fisheye vision. Can't be a pro racer without it.
>>69712
let's go with this.

CF 2009/10/26(Mon)05:22 No. 69716 ID: d6a754
File 125655973475.gif - (345.48KB , 600x500 , 007.gif )

You leave the room.
[animated]

>>69716

Hail the short balding man! Ask him what news he brings from the Lollypop Guild.

Laugh at his tinyness.

>>69716
Greet tiny man with dramatic introduction and action pose!

>>69716
Ask him to demonstrate his techniques.

CF 2009/10/27(Tue)01:20 No. 69822 ID: d6a754
File 125663165654.gif - (13.29KB , 600x500 , 008.gif )

>>69724
You recognise this man! While you've always been number one, he's been right there behind you at spot number two! He is your arch-nemesis! You hate that guy!

You greet him the only way appropriate, by pelvic thrusting him at his height-appropriate face. [animated]

Incidentally, you've forgotten his name. I'm sure you can concentrate hard enough to remember it.

>>69822
Gary M Oak

>>69822
Titty Fagballs.

Lol Zero Punctuation reference.

CF 2009/10/27(Tue)01:51 No. 69826 ID: d6a754
File 125663351384.png - (12.80KB , 600x500 , 009.png )

>>69825
You remember calling him this behind his back. And to his face. And most of the time, right above him. But
>>69823
that seems more accurate. His name is small time, like himself. Because he is short.
>"Oh great, it's you. Must be some terrible joke on the behalf of the management. Do me a favour and leave me be. I need a drink."
His words are heavily saturated with a mix of disappointment, displeasure and a lack of enthusiasm.

What a jerk. Maybe he forgot who you are?

>>69826
Listen to the poor fellow's voice. He's so short, he's depressed about his life, all he wants is a friend. This is your time to turn it all around and be the better man!

Oh wait no it's not. It's time to once again remind him of how inferior he is by leaning on him demeaningly as you inform him that this hallway is for winners only, not losers like him.

CF 2009/10/27(Tue)05:49 No. 69838 ID: d6a754
File 125664776140.png - (12.28KB , 1000x500 , 010.png )

Rather than stand around and be taunted by you, Gary leaves you in the hallway. Not that that stops your efforts.

>"Run away, short man! This is the winner's hallway. For winners. Which you are not. A winner. Ha! You better leave now, because you'd need a headstart! Because, it would, you'd, your legs are short and it would take you longer to get to places! Ha ha!"
He doesn't reply. He's probably too awestruck by your majesty with words.
Oh man. You showed him.

So, onward to the bar?

>>69838
FUCK YES ONWARD TO BAR!

in fact he said he was going to get a drink, follow him.

Go to Bar, find Bitches. Drink and Fuck.

>>69847
Yes, follow Gary, he must know where the BAR is!

CF 2009/10/28(Wed)02:34 No. 70037 ID: eda57e
File 125672249043.png - (12.17KB , 600x500 , 011.png )

Choosing abusing your liver over being curious towards a door ajar, you catch up to that bastardly short man.

Unfortunately for him, neither elevator has arrived yet.
Even though he isn't looking, you point at yourself to indicate all the winners in the immediate area. Just incase he needs a reminder.

"Accidentally" nudge the flower pot to make it fall over Gary, that bastard.

When the elevator shows up, let him get in first, then push every button and get out and go investigate the ajar door. It might be full of Bitches.

CF 2009/10/28(Wed)06:44 No. 70044 ID: eda57e
File 125673749348.png - (15.15KB , 600x500 , 012.png )

>>70038
The flower pot "accidentally" falls off of its pedestal, onto Gary's head, as if it were magnetically drawn to losers.
>"Argh!"

>>70044
Whistle and look the other way.

CF 2009/10/28(Wed)06:49 No. 70046 ID: eda57e
File 125673778222.png - (13.61KB , 600x500 , 013.png )

>"You maniac! What the hell is wrong with you!?"
>"I'll tell you what's right with me. Winning. Oooooh yeaaaaah."
You gesture towards the central winzone with your thumbs.
>"Your goddamn helmet is cutting off the circulation to your brain, that's the problem!

What an angrybad young man loser.

>>70046
Ask him what it's like being number two. After all... you wouldn't know!

Be very insistent on this point.

CF 2009/10/28(Wed)06:52 No. 70048 ID: eda57e
File 125673795287.png - (11.11KB , 600x500 , 014.png )

>>70041
As quick as he can, he gets into the elevator and presses the door closing button.
If he were only that fast in the races, he might do better than second place once in his life.

Where to, now? Your elevator has just arrived.

IMPORTANT NOTE:
Only two lines are between the Admiral being fully dressed and inexplicably naked >>70048
The pockets don't hide this very well

>>70048
Pursue him! Down to the lobby!

Investigate ajar door! It could be a hot naked chick just waiting for you.

Ajar door must be investigated.

Figure out what floor he's going to then rush down the stairs so he knows that we've beaten him to where he's going yet again.

CF 2009/10/29(Thu)06:33 No. 70194 ID: eda57e
File 125682321041.png - (3.16KB , 600x500 , 015.png )

>>70050
>>70060
Unexpectedly, the elevator he got on goes up to the next floor. It pauses, so it would appear he got off at this floor.

Ajar door, goddamit.

>>70194
Well, we know where Gary is... and if he's actually getting a drink, he'll be there for a while.
Let's go back and check out that ajar door. A man's man like ourself can't leave any stone unturned, after all.

CF 2009/10/29(Thu)16:37 No. 70222 ID: eda57e
File 125685944316.png - (10.28KB , 600x500 , 016.png )

Since he can't see you and there's nobody else around, you figure there's no harm in sneaking into Gary's room.

His room is similar to yours, but opposite in layout.

>>70222
what's in the box man? what's in the box?

take a dump on the bed.

third time's a charm CF 2009/10/29(Thu)16:57 No. 70228 ID: eda57e
File 125686064633.png - (15.05KB , 600x500 , 017.png )

>>70223
Opening the box you find books! A lot of books.

>SECOND COMES RIGHT AFTER FIRST
>My career as a Future Zertan-Egrid Race Professional
>GARY M OAK
There's also a picture of Gary's vehicle, "Clemen's Hammer"

CF 2009/10/29(Thu)17:32 No. 70230 ID: eda57e
File 125686273966.png - (8.91KB , 600x500 , 018.png )

You try to take a dump, but fail.
You took a dump before you decided to stare at the poster for 2 hours.

>>70230
Hrm, look and see what crap is on his desk.

CF 2009/10/29(Thu)17:45 No. 70232 ID: eda57e
File 125686351965.png - (7.71KB , 600x500 , 019.png )

>>70231
On the desk you find:
LETTER
PERSONAL LETTER
EMBARRASSING MEDICINE

>>70232
Read letters, inspect medicine! Put everything back exactly as you found it.

CF 2009/10/29(Thu)18:56 No. 70242 ID: eda57e
File 125686776488.png - (36.55KB , 600x1500 , 020.png )

>>70233
>Dear Gary
>I hope this letter reaches you well. I won't be able to make it to your big race. I know how important it is to you. Know that I will be watching the live telecast from this vessel. I should be there by nightfall. I wish you the best of luck with the race. I know if you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything.
>Love, Margret.

>VIP
>To Gary Oak
>You have been invited to the exclusive rooftop restaurant that our hotel boasts. Mingle with your fellow Future Zertan-Egrid Race (Official) competitors, alongside some of our highly esteemed guests.
>Please enjoy your stay.
>-Management

>Gary Oak
>Laxatives
>Take one pill when experiencing bouts of constipation, then wait a few minutes for effects.

Email Margret while pretending to be Gary, inform her that Gary is, in fact, gay.

CF 2009/10/29(Thu)19:27 No. 70247 ID: eda57e
File 12568696186.png - (13.83KB , 600x500 , 021.png )

>>70246
While this is the greatest plan ever concieved, you do not have immediate access to a computer or knowledge of Margret's email.

>>70247
hmmmm, what else to fuck with... ooo see what he has in the door of mystery.

>>70247
Yeah check out his closet and bathroom.

>>70247
Don't forget to check the desk drawers as well.

Take a laxative to aid you in taking a dump on the bed.

hey wait when's the race? do we have time to be dicking around like this?

>>70347
>That race is hours away though, so you have some time to yourself

yes.

>>70348
Well how long do the laxatives lasts? If it lasts hours, well... the last thing we want to do is ruin our shot at the race...

though lets pocket a few, no matter what, just in case. I can see some great potential for prankery in it.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)05:38 No. 70813 ID: eda57e
File 12569926924.png - (11.05KB , 600x500 , 022.png )

>>70353
People who don't throw caution to the win LOSE. You're not a LOSER are you?

You take one laxative. It tastes like a laxative.

proceed to lose bowels, all over bed.

Move the books next to the bed so you can alternate.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)05:48 No. 70818 ID: eda57e
File 125699332442.png - (6.66KB , 600x500 , 023.png )

You pocket 5 more laxatives into your INVENTORY.

While you're waiting for the laxatives to kick in, you check behind door number one.
IT'S... IT'S...!!!

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)05:57 No. 70819 ID: eda57e
File 125699384190.png - (11.38KB , 600x500 , 024.png )

A jacket, two shirts, two pairs of short pants and two pairs of shoes.

THROW THEM ON THE BED!

Also drag that box next to the bed and check inside so that you may also defecate on its contents.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)06:09 No. 70823 ID: eda57e
File 125699456981.png - (15.01KB , 600x500 , 025.png )

>>70820
>>70822
You move everything around offscreen. The box was empty, and is presumably there to help short Gary to access his upper clothing items.

You investigate the bathroom. All seems perfectly fine-- wait a minute.

TAKE THE TOWELS, THEY SHALL NOT ESCAPE THE FURY

Also wad up half the toilet paper and shove it in the toilet then flush. save the other half for yourself. Also leave the bath running with the stopper in.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)06:36 No. 70830 ID: eda57e
File 125699621237.gif - (764.12KB , 600x500 , 026.gif )

>>70823
You see the worst thing you've ever seen in the universe.
The toilet roll is in the inferior underhand position.

>>70830
also, [animated]

...Mother Fucker.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)06:48 No. 70833 ID: eda57e
File 12569968842.png - (10.41KB , 600x500 , 027.png )

>>70825
Uh oh.
There's no time.
You can feel it.
Your throne awaits.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)06:57 No. 70834 ID: eda57e
File 125699742732.png - (11.52KB , 600x500 , 028.png )

You're going to do this, man.

YEA GODS MAKE SURE YOUR PANTS ARE OFF FIRST

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)07:00 No. 70836 ID: eda57e
File 125699765539.png - (6.88KB , 600x500 , 029.png )

>>70834
You're going to--
>>70835
OH GOD

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)07:02 No. 70837 ID: eda57e
File 125699773323.png - (5.62KB , 600x500 , 030.png )

...

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)07:03 No. 70838 ID: eda57e
File 125699779241.png - (4.29KB , 600x500 , 031.png )

You shit your pants.

>>70838
get out of there
just
get back to your room and change
no one must ever know of this

>>70839
Dump the shit out onto the bed, then back to our room for shower and to get changed.

Make sure we abscond with all his spare pants.

Leave your shit filled pants on his bed, inside out.

Man, it's a good thing our shit smells like roses, then, huh?

Steal all his pants and stuff and head back to our room. The shit may not smell bad, but it's extra weight we don't need for the race.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)18:54 No. 71049 ID: eda57e
File 125704048976.png - (10.53KB , 600x500 , 032.png )

You decide that the best course of action involves the least touching of shit as possible. You grab the two pairs of pants and shuffle towards your room.

But don't be fooled, despite your best clenching, the laxative's effects have not subsided yet.

Let us quickly away to clean ourselves.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)21:34 No. 71114 ID: eda57e
File 125705006759.png - (10.77KB , 600x500 , 033.png )

As you head back to your room, you noticed a maid at the end of the hallway. They appear to be tending to some flower pot related mess. Good for him or her.

>>71114
Retreat to your room and the comfort of the toilet post-haste.

oh god hurry it's seeping through

Leave your shitbritches in the hall for the maid, so you don't have to deal with them.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)22:06 No. 71128 ID: eda57e
File 12570520116.png - (6.56KB , 600x500 , 034.png )

Clenching with all your might, you remove your underwear and pants and, making sure the maid in not looking, throw the SOILED GARMENTS down infront of the rooms down the hall from the safety of your own door.

we can try sitting in the sink and splashing handfuls of water into our butthole desperately

Now you are in the most desperate race of all, the one to beat the Brown Devil.

>>71128
Please tell me you removed your wallet and ID first!

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)22:35 No. 71144 ID: eda57e
File 125705372758.png - (11.20KB , 600x500 , 035.png )

>>71136
First things first, man!

Scholars, monks and the like have spent centries searching for it, but you believe you've found nirvana. Spiritual enlightenment. It feels good, man.

Nothing could bring you down.

>>71141
Uh.
Let's not think about that right now.

>>71144
Nothing except a LACK OF TOILET PAPER. DID YOU CHECK BEFORE YOU SAT DOWN?!

>>71145
OH JESUS if it's not one thing it is another.
FFFFFFFFFFFFF-

The sink is always an option. Then just dry it on a hotel towel.

OK, don't panic. when you're sure it's over with. carefully delaminate the layers of cardboard and you can get a good three or four wipes out of it. I recommend a shower afterwards, to make sure.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)23:04 No. 71159 ID: eda57e
File 125705546673.png - (14.90KB , 600x500 , 036.png )

Your feeling are expressed thus.

The laxative's effects subside.

>>71159
Check under the sink.

>>71159

>>71153 has a good idea, take a shower to wash all the shit off. WAIT HOW LONG IS IT UNTIL THE RACE

Check for drops.

run outside, grab wallet and ID if missing, take shower if time, put on new clothes, go to race

>>71159
Wrap yourself in a towel. Go get your pants. Worry about cleaning after that.

>>71164
yeah wrap yourself in a towel before running into the hallway

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)23:22 No. 71167 ID: eda57e
File 125705657676.png - (18.58KB , 600x500 , 037.png )

You shower the shit away.
Or at least you TRY TO. IF ONLY THIS WATER WASN'T SO LOW FLOW. I'M TELLING YOU MAN THERE IS SO LITTLE PRESSURE ON THIS WATER IT'S LIKE IF SOMEONE SAID HEY WATER DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT REPORT YOU CAN HAND IT IN ON MONDAY AND THE WATER WAS ALL COOL I'LL JUST BE A USELESS PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES

THAT'S WHAT IT'S LIKE

Try the sink. The sink might work better.

>>71167
Well at least you have soap.

Finish up, dry off and get thine spare bottom clothes on! Retrieve personal affects from soiled clothing in the hall.

CF 2009/10/31(Sat)23:43 No. 71172 ID: eda57e
File 125705780493.png - (6.60KB , 600x500 , 038.png )

You are clean, but you'll have to speak up - you're wearing a towel.

You can get dressed or try and get the wallet back now. There's only a minute between the instances.
DECIDEEE

>>71172
we better get it back as soon as possible

>>71172
Get that wallet back!

>>71172
Get wallet back.

Get that wallet back.

>>71172
GET TO DA WALLET!

hug note, read tom

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)17:11 No. 73258 ID: eda57e
File 125755631472.png - (17.22KB , 600x1000 , hug note read tom.png )

>>71191
You give the note a well deserved hug. Come here, you!

Upon reading Tom closely, you find he appears a bit nervous. He must be a big fan or something.

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)17:12 No. 73259 ID: eda57e
File 125755633685.png - (16.44KB , 600x500 , 039.png )

>>71173
>>71174
>>71176
>>71178
>>71189
Alright, let's DO THIS.
You bust out of the room LIKE A WINNER. FUCK YEAH!

You make a careful point to leave the door wide open. You've seen more than enough sitcoms that take place in hotels to avoid the old "locked out of the hotel room naked" trope.

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)17:12 No. 73260 ID: eda57e
File 125755634922.png - (4.86KB , 600x500 , 040.png )

Down the hall you see your shitty pants. They're still there, despite the good... half hour or so you spent shitting and showering.
There's only one foreseeable obstactle between you and any link to the pants --

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)17:12 No. 73261 ID: eda57e
File 125755636627.png - (13.41KB , 600x500 , 041.png )

-- that rather large maid who just came out of Gary's room. She notices you and grunts.
><i>"Maid life not easy. People make mess of flowers, people make mess of room, people leave soiled pants in hallways. Sometimes I can't believe people.
...
Hey, why you only wearing towel? Did you open wrong door?"</i>

You better think about how you're going to get around this situation.

Use Tom on Maid, get pants.

>>73261
dear god man... I can only think of one solution... and you won't like it.

Seduce her with your manliness.

>>73261
Oh, this is easy. Being the gentleman you are, offer to take care of those obnoxious shit-pants for her, to make her life easier.

>>73317
This right here, best idea

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)20:40 No. 73376 ID: eda57e
File 125756881579.png - (9.77KB , 600x500 , 042.png )

Seducing her sounds like a nice idea, after all you've never had sex with an ogre maid before. But your reputation is more important.
>"I am just preparing for the race. This is how I prepare."
>"I thought you look familiar. You are on some posters around here. You want me clean your room now?"
>"Sure. And being the fantastic gentlemen that I am, the best on this planet, nay, the universe, I will dispose of that foul mess over there."
>"Thank you, small man."

>>73376
Only one way to dispose of it quickly enough.

Eat it.

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)20:54 No. 73386 ID: eda57e
File 125756968111.png - (9.28KB , 600x500 , 043.png )

>>73379
That's a really bad suggestion!!

>>73386
It is. Just get the mess and take it to your room. Obtain wallet and... I dunno. Do you have spare pants?

Just get that mess to your room for now. Hero.

>>73376
Retrieve your stuff from the pants (and hope it isn't soiled)
Dispose of pants in Gary's room.

see how powerful the toilet is...

>>73389
This is clearly the best solution.

>>73389
Thirding this.

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)22:39 No. 73426 ID: eda57e
File 125757598416.png - (9.21KB , 600x500 , 044.png )

>>73388
>>73389
Well first, you retrieve the wallet and 5 laxatives. They are not damaged, but they do smell faintly. That'll probably go away over time.

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)22:43 No. 73427 ID: eda57e
File 125757618998.png - (8.58KB , 600x500 , 045.png )

>>73389
>>73400
>>73409
In your attempt to throw the SHITTY PANTS into Gary's room, you find the door is closed and locked. Since the maid had just finished with it, you can understand. She'd probably not appreciate the mess anyway.

How will you deal with these soiled pants?

>>73427
THROW THEM OUT THE WINDOW.

Only rational explanation.

Alternatively, see if there's a large enough crack under the door to fit them in.

>>73429
Yes, throw them out the window.

Find Gary or his room and dispose of pants there. He will appreciate your gesture of friendship.

>>73427
Tell the maid you recognize these pants as belonging to Gary and ask her to return them to his room for him.

Wash them?

CF 2009/11/06(Fri)23:11 No. 73439 ID: eda57e
File 125757786229.png - (7.10KB , 600x500 , 046.png )

>>73430
>>73429
You head down the hallway to check for windows, since your room is currently occupied with a maid.
The windows here are not openable, however. They're strictly for viewing.

>>73439
Uh, maybe we should just find a trash ca-

Put it in the elevator and push all the buttons! Go back to your room and get dressed right in front of the maid!

>>73439
Enter elevator, go to lobby, go up to the first trashcan available and dump them inside.
If anyone sees you, just take confidence in the fact that most people would pay to see your manly naked pecs.

>>73439
Alright I'll suggest a sensible solution. Go back to the maid's cart and get a large garbage bag. Put the shitpants in it, then set it down somewhere while you get dressed. Then ask the maid where you should go to throw it away.

>>73467
No. this suggestion is FAR too reasonable for the types of behaviors we've been engaged in so far.

Garbage can suggestion is superior, also, no need to get dressed, are we not a MAN?

CF 2009/11/14(Sat)04:50 No. 76407 ID: 7aa967
File 125820304180.png - (8.13KB , 600x500 , 047.png )

>>73426
(totally forgot to mention it, but the laxatives are in the wallet, the wallet in your helmet)

You decide the sooner you're away from shitpants, the better. As soon as the first elevator arrives, you press ALL OF THE BUTTONS and ditch the undesired garments into the small one-dimensional-plane-traversing cubical.

So long, shit pants!


now wat

>>76407
Go hit up that maid now the pants are gone.

>>76407
Press yourself up against the earlier window and make erotic faces while screaming.
Scream as loud as you fucking can.
Do this until the maid finishes up with your room, then go in and change.

>>76407
Pose in front of the nearest available reflective surface and admire your own beauty.

Suggestion 2009/11/19(Thu)17:07 No. 79422 ID: 7aa967
File 125867922445.png - (18.46KB , 600x500 , 048.png )

>>76411
This seems like the only reasonable option.

>>79422
Stop that this instant. Get back to your room so you can get some clothes on already. What time is it, anyway? How long until you need to get to the racetrack?

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)17:44 No. 79463 ID: 7aa967
File 125868145229.png - (19.94KB , 600x500 , 049.png )

It is time to get back to your room and seduce the maid, you decide.

>"Hey baby, anyone tell you you have beautiful... uh..."

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)17:45 No. 79465 ID: 7aa967
File 125868150867.png - (103.81KB , 600x500 , 050.png )

>"Uh... hmm."

>>79465
...rooms here?

>>79463
Horns. She has beautiful horns.

>>79466
Rooms. She's a hard worker and it reflects well on the hotel.

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)17:54 No. 79474 ID: 7aa967
File 125868204933.png - (7.74KB , 600x500 , 051.png )

>"Uh, very beautfiul rooms. Yeah, you do a bang up job in this place, toots. Uh, yeah."

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)17:54 No. 79476 ID: 7aa967
File 125868208975.png - (106.95KB , 600x500 , 052.png )

She blushes.

At least, you think that's what she's doing.

"So, uh, when do you get off shift?"

>>79484
Oh god no. No.

We need to deal with important stuff. Like Winning.

>>79488
Is winning worth every sacrifice? What is a victory if you can never "smell the roses"?

>>79494
It's a goddamn victory, that's what. WE MUST BE #1 AT ALL COSTS.

Um, perhaps we should just get some clothes and dress in the bathroom.

That is not a victory.

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)20:52 No. 79600 ID: 7aa967
File 125869275791.png - (11.95KB , 600x500 , 053.png )

>"Thank you, small man. I have put away clothes in closet."
>"Yeah, thanks.
>So, uh, when do you get off work?"
>"My shift end in just over an hour. Perhaps I will go watch big race?"
An hour, ey? That means there's still time for drinks.
>"Do not worry about soiled pants, I am sure cameras will find who did that. Good day, and good luck at race!"
>"Uhh, thanks."

She leaves with her maid card, down the hall.


...


Wait, what?

>>79600
Freak out a bit.

Then get dressed.

>>79600
WE MUST DESTROY THE EVIDENCE.

Find out who's responsible for these 'cameras'.

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)22:20 No. 79635 ID: 7aa967
File 125869802212.png - (7.98KB , 600x500 , 054.png )

Indeed, but first a return to form.

THE WINNER IS BACK. Back is not quite the word, since it implies he left in the first place. But you're here and you're ready to roll.


Gary's pants are quite tight.

>>79635
...um

You didn't bring any spare pants?

>>79635
Good, that means your crotch bulge is better displayed.

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)22:32 No. 79641 ID: 7aa967
File 125869873923.png - (8.56KB , 600x500 , 055.png )

>>79636
What a ridiculous thing to assume!

>>79641
Dude, EVERYONE has spare pants. Even if they are exactly like your regular pants. :(

CF 2009/11/19(Thu)22:42 No. 79644 ID: 7aa967
File 125869936538.png - (9.01KB , 600x500 , 056.png )

You put on one of your SIXTY THREE SPARE JACKETS, using it as a makeshift PAIR OF PANTS.

You make sure that all hotels you stay at have SPARE JACKETS in case you accidentally get shit on the one you're wearing.
Fortunately, this has never happened.

>>79644
this is the most win thing i have ever seen

Ok, we have an hour to find where the security room is, find the tapes of the cameras and destroy them. Your reputation is at stake.

I guess the lobby is a good place to start looking.

CF 2009/11/20(Fri)04:46 No. 79746 ID: 7aa967
File 125872116898.png - (8.75KB , 600x500 , 057.png )

You enter the elevator, the one on the opposite side of the hall from where the shitpants escalator is. You know best to stay the hell away from that one.

Go down to the lobby and ask. I'm sure your sexy, sexy fame will easilly get you the info you need

>>79749
Oh Osaka, your perception of reality never ceases to amaze.

>>79746
Lets head to the lobby, unless there is a basement. If the basement is not supposed to be readily available to the public, go there instead. Because you are a WINNER, and winners can do things like that.

CF 2009/11/20(Fri)18:24 No. 79882 ID: a69705
File 125877027936.png - (8.28KB , 600x500 , 058.png )

>>79771
You take the elevator to the ground floor, which is the lobby. But...
That isn't good enough, is it?
You want to go to a basement you're not necessarily sure exists, don't you?
YOU'RE A WINNER, AREN'T YOU?!

>>79882
Look around for a third elevator, or stairs.

>>79882

GO TO THE BASEMENT AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

Punch through the floor of the elevator. its the only way to be sure!

>>79882
1. Use a marker to draw an extra button on the elevator's control panel
2. Write a "B" in the drawn button
3. PUSH THAT FUCKING BUTTON

CF 2009/11/20(Fri)20:23 No. 80007 ID: a69705
File 125877739316.png - (54.62KB , 600x500 , 059.png )

>>79953
YOU WANNA GET DOWN

CF 2009/11/20(Fri)20:24 No. 80010 ID: a69705
File 125877744581.jpg - (269.52KB , 600x500 , 060.jpg )

>>80007
YOU GOTTA MAKE YOUR OWN WAY DOWN

>>80010

Explore the room in a hardcore way.

Go to the lobby and complain that they have shitty elevators/escalators.

ROCK ON, COMMANDER NOTFALCON.

>>80010
SHOW THAT GODDAMN BASEMENT WHO'S BOSS
FUCK SUBTERRANEAN ALCOVES AND THEIR WICKED WAYS

Fuck yes! Strike the earth!

Suggestion 2009/11/20(Fri)23:34 No. 80226 ID: a69705
File 125878885955.png - (2.98KB , 600x500 , 061.png )

...

CF 2009/11/20(Fri)23:35 No. 80227 ID: a69705
File 125878893632.jpg - (143.27KB , 600x500 , 062.jpg )

...

CF 2009/11/20(Fri)23:37 No. 80229 ID: a69705
File 125878902260.jpg - (210.33KB , 600x500 , 063.jpg )

...the smoke and dust settle.

>>80229
Gee I wonder who's going to pay for repairs?

Investigate the area. Where the heck are we? What's in the crates?

>>80229
... do you usually do this stuff?

Look around. Lets hope some people were there to witness our awesome.

If you miss the race 'cause you dicked around too much... Do you have a watch?

CF 2009/11/21(Sat)00:01 No. 80253 ID: a69705
File 125879047552.jpg - (184.98KB , 600x500 , 064.jpg )

>>80230
Well first, what is in these crates?
Why, brochures!
Hundreds and thousands of brochures for the hotel!

>>80253
Fuck yeah, grab a couple, see what services you might not know about. But remember your mission: DESTROY THE TAPES.

CF 2009/11/21(Sat)00:30 No. 80279 ID: a69705
File 12587922359.jpg - (174.91KB , 600x500 , 065.jpg )

The brochures don't tell you much, but you grab a couple anyway. Using your previously unmentioned until now powers of BIRDSEYE VISION you can render the entire room into one mental image.

>>80279
A door? Move your manly frame through it!

what's that door there?

CF 2009/11/21(Sat)00:38 No. 80283 ID: a69705
File 125879269261.png - (13.49KB , 600x500 , 066.png )

It would appear to be an incredibly thick door, not unlike one you'd find on a bank safe or vault.
There is no obvious way to open it from this side.

>>80283
Push the circle in the middle.

CF 2009/11/21(Sat)00:49 No. 80292 ID: a69705
File 125879337382.png - (10.58KB , 600x500 , 067.png )

>>80285
That's not a button at all!

To overcome this door, you may have to think with your head.


You know, as opposed to thinking with... uh.
I got nothin'.

>>80292
>think with your head

headbutt that shit.

Turn that circle. Or push the circle.

Manipulate the circle in some meaningful fashion!

Look, who are you kidding? there's only one way into that shit.

Eagle Thrust.

>>80292
Try to push all the straight bits away from the circular bits.

Why would they lock brochures behind a vault door...?

Check underneath brochures for illegal goods/money.

>>80292
> think with your head.
HEADBUTT THE DOOR AS HARD AS YOU CAN

>>80292
Might be where the hotel stores anything the customers want stord safely. We must loot that shit.

CF 2009/11/22(Sun)02:33 No. 80734 ID: a69705
File 070.swf - (121.53KB , 600x500 )

You summon all of your power for a full frontal assault on the vault door.
[super special Flash!]

>>80734
Why are we bashing the SOLID DOOR anyway? Blast through the walls next to it, they are surely less reinforced than the vault door and likely lead to exactly the same room.

>>80734
Tug on the straight things. Rotate the round things!

>>80734
We must use a more powerful WEPON, crotch-thrust the door.

Make a fort out of the crates.

>make fort out of crates
This.

Be painfully aware of the time. WE CANNOT BE LATE. ONLY LOSERS ARE LATE.

CF 2009/12/05(Sat)00:35 No. 86126 ID: bc2956
File 12600021329.gif - (687.27KB , 600x500 , 071.gif )

You hear some creaking.

>>86126
Investigate the environment you just broke into... out...

Investigate this new environment.

>>86126
Use crates and door to make a fort.

>>86126
Demand some goddamn answers.

CF 2009/12/06(Sun)00:33 No. 86622 ID: bc2956
File 126008839577.png - (28.00KB , 600x500 , 072.png )

>>86238
>>86127
From the view from your steadfast castle, you detect this is some sort of security room. Conveniently empty - they must be well who cares they're not here so yeah.

>>86622
Oh excellent. Find the footage containing you and your shitty pants, and destroy it!

>>86623
This, but also spy on some people - especially that little wiener Gary.

God I hate him so much...

Use your imagination and turn your incredible fort into a powerful dream car and win the race.

CF 2009/12/08(Tue)04:15 No. 88178 ID: bc2956
File 126027449936.gif - (9.00KB , 600x500 , 073.gif )

>>86623
>>86624
Were it so easy.

You fucking play extreme solitaire right now.

You must win at Extreme Solitaire!

CF 2009/12/08(Tue)04:56 No. 88182 ID: bc2956
File 126027701441.gif - (25.28KB , 600x500 , 074.gif )

>>88179
>>88180
You boot up Extreme Solitare.
Four of your cards are on fire.

>>88182
Seven on burning eight, burning six on extinguished eight and seven, burning five on blazing eight seven and six.

Mess around with the OS until you stumble across video files with dates (which aren't porn).

Click Smiley to turn on Hypermode.

>>88178
Get back to the command line interface after your fun and type...

>Format C

If it gives a prompt subsequent, tell it to go ahead.

Boot up that eye thing

CF 2009/12/08(Tue)18:30 No. 88658 ID: bc2956
File 126032582230.gif - (26.79KB , 600x500 , 075.gif )

>>88187
That's the deck!
>>88213
That would appear to be the program running in the background.
>>88186
It would appear this interface was specifically designed for hotel security, with some games to alleviate boredom.
>>88184
You put the 6 on the 7, but the other cards refuse to work. They must be of different suits, though it's hard to tell - Extreme Solitare™ omits the suits for CHALLENGE POTENTIAL™. Part of its charm!

An additonal four of your cards are on fire. The first four are burning.

>>88658
Put the 10 on the J.

>>88658
If you can open up that text file there in another window, see what's in it.

Suggestion 2010/01/12(Tue)22:33 No. 110021 ID: e45568
File 126336438356.png - (9.88KB , 512x512 , finish the race.png )

Soon!?

animated CF 2010/01/16(Sat)19:18 No. 112054 ID: e45568
File 126369830616.gif - (111.96KB , 600x500 , 076.gif )

Man, fuck this game.

Wait, the Windows Hotel Monitor 95 has a WHM95.exe inside it? That's suspiciously recursive.

Click on it anyway.

>>112055
red teeeeext

>animated

Or just punch all the hard drives.

Looks like we WIN, now doesn't it?

Suggestion 2010/01/17(Sun)04:32 No. 112940 ID: e45568
File 126373152260.png - (19.25KB , 600x500 , 077.png )

>>112242
Yes! You do win, because you're A WINNER and that's what WINNERS do. They WIN.
Now, you should probably make your way out of this place before the security return. You'll want to do it as inconspicuously as possible.

>>112940
Go open that IN CASE OF FIRE cabinet behind you, because you are ON fire, you winner you.

CF 2010/01/17(Sun)05:09 No. 112944 ID: e45568
File 126373375093.png - (12.88KB , 600x500 , 078.png )

>>112943
That's the sort of logic you like.
Inside the cabinet you find an AXE, a FIRE HELMET, a FIRE EXTINGUISHER and NOVELTY GLASSES.

>>112944
Store the NOVELTY GLASSES in your pocket, wear the FIRE HELMET on top of your KICKASS RACING HELMET, and use the FIRE AXE to open the FIRE EXTINGUISHER. There is no possible way this plan will not either A) Be full of WINNING or B) Do something AWESOME.

Or we could just don the Novelty Glasses. It's a perfect disguise, after all.

>>112944
Put on the glasses, wear the fire helmet on your crotch-bulge, stab the terminal with the extinguisher, get into fortress, and throw axe at extinguisher.

Take the axe, the extinguisher, and the glasses. we have already got the best helmet ever

Suggestion 2010/01/17(Sun)18:40 No. 113534 ID: e45568
File 126378241491.png - (9.96KB , 600x500 , 079.png )

>>112948
You don the helmet.

CF 2010/01/17(Sun)18:41 No. 113535 ID: e45568
File 126378246936.png - (8.60KB , 600x500 , 080.png )

>>112977
>>112997
You don the glasses. Lookin' goooood! Not AS good as you usually do, but you know you can't improve PERFECTION.

CF 2010/01/17(Sun)18:41 No. 113537 ID: e45568
File 126378251444.png - (10.59KB , 600x500 , 081.png )

>>113006
With Axe and Extinguisher in tow, you're ready to leave this dungeon. So long, fort!

Kick that door in and burst through in an ACTION POSE

CF 2010/01/18(Mon)00:08 No. 113826 ID: e45568
File 126380208959.png - (12.85KB , 600x500 , 082.png )

>>113541
AWW YEAH
THE AXEMAN COMETH
YOU WANNA AXE ME A QUEST--

CF 2010/01/18(Mon)00:09 No. 113828 ID: e45568
File 126380215535.png - (14.16KB , 600x500 , 083.png )

--ion?
Outside of the room a crowd of hotel goers and some staff appear to have gathered, probably drawn by that whole explosion nonsense.

BEST THINK FAST

DANCE A SOFTSHOE!
Use the axe as a cane.

Yell "NINJA VANISH!" and chop the fire extinguisher open with your axe.

>>113845
Also run away quickly while the crowd is blinded.

>>113828
Tell them you're here because you heard there was a fire.
Pause dramatically.
Say, "Or maybe it's just me."

Then rip off your shirt, find the nearest girl in the crowd, and begin giving her a lap dance while supplying your own techno music with your mouth.

UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ

>>113845

This is the only reasonable course of action.

It's not like they can recognize you anyway.

>>113928
This is the only reasonable course of action. It simly cannot fail, because failure is for losers and you're a winner!

Run through that crowd, straight through them

Seeing this thread in the active list made this the best day of my life.

Shame them with your clearly more impressive musculature. Then hose them with the fire extinguisher.

Scream like a girl and run onward.

MOVE ASIDE, MORTALS

CF 2011/10/06(Thu)03:53 No. 356305 ID: c8775c
File 131789838574.png - (12.24KB , 600x500 , 080.png )

You decide the easiest way out of this situation is to SPRAY AND RUN GO GO GO

EAT IT LOSERS

In your haste, you forget whatever it is you're doing down here.

>>356305
You were busting out of a vault or something. But man, the race! We have to get there and make sure it hasn't started yet.

Consume some of the extinguishing agent.

if you can't remember it, it wasn't important. use the extinguisher like a skateboard and ponder what kind of diet you've taken to reduce in size so considerably in the last minute.

>>356323

The Special Jim Davis Diet Programme¡