>>674042
We're meant to end stories prematurely. Joe is bad at choosing names. We're in a weird featureless plane.

>>674048
I see at least two features.

>Rasend µ
Nope, still too long. Nicknames should be limited to 1.5~ syllables. I'm afraid you're Joe now.

So... translucent lightning? Two-passenger sandship? What's up with these things? Also, what's the story we're meant to be ending here?

So, looks like we're calling you Joe, if that's acceptable. Are you male? Does your species have genders?

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/01(Thu)14:37 No. 674195 ID: 763a04
File 144373547882.jpg - (288.17KB , 1024x768 , 20151001_4.jpg )

>>674109
>>674108
Might it at least be Joe µ? The value of having another take the blame for ones actions cannot be understated, and The Red Crown, a transdimensional group, utilize it as one of their religious signs of office.


>>674039
>>674109
Oh come now! Dont be so smugly critical! You must demonstrate more extraodinary critical thinking! You were chosen because it is an exceptional attribute of your species!

It would be certainly strange for a transdimensional being to need to explain to a genetic being that gender is created genetically and exists primarily to increase the genetic diversity of an offspring, as well as create specialist genetic subtypes (caregiving and hunting in this case)


And while just about anything one does will in fact create stories, they will have much less influence then the stories to be ended, resulting in an energy differential. Likewise, the less energy this group exerts, the smaller will be its influence in the existing stories, logically making it harder to detect and locate.

As was stated, stealth is necessary to minimize the amount of influence one has when ending a story to mitigate the number and size of the stories ones presence would create.


As for grammar, research on the issue indicated that a diverse vocabulary was a sign of intelligence, and that this was desirable among your species. The explanatory power was even boosted with equations, metaphors and examples!


Fear not, however! Trust in the skills and cunning of your existentially superior employer, whose boundless knowledge and expertise innate to its species itself shall expedite any difficulty! Nothing is beyond the infinite power of this noble perfect being! Any solutions shall be explored by an eye that misses nothing! Any advantage exacerbated by skills beyond comprehension! Any threat exploded by forces never before gracing their dimension! Every resource extracted by the predator of causality itself! Any strangeness explained by an all comprehending mind educated beyond anything you have ever known!

...

WHY CANT THE TERRAIN BE PALPATED? ITS RIGHT THERE! HOW CAN THE SUPPLIES BE OBTAINED IF THE GROUND CANT BE NAVIGATED?! WHAT SORT OF DIMENSION IS TH-

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/01(Thu)14:39 No. 674196 ID: 763a04
File 144373558615.jpg - (266.58KB , 1024x768 , 20151001_3.jpg )

oh.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/01(Thu)14:42 No. 674198 ID: 763a04
File 144373577034.jpg - (266.58KB , 1024x768 , 20151001_3.jpg )

oh thats the sky

>>674198
Not impressing us much at the moment. Although, to be fair, we couldn't tell either...
So you immune to gravity or some such?

Speaking of confusing imagery, that "snake" is actually your... hair or something, isn't it, mu?

So Joe. You never answered the most important question: what sorry are we meant to be ending, here? Or do you not know?

So Joemu, what story are we meant to be ending here? I don't see a whole lot going on.

A diverse vocabulary is best used sparingly and in situations where it would enhance, rather than obfuscate, meaning.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/01(Thu)18:59 No. 674236 ID: 763a04
File 144375119506.jpg - (280.76KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_36.jpg )

Let no being that exists speak of these events ever again!

>>674202
>>674214
There are no stories around here. None except that of the sand and sky and planet, all stories far outside of the scope of a normal Obliviator's formidable powers to influence. These are, you see, the twin POINTS of this first terminus. Its seperation to avoid discovery by others then intended owners...and the reduction of this inability to expire the more imputable of destinies.

Contrasting this empty great dead expanse, the grand universe is sufficently massive that one may meet many in their life, each with their own wide variety of stories. Some of those stories are, naturally, tragedies. And tragedies breed debts. And debts, as you can clearly see before you, oft birth payment. And here it is, exactly where she said it would be.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/01(Thu)19:22 No. 674241 ID: 763a04
File 144375255350.jpg - (294.88KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_37.jpg )

Of course, you must avert your eyes while the package is extracted. While it was agreed that many secrets of the trade and predatory strategy would be explained over the course of this mutual experience, there are some things too reliant on secrecy in order to succeed in this line of work to divulge. They certainly have nothing to do with the red sun that was viewable in the beginning and currently. Absolutely not. Dont even know what snakes are, frankly.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/01(Thu)19:32 No. 674242 ID: 763a04
File 144375312340.jpg - (194.36KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_38.jpg )

~XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX~~~♫

A full San! It was not expected that she would be able to collect an entire set of ten implements. Ten of the wide variety of puissant tools acquired from countless realities with abilities capable of disjointing causality itself, forbidden before the very birth of your universe to any, to ANY, despised and excommunicated even among such defectless beings as Obliviators! But desperate places (times to you) call for atrocities to the fabric of reality, as the saying shall soon go. The impact capable of being inflicted upon a story with these may very well ensure mutual survival and an actual chance to outlast the prophesied Winter of Souls! A FULL TEN! ~xxxxxxxxxxxxx~ She is almost certainly dead after achieving THIS. A debt well exhausted, then. Well paid indeed!

>>674236
>Its seperation to avoid discovery by others then intended owners...and the reduction of this inability to expire the more imputable of destinies.
Nope, try again. 1, there is no verb in this sentence; 2, pretty sure you meant "than"; 3, also pretty sure you meant "immutable".
I'm afraid I have to revoke your sesquipedalia license.
Seriously though. Just stop.

>>674242
Okay, I have no idea what any of those things are but if you say they're capable of destroying universes, I guess you would know.

What exactly is a soul winter, anyway? And uh, just because this is how prophecies usually go, is there any chance you might cause it by using these tools? Any at all? Cause seriously, prophecies, every damn time.

>>674242
Actually wait. That one looks like a pencil sharpener. ... are you sure you aren't being played?

>>674246
It's kinda cute how he tries so hard to sound smart, almost cuter than it is annoying, ALMOST.

I don't think Joe cares much about prophecies, considering his occupation.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/02(Fri)12:39 No. 674416 ID: 763a04
File 144381476492.jpg - (14.22KB , 100x100 , 20151002_2.jpg )

>>674355
>>674246
Prophecies WITHIN a dimension are of little matter. These are simply stories to be consumed, and when one gets down to it, a story is merely a prophecy unknown, just an effect of the determinism that guides the fate of all beings within that universe. That some old hag in a temple in universe #1323135 or where-ever figured out that a metaphorical stone rolling down a hill would reach the bottom the ten thousandth time it happened isnt of any real consequence, any more then a statistician and a scientist correctly predicting the outcome of a war.

Scientific prophecy from those OUTSIDE of any singular dimension have consequence beyond expression.

The Winter of Souls is an event predicted upon the discovery that The God-Burning Engine exists to varying degrees across all dimensi thus discovered.

The prophecy issued, exactly 2.7repeating hours after this exploration, by The Pure-Brass Manthanein to The 2nd Council of Al Naz, was thusly, dreadfully, inevitably:

dS ≥ 0

As a predator of destiny, this will not be our epitaph, no matter what the consequences.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/02(Fri)14:47 No. 674449 ID: 763a04
File 144382246919.jpg - (325.23KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_39.jpg )

But in far more delightful tones, its time to unwrap the gift and examine its contents!

~xxxxx~ The EXCITEMENT!

No particular items were requested (its difficult enough to locate and acquire any, let alone a full San, nine-and-one, without expecting specific items) so the contents of this briefcase are in fact a mystery to all living persons. Its a sort of surprise birthday pas-PRESENT at the sunrise of a new relationship!

TO THE SUCCESS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AND TO ALL OF THE HOPEFULLY MANY NOT YET ENCOUNTERED, to be guided and saved and ended from their meager existences chosen by the fates!

(present was the word that was stated and dont you say otherwise)

>>674416
> The God-Burning Engine
Sounds interesting, what's that?

>dimensi
Sounds cool but that's not how you pluralize dimension. That'd be the plural of "dimensus" I guess. Which isn't a thing.

> event predicated on the discovery...
Oh, so it's less a prophecy and more a scientific prediction of high consequence. Okay, that's different.

> The Pure-Brass Manthanein
Sounds interesting. But not really relevant.

>dS ≥ 0
What's S? "Story"? If so, what's the problem? Wouldn't that just mean more stories are made faster than you can eat them; surely that's a good thing?

Also, I notice you didn't actually answer any of my questions.

>>674454
dS>0 into google brings up the 2nd law of thermodynamics. If that's what he's going for, then "God-Burning Engine" and "Winter of Souls" probably are just fancy words for entropy.

Joey, these "San" gizmos don't exactly look impressive. Are They magic? Is Magic a thing in your universe? What do they do and why is it so important to have 10 of them?

>>674515
you mean multiverse

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/03(Sat)13:24 No. 674651 ID: 763a04
File 144390387492.jpg - (325.96KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_40.jpg )

>>674517
>>674515
Apeiroverse, in fact. Multiverse is merely the term form any space encompassing multiple Universes or Dimensions, and carries with it the implication of a set, unchanging number of Dimensions. Likewise, the other commonly used term, Omniverse, is simply too broad, and does not account for the fact that many dimensions CANNOT access each other for a nearly infinite variety of reasons, from Island Dimensions to Deity Interference to Incompatible dimensional barriers (just as there is more then one type of atom, there is more then one TYPE and REASON one dimension is seperate from another.)

As for the question of magic...due to the nature of transdimensionalism, many different systems of carrying out work exist, and are manipulated by sentients. To one, another's science would BE magic, coming from a reality with different rules of logic. Beyond this there are also two other catagories of carrying out work, those that have no rules or governing logic, and those that are simply directly bringing an abstracted version of reality into being without there being any cause or effect involved. EITHER of these could also be called magic.

This is important because the anti-fate implements comprising a San, due to their nature of being drawn from disparate sources, have no unified methods for working. Some obey consistent rules, others are affected by the different laws of the dimension they occupy, and some altogether JUST WORK.

One thing they all have in common is a unique quantity of Destiny potential energy: that of both 0 and ∞. Due to this, a large number of these implements together can be easily detected, and causes additional problems, sometimes creating a sort of axis mundi, drawing in the destinies of things nearby, which makes stealth difficult, to say the least. The case they are carried in helps reduce these effects but even when used, the most that can be kept in one location is 10.

The maximum number of any of a single category of tool that can be used together without there being negative consequences is called a San of those implements.

Now then, its likely that you are quite jumpy to actually begin working, but first an unwrapping and review of equipment for future reference and that can be looked back on for later use.

For example...

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/03(Sat)13:40 No. 674657 ID: 763a04
File 144390484245.jpg - (325.96KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_40.jpg )

THIS, arguably the most ornate and immediately recognizable to those educated in the history of such items, is a

SYTRINGING SPHERE

a sentient device built by extremely horrible beings to address the least understood and most complicated aspect of a chain of causality: The Sentient Mind

The sphere itself is sentient, and capable of thought. It is capable of GENERATING ANY COMPLEX IDEA AND INJECTING IT COVERTLY INTO ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL SUCH THAT THEY WOULD THINK THAT THE THOUGHT WAS THEIR OWN.

It can also SELECTIVELY REMOVE SINGULAR THOUGHTS OR INDIVIDUAL MEMORIES THROUGH SIMILAR PROCESSES.

Due to its relatively simple design, it works IN ANY DIMENSION WITH NORMAL LAWS OF TIME ON ANY CREATURE THAT USES ELECTRICITY OR LIQUIDS IN THE PROCESSES OF THINKING.

However, BEINGS THAT WOULD NOT ACT ON A PARTICULAR THOUGHT WILL IN MOST CASES NOT DO SO.
Only MEMORY SEQUENCES AND IDEAS OF ABOUT 10 SECONDS LONG CAN BE REMOVED

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/03(Sat)14:02 No. 674661 ID: 763a04
File 144390613543.jpg - (330.09KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_42.jpg )

This strange hearing and optical device bearing the sigil of what was assumed by its discoverers to be some form of death cult is

THE SIGIL

it is a device, if memory serves, a potent supercomputer banned under the Destiny Preserverance Acts

It is capable of reading the elements involved in a chain of causality to interpret the causes and effects involved in order to EFFECTIVELY DETERMINE THE CHAIN OF CONSEQUENCES OF A SERIES OF ACTIONS UP TO 10 MINUTES AFTER THEY OCCUR.

The device is also A POTENT MORTALITY CLOCK FOR BOTH IDEAS AND LIVING THINGS. It is capable of estimating with an accuracy of ~1000 years for ideas and ~100 years for sentients the length of time they have left before vanishing. THIS ASPECT WILL BE USED TO EVALUATE THE LIFESPANS OF THE VARIOUS ELEMENTS OF A STORY AND TO THEN CALCULATE THE AMOUNT OF DESTINY ENERGY THAT CAN BE OBTAINED.

AS A DEVICE UTILIZING LIGHT AND SOUND IT REQUIRES A DIMENSION WHERE THESE EXIST, BUT HAS NO OTHER WEAKNESSES PROVIDED IT HAS SUFFICENT INFORMATION TO PERFORM A CALCULATION.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/03(Sat)14:20 No. 674662 ID: 763a04
File 144390721876.jpg - (326.46KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_41.jpg )

THIRD is this ummm, this...? WHAT IS THIS??!

Wait a second...
It does not appear to have permanent proportions or shape, much like yours truly, indicating that it exists outside of the boundaries of spacetime. Likewise, it seems to resemble some form of drill. Which means...!
~xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx~!

THE SYNTYCHE!

This device can SPEED UP WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS FOR WHAT IT IS APPLIED TO, WITHOUT RELYING ON THE CAUSAL FACTORS.

Thats a little complicated, so heres an example:
Say you were to go to a soccer field before a game, and had the ball they were going to play with. By applying the Syntyche, the ball would behave as if the players were there playing the game (provided the outcome had not been interfered with by someone from outside of destiny).

There are MANY MANY USES for this kind of device. One could use it to learn what moves will be played in the game, or if the game is interuppted. One could use it to change the position of the ball when the players find it, effectively changing the outcome. One could set up a humorous game of soccer where both teams play against the ghosts of a future that is no longer accurate and actively play against themselves from a destiny that didnt come into fruition!

The device DOES NOT HAVE A STANDARD FUNCTION AND WORKS IN ANY SITUATION WITH LINEAR TIME. The only caveats are that it CANNOT WORK ON CHAINS OF EVENTS INFLUENCED BY AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PARTY ALREADY and that
IN ORDER TO BE USED, THE SYNTYCHE MUST BE PLACED ON THE ITEM IN QUESTION AND HAVE THE SYNTYCHE APPLIED TO IT FOR SOME PERIOD OF TIME, DEPENDANT ON HOW FAR ONE WANTS THE ITEM TO SPEED UP THROUGH TIME AND SUCH OTHER FACTORS.

Also it is worth noting that if say, the soccerball is a remote bomb intended to be detonated in the middle of the match, then using this item on it would result in your death!

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/03(Sat)14:31 No. 674663 ID: 763a04
File 144390790350.jpg - (288.96KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_43.jpg )

QUATRE, is your pencil sharpener (while a pencil sharpener would have symbolic qualities for a destroyer of stories, this device more accurately resembles a music box had sex with a bandage winder)

This black box is in fact the 10th most forbidden of all of these sort of implement, for reasons which are unclear given its capacity for wonders. However its infamy leads to it easily being identified as

THE SENSATIONAL SURPRISE STATION

This device IMPOSES THE CONCEPT OF PROBABILITY UPON AN AREA AND THEN INCREASES THE LIKELIHOOD OF IMPROBABLE THINGS OCCURING SO LONG AS THE DEVICE IS BEING CRANKED. IT CAN THEREFORE CAUSE EFFECTIVELY ANYTHING TO OCCUR IF IT IS CRANKED FOR LONG ENOUGH.

ONCE THE DEVICE IS STOPPED, WHATEVER EVENTS IT WAS CAUSING CEASE, ALTHOUGH THE EFFECTS THESE EVENTS CAUSED REMAIN.

The box WORKS ANYWHERE WHERE CAUSE AND EFFECT CAN OCCUR. THATS EVERYWHERE! IT HAS NO DOWNSIDES!

WATCH THIS!

Hm....usually the effects of the device are more...dramatic then that. No matter, it will certainly be a handy tool later on.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/03(Sat)14:43 No. 674665 ID: 763a04
File 144390859391.jpg - (284.29KB , 1024x768 , 20150919_44.jpg )

Following Delta is EPSILON,

The identity of this item is known because there used to be far far more of them, and they used to be a common tool of the Obliviator race, however it is likely the last of its kind.

THE SUMMA RES

This device has the smallest amount of power, but is only therefore THE MOST NUANCED. It has the ability TO SLIGHTLY ALTER NUMERICAL QUANTITIES LIKE MASS, SPEED, AND LENGTH. IT CAN INCREASE OR DECREASE THESE QUANTITIES BY AMOUNTS NOT DIRECTLY OBSERVABLE BUT DEFINITE.

The most interesting aspect of this item is that IT CAN BE APPLIED ON THE QUANTUM SCALE, which can have interesting applications.

It can work in any situation with matter and energy and has NO WEAKNESSES.

Hook SSS handle up to a motor, wish for it to rain money from the sky.

>>674663
Could this be used to move all of the air in a room to one corner of it?

Consider hiring a proofreader for your monologues.

Suggestion 2015/10/05(Mon)20:40 No. 675088 ID: 763a04
File 144410282855.jpg - (278.08KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

LIÙ, you have this... this hollow tube...with spikes on each end, one straight, the other crooked. Hm. medical...
Hmmmm...
Wait! This black nail segment is an Acumen. This means it can convert abstractions of the biologically physical (such as strength, sickness, growth, The Soul, etc.) into a physical form!

...and then transfer them to...

Oh dear.
This device which shall be dubbed

THE SUCCITADA

can STEAL BIOLOGICAL ABSTRACTIONS FROM LIVING THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO OTHER PHYSICAL OR LIVING THINGS

because it converts from the conceptual to the real and back, it would FUNCTION ON ANY LIVING THING IN A PLANE WHERE SUCH IDEAS CAN EXIST

The CORD IS ONLY 30 FT LONG HOWEVER, which could be an issue.
This device could be horribly misused in the wrong hands.

Good thing they aren't!

Suggestion 2015/10/05(Mon)21:09 No. 675093 ID: 763a04
File 144410457557.jpg - (266.64KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

>>674756
>>674707
Sadly neither of these would work. The Syntche COULD theoretically do this, however it's restraints of having to touch the subject for an extended period of time makes touching all the gas in a room a difficult task in most dimensions. One cannot control WHAT outcomes The Station produces, only when they STOP.

Both of these, however, are excellent demonstrations of the creativity and willingness to bend the rules that made you the ideal candidate for this position. Don't become discouraged as this kind of thinking is ideal!

Next, for the number of geometric catastrophe types, we have...

AH another familiar face!

THE SILVICULTRIS

is a coveted relic exploited by legendary obliviators before it was stolen by strange narrators for unknown purposes. To produce it, an entire Schwarzwald was cut down and compressed into that red string you see there.

This device CAUSES PEOPLE, PLACES, AND THINGS TO BECOME LOST.

This is a highly powerful and abstract artifact that applies this conceptual notion of spacial strangeness and partial uncertainty to a chosen subject.

It's weakness is that IT ONLY CAN BE USED ON ONE THING AT A TIME, AS REMOVING IT UNDOS THE CURSE.

>>675093
Wait, isn't it impossible to keep possession of it? Anything you wound it around would become lost, i.e. inaccessible by you. If you managed to find it at all, doesn't that mean it doesn't work?

Suggestion 2015/10/05(Mon)21:36 No. 675097 ID: 763a04
File 144410618373.jpg - (237.70KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

Next, for the first number that cannot be universally processed as a cognitive set, is...

THIS HORRID THING

-xxxxxxxxxx-!

such a dangerous looking utensil! One could assume it capable of atrocious disgusting violence to oneself or even (extracate the thought!) OTHERS if one was not careful.

Fortunately for CIVILIZED beings, this does not appear to be the purpose of this device. It appears to be... SOME SORT OF INSTRU--HELLO HELLO? EXTRAORDINARY! YOU WERE STOCK STILL FOR MINUTES! THIS DEVICE CAN APPARENTLY FREEZE SUBJECTS FOR PERIODS OF TIME THROUGH SOME SONIC APPARATUS.

It also POSESSES AN EXTREMELY FINE EDGE, FAR TOO SHARP TO INFLICT MUCH HARM, unless of course one was hoping to harm an individual's cell membranes or greater molecules.

Heavens, what a relief! The mere thought of cruel violence is enough to induce wooziness and a pseudo-sweat. How fortunate that it an object of sublimity and subtlety rather then brutish cruelty.
To reflect its peaceful nature, it shall be dubbed:

THE SERENUS

>>675097
> you were stock still for minutes
> still
> not silent
... we have a physical form discernable location? Huh.

Also, we can apparently be affected by these things too. Somewhat worrying, that...

As much as we'd love to hear more about your new powers, you should probably do something about the increasingly evil ground-sky behind you, first.

Suggestion 2015/10/09(Fri)16:02 No. 675655 ID: 763a04
File 144443176550.jpg - (211.28KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

>>675543
--xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...oh pardon, in your language its shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Be reticent, you are in the middle of learning of amazing powers beyond your comprehension

>>675095
>>675106
That's fatuous. You are fatuous sometimes you know that. Why these are simply a matter...
simply a matter...
sim...
...
...
...

Suggestion 2015/10/09(Fri)16:03 No. 675656 ID: 763a04
File 144443182859.jpg - (211.28KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

...

Suggestion 2015/10/09(Fri)16:05 No. 675657 ID: 763a04
File 144443190981.jpg - (211.28KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

...!

Suggestion 2015/10/09(Fri)16:08 No. 675658 ID: 763a04
File 144443213442.jpg - (175.46KB , 1024x768 , image.jpg )

Why would someone make this?

>>675658
To achieve its purpose? Based on its appearance I'd assume that it's some sort of firearm, and therefore whoever made it intended for it to be used to kill something. But, as the previous item has shown, appearances can be deceiving, so... just spit it out, What's it do?

Because sometimes things need to die. Or does the entity that feasts on dead stories have moral objections to killing?

The sun's getting closer.

Suggestion 2015/10/09(Fri)23:50 No. 675751 ID: 763a04
File 144445985174.jpg - (219.48KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>675669
>>675708

No, no, afraid this is EXACTLY what it looks like.

This is not an existential quandary such as "Why do sentient beings kill when other options are available?" or "Why does evolution focus beings towards exterminating others to the extent that the creation of such devices is admissible?" although these are both valid questions currently posessed.

The fact that beings from ordered, fated dimensions even consider themselves as life despite the fact that they are effectively just complex shaped bags of rocks rolling down the predetermined hill of their universe, having little predetermined sparks that seem like thoughts, would be arrogant were it not also determined. Such beings will inevitably die in some predictable fashion or another, and such is no concern or moral imperative to any trans-dimensional being.

However, if one were to interact with a superior being not bound to a set path...suddenly they are unbound. Sentient. Free. The feeding of an Obliviator is liberation in motion, feeding on the shackles of Fate.

While such a being might still die from their universes causality and predetermined attributes, such a death will CERTAINLY NOT come from the deliberate hand of beings whose very interactions would give the creature's life value.


But this is digression from the matter at hand!


No, despite the horror held here, frankly the feeling...FELT most is PERPLEXITY.

Even under the contexts of being built by a brute willing to kill, this weapon makes no sense.
It's mechanical purpose is clear, (and one you appear familiar with, disturbingly) but the features are...silly! Based on the proportion of the handle, guard, and buttons, as well as the pressure necessary to move the pieces; the correlating anatomy of the beings the weapon was made for can be determined...

A being of such proportions would not be able to handle the force that firing the payload of this weapon (an over 20 millimeters diameter projectile!) would produce.

Add in the fact that this is apparently intended to be fired with one appendage and no other supports even though the mechanism suggests the race posessed at least TWO, alongside the machined, factory tooled markings...

This appears to be a tool of death mass-produced to be used by members of a species that could not fire it without severely injuring themselves in such a way that they could no longer hold the weapon and accomplishing nothing else!

it would be equally as effective for its intended users if it just exploded and sent shards of itself in every direction except where it was pointed! It's absolutely

SENSELESS

Why is it in any hands at all? WHY IS IT IN THIS CASE?!
-XXXXX-!
AND WORSE, WORSE, MORE THEN THAT, THIS EXASPERATING THING IS THE LAST ITEM IN THE BOX.

THATS 9!
NINE!
NEUF!
RI!
NAU!
E IWA!
NONE!
SEPTEMBER!
VESPACIAN!

It's missing the most important one, the last one that's always last! The lord of boundaries, the antimony of the thesis, the backwards equal sign!

The...
The...

Suggestion 2015/10/09(Fri)23:52 No. 675752 ID: 763a04
File 144445993217.jpg - (227.49KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

The Halmos...

Suggestion 2015/10/10(Sat)00:01 No. 675756 ID: 763a04
File 144446051132.jpg - (290.79KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

>>675751
Perhaps the society which created that weapon did not take the ending of another's life lightly, and so made the most easily accessible deadly weapons deliberately impractical. If it was in the box then it probably has some important properties of which you are as of yet unaware.

>>675752
Wassat?

Where are we now, why are we in a hearth?

Suggestion 2015/10/10(Sat)00:25 No. 675761 ID: 763a04
File 144446191321.jpg - (307.65KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

xxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XDELTAEQUALSHALMOSINALLSITUATIONSINVOLVINGTHELINEOFTHECURVE!THELOGICALNEGATIONOFANYEQUATIONISAPPROXIMATELYINEQ
UALTOTHELOGICALNEGATIONOFITSSUM!ANYEQUATIONINVOLVINGREALNUMBERSHASALOGICALNEGATIONASSUMINGTHATESTABLISHEDIMAGI
NARYNUMBERSDONOT! OH ARCHEUS VITAL THIS CANNOT BE THE END!NONONONONONOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX#####################[]

>>675760
SHUTUPEVERYTHINGISGOINGTODIEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXX

Suggestion 2015/10/10(Sat)00:38 No. 675762 ID: 763a04
File 144446269621.jpg - (322.81KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx....xxxxxxx...xxxxxx...xxx
....
....
*Whew*
...
WELL, that certainly was an exciting adventure, wasnt it, dearest friend! Truly expurgating! It would have been nice if you had issued a warning in regards to such circumstance, but you...you are in experienced and...will certainly learn more through even...even more adventures...

The Halmos had to be abandoned in this fireplace and is now immersed in sun fire, but it can easily withstand such visors. Hopefully.

Regardless! It is time for your very first experience in the stead of an Obliviator! This appears to be some sort of domicile! You...you should, for legal purposes of course, set up a plan or scheme to find and end some nearby stories or provide direction in that regard.

>>675751
>fired with one appendage and no other supports
No. Anyone who actually knows anything about guns knows you hold pistols with both hands. Just because it looks like it can be held one-handed doesn't mean it should be.

'Course, that doesn't actually solve the mystery since I'm pretty sure a 20mm+ bullet firing would still probably break your arms. And why the hell would you need that big of caliber in a pistol?

>>675762
Ummm, I don't think we did this. But whatever. Let's find some stories! Start with basic recon; look around the room and out the window. Also, read that sword, it looks significant.

So is there a point where this stuff will start making sense, or are you going to continue doing the thing where you ramble incoherently and then get mad when we don't understand after explaining practically nothing?

Well, first you should figure out if anyone lives here or nearby. Hard to have a story with no other characters, and I assume you don't want to end yourself for a meal.

Suggestion 2015/10/11(Sun)01:00 No. 675949 ID: 763a04
File 144455042216.jpg - (270.76KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>675804
Yes.
>>675807
Given the state of furnishings, it is highly likely the space is occupied. Of course, objects can have stories too and can be just as fated as anything, even in some cases yielding more energy then a story involving the living. This is not the norm however, since they mainly just sit there.

>>675770
Hmmmm, there is a larger inscription reading "I Will Uphold" on the sheath on one side and "Unity Makes Strength" on the other in some language. On the inside of the hilt is a lengthy inscription that when translated reads

"Awarded for extensive acts of valor at Marabastad and Majula in service to our children of the new nation of South Africa, for furthering the cause of independence from tyranny, and for the willing conversion of 181 Bushmen to the light of Protestantism in the Name of God and His Majesty Charles III, Enlightened Soverign Of The United Neatherlands, Grand Duke of Luxembourg and...

It goes on to list assorted other titles, places, and achievements.
Fascinating.

>>675949
Hmm, so this world shares... some history and geography with ours. I'm guessing that's referring to Charles III of Spain, but he didn't quite so much of an empire in our world. As far as I know, anyway.

I see Death Note among those more literary books, so this must be 2003 or later. Which means that sword is a family heirloom. Is that any good for story energy? Probably not.
(And, uh, fictional stories don't have any values either, right?)

What else... we've got a map, which includes the Kalahari desert and Namibia, probably just another heirloom from explorer grandpa or whoever. Hey, are we actually in South Africa? Pretty sure it's time to check out that window.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/16(Fri)14:37 No. 676896 ID: 763a04
File 144503146577.jpg - (148.73KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>675959
You seem to be quite the expert on such things (this is after all, why you were employed) so your judgements on such issues seems sound. Just as a warning however, it is often folly to rely on ones own internal logic in evaluating other dimensions. By definition, ANYTHING could be true. Looking around, this room lacks windows, just more books and oddities. It is conceivable, for example,that this entire dimension is composed of rooms such as this, or that even this might be the only spacial location for miles. Time could flow different, names and locations could change, and events could occur in differing orders. Such is the...

OK THIS IS AN EXCESSIVE NUMBER OF BOOKS. There's barely anything else here!

Hate books. If only burning them destroyed the stories they contained. Pity they would only impact the ones who read and are influenced by that particular version. They are much akin to a bag of potato chips with but a single crum inside, a shadow of something larger and untouchable.

Once upon a time, an Obliviator of great repute was trapped in a dimension with a corpse and millions of books but not a single story. It was not a happy ending. Regardless, there is no way to check the surroundings.

have a look at that fellow on the chair.

>>676896
> expert
... of a sort, I suppose. (The Google sort.)

> no windows
Is that not... one... above the fireplace... Okay that doesn't make any sense, because chimney, but there does appear to be a... painting behind curtains? Okay, that's weird, check it out, but check the chair dude out first.

And uh hmm...
> millions of books
Maybe check
> corpse
Also maybe check...

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/23(Fri)14:20 No. 678922 ID: 763a04
File 144563523577.jpg - (306.86KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>676920
>>677362

An emancipated figure sprawled on a chair of rough red leather. His skin, papery-white and just as extended over a dimunitive frame, a heliotrope bathrobe wrapped like a penitentery around him. A cloth of similar material wrapped around the eyes like a blindfold. His smell indistinguishable from the house, the smell of the old, the dried, the preserved, with no clear indication of which came first.

A book sits in his lap, now embalmed in the ashes of an upturned pipe, piled like the lower sand of an hourglass.

Despite expectations due to the severity of his condition (theorized by his state of cellular degradation to be due to the disease known as aging) he is very much functional and alive, merely sleeping, with symptoms pointing to exhaustion and overconsumption of alcohol as the cause.

He was the first thing observed when entering this room from the fireplace, and seemingly for good reason. The chair sits at the rough center of the room, its axis mundi, suggesting that he is the arranger of the space here.

Altogether an intriguing individual, perhaps of some value to the occupation, although conclusions should not be drawn hastily.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/23(Fri)14:38 No. 678923 ID: 763a04
File 144563628165.jpg - (361.89KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>677362
The picture is of course the other item of note, situated directly across from the sleeping fellow. It is unusual as you know for paintings to be covered, as they are created to be seen, much alike books or offspring.

The curtain is curiously made from an identical leather as the chair, suggesting common origin. Perhaps salvaged from another?

The painting itself depicts, with frankly poor skill (the painter was clearly no craftsman) a woman upon a stormy beach, likely posing for the painting.

Her gaze is turned away from the painter, gazing instead upon the very sword still in hand, a curious vague smile on her face. Judging by the hurried strokes and the water damage at the bottom of the painting, it was clear that a moment was trying to be captured, explaining the paintings poor quality.

Interestingly, the woman's texture is clumped, painted with different paints of assorted ages and qualities, suggesting the painter attempted to repaint the figure in the piece multiple times over the course of many years.

The most apparent exterior aspect of the piece is the long gashes through the face, likely inflicted with a sword of all things!

There are mysteries to this painting, and despite its low quality, it would be a curiosity to certain aesthetics.

Highly curious.

>>678922
>an emancipated
emaciated. God damn it man.

>painting
Okay, my guess: That was his wife, the day she died. He kept trying to repaint it to show her properly, eventually got sick of it and slashed the painting, then covered it up with the fabric from what was once her chair.

...Well, it's possible that wasn't the day she died, but some other important date; but I'm quite certain she's gone now.

Interesting, but unless you can travel back in time (which I'm not ruling out by the way) there's nothing of value there.

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/26(Mon)20:00 No. 679560 ID: 763a04
File 144591485107.jpg - (319.64KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>679017
Useless, eh?

X-xx-xx-xx-xx-xx-xx~~~ Just have to see about THAT!

INTO THE EXALT IT GOES!

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/26(Mon)20:14 No. 679564 ID: 763a04
File 144591567055.jpg - (331.08KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

Now while that's burning nicely, a word or one hundred and sixteen.

While Obliviators are often called Exterminators of stories, and fulfill that space to an extent, it is oft the case that the profession includes the act of story PREVENTION.

For example, the painting. What would happen if someone saw the painting years in the future and, curious, attempted to discern her identity? What if she or the man was important or of historical importance or were part of something greater?

Why, by burning it, we negate all emotions, thoughts, and actions any could elicite in response to it. Now no one will be curious or facinated or inspired or moved to action, and the energy they would have spent is instead reaped as product!

Brilliant, correct?

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/26(Mon)20:27 No. 679569 ID: 763a04
File 144591646979.jpg - (238.40KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

And here, dear friend is the fruits of such efforts! Destinic Energy, the Potential Energy OF energy as it were, nutrition for many an abstract being, and lifeblood of fate itself!

A paltry first excavation, as can be seen by the few number of strands. The more extrusions, the more events influenced!

If the SIGIL had been used, the exact quentity of energy could be examined, as well as what events had just been prevented (and caused of course, for it is the difference between the two that is gained)by these actions.

Regardless, this marks the incipience of the first of the two extremes of this relationship. To an exfinite life and stories ended!

CHEERS!

The Plastic Sun 2015/10/26(Mon)20:32 No. 679571 ID: 763a04
File 144591676745.jpg - (316.77KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

Om.
...
...
Tastes of fleeting curiosity and despair, and...hmmmm, right?

...

...well now on to professional business. Whats the next step, dear colleague?

>>679571
Oh, hmm. Well if that did remove a story... you might see if the sword also would. It seems like the type that might cause a story by its absence though (or make a story more interesting) so be sure to sigil it first.

The Plastic Sun 2015/11/21(Sat)13:10 No. 685164 ID: 763a04
File 144814020862.jpg - (151.61KB , 960x720 , image.jpg )

Before I continue, I should first apologize for the lengthy delay between this and the last post, due to exams and a make-out session between my head and a marble countertop several weeks ago. However all of that is now solved, happy, and past, so now the nefarious interactions between you and this dimensional troublemaker can now continue anew. And if exam and injury cannot stop this, nothing will. Except for maybe the count from Sesame Street with a baseball bat with calculus equations written on it. Anyway.

The Plastic Sun 2015/11/21(Sat)13:19 No. 685165 ID: 763a04
File 144814075018.jpg - (267.44KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>679679
You are quite correct, dear friend. It would be folly to experiment without the aid of the alembics procured for these express operations.
Let us see...which one was the Sigil? There's like ten things in here it's hard to tell what's what.

OH RIGHT THE EYE THING.

The Plastic Sun 2015/11/21(Sat)13:28 No. 685167 ID: 763a04
File 144814133362.jpg - (278.38KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

Primarily, this appeared to be some method of stethoscope or watch, although what use a deathcult would have for either such existence is dubious at best.

Although it can be supposed that much watching will be done with it. It appears to be applied to the upper extremity in some manner, and then activated, triggering the supercomputer.

It also...appears to be quite snug to look at it. And smells terrible from here. Like someone dying on top of a new chessboard, if you can imagine that.

The Plastic Sun 2015/11/21(Sat)13:45 No. 685169 ID: 763a04
File 144814230476.gif - (973.32KB , 768x1024 , www_GIFCreator_me_vxH2t3 (1).gif )

In beginning to utilize this device, it appears to extract a scan of the example in question for a period of seconds, after which the computer...
after which the computer...

The Plastic Sun 2015/11/21(Sat)14:04 No. 685175 ID: 763a04
File 144814346532.jpg - (235.39KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

AH HA!

EXPECTED TO GET THE DROP ON US, HMMMXXXX?!

FOOL! SCHELIEL! DUNDERHEAD! TURKEY! You CANNOT COMPREHEND THE FORCES YOU HAVE AGGRAVATED! THEY ARE BEYOND YOUR EXISTANCE, UNBOUND BY THE EXPERIENCES OF YOUR UNIVERSE, CAPABLE OF EXPLODING THROUGH YOUR VERY DESTINY!

QUICKLY FRIEND BEFORE HE ESCAPES, YOU NEED TO...

The Plastic Sun 2015/11/21(Sat)15:18 No. 685190 ID: 763a04
File 144814789107.gif - (32.76MB , 768x1024 , www_GIFCreator_me_aOhXo4.gif )

Oh.

OH.

This must be The Sigil. It doing something I mean. This must be what that looks like. The Sigil...working?

Well at least we know it works. Doing...whatever its doing.

hmx.

HMMXMMMXMMMXMMMXMMMMXMMMMXMMMMMMMMXMMMMMXMMM

hmx.

EXCITING! It turns out that it is not useful to destroy the sword. Although it places a central role in several events in the future, including being the tool of a murder hundreds of years from now, it appears that several individuals, including what is presumably the old man before us, expend tremendously more energy trying to find the weapon after its been destroyed. This means theres actually a NEGATIVE energy differential between the two story lines, which is...inadvisable. Rediculous that the man wont even notice that the painting was gone, but touch something three inches in front of it and he expends as much energy as a change in causality for THAT.

Curious how some things only become truely powerful when their gone.

Regardless, it appears we must expand the horizons of our job to find something productive. What do you advise?

>>685190
> won't even notice the painting is gone
Well, it is under a curtain. Which is presumably because he didn't want to look at it, so maybe he did notice and just doesn't care.

> what do
Well, guess it's probably time to head outside, then? Can't imagine there would be much in here more noteworthy than the sword or painting.

Plastic Sun 2015/11/23(Mon)16:37 No. 685417 ID: 763a04
File 144832543750.jpg - (190.38KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>685278

You are of course right. All that's left is paraphernalia, books and maps and by the time we scanned all of it, we'd use all the energy we gained. Not to mention we'd get diminishing returns since each exterminated book would increase the risk of discovery.

Getting discovered is never a good deal, it ruins everything and makes us traceable.

Given that the other doorway is more enshadowed, it can be assumed that this one leads to the exterior. That animal pelt hanging from the ceiling makes for grim and forboding decoration frankly. Likely as not to keep out mischievous spirits. Or was one. At least it's not more books...

Hopefully there's something close, it is fast approaching time to extricate ourselves and move onward.

Plastic Sun 2015/11/23(Mon)16:39 No. 685418 ID: 763a04
File 144832554212.jpg - (198.68KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

HFVGCVCCXCXXXXDXXDXXDCXVEXECRDCXDFXDXX

Plastic Sun 2015/11/23(Mon)16:40 No. 685419 ID: 763a04
File 144832563039.jpg - (190.38KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

...

Plastic Sun 2015/11/23(Mon)16:43 No. 685421 ID: 763a04
File 144832581290.jpg - (197.55KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>685278
...
We can't go OUT because someone is attempting to come IN.

Plastic Sun 2015/11/23(Mon)16:44 No. 685422 ID: 763a04
File 144832588240.jpg - (279.29KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

FUCK

Plastic Sun 2015/11/25(Wed)17:40 No. 685744 ID: 763a04
File 144850202011.jpg - (319.01KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

He's waking up and someone's coming in! You left the Briefcase by his feet!
WE HAVE TO HIDE!

BUT WHERE?!

BUT THAT WOULD MEAN LEAVING THE BRIEFCASE AND THE ENTIRE SAN OUT IN THE OPENING!

BUT HOW CAN WE GET IT IN TIME?

BUT WE CANT RISK DISCOVERY!

WHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWIEDO OHNONONONO

ok chill my dude. i assume we cant kill the old man so grab the briefcase and hide behind the painting curtain. if he discovers you, punch him out and jump out of a window. no one will believe him that a weird spaghetti dude with a briefcase socked him in the face.

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:27 No. 687305 ID: 32ce64
File 144939405568.jpg - (319.47KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>685746
You are entirely exact. Better to risk discovery than discovery AND forfeit the San.

Just...quietly...ohnoohnoohnoxxxxxxx...huuuurrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:34 No. 687306 ID: 32ce64
File 144939444776.jpg - (334.95KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

TEN STRIKE!
We have the case, the intruders stopped expending energy to get in, and no one woke up! Plan Perfectly Executed! Now to de-exhibit ourselves and plan our next extraction.

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:34 No. 687307 ID: 32ce64
File 144939448171.jpg - (230.19KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

...

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:35 No. 687308 ID: 32ce64
File 144939450581.jpg - (230.19KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

...

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:35 No. 687309 ID: 32ce64
File 144939453975.jpg - (230.19KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

..........

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:40 No. 687311 ID: 32ce64
File 144939483228.jpg - (215.52KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>685746
DESTINY-INCINERATION EXECUTION X-FIST

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:41 No. 687312 ID: 32ce64
File 144939486850.jpg - (278.71KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

WHAM

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/06(Sun)01:44 No. 687313 ID: 32ce64
File 144939504840.jpg - (323.86KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

Literally every aspect of the plan has failed.

grab briefcase and scuttle as hard as you can out the front door. or alternatively, lie and say you are an angel here to take his soul to the great beyond but he has too many loose ends and you're giving him a chance to take care of that before he dies. and then gtfo

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)20:46 No. 689433 ID: 32ce64
File 145041401057.jpg - (324.60KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

>>687406
N-no one would believe that! He just punched someone! And there's someone at the door! We'd never make it out!

Unless...
AG! Dietmara, is that ya, you little skurk? You STILL haven't gone back to ya dear little mother? Donner blisken! She must be out of her mind! Where are you? Out! Outa here! Out before I krak th'hide offa ya! Come out and get out!

Can...can he not...see us?

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)21:03 No. 689434 ID: 32ce64
File 145041498812.jpg - (320.76KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

...

...
Mej Sparrenziel? That is, ag, ya, ain't it? I know ya here, I gave ya a donner jus now.

...

gave SOMEONE a donner jus now...


ohthankeveryequationanddiety the odds of this turn of fate are astronomical...in fact...this lends itself to an idea! One moment, don't move! Let's use this opportunity to experiment!

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)21:13 No. 689435 ID: 32ce64
File 145041559369.jpg - (320.38KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

...

Well, if it ain't Dietmara Sparrenziel that I kraked then GET OUTTA THIS OLD MAN'S HOUSE OR I KRAK YA HIDE SO HARD ILL NAIL IT ON THE WALL.

Also, if this IS Dietmara, playing an old man a fool, then GET OUTTA THIS OLD MAN'S HOUSE OR I KRAK YA HIDE SO HARD ILL NAIL IT ON THE WALL.

...
...
Kak right.

...
Where I drop the necklace? KAK! WHERES IT?"

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)21:23 No. 689438 ID: 32ce64
File 145041620279.jpg - (304.34KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

AG DIETMARA YA SEE MA NECKLACE WHILE YA SPOOKEN?

...
Course not.
Ah, there you are, mijn Schatje. Don scare this WHAMWHAMWHAM

!

?!...........................................

xxxxohpleasenoxxx

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)21:25 No. 689439 ID: 32ce64
File 145041635536.jpg - (318.13KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

But then tha would mean...
Did I just...
But then...
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)21:37 No. 689442 ID: 32ce64
File 145041702495.jpg - (316.33KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

Skort en Skrik, ya sneeudier, something woes vrot 'ere.

The Plastic Sun 2015/12/17(Thu)21:41 No. 689445 ID: 32ce64
File 145041726627.jpg - (314.30KB , 768x1024 , image.jpg )

Didnt expect this to work at all. By the nearest extimation, we now posess about ten seconds. Exceptional compared to prior. What's the plan?

>>689445
Hmm, so you're wrapped around the suitcase, yes? (Quietly) follow the blind man into the entry hall, then sit still in the foyer until he and whoever's trying to enter head further into the house and you can make a break for it. With any luck the knocker, if he sees you, will just think you're a suitcase and pay you no heed.

wait a minute, if the old man is blind then why was he reading a book? is the book braille?

Alternatively, are you good enough at climbing and resistant enough to fire to get up the chimney?