Alright let's hope the key is near the door.

WAIT! You need to leave right now, you've forgotten your 11 ft pole, and your powdered chalk, and your small steel mirror, and your food, and your lockpicks... You are woefully under equipped aren't you? At least you have your heal spell.

You should believe in yourself! Dare to be what your heart desires! Be the pretty elf princess you've always wanted to be.

Gren 2015/09/06(Sun)08:09 No. 667745 ID: 265534
File 144155216035.png - (143.06KB , 1024x768 , 7.png )

Gren engages in stealth maneuvers and darts into the north passage.
"Huh?"
"I thought I saw something," says one of them.
"Want to check it out?" says another.
"Yeah, in a minute."

He hasn't completely blown his cover yet, but they might be on alert.

Search the knocked over cabinet.

Eat tree leaves for sustenance.

>>667745
Quick, hide behind some of the ruined furniture.

First check all of the things you can check without making any noise. Like, that crack, behind the stairs, under that weird stone tent. Up the stairs?
Most of those places seem like reasonable potential hiding spots, btw.

Look under the "stone tent" for loot, which you know is actually a table

>>667815
OH, that makes a bit more sense.

Gren 2015/09/07(Mon)19:08 No. 668184 ID: 265534
File 144167809372.png - (176.04KB , 1024x768 , 8.png )

Gren hides under the WEIRD STONE TENT known by some as a table with the legs broken off, nearly bumping a dusty old bottle lying underneath.

Looks like piss. I hope it's not actually piss, but that might be preferable if it's some horrible poison or weird potion. I have no idea how to tell what it is.

After a few minutes, one of the people enters the room.

"Anything in there?"

"Probably a squirrel or something," calls back the apparently human man with a beard. It's hard for Gren to see him from here without giving himself away. The man turns and goes back the way he came, "I'm gonna finish eating before dealing with this."

Take piss potion. Maybe you can throw it at someone.

Time to look for a key or other means past the door.

take piss potion, check crack in wall for more loots

pour a drop of piss potion on to the leaf of that dinky tree, see what happens.

>>668184
The key is almost certainly in that overturned desk/cabinet/whatever.

>>668184
The unlabeled potion is truly adventurer hell. Even opening it could be dangerous in case it some sort of gas bomb.

On the other hand.. there's a good chance the other group won't know what it is, could be useful for a bluff or distraction.

Gren 2015/09/10(Thu)07:58 No. 668822 ID: 265534
File 144189712514.png - (98.84KB , 756x625 , 9.png )

Moving the cabinet without making a lot of noise is going to be difficult and with the adventurers in the next room, he doesn't chance it.

Gren checks the crack in the wall and finds an old key dead leaves and dirt.

Finding the key immediately was a stroke of luck. What are the chances?
(Exactly 5%)

>exactly 5%
Nice 20 you rolled there.

Now, quick, through the door and lock it behind you. Try to be quiet about it.

>>668822
Aw shit yeah, an acorn.

don't forget that magic acorn
I'm sure it's really important

>>668826
Yep. If we can make sure they don't know we were ever here, we won't need to worry about them following us for the rest of the quest, vengeance in their eyes.

plant the acorn in a wall crack, in 30 years it will have opened the wall and you can burn it down and find a secret.

Eat acorn.

Gren 2015/09/12(Sat)12:57 No. 669193 ID: 265534
File 144208785060.png - (132.33KB , 1024x768 , 10.png )

Gren puts the acorn back in the crack, so that one day in the far future a secret tree passage can be revealed, then heads upstairs and finds the locked door. The key opens two rooms full of debris and one with a stairway that leads back downstairs into a cellar. Maybe not a cellar. It has to be on the main floor, but it's disconnected from the rest of the building.

A big hole in the wall stands out as the defining feature of the room. It just kind of goes off into the dark.

>>669193
Lock door behind you, before anything else.

enter dank hole
you're all about entering dank holes

make sure you close that door behind you AFTER you check that you can open if form the inside. That way you don't have to worry about those adventures sneaking up behind you.

Throw loose bricks into the dank crack.

Gren 2015/09/12(Sat)17:09 No. 669251 ID: 265534
File 144210296617.png - (151.12KB , 1024x768 , 11.png )

Gren locks the door and checks the hole, tossing a piece of brick into the darkness. It is confirmed to be a dark hole.

Probe the hole with enthusiasm. And your body.

>>669251
Check inside the barrels.

Stick your entire body in that hole.
The barrels look sealed so unless you have a crowbar there's no searching them. Maybe something behind them but I doubt it.

Gren 2015/09/12(Sat)18:43 No. 669291 ID: 265534
File 144210860928.png - (84.52KB , 567x495 , 12.png )

>>669259
Behind the barrels is another dusty, old bottle. Purple this time? Grape flavor?

grape ape flavour

>>669291
Whoo, grape!

Then I guess we go spelunking.

SHIT YES PURPLE DRANK! Chug that shit asap!

Shell upgrade! DRINK IT.

>>669291
HAD TO PROVE ME WRONG HUH? I would not drink an unidentified potion if I were you. If you have any way of identifying it by say, smelling it or dipping something into it try that.

smell it then do some shots

Gren 2015/09/13(Sun)07:17 No. 669377 ID: 265534
File 144215383016.png - (56.32KB , 371x447 , 13.png )

Gren decides to drink this potion, based solely on the color of the liquid in the bottle.

Ugh... Tastes like cheap, watery beer.

Gren 2015/09/13(Sun)07:23 No. 669378 ID: 265534
File 144215422041.png - (55.90KB , 371x447 , 14.png )

Did it do anything? After a few moments, there's nothing noticeable... No, wait. That didn't taste very sexy, so Gren assumes the raging boner is the effect of the potion.

Oh, this is useful.

Suddenly, rustling and banging from upstairs,
"Alright, the key could be anywhere or not here at all. I'm not wasting energy looking for it when we could just spend some time bashing it down., followed by a slam against the door.

Don't worry if they barge in here they'll be too distracted by your purple drank boner to fight you. But seriously just shimmy down that hole as fast as possible.

Remember to consult your shaman if it lasts more than four hours.

Ohno! It was a potion of gender change! You're not a green elf girl anymore!

>coming through the door
Quick, you mus open the door and fuck them into submission!

...or not. Let's just trust the door will hold for a while.

Now you get to have the fun of clawing through that hole in the wall with your boner poking into the ground.

whelp time to continue down to distract yourself from you boner and avoid the homicidal adventures coming in from behind.

Ruminate over your thoughts concerning cute rat girl adventurers.

Disregard chub, acquire subterranean egress.
Don't get yourself caught on anything on the way.

I blame all the "entering holes" talk

Gren 2015/09/14(Mon)11:06 No. 669557 ID: 265534
File 144225397967.png - (287.43KB , 1024x768 , 15.png )

Gren enters the hole without incident. It's not small enough to catch anything on the way through.

The passage opens into a dark cave. Being a hobgoblin lets him see in the dark well enough not to fall over things, but not enough to see his surroundings clearly.

>Remember to consult your shaman if it lasts more than four hours.

The only shaman I know is my grandmother, and I don't want to consult my grandma about...

"You've gotten so big, let granny take care of that..."

YEAAAAAAAAGH! SHUT UP!

No, no, continue this line of thought.
Does your family own a large estate? Because those are some huge... tracts of land!

so you can somewhat see things, what do you hear?

All I see up ahead are rocks.

Go check out the rocks.

>>669557
You realize you're never gonna get that out of your mind now.

Explore cave. If you can't see the whole thing at one, make a lap of the periphery, following the wall. That should let you map out what's there.

how old do hobgoblins get?

Admit to yourself that you have a GMILF fetish.

Run recklessly into the cave, maybe you'll get lucky and a monster will attack you and drive the image of your grandmother's surprisingly perky tits out of your head.

>>669557
Welp, you've already succumbed to adventuring madness. Drink the other potion. Accept your doom.

Drink the other potion! you only live once!

Stop thinking grandma juicy tits, and pay attention to your surroundings.

Have yourself a wank. Hopefully that'll get rid of the potion's effects.

Gren 2015/09/20(Sun)06:33 No. 670816 ID: 265534
File 144275602892.png - (204.78KB , 411x546 , 16.png )

>how old do hobgoblins get?

"When Ghabrinax created goblins, he looked upon the works of the other Gods and said, "Those things are fucking stupid. My shit's going to be way better." And lo, he did make goblins never age past the prime of their lives, so they could serve him to their fullest, then he gave them very little common sense or survival instinct, so they end up dead a lot anyway. Good job, Ghabrinax, ya fucked us." - The Mirgkarm, goblin holy book

Gren realizes that a lot of goblins fall prey to this weakness and die, so he's careful about not doing anything reckless.

Gren drinks the second bottle of unidentified liquid he found on the floor and suddenly cannot see anymore.

>>670816
So are we, like, 1000 years old?

sweet a hair growing tonic... wait a minute, who's dungeon are we raiding anyways? I mean first the boner potion, now the hair growing tonic, is this a dungeon of some kind of perverted old wizard or something who just keep losing all his crap because of Alzheimer's or something?

Uh, hopefully that's just because of the hair in front of your eyes. Brush it back.

>>670816
You beautiful now.

maybe we should stop drinking things.

>>670816
start a metal band

>>670816
These semi-useless potions are actually a good sign! If they originated from these ruins, then this was a place that people with plenty of disposable income lived.

Also, tie back your hair, don't saw it off. If those other adventurers get through a heap of still-oily black goblin hair will be a dead giveaway that you're already in.

Gren 2015/09/20(Sun)13:19 No. 670952 ID: 265534
File 144278039590.png - (286.93KB , 1024x768 , 17.png )

>So are we, like, 1000 years old?

More like seventeen, which by human standards is the same as being early twenty something... Why do humans get to make all the standards anyway? The important thing is that he can buy booze legitimately, which is terrible and takes a lot of the fun out of it. Raise the legal drinking age for the rapidly maturing races! It's unfair to deprive them of the thrill of underage drinking just because they're adults. Anyway... Getting to one hundred years is quite the feat for most gobinoids, it just doesn't happen very often.

>that's just because of the hair in front of your eyes

That's lucky. Being blind in a cave while being chased by a gang of adventurers would be inconvenient, even more inconvenient than having this mess of hair.

>start a metal band

My hair is fabulous and I'm horny as hell. I could get all those groupies, but I'm gonna have to cut this off.

>don't saw it off. If those other adventurers get through a heap of still-oily black goblin hair will be a dead giveaway that you're already in

Urgh... Fine.

there's a lot of water pour down this tunnel. Is this place near a lake?

>It's unfair to deprive them of the thrill of underage drinking just because they're adults.
But you just complained about humans setting all the standards. And speaking as a hypothetical human, I think you (and your grandmother!) are both very fortunate for that miracle of biology.

>>670952
So are you gonna search this cave for stuff or what.

Gren 2015/09/23(Wed)21:30 No. 672168 ID: 265534
File 144306899618.png - (390.83KB , 721x746 , 18.png )

Suddenly, something cold and wet splats on Gren's head. Gross.

Ah, just the cold shower you needed to clear your mind! Don't swallow it.

headbang!

Stick your dick in it.

Is it acidic? Better wipe it off before you find out the hard way... or before it smothers you.

>>672168
Well, that's not water, or it would have come off by now. You don't claw at water.

So... the good possibility is you now have a slime stuck to your face. The bad possibility is that's a sticky glob of giant monster drool, and there's something way more dangerous than a slime above you.

>>672171
seconded

>>672171
could there really be any other solution?

Gren 2015/09/27(Sun)08:58 No. 673155 ID: 265534
File 144336952323.png - (235.39KB , 680x515 , 19.png )

>headbang
>wipe it off

Gren furiously flails, launching the slime onto the floor.

URGH! Git off, fucker!

Gren 2015/09/27(Sun)08:59 No. 673156 ID: 265534
File 144336957872.png - (170.17KB , 700x525 , 20.png )

Okay, this is annoying. Fuck off with all this hair. I'll kick it behind a rock or something so the others don't notice.

Gren 2015/09/27(Sun)09:07 No. 673157 ID: 265534
File 144337006412.png - (251.97KB , 883x533 , 21.png )

Once his head is removed of all extra baggage, Gren assesses the situation.

>is it acidic

Face is still intact, so it's probably not too dangerous.

>is it a slime or monster drool?

It's reforming into a blob. It's a slime.

>stick your dick in it.

What? That's crazy...

>seconded

I could at least find a sexier monster for this kind of thing...

>could there really be any other solution?

I have people behind me, I should probably keep moving so I don't get caught. Who knows how long it'll take them to bash down that door... Maybe long enough to...

commune with it.



via dick.

Keep moving and look up from time to time. If that slime surprised you then it will probably do the same to the adventurer party behind giving you some warning if the come down this path... Or at least slow them down.

acquire pet blob

Stick it back on the ceiling so it can fall on some other guys face.

>>673156
Just cutting your hair won't reserve the effects of the potion of gender change, you know.

>>673157
Can't we... just walk past it? Leave the slime for the other adventures to deal with. Let monsters slow them down, instead of getting to stroll through a cleared area while you do everything the hard way.

Drape hair cuttings over it. Maybe they'll think it's some kind of unique or powerful slime.

give cut hair to ooze, it seemed to like your head maybe it will be happy

Give it a wig of cut hair, then kick it down the passage behind you.

>>673163
>>673164
We can do both, stuff it down your pants and get running. Don't think of sticking your dick in the slime as having sex with it, think of it as dealing with that unfortunate potion effect in a more hands-free way.

Feed it some mushrooms and get it to develop bioluminescence.

Gren 2015/09/29(Tue)08:22 No. 673702 ID: 265534
File 144354012845.png - (135.85KB , 625x424 , 22.png )

>look up

Oh good. There's a bunch. Good think I checked.

>Feed it some mushrooms and get it to develop bioluminescence.

How.

Well, you'll need some glowing mushrooms first, so get searching.

Can you cram some of that slime in your used potion bottle?

Stick your dick in the ceiling.

move one and avoid walking under those things. Also make sure you look down every now and then as well so you don't fall in a hole or something.

>>673702
They're coming from cracks in the ceiling. There's probably a giant slime on the floor above you. Try not to let it reform enough down here to be dangerous.

>>673702
Carefully sneak across the room, not walking under any slimes.

Assess hair. Does it look sufficiently cute now?

Put a some of the slime in one of the empty bottles.