David H. Face 2011/09/05(Mon)00:49 No. 345623 ID: e1359e
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My name is David Harold Face.

David H. Face 2011/09/05(Mon)00:50 No. 345624 ID: e1359e
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Two months ago I inherited the Face to Face brewing company when my father, Dr. Francis Face, died.

Face the facts with Face to Face, the in your Face beer that will put a face on your good time.

David H. Face 2011/09/05(Mon)00:50 No. 345625 ID: e1359e
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What is this shit? I am not drinkin' this faceless shit! Come back when you've got a beer that can look me in the eyes you blank-faced piece of garbage!
Hey, this beer is not bad... wait, no face? What do you think I'm some kind of slut who will drink beer without an honest face on the bottle? Get fucked you asshole!
I was going to drink it, but there was no face. I didn't know what to think. It's fuckin' bullshit.

David H. Face 2011/09/05(Mon)00:51 No. 345626 ID: e1359e
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This haunts me in my sleep. I was born without a face. Can you imagine enduring the fucking humiliation of having no face with the legacy that my name has? The kids were relentless.

I can not live up to my father's name like this. I need to get a face or Face to Face Brewing, inc. is going in the shitter.

That is why the faceoff starts today.

I live in a town of face-faced scoundrels. Where in this rat-shit-caked junky asscrack city should I start looking for what life owes me (a face)?

>Smoking a cigarette
>No face
>MFW HE HAS NO FACE
I HAVE NO FACE

the seediest place in town. a place where someone going missing wont be noticed for months.

Don't be a pussy and make one yourself. Get a scalpel, or atleast a boxcutter or exacto knife. See where people have eyes and a mouth? Cut some where you think it should be. Just eyeball it It's not that hard man.

where the male supermodels hang out.

Suggestion 2011/09/05(Mon)04:35 No. 345642 ID: 510737
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Don't worry you aren't alone,just have someone draw a face on with some markers.

>>345626
Outside of a high class bar. Find someone who is drunk of their ass and with a good face. Then you nab them and go to a clinic with a doctor that won't ask too many questions.

Irony levels are off the charts.
But as for getting a face, would one face truly be enough? Imagine the respect a man would get if he had two faces, or three faces, or even more! With enough faces you could do anything. With ALL the faces you would be as a GOD ON EARTH.

David H. Face 2011/09/05(Mon)10:56 No. 345676 ID: e1359e
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>>345629
>Just eyeball it
>It's not that hard man.

Now you are making fun of my faceless head AND my erectile dysfuntion? What are you an asshole?

>>345628
>>345643
No one hangs out OUTSIDE of bars here. Too dangerous. Luckily, the seediest place in town is ALSO the classiest bar in town. God, look at that wainscoting! Jesus Christ!

Which one of these nosey-nellies should I talk to?

The one with the biggest, most honest face you can find.

>>345676
The one closest to you. At least you can see his face and while he looks a bit thuggish he also looks like someone you could get very drunk by simply buying him rounds. Hopefully you can get him drunk enough to pass out, which is when you make your move and tell people you're just going to take him home so he can sober up, when in reality you're going to bring him to a seedy doc that will cut off his face and put it on you.

>>345676
Talk to that bartender! Perhaps, if things go well, you could end up with a nice, rabbit face.. and if no one can trust an adorable face, then the world is just too cold and ugly for me to continue onward.

David H. Face 2011/09/06(Tue)13:39 No. 346053 ID: e1359e
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The man in the front is an OFFICER OF THE LAW.

>"You got something to say freakazoid, or are you gonna MOVE ALONG?"

He is also an ASSHOLE.

talk to trenchcoat dude.

keep in mind that you want to eventually move on to the lady.

>>346053
Oh yeah that guy will do. Nobody is likely to miss him. The cops might look a bit extra, but if you make sure that no body is ever found then things should be cool.

David H. Face 2011/09/06(Tue)18:05 No. 346136 ID: e1359e
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>>346054
I don't want no lady face. Plus, this guy's pissin' me off.

>>346067
Stone cold. The cops can look all they want. I am a very powerful man - I own a brewery.

Yeah... yeah, this will work.

How am I gonna trick this fool?

tell him he is just the man he wanted. you are working on a new brew and wanted him to test it. he get suspicious a little tell him that a classy bar is obviously the best place to find someone who know's their beer.

>>346136
By buying him drinks. Possibly also the entire bar to make it seem less suspicious and gay. Make sure it's strong stuff as well, strongest they have. He should be down in an hour or two then. After that you call up your ride and drag him out to it, if anyone asks you're taking your good friend home to his place so he can sober up. In reality he's going with you to a doctor with very loose ethical standards who is willing to perform the surgery for monetary compensation and the fun of doing it.

>>346136
Coyly suggest that you're considering making him the new face of your brewing company, then hold an on-the-spot interview in a private booth with plenty of drinks.

yeah, get him drunk.

David H. Face 2011/09/06(Tue)19:46 No. 346192 ID: e1359e
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>>346158
>>346170

"YOU, sir, have the honest face of a hardworking man of the law. How about we discuss a little business over a round of drinks?"

He looks CURIOUS and FLATTERED. I am a dashingly persuasive businessman. I get him a round and he does not take and drinks.

"How would you like to be the new face of Face to Face, ltd. brewing?"

David H. Face 2011/09/06(Tue)19:48 No. 346193 ID: e1359e
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>"Don't you tell me about drinks. I know who you are! They don't even serve your faceless pisswater here."

Ok this faceless thing is really starting to piss me off. Who does he think he is?

>>346193
Idly suggest that if he doesn't a nice, lump sum of money, that you could easily take your business to someone else for a fraction of the cost.

"and? that is why i asked you to be the new face, imagine everyone drinking a beer with your face on it. and i am sure you know that in blindfolded taste tests my beer was rated very highly. so if you are SURE you don't want to be famous i can find someone else."

Smash.

His.

FACE

>>346193
He's kind of a jerk, but we should turn the other - oh, right. Get up in his face and demand an apology.

Maybe you could re-brand your product "Faceless beer?"

tell him " this is what I think of your beer!"
then piss on him.

>>346193
Some jerk in a bar. Fuck him and don't let his insults get to you. Just keep pouring liqour into him until he can't stand up anymore. You don't really need all that much for that, just have to make sure he downs it quickly.

wait! offer him moolah a lot of it.

David H. Face 2011/09/07(Wed)09:43 No. 346298 ID: e1359e
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>>346198
>>346290
>>346171
>>346279

I will do BOTH of these things at once by offering him the most overpriced swill that this dive has to offer! He will not be able to resist that!

David H. Face 2011/09/07(Wed)09:44 No. 346299 ID: e1359e
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Goooooooooooood, gooooooood.

Judging by the amount of Kirby-circles around his face after three rounds I would say that he is SMASHED.

This is tactful work. Now how to I get him out back so I can knock him out?

>>346299

Challenge him to a fight?

>>346299
You don't need to. Just make sure he keeps drinking until he passes out. Then the bartender is likely to throw him out or you can drag him out yourself.

David H. Face 2011/09/07(Wed)21:30 No. 346494 ID: e1359e
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>"hey bud i think i've had enough beer. i'm TECHNICALLY supposed to be on patrol right now so thanks for the free beer assface"

>>346232
I have already dishonored by father enough by spending my hard-earned money on ORANGE MOUNTAIN RESERVE beer. I would sooner DIE than change the company's name to faceless!

It is now or never with this douchebag police officer. What's it going to be?

>>346494
Ask to follow him, saying that you're curious about his line of work.

Then, when he gets close to a particularly dark alley, proclaim that there's crime in it, just around the corner (you totally saw them!). Of course, when he rounds that corner out of sight, quip a one-liner and knock him out cold.

follow him. secretly.

>>346494
Follow at a distance, possibly give some random thug a bit of cash for going up to his face and spiting in it and then running away into a dark alley. Once there you strike.

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)12:12 No. 346623 ID: e1359e
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He is stumbling out to his cruiser. God this guy is a shitty cop

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)12:13 No. 346624 ID: e1359e
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>>346547
I pay someone from the bar to distract him. She obliges gladly, telling him that she loves a man in uniform and wants to see him in the alley in five minutes

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)12:23 No. 346627 ID: e1359e
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>quip a one-liner

"Hey officer, ready for a"

THOCK

"Facelift?"

This is all going according to plan. Let me check my speed dial list...



What was the name of that doctor again?

Karl Ferdinand.

>>346627
Dr. Franklen Stein

>>346627
Fran, sometimes known as Franken Fran, willing to do almost any procedure in the name of furthering scinece. Provided the price is right of course.

>>346650
OH GOD, I hope you've been a saint so far in your life...people who go to her tend to have laser guided karma...

Tory Sinclair?

Animated David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)21:42 No. 346754 ID: e1359e
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"Hello officer."

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)21:45 No. 346755 ID: e1359e
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>>346643
For your information, I'm an anti-Semite.

With me this evening is Dr. Karl Ferdinand. He will be performing the operation. Before I begin, I need a spiteful monologue that will scare the shit out of this police guy but not make me sound insane.

"Hey, you, I'm gonna steal your face".

Pretty fucking terrifying.

Although you could add "Don't worry though, if you ever want to see it, just go to the store and buy some of my beer. Oh wait, you won't be able to see it, because you'll have NO EYES MUH HUHAHAHAHA!!! *background lightning*".

Couldn't you just take pictures of him? You don't need to have a face on your face to put a face on your beer.

>>346758
He still needs to have a face, however, particularly when dealing with those foreign investors who are interested in selling his product abroad. It'll be a a lot harder of sell, if that's a case.

>>346755
Let's go with this'n:

"There are many a man who know pain, Mr. Officer. The pain of a lost love. The pain of poverty. The pain of enduring bloody conflict.

"Yet, these men relied on the comfort of their identity. They could walk to any given mirror and stare at themselves intently, knowing who they truly are."

<This is the part where you get up in his grill>

"I lack this identity, Mr. Officer. There is no comfort for my pain at the end of a weary day, no woman to call my own and most importantly, no face on my... what did you call it? Pisswater?"

"You're about to become the new face the Face-to-Face brewing company."

<To the good doctor> "Throw the switch, Sinclare."

hold on, what it be insanely obvious that you stole his face? i mean your going to be wearing his godam face when the cops start looking into his disappearance (and you can bet your ass they are going to be looking into the disappearance of one of there own)

hold on, wont it be insanely obvious that you stole his face? i mean your going to be wearing his godam face when the cops start looking into his disappearance (and you can bet your ass they are going to be looking into the disappearance of one of there own)

>>346755
*Ahem*

"Good evening officer, you might wonder what you're doing here and why you're restrained. Now don't worry, I shall explain it all. You see having no face is quite the curse, people are assholes to you for something you can't really help and they won't buy your fucking beer because they don't trust a brew without a face on it! But we're going to take care of that, yes we are, do you want to know how? Well you will just have to wait. Doctor, beging the operation!"

Something like that should do it.

>thegooddoctor.jpg
What kind of man sends a machine doctor to kill a girl cut off a face? No, he did not use his hands, he used a tool doctor, but just the same! The good doctor is to blame!

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:30 No. 347120 ID: e1359e
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"Good evening officer, you might be wondering what you're doing here and why you're restrained. Now don't worry, I'll explain it all. Having no face is quite the curse - people are assholes to you for something you can't really help and they won't buy your fucking award-winning beer because they don't trust a brew without a face on it! But that is all going to change this evening.

"You are about to become the new face of the Face to Face Brewing Company."

>"The station's gonna have your ass for this. You're a fucking madman!"

That has a nice ring to it.

"Doctor Ferdinand, let's begin."

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:31 No. 347121 ID: e1359e
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"I'll inform my publicist once this thing's done. Doc, you're a champ."

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:33 No. 347123 ID: e1359e
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...

"Did you hear something? Like, over next to the garbage cans."

>Ferdinand: "Naw Davy, I didn't hear anything. Coulda been a raccoon. Those stupid things are every-"

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:35 No. 347124 ID: e1359e
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CRASH

"HOLY SHIT!"

>"David Face, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND. You, DROP THE KNIFE."

>Ferdinand: "It's called a scalpel."

>"Shut up! You're coming with us."

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:35 No. 347125 ID: e1359e
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[End chapter one.]

I bet it's those fucking Jews.

I still don't get why you can't just draw one on with a marker...

>>347125
You're gonna need a good lawyer, son.

Officer BJ Oak 2011/09/10(Sat)11:27 No. 347294 ID: e1359e
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What the fuck

I was at the bar but I KNOW I didn't drink that much. That is some bullshit if someone rufied my drink.

Feels like I just had a root canal or something.

Where am I? This ain't the station.

>>347294
What's that on your face?

good news bad news time, good news you have a bunch of crazy, annoying, but ultimately very helpful voices in your head. bad news, well dude jacked your face. but hey you know who else fights crime and doesn't have a face? the question, and he's really good at it, so not having a face probably won't hurt your career to much.

Officer BJ Oak 2011/09/10(Sat)14:42 No. 347346 ID: e1359e
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It was that faceless dumbass from the bar!

I AM GOING TO KILL HIM

>>347346
But Mr. Oak, you are now the faceless dumbass. Are you going to kill yourself?

Where's your goddamn clothes?

Ain't karma a bitch.

So what, a raccoon arrested them, then left you there in your briefs without a face? Why didn't you wake up at the station? Something fishy is afoot!

>>347346
Looks like he stole your face or something. Better get out of here and get your copfriends on the case.

>>347346
hey, now that I think about it how are you breathing?

Hey dude, have you ever seen any of those arthouse horror films? Cause your in one.