"and? that is why i asked you to be the new face, imagine everyone drinking a beer with your face on it. and i am sure you know that in blindfolded taste tests my beer was rated very highly. so if you are SURE you don't want to be famous i can find someone else."

Smash.

His.

FACE

>>346193
He's kind of a jerk, but we should turn the other - oh, right. Get up in his face and demand an apology.

Maybe you could re-brand your product "Faceless beer?"

tell him " this is what I think of your beer!"
then piss on him.

>>346193
Some jerk in a bar. Fuck him and don't let his insults get to you. Just keep pouring liqour into him until he can't stand up anymore. You don't really need all that much for that, just have to make sure he downs it quickly.

wait! offer him moolah a lot of it.

David H. Face 2011/09/07(Wed)09:43 No. 346298 ID: e1359e
File 131541379885.jpg - (137.58KB , 800x600 , 10.jpg )

>>346198
>>346290
>>346171
>>346279

I will do BOTH of these things at once by offering him the most overpriced swill that this dive has to offer! He will not be able to resist that!

David H. Face 2011/09/07(Wed)09:44 No. 346299 ID: e1359e
File 131541389273.jpg - (97.53KB , 800x600 , 11.jpg )

Goooooooooooood, gooooooood.

Judging by the amount of Kirby-circles around his face after three rounds I would say that he is SMASHED.

This is tactful work. Now how to I get him out back so I can knock him out?

>>346299

Challenge him to a fight?

>>346299
You don't need to. Just make sure he keeps drinking until he passes out. Then the bartender is likely to throw him out or you can drag him out yourself.

David H. Face 2011/09/07(Wed)21:30 No. 346494 ID: e1359e
File 131545623425.jpg - (171.33KB , 800x600 , 12.jpg )

>"hey bud i think i've had enough beer. i'm TECHNICALLY supposed to be on patrol right now so thanks for the free beer assface"

>>346232
I have already dishonored by father enough by spending my hard-earned money on ORANGE MOUNTAIN RESERVE beer. I would sooner DIE than change the company's name to faceless!

It is now or never with this douchebag police officer. What's it going to be?

>>346494
Ask to follow him, saying that you're curious about his line of work.

Then, when he gets close to a particularly dark alley, proclaim that there's crime in it, just around the corner (you totally saw them!). Of course, when he rounds that corner out of sight, quip a one-liner and knock him out cold.

follow him. secretly.

>>346494
Follow at a distance, possibly give some random thug a bit of cash for going up to his face and spiting in it and then running away into a dark alley. Once there you strike.

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)12:12 No. 346623 ID: e1359e
File 131550912820.jpg - (49.08KB , 800x600 , 13.jpg )

He is stumbling out to his cruiser. God this guy is a shitty cop

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)12:13 No. 346624 ID: e1359e
File 131550922198.jpg - (48.34KB , 800x600 , 14.jpg )

>>346547
I pay someone from the bar to distract him. She obliges gladly, telling him that she loves a man in uniform and wants to see him in the alley in five minutes

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)12:23 No. 346627 ID: e1359e
File 131550982255.jpg - (187.10KB , 800x600 , 15.jpg )

>quip a one-liner

"Hey officer, ready for a"

THOCK

"Facelift?"

This is all going according to plan. Let me check my speed dial list...



What was the name of that doctor again?

Karl Ferdinand.

>>346627
Dr. Franklen Stein

>>346627
Fran, sometimes known as Franken Fran, willing to do almost any procedure in the name of furthering scinece. Provided the price is right of course.

>>346650
OH GOD, I hope you've been a saint so far in your life...people who go to her tend to have laser guided karma...

Tory Sinclair?

Animated David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)21:42 No. 346754 ID: e1359e
File 131554333274.gif - (9.77KB , 413x300 , 16.gif )

"Hello officer."

David H. Face 2011/09/08(Thu)21:45 No. 346755 ID: e1359e
File 131554352346.jpg - (92.51KB , 800x600 , thegooddoctor.jpg )

>>346643
For your information, I'm an anti-Semite.

With me this evening is Dr. Karl Ferdinand. He will be performing the operation. Before I begin, I need a spiteful monologue that will scare the shit out of this police guy but not make me sound insane.

"Hey, you, I'm gonna steal your face".

Pretty fucking terrifying.

Although you could add "Don't worry though, if you ever want to see it, just go to the store and buy some of my beer. Oh wait, you won't be able to see it, because you'll have NO EYES MUH HUHAHAHAHA!!! *background lightning*".

Couldn't you just take pictures of him? You don't need to have a face on your face to put a face on your beer.

>>346758
He still needs to have a face, however, particularly when dealing with those foreign investors who are interested in selling his product abroad. It'll be a a lot harder of sell, if that's a case.

>>346755
Let's go with this'n:

"There are many a man who know pain, Mr. Officer. The pain of a lost love. The pain of poverty. The pain of enduring bloody conflict.

"Yet, these men relied on the comfort of their identity. They could walk to any given mirror and stare at themselves intently, knowing who they truly are."

<This is the part where you get up in his grill>

"I lack this identity, Mr. Officer. There is no comfort for my pain at the end of a weary day, no woman to call my own and most importantly, no face on my... what did you call it? Pisswater?"

"You're about to become the new face the Face-to-Face brewing company."

<To the good doctor> "Throw the switch, Sinclare."

hold on, what it be insanely obvious that you stole his face? i mean your going to be wearing his godam face when the cops start looking into his disappearance (and you can bet your ass they are going to be looking into the disappearance of one of there own)

hold on, wont it be insanely obvious that you stole his face? i mean your going to be wearing his godam face when the cops start looking into his disappearance (and you can bet your ass they are going to be looking into the disappearance of one of there own)

>>346755
*Ahem*

"Good evening officer, you might wonder what you're doing here and why you're restrained. Now don't worry, I shall explain it all. You see having no face is quite the curse, people are assholes to you for something you can't really help and they won't buy your fucking beer because they don't trust a brew without a face on it! But we're going to take care of that, yes we are, do you want to know how? Well you will just have to wait. Doctor, beging the operation!"

Something like that should do it.

>thegooddoctor.jpg
What kind of man sends a machine doctor to kill a girl cut off a face? No, he did not use his hands, he used a tool doctor, but just the same! The good doctor is to blame!

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:30 No. 347120 ID: e1359e
File 131562901378.jpg - (127.58KB , 800x600 , 17.jpg )

"Good evening officer, you might be wondering what you're doing here and why you're restrained. Now don't worry, I'll explain it all. Having no face is quite the curse - people are assholes to you for something you can't really help and they won't buy your fucking award-winning beer because they don't trust a brew without a face on it! But that is all going to change this evening.

"You are about to become the new face of the Face to Face Brewing Company."

>"The station's gonna have your ass for this. You're a fucking madman!"

That has a nice ring to it.

"Doctor Ferdinand, let's begin."

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:31 No. 347121 ID: e1359e
File 131562910265.jpg - (84.85KB , 800x600 , 18.jpg )

"I'll inform my publicist once this thing's done. Doc, you're a champ."

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:33 No. 347123 ID: e1359e
File 131562920359.jpg - (62.08KB , 800x600 , 19.jpg )

...

"Did you hear something? Like, over next to the garbage cans."

>Ferdinand: "Naw Davy, I didn't hear anything. Coulda been a raccoon. Those stupid things are every-"

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:35 No. 347124 ID: e1359e
File 131562932195.jpg - (13.46KB , 800x600 , 20.jpg )

CRASH

"HOLY SHIT!"

>"David Face, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND. You, DROP THE KNIFE."

>Ferdinand: "It's called a scalpel."

>"Shut up! You're coming with us."

David H. Face 2011/09/09(Fri)21:35 No. 347125 ID: e1359e
File 131562935414.jpg - (52.96KB , 800x600 , ch1end.jpg )

[End chapter one.]

I bet it's those fucking Jews.

I still don't get why you can't just draw one on with a marker...

>>347125
You're gonna need a good lawyer, son.

Officer BJ Oak 2011/09/10(Sat)11:27 No. 347294 ID: e1359e
File 131567925448.jpg - (123.31KB , 800x600 , 21.jpg )

What the fuck

I was at the bar but I KNOW I didn't drink that much. That is some bullshit if someone rufied my drink.

Feels like I just had a root canal or something.

Where am I? This ain't the station.

>>347294
What's that on your face?

good news bad news time, good news you have a bunch of crazy, annoying, but ultimately very helpful voices in your head. bad news, well dude jacked your face. but hey you know who else fights crime and doesn't have a face? the question, and he's really good at it, so not having a face probably won't hurt your career to much.

Officer BJ Oak 2011/09/10(Sat)14:42 No. 347346 ID: e1359e
File 131569096486.jpg - (154.03KB , 800x600 , 22.jpg )

It was that faceless dumbass from the bar!

I AM GOING TO KILL HIM

>>347346
But Mr. Oak, you are now the faceless dumbass. Are you going to kill yourself?

Where's your goddamn clothes?

Ain't karma a bitch.

So what, a raccoon arrested them, then left you there in your briefs without a face? Why didn't you wake up at the station? Something fishy is afoot!

>>347346
Looks like he stole your face or something. Better get out of here and get your copfriends on the case.

>>347346
hey, now that I think about it how are you breathing?

Hey dude, have you ever seen any of those arthouse horror films? Cause your in one.