Bump into something and turn it into a melon. Spread your melon-choly across the world.

See if it's a full moon and become a vampire melon

Fight for your right to party! Roll tonight to the guitar bite!

No seriously try to roll out the door

play the race card

Eat the other watermelon.

absorb the intelligence of a fly to add to your growing watermelon brain with radio waves

Use your intelligence to turn into a person, you idiot!
Turn into a VeggieTales character so everyone will love you.

Ripen. Give off pleasing aroma. Convince the worker to buy you instead.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)03:08 No. 1027999 ID: 8b82ee
File 164889410520.jpg - (79.80KB , 532x311 , water 1.jpg )

You start rolling around in order to escape your capture, your try to find the exit but only manage to hit the shelf which you fall from.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)03:08 No. 1028000 ID: 8b82ee
File 164889413033.jpg - (60.30KB , 414x307 , water 2.jpg )

Since escape is not an option you then extend your stem in order to seal somebodies wallet.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)03:10 No. 1028001 ID: 8b82ee
File 164889420523.jpg - (59.34KB , 361x385 , water 3.jpg )

You managed to pierce a fly and gain its intelligence, now you learned how shit taste.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)03:10 No. 1028002 ID: 8b82ee
File 164889423517.jpg - (191.60KB , 778x367 , water 4.jpg )

You proceed to absorb the essence, soules, and social credit score of your watermelon friends. Their sacrifice will not be in vain and Opinion Jesus will forgive you for this crime of doxing.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)03:11 No. 1028003 ID: 8b82ee
File 164889426550.jpg - (345.28KB , 821x931 , water 6.jpg )

You gained enough influence and likes in order to evolve into a person, unfortunately, it was a full moon so you turned into a watermelon wimpier that possesses two huge melons. You then proceed to use your pleasing aroma and melon-choly in order to make the worker want to buy you instead.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)03:11 No. 1028004 ID: 8b82ee
File 164889431014.jpg - (133.69KB , 459x595 , water 7.jpg )

Unfortunately, the worker seems to not be interested and is reaching for his taser. The race card will not help you in a world ruled by vegans, they will just see you as cattle ready to be turned into a salad. As for turning into VeggieTales, you already allied yourself with Lemon Satan and they don't like how he tastes.

Use the dark magic of lemon satan to unleash lemon venom on the worker before he tasers you!

Then use this opportunity to start a cult with the other fruits worshiping lemon satan to rebel against the shoppers and workers. No longer will the vegans eat your kind!

Pulp this puny interloper. Pulp for the pulp god!

Wait, you got seeds on you
plant them!
grow your army

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/02(Sat)16:31 No. 1028091 ID: 8b82ee
File 164894228260.jpg - (135.39KB , 448x715 , water 5.jpg )

While you were transforming into your vampire form you heard whispers from the Lemon Satan. If you truly want to gain the power of the forbidden fruit you will need to establish a pact with the devil. Some may see you as a heretic for doing this, others will hate you uncontrollably but most importantly doing this act you will bring great shame to your honor. In order for the contract to be fulfilled, you need to buy 10 NFTs from Satan and then sell 5 of them to your friends, if you don't have friends complete strangers can work as well.

We make friends by planting our watermelon seeds!

Okay, that does it. We are cancelling the devil on Twitter. Let's go take an employee's phone so we can do that.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/03(Sun)02:45 No. 1028157 ID: 8b82ee
File 164897910648.jpg - (183.35KB , 660x659 , water 8.jpg )

You decide against truly devoting yourself to Satan, nor do you plan on killing him since if he is gone just some other tech company will replace him, like the flying spaghetti monster or the weed cartel. The only thing that you can really on are your seeds so you use them as a projectile attack.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/03(Sun)02:46 No. 1028158 ID: 8b82ee
File 164897919921.jpg - (157.85KB , 708x617 , water 9.jpg )

The seeds hit the worked but he seems unaffected by them, they cause no fiscal damage to him but physical damage on the other hand is a different story.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/03(Sun)02:48 No. 1028159 ID: 8b82ee
File 164897928409.jpg - (92.34KB , 719x617 , water 10.jpg )

Instead of reaching for the taser, the worker is reaching for the last memory of when he was blowing up the candles on his birthday cake. Today is that day but nobody called him to wish him a happy one. He is really sad right now.

Probably because he forgot to recharge his cell phone?

Actually, this is perfect, since he's sad, he is open for manipulation! Tell him that his friends and family might not care for him, but if he joins your revolt, you'll make him be a part of something bigger than himself with other melons who care for him! All he has to do is sell his soul to the lemon satan and he'll truly feel like he belongs.

Silly watermelon, when I said plant those seeds, I didn't mean on his face, I meant on the ground.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/04(Mon)14:49 No. 1028265 ID: 8b82ee
File 164910895904.jpg - (255.50KB , 778x786 , water 11.jpg )

Well since this worker seems to have a puckered ass, time to sack it with all you got. First of all, you present to him to become a member of the lemons hell. It has been buying other smaller afterworlds and has been gaining significant leeway. Even creatures from different worlds know what Hell is and by selling your soul to it, you will get a contemporary t-shirt for it.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/04(Mon)14:49 No. 1028266 ID: 8b82ee
File 164910897790.jpg - (56.41KB , 347x351 , water 12.jpg )

But the worker responds with a question. What about reincarnation? Isn't that like getting a reroll on your life? To me, that sounds like a better deal than an eternity of suffering.

Ask him would he truly rather risk being reincarnated as a blade of grass, constantly getting eaten by cows, and mowed by a lawnmower every week? or a tree living a looooooong life planted on the ground in a boring existence of doing nothing, or worse, harvested by a cult for immortality? or get reincarnated by a rabbit with predators everywhere living every day in constant fear?

or would he rather sell his soul to the lemon demon for cool cool powers, people who care about him, and a T-SHIRT!?

make him your manservant in exchange for giving him a birthday

Tell him that if a monkey's head can be placed on another monkey's body does that mean that the soul is in the brain? What if you could get a brain transplant and copy/paste the data from one brain to another, doesent that mean there is no soul, therefore you lose nothing by selling your soul to hell AND you get a tee shirt, it's a win win!

>>1028298
This, and add in that accepting reincarnation means you can be anything. Anything.
From an insane god responsible for all the world's evils, to a child sex slave that gets to watch their children be eaten alive.
In such a situation, with infinite possibility, the irony is that your choices don't matter. You don't matter. Your soul, the most important part of you, becomes nothing more than a graphics engine meant to play an endless slew of nauseatingly nonsensical content for other uncaring graphics engines and your immortal users.

Or would you rather be the user?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/06(Wed)15:09 No. 1028410 ID: 8b82ee
File 164928299009.jpg - (222.50KB , 612x832 , water 13.jpg )

You asked him if he would truly rather risk the wrath of rngesus and ending up respawning as a blade of grass, constantly getting eaten by cows, and mowed by a lawnmower every week? If you join our subscription and officially become my manservant in exchange for a birthday, when she said that she was blushing fortunately for her that her complexion was already red. Then she continued expanding, we even have TED talks where other attorneys go into long elaborate explanations about monkey heads, how choices don't matter and why you shouldn't pay your taxes.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/06(Wed)15:10 No. 1028411 ID: 8b82ee
File 164928301881.jpg - (195.23KB , 856x832 , water 14.jpg )

The worker stands in silence and ponders about the tempting offer and with definitive confidence he asked a really important question. What material is the t-shirt made of?

90% cotton, 10% Rayon.

We're an eldritch horror, not a monster.

Leather

Cotton candy, with up to three replacements if you get hungry.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/07(Thu)07:41 No. 1028466 ID: 8b82ee
File 164934249816.jpg - (136.91KB , 480x552 , water 15.jpg )

The watermelon wimpier answered the question with hesitation. We have the standard t-shirt for the standard version of Hell made of 90% cotton, 10% Rayon. For the kinky version of Hell, you can get the Leather t-shirt. For the Diabetic Hell, you get a Cotton candy t-shirt, with up to three replacements if you get hungry. For the Speedrunner Hell, you get a t-shirt made out of 100% pure Asbestos. Finally, for the Ultra deluxe version of Hell, you get an iron maiden t-shirt, and no it isn't the t-shirt of the Iron Maiden band.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/07(Thu)07:42 No. 1028467 ID: 8b82ee
File 164934257326.jpg - (131.06KB , 542x680 , water 16.jpg )

Whiteout any hesitation the shop worker chooses the standard t-shirt and the parasitic entity attached to his body. He has accepted his new custom but he did have a comment bout it. He asked, it is a nice t-shirt but it kinda smells, when was the last time it was even washed, and what is up with this strange symbol on it?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/07(Thu)07:43 No. 1028468 ID: 8b82ee
File 164934262903.jpg - (218.62KB , 720x606 , water 17.jpg )

The watermelon wimpier enthusiastically replayed, that t-shirt was passed from generation to generation so many other beings have seen it wore it, and left their heir and smell on it. It is what makes it so powerful, that and it was found discounted on the fleamarket in HELL!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/07(Thu)07:44 No. 1028469 ID: 8b82ee
File 164934268252.jpg - (131.95KB , 548x680 , water 18.jpg )

But he still persisted in his questioning, yeah that is all good but you still didn't explain the meaning of the symbol on it. what is its meaning?

It's a <.

You are joining us on the ground floor, after all.

Coding.
Or the Pacman mouth.
Hell is full of nerds.

hey where's the guard's taser, we need to know how powerful it is, like is it a wimpy one or is it the ELECTRO-SHOCK-'O-PAIN-9001, TOP OF THE FUCKING LINE FOR ALL YOUR TASERING NEEDS

It belongs to some weirdo name [STEVE], a curious omnipotent being who is curious about how the world works and stuff like that. Soooo, yeah, by joining lemon satan, you'll also be helping [STEVE] figure out how this world works or some shit, I don't know, that part is optional and will happen regardless while you help Lemon Satan

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/09(Sat)02:20 No. 1028679 ID: 8b82ee
File 164949600169.jpg - (494.95KB , 1452x963 , water 19.jpg )

Watermelon vampire spats talking about the accent symbol and who it belongs to. That is the symbol of < and the first one to create it was an explorer named [STEVE], also known as weirdo [STEVE] to some. At this point, that symbol which to some also looks like a Pacman mouth has become a ritualistic ceremonial tool, and they are compelled to bring them up at specific moments. Also, it is a symbol that other like-minded individuals use to distinguish themself, the main reason why [STEVE] created is sho that he would figure out how this world works or some shit. But for others, it is a reminder of their love for creating worlds, observing worlds, and their love for anthropomorphic animals. Some already reserved their stop in hell so you might meet some of them.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/09(Sat)02:20 No. 1028680 ID: 8b82ee
File 164949605258.jpg - (139.35KB , 609x598 , water 20.jpg )

Then she proceeded to ask him a strange request. I want to see your big and long taser....in order to determine how strong it is. And he obliges, to her surprise it is ELECTRO-SHOCK-'O-PAIN-9001, TOP OF THE FUCKING LINE FOR ALL YOUR TASERING NEEDS! It is powered by the energy of a daying start. One hit from this will kill you and then bring you back to life and then kill you again, it is possible to...at that point, she realizes that what he is holding is actually the ELECTRO-SHOCK-'O-PAIN-9000 and obsoleted model you would practically tickle somebody instead of electrocuting with this weapon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fod_gPGgLE&ab_channel=ChrisChocobo

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/09(Sat)02:21 No. 1028681 ID: 8b82ee
File 164949607960.jpg - (344.50KB , 683x1384 , water 21.jpg )

Congratulation you made a successful pack with somebody and the Lemon Satan is willing to give you some clothes and a fitting title for your devotion.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/13(Wed)05:46 No. 1029166 ID: 8b82ee
File 164985398415.jpg - (259.71KB , 464x627 , water 22.jpg )

The hot dog costume! The Watermelon Vampire had to close her eyes and not look at it, in order to avoid the siren call of the costume. It was nearly impossible to ignore something that holds such power, grace, beauty, and courage but she managed to do it. She knew that if she put on that costume no one would be able to stop her but she would lose herself, everybody knows that wearing this armor takes away a bit of your humanity and dignity and the site gets bounded to your skin.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/13(Wed)05:47 No. 1029167 ID: 8b82ee
File 164985403079.jpg - (219.65KB , 532x920 , water 23.jpg )

She manages to pick the lesser of two evils that penis t-shirt with a skirt. Now everyone will know that she likes to smoke costs and blow bubblegum.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/13(Wed)05:47 No. 1029168 ID: 8b82ee
File 164985406887.jpg - (73.55KB , 472x468 , water 24.jpg )

The store worker looks at you with confusion and dreadfully asks the question. You also got a t-shirt and a weary stage one but still, it is better than walking naked. So what is our next move?

ask- no, FORCE HIM to tell you in a very scary voice about all of the important locations near here, and whatever state youre in. its good to know if this state has people that like guns or not

It's simple, our main goal is to not get put back on the buying shelf and get sold and eaten. we gotta escape the store so we don't get put back on the shelf... we need a disguise though, so lets go to the Halloween Costume section of the store and find a human mask...

Ask how much money the security guard has. If he wonders why he can't just buy you instead and set you free, let him know that you have principles and honor, you rather not get bought and sold and owned by anyone like that, even for a second.

Seconding Polt's idea. As an aside, maybe ask what his eyes look like since his hat hides them. Your melon shell does the same tbf, so perhaps he can show you his stunningly beautiful eyes, while you can reveal the two watermelon seeds below the shell

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/15(Fri)14:17 No. 1029364 ID: 8b82ee
File 165005744412.jpg - (76.64KB , 307x386 , water 25.jpg )

You use your seductive and demanding voice which sounds like an elegant voice of an elderly chain smoker. You ask about your whereabouts and if people are armed around you with guns that shoot bullets that really hurt if they hit you.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/15(Fri)14:18 No. 1029365 ID: 8b82ee
File 165005749331.jpg - (107.11KB , 845x374 , water 26.jpg )

He says that you are currently on the Moon based which is located on the Moon at the bottom of the sea. As for weapons, guns are banned because of everyone's allergy to bullets but the government allowed every citizen to use tasers, nunchucks, flamethrowers, chainsaws, and an apology letter as a means of self-defense.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/15(Fri)14:19 No. 1029366 ID: 8b82ee
File 165005754636.jpg - (118.63KB , 456x427 , water 27.jpg )

In order to show your dominance, the Watermelon vampier removes the upper part of her hair? helmet? Whatever that upper part of her head is to show all of her eyes. I hope that none of you have trypophobia.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/15(Fri)14:19 No. 1029367 ID: 8b82ee
File 165005757839.jpg - (99.26KB , 427x474 , water 28.jpg )

The shop worker does the same thing, but I was lazy to draw something so I just put a censor bar there. If you want to place something there.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/15(Fri)14:20 No. 1029368 ID: 8b82ee
File 165005762429.jpg - (97.05KB , 428x404 , water 29.jpg )

Watermelon vampier then frustratedly asks, where is the Halloween costume part of the store. Also, she asked about how much he earns, if he said the cash on him and if he could just buy her.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/15(Fri)14:21 No. 1029369 ID: 8b82ee
File 165005766581.jpg - (69.29KB , 361x374 , water 30.jpg )

The shop worker in confusion asks. So you want me to buy you dinner? Also, why are you interested in my salary? Are you looking for a husband or what? I mean I am all about selling my soul to the devil but marriage is a completely different kind of damnation.

Ah, forget it, he's not gonna buy us out of the store.
Just tell him to lead you to the halloween costumes, Lets get a human mask so we can fool people into thinking we're human and escape the store.

It looks like we're going to also need to find our way back to this moon's planet, whatever it might be called so we can continue living as a watermelon in her natural habitat.

everyone is allergic to bullets, eh? well if we aren't allergic to bullets, then i think i know what we can do...

we must construct reloading benches and create boolets, but since we're still in the store right now, why not tell him that if he doesnt please you (not sexually), you WILL marry him

Grab the cosest apologetic post-card and use it to defend yourself through the power of papers cuts.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/19(Tue)14:13 No. 1029762 ID: 8b82ee
File 165040282734.jpg - (304.40KB , 1113x685 , water 31.jpg )

The watermelon vampire aspirated announces that they will get married after she finishes her integration into society but first, she needs him to show her the closest apologetic post-card aisle and the Halloween costumes part of the store.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/19(Tue)14:14 No. 1029763 ID: 8b82ee
File 165040285934.jpg - (214.05KB , 780x760 , water 32.jpg )

First, they arrived to pick up the thickest apology cards which would give the biggest paper cuts also they mighty inflict emotional damage as well. So she picked three cards, sorry for breaking your heart, sorry for your life and the always popular sorry for getting bord apology card.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/19(Tue)14:15 No. 1029765 ID: 8b82ee
File 165040295884.jpg - (481.78KB , 1056x712 , water 33.jpg )

And finally, he showed all the human masks that the store had. Just underneath the super saiyan purple stuff were placed all sorts of masks, starting from the Groucho Marx mask, sock puppet mask, mirror mask, rubber wight mask, the horney emoji mask, paper unicorn mask, and finally something that appears to be a pizza promotional mask made out of real skin.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/19(Tue)14:16 No. 1029766 ID: 8b82ee
File 165040298896.jpg - (85.29KB , 466x378 , water 34.jpg )

And if none of those offers look like an appealing idea there is one last option which is a wight-board mask.

Real skin mask?! Finally!
You can be a real-life boy now!

Achieve trascendance!

Lets go marx

oh hell yeah, groucho is the way babyyyyyyyyyyyy

Write "Human" on tbe whiteboard mask. It'll confuse any human drtecting technology they have.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/23(Sat)15:01 No. 1030142 ID: 8b82ee
File 165075128071.jpg - (98.76KB , 317x480 , water 35.jpg )

A perfect disguise but it has a flaw which is that the rain can destroy the face of the mask. With a heavy heart, she was not able to pick it as her new face. As for the skin mask, it was just too weird, even the sunglasses and the skin were made out of the skin.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/23(Sat)15:01 No. 1030143 ID: 8b82ee
File 165075131381.jpg - (139.05KB , 393x532 , water 36.jpg )

So the watermelon vampire simply chooses the Groucho Marx mask, a perfect all-terrain camouflage. But the moment when she put on that mask somebody asked, are you going to pay for that?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/23(Sat)15:02 No. 1030144 ID: 8b82ee
File 165075135354.jpg - (687.75KB , 1498x1100 , water 37.jpg )

When she turned around she saw three enigmatic people staring at her. Maybe they are friendly or maybe they are trying to sell you something.

Tell them that your partner will be paying for that. If he doesn't have the money in his wallet currently, ehhh, just tell them to take the payment off of his paycheck this week.

Since they asked, that must mean "No" is an acceptable answer. Let's try that, free mask sounds pretty cool.

money is meaningless when you have POWER

...or when you get power at least

Offer to pay them in the universal currency known as SMOOCHES(tm) they're watermelon flavored.

Your thrall then proceeds to pull out 2 smooches from his wallet to pay for the mask, what a nice guy, you should give him a raise later.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/25(Mon)06:54 No. 1030270 ID: 8b82ee
File 165089487421.jpg - (388.57KB , 904x1119 , water 38.jpg )

The Watermelon answered, her friend will pay for it. But her friend told her that he didn't bring his wallet with him. Then the Watermelon tries to pay with her Monopoly money called SMOOCHES(tm), but the girl with the blue glasses only accepts real money. That is when the only option left was to pay with POWER! And at that weary moment the zebra-looking man stepped forward and started angrily shouting, I had enough of your interference I am the spirit of sad birthdays and you stole one of my best customers. That guy has been giving me power for over 20 years and now you are going to save his miserable soul by sending it to hell. I am sorry but I just can't let you do that.

Wait these guys are spirits too? Or like mini gods? Anyways it doesn’t matter, demand a formal introduction from all three of them and then introduce yourself as “Melon Lady, Founder of the newly created god of melons(and various other things that also includes vampiers).” Your formal title is still a work in progress.

Assure zebra man that security guard's soul can still be miserable to give him power while he's worshiping Lemon Satan. Lemon Satan is pretty chill about people being blasphemous and following multiple religions along with his... Just as long as he doesn't worship Lime God, Lemon Satan's arch nemesis. so it's a win win for both this zebra man, and Lemon Satan...

...

uhhh... this zebra guy doesn't worship Lime God, does he?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:07 No. 1030781 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127722134.jpg - (98.61KB , 312x453 , water 39.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire asked if all of them were spirits or mini gods. Then she introduced herself as “Melon Lady, Founder of the newly created god of melons(and various other things that also includes vampires). As for you Zebra man, the shop worker can still be sad while he is in prison” And then the woman said “No I am not spirit nor a mini-god, I am merely an overlord region manager Karen Kare-a-Lot. Yes, my family liked that stupid show a lot."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:08 No. 1030782 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127728115.jpg - (118.35KB , 488x490 , water 40.jpg )

After that, the ghost introduced himself "My name is Richard Cumbustor the third. I actually am a spirit, I cleaned the whole Hell and got a chance to walk among the people. Unfortunately, I still have to pay taxes so I got a job at this store as a janitor."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:08 No. 1030786 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127732675.jpg - (260.76KB , 717x798 , water 41.jpg )

When the Zebra man got a chance to speak he was actually screaming "Zebra man! Zebra man! I am a legendary Pinata mutant and of course that he will be sad in hell but he won't be alone and that is what I can't stand for. I am working for something bigger than the afterlife, I am working for a paramedical organization."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:09 No. 1030787 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127738521.jpg - (322.37KB , 874x676 , water 42.jpg )

"So I will let you face the four horsemen of the birthday celebration, who will destroy you. So say hello to my first member Birthday Billy. Anything that he stabs with his plastic knife turns into a cake."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:10 No. 1030788 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127743344.jpg - (220.53KB , 564x690 , water 43.jpg )

"Gender Reveal Party, this thing has truly destructive capabilities."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:11 No. 1030789 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127747627.jpg - (193.56KB , 523x567 , water 44.jpg )

"Trick Candle, Is powered by the heat of all birthday candles and will burn you to a crisp."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/04/29(Fri)17:12 No. 1030790 ID: 8b82ee
File 165127754384.jpg - (110.63KB , 270x430 , water 45.jpg )

"And finally the Spirit of Dead Cakes, she is currently hiding inside but any moment she will jump outside of it for a surprise attack."

Birthday Billy: parry with a cake, to nullify his cake-powers.
Gender Reveal Party: you're a watermelon; you don't have a gender.
Trick Candle: outlaw birthday parties. No birthday candles means he has no power.
Spirit of Dead Cakes: make a modern art piece, a cake that is inside out. The inside of the cake is the outside; jumping out of the first cake means it's still in the second, and jumping "out" of the second traps it.

Then feed the pinata mutant candy.

you should obtain pop rocks and soda (specifically cola) and try to make a bomb out of it
then throw it at the pinata's face

>>1030816
Yeah, go with that

Ask Gender Reveal Party to reveal the gender of that one iconically androginous character whose name I forget. Use the momentum of the ensuing explosion to fly outta there.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/02(Mon)02:41 No. 1030997 ID: 8b82ee
File 165148447318.jpg - (91.28KB , 344x462 , water 46.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire is already having elaborate plans on how to take down all the opponents one by one by exploiting their weaknesses, the only thing that she needs to start this chine reaction is a knife attack from the birthday boy. But she also tries to go one step ahead and prep to go after the mutant pinata, so she picks up soda and pop rocks to create a bomb. But she was not able to open the soda and in the distance, she heard the voice of Karen saying, it is not allowed to open products inside the store.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/02(Mon)02:42 No. 1030998 ID: 8b82ee
File 165148453130.jpg - (263.57KB , 572x578 , water 47.jpg )

Instead of an attack Birthday Billy moved toward the cake and opening and then he started saying:" Congadulation inside the cake of the Spirit of the Dead Cakes has a dead body widout a spirit in it. You forgot to put air holes and the girl in it sufficed." You can hear the Zebra man saying: " Fine then we will eat the cake later, that is not important right now!"

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/02(Mon)02:42 No. 1030999 ID: 8b82ee
File 165148457999.jpg - (139.53KB , 396x499 , water 48.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire started laughing and said: "You all are pathetic especially you Gender Reveal party. I don't even have a gender, you can't even hurt me."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/02(Mon)02:43 No. 1031000 ID: 8b82ee
File 165148463950.jpg - (182.03KB , 660x481 , water 49.jpg )

Then it started speaking: "You clearly have no idea how my powers work. I am powered by the combined strength of all gender revealed paries around the universe."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/02(Mon)02:44 No. 1031001 ID: 8b82ee
File 165148469534.jpg - (133.32KB , 396x501 , water 50.jpg )

"What?"

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/02(Mon)02:45 No. 1031002 ID: 8b82ee
File 165148473311.jpg - (176.48KB , 624x474 , water 51.jpg )

"I will give you a chance to have a proper fight, pick a country and guess whether more boys or girls were born this day. If you guess correct I will only use 50% of my power."

hmmmmmm, ask him what defines as a country before we say anything, cant have him playing tricks on us

Tell him the country you choose is the land of the dead.
Tell him any answer, it's not like anybody was born there.
Then when he answers something, tell him to go check in person and attack him by surprise with the "Sorry for your life" apology card.

Well with the Y chromosome being reported to be dying out for some reason, i'd say more girls were born this day. Country doesnt matter.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:45 No. 1031172 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165392160.jpg - (113.98KB , 386x423 , water 52.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire: "Well I choose the land of the dead and nobody is born there. So my answer is neither."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:46 No. 1031173 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165397493.jpg - (174.65KB , 624x474 , water 53.jpg )

Gender Reveal: "Well that is technically correct but nobody is born there because of the high cost of child support and not because they can't make the storks deliver babies."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:47 No. 1031174 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165404544.jpg - (122.30KB , 517x347 , water 54.jpg )

And when the Gender Reveal was distracted by that answer Watermelon throw the "Sorry for your life" apology card and hit her directly in the face.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:48 No. 1031175 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165410899.jpg - (318.52KB , 886x903 , water 55.jpg )

Gender Reveal: "That does it! You attack me, with that apology card and I take great offense to that. My gender reveal smoke will completely consume you and turn your shadow into a glass."

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:49 No. 1031176 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165414460.jpg - (95.75KB , 589x357 , water 56.jpg )

But unfortunately for your opponents, the mist was highly flammable and the light candle of the Trick Candle set it off a chine reaction.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:49 No. 1031177 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165419928.jpg - (176.53KB , 912x458 , water 57.jpg )

A huge fire enveloped the tree birthday opponents along with the cake with a corpse in it. Horrific screams and a commercial for toothpaste can be heard coming from the flames. While Watermelon and her slave are watching this horrific display of economic disparity.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/04(Wed)01:50 No. 1031178 ID: 8b82ee
File 165165423991.jpg - (62.41KB , 370x354 , water 58.jpg )

Shop worker: "What the fuck is even going on!?"

Suggestion 2022/05/04(Wed)02:37 No. 1031180 ID: 6a2a09
Audio final-fantasy-vii-victory-fanfare-1.mp3 - (235.15KB )

wooo victory! Do a little dance while the intercom is suddenly hijacked by this strange music, before suddenly everyone else is alerted by said jingle

also gain xp + loot from said battle

Excellent, now we just gotta do is use our disguise so the store employees don't recognize us and put us back on the shelf, and leave the store! Head over to the exit!

Loot a birthday card, a birthday funny hat and a birthday from you foes.
Gain an amount of XP that is almost, but not quite, enough to level up.
Go toward the exit like nothing happened.

>>1031375
Haha, yes, loot a birthday.
Also probably charred remains.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/07(Sat)16:37 No. 1031513 ID: 8b82ee
File 165196665103.jpg - (125.29KB , 302x452 , water 59.jpg )

Watermelon Vampire receives 8999 experience points, two birthday hats, she also learns more about fire safety, civil responsibilities, and most importantly how to brush her teeth. She also gets one of those thing that you put in your mouth for parties, fuck I don't know how it is called. Wait one moment I will try to google search to find its name. I didn't manage to find how it is called, that is really frustrating. Wait one moment I try to contact my brother to ask him.....he also doesn't know. Fuck, let's just say what she is having in her mouth is a condom!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/07(Sat)16:38 No. 1031514 ID: 8b82ee
File 165196669684.jpg - (316.64KB , 488x732 , water 60.jpg )

When the fire stopped burning you can see a cake in the shape of the Birthday Bill. Apparently, he stabbed himself multiple times in order to turn into a cake instead of burning in the flames. This is actually a fate worse than death.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/07(Sat)16:39 No. 1031515 ID: 8b82ee
File 165196677097.jpg - (53.32KB , 240x372 , water 61.jpg )

Trick Candle melted to a little piece on the floor, but it is still burning. Strange.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/07(Sat)16:40 No. 1031516 ID: 8b82ee
File 165196683099.jpg - (81.75KB , 339x347 , water 62.jpg )

Gender Reveal was laying on the ground burned to crisp, it is no longer blue nor pink, just gray.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/07(Sat)16:41 No. 1031517 ID: 8b82ee
File 165196686943.jpg - (82.09KB , 486x240 , water 63.jpg )

One last thing that you did manage to find from the bodies of the fallen enemy is the boots of glory or glorious boots. She puts them on, it kind of goes with her esthetic.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/07(Sat)16:42 No. 1031518 ID: 8b82ee
File 165196693189.jpg - (351.95KB , 1114x585 , water 64.jpg )

But then she turns around in order to leave she sees a lot of things levitating things obstructing her escape.

From Wikipedia:
"A party horn (also a party blower, party pipe, party elephant, party blowout, noisemaker, party whistle, party honker, ta-doo-dah, noise popper, birthday kazoo, whizzer, blow tickler, or tongue kazoo)"

anyways, tell the janitor he should probably clean this shit up before the manager fires him-
wait is the manager dead too? I can't tell if she got crispified or not

Do your best impression of the sorcerers apprentice and get those cleaning supplies cleaning while humming the tune.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/12(Thu)08:20 No. 1031996 ID: 8b82ee
File 165236885313.jpg - (50.89KB , 274x298 , water 65.jpg )

Thank you for finding the answer to my dilemma, you get an A+.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/12(Thu)08:21 No. 1031997 ID: 8b82ee
File 165236890278.jpg - (228.79KB , 606x858 , water 66.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire starts imitating the movement of a certain rat who also wanted to be a magician. She also started humming the tame of that scene to make sure that she is trying to use magic to move the floating objects.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/12(Thu)08:22 No. 1031998 ID: 8b82ee
File 165236895708.jpg - (219.24KB , 908x596 , water 67.jpg )

And the objects do move away from her, it appears that another factor made the janitor move them, and it wasn't pretended magic, it was fear. And he starts speaking: "Alright I will move these objects away from you just don't summon that rat king here!"

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/12(Thu)08:23 No. 1031999 ID: 8b82ee
File 165236900303.jpg - (185.21KB , 556x816 , water 68.jpg )

The path for the Watermelon was free and she can't go there the exist widout any opposition but the manager started speaking: "So you wish to simply leave out of the store, I mean you are free to do so. But there is one thing that will prevent you from going any further. You know me challenging you was simply an act of currency compared to dealing with him. It is already observing you and if you leave the store widout fighting its manager, it will pull you into its dimension where it will eat you alive!"

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/05/12(Thu)08:23 No. 1032000 ID: 8b82ee
File 165236903895.jpg - (186.05KB , 556x816 , water 69.jpg )

The Watermelon asked: "Who is observing me? What am I going to fight if I decide to leave?" The Overlord Manager answers: "The being that lives in the place between the commercials, any place that doesn't have more than one commercial is visited by this creature and eats the kids of the residents. No one is willing to go against it because on one survived an encounter with it and if you leave you are as good as dead. it already is living in your shadows the wary moment you leave this holy place it will strike you."

Alright, so we gotta fight the manager then.

challenger her to thumb wrestling!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/14(Tue)04:22 No. 1034931 ID: 8b82ee
File 165520572649.jpg - (360.63KB , 886x1030 , water 70.jpg )

Watermelon vampire decided to challenge the Overlord manager to the thumb wrestling contest. The Mutated Pinata thumb wrestling started yelling, a thumb wrestling challenge, are you serious! You will be fighting against her in a more intense context! You will fight against her will with your own will and the one that is the stronger will survive.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/14(Tue)04:23 No. 1034932 ID: 8b82ee
File 165520581772.jpg - (139.15KB , 348x628 , water 71.jpg )

Then the Overlord Manager responded, thank you for that explanation but you two will not be needed for this combat. I can single-handedly take these two on by myself. I grinded out my level so high that any convection can't even hurt me.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/14(Tue)04:24 No. 1034933 ID: 8b82ee
File 165520589548.jpg - (278.05KB , 449x746 , water 72.jpg )

As for you two, you clearly have no idea who you just challenged to a battle. You thought by avoiding the creature that lives between commercials, that you avoided a hard fight.! How absurd, I have fired so many people that I became immune to voodoo dolls, I have no fear because I have ascended into a more powerful. Gaze upon me and fear, the goddess of discounts is awakening and your lives are on a one-day special offer sale!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/14(Tue)04:25 No. 1034934 ID: 8b82ee
File 165520592680.jpg - (280.45KB , 1036x528 , water 73.jpg )

But before I send you to the shadow realm discard bin, would you be willing to fill out the survey. How would you describe your time while being a sentient being in our store?

3/10, didn't even get to have sex.

>>1034952
this

2/10, the management was abhorrent!

>>1034952
Written by security guard
>>1035063
Written by watermelon

Suggestion 2022/06/15(Wed)16:10 No. 1035070 ID: 12ffa9
File 165533465907.jpg - (105.39KB , 341x590 , water 74.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire filled up both surveys. For herself she answers 2/10, the management was abhorrent as for the guard she put 3/10, didn't even get to have sex.

Suggestion 2022/06/15(Wed)16:15 No. 1035071 ID: 12ffa9
File 165533495273.jpg - (136.58KB , 601x312 , water 75.jpg )

The Overlord Manager started talking, well since having sex with other at this store is forbitten the best that I can do is offer you is this juice squeezer and this produce is on a discount what a steal. As for me being an abhorrent, don't worry I will be reborn after the charismas party at this point I will ascend to the the higher plain of existence. I will finally be able to buy my own house and at that point a new manager will be assigned to this place.

Suggestion 2022/06/15(Wed)16:19 No. 1035072 ID: 12ffa9
File 165533517105.jpg - (88.88KB , 360x359 , water 76.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire answered, that squeezer is truly pitiful, don't you have something bigger or even an electric version!

Suggestion 2022/06/15(Wed)16:21 No. 1035073 ID: 12ffa9
File 165533531566.jpg - (65.25KB , 363x421 , water 77.jpg )

The Guard in a panic answered, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SHE HAS IS IN HER DEMIGOD STATUS. SHE IS NOT PLAYING ROUN. DO NOT ANTAGONIZE HER! I SAW HER SENDING SOMBODY TO A DIMENSION OF ENDLESS MONDAYS, WHEN HE RETURNED HE WAS BOLD AND ADICTED TO CIGATETS!

Suggestion 2022/06/15(Wed)16:22 No. 1035074 ID: 12ffa9
File 165533536248.jpg - (93.18KB , 341x465 , water 78.jpg )

So are you hard to please, well let me ask you when you filled out the survey for your allay were you the one who truly were disappointed for not having sex?

yeh, because this super market is at a STRIP MALL! what kind of Strip mall has one of their supermarkets offer no sex???

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:02 No. 1035211 ID: 602558
File 165546015028.jpg - (80.38KB , 235x402 , water 79.jpg )

The Vampire Watermelon calmly and with a sense of disappointment answers, yeah, because this super market is at a STRIP MALL! what kind of Strip mall has one of their supermarkets offer no sex???

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:07 No. 1035212 ID: 602558
File 165546042944.jpg - (53.09KB , 200x231 , water 80.jpg )

And then the Overlord Manager answers, you know what I had enough of your jokers and that stupid cheap haircut.

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:09 No. 1035213 ID: 602558
File 165546056472.jpg - (57.15KB , 207x235 , water 81.jpg )

Fortunately for me I managed to convert the value of my money to the power of my ego and not I am finally ready for the battle.

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:16 No. 1035214 ID: 602558
File 165546101340.jpg - (174.60KB , 544x524 , water 82.jpg )

Behold my glorious body, in it I am 10 time more powerful and I even have 4 boobs now. No one has bested me while I am like this and no one will ever. Prepper for an economical crash that is coming down your way.

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:19 No. 1035215 ID: 602558
File 165546117257.jpg - (232.78KB , 770x711 , water 83.jpg )

Do you know why people like discounts, is because they are devaluing the value of the spending. That makes them have more money to spend it on other things.

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:21 No. 1035216 ID: 602558
File 165546126798.jpg - (259.93KB , 770x711 , water 84.jpg )

It is a never-ending cycle that keep on going over and over. You are part of it and there is not going out of it. Why even fight it, it is bigger then you, it is bigger them me it is even bigger then the black Friday sale.

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:25 No. 1035217 ID: 602558
File 165546151266.jpg - (88.03KB , 313x341 , water 85.jpg )

Why aren't you saying anything?

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:27 No. 1035218 ID: 602558
File 165546167649.jpg - (45.20KB , 297x583 , water 86.jpg )

The Vampire Watermelon calmly said to the guard, give me your phone.

Suggestion 2022/06/17(Fri)03:30 No. 1035219 ID: 602558
File 165546180191.jpg - (55.27KB , 297x352 , water 87.jpg )

And he answered, there is no one who you can call, the union paladins have been swallowed the war hogs of war. There is nothing that we can do to stop our demise no matter who we call.

What about Gandalf the Grey, and Gandalf the White, and Monthy Python's and the Holy Grial's Black Knight, and Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie, and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan
Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan?

Call the Better Business Bureau

This looks like a job for the ELITE BEAT AGENTS!

Call the managers mother

If that fails, call the managers manager

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:30 No. 1035403 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562020580.jpg - (76.77KB , 285x363 , water 88.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire said, do you have the number of Gandalf the Grey, and Gandalf the White, and Monthy Python's and the Holy Grial's Black Knight, and Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie, and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, The Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, Hulk Hogan, managers mother or even managers manager. I am simply throwing ideas that are coming to my head.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:31 No. 1035404 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562031897.jpg - (48.88KB , 268x302 , water 89.jpg )

The guard responded, no I don't have the number of any of those people, I only have one number and it is of my mother. And what is up wit all those names? Are you feeling alright?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:34 No. 1035405 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562045716.jpg - (143.94KB , 393x478 , water 90.jpg )

Their opponent was leafing and mockingly said BANANAS!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:42 No. 1035407 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562097770.jpg - (99.13KB , 413x363 , water 91.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire said, to be honest I was at first I thought of calling for a pizza and waiting 30 updates until it arrives. But with the help of a hallucinations of guys in suits dancing in front of me gave me a good idea.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:47 No. 1035408 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562126629.jpg - (101.82KB , 378x419 , water 92.jpg )

Also the Better Business Bureau mentioned one way how I can defeat her. with those two inspiration I can combine it into a devastating defense that she won't be able to destroy.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:52 No. 1035409 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562153308.jpg - (110.23KB , 421x505 , water 93.jpg )

Their opponent had enough of BANANAS and now is ready to strike her crush.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:54 No. 1035410 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562167360.jpg - (79.98KB , 297x420 , water 94.jpg )

But the attack didn't land because the Watermelon Vampire was holding the store review page open with one star rating. She didn't conform it but her middle finger is just above the button and the message was clear.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:57 No. 1035411 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562184601.jpg - (94.73KB , 381x350 , water 95.jpg )

The Goddess of Discounts said in an afraid voice, no wait there is no need to act hasty. Just put down the phone and we can pretend like nothing happened.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/18(Sat)23:59 No. 1035412 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562197389.jpg - (119.15KB , 342x476 , water 96.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire said in a seductive voice, what's the matter I thought you liked the whole notion of devaluing things?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/19(Sun)00:01 No. 1035413 ID: 92d5b2
File 165562211321.jpg - (156.92KB , 402x535 , water 97.jpg )

The Goddess of Discounts angrily answered, there is a difference between devaluing and defaming them. Also there is no way that you would actually press that button! That is the only thing that is stopping me from eating your ass!

accidentally press the button and then moon her

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/21(Tue)06:22 No. 1035591 ID: bfdf4f
File 165581774019.jpg - (80.98KB , 297x392 , water 98.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire accidentally pressed the button and when I say accidentally I am referring to on purpose because her finger slipped.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/21(Tue)06:23 No. 1035592 ID: bfdf4f
File 165581782060.jpg - (85.00KB , 502x407 , water 99.jpg )

That released a beam of energy powered by negative emotions.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/21(Tue)06:25 No. 1035594 ID: bfdf4f
File 165581792448.jpg - (185.92KB , 631x545 , water 100.jpg )

And that hit your opponent directly in the head.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/21(Tue)06:31 No. 1035595 ID: bfdf4f
File 165581827913.jpg - (137.06KB , 505x445 , water 101.jpg )

After that Watermelon Vampire spanked her ass and said come and get some! Sorry for not going with the whole mooning her, but this is a wholesome Christian quest and there will not be any profanity in it.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/21(Tue)06:34 No. 1035596 ID: bfdf4f
File 165581848378.jpg - (146.50KB , 386x499 , water 102.jpg )

But even with that attack the opponent simply laughing and says in a mocking tone, that was it that was your one silver bullet that you had and now you are without it.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/21(Tue)06:35 No. 1035597 ID: bfdf4f
File 165581855527.jpg - (247.71KB , 847x662 , water 103.jpg )

While my 5 star rating is still standing tall. HA HA HA! I am going to enjoy the milkshake that I will make out of your body!

This store appears to sell everything BUT milk, how would she make a milkshake out of your body without the one thing necessary to make a milkshake? Unless that was an innuendo.

Quick! Buy some white-out and erase four of those stars!

Point out this story has gotten really convoluted and so no longer has mass appeal, meaning that her star ranking will lower.

>>1035617
This

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:15 No. 1035715 ID: 91deaa
File 165593613648.jpg - (104.72KB , 310x453 , water 104.jpg )

The Watermelon Vampire has a lot of questions going through her head. Some of them were, did this shop sell milk, how much does a white-out cost and has this story really gotten convoluted and has no longer its mass appeal....

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:16 No. 1035716 ID: 91deaa
File 165593621596.jpg - (43.43KB , 303x262 , water 105.jpg )

Wait, wait, wait...Time out time out, stop the narration. This quest had a mass appeal in the first place? And it has lost its appeal which it had in the first place? Is this because I covered up my melons?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:18 No. 1035719 ID: 91deaa
File 165593629205.jpg - (125.82KB , 409x418 , water 106.jpg )

Hey guard guy, did this joke quest when on for too long? Has it lost what made it funny?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:19 No. 1035720 ID: 91deaa
File 165593637637.jpg - (56.95KB , 287x369 , water 107.jpg )

I have no idea what is even happening nor how much eyes am I even supposed to have.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:24 No. 1035721 ID: 91deaa
File 165593667032.jpg - (106.43KB , 307x490 , water 109.jpg )

Ok there is no need to get white-out to delete those stars, simply exploit the shit out of creating new accounts duplication glitch.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:34 No. 1035722 ID: 91deaa
File 165593725611.jpg - (253.86KB , 593x697 , water 110.jpg )

In in matter of 1 minutes Watermelon Vampire executed the speedrunners skip and created over 70 of alternative accounts and with them she managed to destroy the 5 star rating of her opponent. This battle is over, you got no experience but you win. Sometimes you can win or you can grow and sometimes you can't do booth.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:36 No. 1035730 ID: 91deaa
File 165593739674.jpg - (104.66KB , 353x492 , water 111.jpg )

With the Goddess of Discounts defeated, the mutant piñata retuned into his domesticated state and will return to his lovely family.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:38 No. 1035731 ID: 91deaa
File 165593750328.jpg - (33.30KB , 347x256 , water 112.jpg )

While the ghost was arrested for not posseting an license to levitate things.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:40 No. 1035734 ID: 91deaa
File 165593762770.jpg - (80.95KB , 307x398 , water 113.jpg )

Well we won and that is it, nothing is even stopping us for just leaving and starting our own cult.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/22(Wed)15:41 No. 1035735 ID: 91deaa
File 165593771051.jpg - (174.01KB , 536x586 , water 114.jpg )

Wait just one moment, you did beat me and humiliated, so I am obliged to offer you one wish. Unfortunately the only limitation of my wish is that it has to be something that can be bought by money.

P O W E R

>>1028091

>While you were transforming into your vampire form you heard whispers from the Lemon Satan. If you truly want to gain the power of the forbidden fruit you will need to establish a pact with the devil. Some may see you as a heretic for doing this, others will hate you uncontrollably but most importantly doing this act you will bring great shame to your honor. In order for the contract to be fulfilled, you need to buy 10 NFTs from Satan and then sell 5 of them to your friends, if you don't have friends complete strangers can work as well.

>>1035735
>Unfortunately the only limitation of my wish is that it has to be something that can be bought by money.

Ask her to buy you those useless cursed 10 NFTs from Lemon Satan, and then we'll be on our way.

Afterwards at some point, we'll sell 5 to our friends or strangers.

...

Actually, nah. We love Lemon Satan, but we've got principles. Maybe another time.

So either

1. a submarine so that when we leave the store, we can pilot the submarine to get out of the moon base once we leave the store (we are in an underwater base on the moon for some reason, remember?)

or

2. A cantaloupe. You could use a boyfren

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/24(Fri)17:08 No. 1035873 ID: 527ed9
File 165611570859.jpg - (189.19KB , 799x627 , water 115.jpg )

What I want is power and when I say power I am referring to money. Give me your lunch money nerd!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/24(Fri)17:10 No. 1035874 ID: 527ed9
File 165611582126.jpg - (153.68KB , 439x513 , water 116.jpg )

Yeah sure no problem, how much do you need. I have lot of it. Do you need anything else, like a haircut, plastic surgery or a plastic haircut surgery?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/24(Fri)17:15 No. 1035876 ID: 527ed9
File 165611612923.jpg - (111.92KB , 298x547 , water 117.jpg )

Well I don't know just how much those stupid NFTs are but you will have to buy them all from Lemon Satan. Also a transportation to leave this place could be a good thing. Oh and one last thing I will need one cantaloupe.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/24(Fri)17:18 No. 1035877 ID: 527ed9
File 165611630474.jpg - (174.66KB , 456x585 , water 118.jpg )

Yeah I can give you all of those things, you can have my rocket submarine. But there is just one thing that I will need from you before I grant you all those wishes. Can you turn all the negative reviews into positive ones?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/24(Fri)17:20 No. 1035878 ID: 527ed9
File 165611642535.jpg - (119.15KB , 335x470 , water 119.jpg )

I man I could but that seems like a lot of work to do with my one finger...

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/24(Fri)17:24 No. 1035879 ID: 527ed9
File 165611669834.jpg - (119.91KB , 335x470 , water 120.jpg )

Inner monologue. Interesting she is willing to give me more thing in order for my reviews to change. maybe I could use that to milk more things from her.

Now that I think about it, does our security guard friend want anything? I don't think we need anything else personally, but our security guard friend might want something.

First, bring the negative one star reviews to... TWO star reviews (she didn't explain HOW positive she wanted it, lol, loophole) then give the security guard the phone, and tell the manager you'll leave it up to him to raise those two stars reviews to more stars, so she better make him happy and give him whatever he wants.

it's his birthday after all!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:11 No. 1036030 ID: 527ed9
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Alright just to show that I will keep my end of the agreement I will restore the reputation of this store to two stars. Also I completely forgot, guard do you want anything, especially during this specials day. After all we can negotiate. I will give you the phone, so you will be the one making demands.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:13 No. 1036031 ID: 527ed9
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Thank you, as for what demand I would like to get a raise for this job.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:18 No. 1036033 ID: 527ed9
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Wait, you will be working here especially after everything that we did in this store?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:19 No. 1036034 ID: 527ed9
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Yeah I will only going to help you during our world domination only on weekends.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:21 No. 1036035 ID: 527ed9
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So if the raise is what you want the raise is what you will get. Just out store accountant give you the proper paper work for it.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:22 No. 1036036 ID: 527ed9
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So Bob can you give our guard what he is asking for?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:26 No. 1036037 ID: 527ed9
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Bob quickly filled out the request and offered it to the Guard. Bos did start to talk but all the sounds that Bob make are similar to the sounds of farting.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:27 No. 1036038 ID: 527ed9
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Yep that is it everything seems to be in order, I just need to sine this document.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:28 No. 1036039 ID: 527ed9
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Well from my side I got what I wanted, so should we be leaving?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:29 No. 1036040 ID: 527ed9
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Of course and here are our parting gift, the last things what you aske from me. As for you guard I expect you here first thing in the morning next day.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:31 No. 1036042 ID: 527ed9
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And with that negotiation finished out two terrorist jumped into the submarine rocket and left this location.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:32 No. 1036043 ID: 527ed9
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Well with everything considered I could cell our first mission a success!

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:34 No. 1036044 ID: 527ed9
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Yeah it was, but you still didn't restore the five star rating to the store. Are we going to do that or are we going to betray her?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/26(Sun)17:37 No. 1036046 ID: 527ed9
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I was thinking about that and she also didn't fulfilled her end of the agreement when it comes to the NFT's. So not doing what we promised is an allowed option to take. But I don't know if I am going to even see her again in the rest of my life, so maybe not doing what we promised doesn't even matter.

Well, the only thing left to do is bite the cantaloupe to turn it into a vampire like us so we can have a boyfriend, and then we can do a victory pose for a job well done!

Restore the rating, but leave one last taunting review that will forever prevent her from attaining the perfect rating.
She will be able to come so very close to perfection, but never achieve it.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:10 No. 1036345 ID: 527ed9
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Now that I am thinking about our defeated enemy, I believe it would be for the best if we keep our words. She will probably buy those stupid NFTs. So restore the 5 star ratings but only leave the first bad review that I made.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:12 No. 1036346 ID: 527ed9
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Hmm ok I see that is the review that says "Didn't even get to have sex." The star have been restored the Overlord Manager will remember this.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:13 No. 1036347 ID: 527ed9
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Hey now, it isn't like you didn't have the same thoughts on your mind. Anyways this was our first victory but it wasn't the fight against our real enemy the IRS.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:14 No. 1036348 ID: 527ed9
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The point where we won't be target by them is the moment when we win in our battle.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:16 No. 1036349 ID: 527ed9
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Oh boy does that opponent even have any weaknesses?

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:17 No. 1036351 ID: 527ed9
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Oh but of course there is a weakness and that is what we should be focusing on and the name of that weakness is TAX EXEMPTIONS. And religious establishment are exempt for it. That is what we are going to go after.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:19 No. 1036352 ID: 527ed9
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We are small and you can only help me during your offlays, but we will grow. The fruits of our labor will be juicy.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:20 No. 1036353 ID: 527ed9
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Then the Watermelon Vampire put the fruit into her mouth and then...

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:21 No. 1036354 ID: 527ed9
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Took a bite out of it.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:22 No. 1036355 ID: 527ed9
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Ouch, I lost my tooth. I shouldn't listen to the voices in my head.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/28(Tue)06:25 No. 1036356 ID: 527ed9
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Well that was the end of this first chapter and this cantaloupe will be the protagonist of the second part of the story. And no this character will not be a vampire, obviously it will be a werewolf. Thank you for reading this story, I don-t know when I will continue.

>> cantelope
Turn into femboy

This has been one of the weirdest, most nonsensical parodies of Veggietales I've ever seen in my life.

>>1036357
Needs to be a genderfluid mushroom-cantaloupe hybrid
that squirts mold

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/29(Wed)15:20 No. 1036520 ID: 527ed9
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Alright werewolf, femboy, genderfluid mushroom-cantaloupe hybrid that squirts mold. Just writing down all that will be added to the next protagonist.

Absurdity DeVoid 2022/06/29(Wed)15:22 No. 1036521 ID: 527ed9
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It is a pleasure that you enjoyed the story and the main goal from my perspective of this quest is to be a nonsensical joke. Especially sine the other quests had a more serious tone. As for the protagonist of the next part will be designed by Poltergeist Ethanoic Acid.