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Wild Ginger Pouncer
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Mmhm. To apologize for my trolling I'll dish out some feedback.
This'll be subjective off-the-top-of-my-head stuff, and I'll be frank.
Character:
Yeah, he's pretty good. I like his no mercy attitude. He does seems a bit eloquent for someone who isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Having a distinctive speech pattern might help flesh him out some?
I'm looking forward to how you're going to work that whole fury aspect into the story.
The world:
I'm definitely in favor of Hell as a setting, but the factions are giving me a "meh" reaction. Having them named after their principal attribute makes them seem bland and one-dimensional. It'd make more sense as a system of classification, since surely even non-Warrior groups have their own warriors? Or what's to stop the Warriors from killing everyone else? (footnote: That problem is fixed by having the social order dictated from top down by some governing agency)
[Actually, there's probably a trope about this. At the very least it is reminiscent of a lot of patchwork fantasy worlds.]
This could just be my false impression of the way things work, though.
But yeah, Hell has the potential for some really demented npc's, scenes, views and events. I mean that in a good way. Depending on the overall social structure you have the potential for some pretty mindblowing plot twists.
The art:
Hokay, I guess I have an issue with this one. The setting gives you a great, great, great opportunity for some really awesome graphics, and I don't think the pixelated done-in-MSPaint style does it justice. If you think you can't draw, or don't have a tablet, no sweat. Get a copy of GIMP (free), or Photoshop (free if you bend in your legalities) and use the bezier curve thing. It'll go a long way.
Also, steer clear off empty cubic rooms. They just look uninspired. [Pot's really calling the kettle black on this one, I'm like the patron saint of cubic rooms]
Other crap:
Antagonist: This is just something I'm puzzled about. Is this Raeve guy directly responsible for the protagonist's problems? I sorta got the impression that it was a product some faceless grey eminence who didn't like your attitude that got you shanked. Some clearing up in that department is needed.
Plus having some characterization of him would be necessary, to help us get the motivation for defeating him.
In summary, it's not terribad, and probably doesn't deserve half the shit I'm shoveling on it. But hey, I only know how to criticize shit. And you asked for it.
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