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Singing Puff
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This is based on a conversation Ironybot (Satai's player) and I had in IRC.
Satai's Room, Laine Estate
Lyubov smoothed her clothes out. Satai had retired to his room after dinner, and she figured, hopefully, that he would be more amicable after eating. They had largely avoided each other since her last challenge to him to spar.
She knocked on the door, and he said, "It's open."
He was sitting at a desk, reading a sheaf of papers. He looked up at Lyubov, a sour expression on his face when he realized it was her.
She spoke quickly, before he could kick her out, and said, "Hey, so, I was thinking maybe we could play chess next time you have a free hour?"
He stared at her, his mouth working slightly as he mentally tried different responses. He was silent long enough that Lyubov decided to press the advantage, and said, "I am not really very good at chess. I learned to play a long time ago, and I never got very good. But it is something fun to do, even if you completely beat me at it."
He finally picked a response that was not offensive, and said, "I am not much for chess."
Lyubov smiled hopefully and asked, "Cards then? I heard Boss was teaching Hillevi poker."
Satai stared at her, a perfect Siberian Silence on his lips.
Lyubov frowned at him, irritation leaking through. She said, "Oh come on, don't be like that. We are working together, and we are fighting together, and we could end up having to put our lives in each others' hands. I am not an idiot, I know you do not like me. But I want to be able to know you and you to know me, and for us to be able to trust each other. So, can we play something? Or talk about something? Maybe you could teach me something I do not know. Or I could show you gyaketsuote? I think I could show you what I learned of it."
Satai took a tone one would take with a particularly slow child, a dry tone that slowly turned into audible exasperation, and said "I do not think you are going to shoot me in the back, and I am not going to give you a rocket that will explode while you hold it. See? Look at that, we trust each other already. Let's skip the cards."
Lyubov's fingers twitched. She reached for her pocket, and then stopped when she remembered she didn't have any cigarettes left. She'd gone through the last of them when she had been mad at Armas. She curtly said, "Fine. We will skip the cards. If you want to learn gyaketsuote from someone who is not me, Hafaz likes brandy."
It did not seem right to leave on such a sour note though, so she took a deep breath, exhaled, and asked, "How are your lessons with Hillevi? Did she kill you yet?"
Satai evenly said, "I am learning a great deal. And you?"
This is a safe topic, she decided, and said, "Armas is extremely unorthodox, but he taught me that I am at my best when I am distracted, or causing distractions. So, yes, I am learning a lot. Mostly he finds ways to distract me while he gives the lesson."
Satai eyed her, and then said, "Good for you. I trust you are enjoying his brand of distraction." He pointedly went back to what he was reading.
Lyubov was not going to let him get rid of her without some sort of breakthrough. She asked, "What book is it?"
He sighed in annoyance and, with affected weariness, said, "It is not a book." He held up the packet of paper and pointed to the upper right of the first page- a date, April 07, 2010. He said, "Back issues of the paper."
Lyubov tried to be positive. Maybe she could help him with this, somehow. She asked, "Do you need them put into a binder or anything?"
"No."
"What about put into a computer file? Would that be ok?"
He glanced back down at the papers and said, "I was strongly counseled against making digital copies."
Lyubov had no issue asking questions that were potentially stupid if it meant being sure. She said, "But photocopy is ok?"
"Yes," he said, his voice taking on that hint of impatience, "as you could probably tell, from what I am holding."
Lyubov defensively said, "Well I do not know if it is magic paper or not, it could have been built to blow up if it is photocopied. Or if some magic paper person gets irritated. That happened to Sake. Well, it wasn't paper though, it was the Phone Guy. At least it was not the expensive phones."
Satai looked at her for a moment, and blinked. He asked, "The Phone Guy?"
Lyubov waved a hand in the air for emphasis and said, "That is what Duke called him, and he did not give me his name. I don't like calling him "Phone Guy" but that is what it is. We talked, and I apologized for Sake being annoying on the phones. He seemed to accept the apology, so there is that at least. He lectured me for letting him make hours and hours of prank calls."
Satai's attention was fully on Lyubov now, and he asked, "Where did you meet him?"
Lyubov shrugged and said, "Meet him? He talks through the phone. Sake said he was using targeted magic to make sure only I could hear him at first. I think he decided I would be easier to talk to than Sake, since he talked to Sake when I was away and Sake back-talked him and called him an asshole. Then he blew up the phone."
Satai favored her with another Siberian Silence, cold and desolate, and a pained look on his face. It was as if this conversation was physically hurting his head. He stared at her.
She folded her arms over her chest, a little uncomfortable, and flatly asked, "Why are you looking at me like that? I gave the disposable phones to Sake, and he went through 60 hours of phone cards. I thought it would take him a month, he did it in a week."
"I am not surprised at that pace. Have you met anyone else interesting recently?"
Lyubov considered, and said, "Um. Oh, you didn't meet the Cookie Lady, right? You haven't been in the dojo lately."
Satai maintained a careful silence, and then said, "...the Cookie Lady? Please tell me there is not a woman who lives inside cookies and speaks through them."
Lyubov smiled. She couldn't really help it, Satai's confusion was delicious. She said, "No, she makes cookies. They are the best, ever. She used to be Armas' neighbor, before he got this mansion. She's a nice old woman. I met her in church, actually. I took her out to lunch the other day, and she made cookies for Gloom," and then she said, sotto voice, "And Gloom smiled. I was speechless, she made him smile."
Satai had an intrigued look on his face, and let a thoughtful silence lead. Finally he said, "...really. What is her name?"
Lyubov again shrugged. "Well, I got it from her, and I even wrote it down, but then I was splashed by a puddle and the note ruined, and for some reason I cannot remember the name. And usually I am very good at that. I think she may be magic, and have some sort of protection on her name. But maybe I am just unlucky. But anyway, everyone in the Dojo calls her Cookie Lady. So does Armas, and Sake."
"She didn't introduce herself at the dojo when she was there?"
"She did, but everyone just called her Cookie Lady. Or печенье леди [Pechenei Ledi], but that is the same. It is why I think she might be magic, somehow. That, and her cookies. They are divine. She makes them for specific people, or groups."
Satai opened a desk drawer and fished out a pen. "I see. Do you know where she lives, if she was Armas' neighbor?"
"Yes, I drove her home and helped her move her couch and some other things. She is very old. Boris knows her too, he is taking lessons from her."
Satai handed Lyubov a packet of post-its and the pen. He matter-of-factly said, "Write it down, please."
She started scribbling on the post-it. "Ok. But maybe you should just go with Boris and get introduced? Or maybe come to the dojo and meet her there?" As she handed the note back to him, her mind jumped to a new thought. "Oh, I guess here is that magic bar Sake likes, too."
Satai filed the note away after making sure it was legible, and said, "Thank you for the suggestion. A magic bar?"
"Yes, it is this magic bar in a hole in the wall. I didn't really meet anyone there, I was a little awed by so many different magic people at once. The door is hidden, and you have to know the way in. I went with Armas, Camella, the Valkonens, and Sake. There was a minotaur, a hobgoblin, and a leprechaun running it, and lots of other customers the night I went. They're all magic, Camella and I were the only normal people there."
"A minotaur? One moment, please." He grabbed another file and started flipping through it.
Lyubov ignored his request and kept talking. "Oh, if you go, you should dress up flashy, everyone wears bright clothes and lights and things like that. Boss looked like he fit right in."
After a few seconds, he pulled out a sheet of paper covered in neatly written notes. He scanned it, and asked "Was the minotaur acting as the bartender?"
"Yes that was him. The leprechaun was talking to people and acting important."
He scribbled something in the file. "Hmm. Thank you. Do you have the bar's address?"
Lyubov was at a bit of a loss. "Um. I can tell you what alley it is in. You'll need to find the door though."
"Right. That'll have to be enough."
Lyubov suggested, cheerily, "Just go with Sake, he will show you the way and introduce you. He likes drinking, he'll be happy to go with you. Um, be careful what you drink though, most of it is magic drinks. I know we're getting better, but still."
Satai closed the file and put it back on his desk. "I would be more concerned about side effects from the drinks themselves than saturation at this point. Did you have any problems?"
Lyubov shook her head. "No, I just got drunk and went home with the others. I slept well that night, actually. Sake was suggesting stuff to drink, so I think he was being sure to not give me or Camella anything that was poison."
Satai frowned. "It sounds impractical to go to this bar without a guide. I'll ask Sake, or we might end up being social after all."
Lyubov smiled, and said, "If you want to go with me and Sake, I will get some fiber optic cloth so that you will look impressive. I was planning on getting a dress of it, for fun. They sell it in strips, we could make it part of a suit for you."
The look on Satai's face said it all. Such garish clothes were not to his taste. He tried to deflect, and said, "I'll think about it."
Lybov abruptly, almost interrupting, said, "You are friends with Andrei right?"
Satai responded without much hesitation, "Friendly enough. We've both been rather busy, though."
She asked, "Can you make more time to just check up on Andrei once in awhile? I found him skipping meals last week, and then Iosef told me he was talking to food, and Sake said Andrei had a lesion in his mouth from when he had the heart attack. I got Dávgon to look at it, and he said it's a wound in his soul that is corporeal and should be removed. Andrei has agreed to that yesterday, but didn't want to do it right then. We're going to do it in the morning, but just to be on the safe side I told Armas about it and got permission to force him on it, if he keeps being weird about it."
Satai looked disconcerted by the news, both the content and amount. He said, "That is... what time? I can probably be there, and I need to talk to Andrei anyway."
Lyubov said, "Sake and I are going to do it in the morning, before lessons. That way he will get his healing before sunup. I talked to Armas about it, too, and got permission to force it on him if he changes his mind for some reason. I don't think he will, but the little lesion is making him mad and we do not want him going crazy. We have too many crazy people as it is."
Satai was completely serious again, and said, "I will talk to him. He will not change his mind, I am sure. Who has gone crazy?"
Lyubov was a little bewildered, and asked, "You did not notice Lev? Did you not hear about his genitals?"
Satai’s voice betrayed vague surprise. He said, "His what?"
Lyubov teased, "See this is why you should be friendlier, you miss out on stories about people's penises."
He waved at the papers on his desk and said, "No, I just get different ones."
Lyubov nodded, and then started explaining Lev's situation. "He has not been well. He has been, um. Fondling himself in lessons. His stomach, really. And last week I found him crying on the floor about his bastard children, and dragged him to his room. I notified Matvey, and left it at that. But then he came on a jog with us, or I thought he was. He left my sight for a moment, into the alley by the house. I thought he needed to fondle himself again, so I didn't think about it. When we got home, he was in the house and Sake had given him a rub, and he had uh. Well he uh, went into the sewer and thought he could jog along with us down there. In the dark."
Satai stared at her, in shocked silence. She shuffled her feet and continued, "Something bit him when Nikifor was rescuing him, and it ate his penis. So yeah. After that Boss said someone had to be with him all the time, and Matvey made him spend more time at the dojo. And the others are not all that well either, really. But I think Lev was the worst. Going into the sewers without a gun, or armor, or a light."
Finally Satai said, "Please tell me you are exaggerating this."
"I wish I were. Anyway for some reason they come to me instead of the officers. So I get them calmed down when they are upset, and then I go get an officer, whichever is the better one for them."
Satai tisked in annoyance. "It is not wise to leave the sewers accessible. They are not safe even if you know what is down there and wish to meet it."
Lyubov weakly protested, "Dmitrii did ok. I mean, he traded, uh, parts of himself. But he did ok."
Satai stared silently, clearly not of the opinion that trading parts of oneself is okay.
Lyubov understood at a glance, nodded, and said, "I wouldn't do it either. I like being me, and all my memories, and experiences, and everything is part of me. But at least he did not lose his penis. And he learned chakra, and he can drive anything now, and teach, and make charms."
Satai tapped his desk, and glanced down at his crotch. "I... would not have expected to say this, but there are worse things to lose than your dick. That we can grow back like this," Satai snapped his fingers, "but what Dmitrii lost we cannot."
Lyubov said "Yes, I know what you mean,” in a tone of voice that suggested she only sort of understood the importance men place on such things. She said, ”Oh. Oh that reminds me, do not ask Amen to show you what he does when he makes clothes."
Satai nodded. "I already talked to Titus and heard. I am looking into apartments, but it will take time to find them and there are more important things right now."
Lyubov mused, "I am not sure I would leave the mansion. It is weird, and Amen is creepy, and that thing down the street is horrible, but if we are careful about the dangers in the house, then we will be safe from the things outside the house. Like that skinwalker thing down the street."
"There are practical considerations, but I do not particularly wish to sleep on a bed with sheets woven out of people while they scream."
Lyubov blanched a little and said, "I buy all my clothes. And I took Hillevi to a tailor."
Satai maintained his analytical air. He had a serious tone to his voice as he said, "Did you buy all the tables, the furniture? Those are made of wood, which, if I recall a certain video and imagine a few likely things, Amen can make as easily as cloth. Do you think that Armas pays for all those garish outfits? Most of our plates and cups seem like ceramic, but are you sure they are not some form of bone? Do you really want to live in a house where you don't know?" He smiled grimly, and said, "I have not slept in quite some time, which Dàvgon assures me I am handling with no ill effects, and never have I been so glad to not risk nightmares."
Lyubov's eyes wandered as she tried hard to not dwell on any of the ugly details Satai was so frankly laying out. She said, "I do not think Armas actually realizes how Amen might be making some things."
Satai was unflappable. "I think he just doesn't care."
Lyubov looked him in the eye and said, "If he does not care, how will you get him to agree to outside apartments?
"I think he wouldn't care, again."
None of this bears thinking about. It is all horrible, and Satai is probably just trying to get a rise out of me, she thought. Probably. She abruptly said, "Can you help me make sure Andrei gets a shower? It has been part of his regimen of self abused and neglect. He has not been bathing, and it is obvious. And odorous."
Satai rolled with the subject change. "I would like to speak with him before I help you shove him around. If you are right and this lesion is making him crazy, perhaps he will not need to be shoved around once it is gone."
Lyubov nodded, and said, "I hope so. And I am not talking about bullying, just, convincing him he needs one. It was hard enough to convince him to listen to Dávgon. He is very stubborn about finishing the stupid videos."
Satai was starting to sound a little tired. "I am not surprised. He wants to stop fighting and play with computers all day."
Lyubov commented, "And you want to play with the supply lines all day. And I am not sure what I want. Sometimes I want to be like Camella. But when I talk to her, and I learn what she has been through, it is not so appealing. And Armas, Armas did crazy things to go from being like we are, to being what he is now. And Hillevi never knew anything different. And Duke's life is one long crazy drunken adventure, with moments of fucking everything that seems sort of interested."
Satai indulged in an exasperated silence, before asking, "...where are you going with this?"
He was staring at Lyubov again. She didn't like it one bit. She folded her arms over her breasts, and asked, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Natural response."
She shook her head, and said, "Anyway, did you find the tools I listed? For that tank?"
He said, "No," and managed to put in that one word all the exasperation and frustration he felt over the matter.
Lyubov looked at him for a moment and then declared, "You think it is stupid. You have the same look you have when I try to get you to spar with me."
An annoyed expression flashed over his face, and he admitted, "Yes, I think it is stupid."
Lyubov shrugged and said, "Well, Armas never mentioned what he wanted me to do to it anyway, just that he wanted it taken care of. If he uses it though, I will need the tools to keep it running. If you think it is not a good investment though, maybe you should tell him? He listens, even if it is not what he would like to hear."
"Quality of investment has yet to strike me as one of Armas' priorities."
Lyubov decided that she was not prepared to argue the quality of that particular investment, and instead said, "Oh, I almost forgot, I need some chemicals. Or some way to make headstones seem less interesting to people who are not related to the dead person, but Einrik said that would be very expensive."
There was a pregnant pause and then Satai said, "I have some C-4."
Lyubov frowned and said, "That would make Vlad and Grisha happy, but that would make the news. I am thinking that using chemicals to wear them away and make it look like natural wear would be safest. Feodor gave me some names-"
Satai interrupted before she could take over the conversation again. "No, I meant use it in very small amounts, just to make the names unreadable. Not every explosion must be large, you know. Or, as we are now absurdly strong, we could remove the headstones and install new ones when no one is looking."
Lyubov brightened up at that. "Oh, I like that idea. I have pictures of them all, still. Once they are ready, I could ask Sake to help, and we would be done in a night," she broke into a giggly fit, and managed to say, "He could ride it- like- like a little surfboard"
Satai gaves one measured chuckle. A small one. He said, "Bring a camera. In any case, you can handle that, yes? I do not really want to spend time hunting down someone to make headstones for us and then ensuring their silence on the matter, nor making them personally. I do not know anything about that industry, but if we want to avoid suspicion it would probably be best to have them made somewhere out of the country and then drive them in, to avoid problems with records."
Lyubov considered the extra work that would involve, and said, "Hm. But chemicals would be simple with Sake to help, too. Well, I will make up my mind later." Her arms were still crossed over her chest, but she smiled and said, "You know this is the longest we have ever talked?"
"Yes, I am aware."
"Usually you tell me to shut up, or you walk off, or I start crying, or something."
Satai's tone became strained with an exasperated tone again, and he said, "I am making efforts to be more polite, this is my room and I am not going to walk out of it to avoid annoying visitors, and you seem disinclined to cry at the moment." Then he tried a little dry humor, and said, "I can speak on more upsetting topics if that would help."
Lyubov looked a bit hurt, but decided to shrug it off. She thought to herself. He is just being himself, unfortunately. She said, "Ah. Hey, did you know Armas can see through clothes?"
Satai was silent as he tried to track the sudden change in topic. Finally, he said, "...I did not, but I find it entirely unsurprising. It sounds like just the sort of ability that he would seek out. Not because he wishes to actually see through clothes, but just to see the look on others' faces when he tells them he can."
Lyubov decided to try teasing, and innocently said, "I had wondered why he was spending so much time watching us exercise, earlier. Remember? When Ironhead came?"
Satai gruffly responded, "Not really. Look, I have a lot of reading still to do, so if you don't mind?" He pointed to the door behind her.
Lyubov nodded and said, "Ah, ok. Oh, but, I wanted to ask, do you know anyone who does work with making shadows? Not like Shadowboss, just, cosmetic shadows. Like for a shadow-puppet show. They move along with the person using them, but they're not smart or anything? If you find someone like that, I would like to talk to them about something. Not for shadow-puppets, but something sort of like it."
His voice took on a surprised lilt briefly. "For entertainment? No. I haven't been spending much time looking into anything impractical," his mouth twisted a little, and he said, "which is too bad, because I do not actually want to spend my life playing with supply lines. I will remember. Leave, please."
Lyubov stuck out her hand, an offer to shake, and said, "I will talk to you another time."
Satai rolled his eyes and went back to his news packet. Lyubov lowered her hand, and then left, miffed he didn't shake. And that he called her annoying. To her face.
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