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Singing Harmony
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"Eeyful, did this human just appear next to our royal carriage on our very secret mission to investigate the undead on the kingdom’s borders?" Kalez asks nastily. She signals to the driver to bring the molebeast to a halt, to better ogle the woman who manifested on the side of the road from some kind of portal mere seconds ago.
The young acolyte leans with the carriage as it grinds to a halt. The kobold senses the rhetorical trap from her mistress, but can't see a way to evade. It's been a long morning with nothing to focus the Duchess's neurotic energy on except herself, and the cost benefit analysis of dodging another barb when a hundred more are expected comes up short. "Yes mistress, it appears so."
"But you in your incompetence did not detect any magic heralding her arrival." Kalez continues.
"Either this is a highly skilled sorcerer the likes of which we have never seen or some kind of illusion based undead."
Eeyful squints at the pale old woman, garbed in rich red and purple and covered with strange metal contraptions, who’s checking to make sure everything is still attached. "My apologies mistress. She could be undead, judging by the general air of decrepitness."
Chinzebeth has had quite enough of these insolent creatures commenting on her stylish interdimensional arrival into their world. She's a queen for goodness sake, and one armed to the teeth with the most cutting edge protection equipment her royal scientists can offer so that even without her guards she'll be totally secure on her vacation.
She points her bejeweled scepter at the heavily robed beast with glowing red eyes. "I am royalty from an advanced technological world that has mastered dimensional travel. Seeking some light entertainment I've come here to survey lesser lands and it would do you well to respect my authority!"
Eeyful flinches at the impudent words, but relaxes when she hears Kalez's clicking chelicera, a tell that her mistress is deep in thought. That habit makes Kalez terrible at bluffing in cards but Eeyful always lets her win anyway. Being an apprentice acolyte includes an unfortunate amount of sacrifices for the greater good.
Eeyful holds her tongue and waits for Kalez to come to a conclusion.
"Prove you are what you say you are." the scorpion orders.
Chinzebeth raises her hand imperiously and ruins the moment by struggling to activate her laser ring. This continues for some time.
"Aha!" Chinzebeth finally gets the mechanism to work and shoots a bright red beam across the dirt in front of the carriage, leaving a scorched black line in its wake.
Kalez hurries closer to Chinzebeth to admire the futuristic weapons adorning the tall queen. "Marvelous! Such powerful magic, how does it work?"
Eeyful is surprised when Kalez welcomes the strange queen into the carriage, obnoxiously sycophantic in a way that any reasonable person would see through. Chinzebeth, however, basks in the attention and the two women are soon chatting like old friends. Her seat taken, Eeyful crouches awkwardly near the window and tries to keep watch. For someone who claimed to be here to survey the lands, Chinzebeth seems happy to stick to the comforts of the carriage interior, with a tasting box of chocolates at her elbow and a captive audience.
This close to the borders of the kingdom, the road is slightly overgrown and there's an ominous darkness at the edges of the woods. The cold aura of the undead is growing stronger and Eeyful clutches her arm where she had been seized by an Arthros on a tax collection trip some weeks earlier.
Should she say something? Her mistress is busy and Eeyful is grateful for any respite from biting words and finding her seat suddenly polished to a frictionless sheen so she slips and tumbles to the floor, which seems to happen whenever Kalez is mildly bored. Surely they won't be attacked, and the carriage is sturdy enough that their foes won't be able to break through.
The kobold allows herself a moment to close her eyes. The chatter about a fantastical world where buildings are made of glass and marble and ships can travel through the air passes from one ear out the other. It sounds like an impossible dream. The people there must be very happy.
With the women distracted, the small horde of undead that's been following the royal expedition creeps closer. There are four skeletons, dressed in decayed rags with glowing eye sockets. Hunger has driven them long past the point of madness, but they've retained enough intelligence to plan their attack. The leader croaks to the others and points ahead to a dead tree at risk of falling into the road.
They shamble over to the shriveled pine and begin to shove the trunk in sync, push-rebound-push-rebound. The brittle roots strain, then pull free of the moist black soil, shaking dirt and needles to the ground with every heave.
“Faster!” the skeletal bird rasps. The carriage is approaching and the undead need to topple the tree before it passes!
They redouble their efforts and with a tired groan the pine breaks free from its old roots and falls directly in front of the molebeast. The simple minded creature yelps with alarm and flounders to a stop, rear colliding with the carriage to bring it to a rough halt.
“Eeyful, why have we stopped?” Kalez hisses instinctively. Chinzebeth admires the effortless way the duchess blames an underling for minor inconvenience. That, if anything, is the mark of a true ruler.
The kobold peers out of the window and spots the undead shambling onto the road. “We’re under attack mistress! Prepare yourself.”
Kalez curses and shoves Eeyful out of the way to get her own evidence. The sight of the vicious undead coming to loot her carriage makes fear curl in her gut, though she would never admit it out loud. There are some food supplies that can be thrown to distract the creatures, but they’ll inevitably desire fresh meat.
Chinzebeth swallows, and her long chin wobbles with the motion. She stands suddenly, which crushes her tall hair against the ceiling of the carriage.
“Do not be afraid, my new allies. With my weapons we will surely defeat the enemy. Come, let us to battle!”
This assertiveness gives Chinzebeth an adrenaline rush so potent she feels the need to lie down, but instead she rushes onto the road to confront the pale beasts chattering to each other. With a slightly shaky hand, she readies her laser.
The red beam slices forward, heating the ring on Chinzebeth’s finger as she struggles to aim at her targets. The undead scatter so Chinzebeth focuses on the biggest and slowest target, a tortoise with uncanny glowing eyes. Behind her she hears best buddy Kalez and that little furry creature dismounting to join her side.
The laser hits home, burning through the rags on the tortoise’s back and making him roar. Chinzebeth waves her hand wildly and lops through whatever forces was holding the undead’s bones in place, and the beast collapses in a pile of limbs.
Unfortunately, while the queen was distracted the other undead flanked her and are diving forward to attack. The leader seizes the back of her robe only to be slashed with a blade of water summoned to Kalez’s hand. He’s thrown back, leg hewn apart, but the blade also cuts the garments from Chinzebeth’s backside free.
Chinzebeth feels a cool breeze on her unmentionables and feels behind her with her left hand to find bare skin.
The queen shrieks with alarm and embarrassment. Kalez quickly dispels the water sword as Chinzebeth turns to her.
“Oh no no no, quick, is there spare cloth in the carriage?” Chinzebeth asks, cheeks bright pink with humiliation.
“We have extra garments, yes, but we must destroy the remaining undead first.” Kalez hisses.
“B-but the indignity…the shame…” Chinzebeth struggles to pull the loose end of her dress over her white, saggy buttocks.
“I agree, yes, it is very humiliating, but you’re our strongest fighter with your weapons and we need you to continue! Allies battles together, yes?” Kalez conveniently fails to mention she knows mending magic. The scorpion enjoys seeing other powerful beings brought low, it makes her feel very mighty indeed.
Eeyful, who has been holding back the other two undead while this enlightening conversation takes place, loses her focus with a yelp. The beetle and rat charge her and tug her hood over her face. Blinded, the kobold can’t keep her balance as she’s shoved to the ground.
“Fear not, small servant creature.” Chinzebeth, battle spirit restored, levels her scepter at the zombies and presses the red button on the hilt. A blue energy sphere forms at the head of the staff, crackling with electricity. Chinzebeth releases the button and it flies into the beetle, knocking her akimbo.
The shockwave from the attack has the unfortunate side effect of tearing Eeyful’s tunic at the beltline, revealing toned brown hips and a neat mound. Kalez and Chinzebeth openly stare as the kobold shakily gets to her feet.
“Please don’t look mistress!” Eeyful squeaks.
“We’re all women here.” Chinzebeth says reassuringly, still staring. “You’re absolutely darling, don’t be ashamed.”
“Ma’am, er, your highness, you were aware of your own lack of modesty very recently.” Eeyful grits out.
Speaking of, the rat has changed targets to Chinzebeth after witnessing the damage caused by the scepter. Poor Chinzebeth, still unused to the breakneck pace of the battlefield, takes a blow to the shoulder that makes her drop the scepter and also has the unfortunate effect of ripping the seams in her bodice, revealing one loose breast which flops sadly in the air.
The beetle manages to flip herself upright and gets a few steps before a bright green whip of acid wraps around her many limbs with a sizzle of chitin. Kalez drags the insect into her ally the rat, and the undead crumple together in a tangle.
“Please…so hungry…” the creatures gasp, before falling silent. Their eye sockets still glow with cursed energy, and Kalez gives a solid kick to all of the fallen undead before getting bored and returning to her comrades.
“What a waste of time.” the scorpion hisses. “With this tree in the way, I suppose there’s nothing to do but turn around. I had to expend quite a lot of energy to deal with your incompetence.” she remarks to Eeyful.
The kobold just sighs and trudges to the carriage to fetch some plain clothes to cover herself. Chinzebeth is startled that the battle ended as quickly as it began, and looks down to survey the damage.
Her royal garments (worth more than Noonin’ makes in a year) are totally ruined. Parts of her unremarkable body poke out, chilled by the forest air. Fragile, mundane flesh.
She shakes her head and marches proudly to the carriage to snatch the sheet Eeyful was about to wrap around her own waist. The body of a queen is never ordinary! And how wonderful it was to fight back against the enemy instead of sitting vulnerable in her throne, she must keep these weapons with her when she returns to her own dimension.
Speaking of, her feet are already sore and her mouth is dry. Chinzebeth finds the return signal on her bracelet and doesn’t have to wait long before the portal appears and she steps back into her palace.
“That strange woman seems to have left, mistress.”
Kalez looks around and, unable to prove Eeyful wrong, grunts in agreement. “Show some respect, acolyte. That is a queen you’re referring to.”
The kobold, still bare having had her sheet torn from her grasp, crosses her legs as she sits in the carriage. “With the undead so bold, do you think Z’Theno is—“
“That is of no interest to naked kobolds.” Kalez insists.
Eeyful can tell her mistress is upset by the way she clicked her mouthparts, but wisely refrains from saying anything more.
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