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Baby Spirit Tulip
97cee0
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Ok, here's the (slightly) shorter version. It's still long but I think it's the moment to spill a pile of feelings, and I think Zack has that pile bottled up in him by this point.
"Right. Ok. I... want to just say I'm an idiot, too, and that I'm sorry, but you just exposed a lot and I should try do the same. I think I need to. So... I've been terrified too, I think. For stupid reasons. See, everything's just been... so great for me. Money, celebrity, beautiful loving women, there's been danger too but you know me and danger by now. And... to me, it's felt like all I did was be myself, that it was too easy, and I think that's made me feel like I could lose it easy, too. I haven't done enough to deserve it, and that's another thing, because I know there must be people out there who think that and that makes me think of... respect, too. I think... in the back of my head somewhere, I wonder what respect I have, even from you, and Meg, and Bika and GG. I feel the love but sometimes I find myself wondering do you love me like really as a lover, or as... as like a pet or something. It's stupid, but there've been so many days that I do nothing but eat and sleep and spend time with you girls, playing around and being happy, and I love it, don't get me wrong, but that's what a pet does, Poly. I think that might be why I've been acting so crazy lately. I've been holding on harder, afraid of losing everything, and at the same time trying to find something to do to prove myself."
"I knew you wanted to leave the past behind, Poly. But then... It wasn't about you, Poly. That one dream. I couldn't see how it had anything to do with you, what I saw, and what I did see... I think it's something no-one else knows, not for sure, something maybe really really important and I just kept thinking that I had to tell someone, and I needed your permission and to back me up that the dreams were real, and... I pressured you for it. Not just for those reasons but because this dream thing was special, just you and me, and if something important and necessary came out of it then it would mean that I needed to have gotten this great life of mine. So I pushed. I'm sorry."
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