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Singing Basket
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>Obviously a finely tuned "don't say that" sense is a prerequisite to surviving the matrons.
It’s better to watch a matron be a fool than be punished for correcting her.
More entertaining, too.
>Careful, that cat's about to use your head as a comfy nest.
If you completely ignore it and let it stay on your head it'll give you gifts instead of scalping you alive!
That’s a cat? It jumps on my head once the wizard hops off. It’s very light, almost like it weighs nothing at all.
>Why did he ask you? Do you sell books here?
“Oh I don’t know, you know kids. Always on about precious heirloom this, priceless artifact that. If I had a nickle for every wide-eyed hero coming to me about a ‘timeless artifact of great strength’ they need to defeat ‘the ultimate evil destroying all the land’ I’dve retired by now. Sometimes it feels like these ‘great ancient artifacts' are growing on trees. Where do they all come from? Did some blacksmith thousands of years ago spend all day forging magic swords thinking ‘gee 1000 years from now this will help in an oddly specific scenario. Always swords, too. Why swords?” They walk around the room, grabbing armfuls of various books, wands, and vials. In the process they pull out a box full of weird looking swords. “Don't mind those, they’re just experiments. I’m probably going leave them at the bottom of a dungeon somewhere. Maybe stick one in a stone.”
>Oh! If you tell her about the bounty, and she collects it, you'll get your percentage. So tell her!
I tell her about the bounty.
“How much is the bounty?”
“10,000 alive, 8,000 dead”
“Bah, hardly worth my time to leave home, much less walk down to the underdocks. I hate going there. It’s cold, slimy, I’m fairly certain I could find a dead body if I flipped over the right stone. Granted, the kid didn’t tell me that they were staying near the docks but everyone who lives there smells kind of the same. That weird fishy smell. Speaking of fish maybe I should have salmon tonight. Stay here, I’ll be back with your sunlight.”
They walk off somewhere, leaving me alone in a room full of strange magical contraptions. Those ‘cats’ all over the place start congregating at my feet and making weird noises at me.
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