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678005 No. 678005 ID: defceb

My name is Go’ran Nikolic. After long life in the underground, decide that I don’t like being tortured by matrons and scrubbing floors. I think to myself, ‘Go’ran, surface world doesn’t have mind flayers around every corner, and no torture tuesday. Can’t be too bad, right?’. So I slip away and make my way to the surface. I have nothing but the clothes on my back and the coin in my purse. What do I do from here?
Expand all images
>>
No. 678009 ID: 025c3c

Travel away from the entrance from the underground, and search for shelter. You don't know how long it will be until the day star rises and blinds you.
>>
No. 678014 ID: 39f669

Seek the shelter of a surface cave; perhaps one high in the mountains, where the matrons can't find you. We'll need a place to call home during the day.
>>
No. 678015 ID: 43f06c

Find out where's the nearest place to buy rakija. Head there immediately.
Tell us more about the underground. If you will be hunted, try to put as much distance between you and the opening as you can.
>>
No. 678016 ID: f3dd9b

Reflect on your marketable skills such as poison use and spider grooming.
>>
No. 678017 ID: 3bc92d

Well, first off, find some edible animals/plants and a decent water supply.

Once you've got that all taken care of? Well, then it's time to start looking for love.
>>
No. 678019 ID: a338b5

Steal the Declaration of Independence.
>>
No. 678022 ID: dea183

Find surface diaspora so you have people to wear tracksuits with you and argue with while getting drunk.
>>
No. 678027 ID: defceb
File 144529588043.png - (212.62KB , 732x766 , e02.png )
678027

>You don't know how long it will be until the day star rises and blinds you.
What kind of terrible beast goes around blinding people? Perhaps the surface isn’t much better if there is a ‘day star’ waiting to stab me in the eyes.

>Reflect on your marketable skills such as poison use and spider grooming.
I was quite good at cooking and cleaning! All males are well trained in spider grooming as well. The matrons said I would make exemplary house husband. I did not consider flattering, since house husbands tends to live short lives then get buried under house. I’m not particularly smart, or capable in combat.

>Find out where's the nearest place to buy rakija. Head there immediately
I like this plan. Is good plan.

>Seek the shelter of a surface cave; perhaps one high in the mountains, where the matrons can't find you.
>Well, first off, find some edible animals/plants and a decent water supply.
I find a nearby stream for water and follow it up to the mountains. There I find a fortress carved into mountain. I am unfamiliar with it’s make. Perhaps friendly?

>then it's time to start looking for love
I’m unfamiliar with that term.
>>
No. 678028 ID: 5ad4a7

>>678027
Go and knock politely.
>>
No. 678029 ID: 3663d3

by warry, while i doubt men have as bad a reputation i bet the women have caused your kind to have a bad reputation with others. think about how a matron would act to another race. assume everyone will think you will act like that.
>>
No. 678031 ID: dea183

I don't think you can survive here without help. Sit by the road and wait for a surface matron to come by and offer yourself as a slave to her. They must hold much power in the surface world and probably have less spiders to take care of.
>>
No. 678033 ID: 0f1c4d

This door looks like the work of DORFS. DORFS will sometimes deal with outsiders but if you anger them they drown you in MAGMA.
Knock on the door and say you are a cook looking for work.
>>
No. 678042 ID: 025c3c

>I’m unfamiliar with that term.
Love: enjoying the company of non-matron surface females who choose not to harm you.

>I was quite good at cooking and cleaning!
Those are useful skills! People need to eat, and they need someone to clean up their messes. Perhaps you can earn a living in some settlement with a better life expectancy than a house husband.

>There I find a fortress carved into mountain. I am unfamiliar with it’s make. Perhaps friendly?
Approach openly, on the path, so any guards aren't surprised and see you as a traveler, not a sneaky enemy.
>>
No. 678074 ID: ad936f

Love: Sustained lust towards a long-term friend
>>
No. 678076 ID: 39f669

This appears to be a DORF FORT. Knock, and tread carefully.
>>
No. 678103 ID: a107fd

>>678027
>daystar
It's less of a beast and more of an environmental hazard. See all those glowy spots on the ceiling? Those are stars. They're very hot and very far away. About twelve hours out of every 24, one of them gets so close that... well, have you ever seen a fire hot enough that it turns blue? Picture that spread across the entire ceiling. When it happens, don't panic. It's not all that dangerous so long as you keep most of your skin covered and don't stare directly at the brightest spot. As with any uncontrolled fire, what kills more people is not direct burns, but rather secondary effects: cubic miles of water boil away, recondense and fall back to earth as pellets of ice, hot and cold air mix and churn around sometimes at hundreds of miles per hour, the churning produces electrostatic effects which can discharge as bolts of lightning, which sometimes ignite forest fires... that kind of thing. Collectively such phenomena are called "weather." Most of the time it's relatively pleasant, and you can usually figure out when an exception is coming up by watching how the locals respond. 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' If everybody else is running for cover, don't just stand around gawking.

>>678042
>non-matron surface females
Possibly also males! Beyond lust or simple companionship, there is a protective feeling involved, and... well, love is complicated. Most likely no two people would explain it the same way. It's easier to understand once you've had some extended practical examples. Any time you notice someone behaving strangely around allies, children, previous or potential mates, etc., just pay close attention and keep an open mind. You'll figure it out eventually.

>Approach openly, on the path, so any guards aren't surprised and see you as a traveler, not a sneaky enemy.
As an additional measure to make it absolutely clear that you are not attempting to be sneaky, consider singing a cheerful song as you walk.
>>
No. 678118 ID: defceb
File 144531613626.png - (70.10KB , 529x589 , e03.png )
678118

>day star
Sounds horrible, I hope not to meet it.

>Love: enjoying the company of non-matron surface females who choose not to harm you.
>non-matron surface females
>choose not to harm you
>enjoying the company
>Possibly also males!
I don’t understand.
>>
No. 678119 ID: defceb
File 144531616570.png - (69.84KB , 670x466 , e04.png )
678119

I approach the uh…

>DORFs
>DORF FORT

...dort fort? and give firm knock. A small metal flap opens nearby. “Hello?” I say in most polite of drow tongue. “I am cook. Seeking work.” They belch loudly in response. Is... that the normal reply?
>>
No. 678122 ID: 5ad4a7

Ummmmmm, show coin?
>>
No. 678123 ID: 3663d3

if asked about stance on trees say you don't care for them.
>>
No. 678175 ID: 2eeb65

>My name is Go’ran Nikolic
Ask if this fort is called Liberty City
>>
No. 678179 ID: 43f06c

"im taking that as a yes?"
>>
No. 678181 ID: 066a87

>>678119
Name meals you can prepare which go well with alcohol and which alcohols they go well with.
>>
No. 678182 ID: 88960e

>They belch loudly in response. Is... that the normal reply?
Yes, dorfs revel in base physicality. They show respect differently than the formal etiquette of your home.

Also, they use alcohol in nearly all of their rites and cultural rituals.
>>
No. 678195 ID: 7990f0

>Is... that the normal reply?
It would not be an unusual reply for a dorf, but it is possible they did not understand you. Do you know any other languages in which you can repeat yourself to make sure?

>I don’t understand.
You have liked things before, right? Love is similar to liking a person, but more so.
>>
No. 678198 ID: 88960e

>I don’t understand.
There were times things weren't hurting you, right? Imagine that but more of it. A wondrous pattern instead of a happy accident.
>>
No. 678221 ID: a107fd

Swallow some air, reciprocate with a belch of your own. Say again that you are a cook, you make meat and plants and things into food. You can pull your weight, you just want a place to stay. Say that if they need no cook nor maid nor laborer you can pay in coin. Ask how long it is until dawn.

>>678118
>Sounds horrible, I hope not to meet it.
You won't. It's closer than other stars but still extremely far away. Hold out your hand at arm's length, and touch thumb to forefinger; if the daystar ever approaches close enough that it appears larger than the inside of the circle made thus, that would be an unambiguous sign - would actually in itself be sufficient cause - of the imminent end of the entire world. No, you will not meet the daystar. You will, however, most likely see it up there at some point. Simply avert your eyes and go about your business.
>>
No. 678422 ID: defceb
File 144539375541.png - (54.13KB , 1000x410 , e05.png )
678422

>Ask if this fort is called Liberty City
Hm, I do feel an urge to go bowling.

>more day star
A monster that lives extremely far away but can stab my eyes from such distance and would destroy the world if it got closer? That sounds truly abominable perhaps some adventurers will set out to slay it. Truly their heroism would be well rewarded, no?

>Yes, dorfs revel in base physicality. They show respect differently than the formal etiquette of >your home.
Also, they use alcohol in nearly all of their rites and cultural rituals.
>reciprocate with a belch of your own.
I give a belch in reply and list the various meals I can cook to eat with alcohol. Dorfs on the other side mumble to each other. Surface manners are strange.

>Ummmmmm, show coin?’
I slip coin into hatch. A nearby door opens up. Must be fine craftsmanship. Did not even see when closed.
>>
No. 678423 ID: defceb
File 144539377157.png - (174.39KB , 974x521 , e06.png )
678423

I walk into the dorf fort. Those are dorfs? They look like dwarves, but I was told dwarves eat stone and wear drow skull. They are very short though. Why would short people make such tall building?

“Ahem” one of them speaks up. They are wearing fancier armor and have a smoother face- AH! Surface matron! I am not bowing in respect. Maybe if I beg forgiveness they won’t flog me?
>>
No. 678424 ID: 0fc976

No. In dorf culture, you are supposed to mock dorfs without beard. This will earn you, how you say, 'respect' with other dorfs.
>>
No. 678425 ID: 5ad4a7

>>678423
Yeah, grovel on the ground and beg forgiveness, and all that.
>>
No. 678426 ID: 2c1886

>>678423
Beg for forgiveness and begin the kissing of the boots! Perhaps if you place your head beneath the sole of the matron's boot before the matron gets mad she may crush your head slightly less!
>>
No. 678427 ID: 025c3c

>I was told dwarves eat stone and wear drow skull
Stones taste bad and skull helms don't fit well. And drow skulls don't have any cool horns or anything!

>I am not bowing in respect. Maybe if I beg forgiveness they won’t flog me?
Yes, throw yourself down and ask their forgiveness, see if they beat you.
>>
No. 678431 ID: cd369a

Prostrate yourself with much force to hopefully reduce your punishment for disrespecting the surface matron.
>>
No. 678432 ID: 0f1c4d

Groveling probably wouldn't hurt. If they ask if you are on the run assure them you are not valuable enough for anyone to come after you.

>That sounds truly abominable perhaps some adventurers will set out to slay it. Truly their heroism would be well rewarded, no?
Ah, but therein lies the most fiendish trick of the day star: if it were to die, its death throes would burn the world to ash in moments.

>They look like dwarves, but I was told dwarves eat stone and wear drow skull.
Well obviously that is why they are dorfs and not dwarves.

>supposed to mock dorfs without beard.
The matter of dorf matron beards is the cause of more than one civil war. Do not mention it.
>>
No. 678470 ID: defceb
File 144540809767.png - (99.96KB , 712x501 , e07.png )
678470

>Ah, but therein lies the most fiendish trick of the day star: if it were to die, its death throes would burn the world to ash in moments
How terrible! I’ve heard of no more vile beast.

>In dorf culture, you are supposed to mock dorfs without beard.
>This will earn you, how you say, 'respect' with other dorfs.
Respect is good! I will try to be tough, like dorf. “I was told dorf matrons are supposed to have beards.”
>>
No. 678471 ID: defceb
File 144540811073.png - (129.94KB , 683x637 , e08.png )
678471

PAIN

“I was told drow males were supposed to have dicks. I guess we’re both wrong.”
>>
No. 678472 ID: defceb
File 144540816884.png - (126.34KB , 705x450 , e09.png )
678472

By the time the pain subsides, I’ve already been lead to her office. She is sitting behind desk reviewing papers. “So you are…?

“I am Go’ran Nikolic, I’ve come seeking new life!”I say between pained gasps. Dorf punch very strong. Still can’t feel legs. “I am capable cook and cleaner. I pull own weight, just want a place to live and work.”

“...right. Well, I’m going to be honest with you here. People don’t generally like your kind above ground. But I can at least respect someone with the balls to talk beards to my face, so I’ll give you a shot. We’ve got two openings I think you could fill.”

“Option A: there’s an old tavern at the heart of town run by a lady named Sprocket Fizzboom. She’s an innkeep by day and alchemist by night type of gal, and needs another hand to help her out ever since her last assistant got killed in a bar brawl. Option B, there's a wizard who needs a new assistant again. Don’t ask what happened to the last one, trust me. On the bright side, you’d be working for a wizard. On the down side, you’d be working for a wizard. So, what’ll it be?”
>>
No. 678473 ID: 3663d3

A A A A,
a wizard that loses one assistant in a way that can't be talked about, will eventually lose several, you don't want to be one of them.

at least this 'brawl' is a thing you can handle.
>>
No. 678474 ID: f2461f

Option A please.
>>
No. 678477 ID: f0e552

>>678472
Uh, Didn't know dorfs learn magic?
>>
No. 678478 ID: 99cfa8

Wizard has already gone through more than one assistant. Let's not be another loss.
>>
No. 678485 ID: 872cfb

Wizard. Where's your sense of adventure?
>>
No. 678492 ID: 8f3110

Fizzboom? Sounds Svirfneblin-ish. Maybe you could bond over talks about cave country.

You certainly know what an alchemist is, but are you certain what an inn is?
>>
No. 678494 ID: defceb
File 144541651593.png - (239.90KB , 1000x680 , e10.png )
678494

>You certainly know what an alchemist is, but are you certain what an inn is?
I think I read about them in a book once. They’re places adventurers go for quests, drinks, and woman. Don’t tell matron I read those books. They were ‘trashy romance’, and therefore forbidden. But I read them anyway, sshhh

“I thought dorfs not learn magic.”

“I have no idea what that wizard actually is, but they’re certainly not a ‘dorf’.”

“I’ll choose inn. Wizard sounds scary.”

“Alright, follow me.”
>>
No. 678495 ID: defceb
File 144541656197.png - (22.61KB , 267x493 , E11.png )
678495

“...and here is the inn.”

“I work here?”

“If the owner decides to let you. They may come off as… eccentric.” They knock on the door and shortly after someone cracks open the door. They’re short, too. Why is everyone here so short, and why do they build such big buildings?

“Sprocket Fizzboom’s alchemy and inn. If you’ve come for the inn you’re late and if you’ve come for the alchemy you’re too early.”

“I brought someone interested in the job offer.”

“You found an alchemist with low moral standards?”

“...the innkeep job.”

“...oh” They turn to me. “Can you cook? Clean? Do you have low moral standards and aren’t afraid to fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor? Also, can you start tonight?”
>>
No. 678496 ID: 5ad4a7

>>678495
...uh how good are you at fighting?
>>
No. 678497 ID: 8f3110

Tell her that your moral standards are so low that you once drank milk directly from the canteen. Without your old mistress allowing it.

I suppose you're good at non-lethal combat if you had to deal with all those spiders interfering with your cooking and cleaning.
>>
No. 678502 ID: 0ed6e9

>Can you cook?
yes

>Clean?
yes

>Do you have low moral standards
probably

>and aren’t afraid to fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor?
Afraid, no, fight... Well I know how to take a beating if that counts.

>Also, can you start tonight?
can I start sooner?
>>
No. 678504 ID: ad936f

The people are short because they're dorfs, they build tall buildings to accommodate big people like you.

>>678502
this
>>
No. 678511 ID: 88960e

>Can you cook? Clean?
Yes I have much practice being forced to do those things.

>Do you have low moral standards
What are moral standards. Are these things I am allowed to have? I have very little so is probably low.

>aren’t afraid to fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor?
Am afraid of almost everything, but used to being so.

>Also, can you start tonight?
"Tonight"? Not "immediately"? I am allowed a chance to rest? Truly great kindness.
>>
No. 678566 ID: 2eeb65

We can cook, clean, and pretend we're a cute dark elf girl~
>>
No. 678587 ID: a107fd

>>678470
>How terrible! I’ve heard of no more vile beast.
Well, it's not all bad news. Weather is a big part of why it's easier to grow food on the surface, and the daystar's radiance keeps mindflayers and undead and such from spreading as freely as they do where you're from.

>>678495
>fight drunkards clad tooth to nail in arms and armor
"So everyone attempting to injure me will be slowed by alcohol poisoning, and I'm even allowed to defend myself? Sounds great!"
>>
No. 678588 ID: 8f3110

>>678566
>cute
>dark elf
>girl
Pick none.
>>
No. 678591 ID: 025c3c

>>678566
We're totally ending up in a maid outfit, aren't we.
>>
No. 678592 ID: 43f06c

CAN you fight drunkards??
>>
No. 678737 ID: 2eeb65

>>678587
>and the daystar's radiance keeps mindflayers and undead and such from spreading as freely as they do where you're from.
That's because Daystar is so terrifying even the undead and the mindflayers are afraid of it.
>>
No. 678744 ID: 088824

>>678588
CTRL+F says we're a drow (dark elf) and he looks cute to me.
>>
No. 678761 ID: 1412b9

>>678744
The joke.





Your head.
>>
No. 679928 ID: defceb
File 144607110925.png - (111.07KB , 628x394 , E12.png )
679928

>the daystar's radiance keeps mindflayers and undead and such from spreading as freely as they do where you're from.
>That's because Daystar is so terrifying even the undead and the mindflayers are afraid of it.
I’m afraid of it now, too.

“I cook, I clean, and my morals are so low that one time I drank milk directly from canteen.” She gasps. “As for adventurers, am afraid of almost everything but used to being so. Defending myself will be nice change of pace.”

She swings open the doors. “You’re hired. There’s a closet or something around here that you can unload and rest in. You get an hour break starting now and then get to cleaning. Don’t go upstairs, adventurers sleep there and they’re scary. Don’t go in back either, I do science there.”

A loud bang echos out from the back. “Speaking of science.” Sprocket runs off.

Dorf lady leans toward me. “I don’t think she’s had a full nights sleep since her last assistant died, so you may need to be a little patient with her. But she means well. I think.” What nice people on surface. “And if you hurt her I’ll hang you by the balls out the front gate.” Nevermind.
>>
No. 679929 ID: 5ad4a7

>>679928
Note taken.

Go inside and find that closet.
>>
No. 679930 ID: 12b273

Explore, find your closet and rest. A whole hour!

>What nice people on surface. “And if you hurt her I’ll hang you by the balls out the front gate.” Nevermind.
What? They're super nice. Could you imagine that light a punishment for harming a female underground?
>>
No. 679999 ID: 3663d3

dude, your own room!
>>
No. 680012 ID: 67d5dc

I wonder if it the fear of the daystar that drives them to be so friendly and community oriented?
>>
No. 680025 ID: 0ed6e9

find your closet and see what it has to offer. Maybe she'll even let you keep what's inside of it since she said it would be ours.
>>
No. 680035 ID: 2a7417

Make sure is closet is free of spiders.
>>
No. 680094 ID: 225f37

>>680035
Well, unless they like spiders. In which case, hope there are spiders in there.

In any case, find said space, and do what you can to comfify it in an hour.
>>
No. 680131 ID: defceb
File 144618273218.png - (81.96KB , 466x470 , e13.png )
680131

>What? They're super nice. Could you imagine that light a punishment for harming a female underground?
Fair point. Fate much worse back home. Relatively light punishment is a plus, I suppose.

I find a small closet. It's just barely large enough to stand and lie down in. There's a pile of pillows and blankets in the corner, and some old clothes hanging on the wall. They smell strange and have blood stain. Other stains, too. I poke pillow and spider runs out. Feels like home.
>>
No. 680137 ID: 5ad4a7

>>680131
Sort through the blankets and pillows, decide what you want to use as bedding. Maybe put some of your stuff down in here, then go out and explore the town a bit I guess. Unless you're tired, and would like to just sit and rest?
>>
No. 680152 ID: 46df9e

Examine the quality of these other stains. Your predecessor died in a brawl, so that's where the blood came from. The other stains could be a hint of other job hazards.
>>
No. 680155 ID: 88960e

Establish small shrine for spider.

Determine if you need the bloodstained clothes or if there are enough clean other ones to use tonight. If necessary, clean stains.

After that, set your internal alarm clock and curl up in the clothes pile.
>>
No. 680156 ID: 5ad638

Yes. >>680152
Organize small closet and then relax for the hour you're given, and then seek out whatever youre supposed to do.
>>
No. 680313 ID: a107fd

Fifteen minutes to arrange bedding for personal comfort and fold stain-starched clothes into a mini spider shrine up on the shelf, half an hour to rest tired leg muscles while meditating on the background noises of your new home, ten minutes to get dressed for work instead of travel and mentally review relevant skills, and finally, make a good impression on your first day by showing up five minutes early.
>>
No. 680412 ID: defceb
File 144632879629.png - (81.11KB , 466x470 , e14.png )
680412

>Establish small shrine for spider.
Done!

>Examine the quality of these other stains.
Burn marks, acid stains, blood stains, minor petrification, bite marks, knife wounds, total petrification, and one shirt partially phased out of existence.

>Half an hour to rest tired leg muscles while meditating on the background noises of your new home
Resting feels quite nice. I spend the half hour listening in on conversations that slip through walls. Many whispers talking about plundering dungeons and fighting strange monsters. More whispers of treasure found on the way. Adventurer talk? I was always told adventurers were cruel, greedy lots who would kill me and take whatever gold I had in my purse just for the ‘experience’. Maybe related to dragons, inherited all the greed and wrath of their kind. Now I am very worried about new job.
>>
No. 680413 ID: defceb
File 144632880581.png - (43.25KB , 349x374 , e15.png )
680413

Time to get dressed for work.
>>
No. 680414 ID: 12b273

>I was always told adventurers were cruel, greedy lots who would kill me and take whatever gold I had in my purse just for the ‘experience’
Yes, but now you're in a place where adventures spend gold, not earn gold, so you're safer from them.

>>680413
Frilly french maid dress.
>>
No. 680416 ID: 89941a
File 144632944266.png - (33.57KB , 322x368 , kisschef.png )
680416

>>680413
5000 hours in SAI, etc. etc.
>>
No. 680417 ID: 1d7e9c

Find some butler-ish outfit.
>>
No. 680437 ID: 0fc976

You'll probably need a metal suit of armor to survive your first day on the job.
>>
No. 680442 ID: 90f3c0
File 144633396721.png - (34.09KB , 349x374 , meido.png )
680442

There's only one appropriate outfit for a servant.
>>
No. 680446 ID: 1d7e9c

>>680414
>>680442
Why do you guys want to turn him into what he fears the most?
>>
No. 680449 ID: d3c0e8
File 144633714104.png - (47.71KB , 349x374 , toredraw.png )
680449

what, dress up as a female? while in a serving position???
something simple, so your clothing doesnt get caught in mad science, with fingerless gloves because they are cool (i made boots and gloves colored grey so its obvious that theyre not flip flops and weird bracelets)
>>
No. 680470 ID: f56624
File 144634421245.png - (27.96KB , 349x374 , the bigge man.png )
680470

I think we should try for something more in-line with our heritage as a dark elf male, but with enough room for us to feel...
..
....Humungus.
>>
No. 680536 ID: 225f37

>>680449
This I like.
>>
No. 680547 ID: e4abe1
File 144636030143.jpg - (61.07KB , 349x374 , New Canvas.jpg )
680547

>>
No. 680557 ID: 544c23
File 144636848666.png - (62.04KB , 613x374 , Dwarven maido Outfit.png )
680557

Since you are stranded in a dwarven city, you should try to fit in. And since you are working at a tavern, you might want to try the real deal: Sexy dwarven maid outfits. It's a bit indecent for the normal dwarven standards, but we all know that sex sells. As long as you remember not to go out in the streets with this!
>>
No. 680565 ID: e4abe1
File 144637162150.png - (613.26KB , 1600x1200 , drtunkcanvas.png )
680565

>>680547
better detail on the outfit..rule 63 version...
>>
No. 680855 ID: a107fd

+1 vote for frilly yet modest maid outfit, but with the partially-phased (transparent?) shirt over the top. It might provide some protection against exotic magical attacks, or at least serve as an ablative layer.

>>680446
This is a new life, a chance to be on top of the heap! Or further from the bottom at least. Dress up like a powerful woman who's lured all these rowdy adventurers into her lair and is providing them with food as part of a larger scheme, and carry yourself as though every spot in those clothes that could be concealing a weapon, actually is. Going into a scary situation, you need all the confidence you can get.
>>
No. 681489 ID: defceb
File 144670624595.png - (63.21KB , 388x290 , e16.png )
681489

So many clothes, so little time.
>>
No. 681490 ID: defceb
File 144670645461.png - (91.26KB , 595x390 , e17.png )
681490

>This is a new life, a chance to be on top of the heap! Or further from the bottom at least. Dress up like a powerful woman who's lured all these rowdy adventurers into her lair and is providing them with food as part of a larger scheme, and carry yourself as though every spot in those clothes that could be concealing a weapon, actually is. Going into a scary situation, you need all the confidence you can get.

Brilliant! I get dressed and am ready for work five minutes early. I wait five minutes. Then five minutes more. Then ten. Sprocket is late.
>>
No. 681491 ID: f56624

>>681490
Keep waiting?
>>
No. 681492 ID: 5ad4a7

Go check to see if she is dead.
>>
No. 681495 ID: 0fc976

Use the time to change back into a set of more expendable clothes.
>>
No. 681503 ID: f0e552

>>681490
Pick up the pace! Move it! You're late!

Wait, you know where to go right? Ask a dwarf.
>>
No. 681528 ID: a107fd

Why are you still standing there waiting? Sprocket did not say you should expect her to be back in an hour, she said "and then get to cleaning." Get to it!

First priority is sweeping away any broken glass, since it's insidious, then mopping up spilled booze and removing damaged furniture from places people will be walking, since those present both a hazard to traffic and a fire risk. Next is bloodstains, vomit, and other biological spills, for traffic and sanitation, then putting undamaged furniture, bottles, etc. back in the proper places, then washing dirty dishes, and finally assorted dusting and polishing as time permits. Overall, make the place look nice, learn your way around, and figure out what you can be doing now that'll save you and your co-workers trouble later.
>>
No. 681529 ID: 8ebdb8

>>681528
I second this motion.
>>
No. 681533 ID: 88960e

>>681490
Begin cleaning in preparation for guests.

Maybe knock on mistress's door and remind her you are in need of orders, if she isn't busy.
>>
No. 681561 ID: 2eeb65

>>681489
>>681490
So do we have two outfits now?
>>
No. 682905 ID: defceb
File 144714590243.png - (142.01KB , 829x432 , e18.png )
682905

>Why are you still standing there waiting? Sprocket did not say you should expect her to be back in an hour, she said "and then get to cleaning." Get to it!

O-okay! I get to cleaning!

I sweep up glass, of which there is a lot, and mop up spilled booze, of which there is also a lot. Next goes the bottles and broken furniture, still laying around. I note much of broken furniture looks like it was used as improvised weapon, judging from blood splatter. Then I start sweeping up the variety of bloodstains, spilled potions, vomit, piles of pixie dust, dropped coins (which I pocket, don’t tell anyone), and other objects. Along the way, I discover dwarf sleeping under on corner table, and I wipe vomit off of their face as well. They’re too drunk to notice.
>>
No. 682906 ID: defceb
File 144714591479.png - (216.70KB , 762x688 , e19.png )
682906

Suddenly, someone slams open the door to the inn.

“Innkeep! We’ve returned from our brave and dangerous adventures full of cash and ancient treasures. Now we seek alcohol, food, and attractive men! Not necessarily in that order but all three are mandatory.”

I look over and spot a seemingly random collection of ragtag people who probably share conflicting beliefs and carry unreasonable amount of magical item and power upon their person.

Oh no.

Adventurers.
>>
No. 682907 ID: 3663d3

you are in the inn, it's like base. if anyone starts shit over you not being a regular race call them racist.
>>
No. 682908 ID: f56624

Flex.
>>
No. 682911 ID: 5ad4a7

>>682906
Oh no you're an attractive man! You're on the menu!

Anyway I think now it is time for you to go get the innkeep. Tell the adventurers to just wait a moment.
>>
No. 682919 ID: b5b419

>>682906
Say "Just a moment~ Have a seat"
Find Sprocket. Wiggle butt at adventurers in process.
>>
No. 682924 ID: ca183f

>>682906
Step one: DON'T PANIC.

Step two: locate your towel.
>>
No. 682928 ID: a107fd

Bow politely, welcome them inside, lead them to the bar, serve up some day-old salted bread and cheap watery booze to get them started, then go find your boss.

If your boss is missing or confirmed dead, you will need to figure out how much things should cost, and start cooking. Preferably something slow and tolerant of interruptions in your attention, so you can safely run back and forth flirting and topping off drinks to keep them happy until the main course is ready.

Remember: This is your new life. These adventurers have walked right into your web. You are in control. Show no fear, but stay alert and mobile even as you entice them into slackening their own defenses. Feed them, flatter them, tangle them up in their own pride and gluttony. Make them compete with each other for your attention. Drain the silver and gold out of their purses so gently they'd thank you for lightening the load. And most of all, smile!
>>
No. 682929 ID: 548a94

"just a moment! Have a seat!" And go find sprocket!!
>>
No. 682954 ID: 2f5a7c

I hope you're sexually fluid because those can be either men or women as far as we know. It's hard to say with all that equipment.

"Welcome! Please, have a seat.

May I know your tastes in all three so that I can check with the innkeep if we can accommodate you the best we can?"
>>
No. 682956 ID: 2eeb65

Say "Am I attractive?~ uguu~"
>>
No. 682962 ID: d0193f

Sprocketget!
>>
No. 682966 ID: 88960e

>>682906
Seat them and go search for booze and food.

Dunno where you'll find an attractive man. You clearly aren't special, the matrons made that clear.
>>
No. 682980 ID: c23d58

Stay calm; remember that in here you are not a drow but SERVING WENCH, BRINGER OF BOOZE. So long as they desire the drink you provide (which is almost always), even the most murdersome adventurer will balk at the thought of (intentionally) injuring you.
>>
No. 683055 ID: 12b273

>attractive men
Men? Plural? But as far as you're aware, you're the only man employed here, attractive or anyways!
>>
No. 683450 ID: defceb
File 144731079450.png - (101.41KB , 532x425 , e20.png )
683450

>Remember: This is your new life. These adventurers have walked right into your web. You are in control.
Yes!

>Stay calm; remember that in here you are not a drow but SERVING WENCH, BRINGER OF BOOZE
I can do this!

>Drain the silver and gold out of their purses so gently they'd thank you for lightening the load. And most of all, smile!
I am strong independant dark elf, and I don’t need no man!

>Oh no you're an attractive man! You're on the menu!
I am now less certain of my ability to do this.

I smile and bow, then direct them to bar. “Have a seat! I will find innkeep, just one moment~”
“You should check the back. I hear they live in there.” says lady gnome behind counter.
“They said I couldn’t go there!”
“Try the fifth room up top, then. There’s a paladin sleeping up there that would love to meet a pretty dark elf like you.”
“But I’m looking for Sprocket.”
“Paladins are super hot, though.”
>>
No. 683451 ID: 5ad4a7

>>683450
Oh wait you have a coworker. Ask if you SHOULD go bother Sprocket. Otherwise just ask what you should be doing, are you the waiter? Taking down orders then delivering them is easy enough.

They didn't ask for rooms so as long as there's a barkeep I guess we're okay.
>>
No. 683456 ID: 225f37

>>683451
Seconding all of this.
>>
No. 683480 ID: f61b8d

Er...she IS a coworker, right? She's not just some random gnome that wandered behind the counter, is she? If she's a coworker, she probably knows the drill, and can give you instructions. And hopefully won't lead you astray.
>>
No. 683484 ID: a107fd

Lady gnome behind counter is drinking from a mug which says "#1 boss." I suspect she is, in fact, Sprocket Fizzboom, your employer, whom you have failed to recognize without the mask and goggles. She is teasing you about this misunderstanding.

Play along, pretending not to realize it's her until someone unambiguously points it out. If you're on your best behavior even when you think the boss isn't watching, that is strong evidence of your loyalty and trustworthiness.

Knock on the door to the back room and shout "customers are here!" but don't actually open it, which is both within the letter of your previous orders and consistent with the spirit of passing important information up the chain of command. Anxiously explain to the 'barkeep' that it's your first day so you don't have the food selection and wine list memorized yet. Continue cleaning, as opportunities permit.
>>
No. 683515 ID: 88960e

>>683450
But if I go see this very warm person, who will get these guests their food and attractive men?
>>
No. 684288 ID: defceb
File 144765961294.png - (167.76KB , 707x580 , e21.png )
684288

>Play along, pretending not to realize it's her until someone unambiguously points it out.
>Knock on the door to the back room and shout "customers are here!" but don't actually open it
I go off to knock at Sprocket’s door and call out for her. With no response I instead wandering around the place calling her name.

“You’re… going to tell them you’re Sprocket, right?”
“Maybe later. I like to watch newbies run around. It’s cute.”
“So about that drink.”
“Work doesn’t start until the coffee stops. HEY NEWBIE!”

At probablySprocket’s call I return to the bar. She takes a long swig of her own drink then points at the three adventurers. “Drinks. Fetch.”

“Of course!” I reply. “What would you like?”

“Something strong.” Say the lady in armor.
“Something sweet.” Says the kobold.
“You are a dark elf. Is it true that you flay your enemies and eat their skin?“ Says the hooded one. The kobold elbows them. “Er, I mean, is it true that your dicks-” The kobold pulls them down by the hood and whispers in their ear. “Oh! I desire a drink that is warm and does not cause rust when exposed to iron. Not that I am concerned about rust. Us normal people don’t have to worry about that stuff. Yeap.”
>>
No. 684299 ID: a107fd

One whiskey, one mead, one hot mug of motor oil. Coming right up!
>>
No. 684313 ID: 225f37

>>684299
Alternately, perhaps pure rubbing alcohol, as it may be somewhat more appropriate for their human facade.
>>
No. 684319 ID: f0e552

>>684288
Hmm, maybe we should try and redox this nerd. I don't know how we can rust him without him knowing though, maybe lace his drink with water? If we rust him we can sell him a nice zinc paint to fix it right up.
>>
No. 684320 ID: 99ca2b

>>684299
Why not old cooking grease? It should be found in the kitchen. Just warm it up a bit and serve.
>>
No. 684323 ID: 51280d

Don't be rude to surfacers that grant you work and answer their questions.
Tell them that flaying the enemies isn't uncommon as matrons forgive nothing, but you only eat the skin of certain enemies, such as mindflayers.

Find metaxa for the armoured lady,ouzo for the kobold and...you can't give anything alcoholic to the hooded one as alcohol attracts water which does cause rust. Turn on the charm and point out that they shouldn't worry that much about rust as everything oxidises, so why bother with caution when it conflicts with merriment?
>>
No. 684386 ID: 12b273

>Is it true that you flay your enemies and eat their skin?
You didn't get to do any flaying or skin eating. That was reserved for your betters.

>>684299
Check check check.
>>
No. 684406 ID: ad936f

Okay, what the hell is that hooded guy? All I can think of is warforged, but those aren't even in this setting. Thoughts?

The lady in armor wants an improvised explosive, the kobold wants Go’ran, and the hooded guy wants liquid metal.
>>
No. 684426 ID: 2eeb65

>“Er, I mean, is it true that your dicks-”
Once you go drow, to not go back you'll vow.
>>
No. 685562 ID: defceb
File 144842021528.png - (236.94KB , 1000x468 , e22.png )
685562

>One whiskey, one mead, one hot mug of motor oil. Coming right up!
>The lady in armor wants an improvised explosive, the kobold wants Go’ran, and the hooded guy wants liquid metal.
>the kobold wants Go’ran,

I pass a glass of whiskey to the armored lady. She looks confused and says, “What do I look like, a light drinker?” I swap it for a larger glass of whiskey. That seems to please her.

For the hooded lady I pass a warm mug of oil. She promptly splashes it against her… face? She seems to like it.

The kobold lady looks at the other two and then back to me, saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but my drink…?”

I strike pose and say, “I am sweet~” The armored lady shouts ‘OOOOOOOHHHHH’ and playfully punches the kobold’s shoulder, who is now hiding under their hat and blushing. I didn’t know kobolds were capable of blushing, I thought they only felt fear, greed, and anger. Then I pour her some mead.

Sprocket tugs me by the ear down to her level and whispers. “These three are repeat customers. Consider it a test run for tonight, if they’re happy then you can keep the job. Also, I recommend finding whatever adventure information you can from them. Newbies are always looking for ‘rumors’ and ‘plot hooks’” She makes air quotes with her fingers.
>>
No. 685572 ID: 86cfc3

>I didn’t know kobolds were capable of blushing, I thought they only felt fear, greed, and anger.
Hey, where do you think new kobolds came from? Stuff happens after blushing! Blushing is a necessary prerequisite!

>Also, I recommend finding whatever adventure information you can from them
Ask them what they've been up to, or if they have any heroic tales to share.
>>
No. 685579 ID: ad936f

Hooks?! Oh no, I didn't think they had hooks on the surface! Maybe they won't be as bad as the hooks back home, maybe they use them for something innocuous, like fishing.
>>
No. 685648 ID: a107fd

Ask about where they've been, and whether any of those ancient treasures were too heavy, had to be left behind. Wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at opportune moments during the subsequent discussion.

Consider attempting to one-up their stories with your own tale of daring escape.
>>
No. 685709 ID: defceb
File 144849162602.png - (151.46KB , 673x575 , e23.png )
685709

>Hey, where do you think new kobolds came from?
They… grow out of the ground like a fungus, right?

>Ask them what they've been up to, or if they have any heroic tales to share.
>Wiggle your eyebrows suggestively at opportune moments during the subsequent discussion.
“So, have you been on any grand adventures lately?”

The armored lady slams her fist into the bar and shouts with excitement. “Have we!? Well do I have a tale to tell you, oddly dark skinned elf!”

The kobold speaks up, “They’re a drow.”

“Nonsense! Drows have sharp fangs, wear the skins of their children, and eat the heads off of men once they’re done mating with them!” Two out of three isn’t bad, but I don’t feel safe correcting her. She slams her now empty glass in front of me. “Keep ‘er filled, elf, and I’ll tell you how we defeated the…”

[ 1 ] Despotic and cruel warlord, ravaging the countryside and hoarding it’s wealth in his castle in a search for his childhood teddybear. (Low level)
[ 2 ] Evil and fabulously wealthy lich lord laying waste to wide swaths of lands playing their ‘rpg wargames’’ with actual golems and zombies against a rival lich. (Mid-level, double lich danger warning.)
[ 3 ] Horrible(ly rich) dragon with limitless magical power and no sense of scale or morality destroying countless realms in an attempt to appease their high-school crush. (High level, dragons have less sense of right and wrong than wizards warning.)
[ 4 ] Tarrasque (Epic level journey.)
>>
No. 685713 ID: 39f669

We gotta get in on this double lich action.
>>
No. 685714 ID: 86cfc3

Double liches.
>>
No. 685717 ID: d4a2dc

2 Lich 2 Furious
>>
No. 685718 ID: cf91e4

Go with the litches! That story sounds believable. (I want to see how you draw a tarrasque though)
>>
No. 685719 ID: d57162

Life is a Lich 2
>>
No. 685720 ID: 456d6c

Go with one or two, we're trying to get information about so easy low level adventures for the new adventurers who come in, if we start them to high they'll most likely not come back meaning we lose business
>>
No. 685769 ID: defceb
File 144852926912.png - (85.56KB , 726x597 , e24.png )
685769

“... Evil and fabulously wealthy lich lord laying waste to wide swaths of lands playing their ‘rpg wargames’’ with actual golems and zombies against a rival lich! Truly a harrowing tale!” They finish their drink quickly, and demand another. The kobold rubbing their face into the palm of their hand, muttering ‘here we go’ under their breath.

“The three of set out as soon as we had heard the news, braving dangerous realms and fighting many strange beasts. Once we arrived we saw the liches had marked the pavement in large, even squares and had only one soldier per square. They were playing a game with very particular rules, and being liches they had no sense of how their game was impacting the local kingdom.”

“So naturally we have to go kill them and steal everything they had of value!” She accentuates her point by dropping a large, heavy book on the bar. It’s covered in gold filigree and gemstones, with three locks along the side. “Like this! A priceless treasure! But first, we came up with the clever plan to…”

[ 1 ] Send them both a fake letter inviting them to a secret, lich-only, phylactery party.
[ 2 ] Send them both a real letter challenge them to a manly boxing match
[ 3 ] Teamed up with another adventurer and his partner Gunther, who will go challenge the other Lich. They need to go save a princess over there or something, anyway.
[ 4 ] SCREW PLANS WE CHARGED THEIR UNDEAD ASSES.
>>
No. 685772 ID: 96e454

2] The secret to fighting liches is realising they're incredibly jaded and unable to resist novelty. They simply can't help themselves.
>>
No. 685773 ID: a22f87

>>685769
2
>>
No. 685794 ID: 39f669

3
Number two.
>>
No. 685904 ID: 86cfc3

2, and peer at the book she dropped. Is it anything you might have overheard the mistresses talking about? They were always into creepy dark art stuff.
>>
No. 685911 ID: ad936f

pshh, 2 easily.
>>
No. 686050 ID: 424ed5

FOUR
LEEEEEROOOOOYYYYYYYY
>>
No. 686136 ID: ca183f

>>685769
3 but actually 4
>>
No. 686201 ID: defceb
File 144878879966.png - (291.64KB , 885x533 , e25.png )
686201

“...challenge them to a boxing match! Naturally, Liches are incredibly jaded and couldn’t possibly resist the novelty! They were quick to respond. With their magic they raised a boxing ring and were ready to fight in no time!” She stands upon the stool and makes mock punching moves. I’m refilling her glass for what feels like the hundredth time.

>peer at the book she dropped. Is it anything you might have overheard the mistresses talking about? They were always into creepy dark art stuff.
I sneakily nudge the book closer to me and glance over the cover. It’s written in a demonic language, and appears to be a children’s fairytale book. It will probably look like a spellbook to anyone who can’t read it, though.

“So there we were, toe to toe with some of the meanest liches in town. Being undead may not have helped their strength, but being all bones meant these two were real light on their feet. They were practically dancing around us the whole time. Then POW! BAM!” She thrusts her fists out, almost hitting other patrons. By now more adventurers had filed in, taking up a good portion of the seating. Sprocket is running around with a multitude of bottles under each arm. “I knocked one of their heads clean off! But then they…”

[ 1 ] Cheated and used their magical powers to destroy everything. Fortunately, they missed us and we were able to pick out all this loot from the ruins.
[ 2 ] Demanded their endless ranks of minions to join the fight. I beat them all up, of course. Meanwhile the other two stole everything from the now defenseless towers.
[ 3 ] Got beat up like the nerds they were and then we took their lunch money.
[ 4 ] Were so intimidated that they confessed their true love for eachother. It was very sweet, the wedding is next week. Also, we stole all their shit while they were making out.
>>
No. 686207 ID: a22f87

2 ] Demanded their endless ranks of minions to join the fight. I beat them all up, of course. Meanwhile the other two stole everything from the now defenseless towers.
>[ 4 ] Were so intimidated that they confessed their true love for eachother. It was very sweet, the wedding is next week. Also, we stole all their shit while they were making out.
Can we combine these two? They seem to work well together.
>>
No. 686208 ID: cc240e

>>686201
2, definitely.
>>
No. 686214 ID: ad936f

>>686207
yes!
>>
No. 686221 ID: 86cfc3

4
>>
No. 686223 ID: b7e14a

>>686207
Yeah, why not?
>>
No. 686224 ID: 39f669

>>686207
I support both as well.
>>
No. 686226 ID: c1b316

2 & 4
>>
No. 686527 ID: defceb
File 144903632119.png - (57.53KB , 733x368 , e26.png )
686527

“...were so intimidated that they finally confessed their true love for eachother! It would have been very romantic, had they not immediately ordered all their minions to charge us so they could run off and elope. Naturally, I beat them all up.” She flexes her arms. Each one seems thicker than my head. “Meanwhile my noble companions looted both of the towers!”

A variety of faces are now decorating the inn. Tall, small, just plain weird. More than a few are staring at me, and a fair number of them don’t look very happy to see me either.

The kobold takes a sip of her drink, swirling it around and pondering. “But…”

[1] We never did find their apprentice necromancer. Oh well, some other adventurer will probably sweep them up whenever they start causing trouble anyway.
[2] There was something about a magic summoning circle in one of their basements? We were too busy hauling out of there to get a good look at that point.
[3] There were a lot of minions still roaming around when we left. Without their lich leader, they’ll probably start messing up the countryside soon. Someone else’s problem now.
[4] Won’t they just come back and cause more trouble later?
>>
No. 686533 ID: ca183f

>>686527
All of 1-3. Also I think it's about time you serve some more drinks, you can has more storytime later!
>>
No. 686535 ID: c86aaa

2
The warrior punched all of there minions and they necromanciers still need to get hitch and have a honeymoon before they're back in the game.
>>
No. 686551 ID: 458c4a

one to threee
>>
No. 686563 ID: 88960e

1 & 3.

No time to murder minions when you're looting.
>>
No. 686576 ID: c1b316

1 and 2, or maybe 4

more than 2 at once seems a bit much
>>
No. 686612 ID: defceb
File 144909928025.png - (98.68KB , 849x512 , e27.png )
686612

“...we never did find their apprentice necromancer. Not to mention, all the those minions we left behind. They’ll probably tear up the countryside soon. Oh well, someone else’s problem now.”

Another patron weaves into the conversation. “Ahem, excuse me! I have problems with your story!”

The armored lady chugs down her sixth? Seventh? drink and spins around. She’s very drunk now. I feel worried. “You got a problem with us!?”

“Liches are incapable of feeling emotions so how could they-”
>>
No. 686613 ID: defceb
File 144909929702.png - (156.13KB , 849x512 , e28.png )
686613

POW! All at once the place erupts into a brawl.
>>
No. 686614 ID: defceb
File 144909931864.png - (139.35KB , 753x492 , e29.png )
686614

Should I… intervene? Or…
>>
No. 686616 ID: defceb
File 144909933561.png - (140.18KB , 753x492 , e30.png )
686616

“So about the flaying.”
“I never did that myself, but it happened, yes.”
“And is it true that drow dicks have pincers for grasping their partners?”

...um.
>>
No. 686624 ID: ad936f

>>686614
Nah fam it's all good, this is standard operating procedure for this sort of place. Besides, what could you even do?

>>686616
Those usually get removed, the matrons don't like them.
>>
No. 686630 ID: 86cfc3

>>686614
Naw. This is adventurers in their natural state. When they don't have enemies to kill or main, they fight amongst themselves for status. Lots of pack animals are competitive!

>>686616
...are you requesting a demonstration, Lady?

(What? You couldn't ever say no to a female, even if she's a surface lizard female who seems less inclined to hurt you than the matrons, maybe).
>>
No. 686635 ID: ad936f

>>686630
WE ARE STRONG INDEPENDENT DROW WHO DON'T NEED NO WOMAN!
>>
No. 686639 ID: 7efbfd

You're not so different from surface elves in that regard.

They're fighting because there's not enough whores to sate their raging libidos. Try offering yourself and your body in exchange for peace in the establishment. Do it in a way that makes you look very timid and innocent.
>>
No. 686641 ID: 5ad4a7

>>686616
Tell him the truth.
>>
No. 686647 ID: c86aaa

We're not payed to intervene we get paid to clean up there messes.

Also no drow dicks don't have pincers, why is it weird not to?
>>
No. 686724 ID: a107fd

How about instead of answering that out loud, I take cover behind the bar and you take cover behind my apron?
>>
No. 686806 ID: b5b419

>>686616
"No. That would be the drow women. What would a man have to grip anyway? And they're less like pincers and more like... fuzzy mandibles. They're also poisoned."
>>
No. 686963 ID: defceb
File 144926223840.png - (203.54KB , 841x522 , e31.png )
686963

>They're fighting because there's not enough whores to sate their raging libidos. Try offering yourself and your body in exchange for peace in the establishment. Do it in a way that makes you look very timid and innocent.
That doesn’t seem safe…

>...are you requesting a demonstration, Lady?
Are you saying I should hit on them?? Back home I would be thrown on the rack for such an act.

>How about instead of answering that out loud, I take cover behind the bar and you take cover behind my apron?
I’ll try…

“H-how about we take cover behind the bar and you can hide behind my apron?”
>>
No. 686964 ID: defceb
File 144926225325.png - (119.84KB , 759x468 , e32.png )
686964

She gasps. “Are you hitting on me?”

This is it.

This is how I die.

“S-Shouldn’t we hold hands first?”
>>
No. 686965 ID: 86cfc3

>“S-Shouldn’t we hold hands first?”
I, uh, yes?

Take her hand, hold it in between the two of yours.

You aren't sure what this surface worlder custom is, but it sure beats getting killed.
>>
No. 686967 ID: 5ad4a7

>>686964
Yeessss.
>>
No. 686969 ID: a22f87

That's some really neat armor she has on, you should grab her hand and inspect it.
>>
No. 686974 ID: ad936f

>Shouldn’t we hold hands first?
Good god that's filthy. Maybe you should go back to the underdark, where the women have normal fetishes.
>>
No. 686981 ID: a2c40c

Oh gods, no. She doesn't want to just use you for your body like other matrons. She wants to keep you for an indefinite time!
>>
No. 686984 ID: defceb
File 144927102999.png - (94.31KB , 720x539 , e33.png )
686984

>Good god that's filthy. Maybe you should go back to the underdark, where the women have normal fetishes.
>You aren't sure what this surface worlder custom is, but it sure beats getting killed.
Is… is this one of those surface fetishes? Maybe I shouldn’t. I’m not prepared for that kind of relationship.

>Take her hand, hold it in between the two of yours.
I-If you say so. I reach forward to grasp her hand-

The whole building suddenly begins to shake. Bottles fall off the shelves and adventurers freeze in confusion, standing mid-fight.

“EARTHQUAKE!”
>>
No. 686985 ID: 5ad4a7

>>686984
Catch the falling bottles!
>>
No. 686986 ID: 3663d3

use your elf agility to catch all bottles.
>>
No. 686987 ID: fa8f9d

Make use of your drow dexteritry abd catch those bottles!
>>
No. 686990 ID: 86cfc3

Quick, you need to get to cover before you're crushed! Preferably under a support structure! You lived underground, you know the drill!

Grab kobold and drag them under the counter for safety. If the inn collapses, you'll have someone trapped with you to help dig out. Or to eat for food. Or to be eaten by for food.
>>
No. 686991 ID: ad936f

Utilize your fae swiftness to save as many bottles as you can
>>
No. 686995 ID: 5f1171

Use your fear of punishment to save the bottles.
>>
No. 686996 ID: a107fd

After safely catching whichever bottles look expensive, grab the inquisitive adventurer's hand and pull her over the bar to safety.
>>
No. 687248 ID: defceb
File 144938118158.png - (81.63KB , 564x384 , e34.png )
687248

>>
No. 687249 ID: defceb
File 144938121629.png - (149.94KB , 630x616 , e35.png )
687249

The rest of the tavern is in relative ruin from the sudden quake. Thankfully the patrons have calmed down and gone back to their seats, giving me a chance to clean it up. Some of them sneer or give unhappy stares when I pass by. It’s rather unnerving.

The night passes by quickly.
>>
No. 687252 ID: defceb
File 144938139607.png - (76.02KB , 446x414 , e36.png )
687252

“Good job not getting shanked tonight.”
“Thanks? I’m good at surviving stab wounds.”
“You should put that on your resume, next to ‘dexterous hands’. I’m sure the ladies will love it.”
“Thanks?”
“Do you have any cash?”
“No.”
“Possessions?”
“Just what I wore in today.”
Sprocket sighs and buries her face in her hand. She pulls a small coin purse off her belt and tosses it to me. “Consider this an advance on your first payment. Go into town tomorrow and get some local clothes. I also recommend getting a good knife. Maybe a haircut if you want to blend in. Er, try to blend in.”

She hops off her chair and marches off to the back room. “I’m calling it a night. Be ready to work before dinner tomorrow. Don’t have too much fun tonight.”
>>
No. 687264 ID: 0fc976

Go into town to buy dorf workclothes and an apron.
>>
No. 687266 ID: 86cfc3

>>687252
Do we really need clothes? Our room closet had more than you'd ever had in your entire life! Though I guess you can't wear work clothes all the time.

Do we need to buy a knife either? There should be lots of free ones stuck in the walls from being thrown around earlier.

Oh well, I guess we could go look what the town has on sale.
>>
No. 687284 ID: defceb
File 144938810943.png - (139.15KB , 794x624 , e37.png )
687284

>Do we really need clothes?
I would like to not be a nudist.

>Do we need to buy a knife either?
All the people who threw knives were very careful to get them back.

Looks like most of the town is asleep now. Maybe there's a midnight market I could shop around in? Or I could go to bed for the night and shop in the morning.
>>
No. 687285 ID: a22f87

well you might as well look around town. Even if there is nothing open we can at least remember where the shops are for when we wake up tomorrow.
>>
No. 687288 ID: 0fc976

Shop now, when there's fewer people about.
>>
No. 687290 ID: 86cfc3

>Or I could go to bed for the night and shop in the morning.
What, and risk the DAYSTAR?
>>
No. 687292 ID: 5ad4a7

>>687290
We're underground, aren't we?

>>687284
Go tomorrow, like she said.
>>
No. 687320 ID: a107fd

Shopping first, sleep later. That way you'll have something to sleep in besides your travel clothes, a knife just in case you get woken up by something you'd prefer to have the option to stab, and a mental map of the immediate area in case you need to flee.

You work in a building with lots of wooden furniture and structural bits, which stores and dispenses distilled alcohol, to adventurers, under the supervision of a sleep-deprived alchemist, in an area prone to earthquakes. Any two of those would be reason enough to familiarize yourself with fire escape routes as soon as possible.

Is there some sort of goop for sale which you could put on your skin in order to pass for a surface elf?
>>
No. 687453 ID: defceb
File 144946804954.png - (119.62KB , 572x527 , e38.png )
687453

>What, and risk the DAYSTAR?
Oh no!

First, I change out of my new work clothes. I don’t want to get them dirty already. Then I head out.

A fair number of buildings around town still have their lights up. The earthquake from before has people up and cleaning even at this hour. It’s in my favor this time, though, as that means a decent number of places are still open for business while they clean.

I can go to…

Burnham’s Blacksmith and Trinkets [Sounds like they’re still working in there.]
The Wary Apothecary [Smells funny]
Taylor’s Tailor Store [Clothes, and ‘specialty goods’?]
One-Stop Shoppe for the Wealthy and Experienced Adventurers [Looks expensive…]
Mister Marko’s Marvelous and Magical Emporium [Some kind of magic item shop?]
Durnham’s Dragonscales [Claims to be 100% authentic!]

There’s also a gambling hall, a library, and some dive restaurant.
>>
No. 687455 ID: 86cfc3

Blacksmith is probably the place to go to get a good, serviceable knife. Lots of uses for a knife no matter what you do, that's probably a smart choice.
>>
No. 687456 ID: a22f87

>>687453
Taylor’s Tailor Store
lets see what they have
>>
No. 687457 ID: 0fc976

Burnham's Blacksmith, so you can armor up for your next shift. Then go to the One-Stoppe Adventurere Shoppe. I'm sure the title's just for show.
>>
No. 687458 ID: 5ad4a7

>>687453
Dragonscales! I just want to see what they have, it should be wicked cool.
>>
No. 687465 ID: 13f362

Taylor's Tailor. Clooooothes.
>>
No. 687492 ID: a107fd

Blacksmith first, so you'll have the knife in case you get mugged on the way to a second store.

Volunteer minor assistance to any cleanup you pass on the way, thereby building up a positive reputation for yourself.
>>
No. 687494 ID: 1a5bfe

Mister Marko's? That sounds sounds kinda drow. Check if it's a fellow immigrant, maybe he'll have some advice on blending in with these surface people.
>>
No. 687495 ID: defceb
File 144951942375.png - (166.58KB , 731x412 , e39.png )
687495

“Welcome to Burnham’s- hey, Burnham, it’s the dark elf Illya told us about!”
Somewhere in back a dorf grunts in reply.
“Illya said you’re dickless, by the way.”

Knife, silverware - 5g
Knife, iron - 3g
Knife, coldsteel - 53g
Combat dagger - 12g
Axe - 14g
Hammer - 14g
Morningstar - 15g
Spear - 8g
Bastard Sword - 20g
A really big hammer - 25g
Iron Blade of the Mountain King (Replica) - 50g
Skyrender, Fist of the Lightning God - 12,000g

Chainmail shirt - 50g
Blackiron Chain shirt - 500g
Mithril shirt (It has a pink ribbon on it.) - 250g and your pride.

Buckler - 5g
Kite Shield - 9g
Large Iron Shield - 20g

Dwarven Rings (For beards and hair, it’s fashionable!) - Iron 1g each, also available in gold (3g each) or silver (2g each)
Chain - 3g per yard.
Buckle - 1g
Studs - 1g a bag
Backscratcher - 1g
Wrought Iron Necklace - 2g
Blackiron Necklace - 122g

There’s also a barrel full of misshapen weapons with a label ‘defects: 3g’, a bunch of platemail I couldn’t possibly hope to afford, anvils, blacksmithing hammers, children’s toys, little statues of various prices…

Oh! I almost forgot, I check my coin purse and I have…
>>
No. 687496 ID: defceb
File 144951945264.jpg - (14.28KB , 484x360 , e40.jpg )
687496

...100 gold!? This is the most money I’ve ever had in my life! I feel like I have raw power in the palm of my hand!

Is this how adventurers feel!? Is this how DRAGONS feel!?
>>
No. 687497 ID: defceb
File 144951946589.jpg - (3.74KB , 484x360 , e41.jpg )
687497

IS THIS HOW DRAGONS FEEL ALL THE TIME!?!?!?
>>
No. 687498 ID: 5ad4a7

>>687497
Only one way to find out. HOARD THAT GOLD.
But you really do need to buy things right now so you'll have to part with some of it. Are you trained with any weapons? If not, a "good knife" would refer to the coldsteel one. It's a bit expensive though.

Ask what coldsteel and blacksteel do.
>>
No. 687500 ID: 3663d3

sorta? but look at the prices on some of those things. adventurers can afford even those.

anyway, get a gold Dwarven Ring and put your hair into a ponytail through it, shorten it a little if still have to after that. get that combat dagger. and get a statue that suites your tastes, perhaps an animal that looks interesting.
>>
No. 687501 ID: ad936f

>>687497
No, Dragons don't spend their money.

>Illya said you’re dickless, by the way.
Was that a compliment?

Clearly the only reasonable option here is to buy 100 dwarven rings.
>>
No. 687502 ID: f2461f

Purchase a coldsteel knife and some golden dwarf rings.
>>
No. 687504 ID: 88960e

Get the plain old combat knife, and a few rings. For your ears.
>>
No. 687505 ID: a22f87

go for the combat dagger. It's pretty cheap and should do well protecting you if you need it. Oh and ask why is everyone interested in your dick. About every other person we've talked to has asked about our dick in some shape or form. Why is that?
>>
No. 687506 ID: defceb
File 144952150236.png - (122.52KB , 872x407 , e42.png )
687506

>Only one way to find out. HOARD THAT GOLD.
YES!

>But you really do need to buy things right now so you'll have to part with some of it
Aww.

>Are you trained with any weapons?
Not particularly. I suppose I could handle a knife or a dagger if worst comes to worst.


>re:Dickless
“Was that a compliment?”
“She only insults people openly if she likes them or really hates them. So maybe.”

>Coldsteel vs Blackiron
She swipes a coldsteel knife off the shelf and lays it down in front of me. It glows with a faint blue shimmer.“Coldsteel, effective against faeries, demons, resistant to magic. A fair number of undead hate it, too. Just carrying it on you is enough to keep most of the fae folk from bothering you when you’re out and about. We’ve got a mine way under the city churning out loads of the materials, so you can’t get it cheaper anywhere but here.”

She pulls a dark knife off her belt and shows it to me. “Blackiron, on the other hand, is a lot harder to come by. This stuff is the toughest material you can ask for. In a weapon it’ll slice through lesser metals like butter, and as armor it’ll ignore most blows. Also-” She drops the knife on the counter. On impact it makes a knife-shaped crater through the wood. “-it’s heavy as all hell. That knife is mine, not for sale.”

>Dwarven Rings
I ask about the dorf rings. She says she’s willing to style my hair for me if I buy one.
>>
No. 687507 ID: 3663d3

yeah, coldsteel, using heavy weapons, even small ones, requires serious training to be any good at it. a light weapon though can be used somewhat effectively purely from your natural elf agility.
>>
No. 687510 ID: a22f87

might as well get the cold steel then since it's cheaper here. Also get on normal, one silver, and one gold ring. 1 of each should look nice.
>>
No. 687511 ID: 3cf344

Coldsteel is much more expensive and is also much more likely to be stolen due to being expensive. Just get a combat dagger, an extra regular knife, and some rings.
>>
No. 687513 ID: 5ad4a7

Coldsteel sounds like a good deal, yeah, but... that's half of the money we have. Combat dagger sounds like a good alternative for saving gold.
>>
No. 687515 ID: f2461f

Still think we should go with the coldsteel knife. Maybe instead of golden rings we should get silver instead, we could save a little that way.
>>
No. 687516 ID: ca183f

Yeah, no reason to spend half of this money on a coldsteel knife. Not until we piss off a fae, anyway. Just get the dagger and iron knife. Oh, and a silver ring should look good in your hair, go for that.
>>
No. 687517 ID: 86cfc3

Combat dagger, get some rings, and accept the hair styling offer with grace.
>>
No. 687518 ID: 60700b

>>687506
Aren't you a fae?
>>
No. 687526 ID: 2a7417

Look in the defects bin for a weapon to wear at your side. That'll fool any pickpockets, while you keep your real weapon (probably a combat dagger) concealed.
>>
No. 687529 ID: ad936f

Buy at least ten dorf rings. Also buy the coldsteel knife.
>>
No. 687533 ID: defceb
File 144952797221.png - (135.38KB , 553x400 , e43.png )
687533

>Aren't you a fae?
Am I? I don’t know much about faeries…

I buy the coldsteel knife, three silver rings, and buy a vaguely knife-shaped block of iron from the defect bin for a total of 62 gold. I stash the defect-knife visibly on my side and hide the coldsteel in my shirt. The coldsteel feels uncomfortably warm to touch, and my skin turns a little red on contact. I also accept the offer to style my hair.

“I could have been a real hairstylist. It’s a passion.”
“Instead of a blacksmith?”
“Family job, father needed a blacksmith to inherit his work and I was the only child. So here I am. It’s not all bad, though. I get my kicks styling dwarf-beards when I can. Rings aren’t about to go out of style so there’s a good demand for my help.”

The dorf lady is very strong, but her hands are surprisingly gentle with my hair. She ties it up with a braid, slides the rings into place, and ruffles up my neat bangs. “There you go. Now you look like someone who lives around here.”

I have 38 gold left. Where should I go next?
>>
No. 687535 ID: 5ad4a7

>>687533
First, thank the lady.
Then let's go to the Dragonscales shop to see how much it would cost to get some dragon cosplay gear.
>>
No. 687544 ID: 2a7417

Dragonscales.
>>
No. 687547 ID: defceb
File 144952968046.png - (54.66KB , 421x251 , e44.png )
687547

I thank her for her time and head towards Dragonscales. I get precisely ten steps in before I’m grabbed and dragged into an alleyway.
>>
No. 687548 ID: defceb
File 144952975698.png - (121.35KB , 750x412 , e45.png )
687548

A zombie holds me up against the wall and brandishes a curved dagger pointed at my throat. I'd be worried, but I'm pretty used to having sharp things pointed at me.

“No sudden moves or I’ll be talking to your ghost.” Says a cloaked man while he grabs the defective knife off my belt. He waves it menacingly in the air in front of me, apparently not realizing it’s a pretty useless weapon. “Where is the book?”
>>
No. 687549 ID: 3663d3

EEP
>>
No. 687550 ID: 2a7417

Uhh- Have you tried library? I no have book, only spiders.
>>
No. 687551 ID: fbc59e

booook?...I don't think we know. Best answer MAYBE is direct them towards inn full of rowdy adventurers and see what happens.
>>
No. 687553 ID: 3663d3

dive roll, draw good knife, cut them up.
>>
No. 687554 ID: 5ad4a7

>>687548
>A fair number of undead hate it, too
Hmmm. The coldsteel would be effective against the zombie, probably... but do you think you're fast enough to attack without getting stabbed in the throat?

Ask them what book they mean. Describe it, please?
I'm guessing the book in question is the book the adventurers had. Be truthful and tell them the book just looked like a children's book so why do they care?
>>
No. 687556 ID: ad936f

>>687550
(This is the point where you pull out the spiders that you keep in your pocket)

I-I think you looking for someone else! I'm am new here!
>>
No. 687559 ID: 86cfc3

>>687548
The children's story book the adventure's had before? I think they still have it.

Do knives help with your divinations? We use spiders for ours.
>>
No. 687563 ID: a22f87

>Where is the book
...was I suppose to get a book when I arrived here? The dwarf lady never said anything about getting a book. Did kick me in the balls after I asked why she didn't have a beard though.
>>
No. 687566 ID: defceb
File 144953142968.png - (128.09KB , 750x412 , e46.png )
687566

“Uhh, book? I don’t know any book. Have you tried library?”
“The book those vagabonds stole from my teacher.”
“I didn’t get any book when I arrived. Just punched in balls.”
He gives an exasperated sigh.

>dive roll, draw good knife, cut them up.
I can’t roll while being held like this but…

“Can you describe book, please?”
His knife dips a little as he starts to talk. I cut off his speech by stabbing his friend in the arm. The coldsteel hisses as it punches through dead flesh.

I’ve never heard a zombie scream in pain before. I hope to never hear it again, either.
>>
No. 687567 ID: 3663d3

rotate it so it slices the arm off.
>>
No. 687568 ID: 5ad4a7

>>687566
Now call for the guards, and maybe stab the other guy in the face. Make sure they don't get the curved knife back.
>>
No. 687569 ID: 86cfc3

Grab your knives and run!
>>
No. 687572 ID: 8896fc

Grab the curved knife and abscond while calling for guards.
>>
No. 687578 ID: ad936f

>>687567
this, also grab the necromancer's arm while he's distracted.
>>
No. 688239 ID: defceb
File 144989010747.png - (146.24KB , 712x449 , e47.png )
688239

I twist the knife through the zombie's arm, tearing it off. The knife slips through it's flesh like flimsy paper, and an acrid smell fills the air. The two of them attempt to run, dropping me on the ground.

"GUARDS! NECROMANCER!" I shout. Doors fling open all over, and the zombie barely even stumbles out of the alleyway before the blacksmith bashes it into the floor. The cloaked man utters some arcane words and disappears in a puff of smoke.

I grab the curved knife and stash it with my coldsteel knife. There's a lot of dorfs wandering around the area now, muttering amongst each other. More than a few are shooting cautious glances my way. Should I stay here?
>>
No. 688240 ID: 3663d3

yes, stay, running makes you even more suspicious. maybe move closer to the blacksmith. she can vouch that you just bought the undead slaying knife.
>>
No. 688242 ID: 86cfc3

The crowd is safety. Don't run, don't be suspicious. Trust the dorfs.
>>
No. 688245 ID: 5ad4a7

>>688239
Ask for an escort to the next shop.
>>
No. 688250 ID: 8d9368

>>688239
Wait, was that necromancer looking for the children's fairytale book? Why would he want that? Because it was covered in gems and gold?
>>
No. 688263 ID: a22f87

thank blacksmith dwarf for the help, ask if she know what that was about.
>>
No. 688302 ID: defceb
File 144994790671.png - (72.12KB , 582x364 , e48.png )
688302

>Wait, was that necromancer looking for the children's fairytale book
I guess so?

I walk up to the blacksmith. The crowd is getting rowder now. I look around more closely and see a lot of drunk faces. Actually, almost all of them look drunk. Do dorfs have a drinking problem?

“Ay! Drow! What did you have to do with this?” Says one, pointing at my face.
“When was the last time we had a drow in this area?”
“When they were 2 gold an ear, and ten for a head!”
“When they tried to poison our ale and steal our women.”
“This one looks kinda civilized though.”
“Pretty rings.”
“Ehh they’d look prettier on me.”

“Back off, back off!” Says the blacksmith, brandishing her hammer. “Paying customer, paying customer.” Most of the crowd simmers down, though they still grumble to each other. I see some of the guards at the back of the crowd, trying to worm their way through.
>>
No. 688303 ID: defceb
File 144994791613.png - (88.46KB , 582x364 , e49.png )
688303

“You look like a man who needs a bodyguard.”
>>
No. 688305 ID: 6577a9

And you look exactly like the last reason I needed a bodyguard mr. sketchy hooded person.
>>
No. 688312 ID: 5ad4a7

>>688303
If that's the armored lady from the tavern, graciously accept her help.
>>
No. 688328 ID: ad936f

>Do dorfs have a drinking problem?
No, you have a not drinking problem.

Tell that person that you probably can't afford a bodyguard.
>>
No. 688331 ID: 86cfc3

>>688303
Ask what's wrong with your body, you didn't even notice.

And say you probably couldn't afford a bodyguard.
>>
No. 688367 ID: 13d108

>>688303
Is that the weird adventurer lady? Does she want to be your heroine? Too bad, you're not playing the dandy-in-distress game.
>>
No. 688436 ID: defceb
File 144999114401.png - (77.55KB , 371x440 , e50.png )
688436

>No, you have a not drinking problem.
I should be drinking? Right now? In public?

>Is that the weird adventurer lady?
Looks like it. Why is she here, though?

>Does she want to be your heroine? Too bad, you're not playing the dandy-in-distress game.
>And say you probably couldn't afford a bodyguard.
“I’m no dandy-in-distress.” I say. Whatever that means. “Besides, I probably couldn’t afford a bodyguard.”

“What a shame,” She pouts, holding up her hand. “I was hoping we would get to actually hold hands this time.”

She wants to indulge in that weird surface fetish? Right now? In public!?
>>
No. 688437 ID: 3663d3

a mistress gets what she wants, even in public, hold hands!
>>
No. 688439 ID: 8d9368

>>688436
engage in weird surface fetish
>>
No. 688442 ID: 4488b8

Better do it if you know what's good for you.
>>
No. 688449 ID: defceb
File 144999233267.png - (99.45KB , 631x376 , e51.png )
688449

Oh spiders she's interlocking fingers I feel so filthy.

"So, where are we going tonight?"
>>
No. 688450 ID: 5ad4a7

Clothes shopping.
>>
No. 688451 ID: 4488b8

Just think that you're holding a giant spider for the mistress. See, not filthy at all. Clothes it is.
>>
No. 688452 ID: 3663d3

"i don't know, never been in this situation before"
>>
No. 688460 ID: defceb
File 144999846153.png - (108.58KB , 595x423 , e52.png )
688460

>Just think that you're holding a giant spider for the mistress. See, not filthy at all. Clothes it is.
Spiders don’t get all cuddly fingers like this.

>Clothes

We continue walking towards Durnham’s Dragonscales and idly chat along the way.

“So… what do you do?”
“I provide divine magic to the party. Healing, protection, reviving the dead, purging the unclean in lakes of fire, smiting evil wherever it may hide, bathing in the blood of monsters. Girly things.”
“Oh, that’s uh… that sounds nice.”
“I’ve killed a lot of drow.”
I’m scared.
“But you’re the first one I’ve met that hasn’t tried to kill me first.”
Still scared.
>>
No. 688461 ID: defceb
File 144999849105.png - (126.85KB , 667x406 , e53.png )
688461

We arrive at Durnham’s

The shopkeep seems half-asleep, but he perks up a little when we walk in. “Welcome to Durnham’s Dragonscales. Yes I use real dragon scales, no I won’t tell you where I get them. Prices are non-negotiable.”

The walls are covered in a variety of items. Platemail, shields, robes, dresses, trinkets, and staffs. I… couldn’t even begin to afford anything here. I feel embarrassed for walking in. The hooded lady looks around, humming some tune idly to herself. “See anything you like?”
>>
No. 688463 ID: 251089

Get yourself a nice, comfy, fashionable dress.
>>
No. 688465 ID: 5ad4a7

>>688461
I bet the shopkeep is actually a dragon and this is how he sells his shed scales.

...wait is she offering to buy you something? Don't assume anything, say you don't have the money to buy anything here, this is... planning for the future, I guess. Find something that offers a little protection while looking like you could wear it around town, and make a note of the price. Also look for anything that looks more like a costume than functional clothing. Maybe... ask if he's got anything like that, if you don't see anything on display.

Then you can go to the not so high class clothing shop.
>>
No. 688468 ID: b5b419

>>688461
"You sleep with a dragon and she sheds scales regularly, and that's where you get them and can afford to sell them so cheaply."

"Mystery solved!"
>>
No. 688471 ID: 2f4b71

>>688460
We can't just keep calling her 'hooded lady' Let's call her Lt. Dan 'cause she's got no legs.
>>
No. 688472 ID: e4abe1

maybe a gamberson, they still kind of looks like normal clothes but offer good protection!
>>
No. 688474 ID: 0fc976

"I like your forehead. Is wery shiny."
>>
No. 688475 ID: 5ad4a7

OH! Ask the shopkeep if he knows a lot about dragons. Does he know that feeling, where you suddenly have more gold than you've ever had before...? Do dragons feel like that all the time?
>>
No. 688492 ID: 4488b8

>>688475
This. Also what does a dragonscale trinket look like?
>>
No. 688494 ID: edfee3

>>688463
This. And ask about dragons.
>>
No. 688498 ID: ad936f

>>688471
She's a girl, Lt. Danielle makes more sense. or we could just ask her name.

Point out a nice vest, but remark that you regret coming in here because you doubt that you can afford any of this stuff.
>>
No. 688505 ID: 86cfc3

>Spiders don’t get all cuddly fingers like this.
Isn't cuddly better than scratchy or hairy or creepy or whatever the alternative is?

>“I’ve killed a lot of drow.”
>I'm scared
Yeah but all the mistresses and giant spiders you used to know did too, so are you any worse off?

>what say

>I bet the shopkeep is actually a dragon and this is how he sells his shed scales.
>"I like your forehead. Is wery shiny."
>ask about dragons
Yes, good.

>>688463
Yes, excellent. With dragon-scale sequins.
>>
No. 688511 ID: 60ee49

Say that you like the armour next to the shopkeep, but your funds are quite lacking.

If she offers to buy it for you, politely decline and apologise on the grounds that you don't even know her name.
>>
No. 688639 ID: defceb
File 145008671074.png - (83.13KB , 621x530 , e54_2.png )
688639

>Yeah but all the mistresses and giant spiders you used to know did too, so are you any worse off?
I suppose you’re right. I’ve yet to be injected with horrible pain venoms or been asked to join ‘fun sacrifice party’ as well.

>"I like your forehead. Is wery shiny."
He chuckles and nods in thanks.

>"You sleep with a dragon and she sheds scales regularly, and that's where you get them and can afford to sell them so cheaply."
“Boy if I were sleeping with a dragon I wouldn’t be here right now.”

>OH! Ask the shopkeep if he knows a lot about dragons. Does he know that feeling, where you suddenly have more gold than you've ever had before...? Do dragons feel like that all the time?
He nods sagely. “All that and more. Dragons possess greed far greater than any mortal man can compare, and fury far more violent for anyone who dares to touch their hoard.” He leans closer. “You ever see a shadow blot out the sun, don’t bother running. Find a hole to hide in and pray they choose to ignore you.”

He elbows me in the rib and whispers, “You should give more attention to your lady friend. I think she’s trying to hit on you.”
She’s trying to… hit… on… me?
She’s trying to hit me?
I don’t feel prepared for another fight.
>>
No. 688640 ID: defceb
File 145008674185.png - (135.98KB , 613x728 , e54.png )
688640

>Ask her name.
“I don’t think I ever got your name.”
“Nor I yours.”
“Go’ran. Go’ran Nikolic.”
“You may call me Cael.”

>Don't assume anything, say you don't have the money to buy anything here, this is... planning for the future, I guess.
I mention that I couldn’t possibly afford anything here. “That’s okay. Is it not custom for people to give gifts when on a date?”

Date? Is that surface-speak for fighting? Oh no she is going to hit me.

>maybe a gamberson, they still kind of looks like normal clothes but offer good protection!
I like this idea. We find one that crafted from a lavish looking leather. I look closely and spot barely-visible veins crisscrossing the material, pulsing red with their own energy.

The shopkeep speaks up, “Ahh. I crafted that one from the skin of a dragon’s wing. Strong stuff, very resistant.”

“Is it fashionable?” Cael asks.

“At this price point everything is fashionable. 25,000 gold and it’s yours.”

I nearly faint, but Cael doesn’t even miss a beat when she turns to me. “Do you want it?”
>>
No. 688641 ID: 3663d3

it looks very nice. with that knife it makes you able to stab and not be stabbed back.
>>
No. 688642 ID: a22f87

>Do you want it?
it would be very nice but I have no way to pay for it at this time. It shall be something to work for then.

Also keep an eye on her, if we can spot her attack coming maybe we can try and minimize the blow and pretend it knocked us out? That way she'll "win" and you don't have to fight a matriarch or get beaten up by one.
>>
No. 688643 ID: 5ad4a7

>>688640
>skin of a dragon’s wing
So... he is killing dragons, somehow? Or maybe he found a dragon graveyard. Or maybe he's killing things that have been polymorphed into dragons. Would that count as real dragonscale? Or maybe he's just got a supplier that is able to kill dragons or otherwise collect their body parts.

>hugely expensive thing
Hhhhh...holy moly she must be rolling in gold. Also, I think she likes you. Tell her you don't know what to say, you've barely owned anything in your life before.

Try it on!
>>
No. 688648 ID: 67d5dc

I want it in the same way I wish to ride into the heavens and defeat the terrible day-star. It would be truly glorious and is something That will likely never happen.

Also owning it would simply mean my matron would take it for her own, as is her right.
>>
No. 688650 ID: defceb
File 145009207641.png - (62.17KB , 601x510 , e55.png )
688650

>Also keep an eye on her, if we can spot her attack coming maybe we can try and minimize the blow and pretend it knocked us out? That way she'll "win" and you don't have to fight a matriarch or get beaten up by one.
Good plan! I'll keep my eye on her.

I tell her that it's something I can't even begin to afford, but it'll certainly be something I can work towards.

...then I ask to try it on anyway.

The shopkeep brings it down and helps me put it on. It's surprisingly comfortable! It feels very warm, and the pulse I saw earlier almost feels like a second heartbeat against my skin.
>>
No. 688653 ID: defceb
File 145009218876.png - (84.96KB , 601x510 , e56.png )
688653

I think fondly of owning a jacket like this one. And perhaps a small pile of gold to sleep upon while I wear it. Or maybe even a lake of gold. I could swim upon that after setting the underworld on fire and drinking it's ashes. It's weird to think that, given that I've never been one for pyromania but suddenly I just like the sound of breathing fire upon all the matrons who have ever looked down upon me.

I feel like my blood is on fire. But in a good way.
>>
No. 688654 ID: 773f4a

Hey, looking pretty hot there.
>>
No. 688655 ID: 3663d3

you appear to have burst into flames. remain calm though, i think it's a magical property of the coat.
>>
No. 688657 ID: a22f87

ask bodyguard how it looks?
>>
No. 688665 ID: 60ee49

Dude...You might be a Red Dragon Disciple without even knowing. It would explain why you have some draconic urges.
>>
No. 688666 ID: 88960e

>Date? Is that surface-speak for fighting?
A date is a specific day of the year! Saying this day is a date marks it as some kind of special occasion.

>is she going to hit me
Hitting a drow probably isn't special enough to make this day a date worth remembering if she's killed a lot of them.

>what do
Politely ask your date if you have caught on fire, you feel rather warm, although it's surprisingly pleasant.
>>
No. 688668 ID: 2a7417

This jacket's a keeper.
>>
No. 688739 ID: a107fd

She is evaluating you as a potential mate. How much have you enjoyed being in her presence so far, relative to, say, matrons you've worked for?
>>
No. 688752 ID: ad936f

"Is it getting hot in here or is that just me?"
>>
No. 688860 ID: f61b8d

I can't help but feel like her buying something majorly expensive for you would kinda imbalance the relationship, putting you in her debt. Seems like it would (or COULD, anyway) make it difficult for the relationship to grow naturally. (Also, wearing something hugely expensive makes you a target for muggings.) (Also, that jacket seems to be making you think strangely. You should probably take it off to think about it a bit more before committing to its purchase.) Perhaps a better course of action is, to save face for both of you, you could allow her to buy you something modest in price at the tailor's, and you could buy her dinner. Or...whatever she consumes.
>>
No. 689286 ID: defceb
File 145034283719.png - (102.98KB , 457x613 , e57.png )
689286

>re:Fire alert
I ask Cael if I’ve caught fire.

“You do look pretty hot.”

“But am I on fire? I feel like I am.”

She pokes my cheek and makes a hissing noise. “I think you’re just feeling fashionable.”

The shopkeep nods.

>Dude...You might be a Red Dragon Disciple without even knowing. It would explain why you have some draconic urges.
I don’t have a drop of magical blood in me! Or at least that’s what the Matrons used to tell me.

Not that I would mind having some dragon power.

I could make a nice little treasure hoard in a cave somewhere.

>She is evaluating you as a potential mate. How much have you enjoyed being in her presence so far, relative to, say, matrons you've worked for?
They’re… nice? I guess? Nicer than anyone down below, that’s for sure.

>This jacket’s a keeper.
I agree. This feels like it belongs on me.

>I can't help but feel like her buying something majorly expensive for you would kinda imbalance the relationship, putting you in her debt. Seems like it would (or COULD, anyway) make it difficult for the relationship to grow naturally
>You should probably take it off to think about it a bit more before committing to its purchase.)


...You’re right.

I take off the jacket. It seems less glamorous in my hands than it did on my person. I tell Cael that I couldn’t possibly accept something like this as a gift. She seems a little put-down from that.
>>
No. 689288 ID: 0fc976

No! Wait! You've had a sudden change of heart and also wish to burn your enemies to ash with her by your side!
>>
No. 689290 ID: 5ad4a7

>>689286
Tell her not to worry, there's probably something pretty fancy for her to get you at the regular clothing shop! Plus, you might be able to afford something there to give to her too.
>>
No. 689292 ID: 225f37

>>689286
Okay, it's less "can't accept it" (because, I mean, damn.) and more that you're kind of shocked that you would be willing to spend so much for someone you met so recently.

The fact that they're willing to buy it so casually means its probably well within their price range- you usually turn these sort of things down when you feel like someone's going out of their way and you don't deserve it, but I don't think they're actually going all that far out of their way here, they're just buying a gift for someone they're trying to woo.
>>
No. 689305 ID: 88960e

>I don’t have a drop of magical blood in me! Or at least that’s what the Matrons used to tell me.
Can you really believe everything the matrons said though, especially when it was mean? They like being mean! And they said surface worlders would kill you and they haven't even tortured you yet.

>I tell Cael that I couldn’t possibly accept something like this as a gift. She seems a little put-down from that.
Tell her it's because, when you think of her, you want to think about how kind she's been to you, not how much you owe her.
>>
No. 689336 ID: 5ea852

Tell her that gifts, among common folk, are normally measured in meaning, not value. See if there's something in your price range that reminds you of Cael.

>I don’t have a drop of magical blood in me! Or at least that’s what the Matrons used to tell me.
You don't have to be a mage to be a Red Dragon Disciple. You might be a bard instead, invoking magic through awesome musical talent. You should try some instruments if you get the chance.
>>
No. 689398 ID: 3663d3

i doubt the matrons would tell you anything that makes you important.
>>
No. 689743 ID: defceb
File 145067256213.png - (131.78KB , 587x544 , e58.png )
689743

>Can you really believe everything the matrons said though, especially when it was mean? They like being mean! And they said surface worlders would kill you and they haven't even tortured you yet.
YEAH! But… I don’t know what to do with this information. I try thinking really hard about fire coming out of my hands. Nothing happens. Hmm, I thought that was how magic was supposed to work.

>Tell her it's because, when you think of her, you want to think about how kind she's been to you, not how much you owe her.
I say that to her. The tilts her head. “Owe me…? Oh! I forgot, not everyone is like- uh WELL THEN.” She snatches the jacket and hurriedly throws it back onto the display before buying a hairband with a little charm on it. “Ahem, anyway, how about something more of your… price range?”

She insists on holding my hand all the way to the tailor’s.
>>
No. 689744 ID: defceb
File 145067257967.png - (168.58KB , 819x394 , e59.png )
689744

“Welcome to Taylor’s Tailor store, home of clothing, ‘specialty goods’, glassware, AND NOW CARPETS!” There’s a small dorf who gestures wildly behind the counter. “Have you come to look fashionable? YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE! Looking for the special something to please a lovely lady in your life? I’VE GOT THE THING FOR YOU! Desperate for a fresh new carpet for your home? GOOD NEWS! Also, thanks to the drought in Lowkeep we are now the only source of Livesilk! Get it before it’s gone for good!

A sign to the backroom reads ‘the specialty goods’.

There’s a wide variety of clothing available in the store, more than I can count off. Dwarven, imported elven, all sorts of different styles and fashions.

She also has available:

A carpet depicting an epic battle - 60g
A carpet with fancy dwarven runes - 200g
A carpet depicting local religious icon - 200g

Glass statue of a spider - 2g
Glass statue of a… I’m not entirely sure - 7g
...she says it’s a ‘tobacco’ pipe? - 30g
...a glass thingy - 5g
>>
No. 689745 ID: 5ad4a7

>>689744
What's in the specialty goods?
>>
No. 689746 ID: 0fc976

>>689745
None of our beeswax!

Ask about livesilk, and how it differs from dead silk.
>>
No. 689747 ID: defceb
File 145067329801.png - (85.87KB , 921x538 , e60.png )
689747

>>689745
>>
No. 689749 ID: 3663d3

get something that looks good and wont tear easily in a bar brawl.
>>
No. 689750 ID: 0fc976

>>689747
I warned youuuu
>>
No. 689753 ID: 86cfc3

>Get yourself a nice, comfy, fashionable dress.

Also, buy one of those little glass spiders for your shrine.
>>
No. 689769 ID: 5ad4a7

Find something good for walking around town. Maybe not a dress. Suggest to Cael that she pick something out for you to try on.
Also find something pretty and inexpensive to give her as a gift. Probably not a full set of clothing since you don't know what she's wearing under that cloak. Heck, you could ask what sort of things she likes, maybe another store would be better for a gift for her.
>>
No. 689791 ID: 2a7417

Obtain fancy pantaloons and poet blouse.
>>
No. 689818 ID: e33784

Examine the "Glass statue of a... I’m not entirely sure" and the "a glass thingy", if you would. Also, how do you feel about spiders?
>>
No. 689823 ID: 163675

>>689769
>>
No. 690410 ID: defceb
File 145111937241.png - (79.69KB , 444x479 , e61.png )
690410

“Cael, what kind of clothes do you like?”
“Hmm?”
“Dress, shoe, coat?”
“Clothing can get caught in my plating and cause difficulty in combat, so I avoid wearing them. I also do not have feet, and therefore do not need shoes.” She fastens a little bow to her hood. “How do I look?”
>>
No. 690411 ID: 977a6a

>no feet
Oh she's not a kobold after all she's a... ghost? You're dating a ghost. Okay. I guess that explains the spooky robes!

>how do I look?
Adorable
>>
No. 690413 ID: 3663d3

"the bow is nice, but i haven't seen your face yet so i can't accurately say how good you look."
>>
No. 690414 ID: 0fc976

Reminds me of spiders back home, crawling everywhere... Everywhere...
>>
No. 690446 ID: 5ea852

She looks adorable.

Ask her if you may see her face. It's kinda unfair that she knows how you look and you don't know how she looks beyond the mysterious stranger vibe.


She might be some weird type of warforged. Or a modron. Or a nordom. Or whatever else that is both mechanical and sapient.
>>
No. 690529 ID: defceb
File 145120019431.png - (168.84KB , 750x390 , e62.png )
690529

“Reminds me of spiders back home, crawling everywhere... Everywhere.”

She giggles. “Is that supposed to be a compliment or a pick-up line?”

“The bow is nice, but I haven't seen your face yet so I can't-”

She suddenly pushes me between two clothes racks and up against the wall. “You want to see what’s under the hood? In public?” She’s standing between me and the exit from this corner. I feel like a trapped mouse. “Isn’t that moving a little fast for first dates?”
>>
No. 690530 ID: 5ad4a7

I uh what but everyone else has visible faces!
>>
No. 690531 ID: 0fc976

Just let out a muffled 'eep.'
>>
No. 690532 ID: 977a6a

>I feel like a trapped mouse.
Well she is a snake / lizard thing, so that's appropriate.

>“You want to see what’s under the hood? In public?”
>“Isn’t that moving a little fast for first dates?”
Um, you're not sure! Hood-etiquette was never something that really came up underground!
>>
No. 690535 ID: 3663d3

"it's only fair, after all, you can see my face."
>>
No. 690536 ID: 39f669

Are you implying... that your face is NAKED under that hood?!
>>
No. 690547 ID: defceb
File 145120835685.png - (155.07KB , 611x633 , e63.png )
690547

>Well she is a snake / lizard thing, so that's appropriate.
Don’t snakes eat rodents? I think I read that once?? Is she going to eat me??? Is this how I die!?!?

>Are you implying... that your face is NAKED under that hood?!
“A-a-are you implying that you’re n-naked under that?” I missed a few words.

She pins me to the wall. This is it. I’m going to the great spider under the ground.

“Would you like to find out?”

She’s leaned close enough that I can see her mouth now. She looks like she’s been made out of silver. Even her teeth are silver. I don’t want to get eaten by a silver person I just wanted to have a nice quiet life on the surface now she’s licking her lips and her tongue is gold why would she have a gold tongue
>>
No. 690548 ID: defceb
File 145120836804.png - (206.75KB , 736x489 , e64.png )
690548

-cough-
>>
No. 690549 ID: 3663d3

EEP
faint.
>>
No. 690550 ID: 47160d

Tell her this is too aggressive.
>>
No. 690552 ID: defceb
File 145120985678.png - (2.17KB , 736x489 , e65.png )
690552

I faint. I might’ve made a noise, but I wasn’t awake enough to tell.
>>
No. 690553 ID: defceb
File 145120987262.png - (113.53KB , 627x635 , e66.png )
690553

When I wake up I’m back in my room. Looks like that spider has been busy since I left.
>>
No. 690554 ID: 5ad4a7

>>690553
Check inventory. Did you get any clothes?
>>
No. 690555 ID: fd93cf

Did the spider snag any insects.
>>
No. 690558 ID: 5ea852

Pay your respects to the spider and get back to work. As far as you know, you probably have to make up for your involuntary idleness.
...
You know, Cael being out of silver and gold, and you possibly being dragonblooded...that might not be a bad match. Check if she and her group are still here and apologise for your behaviour.
>>
No. 690561 ID: 3663d3

check inventory.
>>
No. 690583 ID: 977a6a

>>690553
Pet spider, leave offering.

Check for a note! Did she leave one?
>>
No. 690619 ID: defceb
File 145125490487.png - (107.20KB , 627x635 , e67.png )
690619

>Did the spider snag any insects.
Several! The rest of the room is spotless of invading insects as well.

>Pay your respects to the spider and get back to work
>Pet spider, leave offering.
I give the spider my respects. It drops a gold coin on my head.
>>
No. 690620 ID: defceb
File 145125495120.png - (92.62KB , 792x434 , e68.png )
690620

>Check inventory. Did you get any clothes?
>Check for a note! Did she leave one?

I find a pile of new clothes sitting in the corner, with a note and a dragonscale amulet resting on top of it. Looks like a selection of local attire. At the bottom of the pile I find some clothes from the specialty section, too.

I pick up the note and read it.

“Dear G’oran,


I guess I came on a bit strong last night. I got you some gifts to apologize for scaring you like that. I hope they’re to your taste.

Unfortunately my group will be leaving at first light. We received word that a barbarian king is trying to conquer the kingdom to the north, and will be leaving to assist the kingdom in short order. We’ve fronted the money to place a bounty on the necromancer’s student. Consider it a quest to protect your cute ass. [crudely drawn winky face] I’m sure there’s no shortage of adventurers looking to make some money this way.

We expect to be back by next winter at the latest, and will probably remain in town until the following spring at that time. If you’re still single when I return I’ll take you on a proper date.

Best Wishes,
Cael Sunborne”
>>
No. 690621 ID: 5ad4a7

>>690620
Cooooooool! Wear that necklace immediately. Find out what time it is, so you know if you have to get ready for work.
>>
No. 690622 ID: 977a6a

>I give the spider my respects. It drops a gold coin on my head.
Who says religion doesn't pay!

>We expect to be back by next winter at the latest
Oh dang, that could be a whil... wait what season is it now. Do you even know?

>Sunborne
Truly a fearsome warrior, to take her surname from the dreaded daystar itself! Especially if one of her ancestors bore it's children. No wonder she is powerful, with that blood in her veins.

...snake sun creatures have blood, right?

>what do
Equip amulet, check time. If it's time for work, dress for work and go to work. If it's not time for work, dress in other clothes and we'll think of something else to do.
>>
No. 690623 ID: 5ea852

>>690620
Oh...oh my. You've been marked by her. When surface matrons shower you with gifts and put bounties, they expect undying loyalty. The last line is not a fanciful daydream, it's both a promise and a warning.

You better obey her and remain chaste for her inevitable return.
>>
No. 690629 ID: defceb
File 145125798024.png - (85.75KB , 450x499 , e69.png )
690629

>Truly a fearsome warrior, to take her surname from the dreaded daystar itself! Especially if one of her ancestors bore it's children. No wonder she is powerful, with that blood in her veins.
I’m scared. Hold me.

>...snake sun creatures have blood, right?
I don’t know! I don’t know anything about snake sun creatures.

>Oh dang, that could be a whil... wait what season is it now. Do you even know?
I’m not familiar with telling seasons, but when I arrived at the surface it was very cold and there was a white powder in the distance. So I guess it’s winter now?

>Oh...oh my. You've been marked by her. When surface matrons shower you with gifts and put bounties, they expect undying loyalty. The last line is not a fanciful daydream, it's both a promise and a warning.
I-I’ve been marked? By an adventurer? An angry matron once killed 12 men before they were satisfied. I’ve heard an adventurer would kill 12,000.

I briefly consider hiding in a hole in the ground.

>Equip amulet, check time.
I put the amulet on. It feels very comfortable around my neck. Like an old trinket that’s found it’s way home.
>>
No. 690630 ID: defceb
File 145125801128.png - (111.55KB , 592x381 , e70.png )
690630

I step out to find Sprocket at the bar.

“You’re up early. Hungry?”
>>
No. 690631 ID: 3663d3

CONSUME
>>
No. 690632 ID: 977a6a

>So I guess it’s winter now?
Then worst case, you have a year till you see her again.

>Hungry
Ask for your allotment of gruel.
>>
No. 690633 ID: 5ea852

Accept what she's willing to give you.
>>
No. 690642 ID: 0fc976

We must feed!
>>
No. 690650 ID: defceb
File 145126452891.png - (71.90KB , 681x533 , e71.png )
690650

I accept her offer. She stands up and shouts for breakfast, and a few minutes later a pair of floating gloves put a plate in front of me. “Magic hands! I can’t be both in the kitchen and out here, and my assistants keep dying, but those hands don’t.”

...um.

“...I was just joking about the assistants dying. You’ll be fine I hope.”

I poke the thing on my plate.

“It’s just eggs and bread, won’t kill you.”

We eat breakfast together. Occasionally a hung-over adventurer stumbles down from their room and heads out the door, waving Sprocket a meek farewell in the process. It’s a quiet meal, and the food is pretty tasty. When we’re done Sprocket sweeps the plate out from under me.

“You don’t start work until dinner-time so feel free to relax ‘till then. If you have the chance to do some shopping for me while you’re out, I’d really appreciate it. I’ll pay, of course. But I know you had a bit of a scare last night and you’re new around here, don’t feel like you have to do it.”

Today I can...

[1] Go find Illya to learn more about the bounty and/or why she’s telling everyone about my dick.
[2] Take care of Sprocket’s shopping list.
[3] Go to the library and learn some stuff.
[4] Do a little tourism! Some of the high spires or outer walls must be pretty sights to see.
[5] Offer to help Sprocket with the alchemy lab.
>>
No. 690652 ID: 5ea852

Time to suck up to the boss a bit. In a way that is not life-endangering.
Option number 2.


Who's Illya again?
>>
No. 690653 ID: 0fc976

Let's go do 2 and 1 (definitely going with the 'and' option for number 1)
>>
No. 690654 ID: 977a6a

2, 5

Earn favor with the boss-lady. Earning favor with ladies is the key to survival, you know this.
>>
No. 690662 ID: 3663d3

1 and 2.

take list go search town, buy things as you find them.
>>
No. 690672 ID: defceb
File 145127644106.png - (196.83KB , 737x609 , e72.png )
690672

I accept Sprocket’s offer.

Her shopping list:

- 1 Virgin’s Tear
- 5 lbs. Dwarf Beard
- 3 drop of purified sunlight
- One cup Redwater

But first I’m going to go find Illya

>Who's Illya again?
I think it was that Guard Matron I met when I first arrived. I can’t think of anyone else who’d go around calling me dickless. I end up finding her outside some coffeehouse.
>>
No. 690674 ID: 0fc976

Make her cry. That'll be the first item off our checklist.
(Tears of laughter count, right?)
>>
No. 690675 ID: 799984

Oh hey, you can get that first one no prob. Don't even have to go anywhere.
>>
No. 690677 ID: 977a6a

>Virgin’s Tear
Obvious question: can you produce that yourself?

>5 lbs. Dwarf Beard
Maybe we should ask that dorf who wanted to be a hair stylist if there's a barber's somewhere we could hit up for clippings.

The sunlight might be tricky, though. Wouldn't that be dangerous to collect?

>>690672
Lead by asking about this bounty thing.

...then later awkwardly bring up that she's apparently been telling tales about you?
>>
No. 690680 ID: 5ad4a7

Go "Hey I heard you've been talking about my dick."
>>
No. 690681 ID: f56624

>>690680
>>
No. 690684 ID: e33784

Are you supposed to FIND these things, or buy them? Buying would be more straightforward, but finding/producing could be cheaper. However, if there's standard preparations that are expected to have already been done to the materials, you don't want to unknowingly miss those.
>>
No. 690686 ID: defceb
File 145129444133.png - (123.77KB , 495x517 , e73.png )
690686

>Oh hey, you can get that first one no prob. Don't even have to go anywhere.
>Obvious question: can you produce that yourself?
I'm not a virgin!

>Are you supposed to FIND these things, or buy them?
Hm, I forgot to ask Sprocket for clarification. I'm sure it'll work out, though.

>Go "Hey I heard you've been talking about my dick."
I walk up to her and say "Hey, I heard you've been talking about-"

"If this is your way of hitting on me then you should know that I've killed men far better than you for much less."

I shut my mouth. Another dorf brings her a flask filled with some smelly alcohol, saying "Here you go, Stormeater."

"I told you not to call me that."

"Whatever you say, Stormeater."
>>
No. 690687 ID: 5ad4a7

>>690686
What's the story behind that name?
Also ask about the bounty.
>>
No. 690688 ID: 3663d3

well then, ask her about the bounty business. and then after that show her your shopping list.
>>
No. 690690 ID: f56624

"flirting wasn't my aim, no."
we have a waifu already, she's scary but in a good way
>>
No. 690691 ID: defceb
File 145129666635.png - (119.58KB , 401x474 , e74.png )
690691

“So, what’s with the name?”

“Ancient history. If you really care to find out go read a book. Anything else I can help you with?”

“About that bounty…”

“10,000 alive, 8,000 dead. Finders keepers for the loot. If the group responsible for catching them gets the job through you or Sprocket then you guys get the middleman’s share. You can pick up official documents at the guard’s hall around noon, and by then we should have some idea of where they’re hiding. Anything else?”

I ask her about the shopping list.

“Redwater is easy enough. We get shipments of it from the docks.”

“Docks? Like seas and pirates and-”

“Like an underground river and little boats with boxes on them. Beard hair I don’t know, you’ll be lucky to find a dwarf willing to part with it, much less one with five pounds of it. The tears I’m sure you can just punch yourself until you cry.” I pout. “As for the sunlight well…” She takes a long swig from the flask. “Remember that wizard I was talking about before? That needed the assistant? You’ll have to ask them.”
>>
No. 690692 ID: 3663d3

explain you are not a virgin, at least... you are pretty sure what one of the things the matrons did to you when they were bored was sex?
>>
No. 690694 ID: 5ad4a7

Yes, you've got a lot of experience with strong women having their way with you.
>>
No. 690699 ID: 7ae8e1

Thank the lady for her help. Go to the wizard. Maybe he'll have some sort of potion for beard growth too.
>>
No. 690700 ID: 5ea852

We're kind of overthinking this. We can just find some kids and make them cry for the Virgin's Tear. Children are by default virgins and there's no way that you're THAT unlucky to find molested children in a DORF hold.

There's no point in trying to prove that you're not a virgin. Protesting will only make you more likely a target for teasing.

By saying 'middleman's share', what does that entail? How much would you get? Do you just need to spread the word about the bounty to receive or is there more to it?
>>
No. 690714 ID: 88960e

Let's do easy first. To the docks!

Beard hair, we should go back to the shop from before and talk to the dorf who did your hair.

>>690700
The risk there is making children cry is the kind of thing that gets evil foreigners lynched.

Buying stuff from the wizard should be sort of safe, so long as we don't stick around.
>>
No. 690726 ID: 5ea852

>>690714
I didn't mean to imply that random children should be terrorised. Maybe someone needs you to act the boogeyman for some disobedient brat or something in that vein.
>>
No. 690729 ID: 07826c

>>690714
why not make em cry from laughter? its easy, just grievously injure yourself in front of a child by stepping on a rake or something
>>
No. 690730 ID: 0f22cc

>>690691
Before we go make virgins cry we should ask the wizard whether a Virgin's Tear is the tear of a virgin or something else that they just call a virgin's tear.

For the dwarf beard go back to the blacksmith. If she's being a hairdresser she make have some extra hair lying around.
>>
No. 690796 ID: ab622b

>>690691
Seems almost a shame we couldn't do a Hobbit and run after Cael to go adventuring with them.

We woke up early and everything~

But ah well.

>1 Virgin’s Tear
Try the funeral services.
Or the Hospital.
Or maybe the Dentist (do dorfs have dentists?)
>>
No. 691460 ID: defceb
File 145181444450.png - (79.23KB , 694x417 , e75.png )
691460

“I’m not a virgin!”

“Oh, is that where your dick went?”

“It didn’t- I have a di-!””

“Shh, it’s okay, we all get self-conscious about our shortcomings.”

“It- I- they-!!!” I leave before I embarrass myself further.

>There's no point in trying to prove that you're not a virgin. Protesting will only make you more likely a target for teasing.
I should have listened!
>>
No. 691461 ID: defceb
File 145181446133.png - (70.50KB , 492x257 , e76.png )
691461

I stop by the blacksmith first. Apparently this isn’t the first time that Sprocket has needed beard hair from her. She says she’ll have the bag shipped straight to the inn.

It's... a pretty big bag.
>>
No. 691462 ID: defceb
File 145181451111.png - (125.25KB , 614x756 , e77.png )
691462

It takes me a while to find my way to the wizards’. I have to stop and ask for directions several times, and very few of the people I run into were willing to help. It’s supposed to be around this corner and down… the stairs…?

It’s a hole in the ground in the underground.
>>
No. 691464 ID: 5ad4a7

Wellll okay. Go knock.
>>
No. 691467 ID: 38685c

>>691462
Enter. Cautiously.
>>
No. 691469 ID: 0fc976

Dig your way in from the floor above. Such is the way of the dorf.
>>
No. 691470 ID: defceb
File 145181662598.png - (192.54KB , 806x864 , e78.png )
691470

I knock on the door and a sudden puff of smoke appears. When it clears there’s a… thing standing in front of me. I’m not sure what I’m looking at here.

“Dark elf, male, young adult. Illya told me of you.”

They sniff the air and lick their lips. Or at least I assume it’s their lips.

“Are you here about the assistant/apprenticeship program?”
>>
No. 691471 ID: 0fc976

Actually, I'm here to see the landlord about a rat problem in the basement.
>>
No. 691472 ID: 5ad4a7

Looks like a ratfolk. Tell her you have a job already but you're looking for some ingredients she might be able to help you with. Ask about the three ingredients you haven't gotten yet- does she know where you might find them? Or does she have some of them?
>>
No. 691476 ID: 99ca2b

>>691470
Nope. Sorry, I'm here about these ingredients
>>
No. 691479 ID: 38685c

>>691470
Yea. Ask for help. Be polite. Ratfolk and drow are both outcastes. Ask if virgin's tears are actually tears.
>>
No. 691580 ID: defceb
File 145187536924.png - (194.05KB , 1000x482 , e79.png )
691580

>Looks like a ratfolk.
I’ve seen ratfolk before and that is not one. Ratfolk have fur, this person has… I’m not entirely sure. It looks like their face is cast in shadows.

“Nope. Sorry, I’m here for some ingredients.” I hand them the list.

“Sprocket’s handwriting. Alchemy needs. Purified sunlight. Again.” They sigh and turn around with a dramatic gesture, throwing their door open. “Follow me.”

The inside is covered in old books, vials of strange liquids, and knick knacks strewn all over the place. A variety of bones, feathers, and charms dangle from the ceiling while dark creatures are crawling around in the corners.
>>
No. 691581 ID: defceb
File 145187538409.png - (155.68KB , 486x543 , e80.png )
691581

“Here we go. I’ll need this bottle to get your sunlight.” They point to a bottle sitting a few shelves up and set aside their staff. “I tried to destroy the sun once. My old tower had this window where the evening sun would shine in just right to get in my eyes, so naturally I had to get rid of the problem if I wanted to get any work done.”
>>
No. 691582 ID: defceb
File 145187539486.png - (155.28KB , 486x543 , e81.png )
691582

“Hup!”
>>
No. 691583 ID: defceb
File 145187542192.png - (162.73KB , 486x543 , e82.png )
691583

“...anyway, turns out that’s unreasonable to do from here so I researched other means. Permanent storm clouds over the local area would have worked, but apparently druids frown upon that. I tried redirecting the moons to stand between me and the sun at all times. Didn’t work out.”
>>
No. 691584 ID: defceb
File 145187543622.png - (179.22KB , 486x543 , e83.png )
691584

“Hup!”
>>
No. 691585 ID: defceb
File 145187545011.png - (164.04KB , 486x543 , e84.png )
691585

“...ahem, so, turns out it’s easier for me to teleport my tower underground than relocate celestial bodies. Less people breathing down my neck for it, and I don’t have to deal with sunlight down here.”
>>
No. 691587 ID: 3663d3

pick them up.
>>
No. 691589 ID: f2461f

Help the wizard out. Let's also keep talking about how annoying the sun is.
>>
No. 691591 ID: 38685c

>>691587
They're a female. Kneel and become a human stepladder.

Or look for a stepladder in the room.

Ask if they considered moving the window.
>>
No. 691592 ID: 799984

Wouldn't it have been easier to move the window? Like, rotate the tower or something, at the most drastic?

Hell, get some curtains.
>>
No. 691593 ID: d0868f

>It looks like their face is cast in shadows.
It's rude to stare! It's not an uncommon job hazard for black mages. Sometimes the price for their meddling in the dark arts is their face itself!

>I tried to destroy the sun once.
>the evening sun would shine in just right to get in my eyes
They tried to kill the Daystar and lived? Even when it went for their eyes?!

No wonder they live in a hole underground! They want to stay as far from the beast as they can after surviving.
>>
No. 691596 ID: 0fc976

They don't want to be embarrassed in front of a guest, so be subtle when you help them. And by subtle, I mean "accidentally" knock the shelf over.
>>
No. 691638 ID: 607278

>>691591
This. Except for the last part, that's rude.
>>
No. 691642 ID: a107fd

Seconding the living stepladder plan. Taking the jar down yourself might also be an option, but is presumptuous and risks damaging something valuable.

Having found yourself in the presence of a loquacious expert, ask follow-up questions such as: how does the sun stack up, for practical purposes, compared to other hazards of the surface world? What precautions can a layman such as yourself take to maximize chances of survival?
>>
No. 691648 ID: 5ad4a7

Oh, and don't forget, you gotta ask her if there's something going on with you and dragonscales! Describe the feelings you have.
>>
No. 691813 ID: defceb
File 145199302489.png - (181.31KB , 533x726 , e85.png )
691813

>It's rude to stare! It's not an uncommon job hazard for black mages. Sometimes the price for their meddling in the dark arts is their face itself!
Is… is that true? Does that mean my face will disappear if I try to harness magic? I like my face!

>They tried to kill the Daystar and lived? Even when it went for their eyes?!
They must be very strong to still be alive!

>No wonder they live in a hole underground! They want to stay as far from the beast as they can after surviving.
I would do the same!

>Ask if they considered moving the window.
>Wouldn't it have been easier to move the window? Like, rotate the tower or something, at the most drastic?
>Hell, get some curtains.
I have a strong sense that asking those questions would result in bodily harm.

>Stepladder
I offer to be their stepladder.

“Living stepladder. Novel idea. I should make one of my own. Perhaps a golem trained in orderly chores? No, no, I don’t want to repeat last time I tried to make a domestic golem. I’ll create a new species of plant that can be compelled by arcane means- no the druids would be knocking on my door again. Intelligent birds? Hmm….”

They continue rambling as they climb on top of me.

>Having found yourself in the presence of a loquacious expert, ask follow-up questions such as: how does the sun stack up, for practical purposes, compared to other hazards of the surface world? What precautions can a layman such as yourself take to maximize chances of survival?
I ask those questions.

“If you’re looking for hazards on the surface there’s more than I can count. Wyverns in summer, ice elementals in winter, adventures thinking I’m an evil warlock who wants to conquer the world- that used to be my next door neighbor. We’d have drinking nights and see who could launch a fireball the farthest. I think I once burned down a small village doing that. Or he did. I had more than my body’s weight in ale by then. Ahh, good times. If you ever want to go to a good party, go to a warlock's. They know how to go wild. Not like necromancers. Always brooding and raising zombies. I had one of them knocking on my door the other day. Something about a book.”
>>
No. 691814 ID: 5ad4a7

>>691813
Ask how she usually deals with the shelves. Telekinesis?
>>
No. 691819 ID: 904bad

>>691813
Oh, hey, you know that guy! good chap, tried to rob you blind once, but good chap. Ask if her if she knows anything about that book. Also, is it dangerous to carry the concentrated essence of Daystar? sounds dangerous.
>>
No. 691820 ID: 3d2d5f

>I have a strong sense that asking those questions would result in bodily harm.
Obviously a finely tuned "don't say that" sense is a prerequisite to surviving the matrons.

>Living stepladder
Perhaps they could purchase a more ordinary stepladder to make do with until they fine tune the more permanent or aesthetically pleasing solution?

>wyverns and ice elementals and adventurers
Oh my!

>book person
Oh, did they say how they could be contacted if anyone found the book? (Maybe we can help that bounty along, or use the book as bait?).
>>
No. 691821 ID: 6dbafd

Careful, that cat's about to use your head as a comfy nest.
If you completely ignore it and let it stay on your head it'll give you gifts instead of scalping you alive!
>>
No. 691826 ID: 5ad4a7

Oh! If you tell her about the bounty, and she collects it, you'll get your percentage. So tell her!
>>
No. 691829 ID: 2a7417

Why did he ask you? Do you sell books here?
>>
No. 691965 ID: defceb
File 145207883337.png - (130.27KB , 738x402 , e86.png )
691965

>Obviously a finely tuned "don't say that" sense is a prerequisite to surviving the matrons.
It’s better to watch a matron be a fool than be punished for correcting her.

More entertaining, too.

>Careful, that cat's about to use your head as a comfy nest.
If you completely ignore it and let it stay on your head it'll give you gifts instead of scalping you alive!

That’s a cat? It jumps on my head once the wizard hops off. It’s very light, almost like it weighs nothing at all.

>Why did he ask you? Do you sell books here?

“Oh I don’t know, you know kids. Always on about precious heirloom this, priceless artifact that. If I had a nickle for every wide-eyed hero coming to me about a ‘timeless artifact of great strength’ they need to defeat ‘the ultimate evil destroying all the land’ I’dve retired by now. Sometimes it feels like these ‘great ancient artifacts' are growing on trees. Where do they all come from? Did some blacksmith thousands of years ago spend all day forging magic swords thinking ‘gee 1000 years from now this will help in an oddly specific scenario. Always swords, too. Why swords?” They walk around the room, grabbing armfuls of various books, wands, and vials. In the process they pull out a box full of weird looking swords. “Don't mind those, they’re just experiments. I’m probably going leave them at the bottom of a dungeon somewhere. Maybe stick one in a stone.”

>Oh! If you tell her about the bounty, and she collects it, you'll get your percentage. So tell her!
I tell her about the bounty.

“How much is the bounty?”

“10,000 alive, 8,000 dead”

“Bah, hardly worth my time to leave home, much less walk down to the underdocks. I hate going there. It’s cold, slimy, I’m fairly certain I could find a dead body if I flipped over the right stone. Granted, the kid didn’t tell me that they were staying near the docks but everyone who lives there smells kind of the same. That weird fishy smell. Speaking of fish maybe I should have salmon tonight. Stay here, I’ll be back with your sunlight.”

They walk off somewhere, leaving me alone in a room full of strange magical contraptions. Those ‘cats’ all over the place start congregating at my feet and making weird noises at me.
>>
No. 691966 ID: 5ad4a7

>>691965
We have a lead, then... If we can find someone willing to go to the underdocks and strong enough to emerge victorious, we can collect on that SWEET SWEET GOLD.

Gently touch the cats. Hmm. Consider if you like them or not.
>>
No. 691967 ID: 3663d3

they are hungry and asking you to deliver their food. tell them you will get the food if they point you in the right direction. they may not understand. in which case look around for any containers with an image of a cat.
>>
No. 691976 ID: 5ea852

Do not touch the cats. They are fickle creatures, like matrons. And just like with matrons, they may show you kindness and affection, but if you dare to show some initiative to respond to that affection, you will be severely punished. And cats are extremely deadly for commoners such as yourself.

Just...keep still until the wizard matron returns.
>>
No. 691980 ID: 3d2d5f

Show respect to the cats. They expect to be pampered.

They may not be spiders but they are predators and your betters and it is your place to pet them gently in supplication.
>>
No. 691994 ID: b77265

Dont. Touch. Everything!
>>
No. 692011 ID: defceb
File 145211934825.png - (129.79KB , 586x408 , e87.png )
692011

>Gently touch the cats.
>Do not touch the cats.
I… I don’t know what to do! The cats must be able to smell my fear because now they’re crawling all over me! I feel scared. What do I do!?
>>
No. 692012 ID: 54d6e0

>>692011
>how to cat
1: Allow cat to sniff hand.
2: Place hand on top of cat's head.
3: Gently move hand down cat's body, following the spine and tail.
4: You have successfully petted a cat. Go to 1. Optionally rotate to a new cat.

Troubleshooting:
If cat makes a rumbling noise: that's just the fan. Normal operation. Ignore.
If cat make sharp growl or hiss: that is the cat's "stop that, leave me alone noise". Cease previous action.
If cat bites or scratches you: You deserved that. Cease previous action.
>>
No. 692013 ID: 3663d3

the problem is they are fickle. but well, you dealt with fickle people all the time before right? so you want to pet them until they don't want to be pet any more.
>>
No. 692016 ID: 7ae8e1

Cats tend to get all over people who ignore them, so pet them.
>>
No. 692019 ID: b5b419

>>692011
pette tthee catte
>>
No. 692026 ID: f0e552

>>692011
Don't worry the cats are pretty neat, and they only claw you if they don't like you, but they seem to love you, so just sit down and pet all three at once with your two arms and one leg
>>
No. 692031 ID: 5ea852

Okay, listen. Stand perfectly still. Feline malice is based on movement. If you do nothing, there won't be anything you would provoke a reaction with. Otherwise, reap Lolth's wrath and may Eilistraee help you.
>>
No. 692033 ID: a107fd

Cats are carnivorous, but also vain and lazy. Best way to placate them is by doing some of the manual labor of retrieving food and/or grooming so they don't have to do it themselves. Worst response you're likely to get, if you're obviously making an effort to be cooperative, is a minor bite or scratch; more likely is some indignant yowling and hissing and a hasty retreat. They don't have the tools or patience to maul you in any serious way.

Purring is how cats relax, and rubbing nose and cheek against something is how they lay scent markers, both of which indicate approval.

Consider asking the wizard whether you can have one of those experimental swords, for personal defense, if they're just going to be thrown away otherwise.
>>
No. 692066 ID: fb17e6

>>692011
lmao 3 cat
>>
No. 692070 ID: 5ad4a7

The wizard said not to worry about them. It's probably fine to do whatever.
>>
No. 692138 ID: defceb
File 145223596360.png - (92.36KB , 511x383 , e88.png )
692138

>Consider asking the wizard whether you can have one of those experimental swords, for personal defense, if they're just going to be thrown away otherwise.
I should do that once they come back.

>how to cat
>1: Allow cat to sniff hand.
Done.

>2: Place hand on top of cat's head.
It feels pretty cold.

>3: Gently move hand down cat's body, following the spine and tail.
This is weird what am I doing why does it like this why is it making a rumbling noise.

>If cat makes a rumbling noise: that's just the fan. Normal operation. Ignore.
Oh okay.

>4: You have successfully petted a cat. Go to 1. Optionally rotate to a new cat.
Cats are strange. I want one.

I proceed to pet all the cats. They seem to like it.
>>
No. 692139 ID: defceb
File 145223597461.png - (87.20KB , 475x385 , e89.png )
692139

They seem to like it a lot.

Send help.
>>
No. 692140 ID: defceb
File 145223598829.png - (116.68KB , 645x524 , e90.png )
692140

Later…

“I got your sunlight! Uh… hello? Where did he go?”
>>
No. 692147 ID: 5ad4a7

>>692140
Call for help.
>>
No. 692161 ID: 38685c

>>692140
Normal cats are not cold. Also do not multiply, at least not in this timescale.
>>
No. 692164 ID: 3663d3

yell for help.
>>
No. 692170 ID: 5ea852

I TOLD YOU, DROW! I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE CATS!
>>
No. 692176 ID: f0e552

>>692140
THIS IS AMAZING CAN I HAVE ONE
>>
No. 692181 ID: 243dc7

>>692161
>[cats] do not multiply, at least not in this timescale.
You forgot we're inside a dwarf fortress.
>>
No. 692188 ID: 3d2d5f

>>692140
Halp, pls. Too much cat!
>>
No. 692243 ID: 38b10a

>>692161
maybe it just feels cold cuz go'ran's smokin' hot~
>>
No. 692290 ID: 99a64d

>>692140
Maybe we should just stick with spiders...
>>
No. 692384 ID: defceb
File 145232231814.png - (133.44KB , 695x453 , e91.png )
692384

I cry out for help. The wizard lifts away the top layer of cats from me.

"Having fun down there?"

"I saw my life flash before my eyes. It was sad."

"Well I have your sunlight so..."
>>
No. 692385 ID: a22f87

why does she have so many cats?
>>
No. 692386 ID: f61b8d

"Thank you."

Possibly followed by, "...I'm stuck."

Were you given money to pay for these things, or what? Otherwise you'll need to tell her that she can send the invoice to Sprocket.
>>
No. 692387 ID: 61fd94

Are cats related to spiders? Are they wrapping me in a cocoon before they consume me?

>>692386
Also this dialog.
>>
No. 692399 ID: e175cc

>>692384
WHAT A "CAT"ASTROPHE!
>>
No. 692400 ID: 5ad4a7

>>692384
Weren't the cats supposed to weigh almost nothing? You should be able to get out of the pile yourself.
>>
No. 692517 ID: 799984

Ask if they could collect your tears. You need those for your shopping anyway.
>>
No. 692548 ID: 5ad4a7

>>692517
He's not a virgin.
>>
No. 693328 ID: defceb
File 145264113008.png - (97.91KB , 554x383 , e92.png )
693328

"Thank you."

I try to move.

"...I'm stuck."

"Don't worry I know the right spell for this." She proceeds to bonk me on the head saying 'off Yaga!' until all the cats scatter, save for one that refuses to move. She gives it a few more taps before she shrugs and says "Eh fuck it, you can keep it."

>Were you given money to pay for these things, or what? Otherwise you'll need to tell her that she can send the invoice to Sprocket.
I wasn't given any money for this. "Invoice Sprocket?"

"The usual then. Tell her to keep the back window open for their arrival."

>collect the tears
I'm not a virgin!!
>>
No. 693329 ID: 5ad4a7

>>693328
Before you go, bring up the feelings you've been having towards gold, the dragonskin armor, and the scale pendant.
>>
No. 693336 ID: 5ea852

>>693328
Well, say hello to your new furry parasite. You will need to appease it with food and milk else it will get grumpy and bite-prone.
>>
No. 693339 ID: 8c66a6

>Eh fuck it, you can keep it.
You have a cat! Now you will never be without someone to serve.

>>693329
Yes, we might want to ask the wizard about weird magic stuff.
>>
No. 693360 ID: 0fc976

Well, maybe the wizard can make you one.
>>
No. 693376 ID: fd202f

... is the cat a virgin?
>>
No. 693392 ID: f0e552

>>693328
yessss we have a cat

don't worry you'll love him, or her. Which is it? Also we need to name it based on this fact.
>>
No. 693397 ID: 5ad4a7

Ask if there's someone Sprocket usually gets the virgin tears from.
>>
No. 693432 ID: defceb
File 145267510104.png - (112.38KB , 565x484 , e93.png )
693432

>Well, say hello to your new furry parasite. You will need to appease it with food and milk else it will get grumpy and bite-prone.
I feel like I've been handed a great responsibility with no understanding.

>Magic stuff
I mention feeling weird around gold and the dragon material.

She's giving me a weird look now. "Oh reeeeaa-he-he-he-heeeaallly? I thought I smelled something earlier. Tell me- what was your name again? Gorbachev?"

"G'oran."

"G'oran. Is there anything you hold precious? Gold? Women? Men? Adoration of others? Ancient texts?"
>>
No. 693437 ID: 904bad

Hummm... spiders?... your life?

Why are you looking me like that?
>>
No. 693441 ID: 73c49c

I do have a ineradicable urge to hoard gold, and wear dragon hide. that stuff looks great. But I don't have the urge to hoard either gender or texts of any sort......yet.
>>
No. 693453 ID: 5ad4a7

>>693432
Just shrug and go "I dunno."

Escape at the earliest opportunity.
>>
No. 693454 ID: 3d2d5f

>>693432
I enjoy, um, not suffering?

(Cower for your temerity! How could you admit something like that?! She's gonna punish you for sure now).
>>
No. 693465 ID: 2a7417

Fine leather jackets.
>>
No. 693486 ID: 31f075

I like Cael.
>>
No. 693528 ID: defceb
File 145272262724.png - (111.81KB , 664x430 , e94.png )
693528

"S-spiders? Gold? Nice clothes? my life? Not getting punished, Cael is pretty nice I think why are you looking at me like that?"

>(Cower for your temerity! How could you admit something like that?! She's gonna punish you for sure now).
I cower appropriately. It's very easy in this situation.

"And do you crave power, G'oran?"
>>
No. 693530 ID: 3663d3

i doubt we can lie to them, wizards got powers.

so yes.
>>
No. 693536 ID: 5ad4a7

Wouldn't mind a bit of power. It would be easier to get gold.
>>
No. 693539 ID: 007e78

>"And do you crave power, G'oran?"
Everyone around me has always had power. And a lot of it. I reasonably fear and respect it!
>>
No. 693541 ID: defceb
File 145272540941.png - (28.06KB , 374x281 , e95.png )
693541

"Uh... yes?"

"Good! Then you should start hoarding the things you hold dear. Gold, fashion, anything. Make a pile and lay in it. Indulge your greed to it's fulled extent. Get enough and you'll start seeing results from that blood of yours."

"H-how much?"

"Wrong question! A dragon never has enough!"
>>
No. 693542 ID: defceb
File 145272546565.png - (92.63KB , 667x437 , e96.png )
693542

"Now I'm a very busy person so GOODBYE!"
>>
No. 693545 ID: 3663d3

well, to the blacksmith/barber.
>>
No. 693546 ID: 007e78

I guess we should go to the docks to get some redwater next?

The cat will like the docks. Yummy fish!
>>
No. 693547 ID: 5ad4a7

>>693542
Well alright then. Go back and tell Sprocket your progress so far, maybe ask where she gets the virgin tears from usually.

Also see if there are any adventurers hanging around that you can tell about the bounty.
>>
No. 693557 ID: 5ea852

Considering the number of very odd matrons you need to deal with on a daily basis now, wonder if leaving for the surface was really worth it.
>>
No. 693560 ID: 799984

All right, time to make a pile of spiders to sleep on.
>>
No. 693585 ID: 38685c

>>693557
No torture tuesday! Odd but less dangerous.
>>
No. 693591 ID: 38685c

>>693546
There's a necromancer on the docks who wants to beat us up for book. So we might want to alert some adventurers to that fact before we head down there. Also, look for a priest or paladin with an oath of chastity.
>>
No. 693726 ID: defceb
File 145275575213.png - (204.47KB , 632x364 , e97.png )
693726

>I guess we should go to the docks to get some redwater next?
Good plan!

>Considering the number of very odd matrons you need to deal with on a daily basis now, wonder if leaving for the surface was really worth it.
On one hand, many matrons and very odd.

On the other:
>No torture tuesday! Odd but less dangerous.
Agreed.

>So we might want to alert some adventurers to that fact before we head down there. Also, look for a priest or paladin with an oath of chastity.
All I know about paladins is that they can smell evil and I was always told to run if I saw one. I’m not entirely sure if I’m safe from them now.

...why the oath of chastity?

I think I find one. They’re dressed in shiny armor and have something painted over their face. I feel an instinctual need to get away from them.
>>
No. 693727 ID: defceb
File 145275576983.png - (157.72KB , 685x410 , e98.png )
693727

I also spot a small band of adventurers wandering around. Small in both party size and stature, but I’m sure their height isn’t any hinderance.

[1]Tell the paladin about the bounty
[2] Tell the little adventurers about the bounty
[3] Tell them both
-and/or ask for their help while visiting the docks?
>>
No. 693730 ID: 38685c

>>693726
Because asking a priest or a paladin if they have an oath of chastity is less awkward than asking random strangers if they're a virgin.
>>693727
Lil dudes. Tell them that you might be ambushed by the necromancer and they should sneak after you. Assuming they're good at sneaking cuz they're lil.
>>
No. 693732 ID: f6442a

3 - adventurers, then paladin. And definitely ask about the vow of chastity. Out loud. In public.
>>
No. 693734 ID: edf87a

Tell them both. It can't hurt.
>>
No. 693744 ID: 5ad4a7

>>693727
2. Don't tempt fate.
>>
No. 693758 ID: 904bad

The mages is tiny and a mage, that can't maaaaybe we dont need a paladin for the tears? anyway, ill go for 1. or 3, I believe if we can get friendly with the paladin dude it's going to be less awkward to ask for tears...
>>
No. 693773 ID: 01c11d

3 and i dont know about asking all of them, you might grab too much attention, going around with a "big" party of adventurers.
>>
No. 693778 ID: 3d2d5f

>>693727
Tell the small ones. The one with the bleeding face emblem is too scary. And looks like they'd care less about a monetary reward.
>>
No. 693779 ID: 3663d3

>>693778
maybe, but in that case, defeating a necromancer would be its own reward to them.

so 3

and don't ask about chastity. just show people the list.
>>
No. 695770 ID: defceb
File 145327660853.png - (140.27KB , 643x344 , e99.png )
695770

I go up to the little adventurers and try to talk to them. I have a difficult time trying to get their attention until they hear the word ‘bounty’ and then whip right back around to pay attention. I proceed to explain the details of the bounty and ask for them to follow me to the docks.

“But do you know exactly where the necromancer is?”
“Or have a plan?”
The wizard is clutching a fistful of six-sided die. “Do you think they’re in a dungeon? With a boss fight?”
>>
No. 695771 ID: 3663d3

the necromancer themselves are the boss fight with a horde of undead minions protecting them in a very dungeon like structure. clearly.
>>
No. 695786 ID: 38685c

>>695770
No, but he might attack me. Yes, you follow me around and then beat him up while I run away screaming. Maybe- do the docks count as a dungeon?
>>
No. 695790 ID: 904bad

Ehhhh yea, sure, probably... maybe...
>>
No. 695800 ID: 5ea852

>>695770
Well, they're certainly in a structure with multiple interconnected rooms - it might be a dungeon in vaguest sense possible. And the necromancer itself is the boss fight. Or a mini-boss fight. There might be someone behind necromancer's activities.
>>
No. 695808 ID: 5ad4a7

>>695770
The plan is I'm the bait.
>>
No. 695811 ID: 3d2d5f

>>695770
>know where they are or have a plan
Is that important?

>in a dungeon
Probably not? Unless they're hiding in their former master's broken tower. But they're more likely in town.
>>
No. 695934 ID: 99a64d

Plans are for nerds. There may or may not be a dungeon. There is definitely a boss fight, possibly with loot. I have a sneaking suspicion that these adventurers are not what they seem.
>>
No. 696131 ID: defceb
File 145337234141.png - (239.55KB , 754x602 , e100.png )
696131

“The necromancer themselves are the boss fight with a horde of undead minions protecting them in a very dungeon like structure. clearly.”
“And the plan?”
“Plans are for nerds.”

The three of them all nod in agreement. I look around but can’t spot the other paladin nearby anymore, so the four of us walk to the underdocks.

The place is just like Illya described. A little meandering river trails through the area, with dwarves carrying big hooks hauling little ships full of boxes. The whole place smells strange to me, and everywhere I look I see people hiding in dark corners. I would feel particularly unsafe if I didn’t have these little adventurers by my side.
>>
No. 696303 ID: 5ad4a7

>>696131
Go accost someone that's hiding in a dark corner. Ask where you can find the necromancer(s).
>>
No. 697535 ID: defceb
File 145387837138.png - (160.27KB , 840x390 , e101.png )
697535

We gang up on one of those shady alley people.

“Where’s the necromancer!?” I say perhap a little more loudly than I intended.
“Hey! What’s your problem?” The shady looking dwarf retorts. “I’m just trying to mind my own business making an honest living here.”
“An honest living by picking pockets?” The rogue speaks up.
“I’m honest about it and I make a living. I don’t see the problem.”

[1] Intimidate
[2] Diplomacy
[3] Knowledge (Local)
[4] ______
>>
No. 697537 ID: 5ad4a7

>>697535
What about some minor bribery?
>>
No. 697542 ID: f0e552

>>697535
Time for some good cop bad cop. Someone intimidates while you diplomacy, or the other way around. Or you could be the good cop and the bad cop?
>>
No. 697557 ID: 2a7417

4) Tallness
>>
No. 697558 ID: 3d2d5f

2

If that fails 3.

If that fails 1.
>>
No. 697626 ID: 5ea852

Try diplomacy first. Offer him a booze round at your workplace in exchange for info.

If it doesn't work, go for intimidation. Tell him that you'll remove the beard from his chin if he doesn't 'fess up.
>>
No. 697707 ID: 38685c

>>697535
If they tell you where the necromancer is you'll go away
>>
No. 697896 ID: defceb
File 145402349218.png - (68.02KB , 436x366 , e102.png )
697896

"So what do you know about the necromancer?"
"Hey now, do I look like a snitch? I don't know nothin', and I certainly don't know anything I could tell the likes of you-"
"Oh what a shame I guess I'll have to bribe some other dwarf with alcohol."
"OH I JUST REMEMBERED!I saw one of those shady looking necromancer types hanging around past the warehouses, over where the redwater is sold. I don't know why he'd be there, honest, there's just old caves and abandoned mines in that sector. So uh... about that alcohol...?"
>>
No. 697897 ID: 5ad4a7

Oh hey now we know where to get redwater, too.

Buy him a mug of... something cheap.
>>
No. 697900 ID: 02422f

>>697896
Booze him.
>>
No. 697909 ID: 38685c

>>697896
We have no alcohol on us right now so tell him about the inn we work at where we shall purchase the finest fermented purring maggot milk. Or what we can afford.
>>
No. 697916 ID: 3663d3

obv anyone could SAY you sent them. so when you get there go "i'm here for the good stuff, wink wink nudge nudge" that will tell her you are legit.
>>
No. 697984 ID: 99a64d

Huh? I just said I'm going to bribe a different dwarf, what are you still doing here?
>>
No. 698064 ID: 927808

Just be like, "Sike!" and lead your posse outta there.
>>
No. 698833 ID: a107fd

>>697909
Tell him to come to the inn tonight and you'll let him buy drinks with your employee discount.
>>
No. 698869 ID: defceb
File 145457018786.png - (141.22KB , 616x327 , e103.png )
698869

>Huh? I just said I'm going to bribe a different dwarf, what are you still doing here?
Tempting, but I worry he might react violently. Even with the adventurers at my side I wouldn't want to risk getting cut first.

>Him to inn
I direct him to the inn and we go our separate ways. Though I see more shady personalities along the way, none of them stop to bother me. Looks like having these three around is enough intimidation to be left alone in the shady parts of town.

Before too long we arrive at the warehouses. I spot the stall where the redwater is sold as well, though it looks like the shopkeep is sleeping on the job...?
>>
No. 698871 ID: 5ad4a7

Wait is that another fucking drow? BROTHERRRRR

Poke him, buy a jar, ask where da necromancers at.
>>
No. 698900 ID: 38685c

>>698869
Is lil knight dude a lil knight dude or a lil paladin dude with detect evil? In any case, ask them what they wanna do. You've completed your mission, halfway at least, so the chances of running into the necromancer are dropping fast.
>>
No. 698902 ID: 247b8f

Wake the seller up. Delicately, like a elephant in a glasshouse
>>
No. 698931 ID: 2a7417

Just plop 2 gold down and take a jar. You don't need to bother him.
>>
No. 698968 ID: 02422f

>>698869
Is that a dark elf, sky elf, high elf, forest elf, desert elf, dessert elf, or sludge elf?
>>
No. 698984 ID: defceb
File 145462268199.png - (47.98KB , 483x499 , e104.png )
698984

>Is lil knight dude a lil knight dude or a lil paladin dude with detect evil? In any case, ask them what they wanna do. You've completed your mission, halfway at least, so the chances of running into the necromancer are dropping fast.
I ask. The Paladin says he can find them from here. The three of them march off towards the warehouses, weapons raised and ready for glory.

>Wait is that another fucking drow? BROTHERRRRR
They're another elf for sure, but their skin is more of an amber color. Wood elf, maybe?

>Just plop 2 gold down and take a jar. You don't need to bother him.
Done. Now I'm all set for the redwater. That leaves the virgin's tear. How am I going to get that?
>>
No. 698987 ID: 5ad4a7

Well we're in a black market of sorts. There's bound to be someone around here selling that. Ask the shopkeep you just gave business to!
>>
No. 699009 ID: f4ce51

Plan A) go find a child, punch him and get some tears
Plan LessBatmanVillian) You can find a mother with a son already crying... is going to be weird, but maybe you can convince her to let you get some tears...
>>
No. 699109 ID: 240e41

>>699009
just tell them you're running errands for an alchemist, It's not weird at all.
>>
No. 699369 ID: defceb
File 145472431109.png - (56.91KB , 405x272 , e105.png )
699369

>Plan A) go find a child, punch him and get some tears

I think I found one.

Are... are you sure this is a good idea?
>>
No. 699372 ID: 02422f

>>699369
If you attack a child, the adventurers will probably decide you're a monster, kill you, and take your stuff.

Let's go beat up the necromancer and make them cry instead. I bet they're a virgin!
>>
No. 699376 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699369
No. He can probably beat you up. Ask if he wants to help you go make some virgin nerd cry.
>>
No. 699394 ID: 5bbf95

No, the real suggestion was finding a crying one, buuuuut we are already here... and while hitting him would no be a bad idea, maybe we can say something to make him cry? What can make a dwarf child cry? "Hey, your friends laugh at your beard at your back"?
>>
No. 699410 ID: defceb
File 145473259980.png - (72.95KB , 534x272 , e106.png )
699410

>No. He can probably beat you up. Ask if he wants to help you go make some virgin nerd cry.
"Hey kid, want to go make a nerd cry?"
>>
No. 699411 ID: defceb
File 145473261786.png - (82.10KB , 534x272 , e107.png )
699411

"Done."

I... guess that worked. I now have a Virgin's Tear.
>>
No. 699413 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699411
Awesome, thanks kid.

Let's go deliver the goods! Afterwards, check the status of your bounty. Maybe the small heroes are done?
>>
No. 699417 ID: 02422f

Go deliver everything. Don't keep mistress waiting!
>>
No. 699423 ID: f6442a

Hop on one leg back to the inn.
>>
No. 699452 ID: 38685c

>>699411
...Do you have a bottle or
>>
No. 699957 ID: defceb
File 145490404556.png - (63.16KB , 447x270 , e107.png )
699957

>Go deliver everything. Don't keep mistress waiting!
>Hop on one leg back to the inn.
I hop on one leg back. It's strange, tiring, and seems to keep people from getting in my way so I guess it works.

Back home I find Sprocket face-down over the counter, snoring up a storm. I can't claim to be an expert on the matter but I feel it's safe to say that's not normal.
>>
No. 699958 ID: 47160d

She is drunk it's fine, just leave the stuff she wanted next to her
>>
No. 699960 ID: 5ad4a7

>>699957
Leave the ingredients on the counter for her.

So. When was the last time you ate? Maybe you should eat.
>>
No. 699961 ID: f6442a

Is that vomit on the counter? Roll her over to make sure she doesn't choke on the stuff.
>>
No. 699963 ID: 38685c

>>699957
Sleep is an easy as hell spell and if she was supposed to be asleep she wouldn't be in the middle of the bar. Wake her up. Remember: around adventurers, adventures happen.
>>
No. 699965 ID: 99a64d

I believe it's a dwarven tradition to wake someone up by slamming a pint of beer down next to their head.
>>
No. 700016 ID: 5ea852

>>699965
But neither of us is a dwarf.
>>
No. 700081 ID: e4abe1

>>700016
and we already received a painful welcome the last time we tried to follow the dwarven traditions...
>>
No. 700195 ID: 99a64d

>>700081
Well it's not like gnome or drow traditions are any better.
>>
No. 700396 ID: defceb
File 145500707578.png - (84.62KB , 604x334 , e108.png )
700396

>Leave the ingredients on the counter for her.
Done.

>I believe it's a dwarven tradition to wake someone up by slamming a pint of beer down next to their head.
That sounds potentially dangerous!

>and we already received a painful welcome the last time we tried to follow the dwarven traditions...
I can feel my crotch pre-emptively flinching in pain.

>Well it's not like gnome or drow traditions are any better.
FAIR ENOUGH I TRY SLAMMING ONE DOWN.

...


No response.
>>
No. 700397 ID: defceb
File 145500720369.png - (106.05KB , 640x379 , e109.png )
700397

An adventurer covered in heavy armor practically storms in through the front door.

"Hello fair Innkeep! Are you open for business?"

I try shaking Sprocket awake. Still nothing. "Uh, technically n-"

"VERY GOOD! I desire your strongest drink! Something to soothe my tired muscles from the wear of the road."

Um

"I also would like tea to go with it." Other adventurers start filing in after him, forming a little crowd by the entrance.
>>
No. 700413 ID: a22f87

well you should probably get ready for the day then. Just put the ingredients in your room so no on takes them and leave the mug next to sproket so no one messes with her.
>>
No. 700432 ID: 3d2d5f

>>700397
You know how to do this part! You did it fine last night.

Quick-change into your work uniform and start serving guests.
>>
No. 700435 ID: 2a7417

No time to change, only time to uncork that tap!
>>
No. 700505 ID: ff0953

>>700397
KEEP SLAMMING THAT BEER UNTIL EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS AWAKE
>>
No. 700587 ID: f4d940

Maybe ask if anybody has any experience as a cleric, because the barkeep is unconscious.
>>
No. 700651 ID: defceb
File 145508515741.png - (115.38KB , 552x324 , e110.png )
700651

>No time to change, only time to uncork that tap!
On it!

>Maybe ask if anybody has any experience as a cleric, because the barkeep is unconscious.
"Is anybody in here a cleric? We have a sleeping barkeep over here!"
>>
No. 700652 ID: defceb
File 145508519180.png - (189.64KB , 745x469 , e111.png )
700652

"I think she's just taking a nap. So... can I still get a drink or...?"
>>
No. 700653 ID: 5ad4a7

>>700652
I think it was implied that an Awaken spell could be used.
But yeah do your job, manager or no.
>>
No. 700654 ID: 3663d3

dang, well keep giving out the drinks if anyone complains about service being slow tell them they can wake up the barkeep themselves to get more hands on deck.
>>
No. 700660 ID: 534caf

>>700652
you need to charge people too

GOLD MONIEZ
>>
No. 700661 ID: 38685c

>>700653
Awaken is what you use if you want a plant or a dog to talk.

>>700652
Shake her gently than not so gently, followed by a slap. The inability to wake up either means magic or a coma, both are which are not nice things.

Tell the person you can't make tea until your boss is awake.
>>
No. 700662 ID: 38685c

>>700661
And if she wakes up grumpy tell her about drow assassins and sleeping poison or magic or something. Bullshit if you have to, they probably know as little about drow as you do about dwarves.
>>
No. 700663 ID: 38685c

>>700661
You can't make tea because she's an alchemist and hasn't told you which are the tea herbs and which are the alchemy herbs.
>>
No. 701445 ID: defceb
File 145534315407.png - (64.19KB , 433x340 , e112.png )
701445

>Shake her gently than not so gently, followed by a slap
I shake Sprocket until she wakes up. "Hnn, huh what?"

"Sprocket people are here it's time to work."

"No it's not I haven't even finished my nap yet."

"Sprocket what time is it."

"...noon?"

"Sprocket it's about dinner time."
>>
No. 701446 ID: 5ad4a7

>>701445
Tell her to point you towards the tea and you will keep the customers hydrated.

Talk to her after things die down and ask why she isn't sleeping like a normal person.
>>
No. 701452 ID: 02422f

>>701445
You know this game. The mistress made a mistake and you have to cover for it before something terrible happens.

Put her to work on something she can handle in her state, and start doing the rest yourself.
>>
No. 701471 ID: 99a64d

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER SPROCKET, THERE'S CAPITALISM TO PARTAKE IN!
>>
No. 701478 ID: 38685c

>>701445
Oh good, chances of getting shivved by a necromancer in the backroom have decreased significantly.
>>
No. 701497 ID: 5ea852

Keep doing what you're doing to keep the customers happy and send Sprocket to bed.
>>
No. 701757 ID: defceb
File 145544170294.png - (226.91KB , 918x431 , e113.png )
701757

>You know this game. The mistress made a mistake and you have to cover for it before something terrible happens.
You’re right! I’m very familiar with covering for the matrons mistakes. I gently suggest she finish her nap elsewhere (after asking about where the tea leaves are), to which she happily stumbles off to do so.

Now I just have to manage a bar full of dangerous, armed, thirsty adventurers.

Spider help me.

>Keep doing what you're doing to keep the customers happy and send Sprocket to bed.

On it! I work as fast as I can, but the tide of adventurers is pouring in faster than I can handle them. Some are even trying to pull me away to discuss ‘grand adventures’ or find ‘plot hooks’. I think I can hear someone fighting outside the front door, too.
>>
No. 701758 ID: 3663d3

explain that you are the new help, you have not been here long enough to pick up on enough rumors.
>>
No. 701766 ID: 6bd1da

>>701757
AHA! I have the perfect plan! Surely some of these Adventurers are skilled in brewing/crafting and/or social skills. WE SHALL PRESENT QUESTS TO THEM!

Here are the details of the quest: The tavern is over populated by thirsty adventurers! We need some extra hands tending the bar and making food in the kitchens, any help would be appreciated! Quest Difficulty: Level 1. Reward: 50 Copper!

And if things get too rowdy...

Secondary Objective! For an extra 20 Copper, stop any bar fights that may ensue!

Perfect plan, right guys?
>>
No. 701795 ID: f6442a

Rebuff any quest seekers with the fact that you are a simple bartender, and you serve drinks. If you can, try to warn everyone that this is a Tgchan quest, and that they're all being controlled by unseen forces. These are normal bartender things to do.
>>
No. 701797 ID: 5ea852

Start deconstructing tropes. Offer witticisms in place of plot hooks and mock the idea with the fact you're new.
>>
No. 701990 ID: 9bb56d

I dunno. Try to stay safe I guess. The worst things that could happen are you get beaten, raped, beaten while raped, or killed in a bar brawl (gee what a surprise). Or there could be a twist and you are consumed wholly by a random giant spider. Whatever could happen is anyone's guess honestly. I just can't care enough but hey best case scenario you can reincarnate into something that isn't a drow... or maybe that creepy lady might have spidey senses for you if things get too rough. eh whateva don't wory bout it how bout you give me a drink
>>
No. 701996 ID: 38685c

>>701757
Two liches got married but their minions are tearing up the countryside.
>>
No. 702077 ID: 38685c

>>701757
Also there's a barbarian king to the north and an apprentice necromancer looking for a tome written in a demonic language.
>>
No. 702079 ID: 0dff7f

Also gee there could be necromancers right here in this dwarf hold. You've got fliers and everything.
>>
No. 702100 ID: a107fd

Plot hooks? There's a wizard in town, looking for a new apprentice, and also planning to dispose of an armload of random Swords of Destiny.
>>
No. 702170 ID: f6595e

>>701766
I agree, that IS a good plan.
>>
No. 702620 ID: defceb
File 145570217403.png - (100.86KB , 423x480 , e114.png )
702620

“You’re looking for adventure?”

“Yes! I’ve come to do brave heroics and save the day!”

“There’s a couple liches that have minions roaming around.”
>>
No. 702621 ID: defceb
File 145570218678.png - (98.38KB , 423x480 , e115.png )
702621

“Oh, uhm, uh…” The color drains from their face. Perhaps the liches are too intimidating.

“I heard about a barbarian king up north?”

“The, uh, north, right. Perhaps somewhere closer?”

“Necromancer with evil zombie minions?”

They cough. “I, uh… was actually hoping for rats in the cellar, or…”

“...You could lend me a hand around the bar.”

“Is there a reward?”

I grab a fistful of change from my pocket. “50 copper?”
>>
No. 702622 ID: defceb
File 145570219806.png - (117.77KB , 423x480 , e116.png )
702622

“Yes! Watch out world, I’m going to be a hero in no time at this rate!”
>>
No. 702623 ID: 5ad4a7

>>702622
Godspeed, novice adventurer.
>>
No. 702626 ID: 6bd1da

>>702622
You are the hero this tavern deserves, young adventurer!
>>
No. 702644 ID: 3d2d5f

>>702622
Of course you will. First, quality bartending. Then, the world.

Who would have ever thought dangerous adventurers could be helpful! I guess that's why the surface world keeps them around.
>>
No. 702717 ID: defceb
File 145575379460.png - (72.99KB , 500x400 , e117.png )
702717

"Of course you will. First, quality bartending. Then, the world." I send him off to work, making my life easier.

"Bartender!" A gruff man knocks on the counter. "I've been lead to believe this inn has the strongest drink to find in town. I want some!"
>>
No. 702720 ID: defceb
File 145575380634.png - (70.79KB , 500x400 , e118.png )
702720

"Just a cider for me, please."
>>
No. 702721 ID: defceb
File 145575381876.png - (37.98KB , 500x400 , e119.png )
702721

"Meow."
>>
No. 702722 ID: defceb
File 145575383057.png - (32.12KB , 500x400 , e120.png )
702722

"I have good news and very bad news."
>>
No. 702723 ID: defceb
File 145575389150.png - (98.80KB , 500x400 , e121.png )
702723

"Last time I was in town I got this mixed drink, it had like some dark stuff poured in and I think a glowy thing as well. I'm pretty sure I got it here. A golgorthian fingerblaster? Do you know what I'm talking about? Anyway I want that."
>>
No. 702724 ID: 5ad4a7

>>702717
Look for whatever has the most XXXes on the bottle and serve it up.

>>702720
Cider. Served with a modest amount of nervousness.

>>702721
Milk in a saucer.

>>702722
Um. The necromancer is dead but so are his teammates? Or is the bad news worse than that?

>>702723
Tell them you're new here but you'll see if you can wing it.
>>
No. 702728 ID: 99a64d

>>702721
aww... It doesn't have any money, kick it out.

>>702722
bad news first, please.

>>702723
check for the list of mixed drinks and their ingredients. It might be under the counter, maybe?

>>702724
this guy has the right idea otherwise.
>>
No. 703059 ID: dbb0f9

>>702722
Serve this round of drinks before getting the bad news.
>>
No. 703164 ID: 55b54c

>>702722
you killed all the minions but now the necromancer is really angry and plans to attack the town.

>>702723
"You'll have to sign this agreement that says we're not responsible for injury, discombobulation, spontaneous combustion, forced defenestration, injury, death, temporary re-arranging of molecules, undeath, and/or the growth of new and unsavory limbs."
>>
No. 703265 ID: defceb
File 145585129580.png - (108.69KB , 630x382 , e122.png )
703265

>Look for whatever has the most XXXes on the bottle and serve it up.
I find something with a concerning amount of Xes drawn onto it and show it. They nod approvingly so I guess this is it?

>Cider. Served with a modest amount of nervousness.
I have more than a modest amount of nervousness around this person but I keep that reserved while I hand him the cider. He thanks me, pays, and disappears to some corner of the inn to drink.

>aww... It doesn't have any money, kick it out.
I... I can't bring myself to kick it out.
>Milk in a saucer.
Done.

>Tell them you're new here but you'll see if you can wing it.
They shrug. "Sure, whatever. Just make it good."

>bad news first, please.
"They escaped."

"They escaped!?"

"Ran out the back door shaking their first and cursing our family, etc etc. Probably going to find some hole out in the countryside and try some more standard necromancer villainy."

"And what's the good news?"

"We still got paid for clearing out all of the undead and selling scrap treasure. Here's some for you." The tiny wizard tosses a coinpurse onto the counter.
>>
No. 703267 ID: 5ad4a7

>>703265
Sweet, thanks tiny wizard!
Clutch that precious gold close to your chest.
>>
No. 703269 ID: defceb
File 145585176350.png - (59.44KB , 472x417 , e123.png )
703269

>Clutch that precious gold close to your chest.
Yessssssssssss
>>
No. 703270 ID: 02422f

>>703269
Yaaaaay.

Now get to mixing that fancy drink.
>>
No. 703271 ID: 38685c

>>703265
YOu'RE RICH AGAIN
>>
No. 703273 ID: 502e6f

>They escaped.
Does that mean we have a nemesis now?

Anyway, hoard gold, make drink.
>>
No. 703282 ID: 38685c

>>703269
Tell him his hat is smoking.
>>
No. 703392 ID: 5ea852

Check on your novice adventurer helper. He might've forgotten about his task as adventurers sometimes inexplicably do.
>>
No. 703401 ID: 55b54c

>>703265
pour a glass of water on the wizard's hat to put them out

then charge them for it.
>>
No. 703521 ID: 6bd1da

>>703392
I bet he ran off on another side quest, the brat.
>>
No. 703692 ID: defceb
File 145594385479.png - (78.37KB , 564x360 , e124.png )
703692

>YOu'RE RICH AGAIN
YAY!

>Tell him his hat is smoking.
"Your hat is still smoking."

"Yeah I think I'll keep it this way for now."

>Check on your novice adventurer helper. He might've forgotten about his task as adventurers sometimes inexplicably do.
>I bet he ran off on another side quest, the brat.
He's off flirting with some pretty ladies at one of the tables. They're throwing money around though so I guess I can't complain.

>Now get to mixing that fancy drink.
I check the cabinets for drink options. There's far more than I care to count.

"What did you say went into the drink again?"

"Uhhhh, they started with one of those really dark swills in one of those really tall bottles, mixed in a lighter drink, a dash of something from up north, and a glowy thingy. It tasted pretty sweet when I had it."

That's... very specific. Any wild guesses?
>>
No. 703699 ID: 38685c

>>703692
Read the tag. Start with one of the first two, add a fruit juice, a dash of the x X xx xX xXx xx X bottle, then the glowy stuff. And tell him to have a healer standing by.
>>
No. 703701 ID: 38685c

>>703699
*right two
>>
No. 703711 ID: 5ad4a7

The light stuff is probably mead, I'd say the dark stuff is some kind of chocolate liquor, the thing from up north is like, frost wine or something, and the glowy shit is likely unique.
>>
No. 703747 ID: 99a64d

I know of some mercenaries who would pay top dollar for a hat like that.

I know fuck-all about mixing drinks, just make sure it's sweet and strong and has the glowey thing in it I guess.
>>
No. 703748 ID: f0e552

>>703692
put in some sleepy chemicals
>>
No. 703901 ID: defceb
File 145600905820.png - (65.35KB , 465x398 , e125.png )
703901

>Read the tag.
It says 'vaguely caustic'.

>The light stuff is probably mead, I'd say the dark stuff is some kind of chocolate liquor, the thing from up north is like, frost wine or something, and the glowy shit is likely unique.
I throw some of all of that into a cup. There's something that's kind of glowing stuck to one of the shelves, so I drop that in too.

>put in some sleepy chemicals
O-okay. There's a box labeled 'sleeping medicine' near the bottom, I sprinkle some of that in.

>And tell him to have a healer standing by.
I motion that cleric from before to come back.

I present the drink. Moment of truth.
>>
No. 703902 ID: defceb
File 145600906661.png - (67.11KB , 465x398 , e126.png )
703902

>>
No. 703903 ID: defceb
File 145600907824.png - (57.25KB , 465x398 , e127.png )
703903

"Hmm."
>>
No. 703904 ID: 5ad4a7

>>703903
Well?
>>
No. 703905 ID: 02422f

Is that a good hmm or a bad hmm.
>>
No. 703906 ID: 38685c

If he passes out you gotta give him a room for free cuz you roofied him.
>>
No. 703907 ID: 5ea852

Check for vitals. That 'hmm' could be the sound of the soul leaving the body.
>>
No. 703953 ID: defceb
File 145602039991.png - (78.98KB , 465x398 , e128.png )
703953

>>
No. 703954 ID: defceb
File 145602041533.png - (44.79KB , 465x398 , e129.png )
703954

"I'll have whatever he's drinkin'"
>>
No. 703957 ID: 5ad4a7

>>703954
Is there even any glowy shit left?
>>
No. 703963 ID: 02422f

Did the first one pay before passing out? Make sure the next guy pays before he passes out.
>>
No. 703975 ID: f0e552

>>703954
take his wallet
>>
No. 704009 ID: 9bb56d

nice
>>
No. 704073 ID: bb6515

make sure they don't get pickpocketed while asleep it'll look like we were part of it
>>
No. 704215 ID: 9bb56d

>>703954
check if his bottle full of x's is still there, and make another batch for him with it. If not just use old recipe also money
>>
No. 704503 ID: 594c18

Don't put sleeping pills in it this time.

Also, get that guy to a back room before his everything is stolen.
>>
No. 704733 ID: defceb
File 145622224905.png - (112.39KB , 608x259 , e130.png )
704733

>make sure they don't get pickpocketed while asleep it'll look like we were part of it
>Also, get that guy to a back room before his everything is stolen.
I just sort of throw him into the first open room I could find. I'm sure he's slept in worse.

>check if his bottle full of x's is still there, and make another batch for him with it. If not just use old recipe also money
>Did the first one pay before passing out? Make sure the next guy pays before he passes out.
I mix up another, this time getting the cash upfront. The bright, and unfortunately pungent, display of pyrotechnics seems to catch people's attention and before I know it one after another wants a taste.

The night passes in a blur of one drink after another.
>>
No. 704734 ID: defceb
File 145622229788.png - (25.39KB , 365x202 , e131.png )
704734

Before I even know it everyone's gone off to sleep, or drunken themselves into sleeping at their tables. I'm completely exhausted, both physically and mentally.
>>
No. 704735 ID: 38685c

>>704734
Poke sprocket. She's had enough time to sleep
>>
No. 704736 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704734
Go bug Sprocket.
>>
No. 704737 ID: 55b54c

>>704734
tell sprocket 'am done. if someone needs me, find bedroom'

then go wash up and sleep
>>
No. 704738 ID: 5ad4a7

Oh don't forget to write down the recipe for the new drink.
>>
No. 704948 ID: defceb
File 145627945529.png - (67.69KB , 506x342 , e132.png )
704948

>Oh don't forget to write down the recipe for the new drink.
Done

>Bug Sprocket
I can hear her snoring from over here. Should I go in and wake her?
>>
No. 704964 ID: 799984

Yeah, if you're lucky she'll be like the matrons who are frisky in the morning. Sure, being a regular plaything is a quick way to the grave, but just a side fling once in a while? That can only help.
>>
No. 704967 ID: 55b54c

>>704948
wait, how'd she get to her room from snoozing on the bar? I smell shenanigans.
>>
No. 704968 ID: 5ad4a7

>>704948
Whine at her through the door.

DO NOT ENTER LAB
>>
No. 704971 ID: 02422f

>>704948
Let her be. She needs her beauty sleep. Matrons say that is important!
>>
No. 704978 ID: 5ea852

Leave her alone, but check if everything is alright with her. Remove potential hazards to her, like metal or glass objects in her vicinity.

>>704967
We sent her there...
>>
No. 705055 ID: defceb
File 145630865133.png - (130.25KB , 627x635 , e133.png )
705055

>DO NOT ENTER LAB
>Let her be.

I let her be and return to my room instead. I feel about ready to dump all the gold I got tipped and sleep on it. Anything I should do first?
>>
No. 705057 ID: 5ad4a7

Looks like the cat didn't follow you into your room.

Do your evening prayers. Also take a bath.
>>
No. 705060 ID: 5ea852

Give two coins to the spider to thank it for giving you that one coin earlier.
>>
No. 705067 ID: a107fd

Maintain and/or upgrade spider-shrine however seems appropriate. Remind that novice adventurer to clean up the broken glass and so on, like you did on your first day.
>>
No. 705068 ID: 3d2d5f

Pay tithe to spider-shrine.

Check for cat.
>>
No. 705074 ID: 2a7417

Make one last check to see the lab hasn't caught fire or anything. If she slept through the results of an experiment, either her or the lab might explode.
>>
No. 705292 ID: defceb
File 145638068693.png - (47.83KB , 615x287 , e134.png )
705292

>Take a bath.
Yessss~
>>
No. 705293 ID: 5ad4a7

>>705292
Does cat want bath too?
>>
No. 705294 ID: defceb
File 145638088888.png - (61.26KB , 521x313 , e135.png )
705294

>Remind that novice adventurer to clean up the broken glass and so on, like you did on your first day.
By the time I'm done with the bath they've already cleaned up the place. I pay them, and they bound off happy to have saved the day.

>Make one last check to see the lab hasn't caught fire or anything.
I take a tiny little peek. Nothing looks like it's on fire!

>Pay tithe to spider-shrine.
>Maintain and/or upgrade spider-shrine however seems appropriate.
>Give two coins to the spider to thank it for giving you that one coin earlier.
I drop two coins and give them a makeshift little statue. They wave their legs around, which I think means they appreciate it.
>>
No. 705295 ID: defceb
File 145638096799.png - (49.33KB , 506x267 , e136.png )
705295

With a quick prayer I'm off to bed. It's been a strange few days since I've arrived, but somehow I think things may just work out around here. Goodnight!
>>
No. 705301 ID: f6442a

>>705295
AAAAA IT'S THAT THING AGAIN GETITOFF GETITOFF
>>
No. 705310 ID: 5ad4a7

>>705294
Silly elf, the spider gives you money, you don't give IT money! You give it... uh... I don't know, things spiders like. Bugs?
>>
No. 705338 ID: 3d2d5f

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Which shouldn't be a problem with spider watching over you. Lesser bugs beware!
>>
No. 705595 ID: 9bb56d

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON-7v4qnHP8
this is what goron nicklelock (or however you pronounce his name i'm not drow) should dream of. Or have a nightmare of. Still.
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