>>700397
KEEP SLAMMING THAT BEER UNTIL EVERYONE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS AWAKE

Maybe ask if anybody has any experience as a cleric, because the barkeep is unconscious.

Apollo 2016/02/09(Tue)22:19 No. 700651 ID: defceb
File 145508515741.png - (115.38KB , 552x324 , e110.png )

>No time to change, only time to uncork that tap!
On it!

>Maybe ask if anybody has any experience as a cleric, because the barkeep is unconscious.
"Is anybody in here a cleric? We have a sleeping barkeep over here!"

Apollo 2016/02/09(Tue)22:19 No. 700652 ID: defceb
File 145508519180.png - (189.64KB , 745x469 , e111.png )

"I think she's just taking a nap. So... can I still get a drink or...?"

>>700652
I think it was implied that an Awaken spell could be used.
But yeah do your job, manager or no.

dang, well keep giving out the drinks if anyone complains about service being slow tell them they can wake up the barkeep themselves to get more hands on deck.

>>700652
you need to charge people too

GOLD MONIEZ

>>700653
Awaken is what you use if you want a plant or a dog to talk.

>>700652
Shake her gently than not so gently, followed by a slap. The inability to wake up either means magic or a coma, both are which are not nice things.

Tell the person you can't make tea until your boss is awake.

>>700661
And if she wakes up grumpy tell her about drow assassins and sleeping poison or magic or something. Bullshit if you have to, they probably know as little about drow as you do about dwarves.

>>700661
You can't make tea because she's an alchemist and hasn't told you which are the tea herbs and which are the alchemy herbs.

Apollo 2016/02/12(Fri)21:59 No. 701445 ID: defceb
File 145534315407.png - (64.19KB , 433x340 , e112.png )

>Shake her gently than not so gently, followed by a slap
I shake Sprocket until she wakes up. "Hnn, huh what?"

"Sprocket people are here it's time to work."

"No it's not I haven't even finished my nap yet."

"Sprocket what time is it."

"...noon?"

"Sprocket it's about dinner time."

>>701445
Tell her to point you towards the tea and you will keep the customers hydrated.

Talk to her after things die down and ask why she isn't sleeping like a normal person.

>>701445
You know this game. The mistress made a mistake and you have to cover for it before something terrible happens.

Put her to work on something she can handle in her state, and start doing the rest yourself.

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER SPROCKET, THERE'S CAPITALISM TO PARTAKE IN!

>>701445
Oh good, chances of getting shivved by a necromancer in the backroom have decreased significantly.

Keep doing what you're doing to keep the customers happy and send Sprocket to bed.

Apollo 2016/02/14(Sun)01:21 No. 701757 ID: defceb
File 145544170294.png - (226.91KB , 918x431 , e113.png )

>You know this game. The mistress made a mistake and you have to cover for it before something terrible happens.
You’re right! I’m very familiar with covering for the matrons mistakes. I gently suggest she finish her nap elsewhere (after asking about where the tea leaves are), to which she happily stumbles off to do so.

Now I just have to manage a bar full of dangerous, armed, thirsty adventurers.

Spider help me.

>Keep doing what you're doing to keep the customers happy and send Sprocket to bed.

On it! I work as fast as I can, but the tide of adventurers is pouring in faster than I can handle them. Some are even trying to pull me away to discuss ‘grand adventures’ or find ‘plot hooks’. I think I can hear someone fighting outside the front door, too.

explain that you are the new help, you have not been here long enough to pick up on enough rumors.

>>701757
AHA! I have the perfect plan! Surely some of these Adventurers are skilled in brewing/crafting and/or social skills. WE SHALL PRESENT QUESTS TO THEM!

Here are the details of the quest: The tavern is over populated by thirsty adventurers! We need some extra hands tending the bar and making food in the kitchens, any help would be appreciated! Quest Difficulty: Level 1. Reward: 50 Copper!

And if things get too rowdy...

Secondary Objective! For an extra 20 Copper, stop any bar fights that may ensue!

Perfect plan, right guys?

Rebuff any quest seekers with the fact that you are a simple bartender, and you serve drinks. If you can, try to warn everyone that this is a Tgchan quest, and that they're all being controlled by unseen forces. These are normal bartender things to do.

Start deconstructing tropes. Offer witticisms in place of plot hooks and mock the idea with the fact you're new.

I dunno. Try to stay safe I guess. The worst things that could happen are you get beaten, raped, beaten while raped, or killed in a bar brawl (gee what a surprise). Or there could be a twist and you are consumed wholly by a random giant spider. Whatever could happen is anyone's guess honestly. I just can't care enough but hey best case scenario you can reincarnate into something that isn't a drow... or maybe that creepy lady might have spidey senses for you if things get too rough. eh whateva don't wory bout it how bout you give me a drink

>>701757
Two liches got married but their minions are tearing up the countryside.

>>701757
Also there's a barbarian king to the north and an apprentice necromancer looking for a tome written in a demonic language.

Also gee there could be necromancers right here in this dwarf hold. You've got fliers and everything.

Plot hooks? There's a wizard in town, looking for a new apprentice, and also planning to dispose of an armload of random Swords of Destiny.

>>701766
I agree, that IS a good plan.

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)01:42 No. 702620 ID: defceb
File 145570217403.png - (100.86KB , 423x480 , e114.png )

“You’re looking for adventure?”

“Yes! I’ve come to do brave heroics and save the day!”

“There’s a couple liches that have minions roaming around.”

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)01:43 No. 702621 ID: defceb
File 145570218678.png - (98.38KB , 423x480 , e115.png )

“Oh, uhm, uh…” The color drains from their face. Perhaps the liches are too intimidating.

“I heard about a barbarian king up north?”

“The, uh, north, right. Perhaps somewhere closer?”

“Necromancer with evil zombie minions?”

They cough. “I, uh… was actually hoping for rats in the cellar, or…”

“...You could lend me a hand around the bar.”

“Is there a reward?”

I grab a fistful of change from my pocket. “50 copper?”

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)01:43 No. 702622 ID: defceb
File 145570219806.png - (117.77KB , 423x480 , e116.png )

“Yes! Watch out world, I’m going to be a hero in no time at this rate!”

>>702622
Godspeed, novice adventurer.

>>702622
You are the hero this tavern deserves, young adventurer!

>>702622
Of course you will. First, quality bartending. Then, the world.

Who would have ever thought dangerous adventurers could be helpful! I guess that's why the surface world keeps them around.

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)16:03 No. 702717 ID: defceb
File 145575379460.png - (72.99KB , 500x400 , e117.png )

"Of course you will. First, quality bartending. Then, the world." I send him off to work, making my life easier.

"Bartender!" A gruff man knocks on the counter. "I've been lead to believe this inn has the strongest drink to find in town. I want some!"

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)16:03 No. 702720 ID: defceb
File 145575380634.png - (70.79KB , 500x400 , e118.png )

"Just a cider for me, please."

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)16:03 No. 702721 ID: defceb
File 145575381876.png - (37.98KB , 500x400 , e119.png )

"Meow."

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)16:03 No. 702722 ID: defceb
File 145575383057.png - (32.12KB , 500x400 , e120.png )

"I have good news and very bad news."

Apollo 2016/02/17(Wed)16:04 No. 702723 ID: defceb
File 145575389150.png - (98.80KB , 500x400 , e121.png )

"Last time I was in town I got this mixed drink, it had like some dark stuff poured in and I think a glowy thing as well. I'm pretty sure I got it here. A golgorthian fingerblaster? Do you know what I'm talking about? Anyway I want that."

>>702717
Look for whatever has the most XXXes on the bottle and serve it up.

>>702720
Cider. Served with a modest amount of nervousness.

>>702721
Milk in a saucer.

>>702722
Um. The necromancer is dead but so are his teammates? Or is the bad news worse than that?

>>702723
Tell them you're new here but you'll see if you can wing it.

>>702721
aww... It doesn't have any money, kick it out.

>>702722
bad news first, please.

>>702723
check for the list of mixed drinks and their ingredients. It might be under the counter, maybe?

>>702724
this guy has the right idea otherwise.

>>702722
Serve this round of drinks before getting the bad news.

>>702722
you killed all the minions but now the necromancer is really angry and plans to attack the town.

>>702723
"You'll have to sign this agreement that says we're not responsible for injury, discombobulation, spontaneous combustion, forced defenestration, injury, death, temporary re-arranging of molecules, undeath, and/or the growth of new and unsavory limbs."

Gnuk-Pudd-Pollo 2016/02/18(Thu)19:08 No. 703265 ID: defceb
File 145585129580.png - (108.69KB , 630x382 , e122.png )

>Look for whatever has the most XXXes on the bottle and serve it up.
I find something with a concerning amount of Xes drawn onto it and show it. They nod approvingly so I guess this is it?

>Cider. Served with a modest amount of nervousness.
I have more than a modest amount of nervousness around this person but I keep that reserved while I hand him the cider. He thanks me, pays, and disappears to some corner of the inn to drink.

>aww... It doesn't have any money, kick it out.
I... I can't bring myself to kick it out.
>Milk in a saucer.
Done.

>Tell them you're new here but you'll see if you can wing it.
They shrug. "Sure, whatever. Just make it good."

>bad news first, please.
"They escaped."

"They escaped!?"

"Ran out the back door shaking their first and cursing our family, etc etc. Probably going to find some hole out in the countryside and try some more standard necromancer villainy."

"And what's the good news?"

"We still got paid for clearing out all of the undead and selling scrap treasure. Here's some for you." The tiny wizard tosses a coinpurse onto the counter.

>>703265
Sweet, thanks tiny wizard!
Clutch that precious gold close to your chest.

Gnuk-Pudd-Pollo 2016/02/18(Thu)19:16 No. 703269 ID: defceb
File 145585176350.png - (59.44KB , 472x417 , e123.png )

>Clutch that precious gold close to your chest.
Yessssssssssss

>>703269
Yaaaaay.

Now get to mixing that fancy drink.

>>703265
YOu'RE RICH AGAIN

>They escaped.
Does that mean we have a nemesis now?

Anyway, hoard gold, make drink.

>>703269
Tell him his hat is smoking.

Check on your novice adventurer helper. He might've forgotten about his task as adventurers sometimes inexplicably do.

>>703265
pour a glass of water on the wizard's hat to put them out

then charge them for it.

>>703392
I bet he ran off on another side quest, the brat.

Apollo 2016/02/19(Fri)20:50 No. 703692 ID: defceb
File 145594385479.png - (78.37KB , 564x360 , e124.png )

>YOu'RE RICH AGAIN
YAY!

>Tell him his hat is smoking.
"Your hat is still smoking."

"Yeah I think I'll keep it this way for now."

>Check on your novice adventurer helper. He might've forgotten about his task as adventurers sometimes inexplicably do.
>I bet he ran off on another side quest, the brat.
He's off flirting with some pretty ladies at one of the tables. They're throwing money around though so I guess I can't complain.

>Now get to mixing that fancy drink.
I check the cabinets for drink options. There's far more than I care to count.

"What did you say went into the drink again?"

"Uhhhh, they started with one of those really dark swills in one of those really tall bottles, mixed in a lighter drink, a dash of something from up north, and a glowy thingy. It tasted pretty sweet when I had it."

That's... very specific. Any wild guesses?

>>703692
Read the tag. Start with one of the first two, add a fruit juice, a dash of the x X xx xX xXx xx X bottle, then the glowy stuff. And tell him to have a healer standing by.

>>703699
*right two

The light stuff is probably mead, I'd say the dark stuff is some kind of chocolate liquor, the thing from up north is like, frost wine or something, and the glowy shit is likely unique.

I know of some mercenaries who would pay top dollar for a hat like that.

I know fuck-all about mixing drinks, just make sure it's sweet and strong and has the glowey thing in it I guess.

>>703692
put in some sleepy chemicals

Apollo 2016/02/20(Sat)14:57 No. 703901 ID: defceb
File 145600905820.png - (65.35KB , 465x398 , e125.png )

>Read the tag.
It says 'vaguely caustic'.

>The light stuff is probably mead, I'd say the dark stuff is some kind of chocolate liquor, the thing from up north is like, frost wine or something, and the glowy shit is likely unique.
I throw some of all of that into a cup. There's something that's kind of glowing stuck to one of the shelves, so I drop that in too.

>put in some sleepy chemicals
O-okay. There's a box labeled 'sleeping medicine' near the bottom, I sprinkle some of that in.

>And tell him to have a healer standing by.
I motion that cleric from before to come back.

I present the drink. Moment of truth.

Apollo 2016/02/20(Sat)14:57 No. 703903 ID: defceb
File 145600907824.png - (57.25KB , 465x398 , e127.png )

"Hmm."

>>703903
Well?

Is that a good hmm or a bad hmm.

If he passes out you gotta give him a room for free cuz you roofied him.

Check for vitals. That 'hmm' could be the sound of the soul leaving the body.

Apollo 2016/02/20(Sat)18:06 No. 703954 ID: defceb
File 145602041533.png - (44.79KB , 465x398 , e129.png )

"I'll have whatever he's drinkin'"

>>703954
Is there even any glowy shit left?

Did the first one pay before passing out? Make sure the next guy pays before he passes out.

>>703954
take his wallet

nice

make sure they don't get pickpocketed while asleep it'll look like we were part of it

>>703954
check if his bottle full of x's is still there, and make another batch for him with it. If not just use old recipe also money

Don't put sleeping pills in it this time.

Also, get that guy to a back room before his everything is stolen.

Apollo 2016/02/23(Tue)02:10 No. 704733 ID: defceb
File 145622224905.png - (112.39KB , 608x259 , e130.png )

>make sure they don't get pickpocketed while asleep it'll look like we were part of it
>Also, get that guy to a back room before his everything is stolen.
I just sort of throw him into the first open room I could find. I'm sure he's slept in worse.

>check if his bottle full of x's is still there, and make another batch for him with it. If not just use old recipe also money
>Did the first one pay before passing out? Make sure the next guy pays before he passes out.
I mix up another, this time getting the cash upfront. The bright, and unfortunately pungent, display of pyrotechnics seems to catch people's attention and before I know it one after another wants a taste.

The night passes in a blur of one drink after another.

Apollo 2016/02/23(Tue)02:11 No. 704734 ID: defceb
File 145622229788.png - (25.39KB , 365x202 , e131.png )

Before I even know it everyone's gone off to sleep, or drunken themselves into sleeping at their tables. I'm completely exhausted, both physically and mentally.

>>704734
Poke sprocket. She's had enough time to sleep

>>704734
Go bug Sprocket.

>>704734
tell sprocket 'am done. if someone needs me, find bedroom'

then go wash up and sleep

Oh don't forget to write down the recipe for the new drink.

Apollo 2016/02/23(Tue)18:04 No. 704948 ID: defceb
File 145627945529.png - (67.69KB , 506x342 , e132.png )

>Oh don't forget to write down the recipe for the new drink.
Done

>Bug Sprocket
I can hear her snoring from over here. Should I go in and wake her?

Yeah, if you're lucky she'll be like the matrons who are frisky in the morning. Sure, being a regular plaything is a quick way to the grave, but just a side fling once in a while? That can only help.

>>704948
wait, how'd she get to her room from snoozing on the bar? I smell shenanigans.

>>704948
Whine at her through the door.

DO NOT ENTER LAB

>>704948
Let her be. She needs her beauty sleep. Matrons say that is important!

Leave her alone, but check if everything is alright with her. Remove potential hazards to her, like metal or glass objects in her vicinity.

>>704967
We sent her there...

Apollo 2016/02/24(Wed)02:10 No. 705055 ID: defceb
File 145630865133.png - (130.25KB , 627x635 , e133.png )

>DO NOT ENTER LAB
>Let her be.

I let her be and return to my room instead. I feel about ready to dump all the gold I got tipped and sleep on it. Anything I should do first?

Looks like the cat didn't follow you into your room.

Do your evening prayers. Also take a bath.

Give two coins to the spider to thank it for giving you that one coin earlier.

Maintain and/or upgrade spider-shrine however seems appropriate. Remind that novice adventurer to clean up the broken glass and so on, like you did on your first day.

Pay tithe to spider-shrine.

Check for cat.

Make one last check to see the lab hasn't caught fire or anything. If she slept through the results of an experiment, either her or the lab might explode.

Apollo 2016/02/24(Wed)22:11 No. 705292 ID: defceb
File 145638068693.png - (47.83KB , 615x287 , e134.png )

>Take a bath.
Yessss~

>>705292
Does cat want bath too?

Apollo 2016/02/24(Wed)22:14 No. 705294 ID: defceb
File 145638088888.png - (61.26KB , 521x313 , e135.png )

>Remind that novice adventurer to clean up the broken glass and so on, like you did on your first day.
By the time I'm done with the bath they've already cleaned up the place. I pay them, and they bound off happy to have saved the day.

>Make one last check to see the lab hasn't caught fire or anything.
I take a tiny little peek. Nothing looks like it's on fire!

>Pay tithe to spider-shrine.
>Maintain and/or upgrade spider-shrine however seems appropriate.
>Give two coins to the spider to thank it for giving you that one coin earlier.
I drop two coins and give them a makeshift little statue. They wave their legs around, which I think means they appreciate it.

Apollo 2016/02/24(Wed)22:16 No. 705295 ID: defceb
File 145638096799.png - (49.33KB , 506x267 , e136.png )

With a quick prayer I'm off to bed. It's been a strange few days since I've arrived, but somehow I think things may just work out around here. Goodnight!

>>705295
AAAAA IT'S THAT THING AGAIN GETITOFF GETITOFF

>>705294
Silly elf, the spider gives you money, you don't give IT money! You give it... uh... I don't know, things spiders like. Bugs?

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Which shouldn't be a problem with spider watching over you. Lesser bugs beware!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON-7v4qnHP8
this is what goron nicklelock (or however you pronounce his name i'm not drow) should dream of. Or have a nightmare of. Still.