Hal 2013/01/11(Fri)19:11 No. 484574 ID: 0eef61
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Talia returns from shepherding the civilians away. Her eyes widen at the aftermath of the blast and I can hear the hiss of dust particles hitting them and sizzling. "We felt the tremors from that three blocks away." She whistles appreciatively. "Damn, Hal. You get results."

"I'm just a bundle of surprising competence today, aren't I?"

"It's not that," says Anka as she, Talia, and I start picking through the rubble looking for survivors. "We just weren't expecting you to be so... pragmatic."

"You blow shit up real good for a shirm," Talia agrees.

"I'm a secret agent, not an architect," I say, checking what turns out to be a finger. "The ends don't always justify the means, but whatever. It was just a building, yeah?"
"Or three," says Anka.
"And a shitload of spooked Dreimians," says Talia. "One or two of them may have peed."

"Well I'm assuming the Alliance will help the Dreimians out," I say. "With the rebuilding. Not the pee."

"Oh, certainly," says Anka. She pauses and mercy kills a pirate with a chunk of rebar through his chest. "Of course we officially were never even on this planet, but I imagine you can convince the captain or something to truss this up as some sort of Humanitarian aid thing. There are funds for rare circumstances like this."
"If giant explosions like that are rare the Unflagging is a five star steakhouse," says Talia, "I can count on one hand the missions the Captain goes on that don't end in a demolition and I only have, like, 3 fingers."
"I guess that's what we have Hal for," says Anka, giving me a playful punch on the shoulder that nearly knocks me into an I-beam. "You're basically Cap's maid."
"I don't know if your maid ever popped a bullet into your kneecap but that would possibly explain some things." Talia says. "Go tell Drakine we're not looking at any survivors. Hal and I can take it from here."
"You two need some invertebrate alone time?"
"Piss off, Canned Heat."
"Alright," Anka croons, slinging her MG over her shoulder. "You lovebirds find me when you're done here. We gotta get to the courthouse before the council works themselves into a frenzy.

Hal 2013/01/11(Fri)19:12 No. 484575 ID: 0eef61
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Talia and I creep through the wreckage, alone now. It's eerily quiet at ground zero. The lack of detritus everywhere almost makes it seem like this has been a ruin for months, not minutes.

"We've blasted a lot of buildings to bits," Talia says, "but never with the express permission of the people who owned them."

"I guess the Dreimians have their priorities straight," I say, wincing as I come down on my wounded leg.
"They're surprisingly tough little guys," says Talia. "But I'm beginning to think you can talk anyone into anything. That Diamanda chick's a lawyer or something and she's mad impressed with you. I mean, everyone's impressed."
"Are you?"
"Of course. Maybe a little in spite of myself."

We walk in silence for a bit.

I'm looking over what may be a ribcage when she asks in a way so aggressively casual it almost knocks me over like a Pribicevic love tap, "So you going to, uh, sample some ethnic flavors while you're down here? Because if by some miracle you don't manage to bag that Diamanda chick or something, my bed's still open. Y'know. If you're in the neighborhood."

>>484575
Uh, shit. It's rather hard to answer this question without implying she's second-best or that you want to screw a lot of women.

Ummmmmmm... okay. I think I got it. Tell her that you're glad she feels that way because you would be totally open for a repeat performance, and so far your use of charm has been mission-related. Something might happen if Diamanda's interested, though. You're not sure if she likes you that way or just in a sort of fangirl way.

Besides, are you even going to be down here with enough free time on your hands to do any romance?

>>484586
> It's rather hard to answer this question without implying she's second-best or that you want to screw a lot of women.

That would be more of a problem if she hadn't specifically said it was OK. As it stands, you want to say something diplomatic here, but you don't have to imply you're not interested in anyone else. Of course, you don't have to explicitly say you *are* interested, either; hence, diplomacy and charm.

"After blowing up a building in the middle of a population center, I think I'll be engaging in some diplomacy with Diamanda alright, but the whole council will be involved too, and I really don't swing that way. As for your offer, I'm *always* in the neighborhood for you."

if she asks i'm not gonna say no.

>>484575
Sex is more fun when you know the other person, and the same extensive experience that gives rise to your skill with words means you don't feel the pressing need to sample every piece of alien ass that presents itself, not when you have such attractive options at hand already.

You should observe that you can't really talk anyone into anything at all--it's just that you generally find yourself in a position to talk people into doing the right thing, and that's nothing more than a matter of clear communication.

Everyone digs a modest badass.

>>484627
You didn't talk those pirates into surrendering, after all; they had little to lose and potentially much to gain by putting up a fight.

Lay on that Charm and promise that you won't stand to leaving anyone unsatisfied, least of all her. She'll have you all to herself soon enough.

Choose your Councillor Hal 2013/01/12(Sat)00:14 No. 484722 ID: 0eef61
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"Most all of the [charm] I've been laying on her is in service of the mission, remember," I say, attempting an amorous affection. "You shoot/stab people and look good doing it, and I talk. The same extensive experience that gives rise to my skill with words doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to sample every piece of alien poon that shakes off the tree."

"That's how you got me into bed, though, isn't it?" says Talia. "So you could get past that security checkpoint."

"Well. You take what you get, especially when it's a sexy electric amazon with her own mood lighting." Her eyes flare. Bingo, Hal. "Maaaybe something will happen with some bug down the line but I'll be honest: I'm not so great with speeches and [diplomacy] as everyone says I am. I just frequently happen to be in the fortunate position of having to talk someone into the right thing, and then it's just a question of clarity."

"And bumping uglies with you is the right thing."

"You tell me." I wink one of my eyespots. "Maybe something will happen with some Dreimian or another while we're down here. The moment we're off this dustbowl I'm all yours."

"Kiss me," she says, and I do. I go for a peck but she pulls me into it. Her volcano eyes warm my carapace. It's like licking a sparkplug.
But in a good way.

She pushes me back from her. "Now go talk your way out of this mess you made, firebug."

Diamanda tells me that if I want another audience with the council at this point in time I have to convince one of the council members to petition my cause to the others. "We planned to meet you folks last time. This is going to have to be an emergency meeting and the only one who can call an emergency meeting of the council is a councillor. You need to get one of them to agree to that.

"You could appeal to Derbule, junior councillor. He's kind of cute. I don't know him that well, but the younger ones can be most amenable to others' points of view. Sometimes.

"Delanida is the motherly type, opposed to violence. Now: that may not seem like a way in but if you emphasize how the pirates won't be dead for long and no Dreimians were hurt you may have an in. Also I took care of her kids in high school so she knows me.

"Derdilus is a practical guy, the closest to someone like Drakine on the council. He's a strong possibility, but he might grill you for not just going in yourself and leaving the building standing.

"Dersichore is a traditionalist. He is going to be the hardest to convince. But if you convince him early the meeting itself should be a breeze, right? Orrr he might agree to it just so he can try to have you executed.

"Any way you slice it, I'm here to help. I've never shot a gun in my life but bureaucracy is just as likely to blow up in your face, right? And this shit I got."

Delanida.

I _think_ we can take the traditionalist with an argument that goes something like "the pirates were the ones who abused your tradition, and we rectified the problem with minimal impact on your society, if they'd managed to take hostages it'd have been much worse, socially speaking, and in any case, *as opposed to the pirates*, we're not here to stay, we're just here to get this (emphasis) off-world problem out of your hair" but I don't want to bet on that

>>484722
Hey look buddy, you're a suave Sherm Agent and that means you solve problems. Not problems like "How to take care of kids?" 'cause that would fall under motherly type ladies like Delandia. For instance, how am I gonna get the council on my side. The answer: Talk to Derdilus. And if that don't work, sway him with cunning well-constructed arguments like "No civilian casualties" and "They had heavy hardware in the building." So those pirates best hope your silver tongue ain't pointed at the council

As much as I want to say Delanida because LADIES ALL THE LADIES, I'm pretty sure Derdilus is the way to go. Especially if we can convince him that you aren't super soldiers, but three wounded soldiers who are just good at their jobs, and there was a significant chance that you might have lost the engagement, leading to the pirates going on a looting spree before making a run for it.

>>484833
Yeah I gotta agree with this. We can touch on the same points we talked about with the guard captain.

Hal 2013/01/13(Sun)00:13 No. 484929 ID: 0eef61
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"I know what you're here to do, Halaris, and my answer is no," says Derdilus. "Send someone with more authority. Send your boss. If you choose not to clue us in on any of your plans why should we hear you out after the fact?"
"It was never my intention to keep you in the dark," I say, "but the plan was spur-of-the-moment and out of desperation. We weren't some group of supersoldiers, we were three wounded aliens against an army of pirates, at least a dozen. The firefight in the streets nearly polished us off; This was the best way."
"I know that," Derdilus has been storming through the council hall trying to get rid of us for five minutes. "The council knows it, most of them. Even Dersichore knows it somewhere in his ten-inch-thick carapace. In my eyes that is not the issue. The issue is that we chose to trust you and allow you to shatter our traditions of sanctuary for all visitors, and in return you treated us like children to be kept in the dark, betrayed our trust, and bombed our city. Why didn't you come to us about this? Does the Alliance think us savages who can't make the right decision for ourselves I would have supported you, damn you."

"Sir, the pirates were aware of Hal's intervention," Diamanda protests, a little out of breath from following the councillor's fretful pacing. "We had to move fast."

"We, Scribe Diamanda?" Derdilus wheels on her. "You are not a factor in this conversation. You are not a soldier. You are a citizen of Tribe Volanthis, not of the Alliance, you are a young and inexperienced scribe, and you are overstepping your boundaries. It would behoove your career to remain silent in matters galactic."

"And it would behoove you to stop fucking running around like you've got the shits and listen to the hero who just saved your rotten old molting ass." snaps Diamanda. It's the first time I've heard her angry.

It may be the first time Derdilus hears her angry too, because it's enough to get him to freeze in his tracks.

"Choose your next words with extreme caution, Agent Halaris," he says woodenly, looking straight ahead. "I am listening."

>>484929
Try diplomacy. The whole "they had antimatter bombs and you don't come back to life" angle might work.

>>484933
Also: Every second mattered. If the scout missed his check-in time...

>>484929
You could throw the ol' "better to ask forgiveness than permission" line in there, alongside the point that you really didn't have time to convince an entire room of people. Even adults take time to use [diplomacy]. Especially adults, even. The fastest, safest way was to go straight for an official who had the power to get things done on his own.

You wanted to show them respect, and did so as much as you could without jeopardizing their safety, and their safety was your priority. Besides, you aren't THAT confident in your speech skills, to sway an entire room like that. At least now if you fuck it up, nobody will die.

>better to ask forgiveness than permission

no.

...and that's all I got, really.

>>484929
"I regret that there wasn't time to inform you, but this works out well for you. Your hands are clean; nobody can hold you accountable for any of this.

For now I would suggest publicly denouncing the Alliance's strike, expelling its representatives, and demanding both compensation for the damage caused and the immediate release of the prisoners.
Obviously the prisoners won't be released, but the demand should sate those who cling tighter to tradition.
Your traditions do not extend to protecting people who intend to willfully cause you harm, correct? The alliance will appeal your condemnation on those grounds.
Past experience suggests pirates are currently proclaiming as much even if nobody is there to listen. Rather loudly, at that.
We record their confession and provide it to you, then you absolve the Alliance of wrongdoing and we move on from there."

Let's not forget that they threatened to kill the entire town when we asked them to surrender...

You did it this way not because you were not confident they would not make the right call, but because there was just no time. Given just the ten seconds of warning they got, they were preparing to launch an all out assault to destroy the town and everyone in it. If they had even a few minutes of suspicion that something was coming, there would have been hostages and in all likelihood, casualties, and you were simply NOT prepared to take that risk. You were told that the Domestic Defender had the authority to take emergency action, and so you did the best you could to work within their system and still ensure that everyone got out of this alive. You are sorry that it was not handled strictly according to proper protocol, but given the chance you would not have done anything differently.

Say nothing about "better to ask forgiveness" and nothing about telling them to denounce the attack. You must not give them any indication that this was anything but the best possible course of action, because it was.

>>484997
This, plus the fact that you are sure that the Alliance will help with the rebuilding efforts, no Dreimian life was lost so the plan was successful on it's most important objective, and if you really need the added boost, offer that you'll suffer through any punishment they deem just that does not impede with your duties to the Alliance.

We didn't do this out of concern for our own lives; killing us is an inconvenience that just interrupts whatever we're in the middle of, like this mission. We did this because it took out the pirates with zero loss of *your* lives, because when you die you you stay dead. And we succeeded completely in that goal; no Dreimians died today.

And we even offered the pirates the opportunity to surrender before we acted, despite the impermanence of their deaths. *Nobody* died today.

You can rebuild buildings, and all the easier with financial support from the Alliance.

Even taking all that into account, we did not simply choose to act unilaterally; doing so would not respect your own autonomy. However, we could not take a plan like this to the council in advance; too many ears could listen in and report back, as evidenced by the pirate we chased down directly *from* the council chambers. So, we took this plan to Commander Drakine, who could provide it with due consideration and ultimately approval without compromising the plan and potentially allowing the pirates to take hostages.

Even with that approval, we take full responsibility for the actions we've taken today. Please let us know how we can best start providing you with aid in rebuilding that area. How can we help?

In any case, now that we have averted the immediate threat, we can happily involve the council in our plans to deal with the slightly longer-term problem, namely the respawned pirates.

Hal 2013/01/13(Sun)23:18 No. 485107 ID: 975f80
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"We didn't do this out of any concern for our safeties, Councillor," I say, mustering up every [diplomatic] bone in my body. "If you were to take out a pistol and shoot me dead on the spot it would be an inconvenience I would recover from within the hour. The concern was not my death or the death of my soldiers; it was that in the event of a failed attack on that fortress the men inside with antimatter rifles, reflective body armor, and virtual immortality would start killing Dreimians. No civilian died today. No pirate died today, at least not permanently. That plasma barrage defused the biggest threat to your tribe's survival since the Dreimians made it to the top of the food chain at the cost of a single building."

"Why did you not tell us this before the explosion?"

"With respect, sir, the last time I was in this building detailing plans there was a pirate runner inside the council chamber. In the aftermath of his capture we had a very limited time before the rest of his people understood something was wrong. When they were eventually clued in, ten seconds before the attack, they immediately threatened to start revenge killings. I am given to understand the task of the Domestic Defender is to handle pressing matters the council itself doesn't have time for. This operation was in his jursdiction and extremely time-sensitive. If the pirates had more time to realize what was happening or any sort of advance notice they would have taken hostages at best and lives at worst. If I have done anything wrong I am prepared to receive any punishment that doesn't interfere with my service to the Alliance but I am absolutely convinced I made the right call today. Given the choice again I would tear down that building with my own three claws."

Derdilus looks me up and down for a breathless minute. "Stay here, Halaris. I'll return momentarily." He turns and stalks into the council chambers.

Five minutes later he's returned with Derbule, the youngest councillor. "The council has agreed to convene and hear your case," he tells me, stiffly. "Councillor Derbule and myself believe it has merit."

"What you did today was incredible, Halaris," says Derbule. "We should be carving your name into a monument, not putting you on trial. I am of the opinion" (Derdilus is rolling his eyes) "that the best and safest way forward for Tribe Volathis is increased partnership and involvement with the Alliance, and this event proves that point. Those pirates were a pressure cooker, a disaster waiting to happen. We owe you much for defusing it."

"That being said," Derdilus interjects, "we will be convening the council and only the council, Halaris. I will keep in mind the persuasive argument you have given me, but at the insistence of my fellow councillors this will be a closed meeting."

I may not want to stir up any more disrespectful drama than I already have, but I don't know what to think about not being in the room during that meeting.

>>485107
You've done what you could, not much you can do about it but wait. This will now be diplomacy by proxy based on the case you made to Derdilus.

1. First resort was negotiation. Their reply, as can be confirmed by both scribe and constable who were there and heard it was to threaten to, and I quote "move into the city and kill every Dreimian we find", this is the reason we actually executed that last resort.
2. Cleared with constable as per local law and tradition, would have ALSO cleared it with the council as well but lacked the time and there could be another runner.
3. Stuck to our promise to both council and constable to first negotiate, only had to resort to this due to the nature of the pirate's response.
4. Not a single person was killed. Both us and them have respawners, locals do not. Buildings can be rebuilt, lives cannot. This was flashy, scary, loud and looked amazing. But if you look at it more carefully it is extremely accurate, necessary, and completely without casualties. The damage was entirely to buildings.
5. Didn't actually have opportunity or time to even properly finish our original audience with the council because we had to run out of council building to chase a runner for the pirates.
6. Those pirates were so ruthless that they threatened to slaughter the town giving them shelter, holding every person in the town hostage. That is when they still believed the people of the town are actively giving them shelter because we DID stop the runner, alive! Any further discussion would risk them finding out that their guest-hood has been revoked and based on their threats and their criminal history would have resulted in retaliation against innocent civilians.
7. A fort with auto-guns, respawners, heavy weaponry, and 50 soldiers vs 3 injured people.
8. They were using anti-matter weapons, those things go through wall after wall killing the people behind them. Even if 3 injured us could take out the entire fort innocents could get killed by stray antimatter shots.

Indeed, it's out of your claws now. Trying to go against the will of the council now would most definitely lose points with them.
You've got two votes out of four on your side now, so relax.
Those two can probably convince Delanida no problem.

>>485116
Aww, took too long to type.

Anyways, can still bring up the above but preface with "understandable, I also submit a report on the matter, here were the list of my reasonings" (maybe give it in writings as "evidence" for them to discuss)

The key here (and that isn't something to outright say but to make understandable via using terms like people rather then <insert race> or the like. Is that it wasn't a "oh they are primitives we can go over their heads", but criminals threatening violence against innocent people and immediate and flashy action needed to disarm them, and was coordinated with local law enforcement, and both local and foreign law enforcement agree that peaceful arrest first should be negotiated first.

You know what? I think the best thing right now would be to drop it, leave it in the hands of Derdilus, and tell them that you'll abide by whatever decision they make. We shouldn't push our luck any more than we already are, as any more arguments would only serve to reinforce the image that we keep pushing people around to get way.

cool beans. thank him for having his priorities straight and leave. contact the ship and ask how the bush camp raid is going.

>>485119
Basically agree with the report part of this. Though to stay with 'tradition', its probably best to ask if you may have a moment with scribe Diamanda to turn your formal statement into a poem.

Hal 2013/01/15(Tue)01:10 No. 485411 ID: 975f80
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"I understand," I say. "Could I have a moment with scribe Diamanda to fashion my argument into a poem?"

"If you wish to pass the time while we debate," says Derdilus. "But this is an emergency meeting, one of the council's first in four years. I don't think anyone is going to waste their time finding a rhyme for 'irrefutable'."

"Indisputible," Diamanda replies as if on cue. Derdilus gives her a look. "Sorry, sir. And for the outburst."

"Your youthful enthusiasm is to be commended, scribe" Derdilus puts the kind of spin on that 'commended' a delter puts on his frag grenade. "Just this once, therefore, I'm prepared to dismiss that little incident as merely a growing pain."

"The council will come around, I know it," says Derbule. "Delanida and Dersichore just need time to, er, simmer. Thank you for entrusting your cause to me, honored guest. I won't let the Alliance down."
"Okay, Derbule," Derdilus brushes past him into the council chambers. "Let's go before Agent Halaris has to wipe the drool off his cloak hem. This may take a while, Agent. If you choose to leave the hall we will dispatch someone to find you. I'd tell you to stay in the city until then but you will clearly do as you wish regardless."
Derbule spares them one more bow before he closes the door with a definitive click.

Hal 2013/01/15(Tue)01:10 No. 485412 ID: 975f80
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"Oof," I say. Oof, I think. Derdilus has a stare that could fell a watuskin at five hundred feet and the bedside manner to polish it off in three minutes.
"I have an okay feeling about this," says Diamanda, brightly dispelling my cloud of cimmerian concern. She seems a good deal more optimistic about the whole thing. "You respecting the council's wishes and staying out here shows that you trust our judgement enough to believe we'll come to the right decision on our own, eventually. I'm sure they'll appreciate it. I mean, I certainly do."
"Derbule seems... eager to help."
"Looks like," says Diamanda. "He's an interesting twist. Maybe I should get to know him better; this is basically the first strong opinion I've heard him say."
"He seemed kind of cute for a governor," I rib her.
"What do you know from cute about the Dreimians?" says Diamanda.
"I don't know. Cool hat."
"I rock it better."
"Nice, uh, mandibles."
"Maybe we go in for weird tumors or something."
"Do you?"
"Well, no," she says. "It's scent, mostly. But I'll think about him later. Let's just say I've got other prospects lined up first."

It looks like I've got some time to kill while I wait for the dust to clear from the Council's little territorial tiff. I could go relocate my merry band of canned killers, I suppose, and return to that charming little tavern the Something or Other Cheesewheel, or perhaps spend some quality time trying to get into the puffy pants of the young scribe here.

Puffy pants vote here.

>>485412
Do you even have a sense of smell? Tell her about what Shirms like. Then ask her if those prospects of hers might possibly include any dashing secret agent Shirms. Maybe throw just a pinch of [charm] in there, to keep yourself from putting your foot in your mouth. Hey, you could even use it as a lead-in to asking her out. Like, you could suggest talking about your respective cultures over dinner.

How's that leg doing, by the way? Need any medical attention on it?

Also it occurs to me that, while you do know that you're sexually compatable with all the races in the Alliance, can you say that about Dreimians?

go to a medic before you get gangrene or something.

Spend time being chatty with the ms puffy pants, but the timing seems awkward to fully plot a course into them. Just ask her about what she'd like to spend time doing with you for now. There has to be something to do around here while the dust settles.

Taking care of your wounds first seems important as well, if you haven't taken care of it yet.

Hal 2013/01/16(Wed)01:56 No. 485690 ID: 3f989a
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I decide to go get my leg patched up. Diamanda, ever the charming hostess, tells me she can call in a favor to get it looked at right away by Drapus, one of the better horse doctors in town.

He admits he doesn't know much about no blue-blood alien bugs, but this looks like a simple carapace puncture, easily fixed. "You'd be one of those aliens what blew up the Leatherworks, then?" he says as he washes up.
"I mean, I didn't press the button or anything," I say. "But yes."
"Fella broke his arm because of that," says Drapus conversationally. "He was up on a ladder tending to his laundry, got spooked right off. Still, I suppose better setting a bone than tagging a bunch of shooting victims' toes."

"That looks painful," Diamanda grimaces.
"I'll get over it." I flex my leg. "Fun fact: shirm basically don't have much feeling the knee and below. Guys used to bash each other over the heads with our forelegs over potential mates with them. Or something. Shirm ladies go in for a dude with big kneecaps."
"Are yours big for a shirm?"
"It's never the size that counts, Scribe Diamanda."
"So they're itty bitty."
"I never said that. What do Dreimian girls go for?"
"Scent," she says automatically. "Y'know how we all look pretty similar?"
"Yeah."
"Well, you're not just racist. We tell each other apart from scent too. And, uh. Nevermind."
"What?"
"It's weird."
"I'm an armored squid from space; I know weird."
She covers her mouth with a sleeve. "Your blood smells really good."
"Does it, now? Do those prospects we talked about earlier include a certain dashing shirm secret agent?"
"Is an agent all that secret when he blows up a building with a space laser?"
"There are still some things I've kept under my cloak."
"Suppose I'm a little interested in finding those things out."
"Suppose I was interested in divulging alliance secrets."
"You'd go double agent for a humble scribe?"
"No, but I'd bash my share of males on the head with my forelegs for you."
"That I'd like to see." She grins. "Okay, Agent Halaris. Buy me a drink at the tavern?"

Hell yes.

As a wise man once said: Hell yes.

>>485690
You would be delighted to.

stupid question.

Begin [Charm] spam!

Hal 2013/01/16(Wed)23:58 No. 485851 ID: 3f989a
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Drapus says maybe I should stay off that leg but 1) what does he know about a shirm anyway and 2) I have a date with a petite primrose pillbug to see to.

We sit in a corner booth and Diminai, that waitress I met earlier, comes by to get our orders. Diamanda asks for a pale ale and Diminai informs us with a wink she'll get that for us on the bar's tab.

"No booze?" asks Diamanda.
"I need my senses sharp in case I need to talk to the council some more later," I say. "We ain't out of the woods yet."
"You could just leave," says Diamanda. "They'd maybe shake their fists at you as you took off but it's not like they'd have much in the way of power over you even if you did break the law."
"A whole big multitude of factors keep me planetside," I scoot further into the a-little-bit-too-small booth as the drinks arrive and I crank up the [charm].
"Are some of those factors more sober than you normally like them?" Diamanda sips from her tankard. "Because if all this is on the house I'm planning on getting mildly sloppy."
"I somehow can't find it in me to raise an objection," I say.
She laughs. "Then keep it coming, o big blue benefactor."
"Alliteration. I like that."
"Reminds you of you?"
"Reminds me of how sharp you are with words."
"Look who's talking."
"Seriously. Back there with the councillor? You really helped me out. You have an excellent way of saying 'fucking'. Real hard-hitting."
"Sometimes in rhetoric you gotta bring out the big guns." She leans forward a little. I catch myself wondering what's going on underneath that top. "'Fucking' tends to get people's attention."
"Hmm." This one knows how to play the game. "You like attention?"
"Depends on who and how atttentive." She stretches a little and I involuntarily follow the gesture. "I think you're doing fine. Where were you? Big multitude of factors?"
"Well, you know. Image is important. I'm representing the Alliance in a veeery delicate situation."
"You're talking to a lawyer here, Hal," Diamanda takes another gulp. "I know how important image is to people. And so do you." She grins and leans her head against her hand. "I think I can see through you, Agent."
"Oh, no. And here I am without my lucky underwear."
"Not like that." She giggles. "And it's not that you aren't a hero or anything. You're a hero, all right. But that whole modest 'I only want the right thing' shit you've been tossing around? Acting all humble? You're not humble. You bet you're God's three legged gift to women, don't you?"
"Do I?"
"You do. And it works, doesn't it? I saw that wink Diminai gave you. And that Delter you're with was on you like orange on rice."
"Your rice is orange?"
"Yours isn't? How many girls have you gotten with the whole smooth shirm routine, Halaris? Be honest."

>>485851
"A gentleman never tells, and it wouldn't do those wonderful women justice to remember them as numbers."

>lets see if I can write well for this shirm...

Honestly? I'm offended. First at the implication that I wouldn't want the right thing regardless of the means, and second that you'd consider this some kind of a routine I throw around. I'll do what is right, or as close as I can manage, and really can't help but be damn smooth all the while. Sometimes that involved being appealing to the ladies while keeping a respectful and necessary distance, and other times I got into their pants as a vital part of the mission regardless of how I felt about them.

But usually? I just do my job, and if there is someone worth being charming to during the course of that I do so, I'm honest as I can be about it, and if they want to go further than that then I oblige them.

But to answer your question... Even if you defined "gotten" well enough I wouldn't have a number to give you, because I don't go through my life counting such things... but "a lot" would be fairly accurate, yes.

you'd never kiss and tell, would you?

>>485851
She asked you a straightforward question. Don't dodge it.

"Not as many as you might think. This may come as a surprise, but there are entire planets out there where being a squid head and three legs is considered unattractive, no matter how heroic I am. Sure, I make the effort to leave a good impression wherever I go, but if I make anything more than friends it is both lucky and a privilege. "

Oh, I'd like to bring up the issue of taking a drunk girl home to have sex. Isn't that frowned upon due to consent issues? I don't know how you normally would avoid the moral issue unless she gives you consent ahead of time or something. I guess you could just wait until she sobers up before going all the way...

>>485927
Agreed, aside from that it is also a way to turn her down without hurting her feelings (probably).
Remember you did strongly imply to a certain crewmate you wouldn't tap that one.

>>485927
Nah we're good. She wouldn't be drinking much before the council sees us, and we won't have enough time to do anything until after it concludes.

>>486023
We did no such thing. We implied that we probably would, actually.

Hal 2013/01/21(Mon)00:44 No. 486627 ID: f707c7
File 135875785697.png - (318.25KB , 800x600 , 46.png )

"Honestly, I'm offended."
She covers her mouth with one sleeve. "Oh, no."
"Both at the implication that I wouldn't want the right thing regardless and at the idea that I throw some kind of routine around. I just do as close to what I think is right and if there is someone I find charming, I do my best to be charming back. I don't go through my life counting these things."

She starts making a long, slow air jerk with one hand, rolling her eyes back into her head.

"All right, well, look," I say. "You wouldn't kiss and tell, would you?"

"Fourteen," she says, immediately. "Once two at the same time. Number nine, Dirkus, is four tables away from us right now. You do go through your life counting those things because everyone counts these things and I need a solid integer, Hal."

"Thirty four," I say, because sometimes you just have to admit you're not as smooth as you think you are.

She grins. "Now didn't that feel good to get off your chest? Torso? Pseudopod? Whatever?

I shrug. "I leave a good impression."

"You play the game, Hal, and you play it good, but you don't need to with me." She stretches, shamelessly. "We both know what you're trying to do, and if getting me in bed is suddenly the Right Thing or Just Doing Your Job or something, who am I to stand in the way of the greater good? But if you just want to fuck me, then skip the spiel and say you want to fuck me. This ain't my first rodeo, cowboy, and once the council finds you innocent, which they will, because you are, and once you down a drink or two, which you should, because you've already said everything you need to say, maybe you could get yourself a room, and you could tell me where it is, and I could come over," she leans forward, "and I could give you a few riding lessons."

>>486627
I dunno Hal, are YOU feeling very seduced here? It's not like you are completing a scavenger hunt. You're not exactly desperate, and while honesty is one thing, this girl is approaching callous in presentation. She was a lot cuter when she was still playing the game. As they say, its not the destination, its the journey.

...okay.

>>486627
"My fair lady, you've given me some talking lessons here. Me of all people, who knew there was more to learn. I must say, I may fear you and more of your lessons. But you teach them so well and so cleverly. For the first time in years, I have been humbled in my own court. Take me out to the yard and tell me how the lawyers buck their rides."

>>486627
OUT-PLAYED.

Answer her question by ordering a drink.

>>486710
seconded

>>486630
Yeah, this is really kind of offputting. You sincerely aren't going for some kind of high score, and you need to remember to be careful not to let people pressure you into things with nearly the same methods you use to pressure them. Turn her down gently.

"You know, it might be a game we all play, but personally I find the game at least as fun as the destination. I happen to have a good memory, but that's in no small part because of all the memorable people I've met; I don't think I'd ever refer to someone I'd romanced as 'number nine'. There's something to be said for actually playing the game, and I'd think that someone with as much of a gift for words as you have would appreciate a bit of verbal foreplay. To answer your blunt question with a blunt answer, no, I didn't particularly want to "skip the spiel and say I wanted to fuck you"; I was looking forward to enjoying a bit of romance, and I thought that after the impressive displays you've put on in the past you might as well. Congratulations on an impressive bit of verbal maneuvering indeed, but I can't say I find the idea of being 'number fifteen' particularly romantic at the moment. Have a nice day."

(This is meant genuinely, and not as a "hard to get" tactic. I'd say if she decides to treat this as "hard to get" and come back later with a bit more romance in mind, by all means enjoy yourself, but if not I don't think you need another notch in your bedpost quite this desperately. Romance is not dead quite yet, but she just tried to take it out back and put it out of its misery.)

>>486743
Actually, that's the problem: she *isn't* using the same kind of methods. She's just crassly asking for sex, which is just about the polar opposite.

Hal 2013/01/21(Mon)23:17 No. 486825 ID: f707c7
File 135883905637.png - (326.10KB , 800x600 , 47.png )

Chivalry remains alive and well, headvoices mine, but perhaps it should fight its battles with a little more tact.
Some women have tentacles, some have fur, some find it sexy to play at the intricacies of romance, and some find it sexy just to take the pretense away and tell you exactly what they want. I wouldn't turn a lady down for an extra head; why should a little directness get my panties in a bunch? She is by no means the most aggressive woman I've had; if you'll recall correctly Talia tackled me.

"I've been outplayed like this twice before and only twice before," I say, signalling for a drink, "and you're lucky I find that incredibly attractive."
"I find your willingness to drop the mask for me a little just as attractive." I feel her foot rest against my thigh under the table. "Hal, hey. I know you love chasing girls almost as much as what happens at the end of the race. It just so happens that I love chasing dudes. I know you don't just see us as crusty gym socks or anything. You are God's three legged gift." A saucy smile slinks across her face. "Well, you are if your bite is as good as all the barking you've been doing."
"I don't actually have teeth."
She winks. "You can just outsource the biting to me."

She looks up, and I turn to see Delanida, councillor of Tribe Volanthis, working her way through the bar, with Talia and Anka in tow.
"To be continued," Diamanda whispers, then straightens up and tilts her head with deference to Delanida, who returns the gesture.

"I hope we aren't interrupting anything," says Anka, sounding as delighted as always to be interrupting something, "but the councillor here told us she wanted to see you."
"And it wasn't exactly hard to puzzle out where you were going to be," says Talia, with all the grace of a weed whacker.

"We have reviewed your case, Halaris," says Delanida, stiffly, "and we wish to make it very clear that under no circumstances does the leadership of Tribe Volanthis endorse what happened here today. The Alliance and the Council have worked closely on many occasions and although we anticipate a continuation in that relationship the events of this afternoon were entirely by your volition and in no way set any sort of precedent, agreement, or commendation. That being said," she sighs, "in light of the zero effective fatalities and the selectively localized damage of your activity, we are prepared to overlook the breaches of etiquette that occurred today and voted unanimously to pursue no charges or disciplinary action of any kind."

>>486825
So basically he's saying we're in the clear but goddamn it don't do that again. Also, she is being very formal here, so you should as well. Put your [diplomatic] face on.

Thank her for their leniency, and that you hope this does not hinder any future dealings they have with the Alliance.

>>486825
Express your pleasure at the councils wisdom, yada yada, diplomacy. Find out what the catch is.

cool beans. now continue with what you were doing before they came.

Thank them for their gracious response, and ask if you could take any steps to help smooth things over a bit.

Perhaps mention that this is only the military side of things and hint that, swiftness is generally considered the best case for various reasons.

Perhaps a "We deal with actual threats to people's lives as swiftly and quickly as possible; discomfort is only temporary," and leave it... hanging with all the implications.

Hal 2013/01/22(Tue)21:25 No. 487050 ID: f707c7
File 135891875776.png - (179.76KB , 800x600 , 48.png )

"I thank the council for their leniency," I tell her [diplomatically]. "If I could take any steps to smooth things over..."

"Simply refrain from destroying any more buildings for the duration of your stay, Halaris, and you will have the council's gratitude," says Delanida, sharply. She sighs. "And off the record, Halaris, I apologize for the actions of myself and Dersichore. We... overreacted to your actions, I believe. If dreimian lives had been lost Tribe Volanthis would have retracted its support of the alliance without question... but I suppose they were not, and I suppose that means we owe you our thanks."
"Thank you, councillor."
"Just warn us next time, dear."

I'm about to return to Diamanda when I get an incoming call from the Captain. "Sorry, Di. I have to take this."
"Take your time," she says, then asks Talia and Anka, "Do either of you two want drinks? Hal's got it."
"I can't drink," Talia says sullenly.
"Heck yeah I want a drink," says Anka. "Sorry, Tal."

"This is Qalwitness News reporting to you live from the smoking crater that used to be Pirate HQ," the commander tells me over the wire. "We just finished doing awesome shit that probably made whatever you were doing look boring and also stupid by comparison."
"I got to blow a building up from space," I say.
"I heard," he says. "Is my rollicking surprise party coming along nicely or should we go warm up the engines before the mobs start gathering?"
"Just tell us the color streamers you want, sir."
"I knew I could count on you. And by that I mean I didn't, because I barely even know you. But I know my gut and it told me, Captain, you should shoot this man in the head and make him do all your paperwork. Thank you, Gut. And thank you, Hal."
"Thank you, sir."
"Everybody gets one. And stop repeating me. If I wanted an echo chamber I'd talk into the hollowed out skulls of all those dead pirates. We're going to rearm and regroup then be in town by midnight, but because of how well this mission did I'm going to give everyone the weekend shore leave before we're back out in the sky. Enjoy it and if you want to launch any more space lasers don't hesitate to give me a call."
"Of course, sir."
"Il capitano out. Wait."
"Sir?"
"Blue streamers. Ok, now I'm out."

I hang up. "We've got the weekend to spend before we have to jet out again."
Anka fistpumps.
"Well if you don't have to get up early tomorrow," says Diamanda, "do you guys want to blow this popsicle stand and head to the Tashak den?"
"Tashak?"
"Tashak is Dreimian hookah stuff and I say very yes," Anka tells me. "Oh my god, I've always wanted to try it."
"I don't know," says Talia.
"Talia, c'mooon," says Anka. "It's not like booze! You can actually do this stuff too."

>>487050
This is going to go down bad, I can just tell. When we're done with our little high bug trip we'll be in the middle of some serious shit.

Let's go get high then.

>>487050
Is she unsure because she doesn't want to hang around and watch you hit on Diamanda(kinda doubt it honestly), or is she unsure because she's not keen on drugs? Or something else? Use your [intuition] to figure it out. Could be an important detail. Construct your argument for her to come appropriately. If it's because she's not into drugs, you can tell her she doesn't have to go all in with it if she doesn't want to. If she's not keen on watching you hit on Diamanda you can joke about not making out in front of her with literally all the girls.

I am totally waiting for the other shoe to drop, but we should probably go anyway. No sense backing out of a great time just due to a little paranoia.

okay. just don't smoke too much if this is your first try. pace yourself. you probably know the deal already.

Going on a drug bender seems like a bad idea here; not on general principles, but on the very specific principle that you're still at least somewhat on a mission here, so maintaining a clear head seems like a good idea. What if the pirates come calling?

How about telling Diamanda something like this: "I feel like I want to keep a clear head for a while longer, just in case something comes up; we are *technically* still on mission. Besides, I'd really like to finish the diplomatic negotiations we were talking through earlier; I think we'd managed to cut through all the wordplay and figure out what we really wanted."

Dude, you guys are uptight. This is clearly a more enlightened age, I think we can relax pretenses. Anyway, hookah doesn't get you high, it's tobacco. Go ahead, convince the hesitant lady that she doesn't have to smoke if she doesn't want to, but she should join the fun. Maybe we can get a threesome going. Have fun!

We should get some blue streamers set up for the captain before we go there.
Demerits are bad, after all.
Just need a few people on rooftops to throw them down at him; maybe we can get volunteers at the den.

You are a winner. You should go do drugs.

Hal 2013/02/24(Sun)23:33 No. 495925 ID: a2d9b1
File 136177760017.png - (128.23KB , 800x600 , 49.png )

"I feel like a winner, and I think it's time to debunk a few myths about winners re: the recreational use of drugs," I say. "Lead on, Diamanda."

We head to hit the Hookah House, dragging Talia grumblingly along. My intuition tells me she's not keen on seeing this little bug lady seduce her crush, but Anka tells her that she is not ruining this for her and kind of drags her along. "You haven't gotten out of your armor-plated skull in months, Talia. Come ooon."

We reach the place and Diamanda pays our way in. A crowd of dazed Dreimians congregate in sleepy, happy heaps around hoses that stick out of the floor with no identifiable source.

"Okay, Super Agent Halaris," she says, winking and pulling an unused hose out to length. "How about you take the first dose and show us what it's all about?"

>>495925
"After all this action I think it's a fine change of pace that I embarrass myself in front of everyone, so I will take you up on that offer."

Might want to sit down before you inhale. ...how does a Shirm sit?

Aw yeah hit dat shit shrigga

don't overinhale, now.

Remember the words of your predecessor, Hal, and get buzzed, not stoned, so you can perform the horizontal waltz later.

420 blaze it faggot

Hal 2013/02/25(Mon)21:21 No. 496173 ID: 57319f
File 136185607936.png - (88.12KB , 800x600 , 50.png )

"Well, I guess it's only fair that I embarrass myself in front of everyone after being so cool today." I take the hose.

"Oh, don't worry, Hal, you embarrass yourself in front of me all the time," says Anka. Talia punches her in the arm.

Okay; I've done this sort of thing before. I breathe deep.

Hal 2013/02/25(Mon)21:21 No. 496174 ID: 57319f
File 136185609086.png - (227.36KB , 800x600 , 51.png )

I don't know if it's working.
Hmmm, maybe it is.

hmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmy ears are ringin'.
wait i don't have ears.

whoaaa. is that my voice? or wait; is that my think-voice?
also if we're talking about what's mine, if we're going on that tangent: is that MY hand? hahahahaha it looks so tiny ahahaha

wow, this is some strong shit

"Is It Working? Hal?"

ooo its talia
man her claws look really nice right now
wait did i think that or did i say that?
"You said it.

Okay maybe I do want a hit or two of this."

>>496174
Don't bogart the bong, man. Pass that shit.

Hal 2013/02/25(Mon)21:46 No. 496181 ID: 57319f
File 136185758361.png - (198.57KB , 800x600 , 52.png )

i pass the pipe. i moooove the love on down the circle. hit this shit, talia.
"Yessir."
that's an order.
"Yessir."
also anka.

haaaaaa hair is so crazy. why do humans have hair, anka?
"Evolution?"
its crazy
your hair looks like a bird
"You are high as fuck, my friend."

ok, but your hair totally looks like a bird

then all of us smoke a lot and talk??? its cool

you guys are fucking space badasses its ridiculous

"You're ridiculous Hal"
"In a good way"

Hal 2013/02/25(Mon)21:46 No. 496182 ID: 57319f
File 136185760298.png - (197.92KB , 800x600 , 53.png )

"Hail the conquering heroes!"
when did the captain and belding get here? hey
"Just now. They got here just nowowow."
oh. cool.
"Agent Halaris! What is the situation here? Where are my streamers?

What's that smell?"

>>496182
Drugs, sir. We are high as fuck.

>>496182
I suggest Anka not try it. If it gets electric space rock monsters and indestructible crab people high, it'll probably make a human dissolve.

>>496182
Pass him the pipe. The circle of love must grow!

"I got your streamers riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight here, sir." Get him the pipe.

>>496182
Still waiting on the blue ones, sir. They had only had red and cerulean on hand.

Hal 2013/02/25(Mon)22:53 No. 496208 ID: 57319f
File 136186161048.png - (332.19KB , 800x600 , 54.png )

they only had red and cerulean on hand, sir. i put in an order for some blues.

and the smell is dreimian hyperweed, and we're high, sir.
"That's against regulations, Agent Halaris."
sorry, sir.
"You had better get me so high I forget."

then we do that.

more people from the raiding party show up and things get louder and rowdier but the dreimians are cool with it.
they're so happy all the time i love these little guys

i guess that pink qal is belding's gf? that's nice

"this is crazy"
that was talia.
"i'm ok with you having sex with diamanda hal, i think"
maybe don't talk so loud
"awwww come on you know you're prouda yourself. just promise me we're still a thing"
a thing?
"a friends with benefits thing i dunno"
oh totally
"cool
ok cool
you're cool"
you too talia

theres music on the whole time its really nice; wait, what time is it?
"pretty late we've been here for like 2 hours"
ok
who said that
"anka"
are you going to melt or anything anka?
"naw i'm feelin pretty good"
cool just thought i would check

Hal 2013/02/25(Mon)22:57 No. 496212 ID: 57319f
File 136186184704.png - (118.18KB , 800x600 , 55.png )

it starts to wind down and belding and pink lady head out
shes cute good for him

theres something warm and soft on my leg what is that

oh it's diamanda's boobs
theyre nice
"do you like the fauna here on Faro 8?"
its great but i wouldnt mind getting a better feel for the flora
i dont think i say that last part out loud??
"wanna get out of here?"

>>496212
Sure thing babe.

Hal 2013/02/26(Tue)00:05 No. 496228 ID: 57319f
File 136186590084.png - (9.60KB , 800x600 , 56.png )

we go and get a room at the inn and i tell them everyone else will be along soon and diminai sort of raises and lowers her eyebrows at me as diamanda pulls me upstairs.

we're two steps in when she jumps me and if she was a couple feet taller i think one of us would have broken a bone.

ok today was a good day good night everyone

oh fuuuuuck

...go to sleep, she can't do much to you anyway.

>>496291
Dude, she was totally fine with just fucking.

I think that's actually one of the pirates. SHOOT! If it's one of yours, they'll be fine. If it's a pirate, you'll save your friends' life!