Chop 2012/12/13(Thu)16:15 No. 478555 ID: c4e5c2
File 135544415128.png - (83.88KB , 700x700 , 236.png )

CHOP has AWOKEN.

CHOP'S FIRST GAZE into this morning beholds a TOTAL COUNT of ZERO WEAKLINGS.

Where are they?

TIME TO DRAG WEAKLINGS KICKING AND SCREAMING OVER THE COALS AGAIN

>>478555
Review past punishments of late weaklings.

PAST TRENDS IMPLY THAT WEAKLINGS ARE SLACKING OFF AND PLAYING GIRLY GAMES.
DIMENSION DOOR TO NEAREST WEAKLINGS.

It's probably too much to hope that that means the pupils before Chop this morning have graduated to the level above not-weaklings, is it? Well, time to wrangle up some weaklings.

Yank punching bag down. Locate weaklings and punch them with the punching bag until they get to class.

>>478555
>ZERO WEAKLINGS
Really? That's awesome! You must be doing a fantastic job at training them!

...Wait, that isn't what happened? Damn, they must be doing a horrible job at being trained. Punch a hole in reality and walk through it, emerging right behind the weaklings.

1/3 Chop 2012/12/13(Thu)16:48 No. 478569 ID: c4e5c2
File 135544613828.png - (125.82KB , 700x700 , 237.png )

>Review PAST PUNISHMENTS
Laps. Coal laps. Pyramid laps. Coal pushups. Hunting trips. Hunting coals.

CHOP does not recall KICKING and SCREAMING COALS, but CHOP has heard enough WHINES to last MILLENIA.

CHOP casts KNOCK on the nearest WEAKLING DOOR.

2/3 Chop 2012/12/13(Thu)16:50 No. 478571 ID: c4e5c2
File 135544622040.png - (124.80KB , 700x700 , 238.png )

>"It's not even sunrise!" PUNYLOCKS squeaks to me like a MOTHER-MISSING KITTEN.
"THE PUNCHING BAG SEEKS VENGEANCE UPON WEAKLINGS. PUNYLOCKS shall carry the PUNCHING BAG into the DOJO and proceed to RE-BEAT IT INTO SUBMISSION. If CHOP arrives and the PUNCHING BAG is not CRYING PUNCHING BAG TEARS than PUNYLOCKS shall henceforth be known as ONFIRE."

3/3 Chop 2012/12/13(Thu)16:50 No. 478572 ID: c4e5c2
File 135544623197.png - (166.48KB , 700x700 , 239.png )

CHOP REDIRECTS his POSITION in TIME SPACE to BEDHUGGER'S DIMENSION OF BED HUGGING.

BEDHUGGER is MISSING from his TINY TINY BED.

>>478572
It's been slept in though. Did he hear you waking up Punylocks and run to the gym before you got here? If so, then he will likely remain unpunished, as that is what he should have done. Alternatively, he is hiding in this room. Look up. If he is being extra sneaky, then perhaps we have the urge to be impressed.

Check next weakling if he's not in here.

~God damn I love you chop, You're probably my favorite character on this site!

Lift tiny bed, and find the weakling cowering underneath.

WE MUST FIND BEDHUGGER WEAKLING!
WHERE IS HE MOST OFTEN IN MORNING CHOP?

>>478576
no, flip it.

LIFT TINY TINY BED to CHECK for TINY TINY BEDHUGGER UNDERNEATH. THEN LIFT TINY TINY BEDROOM and CHECK UNDER THERE.

ACQUIRE TINY TINY BED TO HAVE TINY TINY BEDHUGGER PUNCH IT UNTIL IT THEY BOTH WEEP TINY TINY TEARS.

Slam your face right into the center of the mattress and break through to the bottom of the bed then give Bedhugger your mightiest roar.

It's going to be hilarious when we smash the bed, only to find Bedhugger was just standing a few feet to the left.

Pretty sure the bed is a slab of rock.

Check dark corner.

Loudly observe that Bedhugger is not hugging his bed. Let any listeners know that you are impressed at this development, and that perhaps he has already left for the dojo.

Bedhugger, being the bedhugger he is, will not be able to disguise his WEAKLING TERROR at the possibility of being discovered slacking. If there is the slightest sign that he is attempting COWARDLY STEALTH, EXTRACT HIM from his hideout with MAXIMUM PREJUDICE and BARELY-NOT-DEADLY FORCE.

>>478602
You think chop can't break through such a thin slab of rock. Or do you underestimate how puny Bedhugger is?

>>478572
Perhaps Bedhugger is onto things already? Maybe he heard you powerful voice echo through the halls when you got Punylocks up? He could be getting the others up right now!

Did you let them know today was an early day though? Like, punch a schedule into their doors or by the dojo?

>>478604
I'm simply saying he's not likely underneath, and there is likely no mattress.

You're disciplined ears surely can detect the location of bed hugger by the sound of his weeping and the smell of his fear.

destroying things without reason is just a waste of energy, CHOP does NOT WASTE ENERGY, ENERGY WASTES CHOP!
So, look aroung, lift bed and let BEDHUGGER HUGCARRY his BED towards the DOJO, if he is hugging it from underneath. Otherwise, just check next WEAKLING and remember searching later.

CHECK THE CEILING.
ALWAYS check the ceiling.

>>478658
But we do have a reason to destroy Bedhuggers bed. He was late this morning for training, even if he is there waiting for us right now he was still late and needs to be punished.

>>478668
By throwing the bed at the ceiling. This will effectively search for cowering bedhuggers under the bed and on the ceiling at the same time.

>>478671
Wrong, if he's already there then he has demonstrated that he is no longer as weak and has moved beyond the need for beds. This is because his new training schedule for non-complete-wusses will make him too tired to do anything other than collapse on the dojo floor when training is done.

1/5 Chop 2012/12/14(Fri)08:11 No. 478684 ID: c4e5c2
File 135550149169.png - (40.63KB , 700x700 , 240.png )

"CHOP shall now LIFT the BED, expecting to find BEDHUGGER sneakily giving BACKSY BEDHUGS."

3/5 Chop 2012/12/14(Fri)08:11 No. 478686 ID: c4e5c2
File 135550151850.png - (83.28KB , 700x700 , 242.png )

>...........

4/5 Chop 2012/12/14(Fri)08:12 No. 478687 ID: c4e5c2
File 135550154690.png - (92.33KB , 700x700 , 243.png )

>......"I-"
"LAAAATE. CHOP would admit to being MILDLY IMPRESSED if BEDHUGGER had been WALLHUGGING above its door and showing ONE PERCENT CLEVERNESS, but now there are ZERO COMPLIMENTS."
>"Geez, I'm sorry, but you make it feel like there's a cave in coming when you stomp up like this! It's not even sunri-"
"CHOP wonders why the SMALL EXCUSE GENERATOR would imagine that CHOP has begun to care for TINY WHINING. BEDHUGGER shall now give CHOP ONE REASON why CHOP should not drag BEDHUGGER to the DOJO with BARELY-NOT-DEADLY FORCE."
>"Because... then I'll be in better shape to train myself to barely-not-dead by the end of the day on my own?"
"CHOP DOES NOT THINK THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A QUESTION, BUT ACCEPTS THIS SENTIMENT. CHOP has spared this bed a gruesome fate, because CHOP expects BEDHUGGER to CARRY its BED to the DOJO and BEAT IT UNTIL BOTH BED AND HUGGER ARE CRYING TINY TINY TEARS."

5/5 Chop 2012/12/14(Fri)08:13 No. 478688 ID: c4e5c2
File 135550159278.png - (188.62KB , 700x700 , 244.png )

CHOP casts SENSE WEAKLING until he finds PRINCESS and the RECENTLY UN-WOUNDED LOVEGNOLL making SOME SORT OF HAPPY TOWER.

GO PLUCK PRINCESS FROM LOVEGNOLL'S SHOULDERS

RIDING SHOULDERS OF WEAKLING GNOLL WILL NOT MAKE HER STRONGER AND REMEDY HER FLUFFY WEAKISHNESS, BUT CARRYING LOVEGNOLL OR CHOP ON HER'S WILL

>>478687
Hey, good answer! He's learning.

>>478688
Hm. Well, at least she made it out of her bedroom. That's a slight improvement over the others. And she's practing balance, sort of.

Obviously though, you need to invert the tower. Have Princess carry Lovegnoll back to the dogo, and then continuing the established trend with the last two, beat him until they're both crying tiny pathetic Princess Lovegnoll tears.

Princess obviously is unable to make it to the Dojo under her own power. Chop should throw Princess to the Dojo from here where Princess will balance Bedhugger on her shoulders and doing squats so that tomorrow she can walk to the Dojo with her own puny legs, obviously balancing on Princess shall not be accepted as an excuse for Bedhugger to slack on bed punching.

Make her carry lovegnoll to the dojo then do squats while carrying Bedhugger who is punching bed.

>>478692
This, 100%. We've set a precedent and we should stick to it. Princess will carry Lovegnoll to the dojo, and then punch him until they're both crying.

I suspect we may only get tears of laughter out of Hilt, but that's fine as long as punching occurs and tears are shed.

1/2 Chop 2012/12/14(Fri)10:17 No. 478721 ID: c4e5c2
File 135550902561.png - (100.59KB , 700x700 , 245.png )

"CHOP finds PRINCESS to, perhaps, be INCAPABLE of walking itself to the DOJO. IT shall not regain her ability to do so by RIDING THE SHOULDERS of WEAKLING GNOLL."
>"Wha? But it's not even sunr-"
"CHOP HAS POSTED A NEW SCHEDULE UPON THE BULLETIN BOARD. IT WEEPS WITH ITS LACK OF ATTENTION. CHOP finds that your TOWER OF LOVE is BUILT IN REVERSE."
>"What?"
"PRINCESS and LOVEGNOLL will TRADE PLACES. PRINCESS shall CARRY LOVEGNOLL into the DOJO and then BEAT HIM UNTIL LOVETEARS COME OUT. PRINCESS shall also place BEDHUGGER UPON ITS PUNY SHOULDERS as both weaklings FULFILL THEIR PUNCHING DUTIES."

2/2 Chop 2012/12/14(Fri)10:17 No. 478722 ID: c4e5c2
File 135550903413.png - (122.09KB , 700x700 , 246.png )

CHOP seeks out KISSY FACE ONE AND TWO, finding them PERFORMING RUNS around the premises.

CHOP does not know whether to be PLEASED or CONFUSED at this TURN OF EVENTS.

Likely pleased. They're not in the Dojo yet though, it is much better for running.
Since you can keep an eye on them.

>>478722
Pass the kissyfaces, then jog backwards while you inform them of their tardiness. However, since they're training of their own accord, they should have a chance to avoid the punishments the rest of the weaklings have earned for themselves:

By the time Chop finds Punchingbag and drags him to the dojo, perhaps there will be a FRESH bed of hot coals waiting for the weaklings. If the Kissyfaces manage to assist him by acquiring more coal by this time, their initiative will be rewarded and their tardiness forgiven.

>CHOP does not know whether to be PLEASED or CONFUSED at this TURN OF EVENTS.
Why should the mighty chop be limited to a mere one reaction at a time?

Express your pleasure and confusion at the same time.

>>478722
They shall continue to run all day, then.

>>478721
>CHOP HAS POSTED A NEW SCHEDULE UPON THE BULLETIN BOARD
CHOP has now learned about much more effective UPDATING TECHNIQUE that is to PUNCH SCHEDULE UPDATES into all of your precious COMFORTABLE FURNITURE! This way CHOP GETS FREE WORKOUT AT NO EXPENSE TO CHOP! UNLESS WEAKLINGS would prefer to look at SCHEDULE MORE OFTEN! AT END OF ALL DAYS!

Or prehaps WEAKLINGS CANNOT EVEN READ? WHY MUST EVERYONE BE BOTH WEAK IN MIND AND BODY!

CHOP WILL MAKE KISSY FACE 1 AND 2 STUDY ALPHABET AS THEY RUN! TEST AT END OF WEEK!

>>478731
Or. Whats it good for?

>>478785
Completing the word for.

>>478785
You're thinking of XOR. Chop's mighty logic is rigorously symbolic.

Chop 2012/12/15(Sat)11:36 No. 478981 ID: c4e5c2
File 135560016527.png - (98.91KB , 700x700 , 247.png )

"CHOP is PLEASED, if also CONFUSED, by KISSY FACES PRACTICE RUNS. CHOP is ALMOST WILLING TO FORGIVE TARDINESS."
>"But it-"
"BEHOLD THE WEEPING BULLETIN BOARD. KISSY FACES will HELP CHOP gather NEW COALS FOR THE DOJO, and in turn WILL NOT BE PUNISHED FOR TARDINESS. Perhaps CHOP shall MAKE KISSY FACES STUDY THE ALPHABET as they PITIFULLY ATTEMPT TO OUTRUN THE WIND, as CHOP SUSPECTS THAT KISSY FACES, NO, ALL WEAKLINGS, CANNOT EVEN READ."
>"Er.... yeahhh, we can't read. At all." KISSY FACE TWO dares admit. "I'm pretty sure Bedhugger and Princess can't, either? I'm not sure, but... that's why a bulletin board doesn't really help, sir."

CHOP feels that this MYSTERY OF ETERNAL TARDINESS has been SOLVED, and this MASSIVE CHASM OF IGNORANCE may HINDER THEIR ABILITIES as TEAM WARRIORS and perhaps should be REMEDIED WITH EXTREME HASTE.

Hmm. Obviously these weaklings must now train their minds under the harsh tutelage of chop. Their motivation to read ever changing weeping bulletin board and avoid tardiness should grant them literacy in record time.

Teach them the 26 Letters of Wisdom and War then proceed to chase them to the nearest scribesman for learning how to write such letters.

You must start by teach them the alphabet, you shall do this by having them contort their bodies into the shapes of letters as you call them out this will have the benefit of making them more flexible as they get familiar with the shapes of the letters.

>>478981

THE ANSWER IS REMEDIAL EDUCATION IN THE EXCESSIVE AND BOLD USE OF THE ONLY LETTERS THAT MATTER.

CAPITAL LETTERS.

>>478993
This sounds absolutely perfect.

>>478993
>>479000
It is good that is all

Letters are all well and good, but if they're to be reading times, wouldn't numbers be more important to train first?

>>479028
No. Letters are more important in general, and it's not like the start point will be changing every day, so it's most important to just learn basic communication.

>>478993

THIS WOULD LIKELY BUILD CHARACTER, ASSUMING THE KOBOLD ALPHABET IS COMPOSED OF SQUIGGLY LITTLE NOODLES LIKE THEIR PATHETIC LIMBS.

YES. CHOP MUST USE THE CONCEPT OF EXTREME HASTE ITSELF TO REMEDY THIS PROBLEM. THE PUNY DOJO RATS WILL RUN WITH GREAT SPEED INTO BOOKS UNTIL THE LETTERS HAVE MADE THEIR WAY INTO THEIR PUNY, UNDER-EDUCATED SKULLS.

1/2 Chop 2012/12/16(Sun)10:48 No. 479158 ID: c4e5c2
File 135568372859.png - (54.83KB , 700x700 , 248.png )

CHOP finds PUNCHINGBAG has made his LATE APPEARANCE in the DOJO, and so CHOP will now SWAP NORMAL TRAINING for BRAIN BUILDING EXERCISES.

2/2 Chop 2012/12/16(Sun)10:49 No. 479159 ID: c4e5c2
File 135568374615.png - (127.85KB , 900x700 , 249.png )

PAST PYRAMID BUILDINGS have made the weaklings WELL PRACTICED in the way of TEAMWORK BALANCE.

>"H-how long do we have to hold this for? What do A and E even mean, if they're words? I can read draconic, but not basic." PUNYLOCKS flings QUESTIONS and one POINTLESS FACT from her THRONE OF EASE.

What you should do is teach them the alphabet on paper, then show them how to make words with it.

THEN and only THEN can you start a SPELLING BEE OF HONOR to make them SPELL for their HEALTH and WELL-BEING.

Those that LOSE the SPELLING BEE OF HONOR must run COAL LAPS for FIVE HOURS while carrying SACKS OF BURNING COALS.

The winner gets to HELP CHOP write MORE SCHEDULES and HANG THEM ON EACH OF THEIR PUNY BABY DOORS and EMBROIDER THEM NO THEIR TINY SLEEPING PILLOWS.

Just go get the hat of shame, that metal bucket with the coals in it, as Punylocks apparently believes he will be able to read words without knowing the letters that are the little weaklings soldiers in the words armies.

you could tell them to scream the letters as almost every word is just an arrangement of those letters so the word sounds like the letters spoken after each other.

also... didn't you want to have kissyface train with lovegnoll until you arrive? I can't really see him...

also... did punylock grow up a bit? If I remember correctly (http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questarch/res/361630.html#361863 ) they used to be slightly the same height...

Hmm. The problem with this method of teaching brain training is the mental-weaklings cannot see the letters they must learn to recognize.

>What do A and E even mean, if they're words?
They are letters not words. You build words from letters, just as you build pyramids out of weaklings.

...although, coincidentally "a" is also a word. The meaning should be obvious.

>THRONE OF EASE
>THRONE OF "E"s
A mighty pun from the mighty Chop! =D

>>479168
Given that's only one E and she's not actually on it, I think that may be accidental. I could be overthinking, though.

>>479168
>You build words from letters, just as you build pyramids out of weaklings.
VERY YES. Then, Chop could give a practical demonstration of how letters form words. For example, he could easily form each of the letters "C, H, O, P" by himself given their relative simplicity and his awesome STRENGTH and BALANCE.

Also, though Chop may normally become angry when his training methods are questioned, in this case Punylocks may be used as a foil to demonstrate the importance of these lessons. Just the fact that she asks about the meaning of A and E shows the other students that this training is valuable. Answer her in such a way to goad her into asking more questions.

Make punching bags labelled with each letter of the alphabet, then quiz them on letters. If they do not recognise a letter, they must PUNCH IT hundreds of times with their little weakling fists.

They must BEAT their IGNORANCE.

>>479372
I second this motion

>>479372

No. They must MEMORIZE and learn to DEFEAT their ILLITERACY. They will be drilled upon RECOGNIZING and OVERCOMING each LETTER by PUNCHING bags marked with them.

Those who FAIL TO OVERCOME THEIR WEAKNESS shall become CHOP'S MIGHTY THRONE of LETTERS for the next round.

1/2 Chop 2012/12/27(Thu)13:59 No. 480858 ID: c4e5c2
File 135664554407.png - (61.72KB , 700x700 , 250.png )

>Didn't you want to have kissyface train with lovegnoll until you arrive?
CHOP'S TRAINING EXERCISES CHANGED when CHOP learned of GREAT ILLITERACY.

>Did Punylocks grow up?
CHOP thinks that PERHAPS the LAST HUNTING MISSION gave A COUPLE OF INCHES to her PUNY STATURE.

"The weak ones are BUILDING LETTERS, not WORDS. One builds WORDS out of many LETTERS, much as PYRAMIDS are built out of TINY WEAKLINGS. STASRUBIS."
>"Sir."
"Arrange for PUNCHING BAGS TO BE STITCHED WITH EACH LETTER. The WEAKLINGS of ETERNAL RECRUIT STATUS shall BEAT THEIR IGNORANCE after TEAM BALANCE IS ATTAINED."
>"Sir."

2/2 Chop 2012/12/27(Thu)13:59 No. 480859 ID: c4e5c2
File 135664555598.png - (40.92KB , 700x700 , 251.png )

"WEEKS shall be spent LEARNING WORDS out of MANY LETTER COMBINATIONS. The WINNER of SPELLING BEE OF HONOR shall be REWARDED by ASSISTING CHOP IN NEW SCHEDULE WRITING, including the EMBROIDERING of EVERYONE'S TINY SLEEPING PILLOWS. The FIRST LOSER shall EQUIP the HAT OF SHAME."
>........ "I'll bite." THE SPEAKING PUNCHINGBAG SAYS. "What is the hat of shame?"
"A METAL BUCKET FILLED WITH HOT COALS."
>"... not surprised, but wait a second. Isn't it kind of lame to reward the winner with work?"
"ALL LOSERS shall RUN COAL LAPS FOR MANY HOURS."
>"Okay, but that doesn't change that the reward is still work. Can't the winner get, I don't know, something positive, not just a less negative negative?"

>>480859
Does one not see that isn't a less negative negative? That is an honor! If puny weaklings MUST have positive reinforcement, then perhaps Chop will TAKE THEM TO LOVELY STRONG DINNER!

>>480863
where WE will EAT MOUNTAINS OF RED HOT COAL!

"oh, so the honor of being able to decide everyone's fate is bad?"

One would think that for somebody that likes to complain so much, he would jump at a chance to try telling people what to do.

Very well! The winner, in addition to PROUD DUTIES, shall receive the promise of one CHOP FAVOUR, allowing them to call for the performance of one MIGHTY CHOP FEAT at some future point. Within REASONABLE LIMITS THAT ARE OBVIOUS ALL WHO POSSESS BRAIN MUSCLES.

>something positive, not just a less negative negative?
Something positive is just a less negative negative. It's all in where you put the zero on the numberline. It sounds as it the weaklings have been coddled too long- that you have set the bar for zero too high to truly appreciate such a reward. We will have to see about readjusting their expectations.

>>480884

That seems....excessively generous. Maybe an upgraded name for the winner? Or a gold star? Remember, we don't want to impede their training with a reward.

>>480889

CHOP will let the LEAST PUNY WEAKLING pick from one of the THREE LESS PUNY NAMES that CHOP will create to recognise their MINISCULE PROGRESS towards LITERACY and STRENGTH.

>>480896
Why picking? this one's ranting so much, it will probably ranting again... so just a less puny name why not brainmuscle or something similar...
plus the help on the board...

Whoever wins gets to be referred to by their real name.

Also, for questioning Chop what's-his-face shall perform 26 pushups while reciting the alphabet.

>>480896
This is perfect. Winner gets a slightly less-puny name, should they so desire it.

No chop favors though. That will only make them weak.

Chop 2012/12/28(Fri)20:51 No. 481010 ID: c4e5c2
File 135675670744.png - (109.92KB , 700x700 , 252.png )

"CHOP WONDERS OUT LOUD at this one's THOUGHT PROCESSES that LEAD IT TO BELIEVE THIS WORK IS NOT AN HONOR. While PUNCHING BAG PERFORMS 26 PUSHUPS while RECITING the ALPHABET, CHOP shall INFORM ALL that the WINNER OF SPELLING BEE OF HONOR shall be GRANTED A NEW, LESS PUNY NAME. CHOP SHALL NOW HEAR QUESTIONS FROM WEAKLINGS."

CHOP finds SILENCE.

"Then CHOP expects A THOUSAND PERCENTAGES OF EFFORT EVERY DAY FOR ALL WEEKS."

THUD

CHOP'S EARS RECEIVE the UNMISTAKABLE SOUND of a CARPENTER'S HAMMER CRASHING UPON THE DOJO ENTRANCE DOOR.

Open the door, and see how the puny hammer disgracing the dogo door fares trying to make a dent in the mighty first of Chop.

Is he nailing a sign up? I bet he's nailing a sign up. Figure out what's going on.

Slam the door open and send anyone behind it flying.
Even if the door opens inwards.

Rip the door off its hinges and demand to know why they are disturbing your teaching with their puny but distracting sounds.

>>481010

Inform PUNY WOODBANGER that this is not the place for PATHETIC HAMMERS. Only FISTS and RAW MIGHT may be used to drive nails through WEAKLING PLANKS.

Chop 2012/12/30(Sun)02:07 No. 481163 ID: c4e5c2
File 135686206366.png - (128.29KB , 700x700 , 253.png )

CHOP FLINGS the DOJO DOOR to REVEAL THE CARPENTER'S HAMMER.

CHOP REMEMBERS that THE CARPENTER is not CONSTRUCTED of WEAK, FLIMSY TWIGS. CHOP finds ONE NOTE PINNED to the DOOR. It CHALLENGES CHOP to BATTLE OF HONOR regarding MANY BROKEN DOORS.

>>481163
We would be WEAK to refuse!

Does it say where and when?

Chop 2012/12/30(Sun)02:32 No. 481175 ID: c4e5c2
File 135686353263.png - (90.54KB , 700x700 , 254.png )

>Does it say where and when?
The CARPENTER'S SHOP at THIS TIME TOMORROW.

It FURTHER CLAIMS that an ALTERNATIVE MANNER OF DUEL would be THE CARPENTER'S PUPILS VERSUS CHOP'S PUPILS IN A SERIES OF MARTIAL AND MIND BATTLES.

>>481175
Pupils? I dunno, are his students nearly as feeble as our own?

we are making progress with them, but has he been training his students longer? if they are past the point of whining then i doubt your flimsy students could beat them simply because they lack the same lvl of determination.

Chop 2012/12/30(Sun)03:02 No. 481196 ID: c4e5c2
File 135686535549.png - (79.72KB , 700x700 , 255.png )

CHOP is UNFAMILIAR with CARPENTER PUPILS. CHOP may REQUIRE RECONNAISSANCE or SIMPLY DUEL THE CARPENTER HIMSELF to FINISH this WOODEN TANTRUM.

>>481196
Recon! It's an oppotunity to teach your students the value of scouting an enemy in advance.
Also you can always decide to duel directly after the recon.

STRONG sneak.

>>481202
Yes. SNEAKING is simply the ART OF BEATING THE OTHER'S AWARENESS INTO NONEXISTENCE.

Have Stasrubis oversee the weaklings training while you check up on these blacksmith apprentices. As a courtesy don't smash any more wooden doors until after you've won the duel, if you need to just smash through one of the stone walls beside the doors instead.

carpenter...
reminds me of this one:
http://tgchan.org/kusaba/questarch/res/73743.html#74999

Chop 2012/12/30(Sun)14:52 No. 481269 ID: c4e5c2
File 135690793749.png - (172.55KB , 700x700 , 256.png )

CHOP leaves STASRUBIS in CHARGE OF WEAKLING BRAIN TRAIN while CHOP PERFORMS RECON.

Out of GREAT RESPECT for THE CARPENTER, CHOP SHALL GO THROUGH WALLS INSTEAD OF DOORS.

>"Chop! I knew you'd come early! The duel isn't until tomorrow, so you have time to assume the fetal position!"
"CHOP has ARRIVED to PERFORM STEALTHY RECONNAISSANCE UPON YOUR PUPILS. When did THE CARPENTER ATTAIN WEAK WOODEN KITTENS?"
>"The same time you did with that batch of new kobolds coming in! They're so green I rub them on doors as a green paint substitute, but I bet they could best your own pupils with your ridiculous training schemes! They don't even know how to read, the idiots!"

>They don't even know how to read, the idiots!
That's it then. You need to have your students compete in various literate activities. Read-racing, spelling bees, essay writing, book reports, recitation, memorization, grammatical construction, etc. It's be the weakling kobold literate Olympics.

It's the perfect way to motivate your students to learn to read by tomorrow. Because they dare not fail you.

>>481269
Inform him you just discovered that shameful fact earlier today. Then just sit your ass down and watch him teach.

>>481270
No, that's a terrible idea. He's right. Our students can't read.

He has the advantage here; he knows more about our students than we know about his. He's trying to goad you into making a poor choice. Don't take the bait. Instead, let him know you're aware of the problem and that you're fixing it, then excuse yourself to observe his students, if you'd like. Either way, you probably ought to confront his challenge yourself, rather than with your students.

Although... This may be a good confidence-building thing for them, as long as you don't make it a literary challenge. That's just a bad idea, they aren't ready for that. Are they ready for combat? Probably.

Chop is this your wife?
You bicker like an old married couple.

It is time to get down the details. To make certain there is no shameful whining from the loser the two of you need to haggle out the details of the competition, things such the number of events and what they are, who shall judge these events, and what are the stakes other than the shame of failure.

>>481269

She looks familiar. Must be the eyes...

... and the angry.

Accept the Kobold Olympics between your apprentices. Not literary, just regular old Olympics with various events. It will make all weaklings less green, and is thus the most responsible course of action.

Especially considering you and The Carpenter are important around here. You two can't risk seriously injuring each other in a grand display of muscles. Not even accounting for the collateral damage.

tl;dr CHOP ACCEPTS THE CONTEST OF PUPILS.

We should duel carpenter AND have the pupils duel. We get to BEAT CARPENTER INTO HILARIOUS SUBMISSION. And we get to put a strand of BRAGGING RIGHTS TO OUR PUNY STUDENTS.

Chop 2012/12/31(Mon)15:53 No. 481476 ID: c4e5c2
File 135699803865.png - (83.45KB , 700x700 , 257.png )

THE CARPENTER does have EYES OF UNCANNY SIMILARITY to ROCK EATER, but CHOP is ASSURED THERE IS NO RELATION despite THE CARPENTER'S EXPERT DODGES AND PARRIES TO SUCH QUESTIONS.

"CHOP is WELL AWARE of CHOP'S RECRUIT'S INABILITY TO DECIPHER WORDS."
>"No you dolt, my students don't know how to read!"
"CHOP is UNIMPRESSED by the CARPENTER'S SEVERE LACK OF CONTEXTUAL COMMUNICATION. CHOP shall accept BOTH DUEL OPTIONS, but NEITHER are READY FOR CHALLENGES OF LITERATURE."
>"Well what else are we gonna do?! Mine'll murder yours at construction, and yours probably at least know what a fist is, unlike mine! How about a couple weeks? A couple weeks of studying how to read, then they have a duel on equal ground since none of ours know how to read right now. What other events are there? And for fuck's sake don't say 'fighting' or anything involving fighting, and I won't say carpentry."

We should accept the carpenters offer. A few weeks to build the weaklings into something minimally capable to compete is acceptable.

As for the actual events, we'll just enlist (draft) some neutral party into setting up the events and judging it. It's not like anyone is going to be stupid enough to say no.

Poker tournament!

A literacy competition in a few weeks sounds good. Hopefully, this will provide that extra bit of motivation for the students to learn.
Giving them an opponent they could potentially beat should fire them up.

WIZARDRY.

MUSCLE wizardry.

MUSCLE WIZARDS are not limited solely to FIGHTING. They can also use MAGICAL MUSCLES to perform TRIVIAL TASKS SUCH AS WOODEN TANTRUMS.

Our students shall break the shoddy doors constructed by the carpenters students with their puny muscles.

SPELLING BEE.
THE LOSERS STILL WEAR HOT COAL BUCKETS.

>>481480
Yeah, get some neutral judges. Maybe some of the wizards, they do all that wizardy reading and writing stuff.

>>481497
Carpentry vs fighting? I'm not sure how fair that is, but it sure sounds awesome.

We've been training our trainees for strength, toughness, and agility. Ask what she's been training hers for? If we can find common ground we can have a test based on that.

>>481519
>spelling bee

WITH ACTUAL BEES

>>481476

PERFECT! Each of our PUNY-BRAINED MINIONS will partake in a CHALLENGE OF LITERATURE. Upon MASTERING THEIR LETTERS through MIGHT and FISTS, they shall be given THREE EXCESSIVELY LONG WEEKS to use their new-found BRAIN-MUSCLES to COMPOSE A PLAY.

>>481476
IT IS A DATE!

I think we should challenge them to Hot Coal Switch Laps and other such things. No fighting, just areas we have a significant advantage. Though, a challenge of literacy would be interesting...

>>481699
The Carpenter is obviously going to object to something we so blatantly have an advantage in.

>>481679
YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON

>>481679
SPELLING BEE
GETTING A LETTER WRONG GETS BEES DUMPED ON YOU
ALSO, THE LOSER GETS BOTH MORE BEES AND HOT COALS

>>481799
Spelling Bee, while on HOT COALS, with increasing amount of BEES as the time taken to spell words increase.

>>481497
Best plan. Carpentry students build stuff, we break it. If their stuff is insurmountably sturdy, they win, otherwise we do.

I like how all our plans just kind of gradually devolve into torture

>>481917
Torture just makes one weak. We however, seek to forge the weaklings in flames of suffering- to make them STRONG.

Challenge to spelling bee. When carpenter agrees, begin training recruits in the manner of a true spelling bee, involving LIVE BEES. Upon day of contest, when carpenter objects to live bees being involved, inform carpenter that it is her own fault for not understanding the nature of the contest to which she and her students had been challenged.



You know, either that, or just do a regular spelling bee and kick their ass anyway because of Chop's SUPERIOR TRAINING METHODS. And your ace-in-the-hole, Punylocks... she's smart, and ought to pick this stuff up quickly enough.

...also I can't really tell. Someone else used a female pronoun, but is the carpenter male or female? 'bolds don't have much in terms of secondary sexual characteristics.

1/2 Chop 2013/01/09(Wed)15:55 No. 483893 ID: c4e5c2
File 135777573133.png - (63.20KB , 700x700 , 258.png )

"CHOP and CARPENTER shall BRING OUTSIDE INFLUENCE to judge upon GAMES OF FAIR EQUALITY for OUR AGREEANCE."
>"Fine, whatever you said! Now get outta here, I've got to repair more doors!"

2/2 Chop 2013/01/09(Wed)15:58 No. 483895 ID: c4e5c2
File 135777587948.png - (95.56KB , 700x700 , 259.png )

Chop continues BRAIN MUSCLE TRAINING and proceeds to write a REQUEST OF DUELS with PROPOSED SPELLING BEE AND CONSTRUCTION DESTRUCTION INCLUDED to KOBOLD CAVE MANAGEMENT. The NEXT DAY, a SMALL MESSENGER brings a MESSAGE OF DETAIL BEFORE CHOP.

>In regards to Thilki v Chop, the following events are proposed. Wins will be declared by a set of judges unrelated to either side's participants, for events in three week's time.
>- Building (destroying). Each carpenter pupil will build one functional object in a period of a few hours, while each militant pupil will be assigned to a single object and have one minute to destroy it.
>- Thilki versus Chop. A fight between those two until one person gives up, or the judges declare a winner.
>- Spelling bee. This event is worth two wins due to it's alleged importance. The request for coal buckets will be allowed if Chop supplies them on his own. The request for actual BEES has been vehemently denied by the food managers.

>Please reply via the messenger with a response confirming either agreement or proposed changes.

>>483895
Seems about right.

>>483895
I love all three!
These sound like fun and good training for both sides. The WEAKLINGS might even agree and actually give CANYONS OF EFFORT! Nothing like the THROES of INTENSE COMPETITION brings PUNY SOLDIERS together like HARDENED MUD! And the fight of the TEACHERS might bring GOOD CHEERS to the WEAKLINGS and CHOP'S IMPOSSIBLY STRONG HEART!

CHOP can FETCH BEES from outside! Or better yet, STUDENTS for more HARDENING TRAINING!

>>483895
Hold up! These three events have a total value of four wins between them. We need at least one more event, so that there's no chance of a tie.

>>483905
Got a point. We can't have a scoring system that allows for a tie.

>>483895
HARSHLY CRITICIZE the WRITER OF THIS NOTE for its GRAMMATICAL ERROR in the section about THE SPELLING BEE, MOST CRITICAL OF THE EVENTS. EDUCATE said CALLIGRAPHIC PLODDER of the fact that APOSTROPHES DO NOT DENOTE THE POSSESSIVE GENITIVE.

>>483905
>>483906
What Chop doesn't know about is the post-fight endurance and longevity phase after the main competition the carpenter has planned in the case of a tie, which she'll engineer to happen anyway.

It was obviously on purpose to hide the tiebreaker challenge.

>>483895

I've got it!

Thiliki vs. Chop, in that:
1). The STUDENTS shall begin upon a SPELLING BEE. For each CORRECTLY SPELLED WORD, a CARPENTER receives ONE WOOD from the pile with which to craft. A STUDENT OF FISTS will instead be permitted to destroy ONE WOOD from this same pile.
2). Should and OBJECT DECIDED UPON BY THE JUDGES be COMPLETED, then Thiliki's LUMBER PUPILS will be deemed VICTORIOUS. However, should THE PUNY WARRIORS destroy all the wood or otherwise PREVENT CONSTRUCTION of this object, THE DOJO will be declared GREATEST.

It's like all of them together.

>>483922
The cave management would likely reject this based on the fact that it breaks more valuable wood than needed. Instead just remove the wood and place it with the judges. The carpenters should also start with a pile of wood equal to the number of words in the contest.

Throw out the second part and use the construction/destruction contest from >>483895, except the carpenters have only the wood they got from the spelling bee portion to work with. More wood means they can build stronger items.

Chop 2013/01/22(Tue)00:46 No. 486853 ID: c4e5c2
File 135884437565.png - (106.98KB , 700x700 , 260.png )

CHOP is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT DISAGREEMENT at this MORE THAN ZERO PERCENT CHANCE OF A TIE. CHOP shall have the CONTEST COMMITTEE REMEDY THIS ERROR.

BRAIN TRAINING continues throughout the day! Upon the next, PUNY MESSENGER brings a NEW MESSAGE.


>In the case of a tie, the mage committee has proposed a tie breaking event. They will split off the mage caverns in two, and each team will spend one day cleaning it as much as they can. At the end, the mages will rate the improved cleanliness of each side, and declare a winner. They are also insisting that it is entirely coincidence that this event just so happens to involve labor to better the state of their own location.

>>486853
Acceptable considering it would mean our team was not up to snuff and deserved some punishment.

Heeey...

Puny does water magic. That could give us an edge in a cleaning competition. And the others must know something about cleaning themselves up- since they aren't covered in sweat and coal dust (and/or burns) all the time.

This is acceptable. We must now train our pupils to win survive the coming competition.

The gauntlet has been laid out. In order to prevail we must push our pupils harder than usual without a care for how much their whining annoys Chop. We will begin by upping there normal 10 hour a day training regimen to 30 hours a day to make sure they are thoroughly prepared.

1/2 Chop 2013/01/23(Wed)21:39 No. 487243 ID: c4e5c2
File 135900596250.png - (111.19KB , 700x700 , 261.png )

CHOP finds this tie breaker to be ACCEPTABLE TERMS, as THERE SHOULD BE NO TIE.

"THE NEW SCHEDULE IS NOW POSTED." CHOP informs the WEAKLINGS.

NOT ONE COMPLAINT befalls CHOP'S HEARING. CHOP GATHERS ONE SHRED OF HOPE.

2/2 Chop 2013/01/23(Wed)21:39 No. 487244 ID: c4e5c2
File 135900598693.png - (146.80KB , 700x700 , 262.png )

WEEKS PASS, and the DAY BEFORE THE TRIAL ARRIVES. ALL STUDENTS LEAN OVER THEIR WIT'S END, but there remains 30 HOURS TO THIS DAY. Shall CHOP provide PITY AGAINST THEIR SHRIMP SIZED STAMINA, or shall CHOP CONTINUE DRILLING BRAINMEATS INTO THEM FOR MAXIMUM EFFORT?

They need to be well rested for the competition.

Rest unfortunately is needed for such puny things. Otherwise they might die.

Oh, shit. We skipped the training montage? Um... do any of them know how to read now? That's kind of important.

And yeah, they totally need to time to rest and prepare for battle. And to make themselves presentable. It won't help spending the last day making them better if they're too exhausted to apply that betterness.

>30 hours to this day
how long are days Chop? is there 60 hours in a single day? 54?
Sleep also shouldn't be optional, espeically in a mental competition it's quite neccesary for increasing stamina the quickest and helps everyone be more alert. We need to teach them POWER NAPS! One second naps randomly throughout the day! Fully energized for the next few minutes! Take another ONE SECOND NAP! MORE ENERGY! It's how you sleep right? WITH POWERFUL NAPS?

Everyone who wish to rest must submit their request in writing to show they have mastered the words

1/2 Chop 2013/01/23(Wed)22:18 No. 487261 ID: c4e5c2
File 135900831808.png - (78.46KB , 700x571 , 263.png )

>How long are days?
HOWEVER LONG CHOP SAYS.

>Skipped the training montage
CHOP FEELS HE HAS MISSED LITTLE. CHOP is 1% FILLED WITH HOPE THAT THEY ARE 10% FILLED WITH WORDS.

"NEW TRAINING SCHEDULE. SLEEP AND BE RESTED FOR TOMORROW'S BATTLE."

The OWNERS OF SICK, ASTHMATIC KITTEN STAMINA collapses upon the DOJO FLOOR. This gains the ATTENTIONS of STASRUBIS.

2/2 Chop 2013/01/23(Wed)22:19 No. 487262 ID: c4e5c2
File 135900834760.png - (76.07KB , 700x571 , 264.png )

CHOP shall not judge STASRUBIS'S TASTE FOR THE PUNY.

Please choose a character to follow through the contest:
BEDHUGGER
PRINCESS
PUNYLOCKS
PUNCHINGBAG
KISSY FACE ONE
KISSY FACE TWO

Punylocks

PUNYLOCKS!

Punchingbag.

punchingbag

Bedhugger!

Punylocks!

Punylocks

Bedhugger.

Punylocks!

Punylocks

Punchingbag!

Punchingbag.

Kissy face two!

PUNYLOCKS

Punylocks.

2/4 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)10:10 No. 487372 ID: c4e5c2
File 135905103169.png - (91.25KB , 700x700 , 266.png )

>"CHOP DECLARES IT TIME TO RISE AND FIGHT."
"Ahhh?!"

3/4 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)10:11 No. 487374 ID: c4e5c2
File 135905109204.png - (178.05KB , 1100x700 , 267.png )

>"PUNY RECRUITS SHALL BEHOLD THE ENEMIES AND THE JUDGES. THE TIME FOR CONTEST IS NOW. THE RULES WILL NOW BE DECLARED."

>"Okay. The carpenters made their objects." the taller kobold behind the table says. "Each of you six will each choose one object to destroy. You can choose who goes to what, but you can't all move from one object to another even if you destroy it early. You have two minutes, at which point we decide whether the object is destroyed or not. If three objects are destroyed, it's a tie. Any more, Chop gets the win, and any less, Thilki gets the win."

4/4 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)10:11 No. 487375 ID: c4e5c2
File 135905110479.png - (123.93KB , 700x700 , 268.png )

I'm barely awake, I must have passed out for the whole 30... 24 hours. The objects are shown to us. There are three doors, one bad one, a decent one and a good... one? The last one looks like it could be a box. Then there is a decent table, a fragile looking grandfather clock, and a plain chair.

>"I got the shitty door." Punchingbag says right away.

Surely that grandfather's clock can't be especially damage-resistant, right?
...right?

>>487372
Man, Punylocks Lumei has the best eyes.

>>487375
Hmm. Even if the grandfather clock is a fakeout (tougher than it looks), you'd think the delicate clockwork could be damaged by water magic. And if the object can't work as it's intended (as a clock) it's destroyed, right? (By similar logical- doors that can't open and close, a table that can't be used as a table, and a chair that cannot be sat upon should count as destroyed).

Now... if we looking at the old stats (and hope they're still roughly relevant)

>>/questarch/362067
>>/questarch/362212
>>/questarch/362276
>>/questarch/362315

Bedhugger has the highest str, so should go after the sturdiest looking thing. Kissy face two is the weakest and should go after the most fragile thing. The remaining 4 have identical str. Kiss face one is the toughest though, so should go after whatever looks like it might take a while to break.

The good door seems like a lost cause, get Kissy Face Two to go after it.
Water magic will help weaken the wood, so Bedhugger and Lumei are probably about even for destroying things. Lumei on the decent door, Bedhugger on the decent table, Kissy Face One on the chair, and Princess on the grandfather clock.

>>487381

Yeah, only need three items, so might as well pair the weakest of our pupils with the strongest of the items.

1/3 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)14:49 No. 487421 ID: c4e5c2
File 135906774282.png - (70.89KB , 700x700 , 269.png )

"Okay, then... how about I go for the decent looking door, Bedhug - I mean, Klabis, on the decent table, Dasrin on the chair, Sheemus on the grandfather clock, and Teegis on the sturdy door.
>"IIII don't think I can break that thing." Kissy Face 2, that is, Teegis says.
"That's fine, we only need to break 4 items to win."
>"True."

I ask if that's alright with everyone, and they confirm. No one complains about Punchingbag claiming one right away even though it's supposed to be a team effort.

2/4 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)14:49 No. 487422 ID: c4e5c2
File 135906777423.png - (109.16KB , 700x700 , 270.png )

Once we get in place, the timer starts, and I start casting some water magic to weaken the wood. I look over to how Princess is doing on the Grandfather clock, because I'm curious if it is way more sturdy than it looks.

CRUNCH
SPROINGOING

Apparently not, it broke on the first punch!

4/4 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)14:50 No. 487424 ID: c4e5c2
File 135906780356.png - (53.05KB , 700x700 , 272.png )

.... I hope Princess doesn't feel bad. I think I would.

I think she's probably crying because her fist is now full of glass. Unless all glass is now wood.
That must have been some thin glass, sugar glass or something.

>>487425
Nah, that's not it. Punching glass can't be worse than punching rocks! Or coals!

Don't feel bad Princess! If they made that one in just a few hours, they can make another! Besides, if there's one thing 'bolds have plenty of, it's grandfather's clocks! (That's what the Oremor Trail taught us, right?)

>>487425
No the one crying is one of the carpenter bolds. I assume they're the one who made the clock.

1/2 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)15:13 No. 487435 ID: c4e5c2
File 135906920275.png - (62.20KB , 700x700 , 273.png )

>I think she's probably crying because her fist is now full of glass.
Oh, no. I mean, that would and does suck, but that's not her. That tear was from one of the carpenter's pupils, I guess the one who made the grandfather clock.

We do have an oddly high number of grandfather clocks, but he sure does look like he's taking this personally.

2/2 Lumei 2013/01/24(Thu)15:13 No. 487436 ID: c4e5c2
File 135906921239.png - (67.09KB , 700x700 , 274.png )

I should probably worry about how to go about destroying this door, though, since it's about as wet as I can get it.

>>487432
...oh. Oh, you're right. I guess they weren't told they were building things to be destroyed?

>>487436
Open the door, and then try to snap one of the upright portions of the frame. That's the easiest way to destroy it.

Well, you used your magic and don't have any special moves when I remember correctly... so, punching and kicking will do it. if it's anchored somehow, you could try running against it (with a defty shoulder-push at the end, not face first)...
otherwise kicking might be stronger than punching...

If you get it wet enough the wood might swell up and make it unable to be opened. Maybe.

>>487438
well. if this counts as destroyed, yes, try that first^^

Doors have hinges right? Break those!

Or if you want to go for the more total destruction aspect. Punch wildly at random at the door while saying some form of battle cry like "doooOra ora ora ora..." or the like.

>>487436
You can step into it then push out against the frame. OR BE A MAN AND JUST PUNCH THROUGH IT RRRRRRRGHHHH

First, push the door and frame over, so your kicks and punches aren't weakened by it tipping back and forth or falling over.

Once it's down, open the door so the frame is at right angles to it, climb in and kick the corners out of the frame, followed by kicking the top and bottom frame pieces out. Grab a frame piece to use as a club, then drag the door over to lean against a rock at an angle; If there are no convenient rocks, stack the remaining frame pieces up under one end instead.

Aim to break the doorknob and lock off first, since that's the weakest part. Jam the frame-club in between the hinge frame and the door and lever to break it free from the hinges. Then, if you still have time, club, kick and jump on the door at its midpoint to try and break it in half.

>>487435
Awww... Maybe to make up for this Chop could commission him to make alarm clocks for his pupils so they'll always be on time.

>>487457
Alarm clocks that will beat them when they don't get up before the "alarm" raised...
Sad that there aren't any coals being hot all the time in that context...

Open the door and break the frame like other have suggested. Then take the door itself and lean the top against the wall and leave the bottom on the floor at an incline then start jumping up and down on it hopefully you're weight will be too much for the moistened wood.

>>487501
does this door actually has a frame? maybe it just has an optic like that but is actually a door, which means the part that will be hinged up... in that case leaning it down and kicking against the optic-frame horizontally might break that at least...

That door looks heavy, if you have the strength pick up that door clamber up on the judge table then jump up and slam that door to the ground. Hopefully it's weight combined with your doorslam will be enough to break it.

If you can do this be sure to come up and scream the name of this move while performing it, so that it can be forever recorded in the annals of the dojo!

Lumei 2013/01/25(Fri)07:27 No. 487513 ID: c4e5c2
File 135912764676.png - (123.66KB , 700x700 , 275.png )

>Break the hinges
>Jump off the judge table

I'll open the door and have it face down, and I guess body slam it from the top and hope it breaks the door off the hinges? It's kind of awkward, but if I can pull it off, then that should work pretty well!

>Scream the name of this move
What IS the name of this move?

>>487513
Body SLAM!

Huh. That door is smaller than I thought it was.

>>487514
Don't you mean... door slam?

Luigi.

Wet-door-drop
Pyramid of power
Fuck doors
Illiterate vengeance
Great-dragon-slam

"YOUR MOTHER WAS UNHINGED AND YOUR FATHER CAME FROM SEVERAL TREES!"

The people's elbow.

>>487513
How about...
Do it fast! there is a 2min time-limit! that was at least 1 min wetting and climbing the desk!

>>487424
Ouch, psychological warfare, that's nasty.
Anyway do the move and why don't you call it Kobold Kick!

If you can pick up the door that easily why don't you hold on to one end of the frame and swing it at the wall? Be careful not to close the door on your fingers though. For that matter why don't you flip the frame door side down, stand on the frame and push up? you should be able to break it with no problems that way. Your legs are the strongest muscles you have, use them. Showing off is good and all but I want to win. can you imagine the scowl Chop will give you if you lose? then again he will likely give you the same scowl when you win...

Door slam is best name

Have to vote for Door Slam.

Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)08:52 No. 487991 ID: c4e5c2
File 135930556714.png - (85.36KB , 700x700 , 276.png )

"DOOR SLA-OW"

The door... was sturdier than I thought. It feels like I just bellyflopped the ground, but it broke.

Are you injured? More importantly, is the door broke enough? (If it's not, pick up the frame and start smashing it against something).

Now the frame. Brace it against the wall and kick at the middle part if you can, that'll have the most give. Hopefully the water will make the wood at least a bit soggy so it'll be easier to bend, and subsequently to break.

Smashy smashy! Are there any written text in the dojo though? If Chop can read and write has he written anything down like training methods or combat manuals?

1/4 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)10:19 No. 488015 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931078734.png - (68.87KB , 700x700 , 277.png )

>Are there any written text in the dojo though?
There are, but we're not good enough to read them and get much out of it yet. They don't have any draconic texts, so even I can't read anything.

I prop the frame on the desk and start jumping on it until it snaps.

>"Time." one judge says. "Please get off our table, miss."

2/4 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)10:20 No. 488016 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931083348.png - (35.19KB , 700x700 , 278.png )

After a minute or so of their talking, they start telling us their decisions one at a time.

>"Door one, Punchinbag. Not broken."
>"Bullcrap! Whoeever made this made this with splinterwood!"
>"That is legal. It is a terrible door, but it is still a door. Door 2, Punylocks. Sufficiently broken. Door 3, Kissy Face 2. Very much intact."

3/4 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)10:21 No. 488017 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931085994.png - (49.28KB , 700x700 , 279.png )

>"Table, Bedhugger. Broken. Kissy Face 1, Chair, also broken. Grandfather Clock, Princess."

4/4 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)10:21 No. 488018 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931087706.png - (73.37KB , 700x700 , 280.png )

>"Annihilated."

>>488018
daaw...
Is that princess hugging the builder? or some other random 'bold?^^ I can't really tell them all apart when they come in single images^^
Keep in Mind the idea of getting an alarm-clock! I'm kind of impressed for them to make a working clock anyway... although as it's a carpenter, he/she probably just build the frame, getting the clockwork somewhere else...

>>488019
I think that is princess hugging the builder.

Well, alright. That exercise in pain and mental trauma is over. 1-0 dojo-ers to carpenters. On to the next event?

Hmmm I see another baby that needs to be polymorphed into a man. Crying because his clock got punched and broken? Then he should go and make a clock that punches and breaks back!

Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)11:04 No. 488035 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931344642.png - (91.77KB , 700x700 , 281.png )

>They are hard to tell apart
... they really are. But that is Princess hugging the one who made the grandfather clock. I'll ask chop to get him to make us alarm clocks, because it really was a nice looking clock.

>As it's a carpenter, he/she probably just build the frame, getting the clockwork somewhere else...
That's most likely, especially since this was supposedly built in just an hour or two, I'm impressed the frame itself looked as good as it did.

We move on to the next event.

>"Event two." the judge says. "The carpenter versus chop. Nothing fancy, first one to forfeit loses. 1, 2, 3, start."

Chop just stands there when the carpenter throws a punch. He just stands there after the punch, too. I still do not understand, but I have no surprise left.

>"Forfeit." the carpenter then says.
>"Uh..." a judge starts to ask.
>"I just wanted to punch him in the face. We'll win the spelling bee, and I'm pretty damn sure my guys are better at cleaning up mage goo than those brutes."
>"Ok...ay then. Spelling bee time. In the interest of, uh, to quote, "UNDENIABLE FAIR PERCENTAGES", teams will actually be given the same words in private so they can't hear the other team say the right spelling. But words will still be given to one person on a team one after the other, and words will become increasingly harder quickly because, let me be honest, none of us want to be here all day listening to people spell out three letter words. So the last person on each team is going to get harder words than the first. If there are any questions, ask, if not, please discuss amongst yourselves to set up an order."

So your off-camera training montage did include the alphabet I hope? All of it?

Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)11:28 No. 488043 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931492185.png - (67.35KB , 700x700 , 282.png )

>So your off-camera training montage did include the alphabet I hope? All of it?
Oh, yes, we all at least know the alphabet now, and know at least a small amount of words. I think I'm decent, the fact I know how to read at write in at least one other language already helped. Kissy Face 1 is also pretty good, I think.

Punchingbag is saying that he is one of the better spellers, so he should go... first? He is being especially non cooperative lately.

Dang. The stat sheets don't include smarts, or intelligence or anything. Strength Agility and Toughness don't tell us who's gonna be a good speller.

Yeah, let punching bag go first. If you and Kissy face one are the best spellers, you guys should go last. No idea what order the others should go in.

Wait, do we still have punishments for getting answers wrong?
Are there any punishments for the team losing or rewards for the team winning at all?

Punching bag is thinking ahead! They will probably ask more than 6 words and since they get harder he will start the new round of words instead of our worst speller, pretty clever.

But still he should have shared his plan with you, ask him if he is alright.

He did seem to jump at the opportunity to take what he thought was the easy door quickly. He probably doesn't trust that other people have his best interests in mind. Because of Chop. Enough falling on his face should fix that, as long as there is someone there to pick him up after.

>>488043
The first speller gets the easiest word to spell. If that's his logic, then he should go last.

>>488059
Well yes. But if he's got the basic logic completely backwards, I don't think we should trust his spelling skills. Let him go first.

Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)12:19 No. 488062 ID: c4e5c2
File 135931796092.png - (101.90KB , 700x700 , 283.png )

>Are there any punishments for the team losing or rewards for the team winning at all?
I don't think so, at least not for the judges. I don't know what Chop or the carpenter would do to punish or reward for a loss or win. Speaking of which, Chop starts leaving.
>"CHOP SHALL RETURN SHORTLY WITH EXPECTATIONS THAT HIS PUPILS SHALL NOT BE ELIMINATED."

>They will probably ask more than 6 words and since they get harder he will start the new round of words instead of our worst speller, pretty clever.
... Yes, it is very nice of him.

"Okay, punching bag, go ahead. I'll go later, same with Dasrin, he's pretty good."
>"I don't think I'm bad, so maybe I'll go 4th?" Princess asks."
"Sure."

Bedhugger will go second and Kissy Face 2 - er, Klabis and Teegis - will go 2nd and 3rd, then Princess 4th, Dasrin 5th, and me last.

We get set up in anti sound bubbles so we can't hear the other team, and so we start.

>"Hat. You put a hat on your head. Hat." the judges say to the other team and to Punchingbag.

.... he already looks stumped.

Oh shit. I hope this is done by number of words each team gets right, and not losing as soon as we get one word wrong.

The correct spell is, of course, H A T. But we can't exactly tell him without cheating. ...and even if we were willing to cheat, I have no idea how to do it without being caught.

Say, what are the rules on interaction? None at all or no vocal interaction?
...Would we be disqualified for showing him the correct spelling with letter pyramids?

Pretend to sneeze slowly! HHHHH....AAAAA....TTTT..tsuuh

>>488062
No cheating!

if the rule is only "no talking" you can do those letter stretches chop had you do.

1/2 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)13:31 No. 488081 ID: c4e5c2
File 135932227766.png - (41.93KB , 564x614 , 284.png )

"Excuse me, what are the rules on interacting? Are we allowed to make letter pyramids?"
>"As amusing as that sounds, no. No interaction at all."

Well... no cheating, then, I don't think I can do it and get away with it.

"How is elimination formed, by the way? Is this just to see who gets the most words right?"
>"I guess you could think of it like that, but in actuality it's just until one team gets entirely eliminated. If neither team gets a word right, though, no one will be eliminated. I guess we should've explained that part already."

2/2 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)13:31 No. 488082 ID: c4e5c2
File 135932229945.png - (72.42KB , 700x700 , 285.png )

>"CHOP HAS RETURNED."

>"HAT. H-A-T. HAT." Punchingbag yells out.

>>488082
Truly that will separate the babies from the men

>>488082
He wanted to do well in front of Chop, I think.

(also that's correct)

Mother of God.

>>488082
So part of his latest free-time-hobby was running around, catching bees in a barrel? or did he do that just now?

He was losing on purpose! Jerk. At least Chop came through with proper motivation... uh, gulp. Better hope we don't lose. Or at least, that you get your word right.

Hey... that proves punchingbag can read, too. Since, you know, he reacted properly to what the barrel says.

>>488062
Remind him to sound it out, thats not cheating and will help since hat in phonetic.

1/2 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)15:25 No. 488140 ID: c4e5c2
File 135932913713.png - (77.23KB , 900x600 , 286.png )

>So part of his latest free-time-hobby was running around, catching bees in a barrel? or did he do that just now?
I... don't know.

"Remember to sound it out, punchingbag, and... everyone."

The next word is cat. Then horse. Then dragon. Sheemus doesn't really know how that one goes, it doesn't look like.

The other guy, since... apparently we weren't separated by rooms, sees her struggling and Chop shaking the barrel of bees, and the enemy yells something out before princess tries.

"Uh... Dragon... D-R-A-G.... I? N? Dragon?"
>"Wrong." The judge says. "But the other guy spelled out 'Durgin' and we can't stop laughing at him. You get to stay."

2/2 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)15:26 No. 488141 ID: c4e5c2
File 135932916657.png - (74.22KB , 700x700 , 287.png )

The next word is 'Classical'. Dasrin somehow gets it right.

>"Okay, next word, for Punylocks and Tinyhammer..." the judge says. "Uh... I guess it's pronounced 'sill-tier'. Maybe 'sill-tee-air'."

CHOP IS GREATEST INSTRUCTOR

Ask for it to be used in a sentence.

>>488143
This.

Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)15:34 No. 488146 ID: c4e5c2
File 135932969328.png - (36.15KB , 700x700 , 288.png )

"Could you use it in a sentence."
>"Hey, wake up."
>"Wha..."
>"This is your word? Use it in a sentence."
>"Oh, er... the sand around here is silty, but the nearest allied lands have even sill-tee-er sand."

S-I-L-T-I-E-R

S-i-l-t-i-e-r

s-i-l-t-i-e-r

>>488141
Oh gods, his hand is quivering to release those bees. Good thing you know this one.

1/2 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)16:08 No. 488162 ID: c4e5c2
File 135933171134.png - (110.52KB , 700x444 , 289.png )

"S-I-L-T-I-E-R"

>"Tinyhammer got it too. Okay, back to Punchingbag and Frailhands. Wait a second... hold on, judge huddle time."

They take a moment, and none of us like it.

>"Change of rules. The whole 'no one is eliminated if both people get it wrong' will only apply if there is one person left on each team. Otherwise, both will be eliminated if they get it wrong. Next word is Glyph."
>"... Glif?"
>"No. Both sides please step out of the bubble."
>"I don't... want to." Punchingbag says.
>"Do it or your whole team is eliminated."
>"Damnit all."

>"... Glyph again, next person gets another guess."
>"Gliff."
Klabis and the other person gets eliminated.

>"Yeah this is going better. Glyph."
>"... Gliph."
There goes Teegis and the other.

>"Same stuff. Glyph."
>".... G-l-y-p-h...?" Princess says, clearly not confident.
>"Wow there we go. That's it.
>"Seriously?!" the enemy side got it right this time as well, so we're evenly matched.

2/2 Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)16:09 No. 488163 ID: c4e5c2
File 135933176599.png - (58.46KB , 700x700 , 290.png )

>"Next word... Passion."
>"Uh... p-a-s-s-i-o-n." Dasrin says.
>"Good job, both teams. Next word... 'liver worst'"
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
>"We eat it."

>>488163
l-i-v-e-r-w-u-r-s-t

Using foreign words seems unfair to both teams though.

this is a tricky one...
l-i-v-e-r-w-u-r-s-t

l-i-v-e-r-w-u-r-s-t

L-I-V-E-R-W-U-R-S-T

Lumei 2013/01/27(Sun)16:36 No. 488170 ID: c4e5c2
File 135933339809.png - (104.57KB , 700x700 , 291.png )

"L-i-v-e-r-w-u-r-s-t."
>"Alright, both teams got that too. Round 3... 'Acknowledgement'"
>"Wh.... a-k...n-o-h-l...i...j...m-i.... er... m-i-n-t?"
>"No, Aknohlijmimint is incorrect, though if it were who did better, then I'd call that a win over 'Ahkgnawllegermehnte. Next word, physique."
>"Um...." Dasrin starts. "F...p..."
>"No. Okay, one person left on each team. The winner is the first one to get it right while the other gets it wrong. The word is: floor recint."

f-l-u-o-r-e-s-c-e-n-t

>>488170
They probably mean f-l-u-o-r-e-s-c-e-n-t, but try to get it in a sentence.

f-l-u-o-r-e-s-c-e-n-t

Where would one even get fluorescent lightbulbs in this day, age and setting?
Damn, if it wasn't first to be correct gets the win then I'd ask you to use it in a sentence, because that word shouldn't probably be even invented yet.
If you tie exactly down to the right second, I'm half expecting the next word to be a pair, and it's Tesla Coil.

>>488176
Fluorescent minerals and even plants have been acknowledged for quite some time. The term derives from fluorite which is renown for that light-absorbing quality.

-The more you know.-

>>488203
mmm... that was around 1852 in this dimension...
grandfather clocks were invented in 1650 or so (galileo)... don't know about that...
But what else? some floor-acid? not really useful... so, another note for
f-l-u-o-r-e-s-c-e-n-t

clearly it's about the recent floor. f-l-o-o-r r-e-c-e-n-t

>>488225
No! You fool, you've doomed us all!

I don't think fluorescent was even a thing back in this time period... Ask for it to be used in a sentence. This seems like a trick.
>>488176
Its not "the first to get it right wins". Its the first to get it right while the other is wrong. We have plenty of time.

Lumei 2013/01/28(Mon)12:00 No. 488370 ID: c4e5c2
File 135940320617.png - (48.47KB , 700x700 , 292.png )

"A sentence?"
>"The wizard casts fluorescent lighting."
"F-l-u-o-r-e-s-c-e-n-t."
>".... we're kind of impressed. Okay. 'Tope.' The cave is 'tope.'"

Oh, is that to us again? Oh right, you're the only one left.

If he means the color, "tope" is spelled T-A-U-P-E.

Lumei 2013/01/28(Mon)12:22 No. 488375 ID: c4e5c2
File 135940457076.png - (65.19KB , 700x700 , 293.png )

"T-a-u-p-e."
>"3 weeks, really?"
"Well, I do know draconic."
>"Other guy might just know how to read. Next word. 'Cawn-traw-dans'.

Huh.. Could we get that in a sentence at all?

The french folk dance? c-o-n-t-r-e-d-a-n-s-e

This one is tricky because technically it can be spelled c-o-n-t-r-a-d-a-n-c-e or c-o-n-t-r-e-d-a-n-c-e and it is still correct.

How do kobolds know about Napoleonic-era ballroom dancing?

>>488375
you mean the folk dance? C-O-N-T-R-A-D-A-N-C-E
and it is not Napoleonic per se, unless you insist on the floofy french spellings.

Sentence?

Uh... without context I think that's contredanse? It can also be spelled contradance, but my dictionary says that's the variant spelling. (Tricky! Giving us a word with two spellings so no matter what we chose we can be deemed wrong! >:| )

Lumei 2013/01/28(Mon)12:43 No. 488385 ID: c4e5c2
File 135940581970.png - (46.63KB , 700x700 , 294.png )

"A sentence, please?"
>"Dunno."
"What?"
>"We didn't come up with the word. Didn't really think anyone would get this far."
"... is there multiple spellings?"
>"No."
"I'm pretty sure there might be-"
>"I'm looking at the correct answer right here. Not answers. Answer."
"C-o-n-t-r-a-d-a-n-c-e."
>"............... next word. 'Bare-dee-ell-ah. No sentence."

B-a-i-r-d-i-e-l-l-a

It's the scientific name of a family of fish from the long-forgotten land of America.

>>488385
Hang on, if the judges didn't come up with the word, who did?

Also I am completely mystified.

>>488389
Probably the mages.

B-a-i-r-d-i-e-l-l-a is probably it. That was actually my first guess at the spelling, and I didn't even know it was a word.

B-a-i-r because B-a-r-e is too obvious.
d-i-e-l-l-a because that's the best way to get an "ee ella" sound, and because e-l-l-a is a common ending for words.

Lumei 2013/01/28(Mon)13:00 No. 488395 ID: c4e5c2
File 135940683303.png - (60.03KB , 700x700 , 295.png )

"B-a-i-r-d-i-e-l-l-a. It's a kind of fish."
>"... gonna be here all day. Next word... er.... shoot."

They start muttering to themselves and writing stuff down."

>"Next word is "Pence-ah-wom-roll."
"..... a sentence, please."
>"Alright. 'Pence-ah-wom-roll. We ran out of words, so we pulled a pence-a-wom-roll out of our asses. Pence-ah-wom-roll.'"

>>488395
I think they just made up something. Ask that it be declared a tie instead of having to spell up a fake word.

Did you even just write it down? Or is it best answer is the winner, fuck it what's right?

Pensawahmroehl
A draconic pastry.