Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)07:43 No. 431233 ID: b3ca75
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It’s another glorious dawn, a whole new day for ADVENTURE, SCIENCE and APPRECIATE FINE ART! You really needed a good night sleep (nightmares now withstanding, stupid clown) and you can really feel the trauma from yesterday seeping away into your subconscious and disappearing. You feel like you could just lie here all day.

+1 sanity

Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)07:43 No. 431234 ID: b3ca75
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“Dwarf:LALI HO!”
HOLY BATMAN ON A POGOSTICK!

Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)07:44 No. 431235 ID: b3ca75
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“Dwarf: Thou are in luck, lad! We have a lot of initiates at the moment and all our rat defeating /defending contracts are already taken so we decided to give thee a real contract that thou should show thy skills on. Thou should not worry thought, as thou will not be alone. Thou ask what thy contract is? Why thou can choose from these three!”

“Bandit raid”
-Defeat the bandits that plague the northern trade route. (Because the city guard are lazy bastards!)

“Magic nexus”
-Find the newly opened magical nexus and do some tests on it. FOR SCIENCE!

“Lost Relic”
-An old precursor relic has been stolen. Get it back before someone sells it on ebay!

“Dwarf: but choose wisely, as thy life may depend on it.”

Insert command_

Oh god while the other two sound interesting who could resist the lure of SCIENCE? Not I.

We don't have to depart immediately, do we? If possible, you'd like to explore town prepare at the shops first.

Finally, someone acknowledges that intelligent study of magic is, for all intents and purpose, science (in universes where it works). Do this. You're a reality warper magic vessel something. There's no way an unstable magic nexus can't be good for you.

>Thou will not be alone.
Who's our companion?

Bandits!
That's a good lv 2 quest

>>431237
For science

Lost relic! Lost relic! Ancient artifacts are always good fun.

Magic and science!

Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)13:57 No. 431299 ID: b3ca75
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-Mercenary guild, corridors-
> someone aknowledges that intelligent study of magic is, for all intents and purpose, science
Any Sufficiently Analyzed Magic is indistinguishable from SCIENCE!
> If possible, you'd like to explore town prepare at the shops first.
“Dwarf: Of course, lad, we won’t send thee to your dea- quest without letting thou get suitable gear first.”
>SCIENCE!
“Dwarf: a fine choice, who wouldn’t want to die surrounded by a high intensity of wild magic? Oh, and ignore these lads. They are the red shirts and will be killed off soon enough.”

“Redshirts: HUZZAH!”
“Redshirt: The F stands for cannon fodder. :D”

Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)13:57 No. 431301 ID: b3ca75
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-Mercenary guild, Great hall-
>Who's our companion?
“Dwarf: three other initiates will fallow thou on your quest, that way we can kill ye lads off faster than sending thou off solo. Speak of the devils, thou seem to be the last one here. These lads here will be thy companions on thy quest, so thou should learn to know them well. The only thing left is to wait for our employer, the wizard academy, to arrive and disclose the last off the details of this contract. So, lad, thou should relax a bit while we wait.

“Red Woman: …so I threw a rock at him!”
“Blue Dwarf: a rock?”
“Red Women: well… it was a very big rock…”

Search the wood piles for loot then lets go talk to the chatty ones. Bring up the decor of this room as an opening topic. Then ask why they choose the magic anomaly. It will give us insight to them. Ignore the other lizard for now, he doesn't seem our type.

Forget the decor. There's another lizard person here. I don't even care what his or her gender is, we've finally got you a potential romantic partner. So up and start talking to 'em. Maybe we can take them to the dairy queen? Split that lizard wizard blizzard we've been looking forward too.

We'll get to the smelly ape and shorter hairier ape once when we're good and ready.

Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)17:21 No. 431343 ID: b3ca75
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>Search the wood piles for loot
The only thing you find is a crappy pun that would offend a lot of non-British people.
>Lizard gender
That’s clearly a dude, I mean, just smell the lizard hormones in the air. Smells like coffee.
>potential romantic partner
I-I can’t just walk up to him and ask him out to d-dairy queen, can I? I mean, what if he d-doesn’t like m-me? And the only experience I have with flirting is a creep that kept looking at my ass and wanted me to call him daddy. Wait… I don’t even know this guy! I can’t just start getting romantic with him because he’s the first lizard I meet! He also seems to avoid eye contact with me…

“Red Woman: Then I got him in a fabulous half nelson”
“Blue Dwarf: so the whole date was ruined, eh?
“Red Women: what? No, it was Cleary the best date ever, ja?

Kaktus 2012/07/11(Wed)17:22 No. 431344 ID: b3ca75
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>Talk to smelly ape and shorter hairier ape, Bring up the decor of this room
“Red woman: why yes, darling, that carpet is really fabulous! It does really bring the room together in a balanced spectrum of colors, ja? Oh, how rude of me, I’m Hans, and this is my dwarven friend Helga.
“Blue dwarf Helga: Ach, lassie, I’m sorry being rude but you really need a manicure! Just look as those claws, all dented and discolored…
>Then ask why they choose the magic anomaly
“Red woman Hans: Well, just between you and me, darling, I heard there this ferocious band of goblins guarding it and I always wanted to crack some goblin skulls. I heard the sound they make when they break is FABOLOUS, ja?
“Helga: well, lassie, seeing an untapped magical nexus is a one in a life time experience and I wouldn’t want to pass up a chance like this to see one.

>smell the lizard hormones in the air
-driver for smellscreen3000 not found-

Okay, look, you don't have to be that forward with the lizard dude. You don't have to ask him out right away. You don't even need to actively flirt. Just chat him up a little. Introduce yourself. I think he's avoiding eye contact because he likes you. I mean look, I think he's even blushing now! (Right through his helm, somehow).

Are they mages?

better ask them what they can do. and who that yellow creep over there is.

Well don't just IGNORE the lizard dude. Go say hello.

Bite the lizard dude on the nose. Do it. You know you want to.

I'm still not clear on how we can have an ADVENTURE without an ancient artifact, but SCIENCE it is...

Take your party out and go clubbing in order to get to know eachother better before you have to risk life and limb on an epic quest.

Or otherwise just get to know them better. Develop trust and stuff. Yes... trust... mweh heh heh...

Gobos? At last, enemies with eyes. We can blind them with telekinesis tacks and our new buddies can break their heads while they're helpless. Pop-pop CRACK. Heheh.

>>431410

Don't bite him unless this a perfectly normal thing for lizardfolk to do when greeting one another, or meeting for the first time. Or a perfectly normal thing a particularly forward lizardfolk might try in an attempt at seduction.

...and we should probably go shopping before we risk losing money clubbing. Not that there's a good place to go clubbing, with the pub closed. :/

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)05:07 No. 431495 ID: b3ca75
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>better ask them what they can do
“Helga: I’m a mighty fine rouge, myself, if you ever need someone with a dagger in the back just ask and we can talk prize. Hans on the other hand is a biomorphic mage and thus will be our healer this fine evening.”
“Hans: So if you ever start hurting just come to me, darling. Especially if you start bleeding, we don’t want to waste that delicious blood, ja?”
>who that yellow creep handsome fellow over there is
“Hans: The one in the plate armor? I do believe he said he was a newly graduated paladin looking for a place in life. What was his name… Kellogs,ja?”
“Helga: Kevros, lad, his name is Kevros. And he seems to have some self-esteem problem, if I could tell you the truth, lassie.
>We can blind them with telekinesis tacks and our new buddies can break their heads while they're helpless. Pop-pop CRACK. Heheh.
“Hans: What marvelous idea, darling, that exactly the kind creative thinking that I looking for in a teammate. We will have such a FABOLOUS time slaughtering goblins, ja?
“Helga: er…”

-Hans +1 Happiness-
-Hans +1 Loyalty-

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)05:07 No. 431496 ID: b3ca75
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>he likes you.
You really thin- I mean, why would I c-care? He’s a stranger, nothing else.
>Bite the lizard dude on the nose. Do it. You know you want to.
Must… resist… biting… must… make… good… first impression. Beside, you’re not the kind of lady that bites on the first date.
>I think he's even blushing now! (Right through his helm, somehow).
Cleary your graphic card are malfunctioning. You should try hiring a priest to exorcist the pizza elementals within it.
>Just chat him up a little. Introduce yourself.
Hi, I’m Lizbeth, mighty wizard! Who are you?
“Kevros: …“
What did you say
“Kevros: I-I’m Kevr-ros, m-miss. “
Come again?
“Kevros: I’m K-kevros, sir. I m-mean ma’am… madam… uh… miss… er… oh geez… “

Insert command_

hey, if he's got nothing better to do and our companions don't mind, he could come with!

>>431505
He already is.
Ask him if he is ready to INVESTIGATE some MAGIC.

See? He's nervous and intimidated by you. Do your best to be nice, reassure him, and make friends.

Then when we're done faffing with the npcs, it's shopping time.

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)09:40 No. 431526 ID: b3ca75
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>be nice, reassure him, and make friends.
Now, now, no need to be nervous, I don’t bite… much.
“Kevros: You do-“
And look, someone as big and strong as you hardly need to be nervous about someone like me.
“Kevros: err…”
After all, we are both lizard right? So stop worrying and enjoy yourself, right friend?
“Kevros: uh… O-of course, friend, let’s work together to finish this contract… and then maybe we could… uh…
>Ask him if he is ready to INVESTIGATE some MAGIC.
“Kevros: W-WHAT!? We just meet and your alrea- wait, you mean the contract? of course she does, stupid.um… Of course I’m ready to investigate your ma- THE magical nexus. For SCIENCE! And all that stuff… sorry.
>Then when we're done faffing with the npcs, it's shopping time.
Alright, time to hit the mall! You just got a feeling you forgot something…

“Red Dwarf Wizard: LALI HO! Make way for Archchancellor Ridcully of the wizard academy!”

Oh right, the mission briefing.


-Kevros +1 loyalty-
-Kevros +1 love-

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)09:40 No. 431527 ID: b3ca75
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“Archchancellor: Ladies and ge- um… Ladies, sorry we were late, we had to finish an article about pizza elementals for lustful Lali ho, but back to the matter at hand. As you all know we have located a new magical nexus in goblin territory. Your job is to find it and commence a thaumic experiment to calibrate the thaum wave length and blah blah blah blah blah blah SCIENCE! blah blah blah blah blah blah potentiality blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah quarck blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Scientifically sounding term blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Buy Lizard Wizard Blizzard at dairy queens today! blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and then you get paid.
Did everyone get that?”

“All:…”

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)09:40 No. 431528 ID: b3ca75
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“Archchancellor: sigh… follow the Map and magic compass that we give you. Press the button on this device when your reach your designation. “
“All: oh…”
“Archchancellor: Any questions?”

“Hans: do we get extra points for fabulously decapitating the goblins, ja?
“Archchancellor: Any real questions?”

is that dorf alright? he's drooling an awful lot. he might be having a seizure.

>-Kevros +1 love-
HELLS yes, lizard dating sim is a go. I mean, dang, lookit that blush now. Assuming you both make it through this mission alive, you should totally take him to the dairy queen. Nothing like discounted ice cream and romance after death, danger, and volatile magical experiments.

Do they have any useful information about the nexus? Like, is it associated with a particular element? Pushing through into our reality from a specific plane? Any sense of the power level? Or stability? I know we're going there to gather data, but you'd think the mages or the detection equipment that first noticed the nexus might get something at a distance.

(Also, as a reality warper, and possibly magic vessel thing you are totally obligated to try and tap into, harness, and/or absorb the power of this nexus. Don't tell them that though- they probably want it for themselves. Or they'll complain that'll interfere with the SCIENCE).

Will it take some time for to finish its measurements, or can we leave once we press the button?

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)11:12 No. 431535 ID: b3ca75
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>is that dorf alright? he's drooling an awful lot.
He’s a dorf, he’s probably just drunk.
>useful information about the nexus
“Archchancellor: A nexus is a concentration of pure neutral wild magic, thus it is not associated with any element nor does it seep from another world. The power level and stability is two of the thing we wish to find out about, the only thing we know is that there is a lot of magical energy coagulating there. “
> can we leave once we press the button?
”Blue Woman Wizard: The system is self-sustaining and has several defense mechanisms installed. It should be safe to leave as soon as you press the button. “

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)11:13 No. 431536 ID: b3ca75
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“Kavros: I-Isn’t this dangerous?
“Archchancellor: well, um… what do you say, dean?”
“Blue Women Dean: By my calculation there about 89% chance of horrible death while in the presence of the nexus, right Bursar?”
“Red Dwarfs Bursars: oh, yes, the nexus will probably skin you alive if you get to close but don’t fret, even if you die you will still give us a lot of information about SCIENCE!
“Dean: see, totally harmless.”
“Archchancellor: If you excuse us, we have a lot of drinking to do and so little time to do so. God luck.”
“Mercenary dwarf: huh, wa… oh, right! Congratulation on getting your first contract! Here’s 100 gold to equip yourself with, now get off my lawn… I mean guild house!

“Hans: well, time for shopping, ja? Where should we start, darling?”
- Ye old general shoppe - everything general you need-
- Blacksmith – Everything metal -
- Magic ‘r ‘us – Magic items ahoy! -
- Sten’s potion Imperium – Potions, lots and lots of potions -
- Dairy queen – Still got a coupon -

- You gain (100 + 10%) 110 gold -
- Your total gold is: 158 -

Not going for Lizbeth the Lesbian Lizard Wizard with a Blizzard (tm) for max alliteration AND rhyme scheme.... fail.

Time to make infinite money! Pass 10 gold to one of your allies, then have them give it back, if you get 11 gold back then you should try it with more money.

>>431537

I would have happily gone for it, but the only lesbian option we've seen to date has been Helga the dorf. And I mean really, a dwarven rogue at that, who doesn't even seem interested in killing things. That's just awful. We can do better than a small smelly hairy ape. We'll just need to find the lizard pally a belt of gender bending, or an amulet of change (or do it ourself, when our reality warping gets good enough). Then 'comfort' her, and help her get over her life altering situation. He's shy and push-around-able, and already likes us. It'll be fine.

(I am a horrible person without shame).

Do a quick run through of all the shops, list everything for sale. Then when we know what we want, we'll try to scam the shopkeeps or get discounts with your new illusion spell.

Can we lift the device with our telekinesis? If not we might want to get a cart or something so we can move it near the nexus without having to physically go there.

>>431539
That would probably just make our poor ceramic familiar explode.

First you need some SPF9001 sunscreen. That'll take care of any skin flaying problems the nexus may proffer.

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)12:20 No. 431545 ID: b3ca75
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>Time to make infinite money!
I can’t let you do that, dave…

>Can we lift the device with our telekinesis?
The device is the size of a remote. Helga has already pocketed it.

LIST OF YE SHOPS!

(G) = things you already got at least one of.

-Ye old general shoppe-
Food ration – 5g
Water skin – 2g
Rope – 2g
Flint ‘n steel – 2g
Bedroll – 2g
Backpack – 4g
Torch (G) – 3g
Lantern (G) – 14g
Lantern oil (G) – 2g
Tent – 15g
Flask (G) – 1g
First aid kit – 10g
Clothes (common) (G) – 10g
Clothes (Fine) – 50g
SPF9001 sunscreen – 1 BILLION DOLLARS!

- Blacksmith -
Dagger(G) – 10g
Sword, Axe, Mace – 20g
Bow – 10g
arrows x 10 – 1g
Leather carcass (+1 defense) – 20g
Chainmail (+2 defense) – 40g
Plate mail (+3 defense) – 60g
Helmet (+2 defense) – 40g

- Magic ‘r ‘us -
Magic robe (+1 defense) -100g
Magic rod (+2 damage /w magic)- 100g
Tiara of power (+2 damage /w magic, +2 defense) -200g
levitating boots (levitate) – 500g
Belt of gender changing – 1000g

- Sten’s potion Imperium -
Healing potion (G) – 10g
Mana potion (G) – 10g
Potion of heroism (+all stats for one combat) - 30g
potion of invisibility (last 50 turns, offensive action cancels) – 40g
Potion of gender changing (last 50 turns) (sold out)

- Dairy queen -
Lesbian Lizard wizard blizzard (sold out)
Frozen treats – 1g

Note: wizard can only wear cloth armor

>Belt of gender changing – 1000g
Okay, we officially have a new goal in life. Get rich enough to buy that, trick Kevros into wearing it, and then seduce Kevra during a Dairy Queen date. Then we will be Lizbeth the Lesbian Lizard Wizard with a Blizzard.

Buy:
-Magic Rod.
-Rope (always useful, especially with telekinesis)
-food
-bedroll
-water bottle
-mana potion

Sell:
-hatchet
-coffee beans
-dagger

Use illusion to make yourself as attractive as possible- flirt for discounts.

>>431547
I don't think the illusion thing would work; it currently makes a stationary illusion.
I do agree with the buy/sell list, except we should sell the lantern instead of the dagger. (We already have a torch, and we should have at least one non-magical method of attack.)

We should also buy a backpack to increase inventory size.

Man, why are we picking on poor Kevros now, just cause he was unfortunate to be born as a guy. Sexism much?

Rope and food and water are always necessary adventuring tools. As are other camp supplies.

As is the best armor and weapons money can buy.

MAGIC ROD. Hurk hurk hurk... No, really.

Here's an idea to get the SPF9001, Illusion the spot its on empty. Bring this to the attention of the clerk. When they are running around in a panic over the loss of their most expensive item let them frisk you for it. Once thats done take the sunscreen while they aren't looking then leave. Tada!

Of course if your caught you'll most likely be executed.

We might be able to convince shopkeepers that their goods are damaged sub/par with illusions and demand a small discount. Actually using them to steal seems suicidal. Shopkeeps always seem to have hyper murder powers.

>Sexism much?
We're in it for the alliteration and rhyming, honest. The casual cruelty and abuse is just a bonus.

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)15:26 No. 431603 ID: b3ca75
File 134213200310.png - (5.09KB , 1000x356 , 18.png )

>Illusions and stuff
The bigger stores have magical wards against this sort of things. You do on the other hand succeed in tricking the old general store owner that his goods are damage and you get a food ration for free (sweet).

> SPF9001.
Apparently, a dashing dwarf rogue was able to steal it from its forbidden vault before you should set your master plan in motion. This is absolutely not going to pop up again.

-You buy-
-Magic Rod – 100g
-Rope (10 meters) – 2g
-food ration (+1 free) – 5g
-bedroll – 2g
-water skin (3 days) – 2g
-mana potion – 10g
-Backpack – 4g
Total- 125g

You sell for 1/3 of price
-hatchet – 3g

Total money left: 36g

You have exceeded your normal ability to carry, luckily the item “backpack” let’s you carry on.

Kaktus 2012/07/12(Thu)15:26 No. 431604 ID: b3ca75
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“Helga: If everyone is done shopping we can begin thinking about the contract. I’ve studied the map the wizards gave us and I have found a few different paths we can take to get to the nexus.
We can either charge straight through goblin territory, which would be the shortest route but the most combat heavy as the goblins will not let us pass without a fight.”

“Hans: Well, that clearly gets my vote, ja? We could on the way to the nexus stick some goblin heads on some spears and have a nice old fashion goblin barbeque. It would be a FABULOUS picnic with the screaming and the crying, ja?”

“Helga: Or we can skim around the goblin territory, avoid most of their patrols in the process. This way is longer though and we will probably see a lot more traps here as it is their natural hunting ground. I personally vote for this alternative. “

“Helga: The last alternative is to take the back door, so to speak. There are a lot of smaller caves and corridors that are mostly uncharted and empty right behind the nexus. Thus it would be possible to go from the main trade route directly to the nexus without ever touching goblin territory. This is a major detour and will probably net us a whole day extra out in the field.”

“Kevros: N-no fighting? I would say it is a lot better to sacrifice a day then to recklessly endanger our lives, s-so I vote for the b-back door… if thats okey with you guys... “

It seems like you’re the tie breaker.
Choose an option_

it's picnic time.

Some paladin, I'm seriously wondering about your taste in men.. hopefully your taste in women is better.

I vote picnic in goblin land, we need to level up and nothing does that like killing an entire village of goblins.

Coddling him would make him like you, but probably make the sexy MALE lizard pretty pansy in the long run.

Give a rousing and inspiring speech about unity, and Passion (capital P), and overcoming adversity to inspire your comrades.

Go for option D. The most effective use of time and resources to bash through goblins, skirt danger, and triumph over traps.

What's epic fantasy without epic EVERYTHING?

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing in secrecy. I vote the dwarf's route.

Okay, we need to see some combat here. I was fine with lizard dude being intimidated by us, but shirking from adventure is not acceptable. We're going to toughen him up into an acceptable partner, or get him killed trying. Or if he fails to improve and somehow survives we can just demote him to harem slave or something.

Our primary mode of attack is going to be blinding and head-cracking. Seems to me this is suited better to sneaking up on small groups of enemies than a frontal attack. Helga's route.

Reassure Pally that the golbins are evil creatures, and it's a good thing to remove some of them from the land instead of going out of our way to avoid them. Reassure Hans he'll still get plenty of heads to break.

helga's plan

>>431642
I'll take this as another way of phrasing my suggestion, and thus second it.

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)07:56 No. 431917 ID: b3ca75
File 134219141441.png - (16.85KB , 800x600 , 20.png )

-City, Southern Gate-
>helga's plan
Nice choice, Lassie, they will never see us coming.

-Helga +3 Happiness-
-Helga +1 loyalty-

>Reassure Pally that the golbins are evil creatures, and it's a good thing to remove some of them
W-well, you can’t really be born bad so some of them couldn’t be evil right? But you are right! If we don’t quell their numbers then other might be killed! Isn’t it a goal worthy to endanger oneself for to ensure others safety?

-Kevros +5 Happiness-
-Kevros +1 loyalty-
-Kevros +3 moral-

>Reassure Hans he'll still get plenty of heads to break.
Well, you know what they say, ja? If life gives you lemons burn lifes house down.

Welcome to Cornelia, Star Fox!
Shut it…

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)07:57 No. 431918 ID: b3ca75
File 134219143144.png - (12.90KB , 800x600 , 21.png )

Later in the hall of justice! some cave system somewhere.
New Area found
-Wilderness, southern cave’s-
We are about halfway to the nexus now, lads, and we finally meet our first goblin patrol. We still have the element of surprise on our side so this should be a beerwalk. Any suggestions how we should do it?

Let’s just charge them, ja?

I t-think we should be a little more subtle then that…

Insert command_

Make an illusion of their fire going out, then stab them while they are confused.

>you can’t really be born bad so some of them couldn’t be evil right?
He's not arbitrarily accepting things as evil in absolute terms of black and white. ...I'm not sure if this makes Kev the worst failure of a paladin there ever was, or potentially the best paladin. With that attitude, he might be real handy to have around when Ira shows up to claim his 'vessel'. Kev won't automatically decide we're an evil creation, and pally beats undead.

Okay, plan. Ambush. Liz fires off blinding tacks. At the same time, Helga sneaks off to flank the golbins, and stabs one from behind. While the goblins are confused, disabled and off guard, Kev and Hans close to melee and start killing. Liz and Helga offer support, as necessary.

Make sure you have chicken armor up before starting any kind of attack.

Okay, the illusion of the fire going out is awesome, especially if it means we can see, but they can't. We might not even need to waste tacks, then. Although we could always recover them, and having the gobos be in the dark and blinding pain when we close to finish is better than just in the dark.

make an illusion of yourself approaching them and saying hello. if they react in a hostile manner, you can kill them by stabbing them in the back without having worried Kevros about whether they're evil or not.

Our illusions suck, so no mobility, no sound and probably no touch.

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)14:33 No. 432013 ID: b3ca75
File 134221521946.png - (13.97KB , 800x600 , 22.png )

> Make an illusion of their fire going out, the commence complicated plan.
Whoa, dude. The fire is, like, out but the light is still on, man…
Far out, dude!
Let’s get distracted by this obvious distraction, dude!
That sound awesome, man!
Oh, cool, Steve is getting hugged by an angry dwarf, dudes. How totally radic- ow gods my eyes!

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)14:33 No. 432014 ID: b3ca75
File 134221523279.png - (14.46KB , 800x600 , 23.png )

To the battlemobile!

(Insert cheesy sound effect)

Whoa, dude, what did you smoke and where can I get some?
I’m so stoned right now, man…







Nananana Batman!

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)14:34 No. 432015 ID: b3ca75
File 134221524628.png - (12.23KB , 800x600 , 24.png )

Engaging:
Stoned Goblin x 4
High Goblin x 1

Battle order:
Helga
Kevros
Goblins
Lizbeth
Hans

-surprise round!-
Helga Backstabs Goblin 1 for (6x2-2) 10 damage.
Kevros attacks Goblin 2 for (8-2) 6 damage.
Lizbeth casts Telekinesis Blind, Goblin 3 Is blinded.
Hans casts Weakness. All enemies effected. All enemies -1 damage done.
Helga is hiding.

Actions-
Attack
Magic
-Arcane punch (1)-
-Blind (1)-
-Illusion (1)-
-Haste (4)-
Item
Run

You can’t control your companions directly yet.

Insert Command_

If I've learned anything from FFI, you're supposed to cast haste on your fighter and let him kill everything.

Kev wants to be the batman? Lets make give him the strength and reflexes to make it so. Haste!

Telekinesis Blind the Leader Goblin, hes gonna be stronger then the rest so we want him missing as much as possible.

>>432016
Yes and it might help him feel powerful seconded.

>>432016

actually you're supposed to have 2 fighters and 2 white mages even though haste is black magic. but what the hell, that doesn't sound like a bad strategy either.

Elephant Guy 2012/07/13(Fri)15:07 No. 432024 ID: 306af1
Audio Battle-_FFI.mp3 - (1.25MB , Battle- FFI.mp3 )

also, I'll just leave this here...

>>432023

I generally go 2 offense people (mixed up from game to game for the fun of it), a BM for haste / temper, and a WM.

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)15:46 No. 432041 ID: b3ca75
File 134221960347.png - (14.36KB , 800x600 , 25.png )

> Kev wants to be the batman? Lets make give him the strength and reflexes to make it so. Haste!

Engaging:
Stoned Goblin x 3
High Goblin x 1

Battle order:
Helga
Kevros
Goblins
Lizbeth
Hans
Kevros

-Round 1-
Helga Backstabs Goblin 2 for (6x2-2) 10 damage.
Goblin 2 is slain.
Kevros uses guard on Lizbeth.
Goblin 1 attacks Lizbeth – Zevros blocks the attack.
Goblin 3 misses.
Goblin 4 attacks Hans for 7 damage.
High Goblin attacks Zevros for (10-3-1) 6 damage.
Lizbeth casts Haste on Zevros, Gains extra turn.
HolyshititfeelslikeIjustdrankahundredcupsofcoffe.

Hans casts improved taunt. All enemies effected. All enemies -2 morale and -1 defense.
I will break you…

Zevros cast sacrifice on goblin 4 for (8+6+2-1) 15 damage.
Zevros takes 4 damage.

Insert command_

arcane punch that guy's glasses into his eyeballs.

Arcane Punch Goblin 1, he's almost dead.

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)16:36 No. 432064 ID: b3ca75
File 134222259431.png - (9.28KB , 800x600 , 26.png )

Engaging:
Stoned Goblin x 2
High Goblin x 1

Battle order:
Helga
Kevros
Goblins
Lizbeth
Hans
Kevros

-Round 2-
Helga throws “dagger” on Goblin 1 for (8-1) 7 damage.
Goblin 1 is slain.
Kevros attacks Goblin 3 for (8-1) 7 damage.
Goblin 3 attacks Lizbeth, Kevros take the blow for (7-3-1) 3 damage.
High Goblin uses fury on Kevros for (10-3-1x2) 12 damage.
Kevros is at 0 hp. Kevros auto use determination, got one round extra until K.O.
Lizbeth casts Arcane Punch on Goblin 3, smashing his blind status into his eyes blinding him even more, for (6+2) 8 damage .
Goblin 3 is slain.
Hans casts cure on himself, healing for 10hp.
Kevros cast Retribution on High goblin for (8+half damage taken(25/2)) 20 damage.
Kevros takes 10 damage.
High Goblin is slain.

Victory!

Kevros is unconscious

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)16:36 No. 432065 ID: b3ca75
File 134222260709.png - (12.45KB , 800x600 , 27.png )

–You gain-
+6 xp
+14 gold

+1 loyalty all companions

-Hans cast cura on Kevros. Kevros is fully healed.

Y-yes, mother, I w-washed my hands…

we should dance on their corpses, ja?

Insert command_

commend Kevros for being such a heroic hunk and continue.

Dude, Kev is an awesome meatshield. We're keeping him.

He didn't miss xp for dying, did he? Cause that would suck.

>Dance on the corpses?
Maxim 1, Hans. Pillage, then burn. We don't break anything until we're done looting.

indeed. check them for fat loots THEN dance on them.

Kaktus 2012/07/13(Fri)17:27 No. 432092 ID: b3ca75
File 134222563879.png - (12.55KB , 800x600 , 28.png )

>looting
The goblin bodies seems to have turned into red mist for some reason. There is nothing left to loot.
what? No bodies to dance on? This is a really unfabulous turn of events, ja? Make Hans sad, ja?

>He didn't miss xp for dying, did he?
He did die after we won, so he shouldn’t have lost any xp.
>commend Kevros for being such a heroic hunk
W-what? You r-really think so? I mean… uh… you weren’t so bad yourself… Beauti- um…

We should really start moving, lads, and look out for traps, the goblin probably riddled this place with them.

- Kevros +2 happiness-
-Kevros +1 love-

Maaan. These insecure types are the easiest to win over. =D

Hmm. We don't really have any spells that would help us in detecting traps. I guess we can put the rogue on point though.

What about on this map? There's 3 tiles of discolored ground blocking the North passageway, and 1 discolored tile of wall on the East side of the room. Are those traps or secrets? Helga, check 'em out.

Jeez, you haven't even really seen his face. Don't get all lovey-dovey just yet.

Kevros is ADORABLE. Let him know this, at every occasion.

Commiserate with Hans over the lack of dancing. Apologize.

Sneak around and junk. Bash more goblin heads.

Work on plan for not getting incinerated upon finding the Nexus.

Helga's the rogue, she look for traps. also, Kevros should take point because apparently he's the party's meatshie- uhh, brave guardian.

Fuck. A second Boaga.

Next time we incapacitate them and then dance over them before killing 'em

>>432092
That discolored floor there looks like an obvious trap.

What is that grey thing in front of here? A random patch of stone floor?

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)04:02 No. 432330 ID: b3ca75
File 134226376476.png - (13.45KB , 800x600 , 29.png )

>Kevros is ADORABLE. Let him know this, at every occasion.
You should really stop tormenting the poor boy, darling, just wait until we are done with our mission and then you can fuck his brains out, ja?
aghffst…WHAT?
oh, darling, you know I’m just kidding. You should have seen your face, hilarious, ja?
…

>Commiserate with Hans over the lack of dancing. Apologize.
no need to apologiza, darling. After all, I got this poor boy to torment until we find some real bodies to dance on, ja?

>That discolored floor there looks like an obvious trap.
Of course it’s a trap, lassie, I just think it was a little bit too obvious for a real trap, seems more like a distraction than anything else.

>discolored tile of wall on the East side of the room.
Du du du dun! Secret door found! Behind it you find a small room with only a lever in it. The lever is labeled “make a wish”.

Insert command_

Wish for Kevros to be a girl, pull the lever.

>>432330
wish for loads of money

Wish for lesbian lizard wizard blizzards for everyone.

>>432332
Wish for all potential love interests to be girls.

>>432334
L-O-A-D-S O-F E-M-O-N-E.

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)07:24 No. 432344 ID: b3ca75
File 134227585796.png - (13.43KB , 800x600 , 30.png )

>lots of wishes
Why chose one? Let’s wish for them all! Give me money, broads and female Kevros!

-Lizbeth pulls the lever-

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)07:24 No. 432345 ID: b3ca75
File 134227588496.png - (13.36KB , 800x600 , 31.png )

Thank you for activating the really obvious death trap. As a present from all of us to you (yes, you) we will fill the lovely cave you’re in with poisonous gas. Please consider us for your next adventure. Have a nice day.

well, crap…

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)07:24 No. 432346 ID: b3ca75
File 134227589466.png - (13.70KB , 800x600 , 32.png )

-Lizbeth has fallen unconscious-
- Kevros has fallen unconscious-
- Helga has fallen unconscious-
- Hans has fallen unconscious-

oh yes, Mr. Dolph, let me join you in your bloodbath, ja? ZzZzZ…

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)07:25 No. 432347 ID: b3ca75
File 134227590707.png - (7.02KB , 800x600 , 33.png )

Choose your next playable character!


Hans the psychopath
Powers: FABULOUS!


Helga the smart chick
Powers: being a dwarf, baby!


Kevros the rookie
Powers: I g-got powers!? I d-don’t think I got any...

Wait, haaaang on a minute. None of you are really thinking this over? Remember, it's said this area would be trap-heavy. A free wish just for pulling a lever? Sounds like sucker bait to me. I mean, that'd ridiculously too good to be real.

Kevros!

Ugh, I posted way too late.

Kevros!

Kev! Get up! Your cute little lizzard wizard crush has been poisoned! You gotta wake up and use your hunkiness and paladin powers to save her!

dorf player is best player

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)10:41 No. 432367 ID: b3ca75
File 134228771278.png - (15.82KB , 800x600 , 34.png )

You are now Kevros

> dorf player is best player
oh grand, I’m either gone insane and start hearing voices or I’m possessed by a demon that has a f-fetish for dwarfs…

> Kev! Get up! Your cute little lizzard wizard crush has been poisoned! You gotta wake up and use your hunkiness and paladin powers to save her!
…

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)10:42 No. 432368 ID: b3ca75
File 134228772366.png - (18.02KB , 800x600 , 35.png )

Kevros uses extreme hunkiness!

Door has been defeated!

What a glorious victory!
-You gain-
0 xp
0 gold
Worst enemy defeated so far: Door.
Easiest enemy defeated so far: Zz’erkun, the queen of bees!

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)10:42 No. 432369 ID: b3ca75
File 134228773447.png - (17.26KB , 800x600 , 36.png )

W-wait… those goblin took all my s-stuff! And what do I do k-know? I’m so lost right now…

Current Invetory:
1 x Platemail (because the dwarfs don’t want a naked lizard running around)

what's that stuff on the wall?

Hey Kev! Don't worry. We're not bad voices, or demons. We're like guiding spirits that help adventures! We like Lizbeth, and we've been helping her. You're cool with that, right? Paladins are supposed to be down with guiding higher powers and all that, ain't they?

...okay, now this might be kind of a crazy question, but how would you feel about getting a lesbian experience at some point? Because I kind of sorta accidentally made this joke about getting you gender swapped, and then some of the other voices and shopkeepers took me seriously. So if you don't like the thought of a weird and varied sex life in the future, you might wanna make your objections clear.

But anyways, loot the stuff on the walls, then confront the golbins trapped in the dead end full of wood to the south. Demand to know where your stuff and friends are.

Kevros, you have got to tell us about the Queen of Bees sometime.

And you don't wear anything under your plate mail? You're tougher than we thought.

Anyway, on to business. Can you tell what that green stuff is, both on the floor and in the bottle? Either one could be deadly.

loot the wall next to you

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)13:48 No. 432419 ID: b3ca75
File 134229890939.png - (17.83KB , 800x600 , 37.png )

>Hey Kev! Don't worry. We're not bad voices, or demons. We're like guiding spirits that help adventures! We like Lizbeth, and we've been helping her. You're cool with that, right? Paladins are supposed to be down with guiding higher powers and all that, ain't they?
H-hello? Well, if L-Liz trust you I guess I’ll trust with helping me. At least until I can find the others… they probably need some help…

>what's that stuff on the wall?
Looks like a pair of tongs, a small hammer, an extremely crude scalpel, a leather apron and a pink…
… a p-pink vibrating… thing I-I rather not mention…
>loot the wall next to you
-You pick up-
-Tongs-
-hammer-
-scalpel-
-pink vibrating… thing-
Apron is too big to carry without aid.

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)13:48 No. 432421 ID: b3ca75
File 134229892099.png - (17.68KB , 800x600 , 38.png )

>Can you tell what that green stuff is, both on the floor and in the bottle?
The stuff on the floor seems to be water tainted by some kind of magic. You probably are really close to the magic thingamabob you were looking for. The stuff on the table is a bottle of goblin booze.
>And you don't wear anything under your plate mail?
W-well, it’s not so bad with the scales and all. And it make me feel like I’m wearing nothing at all…
>tell us about the Queen of Bees
I took a bee keeping class in paladin collage and things got a little weird after our teacher was consumed by angry bees and the pizza elemental activists started to show up…

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)13:48 No. 432422 ID: b3ca75
File 134229893233.png - (17.45KB , 800x600 , 39.png )

>confront the goblins
I have at the m-moment no real weapon and I’m outnumbered. I rather not confront someone that is trying to kill me on those grounds… I can on the other hand listen in on their conversation.

Is this really the best virgin we should find? I mean, he’s a man!
well, none of the other three gave any sign on the virgin detector.
But he was adventuring with three females, how can he be one!
First of, what kind of logic is that? And second, the human is a man too.
But he wore a dress!
I think it was a robe actually…

>crazy question about lesbian experience.
THE WHAT? I mean… waa? I’m... but… I… I’m a guy, how can I have an lesbian experience? No, wait, p-please don’t answer that.

Dude, you're eligible for virgin sacrifice? That's not healthy around all this evil. Really, this is the second evil place trying it we've seen in as many days. We need to get you hooked up with Liz.

>how can I have...
Didn't take a look at the stuff the shops were selling, huh?

You can use the hammer as an improvised weapon, till you find something better.

Could we get a list of your abilities, spells, stats? We'll do a better job getting you out of her if we know what we've got to work with.

>Getting you out of her

I thought the plan was to get him IN her?

you could scoop up some toxic water with the bottle and use that as a weapon. and a broken bottle afterwards. perhaps that stool, too. not to mention solid steel (or whatever) gauntlets to smash puny goblin skulls with. whichever has the highest ATK.

>>432435
XD

HERE. Getting you out of here. (Dangit, I can never catch all the typos).

If the fact that you're a virgin is of interest to the goblins, you should probably get out of here as quickly as possible. I can't think of a single good reason they'd be interested in that. (Lots of bad ones, though.)

How strong are you? Could you quickly toss the chair and table near you into the water and hop across them? The apron could provide a possible third step.

Alternately, you could use the furniture, whole or splintered, as an improvised weapon to get out the front door past the goblins. Your armor could give you an advantage if you can find any kind of weapon at all.

Otherwise, I'm out of ideas. Pour some of the goblin booze on the magic water and see if it explodes.

Clever escape of cleverness?

>>432422
be sure to give the pink thing to liz unless you can use it as a weapon

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)15:19 No. 432491 ID: b3ca75
File 134230436592.png - (17.95KB , 800x600 , 40.png )

>Could we get a list of your abilities, spells, stats?
I can’t use my ability without the necessary focus, which is the sword that I currently don’t have. The only real thing I have working for me at the moment is my AMEZING strength and a quite decent dexterity.
>improvised weapon
I’ll probably be more effective just using my AMEZING strength to push the s-shit out of things…
>Pour some of the goblin booze on the magic water - scoop up some toxic water with the bottle.
The booze seem to have no effect on the water and now I got a bottle filled with something I probably don’t want to drink…
>toss the chair and table near you into the water and hop across
The water is too deep for both the apron and chair to work as support. The table on the other hand would be perfect.

Kevros uses his AMEZING strength and quite decent dexterity to jump across the water. Success!

Kaktus 2012/07/14(Sat)15:19 No. 432492 ID: b3ca75
File 134230437417.png - (17.71KB , 800x600 , 41.png )

> We need to get you hooked up with Liz.
W-wait, don’t I have any say in this?
> give the pink thing to liz
H-how about n-no?

Well, it’s seems like I got a choice on where to go. I can hear goblins screaming in fear from the north (can’t decide if this is a good thing or not), Chanting from the east and I can only see darkness to the south. Witch way o magical voices?

Follow the screaming. That's probably Hans.

The screaming to the north is either some kind of horrible monster killing golbins, or one of your companions murdering their way to freedom. If it's the first, you don't want to get involved. If it's the later, they sound like they're winning just fine without you.

The chanting is probably a non-virgin sacrifice. That you should interrupt.

>don’t I have any say in this?
You can turn her down if you really want dude. Thought you liked her though. We're just offering to facilitate.

north

go north. chaos is opportunity.

Goblins screaming in fear is a good sign; you should leave that situation alone. Chanting might be something you should stop. Go east.

>>432666
>>432502
But our man is unarmed. He can't really do much until he gets his sword back. Shouldn't we regroup with someone who can actually fight before trying to engage in battle?

>>432671
Meh, chanting means casters. We can just dodge and punch them in the face. Don't need no sword for that.

>>432675
Unless they are summoners.

What if the chanting is the goblins preparing that ritual that needs a virgin sacrifice?
Stopping that would be good, but knowing our luck we'll get there right when the sacrifice is needed. With no way to fight.

You have no method of mystically locating your sword? That would be very convenient.

Any other clues what's happening down any one passage?

My votes for the screaming first. Screaming seems more... immediately worthy of attention. Chanting can take a good while sometimes, and nothings happening down the other passage.

Better choose quickly. Those gobbos are about to notice that you've busted out.

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)06:42 No. 432852 ID: b3ca75
File 134235977996.png - (18.63KB , 800x600 , 42.png )

>Those gobbos are about to notice that you've busted out.
I can hear their screaming behind me, so it’s possible not a good idea to head back the same way.
>We're just offering to facilitate.
I d-don’t know if t-this is a good thing or not...
>method of mystically locating your sword?
I would need my focus to that, which is my sword, w-which is the thing I’m trying to locate…
>north!
North it is! Oh, fiddle sticks. It seems that they got Hans and there’s a lot of them and I don’t have a weapon and I got to help and stop saying and and oh g-gods…

We have done it! The demon is defeated!
YAY!
The monsters rampage has ended!
YAY!
The defiler is no more!
YAY!
Let’s defile his buttocks!
YA- wait what?

Would those spears count as weapons?

It sounds like if you wait a second you can catch them with their pants down. If Hans is still conscious you wouldn't have to kill them all; you would just have to distract them until he can get loose.

oh no, not his buttocks! save your game, grab a stick and fight.

>>432856
seconding using one of the pikes as a weapon

also ponder how there are dead gobbos laying about when all the ones YOU defeated turned into red mist

They haven't turned into mist because they haven't been looted yet.

Improvised weaponry is your friend Kevros. You are physically more capable than any of the Goblins, I'm sure. You can find something to fight the Gobbies off your buddy Hans there.

Use psychological warfare. Threaten to defile their buttocks with the pink thing.

>>432873
I second this if the pikes are unusable

>>432874
Implying that if the pikes ARE usable, threaten to defile their buttocks with the pikes instead.

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)09:32 No. 432884 ID: b3ca75
File 134236997583.png - (22.28KB , 800x600 , 43.png )

>save your game
Kevros can’t use the skill save game, only Lizbeth has the power to manipulate time in that manner.
>grab a stick
Kevros use his AMAZING strength to remove all obstacles in front of item “Goblin shish kabob”.
Goblin has forcefully been removed from path.
Kevros gains item “Goblin shish kabob”.

Not the green sludge, NOT THE GRREEN SLUDGE!

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)09:33 No. 432885 ID: b3ca75
File 134236999631.png - (21.48KB , 800x600 , 44.png )

Nooo-
Goblin 10 lands in magic sludge.
-RANDOM EFFECT!-
Magic missile: Goblin 10 takes 15 damage!
Goblin 10 is turned into red mist!

>They haven't turned into mist because they haven't been looted yet.
Cleary, this is the only reason. It not like there is an extremely deadly disease that turns people into red mist going around, right? …r-right?

>Threaten to defile their buttocks with the pink thing
L-let him go or I-I’ll… or I’ll d-defile your b-b-buttocks with this pink t-thing.
jokes on you, lizard, my buttocks are already clean shaven!

> threaten to defile their buttocks with the pikes instead.
W-well, then I’ll use the p-pike instead!
…that would arguable be worse, yes…
…but my buttock are so smooth and lean…

All goblins -1 morale

well, this probably wasn’t such a good idea…

They fear the green sludge. Threaten to coat their buttocks in it. You have some in this bottle just for that purpose.

The pink thing's a razor? Huh. Not what I was expecting. Nevermind our earlier suggestion to use it as a gift, as a Lizard Liz won't have much use for it.

Use a sweeping blow with your spear to knock the golbin on the right into the pool of chaos magic water. With your other hand, throw your bottle of the stuff at one of the others.

>>432885
call out for helga

you know, you could just try to reason with them.

They don't seem like bad chaps really. They're not outwardly aggressive at least. You're a pretty Charismatic sort of guy, Kevros. Just be a charming nice guy like you are, and get them to play nice and stop sacrificing and killing your friends and stuff.

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)12:25 No. 432938 ID: b3ca75
File 134238033656.png - (20.24KB , 800x600 , 45.png )

> try to reason with them.
um… can’t we talk this out p-peacefully instead of fighting?
Talk it out? You just murdered on of us in cold blood! Your friend here roasted our children alive and ate them in front of their mothers! You must be punished, we demand justice!
Isn’t justice about protecting the innocent, not punish the guilty?
well, then we will protect our innocent buttocks from your spear! Any last words before we kill you!?
>call out for helga
Uh… Helga, are you t-there?
what kind of last words are that? Whatever, just kill him.
yes, sire!

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)12:25 No. 432940 ID: b3ca75
File 134238035818.png - (24.64KB , 800x600 , 46.png )

> Use a sweeping blow with your spear to knock the golbin on the right goblins into the pool of chaos magic water. With your other hand, throw your bottle of the stuff at one of the others.

Kevros uses his AMAZING strength to knock Goblin 1, Goblin 2 and Goblin 3 into the magic sludge!
Kevros uses his quite decent dexterity to throw bottle of magic sludge at goblin 4!

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)12:26 No. 432942 ID: b3ca75
File 134238037241.png - (20.40KB , 800x600 , 47.png )

color=#0000FF] -RANDOM EFFECT!-
Gender change: Goblin 1 changes gender and becomes a man!
Cura: Goblin 2 is healed for 25 hp!
stone: Goblin 3 becomes a statue!
Transformation: Goblin 4 becomes a metal box!
-3 moral all goblins!
Goblin 1-8 is fleeing![/color]

you cowards, you fools!

Murderfy the one goblin who isn't fleeing. Let the rest go, it's not paladin-y to kill fleeing opponents.

Then check the metal box for loot and help Hans.

revive hans and check out the gray thing to the left of you

oh man, you're badass.

murder that last goblin.

TAKE Open the metal box.

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)14:25 No. 433018 ID: b3ca75
File 134238754053.png - (23.02KB , 800x600 , 48.png )

> Murderfy the one goblin who isn't fleeing
Kevros uses throw item “Goblin shish kabob” on high goblin for 7 damage.
Helga backstab high goblin for 12 damage.
High goblin has been slain.

Victory!
You gain:
6xp
10gold

>oh man, you're badass.
FUCK YES! Uh… I m-mean… um… sorry… for the o-outburst...um…
>revive hans
You do not have the necessary skill/item to do this. Hans will remain unconscious.

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)14:25 No. 433019 ID: b3ca75
File 134238755523.png - (20.83KB , 800x600 , 49.png )

It’s good to see you again, lad. Too bad our healer is in need of healing, eh?

> Open the metal box.
The METAHL BAWKSES contains small plastic idols marked as SPESS MAHREENS. Kevros and Helga wisely decide to leave it and to never talk about again. Ever.

We b-better get moving. The chanting from the e-east has become louder and there seems to be a commotion about me fleeing to the south. I can only see darkness to the north.
who are you talking to, lad?
e-eh…

You can now control Helga!
You can now control Hans! (When he wakes up)

Sup, Hela. Hunky lizard boi was talking to us. We're the guiding head-voices.

Do Helga and Hans have their equipment? Do they have yours, or know where it's stored? Has Helga seen Liz?

Kev, can you cast heal if and when you get your focus back? If not, we have a healing potion in Liz's backpack, if we ever find it.

Drag Hans, go investigate chanting. We need to find Liz! And our stuff.

Helga should go backstab those fleeing goblins, Unlike Kel hes a rogue and doesn't really care about killing someone who is fleeing and better a dead goblin then a live one.

one can always use an empty metal box. but whatever, ask Helga if she has any sword-like weapons. if not, retrieve pike and move chantwards with Hans' body.

>>433019
Splash water on Hans to wake him up even if you have to use sludge water on him

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)16:14 No. 433089 ID: b3ca75
File 134239408860.png - (19.11KB , 800x600 , 50.png )

>Helga should go backstab those fleeing goblins
a little late for that, lad, they are already gone.
>retrieve pike
T-they all turned into red mist for some reason. Are you sure there isn’t some d-disease going around or something?
>Kev, can you cast heal if and when you get your focus back?
I c-can cast lay on hands, yes.
>Splash water on Hans to wake him up even if you have to use sludge water on him
Yes, let’s splash him with the water that just killed 3 goblins by just touching them! Real s-smart id- sorry…

No way we are going to get past all those goblins. Check the storage room.

Oh and mind the gap.

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)16:17 No. 433093 ID: b3ca75
File 134239426518.png - (19.08KB , 800x600 , 51.png )

>Drag Hans, go investigate chanting. We need to find Liz! And our stuff.
Carry Hans, CHECK!
Investigate chanting, CHECK!
Find Liz, CHECK!
Stuff, maybe CHECK?

Animi’elatio! Animi’elatio! Animi’elatio!

oh c-crap, they are going to sacrifice Liz!
Is it just me or are Liz standing a little to still? Doesn’t even look like she’s blinking…

Huh. Maybe we need to actually be in Liz for her to be able to do stuff.

Hmm, I guess she IS a vessal; for us at the very least. Thats not good. I wonder where her memories came from then.

>>433093
Liz is part of the ritual, but not the sacrifice. They need a virgin for that, and you're the only virgin here, according to them.

Do not anger the huge horde of goblins. Instead, go into that door to see if there's something useful in there. Like your sword for instance.

>>433093
distract the gobbos by tossing hans's body into the crowd

Liz must have cast an illusion of herself in the cage! She can only make stationary ones though, so it can't blink. The real her must be hiding nearby. Look for her, loot the room to the N. Is your gear / inventory in there?

>>433152

no, he will be RAPE by GOBLINS

go into the building and go through those crates for something conveniently distracting or otherwise useful.

>>433155
right, well at least we can burst into the room to the north to see real liz, anyway we can break into there without alerting everyone to where we are?

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)17:42 No. 433176 ID: b3ca75
File 134239936630.png - (18.85KB , 800x600 , 52.png )

> Liz must have cast an illusion of herself in the cage!
of course! She is a smart one after all.
> go into the building
oh hai, guys!
well, speak of the trolls.
LIZ!
uh… You now those voices in your head that always tell you what to do? I kind of dropped mine and I’m a little lost without it. Have you seen them anywhere?

> go through those crates
oh hey, all our gear, how oddly convenient!

All gear returned!

Brothers! The day has come! We have finally found the vessel!

Kaktus 2012/07/15(Sun)17:42 No. 433177 ID: b3ca75
File 134239937933.png - (19.55KB , 800x600 , 53.png )

All hail lord Animi’elatio! O, lord, we have found the vessel that you have sought so long! O, lord, accept our gratitude, as with this vessel you, o great one, can finally ascend and place the goblin race where it belongs! ALL HAIL LORD ANIMI’ELATIO!

I-is that a dragon?
d-did anyone say dragon barbeque, ja?
it look so happy! Just look at that cute little smile.

You can now control Lizbeth

Let the dragon discover the goblins do NOT in fact have the vessal. Cancel that illusion. Then RUN!

hey, Hans is awake! welp, hide in the crates for when the shit hits the fan.

Hey Lizbeth! We're back! We did our best to nudge Kev in your direction while we were in his head. The hunk likes yah. Even if he is hella shy.

Get everybody at full health and equipped. Make sure Liz uses her magic rod and not her dagger. Magic potion on Liz if her mp is low.

I say we let them try their magic ritual with an illusion instead of the vessel. If we're lucky, it'll catastrophically backfire in their faces.

Stay behind the crates but not in the room, so you have somewhere to run to when they catch on.

Run away! The dragon will be pissed that the vessel is an illusion and burninate everyone. Endeavor to not be there when that happens.

Actually that hole in the floor looks like a convenient escape route. Wait that was Liz's shadow, nevermind.

Kevros! Liz is okay, and you don't know if you'll survive the night. Kiss her passionately! Or bite her on the nose, or whatever it is you lizard folk do.

For the rest of you, maybe try fortifying yourselves in the storage room until things blow over a bit. That, or sneak out under an illusion or something. Sneaking out sounds like a good idea, that dragon is large, and there are many goblins present.

Though Kevros could probably strong arm through everyone pretty single handedly...

Oh! And heal hans eventually. Maybe after he's locked up in the storage room out of site of the Goblins.

Recruit the dragon.

>>433295
I also like this idea.

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)07:22 No. 433475 ID: b3ca75
File 134244854533.png - (18.14KB , 800x600 , 54.png )

>Hey Lizbeth! We're back! We did our best to nudge Kev in your direction while we were in his head. The hunk likes yah. Even if he is hella shy.
I-I can still h-hear you, you know!
Yay, you guys are back!
>Run away!
um... s-seems like our only escape route is filled with goblins, maybe I should have k-killed those goblins that ran a-away.
>hide in the crates for when the shit hits the fan.
Well, I for one don’t want the goblins to hurt my FABULOUS little head anymore, so I vote for hiding, ja?

O, great lord, please accept… accept this… uh… illusion?
Is this some kind of joke!?
I’m sorry my lord, it se-
Stop blabbering with me and find her, INSECT!
of course my lord!

dude, these special effect is like, far out man.
shush!

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)07:22 No. 433476 ID: b3ca75
File 134244855803.png - (3.16KB , 800x600 , 55.png )

> Get everybody at full health and equipped.
-Hans cast cure on hans, hans is fully healed-

Hey, hands off my butt!
S-sorry

>bite her him on the nose, or whatever it is you lizard folk do.
Nom!
Ow, what did you that for!?

Do think it safe to go out now, I awfully crowded in here.
quite! I think I hear someone outsi-

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)07:22 No. 433477 ID: b3ca75
File 134244857378.png - (17.14KB , 800x600 , 56.png )

-off

So, VERMIN, did you really think you should hide from my MAGNIFICENCE!?
You’ll regret the day that you annoyed a GOD, INSECTS! I WIL-

>Recruit the dragon.
HAI, Mr. Dragon, do you wanna join my team!?
I… I… WHAT?

Guys, he's not really a dragon. There's a red lizardfolk illusionist behind the purple curtain on the right.

He's not an awesome dragon worth recruiting. He's a charlatan to be pitied.

Helga, sneak up on the imposter over there and pull him out.

Then we see if Liz can run the projectionist's booth and take control of the illusionary dragon. If she can, we have our own army of orcs to boss around!

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain? That's not how you flirt with a pretty lizard. Moreover, why this obsession with virginity? Are you insecure or something? We'll forgive you if you turn out to be a hot female lizard.

Wait, we'll lose the chance to free a race of eons of terrible misunderstandings and to command an army if we confront their god directly. Goblins are seen as a stupid race that only serves as source of fun for heartless murderers. They will never win this war, it's a lost cause. But not everything is cause for despair. They just need a good public relations spokesperson and unique and goblin patented goods that they can use to dominate the world market. The GREEN SLUDGE, ladies and gentlemen. We can study this magnificent source of random effects and make numerous products, such as sex change potions. Not responsible for any adverse effects that may occur, however.

Lets have some fun with this conversation: "You know, our adventuring team. Doing quests, collecting treasure, that sort of thing. By the way, your curtain is about to fall off."

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)10:38 No. 433493 ID: b3ca75
File 134246031531.png - (17.50KB , 800x600 , 57.png )

>Lets have some fun with this conversation
You know, our adventuring team. Doing quests, collecting treasure, that sort of thing.
And why would I join you, INSECT!? I got more treasure then you can possible imagine, more power than you can dream off, VERMIN! WHY WOUL-
By the way, your curtain is about to fall off.
what? No wait, don’t touch th-

>Helga, sneak up on the imposter over there and pull him out.

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)10:38 No. 433494 ID: b3ca75
File 134246033231.png - (17.79KB , 800x600 , 58.png )

-at curtain… uh… Please ignore the lizard behind the curtain?

>why this obsession with virginity? Are you insecure or something?
obsession? I… wha…

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)10:39 No. 433495 ID: b3ca75
File 134246034076.png - (16.83KB , 800x600 , 59.png )

You know what, fuck this. Hand over the vessel and I will let the three of you live, you VERMIN, otherwise I’ll crush beneath my booth like the INSECTS that you are!

>run the projectionist's booth
The booth doesn’t seem to contain anything to control the dragon. It only contains a few “PlayLizard” magazines and some hand lotion as far as you can see.
>We'll forgive you if you turn out to be a hot female lizard
That’s quite clearly a guy.

Tell him he might be more interested in chasing down that fleeing goblin before the others hear about his secret.
(Plus that way we can see if he actually does have any powerful magic.)

Boss fight time. Cue da music. Open with a surprise round.

Liz? Respond "here's your vessel" and chunk the bottle of acid at his face. Helga? Backstab. Hans? This guy's responsible for the gobos who beat you up. Get revenge with some nasty sickness spell.

Last but not least. Kev? "The vessel" is Liz. This guy wants to hurt her. Engage your paladiny RAGE OF PROTECTIVE ANGER and smack this guy with something fierce, now that you've got your sword and ability focus back.

> That’s quite clearly a guy.
Kill him. Or use some GOBLINS' CORPORATION® GREEN SLUDGE™.

Before we kill him maybe we should ask what the vessal does, and what exactly is it.

>>433503

Dude, it's the vessel he's been seeking for so long. You put things into a vessel. A vessel contains things. Put 2 and 2 together, man.

Dude, of course I know the definition of a vessal. What I want to know is how being a vessal effects Liz.

What is she suppose to contain or what is it containing? How exactly is LIZ a vessal? What makes her so important that two powerful wizards are interested in her?

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)13:48 No. 433529 ID: b3ca75
File 134247170706.png - (17.46KB , 800x600 , 60.png )

>ask what the vessal does, and what exactly is it.
Your inferior mind will never truly understand what you are, vessel, Only a mind of my magnificence and intelligence can have any hope of understanding it!
>Tell him he might be more interested in chasing down that fleeing goblin
Do you truly believe they revere some kind of pathetic dragon!? They bow down for me, the great Animi’elatio!
Animi’eliti, ja?
Animi’elatio!
Animi’elatao?
Animi’elatio!!!
Animielestic?
Animi’elet- Animi’ul- Anime- you know what, just call me pride. Where was I? Ahem… They bow down to me and so shall you! You are nothing but a footnote in the book about my magnificence! INSECTS to be crushed under my booth! Insignificant peasants compared to my royalty! Filthy VERMIN to be exterminated! I am older then time itself! I AM PRIDE! MY WILL MUST BE DO-

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)13:48 No. 433530 ID: b3ca75
File 134247171636.png - (16.65KB , 800x600 , 61.png )

> Liz, chunk the bottle of acid at his face.
Ow, gods damn it my eyes, it got into my e-
> Helga? Backstab.
aaa, why does it hurt so much?
> Hans? This guy's responsible for the gobos who beat you up. Get revenge with some nasty sickness spell.
> Kev, this guy wants to hurt Liz.

-Lizbeth throws item “acid” on pride for 8 damage and BLIND-
-Helga backstabs Pride for 13 damage-
-Hans cast BIO on Pride for 10 damage and POISON-
-Kevros uses SACRIFACE on pride for 11 damage-
-Kevros takes 4 damage-
-Pride is half dead!-

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)13:48 No. 433531 ID: b3ca75
File 134247172699.png - (28.27KB , 800x600 , 62.png )

do you realize who you are messing with? I AM PRIDE, GOD OF DEATH! YOU WILL BOW TO ME!

um, the floating thing is bad, ja?
o-oh gods, not the w-wall, NOT THE WALL!

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)13:48 No. 433532 ID: b3ca75
File 134247173489.png - (27.44KB , 800x600 , 63.png )

-Wall attacks all party members-
-Hans is unconscious-
-Helga is unconscious -
-Kevros guards Lizbeth-
-Kevros successfully blocks the wall!-
-kevros is unconscious-

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)13:49 No. 433533 ID: b3ca75
File 134247174245.png - (24.30KB , 800x600 , 64.png )

please, mommy, can’t I stay home and make cookies with you today…

Well then ,vessel, bow down to my superiority and I’ll spare your pathetic friends!

Telekinises, meet sludge, sludge, meet false god.

>>433535
Yes. Back up plan? CHICKEN ARMOR.

>-Kevros successfully blocks the wall!-
Good gods, gotta love how ridiculously overpowered early final fantasy style fighters were.

>>433535
This. Be prepared to blink and hide behind an illusion if that doesn't take him down.

If that doesn't work, you can threaten to sludge yourself.

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)14:39 No. 433547 ID: b3ca75
File 134247478579.png - (24.46KB , 800x600 , 65.png )

>Telekinises, meet sludge, sludge, meet false god.
oh gods! My eyes! AGAIN! Why does it always have to be the eyes!

-Lizbeth throws item “sludge” on Pride for BLIND-
-Prides magic resistance is too high, magic sludge have no effect!-

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)14:39 No. 433548 ID: b3ca75
File 134247479583.png - (26.42KB , 800x600 , 66.png )

pride2: I’m going to rip your fucking head off and shit down your neck!
>Be prepared to blink and hide behind an illusion if that doesn't take him down.

-Lizbeth uses Illusion!-
-Lizbeth uses BLINK!-
-Pride CHARGE misses!-
-Kevros “trips” Pride-

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)14:40 No. 433549 ID: b3ca75
File 134247480562.png - (24.27KB , 800x600 , 67.png )

I’ll shove –blub- your damned – blub- boyfriend up your –blub- bum!
um… do you need help?
I AM-blub- A GOD! I’M NOT –blub- GOING –blub- TO DROWN LIKE SOME FUCKING –blub-INSECT!

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)14:40 No. 433550 ID: b3ca75
File 134247481583.png - (24.52KB , 800x600 , 68.png )

-Pride has drowned-
-pride has been slain!-
-you gain-
+25 xp
+100gold

Well, that was anticlimactic…

Insert climactic ending command_

Victory dance!

Then see to injured companies. Start with hunky lizard boy.

Show concern for your paladin boyfriend as if you were romantically interested in him and not just wanting to jump his bones.

25 xp? That it? We just killed a high level mage who had his own goblin army!. What a gyp.

Hmm, I wonder. Lizbeth can you lift that guys corpse out of the water? He might be carrying something with lots of magic on him considering how the area he drowned in is still sludgy.

Well. Speaking of the gobbos we really should skedaddle before they realize we jsut killed their god. Rouse your comapanions and get skedaddling.

When Kevros wakes up, tell him that he killed Pride in an awesome way (without being specific as to how), and act surprised when he doesn't remember it.

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)15:46 No. 433573 ID: b3ca75
File 134247881648.png - (24.60KB , 800x600 , 69.png )

>Victory dance!
AW YEAH! Victory dance successful!
>25 xp? That it?
Well, a goblin is only worth 1 xp for comparison. And he wasn’t really that powerful anyway.
>Lizbeth can you lift that guys corpse out of the water?
Pride has already turned into red mist. There seems to be something on the bottom of the pool thought. The water is in the way for using telekinesis and you’re not touching that water barehanded.

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)15:47 No. 433574 ID: b3ca75
File 134247882614.png - (6.41KB , 550x400 , 70.png )

>Then see to injured companies. Start with hunky lizard boy.
He’s bleeding from his forehead but otherwise he seems fine...
D-did we win…?

>tell him that he killed Pride in an awesome way (without being specific as to how), and act surprised when he doesn't remember it.
Of course, silly, don’t you remember? It was you after all who did the killing blow.
I-it was? Y-yeah, maybe i-it was…
You really was amazing, you know…
You are really amazing yourself…

-Kevros +5 happiness-
-Kevros +2 loyalty-
-Kevros +3 love-
-Kevros is now loyal to you-
-Kevros is now in love with you-

Now just to turn him female!

We really should figure out a way to get whatever is in the water out however. Hmmm Maybe one of the others has an idea. A stick would work maybe?

>>433550
> Insert climactic ending command_
COLLAPSING LAIR and ENRAGED ARMY OF GOBLINS. Try not to die.

Okay, it looks like that guy was carrying the magic artifact that our mission was about.

Use the thingy we are supposed to use near it!

I think we can get some use out of the whole 'vessel' thing.
Once our companions are awake, tell them to act brainwashed, then go back to the goblins and pretend to be Pride. If they ask why you aren't glowing or doing god-things, berate them for failing their part of the ritual, and tell them you need to go to the magical nexus to correct it. (Though I guess we should check with the compass first to make sure Pride wasn't himself the magical nexus.)

Hahaha, we get to keep Kevros now. =D

Check the magic compass, I bet the nexus is under the corrupted water. You wanna use the scanner to complete the mission, and then see if you can use your awesome reality warper powers to tap into it and supercharge yourself.

>>433589
We need the magical thingy. Use Kevros' helmet, or the furniture in the other room to reach it without touching the slime.

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)17:24 No. 433614 ID: b3ca75
File 134248464669.png - (23.98KB , 550x500 , 71.png )

>COLLAPSING LAIR and ENRAGED ARMY OF GOBLINS. Try not to die.
wait what?
GRRRR!

Rumble Rumble!

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)17:24 No. 433615 ID: b3ca75
File 134248465743.png - (17.37KB , 550x500 , 72.png )

Dude, the guys from, like, the next cave system over prays to a weed god.
:golbin1: Oh man, that so far out, man. What are we waiting for, let’s go, man.
ya, man, let’s get the rest of the bros to. Cowabunga, lizard dudes!

[color=#0000FF]-All the goblins have left the cave system-
- The Lair failed to collapse thanks to incompetent builders-[color]

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)17:24 No. 433616 ID: b3ca75
File 134248466615.png - (6.92KB , 550x500 , 73.png )

>Now just to turn him female!
I… what?
>Check the magic compass
Why yes, it is pointing at the weird water.
>A stick would work maybe?
Well, I still got a pair of tongs on me…

Kaktus 2012/07/16(Mon)17:24 No. 433618 ID: b3ca75
File 134248467901.png - (2.67KB , 550x500 , 74.png )

You successfully fished up the weird magical object but the tongs was destroyed in the process.
Let’s have a silent minute for the tongs and remember it heroic sacrifice! Gods bless that tong!

You found a Chaos emerald a weird formed amethyst (I think). The magical compass is fallowing it every move!

> Use the thingy
You try to use the thingy that the wizard gave you with your best effort but to no avail. It only says “Error, no nexus found”. Come to think of it, this thing is not looking like any nexus you ever heard about. It is brimming with power thought…

Reach out to it with your mind. Try to tap into it's awesome magical potential!

Quest... Over? Welp nothing to do but use your awesome powers of a vessal of indeterminate nature to eat the gem.

Wait no thats stupid. Lets bring it back to the guild.

>>433616
Identify PINK OBJECT in Kevros's inventory

>>433621

It's an electric razor. Or magic razor. Automatic hair shaving golem. Whatever. The goblins revealed it wasn't what we though it was when we threatened them with it. It's of no use to hairless lizards, regrettably.

Oh, the irony.

> Quest... Over?
How can you forget daddy? And fetch quests? And eating THE PIZZA ELEMENTALl? And recruiting Mr. Coffee? And the bragging rights reward? And the sex change magicks? And the hot spring scene? And LESBIANS?

well still have a nexus to find. with that said LOOK for nexus, liz

And we still need to protect Kev from future virgin sacrifices. And animate our familiar! Lots still do to.

When I say the quest is over I meant the quest Liz was doing for the guild. Not THE quest.

>>433618
Paladin, heal thyself. Also get your helmet back on, gold-eyes.

The magical nexus could've been Pride which means we fucked up. Or maybe the device was supposed to kill him for us and get the gem? Try moving the gem away from the compass to check to see if it shows another reading.

>>433637
They still have to loot the hell out of this place.

I got an idea! Lets look for lizard hunks equipment! Oh, and any equipment the others lost, I guess.

EAT IT

I second the look for lizard hunk's "equipment" option. As in Kevros's.

...

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)03:45 No. 433805 ID: b3ca75
File 134252193604.png - (7.59KB , 550x500 , 75.png )

>Identify PINK OBJECT
It’s an Automatic pink hair remover golem 84T3, Master edition. It the girl’s best friend, if she had hair that is…
> Paladin, heal thyself.
Kevros cannot heal himself, he can only heal others. Hans is out of mana and thus can’t heal either.
>Reach out to it with your mind. Try to tap into it's awesome magical potential!
You are unable to tap into its might, it’s just too powerful!
>Welp nothing to do but use your awesome powers of a vessal of indeterminate nature to eat the gem.
Best idea!

You feast upon the gem, consuming it with vigor as never seen before. You can feel it, oh yes, you can feel the power! ULTIMATE ARCANE POWER! YOU HAVE BECOME A GOD AMONG MEN! YOU HAVE BECOME DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)03:45 No. 433806 ID: b3ca75
File 134252194802.png - (7.29KB , 550x500 , 76.png )

Too bad the destruction includes you.

-Your party has died-

Thermonuclear explosion
It's a giant mushroom... maybe it's FRIENDLY! Friendly mushroom! Mushy giant friend!

>Wait no thats stupid. Lets bring it back to the guild.
Yes, lets…

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)03:45 No. 433807 ID: b3ca75
File 134252195741.png - (22.34KB , 800x600 , 77.png )

> well still have a nexus to find. with that said LOOK for nexus, liz
well, lads, it seems that the high magnitude of magic the wizard picket up was that artifact as there doesn’t seem to be a nexus nearby. So let’s bring it back to the wizards and maybe we’ll get a bonus! this is a lot more interesting than some old nexus after all, aye?
Ja, let’s head back so I can fix my fabulous looks!
Wait, when did they wake up?
> I got an idea! Lets look for lizard hunks equipment!
You’ve already found all your equipment.
> look for lizard hunk's "equipment"
His armor is in the way, get him naked first.
wait, w-what?

> How can you forget daddy? And fetch quests? And eating THE PIZZA ELEMENTALl? And recruiting Mr. Coffee? And the bragging rights reward? And the sex change magicks? And the hot spring scene? And LESBIANS?
Don’t forget dairy queen!
> hot spring scene
This is now highest priority!
> And we still need to protect Kev from future virgin sacrifices.
I d-don’t know if I should be happy or afraid…

I for one actually came prepared and bought a scroll of town portal, so when you are ready well leave for the city CITY.

let's head home.

What about looting Pride's throne room? If that throne is made of real gold and/or gems, we could sell it for a nice profit.

>>433807
Liz, I gotta ask. Are you actually a lesbian or do you just like alliteration?

Yeah let's get back home- wait no what about looting the treasury? There must be a treasury here. WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANY LOOT DAMMIT go explore the castle-type area to the east.

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)06:17 No. 433817 ID: b3ca75
File 134253104492.png - (10.62KB , 800x600 , 78.png )

>What about looting Pride's throne room?
>looting the treasury?
The goblins seem to have looted everything of value on their way out. They even took everything that was nailed down and/or on fire! They even drew mustaches on all the paintings (the fiends)!
You do find the treasury eventually, but it’s empty like the rest of the place. Only thing you find is an “IOU 1 billion gold, have to buy weed and condoms – goblins” note and a XL pack of deluxe brand condoms the goblins probably dropped. Well, that was a waste of time.

>Liz, I gotta ask. Are you actually a lesbian or do you just like alliteration?
You can swing both ways, really. You do have a little problem with other species though (just look at all that hair! Ick!).

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)06:17 No. 433818 ID: b3ca75
File 134253105333.png - (14.25KB , 697x552 , 79.png )

>let's head home.
-port! Home sweet home, eh?
…ow…
ah, the mercenaries have returned. Well, how did it go? Did you find the nexus? Did anyone get flayed alive in the name of SCIENCE? Did you defeat the dragon/demon/monster guardian? Please, do tell, do tell…

We seduced a lizard, changed a goblin's gender, lost and found our head voices, drowned someone who claimed to be a god, almost broke the world again and triggered a very obvious trap! Also we found a magic rock. It looks tasty.

>loot: condoms
This game apparently has an even more one-track mind than us!

We took down the dragon / lizard wizard guardian, and in that sense, I suppose he died for SCIENCE. Nexus was a bust, we found this magic gem thing instead.

tell 'em about the gem.

tell them not to eat it.

> You can swing both ways, really.
The world is changing, drags are changing, even men and women are changing. Thousand years from now, there'll be no guys and no girls, just wankers. If you can't change Kevros' sex, feminize him.

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)08:54 No. 433829 ID: b3ca75
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>This game apparently has an even more one-track mind than us!
The creator is clearly some kind of pervert.
>We seduced a lizard, changed a goblin's gender, lost and found our head voices, drowned someone who claimed to be a god, almost broke the world again and triggered a very obvious trap!
…uh, well then…
And Nexus was a bust.
But we did found this weird gem.
Is that a…? Did you guys really found a…? Oh my! Uh… Excellent! This is an improvement from the initial objective! Here, please accept this bonus as a thank you from the guild!
Wait, wh-
here is your gold! Please excuse me, I have pressing matters to attend to. Bye!
But what about the nexus stuff, ja?
uh… oh right, give it here, contract completed and all that. Now, bye!
>tell them not to eat it.
Please tell me that you didn’t try to eat it... oh, got to run, bye!

-You gain-
(2000/4 + 10%) 550 gold!
you lost mystical gem
you lost map/compass/nexus thingy

Kaktus 2012/07/17(Tue)08:54 No. 433830 ID: b3ca75
File 134254046147.png - (15.35KB , 697x552 , 81.png )

Thou has succeeded in thy quest! Congratulation! Thou are now all official member of the mercenary guild! Here is thy gold for thee work!

-Quest completed!-
+10xp
+1500g!
-500g (guild fee)
-200g (insurance against pizza elementals)
-300g (for the skeletal widow fund)
+ 10% (50g)
LEVEL UP!
you gain a level at the end of the day!
Current gold: 1270gold

woo, beer run!
ja, hans is for all the beer!
I-I better get cleaned up. See you later, right…
I would suggest that thou visit the mess hall for lunch and meet the regular members of our guild.

Current action available:
-Go for lunch (meet new faces)
-Beer run! (With special guest Hans and Helga)
-Shopping trip! (Got ze gold, man)
- Stalk kevros(pervert)
-other (I dunno)