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File 130473004858.png - (96.02KB , 929x882 , Dungeoncrawlers000.png )
301976 No. 301976 ID: a9ba96

Well, uh... first, let's just get this out of the way.

The village that hired me to deal with their goblin issue is now on fire. That's uh, that's usually a pretty bad thing, but I think this would be a good time to weigh the positives and the negatives of this particular scenario.

The negative is, uh, obviously the fact that I've accidentally set this village on fire.

The positive is uh... well, I'm almost completely certain that the goblin they wanted gone has burned to death with... everyone else. I clearly won't be getting paid for it, due to the aforementioned death of everyone in the village, but, uh, that goblin was a pest, and doing good deeds is a reward in and of itself, right?
344 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 309393 ID: 00d3d5

>>309253
"Honestly? There's a bunch of Paladins on the way here. We're just trying to get a reward out of the town before they show up and kill everybody."
>>
No. 309495 ID: 1854db

I dunno if it's a good idea to toss us when there's more than one enemy around and we can't really predict what will happen afterwards.

The guy has a weapon under his cape, so cut off his cape. He'll be disarmed, so you can knock him out or kick him over or do whatever you feel is needed, and slash the other guy in the back (quick, non-lethal, distracting, painful) to help the Prince. He didn't react well to just being held up so you need to demonstrate that you WILL hurt him if he doesn't give up.
>>
No. 309552 ID: 28e94e

>>309253
Throw us at the guy attacking Samwell, and tackle the other guy.
>>
No. 309584 ID: eba49f

I support the 'paladins are coming' option. Say something like:

"You should know that there is a team of Paladins coming this way that know about the Kobolds. If you tell us what we want, this whole affair can be resolved before the Paladins find out about about you."
>>
No. 311595 ID: a9ba96
File 130774816465.png - (165.64KB , 484x526 , dungeoncrawlers102.png )
311595

I make a quick slash, cutting through the pendant connecting the thief's cape. The cape drops to the ground, along with whatever weapon the elf backs up and holds both hands in front of his face.

>"I surrender! I surrender! Please don't hurt me!"
"You should know that there's a team of Paladins coming this way that know about the Kobolds. If you tell us what we want, this whole affair can be resolved before the Paladins find out about about you."
>"Whatever you say!"
"Good. Stay right there, I'll be right back."
>>
No. 311596 ID: a9ba96
File 130774824093.png - (106.82KB , 350x399 , dungeoncrawlers103.png )
311596

I push past him and charge his partner from behind.

THWACK
>"Hnngh!"

The female thief falls to the ground, dazed.
>>
No. 311597 ID: a9ba96
File 130774826799.png - (166.64KB , 518x415 , Dungeoncrawlers104.png )
311597

The Prince looks to me with a smile.
>“Good show, my friend. This ruffian never knew what hit her.”
“Uh, thanks.”

I look down at the elf.
“What are you trading with the Kobolds?”
>“Screw you.”

The male elf calls out to his partner from behind.
>“Nessya, there’s paladins on their way to the town , and these guys say they know about the deal.”
She sighs.
>“Damn it…”
“Please, tell us what’s going on. We don‘t want any trouble, alright?”
>“…There’s this girl from the town who’s working with the Kobolds. She’s got them convinced they’ve nabbed her, but she’s really using the Kobolds to trade with us. She’s been giving us a lot of money, and we’ve been giving her weapons. Military-grade stuff, not the junk you find on the merchants out here.”
“And how are you getting your hands on military-grade weapons?”
>“…We know the right people.”
“Well, do you know what she wants the weapons for?”
>“No idea. Didn’t really care, as long as we were getting paid.”
“You don’t know why she would-”

The Prince suddenly cuts me off.
>“Mark, my good friend. It’s obvious that these petty thieves have no idea what’s going on. All peasants like these two care about is getting their hands on gold, they care not at whose expense! But I have an idea - just because these two are oblivious to whatever grand scheme they’ve gotten themselves caught up in doesn’t mean they’re of no use to us. Our next stop is the Kobold camp, yes? I’ve little doubt that the sneaky little rats have laid all sorts of traps along the way to their camp. I say we make these two walk the path for us first, to check for any nasty surprises those Kobolds may have left for us.”
He laughs a bit to himself before continuing.
>“What do you say, Mark? After trying to mug you and trying to kill me, it’s the least they can do to make it up to us!”
>>
No. 311600 ID: 1854db

How are they fitting military-grade weapons in bags that fit in the bucket? What are they trading exactly? Certainly not swords.

Perhaps we could use them to scout the path to the kobolds... Their skills would be of use in avoiding any traps set up there, and we can exchange that service for their freedom. Or at least, a promise that their punishment will not be as severe.
>>
No. 311604 ID: 35e1a0

hmm, yes. they are elves, and thieves at that. they should be good at finding traps and such. if they can spot 2 traps before us, each, they can go free. throwing them upon traps is a bit mean. oh and hold their gold. tell them if they get you ALL the way to the camp safely they can have i back.
>>
No. 311612 ID: 252e1b

>>311600

They trade the location of a cache of weapons they placed prior to the exchange, of course. They get paid, they leave a note explaining where the weapons are, and that's the end of that deal.

So, where is the latest cache hidden? We can spy on the rebels or bandits or whatever who the girl is supplying if we're fast.

These two thieves are jerks, no doubt about it, but we're not going to the kobold camp now. We're going to the cache site.

As for punishments, they should be remanded to the custody of Old Bow Guy and the rest of the town. Since this area is not under the jurisdiction of any greater authority, the town can decide what to do with them (be it forgiven, punished somehow, or given to the paladins for punishment).

At least, that's the just thing to do.
>>
No. 311619 ID: eba49f

We don't want them to go in front of us unwillingly because they could alert any guards, and if they see a trap they might avoid it without telling us about it.
Something we might do is offer them a cut of the Kobold's gold if they help us stop them (pointing out that this is the only way they are going to get any more money out of them).

The whole weapons deal thing still doesn't explain why they needed to meet in the town, so there is more going on here than just a weapons deal.
>>
No. 311628 ID: 40cb26

Good questions, but what we ask first is that they give all the details about this they know. Anything they neglect to mention, evade or just doesn't sound right, press them on.
>>
No. 311647 ID: 28e94e

>>311619
This is a solid suggestion.
>>
No. 311675 ID: a9ba96
File 130775731077.png - (127.26KB , 530x727 , Dungeoncrawlers105.png )
311675

Good idea. Before we decide what to do with these guys, we better press for a bit more information. Something doesn't seem right here.

"Why the town, though? Is this whole "Kobolds hold up town to use well" thing necessary?"
>"It's her idea, not ours. I don't know what she wants to do, but she says it won't work unless the people are afraid of the Kobolds."
"What weapons are you trading with the Kobolds, anyway? The bag seems a bit small for swords."
>"Whatever weapons she needs this week. We use bags of holding for our trades, we can put whatever we want in it."
"A bag of holding? That's some pretty powerful magic, and you don't exactly strike me as mighty wizards. Where are you getting your hands on those?"
>"...Like I said, we know the right people."
"And what people do you know?"
>"I might be a bit more inclined to tell you if your friend wasn't holding his sword to my neck."
>"And I might be a bit more inclined to slip if you don't keep talking, thief."
"She dropped her bag when she attacked you, Samwell, let me check it for the weapons they were... wait, where did the bag go?"

Suddenly, a voice rings out.

>"What's the problem? Something missing?"

Oh gods damn it.
>>
No. 311677 ID: a9ba96
File 130775761922.png - (364.76KB , 755x689 , Dungeoncrawlers106.png )
311677

>"Fancy running into you all the way out here, huh?"
"Oh for fu- Mary! How long have you guys been following us?"

Oh gods, these guys. They call themselves "The Pack," and they've pretty much been my rivals ever since I started adventuring. They've made it a habit at this point to follow me around and ruin my day.

Their leader, Mary, is pretty much the most irritating, pestering kleptomaniac I've ever met.

She's also my sister, but that's beyond the point.
>>
No. 311683 ID: 65d267

>>311677
Wow she has like, a whole party. Why don't you have a part-- nevermind.
>>
No. 311685 ID: 35e1a0

"look, we are in the middle of something, are you saying you want in or to take over the case?"
>>
No. 311686 ID: 0d095c

Yeah. These guys. Are utterly pathetic.

Remember all those mean things we said about you at the start? These guys are worse. They are following a ROOKIE around. Interfering in ACTUAL CRIMES. Because they are douchebags. FUCK THESE GUYS.

Where are those Knight Templar Paladins? I miss their honesty with themselves.
>>
No. 311687 ID: 40cb26

Yes, there is something missing that is evidence which matters a great deal to the paladins. No matter what was in it, it wouldn't be worth the trouble to take that now would it? Certainly there is better chance for profit in someone being helpful than pissing them off, don't you agree?
>>
No. 311695 ID: 1854db

>>311677
Just ask her what's in it.

Also you say they're your rivals... do they do good deeds? If so, how do they handle having a klepto in their party?
>>
No. 311858 ID: eba49f

>>311695
They probably do things the way most of your less scrupulous adventurer types do things. Kill some monsters or bandits threatening a village, then rummage through the houses looking for valuables.

If you have successfully been a rival to four guys (some mages, even!) by yourself, that means you are either better than we have seen so far or these guys are utter losers .
>>
No. 311859 ID: 0d095c

I'm going with utter losers, since our buddy's most notable achievements are accidentally freeing psychotic killers and burning down villages, and he's a good guy.

These guys must be such ABJECT FAILURES at being good, they've become pitiful bullies and thieves. And they've FAILED AT THAT TOO since the only guy they're antagonizing is MARK, plaything of the universe. Don't worry Mark, you're better than them. Just tell them about the squad of Paladins who want that bag.

Or better yet, find the Girl and her kobolds, and have them kill these losers. The buggers'll never see it coming.
>>
No. 311860 ID: eba49f

>>311859
Now that you mention it...
Kobolds are fond of making traps
You have some incompetent adventurers bugging you
Witless adventurers make much better trap detectors than coerced thieves, as the thieves could notice a trap then purposely avoid it without disarming it. And I admit I am curious to how these guys would do in a fight against a kobold band.
>>
No. 311893 ID: c2f34f

>>311677
"Lovely."
Turn to the thieves
"You two can go, or we can see about hiring you as scouts. The paladins won't bother you either way."
Turn back to your sister
"Unfortunately for you they WILL want both that bag and its contents, and I'll need it in order to sort this out before they arrive."
>>
No. 311903 ID: a9ba96
File 130781560861.png - (122.74KB , 492x480 , Dungeoncrawlers107.png )
311903

Mary formed The Pack after we kicked her out of our adventuring group for stealing everything that isn’t nailed down. They only help when helping is profitable, and even then they’re more likely to shake you down for more then you offered if they’re not happy with the reward. Most the time, they just ambush travelers and take their stuff or raid dungeons.

It’s not like I’m the only guy they pester or anything, it’s just that Mary won’t pass up a good opportunity to screw up whatever I’m trying to do if we cross paths, and in the outlands you tend to cross paths with rivaling adventuring groups a lot. These guys really aren’t my rivals as much as they were my old adventuring group’s rivals, but ever since my group slit up Mary decided to shift attention to mostly just antagonizing me.

I really wish I could say that these guys are as incompetent as you insist I am, but unfortunately they’re pretty effective at what they do. What they do being, uh, well, being giant jerks to everyone they meet.

Samwell looks over his shoulder.
>“Friends of yours?”
No.
>>
No. 311905 ID: a9ba96
File 130781570681.png - (167.66KB , 351x541 , Dungeoncrawlers108.png )
311905

The Pack consists of four members. My sister Mary is head of the group, and specializes in being a pest and taking things that don’t belong to her. She’s not as big a threat as her henchmen here, though.

Tur Hillgrinder is the Dwarf. He’s actually pretty short for a Dwarf, which is a pretty amazing feat, all things considered. It’s a pretty touchy subject for him - it’s likely that one of his parents was a Gnome, but you would be a fool to suggest that in front of his face. He compensates for his size by wielding really, really big weapons.

The Elf’s name is Furor Eternity. He has that whole “dark, brooding quiet guy” thing going on, I guess as an attempt to come off as mysterious or something. The guy doesn’t say much, but he’s a pretty talented mage, if not a bit reckless in his spell casting.

The little girl is Eline. She’s really not that bad, but she considers the rest of The Pack her friends and does what they tell her to. She’s a novice sorcerer on her own, but she has all sorts of crazy pendants and jewels that she wears that increase her abilities to ridiculous levels. The drawback is that she lacks the experience to properly control that much power, which only makes her more dangerous when she's nervous.

“Mary, there’s something big going on here and there’s paladins on their way. When they come, they’re going to want the bag you just stole as evidence. Can you please, for once in your life, not complicate things more than they already are? Just give us the bag, okay? I’m sure you don’t want the paladins after you.”
>“Hmm, it’s a tempting offer, but I think if we leave now we can be long gone before the smite crew arrives.”
“If you help us out with this, I’m sure you and your friends could get something out of it.”
>“I have a better idea. How about we take the bag, and you let us take the bag, or else Eline is going to magic you in the face.”
>“I…I am?”
>“Yes Eline, you are.”
>“O..Okay then, M-miss Mary.”
>>
No. 311916 ID: 1854db

>>311905
Three powerful adventurers against two moderately-equipped swordsmen... not good odds. We'd have to turn them against eachother somehow to stand any chance at winning a fight.

No, the best way to go here is to not argue about the bag. Instead, how about we 'accidentally' reveal the location of the kobold camp and that the thieves have been getting all their gold by dealing with them? She'd want that gold. We'll be sending her directly into an enemy camp that has a bunch of military-grade weapons.

Then we just follow behind her and watch as her group takes all the heat. Then we can (hopefully) find the leader and capture her to stop the fight.
>>
No. 311918 ID: 40cb26

"You can get away from this group of them for now, but think about it. Do you want to be on the paladins shit list or do you want to be in their good graces? Maybe you don't mind being known to the paladins as thieves and wanted for questioning in all of this, but what about your friends? Especially cute little Eline who still has her whole life ahead of her? Consider the long term effects of what you do for once."

And yes you will kinda sorta flirt with the girl. Deal with it, it's innocent enough and her embarrassment will be as dangerous to them as you.
>>
No. 311928 ID: 0d095c

Point out that getting everyone declared "Kill on sight" outlaws is NOT very conducive to the groups continued un-decapitatedness. And point out that the paladins can SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING. Right now. DON'T let on that the magic necklace does it, but do say that the paladin's are scrying this area or something.
>>
No. 311951 ID: 35e1a0

yes "well, if you DON'T want to get a bag of holding full of gold then take that bag you got."
>>
No. 311967 ID: 00d3d5

>>311905
"That sounds like a reasonable plan, up until you consider that the paladins are hunting a mass murderer that was last seen in this area, and stealing smuggled weapons that might be related and evidence of said weapon smuggling is a death sentence.
It's not worth it, Mary. I'll have to rat you out for this, and they will hunt you down for it.

I'm serious! I'm not even getting PAID for this! They just press-ganged me into service because they needed an advance scout!"
>>
No. 311974 ID: 00d3d5

>>311967
"Kingdom paladins, not outlands! They don't do that!"
>>
No. 311983 ID: 252e1b

Give us to your sister, she's probably more fun than you.
>>
No. 312014 ID: a9ba96
File 130782744611.png - (74.31KB , 286x445 , Dungeoncrawlers109.png )
312014

"Mary, consider the long term effects of things you do for once in your life. The Paladins are on their way investigating a mass murderer who was last seen in the same town these weapons were being exchanged in before killing everyone in a village as it burned to the ground. If they end up connecting the two, then being found in possession of smuggled weapons that may be linked to the murderer would be a death sentence for you and your crew. They will hunt you down, and I don't think you want to throw your life away over a couple of swords."
>"Oh, you mean the mass murderer you let free in the town you burned down?"
"What the... how did you kn-"
>"I didn't. I had a hunch though. And now I have a confession. See how that "being smarter than you" thing works?"
"..."
>"Me and the rest of The Pack saw a town burning down yesterday and figured it would be good looting material, but we had to wait for the paladins to leave. They left this stupid Goblin who gave us a pretty good description of a guy who looked like you to us locked in the stocks, and he offered to tell me where a pair of thieves with a lot of weapons met if we let him go."
"Did, uh...did you?"
>"Haha, nope. Stupid Goblin..."
She pauses.
>"Hmm, they've been exchanging these weapons, you say?"
"...N..no."
>"Whatever. How about this- you show us where the guys these elves have been trading with are, and you can have the bag back, deal?"
"..."
>"Oh, it's not like I'm too worried about the Paladins anyway. The group patrolling around here is led by your old girlfriend, so I'm pretty sure she would have given me a break even if they caught us. What do you say, Mark?"

I hate Mary so much.
>>
No. 312022 ID: 0d095c

Yeah. She ain't gonna be givin HER a break. Thank god for psychic balls.

Also, Mark, your sister is kind of a bitch. I'd tell you to kick the hell out of her, but she'd just cheat and make you look stupid. Still. KOBOLDS. Go find them, team up with the Evil Little Girl, AND KILL YOUR EVIL SISTER.
>>
No. 312024 ID: 35a114

>>312014
Bluh what an ugly cow. Clearly you got all the looks from your parents, while she got all the bitch. As for what to do here I'm actually all for just going "fuck it" and forgetting about that town. I mean is there any real reason you need to be doing this goody two shoes shit? There isn't even a reward or anything! I say just set off in whatever direction Egias is in.
>>
No. 312033 ID: 00d3d5

>>312014
"First, that murderer was already caught and headed in a different direction.
Second, the Paladins already know about that, and don't care.
Third, they're periodically scrying the area around me and sending me messages.
Fourth, yes, ok, Lin is here, but she's not the only group. I don't know who this guy killed, but the Paladins were out in force looking for him when they noticed the town.
...
Ok, fine. I'm not supposed to talk about this, but he's suspected of regicide and it'll be war if his head isn't on a pike soon. You need to get out of here before you get caught up in this, and if there's even a possibility that you took evidence that could prove who killed who then they are going to hunt you down.
I mean, shit! I burned a town down and they're calling it even for me scouting leads! Do you not realize the magnitude of how serious things are when a bunch of smite-happy brutes think that's fair?"
>>
No. 312041 ID: 1854db

I don't agree with trying to weave a web of lies.

Let's just trade the bag of gold for the bag of weapons.
>>
No. 312044 ID: 35e1a0

tell her where the bold camp is and let her group stumble into those traps.
>>
No. 312198 ID: eba49f

Making a complicated story up is currently much more trouble than it is worth. (The exception being that we should avoid telling them about the prince. They might try ransoming {though if they do we could just point out that there is nobody who would pay for him}).

>>312044
Seconding this, but we should not act too eager to get them to go to the camp first. We should ask them how we know they will give us the bag if we tell them where the elves's contact is.
>>
No. 315474 ID: a9ba96
File 130859046372.png - (209.83KB , 633x513 , Dungeoncrawlers110.png )
315474

"Mary... let's pretend, just for the sake of argument, that I decide to ignore everything you've ever done and help you. How do I know I'm going to get that bag when we're done?"
>"You don't. That's the fun of it, you're gonna have to take my word for it. Just like old times, Mark!"
"Mary, you're going to have to do better than that if you want our help."
>"Unless you have something better to give us, it's the only way you're gonna get this bag."
>>
No. 315476 ID: 35e1a0

pause and look like you are thinking about it. then sigh and be like "fine, i guess i have no choice" and then let them run down the trapped path to the kobold's camp
>>
No. 315478 ID: 00d3d5

>>315474
Sigh "Fine, we'll do it your way."
Let her lead.

Turn to the thieves and say "You're both pretty smart and clever. If you want to come along I'll pay you for your work. Just show them all the traps on the way to the kobold camp - easy work since you've been meeting them there every day."
>>
No. 315480 ID: 07416a

LIIIIN!!! MARK IS ACTUALLY SOLVING A PROBLEM FOR ONCE BUT THERE A BITCH NEEDS KILLING WHO IS FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!
>>
No. 315481 ID: 252e1b

Wait, Mark, I have the answer.

Set the bag on fire.
>>
No. 315528 ID: 1854db

Hmm. She wants something better, eh?

Let's look in the bag o weapons to see what's in it. Maybe we can bargain something from that.
>>
No. 316724 ID: a9ba96
File 130884018283.png - (302.97KB , 537x596 , Dungeoncrawlers111.png )
316724

"...Fine. I guess we'll do things your way."

The easiest way to get these guys off our backs would probably be leading them into a trap on the way to the camp. I turn to the two Thieves.

"You're both pretty clever. If you guys want your bag back, I'm going to need for you guys to check for traps on the way to the camp and show them to my friends."

The male thief, still shaken up, quickly agrees.
>"S..Sure! We'll do whatever you want!"

A sly smirk spreads across the female thief's face as she nods her head. She seems to have caught on.
>>
No. 316725 ID: a9ba96
File 130884031665.png - (118.25KB , 342x453 , Dungeoncrawlers112.png )
316725

>"Well if that's settled, I'm getting tired of standing around here. You losers ready to get moving?"
>>
No. 316726 ID: a9ba96
File 130884076666.png - (107.14KB , 362x609 , Dungeoncrawlers113.png )
316726

"Yeah. I'd say we're ready."

You know what? I wasn't sure what to make of you guys at first. Frankly, I was a worried that I had found a necklace built to insult the user or something. But after spending a bit of time with you, I think you may have been just what I needed.

If I'm to be a great hero, the kind whose legends live on through the generations, I need to be able to think on my feet. I've made my fair share of mistakes, sure, but with you guys in tow...

I think we just might be able to make this work.
>>
No. 316727 ID: a9ba96
File 130884097762.png - (4.30KB , 633x513 , blank5.png )
316727

Well then, let's go.
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