Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)10:03 No. 268484 ID: f604d6
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NOT ON MY WATCH!

It's time for a...

NOVA PORI DOUBLE TANGO Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)10:03 No. 268486 ID: f604d6
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...NOVA PORI DOUBLE TANGO.

CHAPTER 1 Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)10:09 No. 268487 ID: f604d6
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Well anyway I'm just an agent so all I can do is assemble a team of champions to do the manual labor.

I'm wielding my trusty BIM computer laptop and a superfast internet connection, so I guess I should start looking for recruits at heronet.org.
The question is, what kind of people do I need to make a powerful team?

A violent, yet attractive woman to provide the necessary firepower.
With very Freudian guns etc.

>>268488
Yes that will do nicely.

You also need a incompetent jock with extreme physical power who for some reason turns into a mildmannered scientist when he gets a headache or hit with cold water. Warm water turns him back.

What kinda people are available on heronet.org anyways?
Can we get a wizard or a cyborg or something?
If yes get a cyber-wizard.
Also female.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)10:27 No. 268491 ID: f604d6
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Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Listen, guys, that's pretty cool and rad to the max and all that jazz but how about starting with the team leader? Because that seems like it'd make sense and all, you know.

And keep in mind there's like a flabilliardion or heroes in the database so we need to think a little here. Filter the hits a bit. Shift the gold nuggets from the shitpile, if you catch my proverbial drift.

>>268487
The profile pictures are always fake. You're looking at a bunch of lonely fat guys who want to be superheroes. Just find the ugliest profiles you can.

Lets make it all chicks, that filters a bit at least.
Team leader should be a cyber-logician rigged with tactics implants.
Are your funds limited anyways?

>>268491
Team leader should of course be someone in red tights. Who is not particularly strong or smart, but in possession of tactical genius.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)10:54 No. 268496 ID: f604d6
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Uh, yeah, see, you're not getting it.

Look, budget ain't a problem... well, at least not yet.

Now, see here, heroes with actual superpowers are only available to Gold Accounts. Which I don't have. Because, uh, it's technical.

And clothes don't come up in the search. The employer - that'd be me, myself and I in this case - provides the uniforms and other nickamawhats and whatamaknacks.

En ee ways, like I already said, there's a flotagedrillion of heroes in the database so we need a minimum of something like a six tags to get a manageable result. And don't do negative attributes, that's just dumb. Just list the top positive attributes, I'm sure a sufficient pile of flaws is included in the package.

So yeah, the team leader. Tactician, check. Inspiring, maybe? Does ambition sound good in a leader? Throw me a bone here!

>>268496
male attractive x-ray flight indestructable holy

>>268496
intelligent, charismatic, dat ass, female, cybernetic head-ware, military background

>>268496
Strong, Brave, laser guns, cigar chomping, badass longcoat.

>>268496
Inspiring and ambitious as fuck! Oh, and he has all the plots. There isn't a situation where he won't go "Just as planned." because it's always just as he planned.

Could be he's also suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. But that just makes it more fun.

Then you need some ninja commando style kind of guy. Possibly a canadian lumberjack commando with some ninja training thrown in.

Oh, and some doctor chick who is wicked in a fight with a scalpel. Bonus points if she is deadly accurate with thrown scalpels and crossbows.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)12:07 No. 268507 ID: f604d6
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OK, here's one:

Sergeant Major Skalfak, B.E.
Rating: 4.5/5

Sole survivor of the infamous Invasion of Rape Island - the one where EVERYONE died. On both sides. Including the local civilians.

Has cybernetic implant.

"It's only five machinegun nests, one little minefield and a dozen yards of razorwire, what are you afraid of?"

Yeah.

I'm cool with this if you are.

Sounds badass. Any pictures of this guy?

>>268507
Seems like a decent choice. Now onwards to the next ones, also going to need a greasemonkey mechanic, who can have some wicked cybernetic implants to make fiddling around with machines easier.

Oh, and some pompous arrogant sniper asshole.

Seems determined to get the job done.
But yeah, show us the picture.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)12:26 No. 268513 ID: f604d6
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Sorry guys, but heronet.org recently changed their policy and now you need a Silver Account - which I don't have because, uh, it's technical - to view images.
It loads faster nowadays though.

Anyway, yeah, who's next? Let's find a doc, because that's pretty important. I mean, like, man, it's a pain in the ass if you have to go to the hospital every time you get a little scratch or bruise, right?
Should we go for a field type'a doc or a more specialized rear echelon type? On one hand a paramedic would be immediately available if the guys get hurt, but on the other hand something like a surgeon could make more extensive repairs IF you get ye wounded evacuated in time.

>>268513
Well, it might be clichéd. But go for the mad German variant.
You can get one that's hunted for crimes against humanity with lots of experience for half the price.
Normally they are also good with improvisation.

>>268513
Get one who can do both! Well maybe not the specialised brain surgery. But you know, can handle themselves, are badass with a pair of scalpels in their hands and knows how to stop bleeding and take out bullets.

>>268516

Seconding this. Mad scientists are usually pretty good at improvised surgery and stuff

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)13:20 No. 268523 ID: f604d6
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Let's see, doctor, German, mad, lack of unnecessary moral inhibitions, hmh hm mh hmm...

Wow, two entire hits.

Doktor Von Kippe, S.S.W.
Rating: 4/5

50 years of medical experience, talks to self occasionally, alcoholic.

"FRAULEIN, YOU ARE NOT ZE DOKTOR HERE. I VILL NOV KURE ZE BOY'S SPRAINED ANKLE VITH BRAIN ZURGERY."

Cool.

Doktor Vergewaltiger, G.D.
Rating: 4.5/5

26 years of medical experience, smokes pipe, served two years as a Panzergrenadier.

"I believe a skalpel is a kompletely valid replazement for ze bayonet."

Man, I can't choose.

>>268523
Oh fuck they're both good. Can't you hire both? I mean you said funds were not that big a deal, we can have the bayonet one out in the field and the alcoholic one back in the base. But if we must pick one I say Doktor Vergewaltiger.

Shall we look up mechanics next? Preferably one with lots of augments and possibly tits. You know one that feels that you can't really take care of machines properly until you got a little bit of machine in you as well.

>>268523
"Es ist kein Mensch, es ist kein Tier, es ist ein Panzergrenadier"

Do you even have to ask?
We need someone with combat experience like Doktor Vergewaltiger.

>>268523
Von Kippe. He's a genius.

And stop eating your silly fast food. This is serious, you know.

>>268523
Take von kippe. He's alcoholic and has 50 years of experience - he knows how to treat a liver.

Besides, PR reasons. You know, if the newspapers have headlines like "Another woman in distress saved by Vergewaltiger"... No man, not working.

I'm going to go with Vergewaltiger. His experience as a Panzergrenadier means that we have a doctor who also has combat experience. That's rather important in assembling a team.

>>268524

Seconding the suggestion to find some sort of mechanic/tech expert next. Augmentations highly recommended. Tits optional, but a plus.

Vergewaltiger!

Vergewaltiger also has the higher rating, by half a point. That should count for something.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)14:30 No. 268534 ID: f604d6
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Vergewaltiger it is.

OK, next up, the technically minded member. Do we want a reg'lar greasemonkey or a high-tech enjineer or some jack-a'-all-trades? We can really only choose one at this point, since there's a size limit to the team. Union rules and that sorta thing.
I know, I know, two tekkies sounds all cool and excellent, but what do we do with two enjineers if we need a demoman, pilot or paleobotanist but ain't got one?

P.S. Making a note here: Kreme Krabs are fucking awesome.

>size limit
So what's about that anyways, don't wanna clog up the team with support dudes and not having room left for heavy hitters.

jack-a'-all-trades is prob the better choice here. Maybe someone who got some high tech background but had to leave the ivory towers behind to get all down and dirty.
Also tits. You know, one of those chicks that are all cute and mosey. But look gorgeous when you look beyond the jumpsuit and the grease.
Some cybernetic parts don't hurt of course.

>>268534
An important feature for an engineer, is the ability to fix equipment, tamper with random mechanisms that may get in his path and build machines (like gun turrets) on the spot.

So Jack of all trades might be best bet.

>>268534
High tech engineer with a big amoung of augments and an intrest in giving people prosthetics. Wheter they want them or not.

Agreeing to the jack-of-all-trades.

Also, knowing how many people can be hired would be like super-useful. There are still some roles left to fill. We need one weapons/explosives expert, at the very least.

A Jack of all trades sounds like a good idea, maybe one leaning a bit more towards a high-tech focus.

As mentioned before, look for someone with at least some physical augmentation. Some cybernetic parts, maybe a robotic arm or something. Comes in handy during combat.

Girl recommended, but not necessary

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)15:25 No. 268559 ID: f604d6
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Well, this seems to be taking longer than I expected, so maybe we should just stick to a skeleton crew of 5. We can recruit more when we get the ball rolling, up to 8 members total. If I didn't have a Bronze Account it'd only be 6.

Here's one that catches me ol' eye:

Ka, D.A.K.
Rating: wrench/5

Interests include and are limited to machines, booze, machines, sex, machines and machines.

"'International Safety Standards Treatise' is some sort of foreign pastry I think."

Grease monkey, the lone straight man of the team, forced to repair everything destroyed in the shenanigans dreamed up by the psychopathic leader and mad doctor (and all the others). Only an unyielding dedication to the cause of justice (and a thing for women with cybernetic implants) keep him from throwing in the towel.

>>268559
This one seems promising.

Ok now to the next one. Need some sort of demo dude. You know someone who will solve every problem ever with an explosion.

And then some sort of assassin sniper asshole. Who can sneak in anywhere and kill anyone, or just shoot them from a few kms away.

If we're sticking to a basic 5 man team at the moment, then I'd suggest a demolition expert and some sort of sniper.

Sure, machine sex is always fine.

Considering we only have two slots left I'd propose.
-Some some kinda light arms/recon/sniper kinda personality.
and
-Heavy weapons rocket launcher, grenades, oversizes machineguns and such. That also covers whatever an demo man would do.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/02(Sun)15:43 No. 268573 ID: f604d6
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I mean, man, like, it's cool if you want the full team right away. I was just saying we got options if you're in a most extreme hurry to get started. I'm used to this office type work so I'm cool if you want to take the time to get a full team.

But incidentally I'mma need a little break here, so my total babe of a secretary will take over for the time being. You can tell her what you look for in a demoman and she'll get you ye kablooienator.

Play nice now.

>>268573
A smoshed together demoman/heavy weapons dude. Loves explosions and the sound of gunfire. If it can fire a projectile at high speed or make something blow the fuck up then this person loves that thing with an almost creepy obsession.

Yeah, they need to be able to work with everything explosive.
Dynamite, rockets, grenades all that good stuff.
ideally some kinda racist stereotype. Crazy Abdul AlhBomba style.

>>268586
How about a stereotype that no one will expect? Like a laid back surfer dude who is also an explosives expert. His dream is to pile up enough explosives to create a tsunami, and then surf it.

Ms Belkresh 2011/01/02(Sun)16:38 No. 268607 ID: f604d6
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A demolitions specialist who specializes in demolitions and is a stereotype.

Oh look only 12,000,320 hits it will be easy and quick to go through all these I am in awe of your extreme competence.

It would be fine if your testicles were perforated by a torrent of long and thin glass shards and there were razorblades stuck between all of your teeth.

>>268607
A drunken Scottish cyclops that employs possessed medieval bladed weapons in close combat, enjoys taunting his foes remains, and uses his explosives as a means of rapid transit because he just doesn't give a fuck about shit like broken bones.

>>268611

oh you

In all seriousness, I'm actually quite keen on the idea of a heavy weapons specialist with explosives as a secondary skill.

>>268575

Like this

>>268575
I like this

Ms Belkresh 2011/01/02(Sun)17:09 No. 268625 ID: f604d6
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Lick M.
Rating: 5/5

5 years of service as a combat engineer.

"CAN DO, BUT YOU GOTTA STOP WHISPERING."

Next.

It would be fine if you got punched in the kidneys for two hours and you had twenty zits on your tongue.

Okay that's good. Let's get started.

>Some some kinda light arms/recon/sniper kinda personality.
It's like essential.

Last but not least, we need a cool, laid back, kind of cocky sniper-assassin. A professional.

Ms Belkresh 2011/01/02(Sun)17:39 No. 268636 ID: f604d6
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Oh my I do believe you are being quite more specific than truly necessary I may not have anything to do the right person will probably be the only hit because you are so very specific.

It would be fine if you had ants under your foreskin and raw spirits in your nose.

For our sniper, look for someone suave and stylish. The kind of professional who wears fancy suits, sips martinis, and is good with the ladies. Someone with a background in covert ops or some sort of intelligence agency.

Basically, a cool, suave, "Bond" type.

Some kinda angry alcoholic chick that wears leather clothes and swears a lot then.
Prefers older guns over the new fangled stuff.
Sneaks around, braided hair optional.

Can we just get on with it?

Ms Belkresh 2011/01/02(Sun)18:17 No. 268659 ID: f604d6
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Here. My special gift to you.

Esasmus B.D.D.
Rating: 3/5

Trained in all the dark arts of subtlety in the secret Monastery of Mt. Smutmore, graduating top of class. Is however liable to forget a mission in favor of feminine charms.

"They will be shaken and stirred after I'm finishe---BABE ALERT WEEOO WEEOO!"

It would be fine if your shoulders and hips were dislocated.

I fear that kinda nancy might have problems with the Sergeant and Dr. Vergewaltiger.
Any alternatives?

USE, P.A. Ms Belkresh 2011/01/02(Sun)18:39 No. 268675 ID: f604d6
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>>268664
>>Any alternatives?
Here, my favorite alternative.

I like him, let's go

Yeah let's just continue after the pause.

>>268675
I like this woman. She lets the hate flow through her. Can we make her the team's primary contact with command? We could have our every whim filtered by a crucible of sheer malice.

>>268675
Nancy boy will do fine. He's probably quite flexible in all sorts of ways.

Ms Belkresh 2011/01/03(Mon)06:05 No. 268835 ID: f604d6
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I am ever in awe of how very active you have been during my favorite alternative why I could not hope to do a better job myself you are truly champions of all mankind.

And oh my you seem to have five members in your team what a grand achievement I bow before your supreme competence. Surely your extensive wisdom has already helped you decide whether you want to start with a skeleton crew of five or a full team of eight and what skillsets you require if you want the full team.

It would be fine if your bathwater was replaced with toxic waste water full of mutant candiru.

>>268835
Yes I would be fine with that as well. Builds character you know.

Anyway a team of 5 works out as the start up crew. We can add another 3 as we see fit and need them.

I see you enjoyed your break.
Yeah sure lets go on for now. We should have at least all the bases covered and until we get down and dirty we can't know what kinda additional specialists we might need.

Ms Belkresh 2011/01/03(Mon)07:05 No. 268838 ID: f604d6
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Yes indeed it is impossible to predict what kind of specialists one might need in a demonic invasion scenario surely it is better to wait and see if the demonic invasion consists of invasion and demons certainly it would be silly to even consider something like a demonologist before you know if what exactly a demonic invasion might consist of.

It would be fine if I pressed this button which starts the mission before you have time to notice your mistake.

OH WAIT I JUST DID! ENJOY YOUR MISSION! TEE FUCKING HEE.

>>268838
Thank yee kindly mam. We shall find a to persevere. And it's not like you need demonologists to fight demons. Just big fucking guns. DOOM proved that to everyone.

Hope you have a nice day and get to play some more with your delightful toys.

There is no need for any demonsodomist, we will do all the heavy thinking anyways.

>>268838
All that is really needed to fight demons is a man and a half.

Skalfak 2011/01/03(Mon)07:48 No. 268842 ID: f604d6
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Sergeant Major Skalfak reporting in.

We're here at the base. The funds have been transferred: we now have a budget of 1,000,000.

Now we only need...

Skalfak 2011/01/03(Mon)07:48 No. 268843 ID: f604d6
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...More or less everything.

>>268843
Well then lets get some shit set up. You know, weapons armour a vehicle or two and some tools. Like various mechanical gadgets and medical stuff.

Oh, and how do you feel about killing off a horde of deamons?

Some kinda ride. Maybe a big army surplus jeep. our mechanic can make some quick improvements to it.
Weapons for everyone, special equipment for the specialist. Communication equipment.
But we need to interview em about that before. No way they didn't bring at least some personal equipment.

Some fancy ass net-book with access to convenient demon-information databases.

Skalfak 2011/01/03(Mon)08:15 No. 268848 ID: f604d6
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>>Oh, and how do you feel about killing off a horde of deamons?
Take a fucking guess.

>>268848
Oh I really like you. We're going to have so much fun. Lets paint the world in a lovely shade of demon blood. And then maybe some other colours as well. So much fun we shall have.

So, what do you think of the rest, are they up for the task?

Yeah, you have to survey the rest of your team to figure out if they are as much up to the task as you and what equipment they need.

>>268848
Do you prefer to fight demons wearing a sports bra or without? This is relevant. Your boobs are vast.

Also, what happened to your eye?

Skalfak 2011/01/03(Mon)09:15 No. 268858 ID: f604d6
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My boobs and eye are none of your fucking business.

I have a FieldTop and a satellite phone provided by the agency. I'll look around for a second hand jeep while you interview the team. You can then give me a list of what we need.

>>268858
Well you should have some list of what you need and think the others might need. Write one of those down as well and we shall see what we can get. Oh yeah, how do you feel about robbing banks to get extra funds to save the world? Some people might die during the robbery.

Oh and send in the good doctor or the mechanic next. Either one of those should be after the somewhat more expensive stuff.

>>268858
Sounds fine for me.
You have everything you need I guess? Weapon and gear wise I mean.

>>268858

Crap Taken: 0
Idiots Told: 49d6d7

Vergewaltiger 2011/01/03(Mon)09:38 No. 268866 ID: f604d6
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You ask vhat I need, but in fakt ze kvestion is: vhat is ekspekted of me? Sertainly one kan not have too many skalpels or bandages, but should I konsentrate on advanzed field ekvipment or a state-of-ze-art operating room?

>>268866
Well we're going to be fighting demons. So probably stuff you need to treat burns and claw wounds. And possibly sedatives to knock someone out if they get possesed.

Oh, and probably some sort of laboratory for disecting demons, and possibly grafting demon parts to team members. You're probably also going to need to do a fair share of field work as well. Everyone in the team has to pitch in and be a demon killing credit to the team.

>>268866

Field equipment should be geared toward trauma maintenance if they're going to live long enough to benefit from your impressive surgical expertise. There's a new drug, experimental in nature but pretty much tailor made for saving people from massive trauma, see http://labs.fhcrc.org/roth/#metabolic flexibility and suspended animation

With autoinjectors of H2S solution and the basic training in applying tourniquets and the like, any grunt should be able to get an injured fellow into a clinical torpor, and thus be able to make survival until arrival in surgery much more likely.

So I guess I'm saying that we want a surgical theater that can cope with most sorts of trauma surgery. Micro manipulators, endoscopes, heart-lung machines, the works. Because trauma maintenance isn't nearly so hard with the ability to induce clinical torpor.

>>268866
We'd prefer to be able to treat injuries on-site when possible. Since we're fighting demons I'd expect most of the injuries to be from melee weapons and flames, plus a poisoning or two and exactly one gunshot wound (it always happens).

Vergewaltiger 2011/01/03(Mon)12:15 No. 268892 ID: f604d6
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Nov, nov, kinder, it is not kristmas yet. Ve have a limited budget vithin vhich ve need to remain.

Ze basiks vill be akvired obviously, but after zat ve kan either save money or invest in field ekvipment or ze operating room, but not both as such a minor investment vould yield only marginal upgrades. And ve kannot afford ze shiniest toys in either field yet.

>>268892

Then, trauma maintenance is still the best return on our investment. The city should have hospitals of its own that we can use for complicated cases, provided we get our men there alive (hibernating or not).

>>268892
Field equipment first then. We might rob some banks or something later to raise further funds so we can afford some more shiny toys. But first get what you need to be able to keep the team alive in the field, and whatever you might need to fuck up the enemy.

>>268892
Focus on field work. Like the other guy said, we can just take anything we can't handle to the hospital.

>>268902
We kind of want to stay out of hospitols though. Going to have to send in the Spah there to steal whatever we need if shit truly hits the fan.

Skalfak 2011/01/03(Mon)13:23 No. 268913 ID: f604d6
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A contact can get a jeep for 50,000. Basic medicals and field gear go for 200,000. That's a quarter of our budget. The other specialists may have their specific needs, we still need demon-effective weapons and ammo.

And the base could use a little more upgrading than just my cot.

>>268913
We just need some big heavy caibre stuff that's been blessed by some priest dude, maybe some carved runes here and there and stuff. Spy dude and heavy weapons dude shouldn't be too horribly expensive to outfit.

But lets get the mechanic done now. After that we should be done with the two most expensive ones and we will see what we eventually have left for sprucing up the base.

Skalfak 2011/01/03(Mon)14:30 No. 268924 ID: f604d6
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Fucking civilians.

>>268913
Put some barrels and sandbags out to create a firing range. No need for expensive buildings until we have more info on the enemy.

We need to secure the base, but how? For all we know, demons could appear out of thin fucking air. Holy water sprinklers? I mean, really.

Major Skalfag, demand information about demons from HQ.

We'll need some place to research enemy equipment and interrogate demon prisoners, but that's for the future.

Anyway, let's take a look at the rest of the team first and get them combat ready.

ALSO, we totally forgot the MOST important thing: Our team needs a name. A fucking badass NAME.

>>268925
Call them the Demon Fucker Uppers? No that sounds retarded. What about Skalfakers Skullfuckers? Although that doesn't seem quite right either, hmm, howling furies or somehting like that seems so generic.

>>268913

Depleted Uranium. Lots of depleted uranium. Its effective against everything.

Cold Iron too, might be handy. I know traditionally thats more Fey than demons, but you want a selection, until you find out what works.

>>268925
Sergeant Major. Sergeant would still be the short hand for that. Still an NCO, not an actual officer.

PAUSE STILL IN EFFECT Ms Belkresh 2011/01/03(Mon)15:02 No. 268931 ID: f604d6
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>>268925
>>demand information about demons
I warned you about demonologists bro!

I told you dog!

>>268931
Bah, we will be fine without them. Learning on the job is the proper way to go about it.

mmm... we should contact the pope, you know, for blessings and such

THEY ARE BIG. SO THEY MUST HAVE BIG GUTS.

That is all you need to know about demons.

UH OH, MY GEIGER COUNTER SHOWS THAT I AM RADIOACTIVE


THAT CAN'T BE GOOD

RIP AND TEAR

Find a demon hunter business
Buy out their entire stock

Supercomputer
28 Screens
Comm system
Turrets
Tank
Armored Van x 2
List of parts compiled by engi
BFG x 2
Rations for everyone
(We should have hired a cook... an awesome cook)


Lets Rock

Okay, let's just look these demons up on Wikipedia. 100% guarantee that in the last hour at least one person has added up-to-date info on the capabilities of these guys.

Only when we've gotten some actual information can we start buying weaponry.

>>268960
I really doubt we can afford a supercomputer. A tank seems kind of out of our budget range as well.

>>268970
Ok, how about a few normal computers and a truck that will be pimped out to work as doc's mobile base?

i think buying a used ambulance would be better and cheaper then buying a brand new truck and outfitting for the medic

Arrright. *knucklecrack*

On par for defeating demons; Blessed bullets, holy water, sacred machine-oil, the blood/ashes of saints, sanctified weapons, consecrated relics, censors of blessed incense, etc.

Surely there's a market for such things, and a way to find out what would be the most efficient alternative on our budget. If none of you have the contacts for it, I think you could stand spending some of the budget on -getting- those contacts. Fighting demons without proper tools, after all, would be a little hard.

As for upgrading the base; Get equipment lockers in there, and cots for the rest of the team (I'm assuming they're supposed to live here too). That's a start, I believe.

You'll want tools for the engineer, explosives for the demolitions guy and a megaphone for yourself, so you can yell orders he'll actually hear.

Actually, rather than just guess, let's move on. What input does the mechanic, Ka, have on the cost of needs and wants?

Yeah, we need to see what the rest of the team needs before we make any decisions for purchases.

Basic machine-shop bits, with which other machine-shop bits can be made from raw stock:
Milling machine (CNC for ease of use)
Lathe
Bench drill
Welding equipment (plasma cutter, MIG/TIG)
Big Box O' screwdrivers, wrenches, etc
Big Box O' Fixings

Ka 2011/01/09(Sun)10:46 No. 270005 ID: f604d6
File 129459876230.png - (27.22KB , 870x540 , npdt0125.png )

You look like you got the basic needs covered except for a V8.

Anything else depends on what you need me to make.

Agent Smeth 2011/01/09(Sun)13:38 No. 270022 ID: f604d6
File 129460908121.png - (13.48KB , 870x540 , npdt0126.png )

Hate to interrupt your deep philosophical conversation, but we got a portal opening at the outskirts of the city.

Just go to the attached coordinates. I'll drop some freebies since you don't have any equipment yet, but I have no idea if they'll have any effect on a demon, never mind multiple of the same. But hey, at least you can see how this stuff works and maybe get some idea of what you need.

Fuck, I thought we had more time.

>>270022
Let's do this X-Com style! Assemble the team! Make everything explode! Shoot anything that moves in the remains!

>>270036
>X-Com style
>spend an hour clearing the mission of hostiles, then another hour finding the one you missed somewhere because the mission won't end.

>>270047
>and then that one guy sneaks in and destroys your vital objective

>>270036
>>270047
>>270057
>Door opens. Veteran gets oneshot.

>>270060
>Along with the entire team, because the devs are assholes

>>270022
Lets do this fucking thing then. YEAH! Gonna rip and fucking tear us some demon motherfuckers. HELL YEAH!!!

Move out, team. Move out.

Skalfak 2011/01/10(Mon)07:42 No. 270178 ID: f604d6
File 129467412410.png - (39.75KB , 870x540 , npdt0127.png )

If "X-Com style" means taking a cab to some shitty farmland and picking up a handful of rifles and some C4 from a drop can about a hundred meters from the demonic portal, then we're right on track.

What now? Nothing's come out of the fucking thing yet and it's not doing anything aside from sitting there and pissing mist.

>>270178
Set up C4 around the portal and get started on digging some foxholes. That way you can give the demons a warm welcome when they pop out. Also, decide what lines of retreat you will be using and where you will retreat to if you have to fall back. It's important to have a way out if things go to shit.

Other than that I guess you could follow your instincts and kill fucking everything.

>>270178
Check out that farm like structure.
That tower thingy might be a nice sniper spot.

>>270178
Seconding the preparation of C4. But don't get too much into the mist. Shit happens in demonic mist.

Then split the team. Send the Doc and Lick to the trees on your left, we got to make sure the demons don't get through to the buildings and hide there.

Also, keep the team alert. No slacking. Just because you got there fast as fast, doesn't mean a demon in wtf-camouflage didn't already get through and is preparing to take your souls to his master.
Also, we don't now if what we are dealing with is humanoid in appearance. Might be good to keep an eye on the sky and on the ground.

Skalfak 2011/01/10(Mon)09:23 No. 270192 ID: f604d6
File 129468023557.png - (55.83KB , 870x540 , npdt0128.png )

I didn't have a shovel so I "borrowed" the farmer's tractor. Since Agent Smeth called and reported that nothing's come through yet, I'm keeping the team together. The portal isn't that big and I don't want any friendly fire either.

The portal is surrounded by C4 on remote det and now we're just waiting. But when - or if - something comes out, should we just kill it or try to identify it first?

>>270192
Well, it's demons alright. So better be safe than sorry, but make an honest effort at identifying it first. If it seems like something you can capture or at least take down less messy than with C4, do it. We'll need all Intel we can possible get.

>>270192
1. Stay low.
2. Take out emerging enemies.
3. Drive tractor against portal.

>>270192
Kill anything that exits the portal. Demons are creatures of lies and temptation. Better to make them dead before they can speak with you.

You might have to kill the family who lived at the farm as well afterwards. Can't risk that they're possessed.

Anyway, that creeping mist seems a bit worrying. You got any flares to throw into it to illuminate the matter?

Demons can come in many guises, some very much non-standard. The mist itself might, at the very least, be harmful, so try not to breathe it. Perhaps the good doctor could bottle some of it for later testing? We -are- talking about an atmosphere that could be totally alien to this world's.

>>270192
Do you have any weapons capable of stunning rather than killing them? We could interrogate them if they speak english then sell them on the black market.

We'll be selling the corpses either way.

Skalfak 2011/01/10(Mon)11:16 No. 270260 ID: f604d6
File 129468701521.gif - (147.54KB , 870x540 , npdt0129.gif )

I don't think we can take any samples. We can add "sample-taking equipment" on the shopping list when we get back.

Something's coming. You want a closer look or do I kill it?

Doesn't LOOK dangerous. Continue observing.

Suggestion 2011/01/10(Mon)11:29 No. 270265 ID: 42dbd5
File 129468775974.jpg - (10.63KB , 294x294 , freud1.jpg )

Clearly kissing dudes.
Open fire!

Skalfak 2011/01/10(Mon)12:04 No. 270286 ID: f604d6
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...

Skalfak 2011/01/10(Mon)12:06 No. 270290 ID: f604d6
File 129468996729.png - (17.67KB , 870x540 , npdt0131.png )

WHAT

>>270286

It's just a scared kid. Probably drew the short straw for being a scout.

>>270290
Slap that shit out of it's hands and go upside it's head for wasting your time.

Open fire!

>>270290
Murder that shit.

Tell it to drop its weapon and surrender or you will open fire.

Huh.

Well, you could probably very easily disarm it without much trouble. Hold if killing it for a bit, we could probably get some useful information out of it or something

Keep an eye on the portal.
Maybe some real demons are soon to follow.

>>270286
He's just cannon fodder, they're probably watching him to see how many guns are pointed at the portal. Has he spotted you yet? If not you can just camp until the rest of the force comes through, then blow the place to hell (no pun intended).

>>270333
What are you talking about? that is clearly a real demon. Look at the horns! And he is pointing a vorpal plastic knife at the squad!

Tell it to freeze and drop the weapon.

Blow the explosives!

All of them!

All of the explosives!

Clearly it is either a young conscript, an attempt to play on your human emotions of compassion and mercy, or a shapeshifter. Attempt to capture it so we can run experiments on it later.

is that a plaid skirt?

oh murrrr~

Well fuck, now we have an demon.
Safely contain it for atrocious medical experiments.

don't kill her!

pfffft

>>270349
Hell yes.

Tell the doc to keep it sedated and guardd, then turn your attention back at the portal. If this was a scout... well, you catch the drift.

Lick 2011/01/10(Mon)14:20 No. 270370 ID: f604d6
File 129469804895.png - (29.74KB , 870x540 , npdt0133.png )

STOP WHISPERIN', I CAIN'T HEAR YA.

JUST LET ME SAFELY CONTAIN THIS HERE THANG FOR ATROCIOUS MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS AFORE SOMEONE SUGGESTS IT SO WE CAIN GET ON WITH THEM IMPORTANT THANGS.

CAIN I AT LEAST DETONATE THEM SEEFORES? I DIN'T GET TO BLOW UP NONE 'CAUSE A THAT PORTAL DISAPPEARIN'.

>>270370
Noooooo way, we didn't get any money yet from selling demon-torture-porn. Safely bring back the C4, we'll need.

Lick, we promise you'll get to blow up something awesome before this is over.

The portal is collapsed, now back to base, team, and prepare for SCIENCE. SCIENCE OF PAIN, that is.

Lick 2011/01/10(Mon)14:39 No. 270379 ID: f604d6
File 129469914836.png - (46.45KB , 870x540 , npdt0134.png )

THANKS, BUD. THAT'S MIGHTY NICE OF YA.

I'M DRIVIN'.

>>270379
Nope, Ka gets to drive. Her job to fix it so she gets to drive it if she's around.

>>270379
FFFFF- Bad demoman, no 'splosives for you for christmas.

By the way, Lick, could you make a kind of security device for our prisoners? An explosive collar with remote control? Think about it while Ka drives you back to base.

End of Chapter 1 Lick 2011/01/10(Mon)15:46 No. 270400 ID: f604d6
File 129470318220.png - (58.74KB , 870x540 , npdt0135.png )

YEAH, I CAIN MAKE ONE. JIST NEED A POUND A SEEFORE AND A LONG DETCORD.
THINKIN' A WHICH, NEED TA PUT SOME SEEFORE OR SEMTEX ON THAT THERE SHOPPIN' LIST. A COUPLE A THOUSAND POUNDS OUGHTA DO IT. DETONATORS AND SOME DUCT TAPE. MAYBE A COUPLE A SHOVELS.

BUT YEAH, GOOD MISSHUN. SCORE ONE FOR THE GOOD GUYS.

Personally I think that the ATROCIOUS MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS should be replaced with COMPLETELY REASONABLE MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS.
We should probably find out whats going on before skipping straight to the torture.

Hahahaha good mission indeed.

Now lets take it back to base so Vergewaltiger can run some tests and see what makes these demons tick.

We still have three spaces left on the team, I believe. This one seemed to be knocked out with a simple knee to the gut, but we need to figure out whether or not these things can actually be killed with conventional weaponry at some point so we can get a priest or a preacher of some sort on the team to bless our weaponry

>>270400
Well we should be able to sell the demonchick into sexslavery for fetish clubs. Although that seems strangely like something they would have planned. Probably safer to just dissect her and sell the parts to various occult asswipes.

It's a good thing we didn't waste our time getting a demonologist, because we just captured a demon expert.

Bring it back and have the doctor look after it. Once it regains consciousness have him give it a nice cup of earl grey and find out why it would appear alone, terrified and with a dinner knife. Once we get its story, if that doesn't already give us info on what's happening, it shouldn't be too hard to find out from it about what's happening with this demon invasion and how to deal with it.

>>270349
I thought the Sergeant Major was about to spank her. It was a good thought.

>>270436

That seems reasonable.

>>270448

This option is still open if it doesn't answer our questions. I'm pretty sure spanking is a totally okay interrogation method.

>>270400
Wait, who's that guy in the passenger seat?

>>270464
The driver of the cab we used to extract. He's obviously very scared because there is a crazy as shit redneck in the driving seat.

I don't think Lick can hear us if we DON'T TALK IN CAPS. I THINK MAYBE ALL THOSE EXPLOSIONS DAMAGED HIS HEARING AND THAT'S WHY HE'S TALKING ABOUT WHISPERING HERE >>270370

HEY LICK HOW ARE YOU AT RADIO TRIGGERED DETONATORS? MIGHT WORK BETTER FOR A CONTROL COLLAR.

That was odd, but mission sort-of accomplished, I guess. Good job, team! Though, honestly, I think you should've just thrown her back in before you blew the popsicle.

VERY NICE WORK THERE MR. DEMOLITION GUY. WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO ABOUT THAT SEEFORE.

Hm. I guess we'll also have to add shackles and prisoner-keeping gear to that shopping list. Or maybe you'll just have to make do with duct tape.

*sigh*

Things just keep on piling up. We're gonna have to prioritize on our shopping. Esasmus, do you have any specific requests or ideas? Just as an FYI, hooker money (or 'morale spending', if you like) is out of the question, at least until you prove your usefulness sufficiently. Also, you are emphatically NOT allowed to attempt any seduction whatsoever of the hell-girl. Just... don't. Some of these things could have non-standard vaginas. Imagine sticking your li'l Johnny in a woodchipper and you'll be about there.

>>270465

I like him, let's hire him too, see if he wants to be the team's regular driver!

>>270400
Try to hire the cab driver. He seems pretty cool guy, doesn't afraid of tits in the backseat.

Before SCIENCE starts, Skalfak and Vergewaltiger should play the good cop/bad cop game with the demon. Or rather bad cop/horrifying cop.

Then we can find out how demon skin reacts to objects intruding at 1000 mph.