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File 174562898574.png - (189.21KB , 550x500 , drunk_0.png )
1106922 No. 1106922 ID: ede601

My pregnant wife is out visiting relatives.
I have three kids being babysat at someone’s house tonight.

It’s just me closing the bathhouse all alone.
60 posts omitted. Last 50 shown. Expand all images
>>
No. 1107054 ID: b6ea64

Play a round of beeriards (beer billiards). Every ball you sink in a pocket is another shot you get to down.
>>
No. 1107055 ID: 6b8094

When you gotta go, you gotta go.
>>
No. 1107056 ID: 6d5273

Drunken Karaoke
>>
No. 1107057 ID: 273c18

>>1107052
Go to the restroom, and have a glass of water to ward off dehydration.
>>
No. 1107058 ID: c39cfc

Decisions decisions! Better take care of your urinary needs before any food though. To the bathroom! But then how will you put your fundoshi back on if you're too hard? Better go without! You're the bathhouse guy, it's probably totally fine. Just calmly assert dominance!
>>
No. 1107059 ID: 55f0db

Hope the tavern has a nice restroom! Should handle that

And then we gotta find enough food to stuff you full
>>
No. 1107061 ID: 78bd3b

Interrogate the evil lampshade who bad mouthed your relationship, maybe he is the jealous cuddle whore in disguise!
>>
No. 1107064 ID: ede601
File 174572613720.png - (263.12KB , 550x500 , drunk_14.png )
1107064

The bathroom was full. I guess I’ll go ‘round back.
--
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I can’t.

sstopp.

pissinnnn’.

Uuuuuugh.

What was that? Did someone say something? I thought I heard something.

Must’ve been my imagination.

Deep lore hidden. Drunk level not met.
>>
No. 1107065 ID: ede601
File 174572616702.png - (189.29KB , 550x500 , drunk_15.png )
1107065

>>1107056
Drunkeness Level 2
I normally wouldn’t but okay.

I choose a song that’s been in my head for a while.
(https://youtu.be/rNaDqJuCAF0?si=Y_ntIGBQAuBjj6-u )

Of course, a classic gay church indie folk rock song that defines the chupian style of music.

♪ In the union of wine
I may be lost, but he is mine
To be on top from behind
and the odor of the refined

I wore out his radio
It's like drinking in the cold with our cheapest find
And the truth that may be told as we piss in rows
That boy is entered on his side as he wonders why ♫


Seeeems to be getting lates. After thiss jingle I oughtto visit the temple and p r a y...

Eh. Wheh... What do I pray?

stay tunes for the final part tomorrow

DRUNKENESS LEVEL 3 achieved
>>
No. 1107068 ID: 6d5273

pray to Ndepthteph, the God of Decay! let's get controversially blasphemous in your drunken state.
>>
No. 1107069 ID: 6b8094

Pray for the wife my guy, may she continue rocking your world til it flies into the sun.
>>
No. 1107070 ID: c438a4

Pray to your wife's amazing ass
>>
No. 1107071 ID: b6ea64

Pray for your wife of course!
>>
No. 1107073 ID: 78bd3b

Pray for your family's health, pray for the redemption of the cuddle whore and the lamp guy that threw shade at your marriage, and pray that your children suceed at all their endeavours, especially Vikta, he needs lots of help.
>>
No. 1107075 ID: 99ca7b

Wife Prayer go!
>>
No. 1107099 ID: 861ceb

pray for your wife, so lucky you are to have her, and pray for your children so they can find someone just as good as her for them.
>>
No. 1107103 ID: 1c5e26

>>1107065
PRAY to keep your wife fat and yours
>>
No. 1107104 ID: 1c5e26

>>1107068
Oh yeah you cant have wine without decay
>>
No. 1107110 ID: ede601
File 174580195450.png - (289.07KB , 550x500 , drunk_16.png )
1107110

>>1107068
Baah. There were a coupple misshinariess that came by the bafthhouse o n c e. Bunch-a... detritus if you a s k me.
--
We have a bit of a panthe on. Most ly matriarchal.

Ther’d the goddess of s n o w.

God dess of fur.

The psy cho pomp. Goddess of kitchen cabinets. God of… of. G o d of frisson--the tears when lissen’in to a song. Goddess of... mid sum mer where youth e x p i r e s. God of djent sticks. Goddess of... of a sadness that you’ll never really know what other people think of you. Goddess of nostalgia for a time you’ve never known.

Feh? Oh. I hadn’t noticed myself stopping before the psychopomp. Somethin’ about hallways, that one. You can pray to any statue, so may as well.
>>
No. 1107111 ID: ede601
File 174580198526.png - (229.86KB , 550x500 , drunk_17.png )
1107111

Uh...

I don’t usually pray heavy. I just get the...

--normal pray out of the way usually.

I pray... uh.

For my wife’s amazing ass. Sure.

But my wife in general, for sshe carries a nother youngling.

And the ch-rildren she bore.

Sashi...

D e e mus.

And our littlest. Vi.. Vikta.

Make him grow fur soon.

May they travel their long halls.
>>
No. 1107112 ID: ede601
File 174580200362.png - (241.15KB , 550x500 , drunk_18.png )
1107112

sip

Hmm. Communal w i i n e.
>>
No. 1107115 ID: 6d5273

Drunken level didn't raise... waaaaaaiiiit a minute,

THIS IS FAKE WINE! Complain to their manager, which would be the goddess!
>>
No. 1107116 ID: b6ea64

Offer the statue a drink as well.
>>
No. 1107117 ID: 6b8094

What a soft statue. Looks like it's built and placed for you to put your head between its pillowy thighs.
>>
No. 1107118 ID: 802951

>>1107115
TALK TO THE MANAGER!
>>
No. 1107119 ID: c39cfc

Yeah, offer a drink to the statue!

Also, did your fundoshi tightness ever subside or did thoughts about your wife's steaming hot love buns reawaken it?
>>
No. 1107120 ID: 6c233e

Tell the goddess more about your amazing wife over a few drinks
>>
No. 1107121 ID: ede601
File 174580782595.png - (315.70KB , 550x500 , drunk_19.png )
1107121

Highest level of drunkenness achieved. Cannot exceed level 3
Thiz wine is a bit weAk, yeah. It’s enUff to keep tha b u Z z. Lookin’ at her cur-vay-shus hips she in deed looks soft. It’s too lAte before my nose scrunches up against rock-hard tHIGhs. I dOwn the alcohol.

How could sHe.

It nags at me. How could shhhe just...

s m i l e

Like her-.

C o n s t a n t remind er.

And grumble.

...

Drunk level met. Vague lore dropped
“I don’t know—"

“If I can forgive you for t h a t.”

“You took from me...”

“--what was too early. And what was too late.”

“More than anyone deserved.”

“May be.”

“s u r e”

“I stifled through it. Maybbe I thought it was a tesst. I was naïve.”

“A boy.”

“Jusst a boy.”

“I didn’t understand then.”

“I don’t know w h a t you are plan nin g.”

“But you.”
>>
No. 1107122 ID: ede601
File 174580786274.png - (240.10KB , 550x500 , drunk_20.png )
1107122

...

“You took my wiofe’s joy.”

“O n c e.”

“What kept me... from...”

“...”

“I still cant... for g ive you for that.”

“It was never her fault. You can’t fault what happened.”

“To see her...”

“...”

“By the window.”

“...”

“I didn’t have that strength to go through. But she did.”

“...better than me.”

“But I won’t make it easy for you.”

“Per haps in time...”

“But n o t to day”
>>
No. 1107123 ID: ede601
File 174580791107.png - (188.85KB , 550x500 , drunk_21.png )
1107123

“It’ll be a long time--”

“—be fore you’ll...”

“--guide me down that damned hall.”

“I’ll show you.”

gulp

“So a toast to you…”

“Because I’ll...”

“She’ll...”

Fuuck it

“We’ll fuck SO MUCH.”

“So much that--”

“Your halls will be...”

“LITTERED!”

“And you’ll deal with… with... my…”

I hear some asshole behind me.

“Dama? What are you doing here? Why, the whole town is looking for you!”

Huh? What was I—? Oh. It’s the priest who runs the temple. Hey. This wine sucks! ITS ROOM TEMPERATURE!

Dama, your wife is wondering where you are! She’s back at the bathhouse waiting for you! Now stop rambling to all the statues.”
>>
No. 1107124 ID: 6d5273

Ok, time to stumble on home

but first...

SUPLEX HIM! gotta teach him a lesson for not having cold win.
>>
No. 1107125 ID: 802951

Elaborate on the vague lore. But vaguely.
>>
No. 1107126 ID: 462d8c

Kinda sounds like a lost kid

Home again home again, jiggity jig
>>
No. 1107128 ID: 273c18

Don't suplex the priest...

Time to stumble home. Quickly.
>>
No. 1107131 ID: b6ea64

Well, are you just going to stand here and make your wife wait or what? What if there's trouble and she needs you!
>>
No. 1107132 ID: 6b8094

Splash the wine in his blindfold. Can't you shee I'm praying?!
>>
No. 1107135 ID: 6c233e

Dama this is important
Where did you leave the beets?
>>
No. 1107137 ID: ede601
File 174581064231.png - (297.27KB , 550x500 , drunk_22.png )
1107137

I’m trying to get out of this accursed M A Z E. My wife neeeeds me. I attempt to splash my drink on him but it’s empty…
--“Hey! I’m prayin’ heeeeere! Can’t you SHEE?”

“Just hold on, Dama. Let me get you home before it’s too cold to walk. What were ya mumbling about there?”

--“Stuff. Buncha things. Who are you? Getoffme you cuddle whore. Your lips are poison!

“By the twelve... Just come with.”

I feel the stinging cold of the night brush in my fur. The priest keeps preachin or some shit.

“So have you thought of a name for the baby yet?”

--“It’s... baad luck. You know.”

“What yakshit is that? Well is it a boy or girl? It's gotta be due very soon.”

--“Huh dunno...”

“Yeesh. Just focus on walkin’ then.”

--“Wait… the beets. MY BE E ETS!”

“Calm down! Some of your boys found it in the street. The local cuddle whor—er I mean-- escort recognized the basket and who it belonged to. They delivered it. It's fine.”

--“Oh... Where are we going again?”

“AAAAnd there we go. Home at last! Hello Dama’s Wife!”

“Oh, Husband! There you are! You sure look like you’ve had a swell time in town! Come on, let’s head to bed. I picked up the kids from my sister’s and they’re already tucked away!”
>>
No. 1107138 ID: 802951

Puke first, bed later.
>>
No. 1107139 ID: 6d5273

talk to the baby before you sleep
>>
No. 1107140 ID: 462d8c

Time for some hardcore and raucous cuddling
>>
No. 1107141 ID: 6c233e

Kiss her tummy
>>
No. 1107142 ID: 1114e3

Time to pray to your wife
>>
No. 1107143 ID: 78bd3b

Bathroom break to avoid bedtime accidents, then hug belly to protect baby from psychopomp.
>>
No. 1107144 ID: 273c18

>>1107137
Kiss your wife.
>>
No. 1107145 ID: 6b8094

Fall asleep on the spot.
>>
No. 1107146 ID: d30887

Vomit before you give your kids brain damage through alcohol contact.
>>
No. 1107147 ID: bf2af9

Pray at the altar of Wife Tummy
>>
No. 1107148 ID: ede601
File 174581435128.png - (217.05KB , 550x500 , drunk_23.png )
1107148

I’m trying to kiss her but my lips aren’t working. And I kinda miss.

“Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you undressed. Up the stairs we go! I got you~”

She guides me to the bedroom.

Beeeeed.

She disrobes me down to my fundoshi. I might puke but I think I can hold it in.

Hnnk! I’m good. Just a few silent burps. I can hold muh licker.

She loosens her clothes and they drape down her body. Score. She slips onto the mattress and pats the top.

“Well come on! ♥ Before you freeze!”

Guuuuh.

B ell y.

So soft...

Baby.

...

I’m mumbling against her stomach.

Kissin’ it. So soft.

A prayer.

Or something.

Pray for a healthy babby.

...

I think...

Maybe I know what I can call you.

...

Unless you’re a boy. Then I dunno.

Next baby, then.

I’ll save it for next baby.

Zz-snork..

The End

Thanks for the quick weekend drunk quest!
>>
No. 1107149 ID: 6d5273

Wholesome end to a shitposty quest
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