Clearly they were not counting on our satellites with Rods of God that shall rain down on them and obliterate a good chunk of their forces.

We also built a working Scinfaxi (Ace Combat) complete with
Crisp
White
SHEETS!

Also keep raining nukes on their continents. To keep them on their toes.

1/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:47 No. 1039046 ID: 10a721
File 165862725265.png - (64.64KB , 1560x1008 , economic 67.png )

>Use the Santas' combined time-bending magic to travel back and prevent Tammy from being born!
You attempt this. You end up accidentally becoming Tammy's grandmother.

You decide to try a second time, but this time going somewhere more recent and less potentially paradoxy.

2/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:48 No. 1039047 ID: 10a721
File 165862729511.png - (97.86KB , 1862x1136 , economic 65.png )

"Attention, Strfindent! We have seen your victory over the North Pole. You have been a thorn on our side for far too long and your continued threat cannot be denied any-"

3/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:49 No. 1039048 ID: 10a721
File 165862734298.png - (81.19KB , 1560x1008 , economic 68.png )

What the fu-?


>Take over with a smaller, cheaper army.

Your soldiers make short work of the bodyguards in the room that I couldn't be arsed to draw.

4/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:50 No. 1039049 ID: 10a721
File 165862741315.png - (243.91KB , 1810x1232 , economic 69.png )

>You've still got gAyb as your loyal summon, offer Tammy a portal to the PlushQuest universe.

I raise my flags, don my clothes
It's a revolution, I suppose
We'll paint it red to fit right in

Whoa

I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus
This is it, the apocalypse

Whoa

I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I'm radioactive, radioac-

5/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:50 No. 1039050 ID: 10a721
File 165862745106.png - (44.34KB , 1810x900 , economic 70.png )

>Clearly they were not counting on our satellites with Rods of God that shall rain down on them and obliterate a good chunk of their forces.

6/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:51 No. 1039051 ID: 10a721
File 165862749055.png - (164.64KB , 1810x900 , economic 71.png )

Gottem!

7/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:52 No. 1039052 ID: 10a721
File 165862755473.png - (146.71KB , 2492x900 , economic 72.png )

After your victory over the Guide-holders, you, your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend and your new friends take the time to rest, comingle, and take care of the wounded, and boy howdy, are there a LOT of wounded.

After a week, you and the many Santas decide to part ways, with them returning to their respective universes. YOUR Santa thanks you for all the help with mending and burying the dead and injured elves and sets forth to take his wife back and hopefully rebuild the Village. Everybody is so happy, they seem to have forgotten that you are an amoral money-grubbing businesswoman in possession of all seven Financial Guides.

You last see gAyb with a small posse of elven supermodels as he goes to help Santa with the rebuilding. Knowing him, he's probably planning to aid in the repopulation effort.

8/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:54 No. 1039053 ID: 10a721
File 165862765884.png - (114.99KB , 2134x1264 , economic 73.png )

As you return home to North America, you discuss with your juicy ass boyfriend the ways in which you are going to rebuild and reorganize the world now that you are basically its undisputed ruler. Your boyfriend proposes decontaminating the areas affected by the nuclear Armageddon and prioritizing enviromental efforts and the stocking of foodstuffs to reduce the damage of the on-coming fallout. You suggest building a giant, fully functional Scinfaxi instead.

As you and what remains of your troops disembark on your homeland, you are momentarily blinded by an all encompassing flash of light. After a few seconds, the light subsides somewhat to reveal what appears to be a man in a striped jacket and brown moccassins floating at the center of the beaming light, surrounded by a chorus of cherubs dressed in only the finest, hamiest, dankest swag.

You immedeatedly recognize the man as none other than David Bib, creator of the Charming Financial Guides. Telemarketer and online salesman par exellence and master of all forms of invasive marketing!
You know, David Bib? The guy who's contact mail link is on the first post of this thread? That scummy fucker.


Slowly, David lowers himself to the ground and walks up to you, a coy and menacing smile etched on his face.

9/9 Silly Zealot 2022/07/23(Sat)18:56 No. 1039054 ID: 10a721
File 165862779742.png - (52.44KB , 1572x904 , economic 74.png )

"Strong Financially Independent Wo-Mann!", He says with a soft yet firm voice that is almost impossible to resist, "Congratulations! You seem to have won my special little contest. You see, I created the Guides not just to teach others the way to quick effective economic solvence for the low, low price of $29.99 but to make them hunger for it, lust for it, KILL for it."

"I sold over a thousand Guides in just a year, knowing full well their holders would not remain content with their little fiefdoms of mind slaves. No, they would soon turn on each other and seek to take all that power for themselves. And so it happened, until only 7 Guides and ONE holder survived."

"Now, with all possible opposition dead or subjugated, the world is ripe for ME to take the reins of as the One True Independent Financier...... or perhaps, not the ONLY one!"

"You have proven yourself to be assertive and unrelenting in your endeavours. You scorched four continents with atomic fire, sure, but nothing that can't be fixed with time, coordination and lots of mind-control. I see you are as ruthless as me, and I find that intriguinly appealing."

He then lift his right hand, offering it to you, "Join me, Strfindent! Ditch this looser and become MY girlfriend! We can rule together, as businessman and businesswoman! Together we can reshape the Earth, nay! The galaxy, nay! The UNIVERSE in our image and never want for lack of financial indepence EVER AGAIN! Will you do yourself the honour?"


Wh- what? Dating HIM? A-and ditch your smooth-as-silk boyfriend? NO, you couldn't! You woudln't!

But.... the power...the luxury....the sweet deals so low-priced it's basically theft just one click away! It's almost irresistible! Oh, what will you choose?


This is it! The (maybe) final choice! Think well and vote carefully! What will you do?

>Join him, sacrifice your indepence.

>Refuse him, sacrifice your influences.

REFUSE! Destiny is not written in stone!

>>1039054
Third option: shoot him in the balls and take his power.

>>1039075
Indeed, he's just your next prey now. First a cheap shot, then you hit him with everything you've got!

He's brainwashing you with his superpowers! Quick, give the subtle command to your top assassins to just stab him in the back!

rolled 941 = 941

---

Voting is still up, but just to calculate what's gonna happen with one of the suggestions..

Crap, I realized my previous sentence was poorly constructed: the voting is still up.
I just posted to calculate a possible outcome to choice.

>>1039098
That is a pretty damn good roll.

1/2 Silly Zealot 2022/07/25(Mon)15:13 No. 1039232 ID: 10a721
File 165878719663.png - (72.19KB , 2170x1028 , economic 75.png )

>Shoot him in the dick.
You silently channel the power of your Financial Guides to command one of your sharpshooters to fire David's nether region.

At the last fraction of a second, however, the almighty salesman's luminous aura turns into a shield that blocks the bullet with ease.

"I offered you partnership and you spat on my manhood. Die!", he says as he blasts you with a ray of pecuniary power.

Just as he sees David lifting his hand towards you, your sharp as nails and hot as hell boyfriend pushes you away and cashes in on the Third Law of Motion to push himself to the opposite side of the ray, narrowly saving you both from certain death.

2/2 Silly Zealot 2022/07/25(Mon)15:14 No. 1039233 ID: 10a721
File 165878727432.png - (108.56KB , 1876x1004 , economic 76.png )

As you start falling back behind your troops, David's profit angels swoop down your soldiers, who let fly with everything they've got.

One of your PR troops manages to graze David's leg with a bullet, tearing off a chunk of his pants and leaving an appreciable portion of his calve exposed to the elements.

"Oh, hell, no! We are not doing this!", David exclaims in annoyance.

You both halt the battle momentarily and calmy wait for an angel to bring your foe a pair fresh pantaloons before resuming the skirmish.



How do we beat this guy?

Thumb wrestling!

Surely the final fight must be fierce. Show who has the greatest market influence! Dueling ad campaigns for a product that hurts whoever uses it. Maybe both contestants have different things to shill.
Whoever sells more of their terrible product attains complete hegemony of the market!

It's time to out-monster him.
Challenge him to a vile and twisted empathy-preserving contest, where both of you are injected with pure empathy and must hold it for 24 hours while committing some of the worst war crimes possible. Whoever manages to commit a higher quantifiable sum of the worst possible crimes against sapient life within 24 hours, or holds on to their empathy when their opponent loses it entirely, survives the divine judgement beam. Empathy rating will be analyzed every half-hour.

>>1039371
This sounds terrifying and hilarious

>>1039371
You sick, fucking depraved bastard...

I'm in!

>>1039371
Yes! Absolutely this

>>1039371
Changing my vote to this

rolled 44 = 44

---

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_VI6J-d_dI

>>1039403
It is on the lower side of mediocre... so not entirely damning yet... hopefully.

We definitely didn't succeed, but it gives the hope of a second chance.

1/5 Silly Zealot 2022/07/28(Thu)11:09 No. 1039438 ID: c78b33
File 165903178791.png - (271.28KB , 1702x1306 , economic 77.png )

As the battle rages on, you are suddenly approached by what appears to be a jewelry-laden Cherub made entirely out of thumbs.

"Be bedazzled, bitch!", his voice booms, "I shall now deliver unto thee a slap so hard, you-"


>Thumb wrestling

KIAAAAAAA

Your banshee screech echoes across the field as you lunge at the bling bling bastard.

2/5 Silly Zealot 2022/07/28(Thu)11:11 No. 1039439 ID: c78b33
File 165903191704.png - (138.83KB , 1986x1162 , economic 78.png )

You fight like a mad dog in heat and your soldiers follow suit. As bad guys, more bad guys and explosions extend as far as the eye can see, your hot-piece-of-boyfriend, Bark-ley, steppes forth within eyeshot of David.

-"I'll say, I'll say," he says, "I do not think this will really get us anywhere without a lot of unnescesary blood. I propose we have some sort of challenge to determine who is the superior financer, with the losing party submitting completely to the fate the other chooses."

-"What makes you think I would ever agree to such a thing?", David asks.

-"The fact that I just called for reinforcements, we control most of the planet and you can only call forth so many swag angels."

-"Hmph, I suppose I am in a rather risky situation right now. Very well, I agree, but what challenge would we take part in to settle this mess?"

-"Probably something you are both very proficient at, such as marketing and salesmanship. A test on who can make the most people buy even the most inane item could-"

-"I propose getting all hypersensitive and see who can still blow stuff up without being a little bitch!", you pitch in, momentarily ceasing to pluck one of the Cherub's wings.

-"Wait..."

3/5 Silly Zealot 2022/07/28(Thu)11:13 No. 1039440 ID: c78b33
File 165903199161.png - (103.54KB , 1986x1162 , economic 79.png )

>Empathy challenge to the death!

You and David both proceed to go take a whole of chill pills from the nearest pharmacies, watch Titanic, All Dogs Go to Heaven, and all other iconic humanizing movies, and finally take a three-week sensitivity course from H.R. It's super effective.

Afterwards, you both start to tear the world a new one while bawling your eyes out and trying your best not to break apart. Bombing villages, poisoning reefs, reigniting the odd dormant volcano. For more than a week, you both wreack havoc upon the lands, no crime too great or too petty and making you both quite unpopular among the non-mind-controlled population.

It is quite a taxing and frankly excrutiating experience, but it all comes to a head about 9 days into the constest, when you perform your most massively loathed crime of all.

4/5 Silly Zealot 2022/07/28(Thu)11:14 No. 1039441 ID: c78b33
File 165903208029.png - (113.20KB , 1554x1162 , economic 80.png )

Sparing a moment to check your social media before heading out to spray napalm on Cambodia, you post a line of Tweets complaining about a Non-Profit Organization's decision to use the term "people with cervix," saying it makes it feminity too abstract for Financially Independent women like you.

Almost immedeatedly, your feed erupts with angry comments accussing you of being a close-minded bully. Your posts get everyone so mad, even celebrities jump on to condemn your bigotry, including the entire Harry Potter cast, who had previously worked with you on your famous economically-edificating contribution to the wizarding world, Harry Potter and the Ridiculous Exchange Rate of Galleons.

Among the cast is none other than David Thewlis, the actor who played Remus Lupin. He looks so handsome under the full moon. Kind of reminds you of your irresistible siren call boyfriend, before his run in with Legolas. You can't take this much rejection from him, not your lovely Remus! It's too much, you can't go on. You can keep doing this!

You give up.

5/5 Silly Zealot 2022/07/28(Thu)11:15 No. 1039442 ID: c78b33
File 165903215391.png - (176.27KB , 1730x1568 , economic 81.png )

You give David a call saying that he has won, and you both meet up and spend an additional 5 minutes on social media to regain your average levels of anger and sociopathy.
David then starts to beam triumphantly.

"Muahahaha! You led me a merry chase for my money, but in the end it takes more than a few strifing runs through a hospital complex to deter a true telemarketer! I would give you a place among my most priced thrift shop leutenants, but I remember you trying to shoot me last time I gave a similar offer. Prepare to die!", he says, channeling his deathly beam of light as he nears the end.


You lost the challenge, but you still have one final chance to save yourself and continue the fight. You still have your 7 Charming Financial Guides, you just need to come up with a plan clever or crazy or clever-crazy enough to turn the tide on Bib.

What do?

... You had a good run.
HARA KIRI
Sex change into a man, your very existence imploding from the sheer betrayal of your womanly identity!
David Bib's attack can no longer locate you because your corpse's DNA is definitely not a match and moves on to the next [insert telemarketing slur here] - David Bib himself! His strange, incomprehensible attack translated into a cliche beam of light kills him instantly!

... You find yourself in a dark room. You're definitely female again, but given the shimmering light coming from you and your geometrically perfect new two pairs of breasts, little counts when you're dead.

Is this too much? I can't tell.

1/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:34 No. 1039684 ID: 473867
File 165935367621.png - (88.58KB , 1586x992 , economic 82.png )

>Sex change into a man, David Bib's attack can no longer locate you because your DNA is definitely not a match and moves on to the next - David Bib himself!

Of course! Maybe if you reshape your identity, David's luminous attack will not be able to lock onto you and instead destroy his own greed-filled carcass!

You focus all your strength and mental fortitude into altering your self-perception into the identity of a man. Within the deepest recesses of your heart, you also reshape your very moral compass, changing your goals and motivations into those of piety, kidness, frugality, and above all, self-giving.

In but a few moments, you somehow manage to reinvent yourself from the ground up into basically the polar opposite of yourself. The mental and spiritual change is so thorough, no supernatural weapon would be able to find your old self within you.

2/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:35 No. 1039685 ID: 473867
File 165935372692.png - (51.32KB , 1586x992 , economic 83.png )

Crud, it was not a homing missile, just a mad-powerful energy beam.


It didn't work.

3/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:36 No. 1039686 ID: 473867
File 165935377445.png - (50.85KB , 1586x992 , economic 84.png )

>You find yourself in a dark room.

As you wake up from what feels like the mother of all indian burns and attempt to reinstate your old persona out of pure spite, you find yourself blinded by a bright light.

"Ugh, w- What? Where am I?"

4/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:36 No. 1039687 ID: 473867
File 165935381805.png - (45.59KB , 1586x992 , economic 85.png )

"Welcome, Strfindent. You stand before the sacre Rickety-Ass Desert Tree of Life.", a faint and strangely familiar voice echoes from somewhere nearby.

"Uuuh....Shouldn't it be the Great Tree of Life?", You say.

"Not many of those in Australia, no."

5/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:37 No. 1039688 ID: 473867
File 165935387349.png - (55.59KB , 1928x992 , economic 86.png )

"Aiku? Aiku Aramba? I taught I'd got you killed!"

"You did, Strfindent. This is the afterlife."

"Afterlife?! So your very niche tribal religion that let you control nature-?"

"Was the real one all along, yes. I suggest to take moment to get your bearings, because you might be stuck with us for awhile."

"So, am I supposed to do here? Are we going to spend time learning about nature and each other and then communing with our descendants or some such?"

6/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:38 No. 1039689 ID: 473867
File 165935393065.png - (185.38KB , 2708x1604 , economic 87.png )

"Oh, not quite, Strfindent. Me and my partners over here are still pretty miffed about our plushie-sprung deaths. Do you know cotton can pass into the beyond with you when stuck that deep? Quite a pain to remove, in more ways than one. We have been thinking long and hard on how to repay your treatment towards us and we have all the time in the world to make it so. How does a bundle of vicious poison ivy tendrils sound like for an aperitif?"

7/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:39 No. 1039690 ID: 473867
File 165935396450.png - (94.39KB , 1908x1364 , economic 88.png )

AAAUUUUUUGH!!!

8/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:41 No. 1039691 ID: 473867
File 165935406424.png - (344.24KB , 2724x1852 , economic 89.png )

You are David Bib. Once a grand salesman and company spokeperson famed the world over, now undisputable CEO of your own megacorporate enterprise and absolute ruler of the entire world.

The fallout of the nuclear Armageddon Wo-Mann the other Financial Guide dimwits waged against each other soon descends upon the planet like a death shroud, but you are an expert resource administrator, so you know how to prioritize.
After ten years of climate change, famine and radioactive pollution, over 3 billion deaths add to the final toll upon an already decimated world, but from the ashes rises an empire of gaudy-claded angels, mind-controlled legions, and bots, lots and lots of bots!

Your forces and chief researchers slowly but surely clean up the worst of the nuclear fallout with cold, infallible accuracy. 4 billion mind drones working as one tends to get results one would not get otherwise.

In the following decades, your empire creates new, greater cities and technology, better than in the days of yore. Innovation and economic growth spread at a practically unprecedented level, and space and interreality science flourishes like never before, all in the name of one singular purpose: spreading the brand name!

Within a mere thirty years, your satellites send out publicity pitches through the whole cosmos, your deep space probes carry Charming Financial Guides to new and uncharted worlds, and your top scientist develop portal technology that allows you entry into other dimensions.

Your word and influence spread like wildfire wherever you go, a wildfire that burns and destroys, yes, but also one that lights a bright new path towards a better tomorrow. A tomorrow united under your one and supreme monopoly.

9/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:41 No. 1039692 ID: 473867
File 165935409325.png - (56.25KB , 1628x1126 , economic 90.png )

The Reign of One Decillion Spamcalls begins!

10/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:42 No. 1039693 ID: 473867
File 165935415452.png - (49.62KB , 1570x1742 , econocredits 1.png )

FINAL STATS:

Charming Financial Guides obtained: 7/7
Bosses defeated: 7/8
Humanity murdered: 3,165,757,879/7,905,536,752
Boyfriends seduced: 1/6
Guest Characters not killed: 1/4
Plots of revenge a-brewing: 1/1

11/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:43 No. 1039694 ID: 473867
File 165935420857.png - (28.66KB , 858x980 , econocredits 2.png )

Special thanks to:

Bromeliad: for revealing to us the beautiful art of spam post-hijacking.

CrossTheLine: for Last Trace and the characters of Allergine Argine and Amigdala Amica.

Himitsu: for Perpetuity and the character of Tammy Footman Temmie Butler.

Toxoglossa: for The Book of Worms. (He also made Moot Point and gAyb Gabe)

Lagotrope: for AsteroidQuest and neumonos.

12/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:44 No. 1039695 ID: 473867
File 165935427462.png - (42.41KB , 858x576 , econopilogue 1.png )

Dimension #5471 A.K.A. the MeteroriteMission universe

54th Year of the Reign of David Bib

13/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:45 No. 1039696 ID: 473867
File 165935431325.png - (20.57KB , 676x439 , econopilogue 2.png )

"Ah, Bark-ley, you got the ingredients for the ceremony, I take it?"

14/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:46 No. 1039697 ID: 473867
File 165935438836.png - (22.28KB , 676x439 , econopilogue 3.png )

"Yes and don't go around saying my name so casually. It's already hard enough to pass for a regular errand boy with a big scar and a historied relationship to the freaking emperor!"

"I still can't believe you can't believe you can shrug off the mind-control with so little strain."

"Yeah, well. When you spend years yapping at cars and wetting the carpet until you get your neurons rearranged by a head injury, you quickly find your brain does not quite work like the rest. I mean, you yourself claim to be able to commune with the dead!"

"A lone neumono with no Hive to call her own has to find herself a hobby. Plus, being a Rogue means we are all a bit....quirky. Now, shall we begin the seance?"

"Yes, let's. Geraldine, please hand her the ingredients, if you would be so kind."

15/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:47 No. 1039698 ID: 473867
File 165935443974.png - (42.60KB , 736x492 , econopilogue 4.png )

BZZZZZT


"H.... Help...."


BZZZZZT-

16/16 Silly Zealot 2022/08/01(Mon)04:48 No. 1039699 ID: 473867
File 165935450983.png - (39.00KB , 736x492 , econopilogue 5.png )

"Help me, please!"


FIN


Hope you enjoyed the mess!