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Tropical Milk
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Dreamwalker and you wanted to talk to me, Laura? I'm not too sure if I'm up to it, or anything for that matter. So I think I might as well give my thoughts before I ultimately bid my farewell.
I've been doing a lot of thinking over everything I had to go through, to where we are now, to how I can only assume things will go from here, and from what I can gather, the truth of the matter is, I guess I'm just done. I really don't have the drive to continue guiding anyone here anymore, no motivation to keep going, and there isn't a single goal that I can find appealing to work towards. A lot of the goals I wanted to shoot for just seems way to far, if not, impossible to reach now, like trying to save someone from this fog, or create my own universe with any kind of Ana's body's ashes to migrate those who don't want to live on this planet, but the goals I want to achieve isn't what anyone else wants to achieve, and the goals that Toothpick wants, and what Lorence wants isn't really a goal I want to chase, And Scarred's goal of reuniting with Logan and join absolution to "save" this world isn't something I want either... I'm not even sure if Logan would want to date scarred as it isn't the same Logan.
And even if I found a goal I wanted to pursue, or if i continued to help Toothpick, Pandora, or Scarred, or anyone achieve their goals, I don't think it is possible for me, whether out of a loss of patience I used to have, or just not seeing any possibility. Whenever we come close to achieve something, like that mission, some powerful beings with powers to spy on us can just easily step in to take that away last second. And even if Spirit Contaminator and her group wasn't a problem, I had given a talking to to Toothpick that I was really passionate about, with a lot of heart put into it, but THAT was taken away by another powerful being thanks to some kind of time stop thing, making that speech be all for nothing if Toothpick couldnt hear it.
and on top of all that, I'm just tired of every single being in this world just hating on us after all the effort we put into trying to save them thanks to mistakes we make. besides you, Laura, I'm not sure there is a single being out there that doesn't want us dead.
It's because of this I just can't find the will to keep trying to help anyone in this world if there's no love, respect, and powerful manipulators and beings that can easily make things worse for us with nothing we can do about it. It's like, this whole thing is like playing rock paper scissors, but our opponents pull tornado on us
So... I don't know. I think I'm just done trying to do anything here, maybe just drift and spectate, maybe take solace in knowing that the people who is manipulating us won't have me to manipulate as I am no longer playing, maybe I'll laugh when the people who wanted us dead get on their knees and beg for our help as I refuse to help them, or laugh at our enemies when they achieve their goals, only for it to backfire spectacularly in the end, as this world has a way of fucking everyone over...
If there's any parting words I'd like to give you, it'd probably be, whatever you and your group are setting out to do... DON'T. just don't. You're going to see Logan from what I remember you saying, but I think you should quit whatever you are trying to do. I have a dreadful feeling that Happy and other forces are just using your goals to further their goals, maybe even manipulated you down that path, and I think it involves that sacrificial knife you have, and I remember Happy was trying to prevent Ana from switching bodies from you too, meaning you're valuable to him. I really think you are right now an unwitting puppet, and you should stop what it is you're going to do before you fall into Happy's trap...
...but then, a lot of advice I give always backfires on people i try to guide, hurting them. So I don't know, maybe you should go despite my warnings? *sigh* well you know my concerns, take what you will from it.
That said, I guess I'll just drift through this world until the next cycle begins, maybe help the next Ana better than the mess we caused here. I'd ask Dreamwalker to eat my memories so you and Dreamwalker can get stronger since I can't find a purpose, and I'd at least get to help protect you that way... but I know your stance in doing that and won't force you.
In all honesty, finally deciding to just not get involved and not care about what happens actually makes me feel a lot more... content. Thanks for listening to my rant, Laura. Sorry I'm not strong enough to keep going, but I need this.
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