(3/4) Apples 2026/06/20(Sat)21:19 No. 1128303 ID: 126c9f
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Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "I'm sorry I was rude to you. I was actually in a bad mood before you even showed up."

Boobie Bunny: "Oh? What else is troubling you?"

Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "It's that damn dick shrine across the street."

(4/4) Apples 2026/06/20(Sat)21:19 No. 1128304 ID: 126c9f
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Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Look at it! It's a disgrace! Since I became a priestess, I've been stuck staring at that eyesore all day every day for years!"

Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Can't you do something about it?"

Boobie Bunny: "Sure!"

Shrine Priestess: "If you do that, I'll reward you with something that can help you cross the Slime Swamp and reach the Big Butt Goblin guardian spirit."

Quest accepted: Rub down the big dick shrine!

>>1128304
Wash a building? Well, a quest is a quest.
...wait, where's the dick priest? Shouldn't they be maintaining the building?

>...wait, where's the dick priest? Shouldn't they be maintaining the building?

You're looking at him. That's not the building, that's the dick priest's dick.
The actual shrine is behind him.
dude is a masochist who is just into bodywriting humiliating stuff on himself.

Find the dick priest to ask why they've let the shrine go. If you just clean it it will only get dirty again.

>>1128302
I think this is the first time we've seen colors like that. Are we partially colorblind? Have we been like that our whole life and never knew? Put that in the back of our mind for now. Existential worries come later.

>>1128304
That poor, mistreated Dick Shrine comes now. Let's polish that shrine until it's glistening wet! And then look for the shrine maiden who should be tending to it. Shrine boy? Can boys be maidens?

Later! Cleaning supplies first. If there aren't any obvious alternatives, I think we've got some Slime Juice saved. We could splash it on our slime-resistant Magic Tunic and give that statue a rub-down with our boobs. Or would that damage it with corrosive slime?

Oh. Looks like Titmouse is already over there, cleaning it with her mouth and tongue.

Titmouse, I'm sure there's a faster way to complete this sidequest.

Titmouse: Sidequest?

>>1128304
Were gonna need titmouse.
Ifbtheres anyone who knows how to handle a massive dick, its her.
>>1128308
Hmm.
This is also a good point.
We need to get them to help wash their filthy cock.

It's a trick this is an ideological battle. The graffiti is supposed to be there, but you must convince the dick shrine priests of the superiority of butts.

Ask titmouse to use her spell that washes off obscene grafitti, which she has had all along, probably to wash off her walls after a particularly raunchy party.

After that, ask the legendary and extremely handsome architect Daddyealus to build a giant statue of a man and attack the dick statue to it, so it looks less filthy and more classy.

>>1128417
Or this. Convince them to replace it with a butt statue, why not.

(1/2) Apples 2026/06/29(Mon)02:30 No. 1128705 ID: 126c9f
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>Get Titmouse to help

You already know what she'll say. "Eeek!" Plus she's like 20 yards away.

>Find the dick priest to ask why they've let the shrine go.

You'll do this first and if you need backup you'll go get Titmouse.

You approach the Dick Shrine and see that, in addition to the graffiti, is also decorated with... offerings. Apparently it's a thing to leave used condoms by the shrine.

You look around for the shrine priestess.

(2/2) Apples 2026/06/29(Mon)02:30 No. 1128707 ID: 126c9f
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You don't see any shrine priestess in the vicinity but you do find a young goblin man nearby in the process of spraypainting "romanes eunt penus" on the wall.

We need to get him to leave. Tell him that there's a butt shrine over there that is in need of spray painting.

Well if there isn't anyone else around, then congratulations fucker, you're the new priest. Deputized by the hero herself.
Now explain why your shrine is in such a state.

Wait, what if he already IS the shrine priestess?

>>1128707
Another goblin? Meh. He's cuter than the last ones we've met. Nice heart-shaped nose, nice sharp toenails... not the worst option.

Is he, like, the local Dick Priest or something? Is he drawing on his shrine as some kind of religious rite? If he isn't, the real Dick Priest is going to have something to say about that and we'll be dragging him along while we fix his mess.

Spank his ass, maybe that will get him to behave. That or cutting off his hans.

Oh, I know this one! We have to correct his Latin grammar. Tell him it should be "Romani ite penum".

>>1128707
Go tell him to knock it off. He's giving you more work!

Wait, what's a Roman?

>>1128714
No, no, no. Romani is correct, but what does eunt mean? It means "to go" It's nonsense to tell a roman to relocate to penus. What the goblin means to say is "Romans are dicks."

Now what's the word for "Is?" Sum. The goblin is saying The romans, collectively are presently dicks, so the verb should be third person present plural. What's the proper declension? "Sunt"

Now for the last word, "penus" The goblin is saying what the Romans are. So we are looking at a direct object. That's the accusative case. So if we properly decline "penis" in the accusative case, we get "penes"

So, the proper graffiti would be "Romani sunt penes"

If they weren't the priest they are now the priest offer them a smooch if they help you clean the shrine (and then whisper they can spray paint it again later)

>>1128705
Oh, cool!
Theres already bags and bags of white paint to use!
Little and big bags!

>>1128717
This is true, but it's also a literal translation of the message.

One has tto take into account the phallus-themed insults that actually Romans used, which are...

Ummm.....

You know what? Let's just use the phrase you proposed and have the little troll repeat it so many times, it gives the shrine a new coat of paint.
He'll pay for the extra spray cans, of course.

>>1128717

> It's nonsense to tell a roman to relocate to penus

Maybe he's inviting Romans to the shrine

Tell the goblin that it's so nice that he's offering to paint the shrine in scripture - and so insufferable that he misspells his Latin. Which is why you're going to force him to do it another 100 times, in different sizes, and be sure to paint across every inch of the wall.

>>1128707
Wait, I just realized something. The Butt Priestess didn't exactly specify what she hates about the Dick Shrine or what she wants us to fix about it. We just kind of assumed she wants the graffiti cleaned off, but maybe she hates the shrine itself and wants it covered or something. Might want to clear that up before we commit to a plan.

(1/1) Apples 2026/07/13(Mon)02:37 No. 1129252 ID: 126c9f
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>Wait, what if he already IS the shrine priestess?

Boobie Bunny: "You're the Dick Shrine Priest, aren't you?"

Dick Priest: "Hehehe! How'd you know?"

Boobie Bunny: "Lucky guess..."

>The proper graffiti would be "Romani sunt penes"

Boobie Bunny: You know that graffiti is wrong. It should say 'Romani sunt penes.'"

Dick Priest: "What da heck are you talking about? This is a prayer for Romane."

Boobie Bunny: "Who's Romane?"

Dick Priest: "Some horny chick who needs some penis in her hooter. She paid us three gold to pray for her."

Boobie Bunny: "She paid you money to pray for her so you're spraypainting her prayer next to all the graffiti?"

Dick Priest: "What graffiti? Dis is all prayers. People pay us gold and we paint their prayers on the wall of the shrine."

Dick Priest: "Anyway, what'd you want?

>>1129252
sniff

This isn’t that far off, historically…
Praise be to dicks!

This is an audit. How many of these prayers you paint have been answered. You may need to change your methods.

parchment affixed with wax seals is a classy look that will surely get any god's attention (and justify an upcharge)

Tell him he's doing the prayer writing wrong, he's not supposed to write prayers on the shrine dick statue, he's supposed to write the prayers on his own holy dick. that way, the prayers will surly reach the dick gods' ears.

>>1129252
Um, wow, that's quite a noticeable bulge. It must be kind of burdensome, isn't it? I bet he'd be happy to... lighten the load...

Also we have a mission! The Butt Priestess is bothered by all the writing. I think she's mistaken it for vandalism or the like. Could he come over and over and talk with her to reach some kind of understanding?

>>1129252
Tell him you have a quest to... clean up? the shrine, and as Hero you are obligated to complete it, one way or another. The Butt Priestess is complaining about the view.
How long has it been since the shrine was cleaned? Maybe there's dirt on it, not just spraypaint? Or maybe... it's not erect enough? Either way, some simple soap and water should help here. It won't even remove the spraypaint, once it's dry.

Hmmm. The butt priestess offered to help us with Slime Swamp, but if we piss this guy off we'll probably miss out on his help with the Dick Shrine. We should probably do that first.

Hey, dick priest. Can you tell me anything about the Crystal Labyrinth or Mt Boner?

Butt priestess wants the religion district to be less grimy and more synchronized or something. Maybe you could just move.

>>1129252
Well.
A lot of these prayers are old and moldy.
No wonder the new ones arent getting through.

He needs a good clean cock, not a big dirty dick.
That way every new prayer has a better chance of being seen...
And
People will have to donate more often rather than being a one pray and done

We all know where this is going.

We are going to make the priest of each shrine talk things out, solve their differences with sexy results, and form a syncretic religion.

This will, of course, eventually cause a schism between the dick-in-butt and the dickbutt shrines that will lead to a long and horrid war, but that won't be a problem for another 100 years!

...For you to solve, heroes are iconic, and thus eternal. Natch!

>>1129252
This makes me wonder if there is a forgotten Big belly womb and Pussy shrine that was lost and perhaps why the rat king is several rats a multitude born from one or several pussies that would be important for balance and creation.

Also funny that a dragon is of but and a Goblin of dick bit of a reversal.
Perhaps we need butt priestess covered in cum with a thong with filled condoms tied to it and let her get tailed with dicks asshoöe and oussy filled with cum so she can birth the big dick dragon and the butt Goblin in a time loop scenario of the Guardian spirits

As a dick priest, they likely know more abput male individuals than most. Ask if they know what the RAT KING looks like. Are they a single rat that's nefarious, or like, a bunch of rats that got stuck together somehow?

Also, what was the Magical Crystals purpose before it got destroyed?

Also worth asking if they got/know anything that can help with the Huge Dick Dragon part of your quest.

(1/2) Apples 2026/07/26(Sun)02:33 No. 1129878 ID: 126c9f
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>sniff

Well if you say so!

Sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffff!

Dick Priest: "D-damn girl! Most girls interested in my footlong aren't usually dis literal!"

Dick Priest: "You some kinda freaky, huh?"

(2/2) Apples 2026/07/26(Sun)02:34 No. 1129879 ID: 126c9f
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>Ask if they know what the RAT KING looks like. Are they a single rat that's nefarious, or like, a bunch of rats that got stuck together somehow?

>Also, what was the Magical Crystals purpose before it got destroyed?

>Also worth asking if they got/know anything that can help with the Huge Dick Dragon part of your quest.

You ask all this stuff.

Dick Priest: "Woah woah woah! Slow down! Rat King? Da first I heard of him was when he came marching through Gate Town last night! I didn't even see him."

Dick Priest: "Da Magic Crystal was created by da three Guardian Spirits to stop da Evil Bad Thing. You're the Hero With Huge Boobs. Didn't dey teach you any of dat?

Dick Priest: "Da Huge Dick Dragon? Yeah he's da guy who gave me dis job. I could tell you about him, but information ain't free. If you want my help you gotta do a quest."

(You sense the Dick Priest may have a quest for you!)

>>1129879
Alright what's the quest?

Lick his feet and withhold nibbling unless he gives you the deets, the art of the tease is the only book you've read 69 times after all

>>1129879
Agree on the condition that the prayers and offerings are kept within the interior of the walls of the shrine.

Booty shrine priestess says it's distasteful, but I think she really feels underappreciated. Her shrine doesn't see nearly as much traffic as his, and the offering "flaunting" might be getting to her.

We should totally invite her to the spa later.

>>1129897
What about putting the dick in the dragon and the butt on the Goblin?

Keeping the graffitti out of sight of the butt priestess would indeed be useful. Another option could be painting the prayers as kamasutra art.

You could also switch from painting/graffiti to something more 'tasteful', like those fancy japanese prayer slips, physical phallic offerings, a literal 'suggestions box'... Saves on space for future prayers, and lets you remove those that came true already without cleaning.

Of course we could also ship the butt priestess and dick priest together.

Ask about quest in any case.

Also, is there a vagina deity/clergy out there?

OK, I get the picture. Let's hear the quest. I bet it's a quest that involves the Boob Shrine, and then to do that we're going to have to complete a quest from the Boob Shaman or whoever that has to be done at the Butt Shrine.

Fuckin' fetch quests.

File away this idea for the future: can we somehow grow the grass in the Grass Farm tall enough to hide the Dick Shrine from sight of the Butt Shrine?

>>1129879
The Dick Priest has a quest for us too? That might be an issue since we've already gotten a quest from the Butt Priestess. I hope we can get them to work out their differences. But let's find out what he wants before we tell him about the other shrine's problems, just in case negotiations break down.

Does the quest involve paying respects to his big juicy priestly dick? And if it's something else, would he let us do that anyway? Because I'm all in favor of sucking off a cute goblin boy while he sits on our boobs.

>>1129879
Bring on your quest cockmaster of the temple