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Do like the table smash boob meme on the pots oh wait that's just a pot shaped guy oops!
Hmmm... I'm being flattered. I mean, I get that my boobs are a nice sight for people who see two giant sphinx butts all day long. Still - the only people allowed in and out of this town are heroes. The only business that can survive are ones with heroes as customers. The whole town's economy now depends on a steady flow of heroes spending their loot. They've learned how to flatter heroes. The whole pot smashing thing is probably a loss leader to get you into their store. They're gonna be pissed when they find out we don't have any starting money. Unless their whole thing is getting you to run up a big tab when you're setting out so they take all your loot on the way back? I wonder if they're deliberately letting monsters through in order to get heroes coming to them again? ...better find out how much we owe the inn for one night before anything else. Could be like a thousand gold a night if this is their deal.
>>1126557 Do our part to keep the pottery economy alive! Smashy smashy! He'll probably sell the shards if you use your heroic honkers to crush them. If it is a scam, dont worry. I spy another money making opportunity. Grass farm Perfect for spin attacks and uprooting our local currency. Im guessing boob shaped ruupies. Sweater puupies.
First, fill the pot with your milk and then break it. That milkshake will bring all the boys to the yard.
>>1126557 Ah, the consequences of fame and fate. Some people might think we'd enjoy having crowds of stickfolk (and one gnome-looking guy) fawning over us, but... Eh, why not? We're the Hero with Huge Boobs. Let's milk 'em. Do a fancy stunt with the pot. Rest it on our chest to Boobie Bounce it into the air, and hit it with our sword as it comes down to send it flying off into the distance. And while everyone's watching it fly, we can make our way to the conveniently-placed Butt Shrine to learn about the road ahead. We've got to plan our journey before we can prepare for it!
>spin around and shatter the pots and the guys with your boobis >Do a fancy stunt with the pot. *groan* You just got up and now you're supposed to do effort? Ugh.......
Okay fine... SUPER... ULTRA... MILKY...
...Boobie Smash. Shopkeeper: "OMG! She did it! She did the thing!" "Oh wow!" "What an honor!" "I don't believe it!"
Some Dumb Dipshit: "Oooh, mine! Smash my pot next! I put a bomb in it!" Rando Guy: "And mine! Smash mine! I hid money inside!" Itty Bitty Titty Committee: "I wish I had huge boobs like those! I would smash this whole town!" But you had already left...
>Go to Butt Shrine first. You head south and make your way to the giant stone ass at the bottom of town. The shrine is being attended by some kind of wyrm woman with an insanely fat bottom and tiny toes.
DEFEND THE SHRINE
Now that's a woman who won't turn down some footcare.
Inquire how you can learn the technique Badonk Bonk so you can break certain rocks and walls that may block you path
>>1126880 She's got a cute tail. And I mean her actual tail, not just her butt.
Slap that ass hard. No not hers, the really big one behind her. C'mon it'll be funny.
>>1126880 Enquire as to the nature of the challenges and powers that the booty shrine can bestow upon you! Attempt to gather info on potential subquests! Do your best not to visibly enjoy the sight of her delicate tiny tootsietoes!
Ask about what you need to do: * You need to see the three sages, and you expect the temple of ass would know about the ass sage and how to get to her. Any other information on the other sages would be appreciated. * Titmouse got pregnant with vermin. You're looking for an abortion clinic that can sacrifice the embryos for power or something. Really, neither of you want psychopaths for children anyway... * Any side quests that the temple of ass needs done? You can't guarantee anything but it's always helpful to ask.
We should spend a bit of time getting to know each other first before we dive into asking about the Big Butt Goblin. Bit of girl talk. I mean Titmouse - love her to death but all she ever talks about is the quest and my sacred duty. Would be good to just shoot the shit with someone, maybe bond over how hard it is when your calling in life is to have huge secondary sexual characteristics you never asked for.
The Shrine Priestess fixes you with a haughty, contemptuous glare. Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Well well well, if it isn't the Hero With Huge Boobs herself come to grace us measly bottom-heavy peons with her presence!" Boobie Bunny: "Uhh..." Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Pray, tell us, what can a mere priestess of ass do to serve the hero whose mighty mammaries are destined to save the whole world?" (You sense that the Shrine Priestess may have a quest for you!) >Any side quests that the temple of ass needs done? Boobie Bunny: "Just poking around looking for side quests, I guess?" Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Oh? And just what gives you the impression our humble Butt Shrine has any quests worthy of a glorious knight of nipples such as—" Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "H-hey!"
Her feet are so small! Literally they're the same size as your hands! They must ache terribly from the strain of supporting so much weight. Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "HEY! What are you doing down there? Excuse me!"
Give the feet a kiss or nibble
>>1126880 Hey, dragon shrine maiden. Nice horns. She looks like she's not too busy. Anything we could do to help her? Like a foot massage? To make a long story short, the Emergency Backup Prophecy is happening. We're headed to the Slime Swamp and Goblin Hole first, so is there anything she can tell us about that route? We want to be ready if there are any more corrosive slimes in it. Or tentacles. Are there tentacle slimes in the swamp? Come to think of it, the Rat King showed his handsome face in this town recently. That must have been quite an event. What was it like for the townsfolk when his army came through? And maybe just talk about the dragon lady, too. Why did she decide to work at this shrine? We may be at the center of the prophecy, but we aren't exactly an expert on our own religion. It would be nice to hear another priestess tell us about her views. One who's not quite as zealous as little Titmouse, bless her feet. Heart. Bless her heart.
Her feet aren’t tiny, they are actually kinda pretty long. Notice she’s a digitigrade? Her foot begins around where that dewclaw is at. If she wasn’t standing on her tippy toes, you’d notice Err I mean Give the feet a kiss or nibble
>>1126926 >>1126931 Well, that was a bit awkward. I stand by what I said. Offer the grumpy priestess a foot massage to help her relax. She sounds like she'd appreciate a chance to complain about things. We know what that's like. Also: >>1126927 >>1126928 >>1126929 >>1126930 Give the feet a kiss or nibble.
praise the hard working feet
I apologize, my phone glitched out and I tripleposted but also dont regret a thing
>They must ache terribly from the strain of supporting so much weight Now that I think about it Suggest that she rests her heels on the floor, it’ll feel much more comfortable that way.
>>1126926 Just casually offer a foot massage.
Oh! I'm sorry to be so bold. Some people say I have a lot of front. (Tee-hee!) But... gurl! You have blisters! Callouses! Bunyons! I know, after a few hours carrying these things around, my feet are always in agony! Maybe I should take you to the spa and give you a good, long, thorough pedicure... for hours... and hours... and hours.... What do you say?
Hey, whatever kind of religious grudge there is between boobies and butts, we aren't holding it, lady. You're very pretty, so how about we just talk to each other as equals, and not act out some old animosity?
>>1126926 Ohmuhgawd They so tiny! . Givethefeetakissornibble ...and glance up her robe. You may never get another chance.
Also, you've... you've got a... there's something on your forehead. It's.. it's a... it's a... no, not your hat, it's... it's... OK, just bend down and let me get my handkerchief, I'll wipe it off...
>>1126962 Look up her skirt +1! Then tell her you’re actually considering seeking out the butt goblin first! And you figured you’d go to her for some sage advice~ That ought to earn you some favor~
... She's beautiful. Beyond that fat ass she's been blessed with, and her elegant legs, the Shrine Priestess just has this look about her. Compliment her scale care routine, get whatever task she needs a hand with, and make her fight to keep that sneer going.
>Give the feet a kiss or nibble You held back with Titmouse, but these trotters are too tasty to pass up! Nom!
Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "YIPES!" The bottom-heavy shrine priestess loses her balance and falls backward onto her well-padded posterior.
BOOM! Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Wh-what the hell is wrong with you, you freak?"
I had the munchies that only feet could satisfy
>>1127309 Now's your chance! Massage time.
If tasting your feet is wrong I don't wanna be right
Oh no! I have committed a sin on the sacred grounds of the Butt Shrine! What's the punishment for that? Is it a spanking? I bet it's a spanking, isn't it?
"Okay good, you're not one of the Rat King's Infiltrators. We learned about them the hard way. I'm going to need to bite you in the feet every time we meet. Make sure you do the same to anyone suspicious, it's the only way to catch them!"
>>1127318 You are cooking with this idea, if it works then we can nibble our friends feet too... But this also means we one day have to bite some gross feet...
>>1127319 Yeah. And, it might work on more people, The rat kings rats are ticklish so... nibbles, nuzzles.,all, kinda tests, Hey, its not technically lying when its plausible, right bunny?
Definitely look up her skirt, now that she’s splayed out like this~
>Now's your chance! Massage time. >Would be good to just shoot the shit with someone, maybe bond over how hard it is when your calling in life is to have huge secondary sexual characteristics you never asked for. Boobie Bunny: "I could tell you needed to get off your feet. Now let me show you my actual legendary powers..." Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "What are you... oh... oh my gods... oh that feels GOOD!" The Shrine Priestess leans back and relaxes for a few minutes as you massage her aching feet. Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "I'm already feeling so much better. How did you... Why are you doing this?" Boobie Bunny: "Us overburdened gals gotta stick together. Boobs. Butts. They're just big round heavy things we have to lug around all the time. They don't define us." The Shrine Priestess contemplates your words. Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "You're not like I expected you to be." Boobie Bunny: "How did you expect me to be?" Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "In my experience, women with huge boobs think that being busty makes them better than everyone else..."
Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "The last busty woman I knew betrayed me and pushed me down a bottomless pit. In my world I was a powerful witch. Here, I'm just a glorified janitor." Boobie Bunny: "Wait, the color palette here is diegetic?" Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "No the color change is just meant to symbolize the transition between worlds." Boobie Bunny: "Oh I get it." You don't get it.
Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "I'm sorry I was rude to you. I was actually in a bad mood before you even showed up." Boobie Bunny: "Oh? What else is troubling you?" Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "It's that damn dick shrine across the street."
Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Look at it! It's a disgrace! Since I became a priestess, I've been stuck staring at that eyesore all day every day for years!" Shrine Priestess [QUEST GIVER]: "Can't you do something about it?" Boobie Bunny: "Sure!" Shrine Priestess: "If you do that, I'll reward you with something that can help you cross the Slime Swamp and reach the Big Butt Goblin guardian spirit." Quest accepted: Rub down the big dick shrine!
>>1128304 Wash a building? Well, a quest is a quest. ...wait, where's the dick priest? Shouldn't they be maintaining the building?
>...wait, where's the dick priest? Shouldn't they be maintaining the building? You're looking at him. That's not the building, that's the dick priest's dick. The actual shrine is behind him. dude is a masochist who is just into bodywriting humiliating stuff on himself.
Find the dick priest to ask why they've let the shrine go. If you just clean it it will only get dirty again.
>>1128302 I think this is the first time we've seen colors like that. Are we partially colorblind? Have we been like that our whole life and never knew? Put that in the back of our mind for now. Existential worries come later. >>1128304 That poor, mistreated Dick Shrine comes now. Let's polish that shrine until it's glistening wet! And then look for the shrine maiden who should be tending to it. Shrine boy? Can boys be maidens? Later! Cleaning supplies first. If there aren't any obvious alternatives, I think we've got some Slime Juice saved. We could splash it on our slime-resistant Magic Tunic and give that statue a rub-down with our boobs. Or would that damage it with corrosive slime?
Oh. Looks like Titmouse is already over there, cleaning it with her mouth and tongue. Titmouse, I'm sure there's a faster way to complete this sidequest. Titmouse: Sidequest?
>>1128304 Were gonna need titmouse. Ifbtheres anyone who knows how to handle a massive dick, its her. >>1128308 Hmm. This is also a good point. We need to get them to help wash their filthy cock.
It's a trick this is an ideological battle. The graffiti is supposed to be there, but you must convince the dick shrine priests of the superiority of butts.
Ask titmouse to use her spell that washes off obscene grafitti, which she has had all along, probably to wash off her walls after a particularly raunchy party. After that, ask the legendary and extremely handsome architect Daddyealus to build a giant statue of a man and attack the dick statue to it, so it looks less filthy and more classy. >>1128417 Or this. Convince them to replace it with a butt statue, why not.
>Get Titmouse to help You already know what she'll say. "Eeek!" Plus she's like 20 yards away. >Find the dick priest to ask why they've let the shrine go. You'll do this first and if you need backup you'll go get Titmouse. You approach the Dick Shrine and see that, in addition to the graffiti, is also decorated with... offerings. Apparently it's a thing to leave used condoms by the shrine. You look around for the shrine priestess.
You don't see any shrine priestess in the vicinity but you do find a young goblin man nearby in the process of spraypainting "romanes eunt penus" on the wall.
We need to get him to leave. Tell him that there's a butt shrine over there that is in need of spray painting.
Well if there isn't anyone else around, then congratulations fucker, you're the new priest. Deputized by the hero herself. Now explain why your shrine is in such a state.
Wait, what if he already IS the shrine priestess?
>>1128707 Another goblin? Meh. He's cuter than the last ones we've met. Nice heart-shaped nose, nice sharp toenails... not the worst option. Is he, like, the local Dick Priest or something? Is he drawing on his shrine as some kind of religious rite? If he isn't, the real Dick Priest is going to have something to say about that and we'll be dragging him along while we fix his mess.
Spank his ass, maybe that will get him to behave. That or cutting off his hans.
Oh, I know this one! We have to correct his Latin grammar. Tell him it should be "Romani ite penum".
>>1128707 Go tell him to knock it off. He's giving you more work!
Wait, what's a Roman?
>>1128714 No, no, no. Romani is correct, but what does eunt mean? It means "to go" It's nonsense to tell a roman to relocate to penus. What the goblin means to say is "Romans are dicks." Now what's the word for "Is?" Sum. The goblin is saying The romans, collectively are presently dicks, so the verb should be third person present plural. What's the proper declension? "Sunt" Now for the last word, "penus" The goblin is saying what the Romans are. So we are looking at a direct object. That's the accusative case. So if we properly decline "penis" in the accusative case, we get "penes" So, the proper graffiti would be "Romani sunt penes"
If they weren't the priest they are now the priest offer them a smooch if they help you clean the shrine (and then whisper they can spray paint it again later)
>>1128705 Oh, cool! Theres already bags and bags of white paint to use! Little and big bags!
>>1128717 This is true, but it's also a literal translation of the message. One has tto take into account the phallus-themed insults that actually Romans used, which are... Ummm..... You know what? Let's just use the phrase you proposed and have the little troll repeat it so many times, it gives the shrine a new coat of paint. He'll pay for the extra spray cans, of course.
>>1128717 > It's nonsense to tell a roman to relocate to penus Maybe he's inviting Romans to the shrine
Tell the goblin that it's so nice that he's offering to paint the shrine in scripture - and so insufferable that he misspells his Latin. Which is why you're going to force him to do it another 100 times, in different sizes, and be sure to paint across every inch of the wall.
>>1128707 Wait, I just realized something. The Butt Priestess didn't exactly specify what she hates about the Dick Shrine or what she wants us to fix about it. We just kind of assumed she wants the graffiti cleaned off, but maybe she hates the shrine itself and wants it covered or something. Might want to clear that up before we commit to a plan.
>Wait, what if he already IS the shrine priestess? Boobie Bunny: "You're the Dick Shrine Priest, aren't you?" Dick Priest: "Hehehe! How'd you know?" Boobie Bunny: "Lucky guess..." >The proper graffiti would be "Romani sunt penes" Boobie Bunny: You know that graffiti is wrong. It should say 'Romani sunt penes.'" Dick Priest: "What da heck are you talking about? This is a prayer for Romane." Boobie Bunny: "Who's Romane?" Dick Priest: "Some horny chick who needs some penis in her hooter. She paid us three gold to pray for her." Boobie Bunny: "She paid you money to pray for her so you're spraypainting her prayer next to all the graffiti?" Dick Priest: "What graffiti? Dis is all prayers. People pay us gold and we paint their prayers on the wall of the shrine." Dick Priest: "Anyway, what'd you want?
>>1129252 sniff
This isn’t that far off, historically… Praise be to dicks!
This is an audit. How many of these prayers you paint have been answered. You may need to change your methods. parchment affixed with wax seals is a classy look that will surely get any god's attention (and justify an upcharge)
Tell him he's doing the prayer writing wrong, he's not supposed to write prayers on the shrine dick statue, he's supposed to write the prayers on his own holy dick. that way, the prayers will surly reach the dick gods' ears.
>>1129252 Um, wow, that's quite a noticeable bulge. It must be kind of burdensome, isn't it? I bet he'd be happy to... lighten the load... Also we have a mission! The Butt Priestess is bothered by all the writing. I think she's mistaken it for vandalism or the like. Could he come over and over and talk with her to reach some kind of understanding?
>>1129252 Tell him you have a quest to... clean up? the shrine, and as Hero you are obligated to complete it, one way or another. The Butt Priestess is complaining about the view. How long has it been since the shrine was cleaned? Maybe there's dirt on it, not just spraypaint? Or maybe... it's not erect enough? Either way, some simple soap and water should help here. It won't even remove the spraypaint, once it's dry.
Hmmm. The butt priestess offered to help us with Slime Swamp, but if we piss this guy off we'll probably miss out on his help with the Dick Shrine. We should probably do that first. Hey, dick priest. Can you tell me anything about the Crystal Labyrinth or Mt Boner?
Butt priestess wants the religion district to be less grimy and more synchronized or something. Maybe you could just move.
>>1129252 Well. A lot of these prayers are old and moldy. No wonder the new ones arent getting through. He needs a good clean cock, not a big dirty dick. That way every new prayer has a better chance of being seen... And People will have to donate more often rather than being a one pray and done
We all know where this is going. We are going to make the priest of each shrine talk things out, solve their differences with sexy results, and form a syncretic religion. This will, of course, eventually cause a schism between the dick-in-butt and the dickbutt shrines that will lead to a long and horrid war, but that won't be a problem for another 100 years! ...For you to solve, heroes are iconic, and thus eternal. Natch!
>>1129252 This makes me wonder if there is a forgotten Big belly womb and Pussy shrine that was lost and perhaps why the rat king is several rats a multitude born from one or several pussies that would be important for balance and creation. Also funny that a dragon is of but and a Goblin of dick bit of a reversal. Perhaps we need butt priestess covered in cum with a thong with filled condoms tied to it and let her get tailed with dicks asshoöe and oussy filled with cum so she can birth the big dick dragon and the butt Goblin in a time loop scenario of the Guardian spirits
As a dick priest, they likely know more abput male individuals than most. Ask if they know what the RAT KING looks like. Are they a single rat that's nefarious, or like, a bunch of rats that got stuck together somehow? Also, what was the Magical Crystals purpose before it got destroyed? Also worth asking if they got/know anything that can help with the Huge Dick Dragon part of your quest.
>sniff Well if you say so! Sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffff! Dick Priest: "D-damn girl! Most girls interested in my footlong aren't usually dis literal!" Dick Priest: "You some kinda freaky, huh?"
>Ask if they know what the RAT KING looks like. Are they a single rat that's nefarious, or like, a bunch of rats that got stuck together somehow? >Also, what was the Magical Crystals purpose before it got destroyed? >Also worth asking if they got/know anything that can help with the Huge Dick Dragon part of your quest. You ask all this stuff. Dick Priest: "Woah woah woah! Slow down! Rat King? Da first I heard of him was when he came marching through Gate Town last night! I didn't even see him." Dick Priest: "Da Magic Crystal was created by da three Guardian Spirits to stop da Evil Bad Thing. You're the Hero With Huge Boobs. Didn't dey teach you any of dat? Dick Priest: "Da Huge Dick Dragon? Yeah he's da guy who gave me dis job. I could tell you about him, but information ain't free. If you want my help you gotta do a quest." (You sense the Dick Priest may have a quest for you!)
>>1129879 Alright what's the quest?
Lick his feet and withhold nibbling unless he gives you the deets, the art of the tease is the only book you've read 69 times after all
>>1129879 Agree on the condition that the prayers and offerings are kept within the interior of the walls of the shrine. Booty shrine priestess says it's distasteful, but I think she really feels underappreciated. Her shrine doesn't see nearly as much traffic as his, and the offering "flaunting" might be getting to her. We should totally invite her to the spa later.
>>1129897 What about putting the dick in the dragon and the butt on the Goblin?
Keeping the graffitti out of sight of the butt priestess would indeed be useful. Another option could be painting the prayers as kamasutra art. You could also switch from painting/graffiti to something more 'tasteful', like those fancy japanese prayer slips, physical phallic offerings, a literal 'suggestions box'... Saves on space for future prayers, and lets you remove those that came true already without cleaning. Of course we could also ship the butt priestess and dick priest together. Ask about quest in any case. Also, is there a vagina deity/clergy out there?
OK, I get the picture. Let's hear the quest. I bet it's a quest that involves the Boob Shrine, and then to do that we're going to have to complete a quest from the Boob Shaman or whoever that has to be done at the Butt Shrine. Fuckin' fetch quests. File away this idea for the future: can we somehow grow the grass in the Grass Farm tall enough to hide the Dick Shrine from sight of the Butt Shrine?
>>1129879 The Dick Priest has a quest for us too? That might be an issue since we've already gotten a quest from the Butt Priestess. I hope we can get them to work out their differences. But let's find out what he wants before we tell him about the other shrine's problems, just in case negotiations break down. Does the quest involve paying respects to his big juicy priestly dick? And if it's something else, would he let us do that anyway? Because I'm all in favor of sucking off a cute goblin boy while he sits on our boobs.
>>1129879 Bring on your quest cockmaster of the temple