Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)18:30 No. 930213 ID: ddec4a
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A man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today you are not reading homestuck, so don't expect that you'll get to name him.
His name is Barnaby Brumpton.
What will he do?

(AN: I started this a while ago on twitter so I'm just gonna go ahead and post the part that was already done before taking suggestions)

Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)18:47 No. 930217 ID: ddec4a
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==> Get into bed.

You get into bed. This is incredibly foolish!
It is the middle of the afternoon and you have work to do. You have a very serious and important job. Your job is to buy hugly ugly houses.

Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)19:16 No. 930224 ID: ddec4a
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==>Leap out your window and get to work.

You leap out the window and go looking for ugly houses.
Wow! Look at this beauty! You mean this ugly.

Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)19:17 No. 930225 ID: ddec4a
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==> Set the house on fire.

In a moment of excitement, you set the house ablaze. You... aren't really good at your job. Also your fashionable yet modest hat is on fire. How will you explain this to your boss?
Thank god he's not here to see this.

Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)19:34 No. 930235 ID: ddec4a
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==> Pull out your flame retardant hat and toss your fashionable hat into the flames.

You toss your hat into the fire. The shaving cream you hid in it explodes, resulting in a bigger fire. Who knew shaving cream could be so flammable?
You don your new hat and start panicking.

(AN: Someone help a bitch out? Are gifs supposed to stop working when you expand the image??)

Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)19:43 No. 930242 ID: ddec4a
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==> Run away.

You successfully abscond when- whoah oh hello boss didn't see you there what a nice day isn't it

Vass 2019/04/17(Wed)19:46 No. 930244 ID: ddec4a
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==> Eat your boss.

Yes, you think cowering in fear is a great idea.
In fact, you think you will do just that.

JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, MISTER BRUMPTON? I EXPECT YOU HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS FOOLISH FUNDANGO, I MEAN FANDANGO. AND WHERE IS YOUR FASHIONABLE YET MODEST COMPANY ISSUED HAT? YOU KNOW OUR JOB CANNOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY, SPEAKING OF WHICH...

You're making the house uglier! The hat was a casualty.

wtf, these gifs are working minimized! What is this witchcraft!?

switch hats with your boss

eat your bosses hat

>>930312 
But first, you gotta do a commercial where you advertise that you buy any house no matter how ugly, or you'll eat your boss' hat

Vass 2019/04/21(Sun)22:36 No. 930698 ID: ddec4a
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==> Switch hats with your boss.

As your boss prattles on about the importance of unsightly real estate, you rapidly exchange hats with him.
What's that you were saying about company issued hats, boss? Because it seems that yours is right here on your head. Why, you always wear it when scouting for hugly ugly houses.
You do not point out your superior's silly head attire, although you do look upon it with a subtle, stern glare as your boss paws it in utter confusion.
YES, MISTER BRUMPTON, I SEE YOU DO HAVE YOUR APPOINTED TITFER. I WAS, PERHAPS, MISTAKEN. REGARDLESS, FINISH WHATEVER BUSINESS YOU WERE ATTENDING TO HERE, AND MEET ME AT MY OFFICE AT 4. I HAVE AN IMPORTANT TASK FOR YOU. A QUEST, ONE MIGHT CALL IT. AN ADVENTURE, EVEN.
And with that, he is gone.

Meet your boss at 4:00, but half a second late. Gotta be fashionably late you know.

>>930700
Go there half an hour early and set up a prankswitch trap on his seat. If he tries anything, *PRRT*!

>>930698
well might as well call the fire department.

>>930703
naw, fire helps lower property value, and we want it as low as it can go, I think.

4:00? Just enough time to flip into your fur suit.

arrive 20 minutes after 4. gotta pay respects to the deities of drug consumption

>>930698
grab a tommy gun and a cigar. Time to get serious.

>>930736
Made me realize he looks like Mobster Kingpin from Problem Sleuth if he had less head and more of that head was hat. Quite the sinister look. Might want to destroy and replace this hat as soon as possible: clearly too evil.

Vass 2019/04/24(Wed)14:56 No. 931054 ID: ddec4a
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==>Well might as well call the fire department.

You have some time to lose so you decide you might as well call the fire department. This fire isn't putting itself out.
Besides... it just so happens that one of the firefighters is your beautiful handsome brave husband.
Yes, hello Brenda. No, it's actually an emergency this time. No, not the kind of emergency where you want to know what brand of cereal you should buy. Yes, the kind where you set a house on fire. What? No, you didn't just say you set a house on fire. The house set itself on fire. Your presence here is purely coincidental. Listen, Brenda. You know me. I would never.
Brenda hangs up on you. You figure the firefighters will be here in a few minutes.

perhaps kill some time by putting on a one-man show re-enacting all your favourite sitcoms.

Toast some marshmallows over the fire.

>>931061
SMORES! yes!

Despair at your lack of Marshmallows.