Nobody 2017/09/25(Mon)13:02 No. 832769 ID: 129f2e
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You are Bearnice. Bearnice is a phasebear.

You are floating in a vast abyss. Some great tragedy has occurred in this dimension, and there is nothing left. All has been scoured clean, all matter rendered to nothing. Once, across a million million worlds, life was teeming, ripe with promise. A future. It is all gone now.

Now it makes for a really good hibernation spot! Very quiet, and there's no morning sun to get in your eyes. You maybe could have used a pillow, and something to prop it up against. No matter. You are awake now, despite the crick in your neck, and you are absolutely famished, or at least not as fat as you should be.

Bearnice may do what all phasebears may do, which includes:

*Wander Aimlessly
*Growl and roar
*Go shopping
*Maul and kill
*Mate with male phasebears
*Jump through time and space
*Forage for berries

What will you do first?

Combine the activities of mall shopping and dragon slaying into a high-stakes game of futures trading.

All of the above but also look around aimlessly in-between activities.

Why, of course it should be to Mate with male phasebears.

>>832769
why settle for berries? fish for phase salmon

>>832769
All phasebears mate with male phasebears? Good to know, I suppose.

Jump through time and space then mate with the first thing you see

>>832838

Jump through time and space into a scientific experiment, so now they have to write down sudden ursine materialization as an effect of the experiment and fuck up their hypotheses.

Jump through time and space in order to both go shopping and forage for berries at the same time.

Forage for male phasebears.

Bearnice, you value maximum comfort do you not? I think it's time to get to the bottom of the cause of the crick in your neck, phase into your own neck and do what you gotta do.

Place a marker and raid other universes to put stuff into this empty hole.

>>832769
Forge for berries!

forage for berries

Those berries won't forage for themselves.

Nobody 2017/10/02(Mon)10:19 No. 834037 ID: 129f2e
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Your name is Bearnice, not Bearnice. "Bearnice" is ridiculous. Bears are not nice. A bear will rip your fucking arms off.

Anyway, it is time to phase.

Nobody 2017/10/02(Mon)10:20 No. 834039 ID: 129f2e
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Cleverly intuiting that humans do not enjoy being set on fire by giant winged lizards, you phasewrangle dragons into every Big Box Mart outlet across the globe. As Big Box Mart's value crashes through the floor, you buy as much stock as you can get your paws on; one hundred and four percent of it, at pennies apiece, borrowing money from your future self to fund the trade. With your portfolio bulging with cheap trash stock, you phase back in time to immediately before the crash, and dump every last one at over a hundred each. This sudden flooding of the market with duplicate stock, combined with the mysterious appearance of dragons in every outlet, crashes Big Box Mart's value through the floor.

Bearnice is now rich.

Nobody 2017/10/02(Mon)10:20 No. 834040 ID: 129f2e
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You then decide to forage for berries on the berry plane. Delicious!

Use your fortune to pay bottom dollar for an army of child laborers to make you even more money, because the only constant of money is that it's never enough. Start by finding an orphanage, aka the discount rack.

that is the cruelest most dehumanizing thing ive ever heard and i cant stop laughing

Use your fortunes to hire handsome bear jiggalos.

>>834056
She doesn't want bottom of the shelf child slaves, she wants those premium grade top quality Navy SEALS! Get yourself some brawny, brainy, athletic and aquatic lads from multiple timelines and then make them do debilitating and ultimately menial tasks for you. Orphans are for amateurs; tsk tsk.

Use the cash to fund an ad campaign that features your berries with an attempt to attract male phasebears so that you can film them mating with you with berries all over the place.

Find male phase bears to forage the berries for you, and sell them as a product.

Nobody 2017/10/11(Wed)14:49 No. 835914 ID: 129f2e
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Positively bristling with confidence about the direction this quest is taking, Bearnice leaves the dragon mauling behind to find a place more conducive to her vision of a fortune filled future. It does not take much searching through potential timelines before she finds this wonderland. Free Leader Jillette has enormously benefited this world through his forward thinking reforms. Full scale automation, an obstructive government and its ridiculous freedom limiting regulations dismantled, and monopoly driven artificial scarcity are in full effect. As much as 4/5ths of the population has been given great motivation to stop being parasites and pull themselves up by their bootstraps to reach the 'employable' class, while the most worthy and deserving members of society reap 99.9% of the planet's wealth. Only in a paradise like this could one have enough freedom to buy themselves the entire Navy SEALS branch of the military. God Bless HBO Presents: AMERICA!

Bearnice now has her own personal army.

Nobody 2017/10/11(Wed)14:49 No. 835915 ID: 129f2e
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Her funding limited by the previous expenditure, Bearnice spends all she has left on purchasing Withered Swamp's Home for the Unwanted. She is no longer bourgeois, or even petite bourgeois. This is unacceptable.

Nobody 2017/10/11(Wed)14:49 No. 835916 ID: 129f2e
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Miss Bearnice's Gigalo Academy of Fine Eroticism for the Sexually Uninhibited is now open. Bearnice also owns the following meat property left over from the previous establishment:


Tommy is a fine, strapping young lad with a penchant for working with his hands and a dream of one day working in carpentry.

Little Tommy is a young, but surprisingly intelligent girl that has yet to enter her teens. She has great potential.

Stupid Tommy, on the other hand, has none. He insists his name is not Tommy but that is stupid because he is meat property and does not get to have a say in the matter.

Fat Tommy is digusting and Bearnice doesn't really like looking at him.

Ugly Tommy is even more disgusting and quite frankly the stupid little slut should realize that her beauty is going to fade quickly and then she'll be a washed up old ugly hag which is what the whore tramp deserves.

Bear is a phasebear. He has breasts and enjoys wearing a batman styled cape made from a black bedsheet.


In Summary, Bearnice has the following assets; a small team of disposable meat property, and a private army. Bearnice also has the following assets; a large number of young virile gigalos. Where will her new fortune begin?

Secure a government contract to use her crack team of scantily clad males to lead the giant woman attacking London with her posterior into the countryside, where she will only terrorise unimportant peasants. She'll have the government's undying thanks and whatever tax money isn't spent on reconstruction.
Speaking of which, you might want to move out of the way...

>>835928
I think those are statues.

Prepare for the incoming giant naked woman. Build a gay porn empire on the backs of your Navy seals/bear gigalos. Use the giant woman for 100 men on 1 giant girl, Gulliver's travels style orgies, and use that leverage that cannot be found anywhere else to bully the other porn producers out of business.

Sacrifice all the Tommies to Mammon to fuel your greed. Spare bear because he's the one who will summon the giant woman for you.

Ah London.
Bearnice surely appreciates the one thing that this great city is truly known for:
Commerce, and not just any commerce, E-Commerce!
Yep, there was never a better market for selling ecstasy tablets in than good ol' Londontowne.

It's about time Bearnice and her compatriots got on top of the trade.

You're a phasebear; the laws of economics have bent over and taken a dragon in the ass. Now apply that to its logical conclusion.

Use your powers to see where your students will end up. Pick favorites accordingly.

Bear obviously has the best potential out of these. Take him under your wing, so that someday, he may own all of this when you grow bored of it and wander off sometime in the next eon.

Nobody 2017/11/01(Wed)13:30 No. 841687 ID: 129f2e
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Bearnice is a phasebear, and is thus used to these sorts of future/past shenanigans. Bearnice clears the area immediately, without question.

Nobody 2017/11/01(Wed)13:30 No. 841688 ID: 129f2e
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And there she be. The giant woman has come with a time copy of Bear, distinguishable by the unicorn horn glued to his forehead. How handy!

Nobody 2017/11/01(Wed)13:31 No. 841689 ID: 129f2e
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Although Bearnice has no money left over to buy petitioning time to petition the free leader to secure a military contract, she does have the ability to *Maul and kill. With contract in hand, she leads her new friend away from the city...

Nobody 2017/11/01(Wed)13:31 No. 841690 ID: 129f2e
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...and straight into her combination drug lab/fetish porn studio. Both are coming along quite nicely. Bear with a unicorn horn and Bear without a unicorn horn, the orphans you have selected as her favourites, are both proving themselves to be quite competent sidekicks. Too competent. As phasebears, they have all the abilities she possesses. There are two of them, and only one of her. Bearnice does not like where crunching those numbers takes her.

(Also, their large fake breasts are beginning to make Bearnice extremely jealous.)

This arrangement will surely be fated for disaster. It must be taken care of, before they get any ideas.

Okay, you've got an army of SEALs at your command. This should be no problem. Lead an expedition of your finest men inside younger Bear's brain, rewiring him to be your obedient slave. Due to the non-linearity of Bear's already paradox-laden existence, this will have to be repeated for the other instance in this time - but you can accomplish it simultaneously with a time duplicate of yourselves! I punched those numbers into my calculator, and it made a happy face.

Make them both fight for the privilege of mating with you. That should solve your being outnumbered problem

You're not crazy enough to chop them up and stitch them into one phasebear with mental shackles and cranial detonators... are you?

>>841809
That had quite the opposite effect last time.

>>841690
Convince each iteration of Bear that the other is jealously plotting against him to win your favor. Turn them against each other before they unite against you.

Nobody 2017/11/13(Mon)13:51 No. 844816 ID: 129f2e
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Phasing into Bear without a unicorn horn's brain, Bearnice and her well trained SEAL operatives perform their deep tissue surgical neurological correction, while future Bearnice and her well trained SEAL operatives phase into Bear with a unicorn horn's brain to perform their deep tissue surgical neurological correction. With dozens of carefully lodged lead bullet-shaped neurological inhibitors inserted simultaneously into the two bears cerebral matter, the bears are sure to be drooling, unfocused, emotionally and mentally damaged machines of perfect managerial servitude.

Nobody 2017/11/13(Mon)13:51 No. 844817 ID: 129f2e
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Bearnice goes ahead and phases the two bears together to create Franken Double Bear with a Unicorn Horn. The shambling, gurgling mass of underage bear meat will surely be the perfect manager of this operation now. As added quality assurance, Bearnice has whispered to Franken Double Bear with a Unicorn Horn that the superior half will be allowed to mate with her, ensuring that the dribbling quivering lump of brain damaged bear fur will be constantly competing to outdo itself. This will provide the best possible management. Truly, Bearnice is a genius at business.

Anyway. This venture is in good hands. Franken Double Bear with a Unicorn Horn is honestly pretty disgusting and Bearnice doesn't like to look at disgusting things, so it's time to blow this joint. Bearnice must expand into new business ventures. The full time space continuum and multiverse is her oyster. What will she do?

Happy endings do exist!

You know what, money (and Bearnice) (but mostly money) caused as many problems as it solved along this journey. Let's find a primitive civilization and beat the concept of the exchange of currency for goods and services out of them early. Viva la revolution!

Thw giant woman is just the start. You need to go and scout more dimensional oddities to recruit as porn stars!

>>844817
You are not as talented at Wyrd Reconstruction as you believe. Ew. Ew. Ew.

The giantess is now yours. Show her what you did to her former master so she understands the full ramifications of bolting at the first opportunity. Once she realizes her new horrifying position as your slave, give her a @#$%-ton of military-grade armor and some artillery. Have her conquer 1800's Earth in your name. Once the world is indoctrinated to worship the ground you phase on, warp to the future and equip your SEAL team with the latest in future-warfare.

Breed the giantess AFTER she's done with conquering the world. If she dies now, you lose your biggest assets.

>>844817
Go find a universe, capture its inhabitants, train them as soldier-slaves. Send half of the slave-soldiers back in time to yourself to do the capturing with.

Travel back in time with the other half of your army, and offer their services as a mercenary protection detail to the people under attack by mysterious slavers trying to capture them.

By the end the population will have paid you to destroy itself.

Nobody 2017/12/04(Mon)13:27 No. 849790 ID: 129f2e
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Yes, this porn business is most certainly the empire a dignified bear like Bearnice would want to build upon.

Bearnice scouts the infinite multiverse until she finds this place, ripe for the selecting. These fine prime young neanderthals look perfect. Supple minds to instill a new philosophy for life. Bearnice will be the vanguard. Viva la revolution! She will teach them the exploitation of the worker under the bourgeoisie, she will teach them the inevitability of the falling rate of profit and the gross inefficiency of market systems, and most of all she will teach them to seize the means of reproduction. With Bearnice's help, these sexy young sluts and studs will learn to trade sex for goods and services instead. And with the whole world becoming one giant porn audition, the most sexiest will be easily spotted and taken back to become your new stars and starlets of smut. Wonderful!

Nobody 2017/12/04(Mon)13:28 No. 849791 ID: 129f2e
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But, what's this now?

Nobody 2017/12/04(Mon)13:28 No. 849792 ID: 129f2e
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Who the hell are these ugly pigs? What are they doing? Are they really trying to step onto YOUR turf? Abduct YOUR new porn stars? Bearnice got here first! This is unacceptable. These half monkeys are YOUR meat property, they are vital to your porn operation, and no dumb alien hag is going to steal them away from Bearnice now!

Nobody 2017/12/04(Mon)13:28 No. 849793 ID: 129f2e
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And there's more???

Nobody 2017/12/04(Mon)13:29 No. 849794 ID: 129f2e
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Great. Just great! Now, on top of a bunch of inconsiderate alien jerkwads, you have some arrogant nouveau riche scumbag demanding that your new meat property pay some kind of protection racket. This is ridiculous. How are you supposed to do away their concept of currency (and replace it with your own self serving need for sexual exploitation) when you are being forced to pay currency to a bunch of thugs? Not to mention that ugly sow with the terrible taste in fashion.

Oh, well there's your problem. You forgot to file a claim on assimilating these natives at the local star cluster's town hall! They're closed today, so go back exactly 364 days and come up with the idea before any of these copycats do.

>>849792
You'll have to recruit these ones as porn stars too. They got the hourglass figures for it, and the ray guns will play to someone's nerd fantasy. (Nerds).

>>849794
Take all of her hats.

>>849794
The solution is simple, you must play both these new factions off against each other. In addition take advantage of frankendoublebear's mentally impaired state to fool him into thinking the nouveaux riche chick is you and wanting to reward him right in this time and space you are about to vacate.

See that ray gun the ugly one's holding? It's an uglification ray. Take it and shoot the ugly ones with it and they'll be so ugly even they won't be able to stand themselves.

This awful fashion can't stand.
Steal those hats.