> I have a good feeling about her!
I don't.

Bring a cleaver knife. And a fork. Some plates for extra ambiguity.

...Good to know, I suppose. How long has she been your penpal, then?

quick, think about all the reasons you think you've gotten this good feeling from.

also what's going on with your reflection and is that a stall with a person in it behind you?

Get distracted by yarn until you're late for your date.

Alert Alert

Belt and shoes do not match.

Quick! Tell us everything you know about this girl.

>brown belt
>black shoes

If you're trying to get some action, you already blew it.

Who is she, how did you meet,why do you have a good feeling, what does she like, and where are you meeting?

Tell us everything you know about this girl.

It is a girl, right? You're sure?

oh my GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE!!!!!!

why do you feel good about her? WHEN is the date? WHERE? why are you in a bathroom?

Why are you preparing yourself for your date in a public bathroom?

Don't forget the novelty fish tightly wrapped in a newspaper!

>badgirl69

There is absolutely no chance this is a girl.

On the plus side, if you're coming out of the closet and/or trying to impress a gay guy, you're perfectly dressed for the occasion.

One Lucky Tom 2016/10/12(Wed)10:39 No. 752685 ID: 820864
File 147629395823.jpg - (840.32KB , 1044x1477 , date2.jpg )

It takes a little more than that to put me off!

>>752685
Do you even know she is a cat? What if she is a mouse? Or a dog?

Go check the table to see if she is there, but don't look like you are waiting eagerly for her. If you get stood up, order a whole bottle of wine for yourself.

If this turns out to be a man, ask him why he has gone through all the trouble to deceive you this way.

"But I can't imagine someone so sweet not being beautiful"

...You've got a lot to learn my friend.

Anyway, did you remember to bring a small gift, like a flower or something?

Alright, it is no time to back off now, to your date!

You're right. What's the worst that could happen? I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong.

NOTHING AT ALL. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. DEFINITELY ISN'T THAT BADGER DUDE NEXT TO YOU.

How're you supposed to know who the person even is?

Your unyielding optimism is infectious, sir.

We'll get you though this, belt or no belt.

>>752696
Preferably with no belt.

Prepare for FULL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES and exit the Bathroom of a Million Lost Voices.

It's too late to take off your belt and hide it. You don't want your pants to fall down, do you?

>>752686
>Do you even know she is a cat? What if she is a mouse? Or a dog?
Good point. But what if it's worse than that? Could be a crocodile lady! Or a wolf! Or it could even be a guy pretending to be a girl!

That's the spirit.
go forth, have fun!

Would you be put off if your mystery date was unattractive? Or not a girl? Be sure you don't lose a friend over misunderstands.

>>752685
Oh, you precious cinnamon bun.

Just...bring your expectations down a bit. The higher your hopes are, the more they have to reach ground. Expecting her to be a complete stunner will just leave you disappointed and ruin the rest of the date due to awkwardness.

>>752685
Well get it going then! Be sure to take an easily-concealable WEPON in case of PLOT DEVELOPMENTS !

>>752763
And by weapon, this means both a condom, and some pepper spray or similar. In discreet but accessible locations.

>>752685
Put the pepperspray in the groin of your pants to create the impression that you are well-endowed.

Pshaw.
Your knowledge of Tie Can Bow is all the protection you need.

...Her name is badgirl69. What makes you think she's a sophisticate?

You play this right, and your days of needing pillows are over.

Oh good, she's not a dude. Or the dude's father. Or senile. Just appreciate the fact that you got a hot girl with giant tits and START THIS DATE.

Greet her in a respectful and polite tone, ample but appropriate amounts of eye contact and make sure you brought your wallet.

Welp, time to show off your sophistication.

You already have lots in common from your online interactions, yes? I think you really are a lucky tom.

>Dogs aren't the type of mammal to appreciate the more sophisticated things.
Shame on you! That's racist! Or speciesist. Whichever is the proper term.

>Badgirl69 is a dog.
Don't say anything rude to her! And quit staring at her boobs! Yes, they're big, but that's no excuse!

Just sit down, start the date, and consider yourself lucky that it wasn't a guy that was pretending to be a girl on the internet.

Oh, and I hope you brought enough money to pay for the food.

But first, now that you've both met irl, its time to exchange your real names! You first, then her.

>>756704
Seconded

>badgirl69
>what if she's a dog
Did you not notice her name is a really blatant allusion to dogs. (Bad girl! Down. Stop bringing strange cats home).

Almost as bad is yours to cats. One of you knew what you were getting into, tonight.

>what do
Suck it up, try to ignore your blatant racism. Don't worry about how "refined" or "sophisticated" dogs are supposed to be- you already know her personality.

And if you're shallow, just focus on those huge knockers to sooth your worries.

HONKERS

>>756689
Oh shit, she's cute.
Give her a chance broham!
"Yeah, that's me!"

Oh no she's cute. Uh..quick...noot noot!

>>756704
Yes

I don't care what you do, just play with her tits the first chance you get

>>756689
Calm down, summon your color back and treat her like you would any other date.

Ladies and gentlemen we have a winar

quick check to see if she has a penis
I mean bulge in her pants
which means penis

Reflexively hiss at her.

Her jacket's nice! Compliment it!

attempt a hug greeting.

>>756689
Stare at her massive...tracts of land.

Woah um that is uh....so it's definitely a girl at least

Be smooth! Say, "Yeah, that's me!" Sit down and compliment her style and tell her how glad you are to meet her.

Luckily she already broke the ice by having such a provocative online handle. Take a seat and ask what's so bad about her.

Do not forget to smile!

Foot meet mouth

SHE IS CUTE FLIRT BADLY

:D she looks nice! tell her so!

>>757743
>Jenna
>Harry

Slate 2016/11/10(Thu)16:15 No. 757745 ID: 820864
File 147882335903.jpg - (1.32MB , 1044x1477 , date4.jpg )

Dogname >_
Catname >_

Catname : Thomas but Tom also works.
Dogname : Mindy (May want to be called 'Mutt' just because I have no idea of why not.)

>>757743
Dogname > Doggo
Catname > Tom O'neLucky

Dogname>Sport
Catname> Tompkins

Dog: Katie

Cat: Tom

Cat: Thomas (what else would his first name be?) Peterson
Dog: Jacqueline Rosetta

>dog breath
Seriously, you were being squeezed into those things and that's what you notice?

>>757745
Well she's very bouncy- er energetic. That tends to be a positive when this stuff happens.

Katie seems fine for her name. Very peppy.
Maybe Fritz for the cat? Needs something a bit stylish.

>>757745
Dogname: Kathrine Castagnier (Lets others call her Kat)

Catname: Charlemagne "The Legend" Llewellyn
Shit, wait no, never mind, that name is already taken!

Actual Catname: Thomas Shepard (Lets others call him Tom)

>>757750
I like this.

>>757763
The titular Fritz was much more low rent than this guy...

>>757764
Shepard is a weird name for a cat, because it's a dog job. How about Mauser or something?

>>757745
aww look how adorable and excited she is

Dogname
>Kathrine, Lets others call her Kat
Catname
Tom variant

Catname: Jerry Periwinkle
Dogname: Prawn Starling

>>757767
Really? You pick up on that, but you completely miss the fact that I said the dog's nickname is "Kat"?

Anyways, that's the point. The dog has a cat related name and the cat has a dog related name.

I like the dog cat mixup name

name the dog Katherine
and the cat Tom Shepard.

Cat name Percy Pounce
Dog name Betty Barker

Dogname: Katherine Mauser
Catname: Rex Shepherd

For no other reason but being silly with doggo and kitty names.

>>757745
Dude, really, stop it. Cat spit ain't no rosewater when it comes to the smell so stop judging her for her dog breath.

Cat: Thaddeus Hornswogle Pendragon, The Third.
Dog: Deedee Buckett.

Hey man just remember, most dogs think cats are snooty racists. Don't be a snooty racist, tom! You can do it! Defeat bigotry by not being a bigot!

Also, >cat name: Tom

>>757792
This

So
Dog name Katherine, Katie or Kat for short
Cat name Thomas Shepard, Tom for short

Now we just need a surname for the dog. we've got Two for Mauser, any better ideas.

>>757798
Rex Shepard has some character, Tom doesn't.

If you're going for symmetry, not much beats Mauser. If not, you could render various cat breeds as names.

Also I just realized
Your name: Tom Shepherd
Your friend: John Spacemarine(you met at hero badass fight school)
Your goal: Get dog tits and kick some gum, and you're all out of ass.

Dogname: Dolly Franklin
Catname: Sebastian Montclair

>>757825
Well damn.

This changes everything.

Dog: Jamie
Cat: Jamie

>>757841
seconding

Doggo: Katherine Mauser
Kitty: Thomas Shepherd
Try not to shout 'tits' instead of your name.

I agree with others in the thread:
Dogname: Katherine Mauser
Catname: Thomas Shepherd

>>757871
Yes this is the best plan

Turns out you're both named Sam.

him... Lucky Tomson. Parents were bad at naming, and so are you.

Her... That's literally her name. Her parents were huge, huuuuuuge internet nerds back in the day. Badgirl69 Frankerz Jones. To rebel against the name, she's super nice, and kinda girlish.

>>757871
... I guess those names might be good too.

>>757871
These names are best

Slate 2016/11/23(Wed)10:57 No. 760944 ID: 820864
File 147992743554.jpg - (1.92MB , 1240x1754 , date5.jpg )

So this is what happened:
> _

> Ya can't imagine how school was!
Something tells me they weren't looking at your face.

> Story
See, normally you can't just gossip about scandals that were officially published - makes your company look like rumormongers who sell their own fiction, destroys your credibility - but they let me tell this one all the time.

Five years ago I was following Jennathan Spriggers. She's the daughter of that one famous talk show host, not very important, but she's a total dumbass, posted videos of her lesbian @#$%ing all over the internet. Her father pulled some strings to get the pictures removed and threatened to sue anyone looking to offer her a steaming romp in public. So all the paparazzi needed to stay ten yards away and pretend they were there for something else.

I took the contract because it meant free gourmet ice cream and other expensive luxuries she constantly went to. So one day, Jenna was at her favorite macaroon place, and she started asking about how macaroons save the world because her father said that all the colors of corruption go into the creamy filling and it's the job of the customers to eat it all up like pussy juice. This one guy, I think he was working for one of our competitors, bursts out laughing for ten seconds straight and then points a finger at Jenna, calling her "incapable of learning how to not stupid". And then she said "duh... yes".

And then the guy laughed even harder, slipped up, knocked over a table, which flung a sundae in the air into the cashier, who then started screaming some tabletop RPG nonsense, then flailed around throwing waffle cones at everyone, and THEN some other guy screamed "Food Fight!", and half the shop go into it! So there's ice cream and sprinkles and soda thrown left and right all across the shop, and I'm hunkering down behind cover taking pictures with my phone, blindside-style, and SOMEHOW Jenna has just stood there without getting more than a few flecks on her dress. Finally, the manager storms in with a sonic whistle and blows for dear life! The entire shop comes to a screeching halt and everyone just stops where they are, the remaining ice cream hitting whoever was in the trajectory. She proceeds to demand who deserves to pay for this, and Jennathan Spriggers, without moving or turning, lights up and cheerfully shouts "I'm always ready to pay the piper long hard"!

And finally the cashier, still blinded by the sundae, throws an entire can of melted vanilla ice cream at her face.

My publishers were SO skeptical of this story that they outright refused to print it as a joke article, and most of the other publishers thought the same. I found the whole story on a newsstand a week later, with the cream-covered mug of Jennathan Spriggers on the front page. That was the ONLY tabloid issue I have ever bought in my entire life.

So, do you have anything that can... top that?

The Paris Hilton cake theft is always a neat story.
Maybe a story that has something to do with your bow-tie? (too tired to think/write anything; will erase this later and come up with something not shit.)

Oh, what about that time you caught famous diva and actor Kit Katy Kat owning and using a bunch of illegal catnip. She had to offer so many bribes in different ways to keep that one a secret, but you all remained undeterred. She had to go to so much rehab for that, so in a way, you all kind of saved her life.

>>760957
This story is amazing, but it would be the equivalent of bringing napalm to a pillow fight.

Tell her about the monkeys that put on horse suits, and would have centaur battles behind closed doors.

>>760967
And Katherine brought mammoth-sized pillows. What's your point?

You know William Goetz, right? Kinda A-list actor but sorta not really? Well he's been getting all kinds of kudos for his most recent movie, what's the name- the one with the jewelry heist? Well I know why. He told me- he was in a club drunk like a fish at the time, of course, but he's completely, deadly serious- he says that he did a jewelry job with the Teal Tigers. Like, to help his method acting. Says they did a smash and grab in some mall and he was on a motorcycle as one of their getaway drivers. So everyone who hears this is saying, there's no way he's serious, nobody'd brag about grand larceny, but he's like "Whatever, anybody who knows can't prove it and anyone who can prove it won't snitch."

The thing is, it makes sense. I mean, the robbery actually happened- there's CCTV footage of a bunch of guys driving into a mall on motorcycles and busting up a storefront before the movie was in production, one of which could be William. If you've ever seen a Goetz movie, you know he's always on a bike- he even has a collection of the things, It's what he did before he got into acting. And the tigers, They're mostly from Lizbia, right? Some magazine did a biography article on Goetz a while back, they said that he speaks the language.

The thing is, it's all circumstantial. Can't make criminal accusations that big based on hearsay.

This is gunna be good

>>760944
's most likely a plant hired by a celebrity's agent to either kill or kidnap you. Happens all the time in Holiwood when celebrities want to keep their image from getting smeared.

The proof is in her overly cheery fake personality, and her big boobs used to lure in lecherous paparazzi.

Nah couldn't be some type of spy or something, she could just be naturally happy and such.

The level of work per update has to be intense, but I wouldn't mind some more Catdog interplay.