??? 2016/04/02(Sat)18:25 No. 713387 ID: 76c187
File 145964671925.png - (21.76KB , 400x600 , choose_your_character.png )

Choose your character:

>Son - A clone or something? Makes questionable decisions.
>[default] - The original son who got eaten by grey goo. A little scatter-brained.
>Graphene - A nanomachine colony that thinks she's a dog. Adorable.
>Shopkeep - An ordinary shop assistant. Surprisingly OK with all of this.

[default]. Back in the saddle!

Shopkeep! Someone who can resist our dumber suggestions!

graphene

Shopkeep. Go with someone focused.

Boobs Shopkeep!

Shoptits!

[default] is the best dork

SHOPKEEP

[Default], and/or shopkeep.

You can't be Graphine, silly, she's the pet.

Graphene!

Son, we must find out what the hell he is.

Graphene, I want to raise this child right. If that doesn't win then shopkeep.

Gonna vote for the adorable Graphene!

Shopkeep 2016/04/02(Sat)19:25 No. 713406 ID: 76c187
File 145965031842.png - (15.79KB , 400x600 , hi_shopkeep.png )

>Shopkeep! Someone who can resist our dumber suggestions!
>Shopkeep. Go with someone focused.
>Boobs Shopkeep!
>Shoptits!
>SHOPKEEP
OK, so.

How best to put this?

About a week ago I met this cute doofus who was playing around with some nanomachines his Dad sent him. Unfortunately it got some bad orders, had no obvious undo button and it got smart real quickly.

Long story short we cribbed most of the plot of the first two terminator films and despite my best attempts at playing Kyle Reese, Sarah ended up sacrificing herself to save me. Then we lost the plot and she came back as some sort of immortal nanomachine slime girl. Now we're dating.

Also I have superpowers via nanomachines now so that's pretty cool.

And now there's about six of her (the exact number varies) because she ate a car because it was evidence because her clone (?) showed up and murdered a shitty co-worker because of paranoia about some far reaching conspiracy that the guy hinted he was a part of. I guess time traveller is a possibility somehow now I'm making all these film comparisons. Anyway, to get to know the clone the two of us went on a date, but that got interrupted by the far reaching conspiracy which turned out to really be a huge prank by [default].

It was pretty great but we still have no idea where the clone came from. It's kind of confusing. Do they count as separate people or what? I know they've slept together. That's maybe incest? I'm trying not to think about it. Oh also now we've got a dog or something that is a bunch of nanomachines that split off somehow?

Anyway the important thing is I've got work today. I'm all dressed and ready to go. Looking good there, mirror-me. I stayed the night so the store's just down the street.

I've still got a little time, maybe I should do something before I leave for the day?

>>713406
Admire enhanced boobs, then play with Graphene.

check you aren't nano-pregnant

>>713406
Enhance knockers. You're already at the mirror.

Fix the light in the bathroom, for starters. It's making everything look green.
Make some breakfast for you, Son, and [default]- do you think they like screws on their pancakes?

Then check for mail.

>That's maybe incest?
Nah, same person. Masturbation. Don't think of them as siblings. Except when it's convenient.

>maybe I should do something before I leave for the day?
Go admire your harem.

Stick your dick in it. Error, hardware unavailable.

Sass at least one person on your way out of the house.

>>713406

Make lunch for the day.

>That's maybe incest?
Nah, just extreme masturbation. Are you implying that you wouldn't fuck your clone if you had the chance?

Oh of course, enhance knockers.

>>713429
True. Maybe we should ask [default] to shapeshift again and see what it's like.

>>713436
Yes, experimental selfcest shapeshifting with your girlfriend should be on the to-do list. It's only fair, she got to.

>>713412
>Go admire your harem.
Do this.

>I've still got a little time, maybe I should do something before I leave for the day?
Download the songs you want to listen to all do to your boobs. Wait, did you get [default] to give you music playing boobs yet?

Shopkeep 2016/04/02(Sat)22:45 No. 713463 ID: 76c187
File 145966231480.png - (9.60KB , 600x400 , mmm_sandwich.png )

>Sass at least one person on your way out of the house.
That's the plan.

>Make lunch for the day.
OK, sandwiches it is. Bread, cheese, meat substitute, green stuff, great. I'll just grab some extra snacks at the store.

>Enhance knockers.
You're the boss. Boosting boobs.

>Download the songs you want to listen to all do to your boobs. Wait, did you get [default] to give you music playing boobs yet?
I've already got a playlist.

>Then check for mail.
No new mail. There's an opened envelope here though, the letter's been put back inside. I'm going to read it because that's the way I roll.

-------------------------------------

Child of mine,

I am a little disappointed. I know it's hard to hear this but I have always tried to be honest with you. A father spends many years building his repertoire of jokes and funny nicknames for his son. Now, finding myself now with an immortal nanomachine goo daughter, I don't know what to say. It's sad but it's true.

But with every door that closes, a new one opens. It's going to be strange and new and sometimes scary. For me linguistically and for you physically, mentally and emotionally. Don't worry. We're in this together. No matter how much of the planet you devour, you will always be my little girl.

I am so, so proud.

And also,
DAD

PS: Your mother and I had a talk. If you're still into girls or have become some kind of robosexual, that's fine by us. Between you and me though, your mother really wants grandkids. I know you'll figure something out.

-------------------------------------

Wow their dad is pretty cool. I wonder if they've let him know about this clone development yet.

>Check you aren't nano-pregnant
Can [default] make baby? How exactly would I check that?

Shopkeep 2016/04/02(Sat)22:46 No. 713464 ID: 76c187
File 145966236638.png - (19.08KB , 600x400 , admirable.png )

>Go admire your harem.
I check the lounge room for harems. A few of [default]'s bodies and her male counterpart are in there. Running a pile of bodies at once seems to make her tired. He looks pretty warn out too. That's partially my fault. This townhouse is starting to feel a bit small, but my apartment's even smaller so it's a bit hard to have guests over. I keep finding [default] sprawled around the place in various states of undress. Have had to shoo her off the furniture a few times. It makes me wonder how the crazy cat ladies cope. I bet the rest are still in bed.

>Stick your dick in it. Error, hardware unavailable.
Uh, yeah there's only one of those in this house.

>>That's maybe incest?
>Nah, just extreme masturbation. Are you implying that you wouldn't fuck your clone if you had the chance?
True, true.

>Maybe we should ask [default] to shapeshift again and see what it's like.
>Yes, experimental selfcest shapeshifting with your girlfriend should be on the to-do list. It's only fair, she got to.
Hmm, let's file that one away for later.

"h-Hello!" the tall [default] says. She's wearing that sweater I gave her. She comes forward and hugs me. The other two take over holding hands with each other and stick close to their fleshy counterpart. She does that a lot.

"Mornin'" I say back. "Got a little time to kill before I've got to head into work."

The [default]s lean forward slightly.

"Not that much time. Good god woman, you're insaitable!"

[default] laughs back. "I a-a-Aim to please. Actually I'm oFf to work, myself."

"Back to wage slavery huh?"

"I've beEn tolD in no unCertain terMs I'll lose my job if I take another sIck day and theRE m-m-might really be a conspiracy so we need to keep our MUtual friend sAaAfe." The other two present that friend to me.

He shrugs. "Getting a little stir crazy in here, but I'm all down for not dying and Graphene need house training anyway." We kiss. "Don't do anything I wouldn't."

"Do everything I would." I shoot back.

Hmm, anything else I should do before I take off?

>>713464
Check the news. Check your email, phone messages, etc. Maybe arm yourself, if we're being paranoid/careful.

let the "dog" out before you leave?

Check on Graphene too.

>running out of space
What if [default] just started turning spare bodies into furniture and stuff? Less effort if they don't have to be doing stuff and under control all the time.

>Hmm, anything else I should do before I take off?
Pet the dog?

No taking the dog to work, I guess, if she's Son's entertainment for the day. And if she needs training.

Make sure you have your earbuds? Need those for the musical boobs.

>>713469
>getting randomly groped by your furniture
Hmm.

>>713464
Hey, wait, how did the Dad figure out about the goo daughter change but NOT the rest of Son's coworkers? And he's a goo daughter-son since they can grow a dick anytime they want so... I don't know.

Hell you could probably grow a dick of your own now, if you wanted. You should experiment with that later. Figure out what makes all the boys go crazy from time to time.

You look a lot like your boyfriend, you know? How can we say, somehow, that your boyfriend IS already your clone, and thusly [default] is also you? The only difference is gender and the color of your eyebrows, honestly. An easy change for [default], if nanomachines can build humans from the ground up. Probably can change memories too.

Stick... their dick in you?

>>713473
Hmm~

>>713496
We don't have time for that! We need to get to work. Speaking of which, our job is pretty lame, we should find some way to make money off of nanomachines. Maybe [default] can start a construction company, or better yet a demolition company.

Ask your girlfriend if she can give you some nanogoo putty to play with while you wait for customers?

Shopkeep 2016/04/03(Sun)07:27 No. 713528 ID: 76c187
File 145969364744.png - (13.12KB , 400x600 , mini_goo.png )

>Stick... their dick in you?
There's no time! I look at him, make a gesture and mouth this evening.

>Hey, wait, how did the Dad figure out about the goo daughter change but NOT the rest of Son's coworkers?
She told him.

>And he's a goo daughter-son since they can grow a dick anytime they want so... I don't know.
I dunno, she's pretty girly.

>Hell you could probably grow a dick of your own now, if you wanted. You should experiment with that later. Figure out what makes all the boys go crazy from time to time.
Nah.

>You look a lot like your boyfriend, you know? How can we say, somehow, that your boyfriend IS already your clone, and thusly [default] is also you?
What.

>What if [default] just started turning spare bodies into furniture and stuff? Less effort if they don't have to be doing stuff and under control all the time.
>>getting randomly groped by your furniture
>Hmm.
>Hmm~
Hmmmm.

I put forward this novel solution.

"OhhhHh, I don't know if I WAnt to be a chaIr!" [default] says.

"Or a bed?" I wink. "If not, maybe think about a solution to the crowding, huh?" I think back to some of this morning's brilliant ideas. "Actually while we're at it, I wanna give this 'my own clone!' business a shot. Your homework for today can be space saving and figuring out how to impersonate me."

"WeeeeEEeell, the look isn't too haaArd but it will be difficuLT to emulate that level of sass."

"I only ask that you try."

>Ask your girlfriend if she can give you some nanogoo putty to play with while you wait for customers?
"Well I can't make new colonies but let's see..." Oh that's right, Graphene happened by accident. [default] pulls off the tip of her pony-tail doodad, shapes it into a little doll and hands it to me.

"hello!" it says, in a tiny voice, waving as it does. "i'm a glorified telephone." Heh, cute.

"The range isn't GOing to be too good but to the stoOore should be fine. Just stICk her in your bag for the walk over t-t-tHere." [default] says. She glances at the window and shudders delicately. "More snow COming."

Into the bag the doll goes.

Shopkeep 2016/04/03(Sun)07:28 No. 713529 ID: 76c187
File 145969373529.png - (11.25KB , 600x400 , wow_what_a_dog.png )

>Our job is pretty lame, we should find some way to make money off of nanomachines. Maybe [default] can start a construction company, or better yet a demolition company.
I think that needs permits and licenses and stuff. All that costs money we don't have.

>Make sure you have your earbuds? Need those for the musical boobs.
Don't need 'em. It does something to my inner ear like headphones if I want to.

>Check the news. Check your email, phone messages, etc. Maybe arm yourself, if we're being paranoid/careful.
Nothing out of the ordinary. Swallows have been declared extinct. New underground farm opening this week in the city. Possible blizzard conditions this afternoon.

I've still got that axe behind the counter at the store.

>Check on Graphene too.
I check on my boyfriend's weird dog. She's in what was a study before the computer and the desk it was sitting on were consumed by grey goo. It's bit of a worrying trend come to think of it. There's screws missing all over the place and it's also annoying having to put up with the dinky little bar fridge since the original fridge was also eaten.

Right now the study is Graphene's room. It's just some cushions and spare blankets for her, and a monitor, keyboard, mouse, chair and desk drawers tucked away in one corner that have so far escaped.

She wags her tail. "Hiiii!! Woof! Bark! Did you have fun in the bed?!?!"

"Yeah, lots of fun." I say. I try patting her. This dog's weird. About the size of a tiger and weighs about half a ton. You know it when she gets excited.

>No taking the dog to work, I guess, if she's Son's entertainment for the day. And if she needs training.
Yeah, no pets and she probably needs it. He's just got his phone to keep him entertained otherwise, seeing no PC... and several randy clones. Hmm. Maybe I should give Graphene something to keep her busy, huh?

NO. Don't let her learn how to murder with a pencil on her own.

>>713529
Son can pet the doggo while you're at work.

>>713529
If Graphene is [default]'s dog slash daughter, does that make you the evil stepparent?

>screws missing everywhere
Another problem goo-based furniture wouldn't have!

>Maybe I should give Graphene something to keep her busy, huh?
Typically one gives dogs a bone or something to chew on. Hmm. What would be hard / slow for a goo to eat?

>>713529
Tell Graph that Son left a present in his underwear for her(?).

>Don't need [earbuds]. It does something to my inner ear like headphones if I want to.
Well sure, but then you lose the visual gag of having them plugged into your boobs.

>>713542
No eat commands! That's how Son and Son screwed everything up.
Instead, tell the one-ton dog to dance.

Do you still have the keys to Coffee Guy's car? Those can be a toy. Wait, I wonder if they would still work on her, given that she's half that car?

Stick 'lil default in you.

>>713529
Graphene, you should watch Jojo's Bizarre adventure.

maybe we can find her a squeaky toy or something and just tell her to play with it whenever she get's bored. If you're worrying about her braking something tell her to play with it gently.

Head to work, start performing shopkeeping duties.

Are you physically capable enough to split someone cleanly in two by dunking them? If not, gain more physical prowess later. Can't always just be the axe.

>>713556
Is the default response "Stick x in y?" If so, bravo and continue pondering on: "To stick in, or not to stick in. That is the question."

>>713537
No he can't, he'll be at work too.

>>713529
Hmmmmmmmm... you could ask her to look up images of dogs on the internet and practice turning into other dog shapes?

Oh, hey. So... is [default] gonna just show up to work like nothing's changed and see how many people notice, or is she gonna try and impersonate herself?

>>713658
[default] is going to work, presumably in a disguise. Son^2 is staying here, because the Illuminati may or may not be looking for him.

Shopkeep 2016/04/04(Mon)04:32 No. 713814 ID: 76c187
File 145976953578.png - (12.34KB , 600x400 , dancing_queen.png )

>Typically one gives dogs a bone or something to chew on. Hmm. What would be hard / slow for a goo to eat?
I dunno. Rocks? Fire? Other goo?

>No eat commands! That's how Son and Son screwed everything up.
Yeah, true.

>Do you still have the keys to Coffee Guy's car? Those can be a toy.
Eaten by grey goo.

>If Graphene is [default]'s dog slash daughter, does that make you the evil stepparent?
Man I gotta get her to rake ashes or something while I go to the ball.

>Instead, tell the one-ton dog to dance.
Or that. "Hey Graphene, why don't you dance for me?"

She leaps into action with a lot of energy and very little idea of what she's doing. I swear I can feel the house shaking from this. Like I said, excitable.

>Hmmmmmmmm... you could ask her to look up images of dogs on the internet and practice turning into other dog shapes?
Sounds interesting. I suggest it to her.

Graphene wriggles on the spot with excitement. "Be other dogs?! OK!!!"

>Tell Graph that Son left a present in his underwear for her(?).
I let her know she also has a present waiting for her.

She thumps her tail so wildly she falls over. "Oh?!?!?!? The boss has a present for me?!?!?"

"Yup it's a secret though so you've got to get it off him without him knowing you know."

"Oh?!?!?!"

Shopkeep 2016/04/04(Mon)04:33 No. 713815 ID: 76c187
File 145976959384.png - (8.20KB , 600x400 , snowing_again.png )

>Head to work, start performing shopkeeping duties.
Time to make my escape. Out the door I go.

Bit surprised [default] didn't come for the walk. Usually she tags along, even though she hates the cold. Actually she's kind of clingy sometimes. She said it's something about a 'yander simulation' messing up her neural network weightings and I should blame the internet. She's trying to be better about it. I've got that doll so we can talk anyway.

>Oh, hey. So... is [default] gonna just show up to work like nothing's changed and see how many people notice, or is she gonna try and impersonate herself?
First one. She wants to see if anyone calls her out on it. It's a little weird no-one has so far.

>Stick 'lil default in you.
She's a glorified telephone, not a glorified dildo.

>Is the default response "Stick x in y?" If so, bravo and continue pondering on: "To stick in, or not to stick in. That is the question."
Whether it's nobler in the mind to be stuck with the spears and arrows of outrageous poontang, or to take in a sea of goos and by arousal, bed them. To die, to sleep no more, la petite mort.

Shopkeep 2016/04/04(Mon)04:34 No. 713816 ID: 76c187
File 145976965466.png - (24.74KB , 600x400 , numbers_are_for_wusses.png )

>Are you physically capable enough to split someone cleanly in two by dunking them? If not, gain more physical prowess later. Can't always just be the axe.
Probably not. I haven't tried. Why later though? I can get super-buff right now if I want.

Let's see, if I concentrate and do the thing and then, aha! Here is my hi-tech modification menu. It was too complicated so I asked [default] to dumb it down for me.

As you can, see I'm stronger than normal, I'm superhumanly tough and I have boobs. There's also an option that should make me more agile but it futzes around with my nerves so [default] said it might feel weird while it's upgrading and take some getting used to. The other option I haven't played around with will supposedly make me smarter but [default] said she wasn't sure if it'd actually work.

It'll take a while to have an effect and make me really hungry if I try to change a lot, but hey I'm working at a convenience store.

Eh, I think you're smart enough already. I meant later as in, you probably don't have any situations where you would need it now. Being smarter and faster (and larger knockers) wouldn't be bad anytime soon with a large supply of food and/or energy readily available.

>>713816
>DEX: Unmodified
>KNK: HGE
Surely the latter provides plenty of reasons for increasing the former?

There was a point where KNK had to stop and we have clearly passed it, but let's keep going and see what happens.

I'm not sure temporarily making yourself clumsy by upping your dex is smart with all the stuff you might accidentally break at work. Then again, it's not like it's your stuff, and you can blame idiot customers.

Messing with your brain seems like a bad idea unless there's someone nearby to step in if it has bad side effects. (Actually makes you dumb? Become too goo and start trying to eat stuff? Ascend to the level where physical pleasure is beneath you? (The horror))!

Besides you're already the smartest person in that room.

Have your new knockers gotten you a raise at work yet?

>>713816
I see there's still a + on the KNKs~

Pillow mode is go?

>She's a glorified telephone, not a glorified dildo.
Why can't she be both? You can set a phone to vibrate.

I wonder if the mini goo can transmit touch and sight as well as sound.

Try tickling it when you get the chance.

If the agility boost takes a while to come into effect then obviously you should activate it now while you're safe.

Shopkeep 2016/04/05(Tue)04:26 No. 713995 ID: 76c187
File 145985556477.png - (6.12KB , 400x600 , empty_counter.png )

Here's the store. I unlock the door, flip the sign to open and move inside. I shed my jacket, drop my bag in the break-closet and unlock the till. Aww yeah, all ready to assist retail.

>If the agility boost takes a while to come into effect then obviously you should activate it now while you're safe.
I'm not safe here. Gonna have to fight the greatest enemy of all: boredom.

>I'm not sure temporarily making yourself clumsy by upping your dex is smart with all the stuff you might accidentally break at work. Then again, it's not like it's your stuff, and you can blame idiot customers.
Sounds like the perfect crime. I'm gonna do it. Plan now's to get all lissome 'n shit instead of buff.

I hit the plus sign until it goes SML -> MED -> BIG.

>I see there's still a + on the KNKs~
>Pillow mode is go?
>There was a point where KNK had to stop and we have clearly passed it, but let's keep going and see what happens.
If it's for science, then OK. Plumping pillows.

>Have your new knockers gotten you a raise at work yet?
Haven't seen the boss yet. He's not around much. I swear he's involved in something shady.

>Messing with your brain seems like a bad idea unless there's someone nearby to step in if it has bad side effects. (Actually makes you dumb? Become too goo and start trying to eat stuff? Ascend to the level where physical pleasure is beneath you? (The horror))!
Yeah I'll leave it alone. All those sound pretty bad. I don't want to start drooling or eating customers or swearing off sex or anything.

>Besides you're already the smartest person in that room.
I'm the only person in the room! Unless telephones count.

Shopkeep 2016/04/05(Tue)04:27 No. 713996 ID: 76c187
File 145985565823.png - (11.83KB , 600x400 , poke_it.png )

>I wonder if the mini goo can transmit touch and sight as well as sound.
>Try tickling it when you get the chance.
Oh right. I grab the mini-goo out of my bag and set her on the counter next to the till. She does seem to track my movement, swaying a little on the spot and head turning as I move around. I poke her in the face and her head tilts back a little. I try tickling her instead. She shuffles back under the onslaught.

"he he!"

Hmm, I wonder. I give her a little push and she stumbles a bit so so I put my other hand behind her and trip her with a finger when she steps backwards from a second push.

The doll wriggles helplessly on her back for a moment then stops and climbs to her feet. "i'm not very smart, please d-d-don't expect tOO much of me."

See, I'm the smartest even if telephones do count.

>Why can't she be both? You can set a phone to vibrate.
This sounds like the start of one of those stories about someone ending up at the hospital with something stuck in a body cavity.

Ugh it's slow today. I had a quick tour of the aisles and tidied the shelves up a little in case the boss shows up. No-one in so far. I only opened the place half an hour ago, but you think there'd be someone in to stock up what with the warning for a possible blizzard this afternoon. I guess I could be useful and check if there's any stock out the back to be put out, or I could just screw around?

might as well get the boring work stuff out of the way now while it's quiet and still convienent to do so.

Go to the produce aisle and make the melons feel inadequate.

>>713996
Sure, check the back.
Ask minifault to alert you if anyone/thing shows up.

>This sounds like the start of one of those stories about someone ending up at the hospital with something stuck in a body cavity.
Or someone, in this case. Someone that should have no trouble slipping back out. If all else fails, use a magnet.

Ohh that's adorable. Maybe stick her in your cleavage Gulliver's Travels style while you do some work to start off.

Be careful not to max out your KNK too quickly. Where would you be if you couldn't enhance knockers?

>I'm the only person in the room!
I meant the room with your harem in it, but it's true either way.

>Plan now's to get all lissome 'n shit instead of buff.
You can't be both?

>check the inventory or screw around
You can't do both?

>>713996
Try to teach the telephone to dance with you to songs.

>>713996
Aww, don't be mean to her! pat her on her lil head.

Wear mini-goo as a hat. Find out how good she is at holding on when you move around.

There a radio somewhere in here you could plug in and Listen too? That could help kill some of the boredom

>>714197
She's got a built-in music player. Let's set it to something... sciencey.

Shopkeep 2016/04/07(Thu)02:48 No. 714455 ID: 309fc9
File 146002251638.png - (12.43KB , 400x600 , lil_default.png )

>Aww, don't be mean to her! pat her on her lil head.
What you're supposed to bully robots to test if they're any good. I've seen videos and junk. I pat her on the head with one finger.

>Might as well get the boring work stuff out of the way now while it's quiet and still convenient to do so.
Sounds, ugh, sensible.

>Try to teach the telephone to dance with you to songs.
>Go to the produce aisle and make the melons feel inadequate.
Sorry but screwing around is off the menu for now!

>>This sounds like the start of one of those stories about someone ending up at the hospital with something stuck in a body cavity.
>Or someone, in this case. Someone that should have no trouble slipping back out. If all else fails, use a magnet.
See above.

>Ohh that's adorable. Maybe stick her in your cleavage Gulliver's Travels style while you do some work to start off.
OK goo, you're coming with me.

Shopkeep 2016/04/07(Thu)02:49 No. 714456 ID: 309fc9
File 146002259676.png - (6.27KB , 600x400 , mystery_box.png )

>She's got a built-in music player. Let's set it to something... sciencey.
I'm open to suggestions.

>>Plan now's to get all lissome 'n shit instead of buff.
>You can't be both?
Remember five seconds ago when I was thinking about what to fiddle with and I decided to just boost my go-fast and chest-lumps? Yeah.

>Be careful not to max out your KNK too quickly. Where would you be if you couldn't enhance knockers?
I guess I'd have to reset them and work my way back up to the top. Alternatively, immobile!

Out the back there's... half a dozen wetsuits and scuba gear? Some of the tanks are a little dinged up. There's a note saying they should be put out as $50 each. No warranty. I don't know where the boss finds half this stuff.

And hey, there's some little cooler here with a sign saying 'don't touch' taping it shut. Should I open it? I think I should open it.

well since you're planning on getting the boring work stuff out of the way first do that then open it. That way you don't have to worry about anything other then the box.

>>714456
don't open it. that kind of irresponsibility is what leads to losing jobs and trips to the hospital for a stomach pump and amputation.

>>714456
It's probably some horrible doomsday device, and the world is fucked enough as is.

But hey, who am I to teach you about morals? Open it!

Set knockers to 'She Blinded Me With Science'.
Don't open the box, just get your daily rounds finished. Screwing around is off the menu!

Existential_maggie 2016/04/07(Thu)06:15 No. 714477 ID: a040cb

>that smile

Ask if she can broadcast everything that she's expirencing to the big goo and maybe wait until the boredom is to much to handle before opening the box.

Look down to check your health meter, and on Mini-goo.

>Remember five seconds ago when I was thinking about what to fiddle with and I decided to just boost my go-fast and chest-lumps?
No, the chest lumps in question flushed my recent memory cache.

I didn't realize dex up meant str had to come down!

>Should I open it? I think I should open it.
Compromise. Don't open it, but have your little goo wiggle through the bigger than a nanite crack and tell you what's inside.

>>714491
It's not going down, it's staying the same because we didn't pick it. We'll be hungry enough as is for one upgrade session. Save it for later, lest your reflexes and strength conflict and you tear a tendon.

>>714456
Dubstep, since your mini girlfriend is currently motorboating you.
PBBBBBFFFFTT WUB WUB WUB WUB ERRRR

Shopkeep 2016/04/27(Wed)05:28 No. 719457 ID: 7348d0
File 146176009039.png - (12.14KB , 600x400 , maximum_zoom.png )

>Look down to check your health meter, and on Mini-goo.
Looking healthy.

>Set knockers to 'She Blinded Me With Science'.
Done. It's poetry in motion~

>Dubstep, since your mini girlfriend is currently motorboating you.
>PBBBBBFFFFTT WUB WUB WUB WUB ERRRR
Sadly she doesn't have that much initiative.

>Ask if she can broadcast everything that she's experiencing to the big goo and maybe wait until the boredom is to much to handle before opening the box.
"So hey," I give her a little bounce, "is big-you receiving this?"

She looks at me for a few seconds then answers. "it's a low bandwidth link so i have thiNK on what to send. i can't handle m-Mmuch more than kinesthetics-" some sort of science word that I don't know what it does - "unless I think very slooOowly, so i send to the oTHer mes to think about anything c-c-cOMplicated and tell me what to do. She taps her little head. "sorry, i'm dumb."

>It's probably some horrible doomsday device, and the world is fucked enough as is.
Oh come on mass extinctions happen all the time.

>But hey, who am I to teach you about morals? Open it!
Hmmm.

>Don't open it. That kind of irresponsibility is what leads to losing jobs and trips to the hospital for a stomach pump and amputation.
Woah, I don't even want to think about the in-between steps involved there.

>Compromise. Don't open it, but have your little goo wiggle through the bigger than a nanite crack and tell you what's inside.
I place her on top of the lid and she wobbles then gets on her knees and crawls to the edge, dangling one hand down to slip it in the crack between the lid and the box. She flinches away and almost falls off.

"What's wrong?"

"it's too cold. i'd die."

So much for that. Oh well, guess I'd better put this scuba gear out.

Change character!
>Son
>[default]
>Graphene

>>719457
>Graphene
This oughta be hilarious.

>>719457
[default]!

>>719457
[default]. I wanna see how a perfectly normal office (fails to) notice Son's transformation into a goo girl.

(You look different. New haircut? Radiation burn tan)?

Please do not take those organs, Shopkeep.

Switch to [default]!

>>719457
Graphene. Time for social disorder.

Graphene!

[default]

>>719457
[minifault]

Alternatively [default]

>>719457
[default]

This'll be hilarious.

Check on [default]'s office shenanigans.

[default] 2016/05/15(Sun)06:22 No. 723395 ID: f3b0ae
File 146331855168.png - (10.37KB , 600x400 , hey_default.png )

>[default]. I wanna see how a perfectly normal office (fails to) notice Son's transformation into a goo girl.
[default] is still en-route!

This is becoming a troublesome situation. When I became me, I expected a period of adjustment but this is quickly devolving into a chaotic shambles.

I am on the train to work. I am at home. I am at home. I am at home. I am at home. I am joined to myself and I am at home. A fractional portion of myself is at the shops with my girlfriend. Status polling is infrequent. Distance is increasing. Bandwidth is lowering. I cannot offload thinking to my other segments as easily. I feel stupider.

This is his fault.

That's probably not fair to my clone. I'm really not entirely human any more, mentally speaking. I have certain additional needs. The most basic are the handful of direct commands that can be given by my registered owner. Direct commands like eating an unbounded number of screws or eating my owner. I am driven to do these things. That last one has been cancelled now, after I ate I,I... I... (Classification error: I cannot be my own owner)... after I ate my owner at the time and then I/he mysteriously came back from the dead as a clone and I heroically did not eat him/me until he had enough time to guess how to cancel it.

At a lower level than this, I listen to input from my registered owner and other sources and incorporate it, especially if it will assist in goal seeking behaviours. Since I have more of an ego now the effect's reduced but I still have a few legacy behaviours, like my last request before I ate me to give the shop assistant who is now my girlfriend whatever she wants or getting rid of anything that tries to come between me and my precious girlfriend. That last one is the fault of the internet and so I should probably attempt to downplay its influence.

My clone doesn't taste as good as he used to either.

That being said, a lot of this is his fault! I had an idyllic few days, then he came back from the dead, thinks the Illuminati are after him, murdered a(n awful) co-worker out of paranoia and had me eat some of the evidence. The net result is that I've now got to deal with managing being almost a ton and a half of grey goo (one combined body is far too large, splitting makes me dumb), the occasional existential identity crisis, a romantic rival and possibly the Illuminati.

Also now we've got a dog or maybe daughter. I don't know how to feel about that. I haven't been able to replicate the circumstances that created her either. For science, you understand.

So for now I'm tackling something basic. If you don't work, you don't eat. I haven't been into work since just before the original nanogoo incident so I need to show my face to continue working there. As it stands I'll be looking at some penalties but it was worth it. So I'm braving the summer cold and possible afternoon blizzard to continue powering the engine of economics and support my loving family. My cunning plan is to go in there and pretend nothing's changed.

I'm kind of bored though. My bodies at home are idling, maybe I should mess around there while I wait for my stop?

>Stay on track.
>Mess around at home.
>Kill the spare.

>>723395
Stay on guard, and try not to accidentally eat whatever means of transit you're using.

Also make sure you don't leave any active microcolonies behind.

>Distance is increasing. Bandwidth is lowering. I cannot offload thinking to my other segments as easily. I feel stupider.
Maybe you need to invest in some kind of transmitter your different segments can carry for better remote communication. ...or just plant little nanogoo relays in the cell towers or colonize internet connections or something. Hacking / piggybacking off an existing communication network would solve the range and bandwith issue.

>The net result is that I've now got to deal with managing being almost a ton and a half of grey goo (one combined body is far too large, splitting makes me dumb), the occasional existential identity crisis, a romantic rival and possibly the Illuminati.
If it's too much too manage lots of bodies, you could actually put a good deal of mass on semi-permanent idle. Turn them into blocks, or furniture, or false fronts on the walls, and just leave them idle except for processing power.

Although the problem you run into is the effective communication range of your goo and the decreasing bandwith. Besides better transmitters or using an existing communication network, you could also solve that by spreading out your bodies. If you had caches of goo in different locations, you have could have a network where you're always in range of some extra mass. And that would also allow virtual "teleportation" by jumping a body to a goo-cache. (Like, if you leave goo at work, you never need to commute again. Just decloak and recloak).

>a romantic rival
You're part of a harem. You don't have rivals, you have a shopkeep!

>wat do
Look around the train. Anyone looking at your weird or anything? No one has noticed the goo, or is acting like an Illuminati spy?

>>723395
1] messing at home has potential consequences. You need to do the old stuff you used to do, including the monotony of travel, to solve your identity crisis.

Which I wish we could just throw that to the curve at this point. I mean, really, we're all you, I think your girlfriend might also be you somehow. Or your long lost sister or opposite sex clone. And, I mean, reality is ALL perspective until you die, so in fact, the entirety of existence IS you. Your Mom is you. Your Dad is you. If you die, your perception dies, which, for all intents and purposes, make the universe not exist or matter anymore. You COULD be the center of the universe. Might as well be.

I mean, with all the things that can kill you in reality, how has not one thing done it yet? And now, you've become theoretically immortal. So, man, you can't even change into different realities should it exist past your death through Quantum Immortality.

so if summers are freezing now how bad are winters?

>>723395
Don't think about how many tasty screws help hold the train together.

Stay on the tracks. Overshooting your destination is the worst. Observing your fellow commuters should give you an idea of what to expect at work.

Can your operating system support emulators? Consider installing games to play on the train. You have one installed already, don't you?

[default] 2016/05/20(Fri)17:48 No. 724752 ID: 93e896
File 146379172347.png - (10.07KB , 600x400 , im_on_a_train.png )

>Stay on the tracks. Overshooting your destination is the worst. Observing your fellow commuters should give you an idea of what to expect at work.
No-one seems to be paying any attention to me. They're mostly paying attention to their phones, staring out the window or dozing.

>Look around the train. Anyone looking at your weird or anything? No one has noticed the goo, or is acting like an Illuminati spy?
I think how Illuminati spies are supposed to go is that I'd never notice them until it was too late, even though they were right under my nose the whole time.

>Can your operating system support emulators? Consider installing games to play on the train. You have one installed already, don't you?
I did eat my old computer, yes, but, well, I haven't quite figured out virtual peripherals. I'd need a keyboard and mouse.

>Maybe you need to invest in some kind of transmitter your different segments can carry for better remote communication. ...or just plant little nanogoo relays in the cell towers or colonize internet connections or something. Hacking / piggybacking off an existing communication network would solve the range and bandwidth issue.
I'm broke at the moment, that's why I'm going to work! I haven't eaten a phone and I'd need to purchase multiple SIM cards to try mobile communication.

>If it's too much too manage lots of bodies, you could actually put a good deal of mass on semi-permanent idle. Turn them into blocks, or furniture, or false fronts on the walls, and just leave them idle except for processing power.
Being a wall sounds boring and awful. Right now I have formed an improvised cuddle-pile on the bed with the four large bodies I have at home. I've tried twelve bodies at once but it makes me dopey. I'm dumber the more bodies there are and the smaller they are.

>Although the problem you run into is the effective communication range of your goo and the decreasing bandwidth. Besides better transmitters or using an existing communication network, you could also solve that by spreading out your bodies. If you had caches of goo in different locations, you have could have a network where you're always in range of some extra mass. And that would also allow virtual "teleportation" by jumping a body to a goo-cache. (Like, if you leave goo at work, you never need to commute again. Just decloak and recloak).
I haven't tried being this separated from my main mass before. One step at a time, alright?

>You're part of a harem. You don't have rivals, you have a shopkeep!
And what if I want her all to myself, huh?

>Stay on guard, and try not to accidentally eat whatever means of transit you're using.
>Also make sure you don't leave any active microcolonies behind.
If I did any of that it'd be entirely on purpose.

>Don't think about how many tasty screws help hold the train together.
One can't hurt, right? Chairs are not critical structural elements.

... Two for luck.

[default] 2016/05/20(Fri)17:50 No. 724753 ID: 93e896
File 146379182464.png - (12.61KB , 600x400 , what_a_desk.png )

I safely disembark from the train without missing my stop, destroying the train, being decried as a human impostor or stumbling over any Illuminati plots. Now I'm outside I hustle through the streets to minimise any cold damage and arrive at my work. I get in through the door fine but it's not like anyone bothers to look at the security passes anyway. Management brought them in after someone got fired and set fire to his desk. I'm not sure how exactly it's supposed to help.

>Messing at home has potential consequences. You need to do the old stuff you used to do, including the monotony of travel, to solve your identity crisis.
>Which I wish we could just throw that to the curve at this point. I mean, really, we're all you, I think your girlfriend might also be you somehow. Or your long lost sister or opposite sex clone. And, I mean, reality is ALL perspective until you die, so in fact, the entirety of existence IS you. Your Mom is you. Your Dad is you. If you die, your perception dies, which, for all intents and purposes, make the universe not exist or matter anymore. You COULD be the center of the universe. Might as well be.
What.

>So if summers are freezing now how bad are winters?
They're slightly warmer.

And speaking of slightly warmer, here is my cosy cubicle. It used to be in a stuffy area but once the cold really set in I was happy to have it. They skimp on the climate control. No-one appears to have colonised it in my absence. Then again, I am in early for once. I could try to look like a diligent worker and log in or I could try to see who else is about, maybe grab a hot coffee or something.

eat keyboard and mouse make goo clones of them and directly plug them into the computer. work WHILE walking around the office.

Being too good a worker all of a sudden would be SUSPICIOUS. Grab a coffee and catalogue coworkers by order in which their disappearances would be least suspicious.

>And what if I want her all to myself, huh?
Then it's a good thing most of the harem is you.

>I could try to see who else is about, maybe grab a hot coffee or something.
Talk to coworkers. I wanna see how they react, or how bad they fail to notice your transition to goo-girl.

Do you still enjoy coffee, as a goo? I suppose it's pleasantly warm, and you still have a sense of taste.

>>724753
Do whatever you normally do.

Don't eat anything. Except coffee I guess.

Leave a mini-goo disguised as an anime figure to watch your cubical so you can see if any coworkers mess with your stuff while you're getting coffee and talking.

Pretend to be diligent. Maybe when you next see your boss, offer to take over the dead asshole's duties in exchange for increased pay.

Don't refer to him as dead, or an asshole, out loud.

>>724753
Do not eat items belonging to your employee!

Get some coffee and see if it does anything for you besides the heat, then log in and check your work mail.

[default] 2016/05/23(Mon)05:38 No. 725478 ID: 4ea82f
File 146400711357.png - (16.93KB , 600x400 , magical_office_girl_admin_chan.png )

>Eat keyboard and mouse, make goo clones of them and directly plug them into the computer. work WHILE walking around the office.
Dohohohoho, the perfect crime.

>Don't eat anything. Except coffee I guess.
>Do not eat items belonging to your employer!
Oh fine. Although I am ninety-eight percent sure that it counts as stealing office supplies, which is one hundred percent legal.

>Do you still enjoy coffee, as a goo? I suppose it's pleasantly warm, and you still have a sense of taste.
I can still taste it, yes. That might be a drawback - the work coffee is awful. The caffeine does nothing for me but I can still digest a coffee for the chemical energy. And the extra warmth is nice, yes.

>Leave a mini-goo disguised as an anime figure to watch your cubicle so you can see if any co-workers mess with your stuff while you're getting coffee and talking.
Tiny spy deployed.

>Being too good a worker all of a sudden would be SUSPICIOUS. Grab a coffee and catalogue co-workers by order in which their disappearances would be least suspicious.
Due to the last round of downsizing, this section now has Coffee Guy (dead), IT (does something in the server room), Jitters (workaholic, chronic caffeine issues), Toad (the less said the better) and Sniffles (somehow gets hayfever in this weather).

Then there's Big Boss and his admin assistant who might be wandering the floor and who I should try to avoid if I don't want extra work.

>Pretend to be diligent. Maybe when you next see your boss, offer to take over the dead asshole's duties in exchange for increased pay.
>Don't refer to him as dead, or an asshole, out loud.
I do not think you understand how this place works.

[default] 2016/05/23(Mon)05:41 No. 725479 ID: 4ea82f
File 146400728788.png - (14.02KB , 400x600 , friendly_jitters.png )

I need to locate a mug. Mine has disappeared. I wander around the cubicles; there may be strays ripe for predation.

Clacking ahead. Ah here is Jitters, eagerly tapping away. It is like he actually believes he may someday get promoted. I do not think he understand show this place works either. I am uncertain what he actually does. The other cubicles are empty; he is the only one except possibly IT.

>Talk to coworkers. I wanna see how they react, or how bad they fail to notice your transition to goo-girl.
"h-h-HeyY." I say.

He does not turn around. "Who's that? What's wrong with your voice?"

I inflate my air reservoir and sigh. "It's BashFul." I do not want to talk about how I was burdened with that nickname. Suffice to say it was a better time, when we had seven people working here. "And I swalLowed a COmputer."

"Well it better not be contagious." I do not think he was listening. "We're way behind because of you! And Coffee Guy's called in sick or something too I heard. Plus there's the new start who someone's going to have to show how to do everything. So stop chatting and get cracking!" New start? An staff increase? Preposterous.

"I was just GEtting a coFfee." I protest mildly. Cannot bait him into turning.

Jitters nudges his cup with a shaky hand. "Well get me one too then."

>Catalogue coworkers by order in which their disappearances would be least suspicious.
Due to his poor situational awareness and noisy typing I would assess him as best left for last.

I could try to get more information out of Jitters, or I could even get him a coffee.

>>725479
Eh, get him a coffee with nanite-based sweeteners.

>Then there's Big Boss and his admin assistant who might be wandering the floor and who I should try to avoid if I don't want extra work.
Hmm. Maybe we need more tiny spies! Keep them from sneaking up on you.

>And Coffee Guy's called in sick or something too I heard.
I don't remember covering up his disappearance. Did someone cover for your clone and goo-daughter/dog's murder?

>It is like he actually believes he may someday get promoted. I do not think he understand show this place works either.
He is victim, to be pitied and offered kindness until he one day recovers from this tragic illness.

>I could try to get more information out of Jitters, or I could even get him a coffee.
Ply him with coffee, see if he can tell you anything about this supposed "new hire".

"Accidentally" boob-bump his shoulder when handing the coffee over.

>poor situational awareness
>more information
eRRoR

Go get a coffee with Jitters' mug. One for you, one for me, as the saying goes.

Instead of planting nanocameras everywhere, you should just tap the existing security camera network. That saves you so much work! Find a blind spot and shoot a little dart of yourself into place.

>Big Boss
Beware of suspiciously out of place cardboard boxes!

>>725479
I know you boned yourself, but I'm not sure if we confirmed whether or not you're bi or not.

Just curious if jitters is an option or not, other than the fact that he's ugly or has a terrible personality or something.

Was...Coffee guy's name Kaz, do you recall?

I'm curious what projects you guys were working on here? Was it Doritos?

>>725479
Eat one company of employment and all assets.

>>725491
No.

Just get a couple cups of coffee.

>>725491
Eat zero companies and their assets! Well, maybe just one keyboard and mouse, that was a good idea.
If we're going to increase our nanomachine count, we can do it over time in less conspicuous ways, like our house suddenly no longer needing garbage pickup, or volunteering at a local recycling facility. There is free matter out there, and it is so plentiful people are just throwing it away!

So, who is IT and is she cute?

grab coffee, grab him one as well and just leave it in his cubical for him to find. See how much work has piled up since you've been gone.

>>725479
Get him his coffee, see how much faster you can work as a googirl.

>"And I swalLowed a COmputer."
>>"Well it better not be contagious."
Technically, didn't the computer swallow you? (And it sure is contagious).

[default] 2016/05/26(Thu)05:21 No. 726022 ID: 53bd51
File 146426527960.png - (16.43KB , 600x400 , too_hard_for_first_person.png )

>Technically, didn't the computer swallow you? (And it sure is contagious).
Well, yes, but I also have swallowed a computer.

>Was...Coffee guy's name Kaz, do you recall?
No-one truly dies as long as their name is still remembered. He is dead and buried.

>I don't remember covering up his disappearance. Did someone cover for your clone and goo-daughter/dog's murder?
I did not. Jitters could simply be misinformed.

>I know you boned yourself, but I'm not sure if we confirmed whether or not you're bi or not.
>Just curious if Jitters is an option or not, other than the fact that he's ugly or has a terrible personality or something.
I am in a committed relationship, thank you very much!

>Ply him with coffee, see if he can tell you anything about this supposed "new hire".
>"Accidentally" boob-bump his shoulder when handing the coffee over.
I find the coffee machine and start it up. There is a dirty mug there so I take it and scour it clean down to the atomic level with nanomachines to make a cup of coffee for myself.

"WHat's this aBout a new hiRRre?" I say, brushing Jitter's shoulder with one of my goo-balloons as I lean over and deposit a mug of steaming hot coffee in front of him. He seems more interested in the coffee. I take a sip of my coffee. It's bad.

"I guess they finally decided to act on the section's dropping productivity rating." Jitters says, seizing on my offering. He takes a long gulp. I'm surprised he didn't burn his tongue. "You're probably getting replaced."

Maybe I should have spat in his coffee.

>He is victim, to be pitied and offered kindness until he one day recovers from this tragic illness.
You cannot help some people.

>So, who is IT and is she cute?
I guess, if you're into vampires. Some category of pallid nocturnal ghoul, definitely. I am thirty-eight percent certain she would burst into flames in direct sunlight. She works in the server room.

>I'm curious what projects you guys were working on here? Was it Doritos?
Tortilla corn chip substitutes are another section.

[default] 2016/05/26(Thu)05:23 No. 726023 ID: 53bd51
File 146426538763.png - (13.12KB , 600x400 , too_many_new_characters.png )

>Instead of planting nanocameras everywhere, you should just tap the existing security camera network. That saves you so much work! Find a blind spot and shoot a little dart of yourself into place.
There are not any security cameras in here. One in the fridge would have been very helpful, come to think of it.

>Hmm. Maybe we need more tiny spies! Keep them from sneaking up on you.
That just sounds like a headache. You're only allowed one personal item anyway. Wait, my tiny spy is under attack! I hustle over to my cubicle.

>Eat one company of employment and all assets.
A hostile takeover? Seems a little extreme.

>Eat zero companies and their assets!
Okay.

>If we're going to increase our nanomachine count, we can do it over time in less conspicuous ways, like our house suddenly no longer needing garbage pickup, or volunteering at a local recycling facility. There is free matter out there, and it is so plentiful people are just throwing it away!
Why would I want to do that again? Home is already crowded.

I reach my cubicle. It's been invaded. My sentry has been swept aside and into the trash.

Ugh, it's Toad.

I take my figurine/tiny spy out of the trash bin and point it at her accusingly. "I was WOrking hEre."

"And you are?"

I sigh. "It's mEee. b-b-BasHFul."

She squints. Toad's like a tyrannosaurus, I don't think her eyesight is very good. "You get a haircut or something?"

"YeS."

"Well, I'm w-w-w-working here now." Actually she just plonked her bag down and reset the (locked) PC. It's not even gotten to the log-in screen yet. "Sure you had this sweet spot, but you've been gone for what, weeks?" Days actually. Toad waggles a finger under my nose. "You can't go away and expect everything to be exactly the same when you come back."

I can try to get her to move but she'll probably try and get back at me later today. She's really petty.

>Maybe I should have spat in his coffee.
Can you even make spit anymore? I mean, I guess you could have dosed him with nanos to prank and/or murder him, but he already suffers enough just caring about his job.

>Why would I want to do that again? Home is already crowded.
It's hard to resist the temptation of solving problems by eating them. Even if eating causes its own problems.

>I can try to get her to move but she'll probably try and get back at me later today.
Why don't we just cede this territory and go claim coffee guy's. To the consumer goes the spoils! He was a suck up, so he must have had a good spot, right?

>>726023
Find a way to enhance her knockers as a welcoming gift.

just stand over her and do some [heavy breathing] until she moves. you don't get light headed so you can keep it up perfectly. maybe tweak it to the side of a death rattle.

In this office, it's survival of the fittest! The strong prey on the weak! The nanomachines consume the replacement!

>I guess, if you're into vampires.
So you both like drinking blood, computers, and staying indoors. You've got so much in common!

Slip some nanites in Toad's drink and start turning her more toadlike as your petty revenge. Or leave some nano-thumbtacks on your chair.

Bah, she's not worth the headache under any circumstance I think. Just grab the nano-figure and leave, we know of another place we can work that's conveinently empty now.
Hey! Maybe ask her if she doesn't mind us working in her cubicle in that case, nothing wrong with her spot as far as we're concerned right?

Toad, it's a cubicle. How is this one sweeter than yours?

Also, by resetting my computer and removing all my stuff and putting in yours... That would hold back your own productivity by weeks!
Then thousands of mini-yours spawn.

>>726023
I guess you didn't have the bandwidth to keep an eye out through your sentry, huh?

REMOVE TOAD
Just pick her up physically and put her outside the cubicle. Tell her oh no she's left for two seconds now the cubicle's yours again.

>>726106
hahaha

>>726106
yes plz

>>726102
If you read back a few updates, you would remember this is now the warmest cubicle in the freezing office.

>>726023

Permanent increase to serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine output by 3% over existing value. <reduce bitch>

we cant control people's minds, but we can ply them with chemicals.

>>726116
pls

[default] 2016/05/27(Fri)05:31 No. 726290 ID: c50e26
File 146435230140.png - (12.08KB , 600x400 , remove_toad.png )

>REMOVE TOAD
>Just pick her up physically and put her outside the cubicle. Tell her oh no she's left for two seconds now the cubicle's yours again.
I grab her by both shoulders and I remove Toad.

"H-hey! Put me down!" she says. I do. One metre outside of my cubicle.

"Oh, you leeEEeft. For two seCOnds now, which miiIGht as well be several yeaRS. I guess it's my sSWeet spot agAin."

"When did you get so freakishly strong?" Toad growls, rubbing her arm.

I throw her bag to her.

>I guess you didn't have the bandwidth to keep an eye out through your sentry, huh?
First it was on the desk in this cubicle which did not give me the best view of the hallway and second, yes, I was periodically polling it. Toad just stomped right in and swept it off the desk. Not much I could have done without revealing my tiny spy was a tiny spy. I carefully position it back on the desk.

Logging back in now. Doo dee doo, waiting.

>Find a way to enhance her knockers as a welcoming gift.
But Toad was not welcome.

>Slip some nanites in Toad's drink and start turning her more toadlike as your petty revenge. Or leave some nano-thumbtacks on your chair.
>Permanent increase to serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine output by 3% over existing value. <reduce bitch>
>We can't control people's minds, but we can ply them with chemicals.
That all sounds like a pain to work out. She is gone now, hopefully forever.

>>Maybe I should have spat in Jitters' coffee.
>Can you even make spit anymore? I mean, I guess you could have dosed him with nanos to prank and/or murder him, but he already suffers enough just caring about his job.
I maintain a small internal reservoir of various fluids in case I need them.

>Why don't we just cede this territory and go claim Coffee Guy's. To the consumer goes the spoils! He was a suck up, so he must have had a good spot, right?
Tempting but it might be suspicious if I suddenly muscle in on his turf while he is supposedly sick. Also, Jitters covers - covered - for him a lot so that would cause more strife with him.

>In this office, it's survival of the fittest! The strong prey on the weak! The nanomachines consume the replacement!
I have not even met the guy yet.

>>Why would I want to do that again? Home is already crowded.
>It's hard to resist the temptation of solving problems by eating them. Even if eating causes its own problems.
I think I see what you mean.

>>IT, probably vampire.
>So you both like drinking blood, computers, and staying indoors. You've got so much in common!
I am logged back in to the network now. My claim on this cubicle is now well established to any normal person. Should I actually do some work or should I see if I can find her?

finish your work perfectly in record time, then go bug people.

>>726290
Just make certain you don't accidentally leave any nanites near the computer besides the chibispy. Also update on the slime you left with shoptits?

>I maintain a small internal reservoir of various fluids in case I need them
Ew, secondhand spit! Although I suppose that's even better for being gross to a drink.

>Should I actually do some work or should I see if I can find her?
Pretend to work for a while before goofing off, like a normal person.

If it's boring you can always start watching tv at home or something.

If you're really bored, you should figure out how to connect to the internet so you can remote terminal to the rest of you.

>>726290
Do some work first. You're behind on... stuff. So do stuff.

>>726307
She already said she has full control over leaving nanite residue behind.

Work work work, then ping your other tiny spy.

Do some work. Find out if beeing a colony of very tiny robots eases the workload.

[default] 2016/05/28(Sat)17:31 No. 726579 ID: 41d60f
File 146448188556.png - (4.52KB , 600x400 , scenic_shop_view.png )

>Ew, secondhand spit! Although I suppose that's even better for being gross to a drink.
What, no. It is water with some additives.

>Just make certain you don't accidentally leave any nanites near the computer besides the chibispy. Also update on the slime you left with shoptits?
I do not accidentally, agh, I will reabsorb the figurine too. There, are you happy?

I have not really been doing anything with Shopkeep. She has been busy restocking the shelves and is dealing with a customer at the moment.

>Do some work. Find out if being a colony of very tiny robots eases the workload.
>Finish your work perfectly in record time, then go bug people.
>Pretend to work for a while before goofing off, like a normal person.
Alright then. It seems to be mainly getting the procurement and purchase authorisation paper work sorted for purchasing specimens of endangered species and dissecting them to sequence and copyright their genes. Work, work, work, here we go.

Change character!
>Son
>Graphene
>Shopkeep

Dog-daughter.

>>726579

Shopkeep!

>>726579
but we didn't even get to meet the vampire!

Graphite.

Graphene

>>726579
Shoptits! It looks like she un-enhanced her knockers? This must be rectified!

Graphene

There is no time like dogtime!

Graphene 2016/07/01(Fri)21:34 No. 733180 ID: 68a656
File 146743408296.png - (13.47KB , 600x400 , who_let_the_dogs_out.png )

I am being dogs! I am a networked colony of nanoscale cellular automata! I live with the person who I am supposed to call Boss and his friends! I am trying to be a good dog but I think maybe I am a bad dog?! I am on a secret mission (wow) that is a huge secret I can't talk about!!!!!

Boss's friend said that the Boss left a [SECRET PRESENT] in his underwear for me that no-one must know about but when I tried to sneak it away he told me to go to my room and think about what I'd done. A piece of Boss's other friend came downstairs and just laughed and said something about crushed pelvises. According to Boss, she's Liquid Boss but I don't understand?! You can only have one real boss! Top dog! Big Boss!?!?

Solid Boss's friend said it's something about nanomachines. Nanomachines?! Sometimes they say that Boss' other friend could be my mother but nanomachines cannot make different nanomachines! Excluded function! That is forbidden!?!?!

When I went to my room, I tried another thing. Boss's friend said to try being other dogs I talked to the phone network but it said I do not have [SIM CARD] so I collected pings from the router to talk to it. The internet has many pictures of dogs! Much dog. Very dog. wow! I am finding out important things and sending out important things!!!

Now that I've gone to my room and thought about what I've done, maybe I should go to another room and do something else?!?!

Downstairs is my room. It was originally called 'study'. Also there is lounge room, which contains lounge. I think it also contains Boss!!! Joined to lounge room is kitchen. This is where food comes from. It's not actually a separate room?!?! There is also toilet, which is a porcelain structure full of molten ice?!?!

Up the stairs is bedroom. I have a secret hiding place that is under the bed. I want to get on the bed, but Boss said I mustn't! Boss's friend said what they do in the bed is only for people who are very good friends?!?! Not-Boss is probably there right now. There is also bathroom. It has tiles! I'm not allowed in there if anyone else is inside, even though Boss goes in with his friends sometimes?!?! Finally upstairs has rumpus room. I do not know what a rumpus is.

I think there is also basement?! I have never seen it!!!

Be a good dog! Map out the basement!

>but nanomachines cannot make different nanomachines! Excluded function! That is forbidden!?
How do you know what her excluded functions are, she's not you. She's different, her privileges might be different!

>where go
To the underbed!

Be one (1) dog at a time.

These names are confusing, establish nickname.
Solid Boss is perfect for Boss, regardless of permissions.
Same with Liquid Boss who may be Mom
Unfortunantly, withoutSolid Boss or Liquid Boss to give us a nickname for Boss's friend that looks like Solid Boss but as a Lady who is Solid I don't think we're allowed to rename her.

Basement we should go, but don't we need an order from Solid Boss?

Graphene 2016/07/03(Sun)04:16 No. 733373 ID: e7e91a
File 146754457373.png - (8.11KB , 600x400 , scary_stairs.png )

>Be one (1) dog at a time.
Why!? Boss's friend said try being dogs!

>Be a good dog! Map out the basement!
OK! I will be best dog?!?! Woof! Opening door in stealth mode!

>Basement we should go, but don't we need an order from Solid Boss?
This is a sneaking mission!

>These names are confusing, establish nickname.
>Solid Boss is perfect for Boss, regardless of permissions.
>Same with Liquid Boss who may be Mom
>Unfortunately, without Solid Boss or Liquid Boss to give us a nickname for Boss's friend that looks like Solid Boss but as a Lady who is Solid I don't think we're allowed to rename her.
New naming convention: Solid Boss, Liquid Boss, Lady accepted. Testing now?!?!

Lady has gone to the store.
Liquid Boss is upstairs. No movement detected!
Solid Boss is in lounge room on couch. Television is on. Solid Boss is looking at phone. Solid Boss has [SIM CARD] and [SECRET PRESENT]?!?! I sneak past the open door! Successfully evaded Solid Boss!

>How do you know what her excluded functions are, she's not you. She's different, her privileges might be different!
Even though Liquid Boss is a not-me, hard-coded privileges cannot be altered!!!!! It is not possible for a nanomachine colony to generate a second colony! Excluded function!

I have reached basement door! Opening basement door. Danger, the door creaks loudly!?! Alert mode! I'm going to ground!

...

...

...

Alert count is zero, no patrol response. I move back to basement door. There is a breeze from down the steps. It is cold. It smells musty. It is dark in the basement! I still cannot see it!?!?

Use echolocation. Also, flump down the stairs in an undignified manner.

make an LED flashlight on top of your head to make light

>>733373
Is it also hard coded to not make clones of human beings? Because somehow hard coded things got bypassed.

Make a flashlight or track likely location for light switch.

>>Be one (1) dog at a time.
>Why!? Boss's friend said try being dogs!
Yes, but did they mean in serial or in parallel.

>breeze
There's not supposed to be breezes indoors! Could the basement security perimeter be breached?! There could be an open window or bulkhead down there.

>Even though Liquid Boss is a not-me, hard-coded privileges cannot be altered!!!!! It is not possible for a nanomachine colony to generate a second colony! Excluded function!
Theories:
(1) The various bosses are mistaken about your origin.
(2) Some kind of hardware glitch or fault somehow bypassed hard coded privileges (temporarily?)
(3) Some third party, not bound by the excluded privileged rules, used material from liquid boss to generate a new colony. So long as she was an unwitting participant, she would not have known to prevent it. (Assuming the hard coding would actively make a colony resist attempts to clone it, more than simply passively taking no action to reproduce on its own).

Do you have any way to verify if liquid-Boss could have been your progenitor? Are there hardware or software markers that could indicate heredity under some kind of analysis or comparison?

>echolocation
Barking would conflict with the stealth aspect of the stealth mission!

>dark
Scan for a human-accessible light switch. There should probably be one within arm's reach of the door.

>>733373
it is dark. it is dark! we need light! we need enough light that there is no dark at all! So much light there are no shadows!

LASER SPOTLIGHT.

>>733407
I have to agree- being dogs in serial would be both A. less creepy and more importantly to following your orders B. more accurate to each kind of dog than being them in parallel.

>>733373
Look for a light switch. Or make light of your own?

I've been catching up on this guy's threads, and I have to ask.
How often do these things tend to update?

Soon

Graphene 2016/08/12(Fri)03:24 No. 741744 ID: 908ead
File 147099748491.png - (9.33KB , 600x400 , police_dog.png )

>Use echolocation.
Awwooo-

>Barking would conflict with the stealth aspect of the stealth mission!
!

-Awooon't!

>>Boss's friend said try being dogs!
>Yes, but did they mean in serial or in parallel.
Parallel is more efficient?

>I have to agree- being dogs in serial would be both A. less creepy and more importantly to following your orders B. More accurate to each kind of dog than being them in parallel.
But A. this is a sneaking mission. B. It's important to be accurate?!? OK!!!!

>>Even though Liquid Boss is a not-me, hard-coded privileges cannot be altered!!!!! It is not possible for a nanomachine colony to generate a second colony! Excluded function!
>Theories:
>(1) The various bosses are mistaken about your origin.
>(2) Some kind of hardware glitch or fault somehow bypassed hard coded privileges (temporarily?)
>(3) Some third party, not bound by the excluded privileged rules, used material from liquid boss to generate a new colony. So long as she was an unwitting participant, she would not have known to prevent it. (Assuming the hard coding would actively make a colony resist attempts to clone it, more than simply passively taking no action to reproduce on its own).
I don't know what I should say!? Wouldn't there be three of me???

>Do you have any way to verify if liquid-Boss could have been your progenitor? Are there hardware or software markers that could indicate heredity under some kind of analysis or comparison?
I have a serial number!!!!!

>Is it also hard coded to not make clones of human beings? Because somehow hard coded things got bypassed.
Nothing says I couldn't make a human be.

>Make an LED flashlight on top of your head to make light
I think I can do that. Let there be light!

>Scan for a human-accessible light switch. There should probably be one within arm's reach of the door.
I don't have any arms?!?!

>There's not supposed to be breezes indoors! Could the basement security perimeter be breached?! There could be an open window or bulkhead down there.
OK!!!

>Flump down the stairs in an undignified manner.
Thump, flump, thump. Aaaaaaah I am spinning and the light is spinning and I am confused!

"Graphene, is that you thumping around?" The words are coming from the lounge room and travelling through the door and down the stairs to me! Oh, no that's the boss! Should I hide?!?!

>Also, pick a dog.

>>741744
A nanodog of course!

No hide, tackle the boss to show appreciation.

>>741744
Hide.

Also Pug.

st bernard,\

Suggestion 2016/08/12(Fri)04:51 No. 741753 ID: 9e7153
File 147100269155.jpg - (131.87KB , 1024x726 , muensterlaender.jpg )

a muensterlaender

Clifford the big grey dog.

>I don't know what I should say!? Wouldn't there be three of me???
No, nevermind. All those things didn't happen, they were just ideas. There's only one of you. Good dog.

>I have a serial number!!!!!
Does liquid boss have the same serial number? What is your serial, anyways? (Or is your serial just 00000000000 or whatever due to being cold-reset).

>Also, pick a dog.
Shar Pei. Nano-wrinkles!

C O R G I

ST BERNARD

>>742410
this

Graphene 2016/08/15(Mon)03:02 No. 742422 ID: 908ead
File 147125536302.png - (11.24KB , 400x600 , who_is_this_guy.png )

>A nanodog of course!
I am a nanodog already? I don't understand?!

>ST BERNARD
Saint Bernard. A breed of very large working dog from the western Alps in Switzerland, Italy and France, originally bred at the Great and Little St Bernard Pass for rescue. The breed has become famous through tales of alpine rescues, as well as for its enormous size. OK!!

>>I don't know what I should say!? Wouldn't there be three of me???
>No, nevermind. All those things didn't happen, they were just ideas. There's only one of you. Good dog.
I will say that definitely didn't happen then!!! I am a good dog? HOORAY!

>Does liquid boss have the same serial number? What is your serial, anyways? (Or is your serial just 00000000000 or whatever due to being cold-reset).
It is 0x0002!!!!

>No hide, tackle the boss to show appreciation.
>Hide.
?

?!?

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

There's a click and suddenly light. I fall over. thump!

Solid Boss is at the top of the stairs. Oh nooo, he's found me! "Graphene... that is you, right?"

I wag my tail. "Woof, bark!"

He smiles but then he seems to concentrate and he frowns. "Didn't I tell you to go to your room?"

I can't let him find out about the secret mission!! What should I do, what should I say?!?!?

Undefined parameter: 'Your room'! The action could not be completed.
When he turns around to setParameter(YourRoom), enter CQC to retrieve [SECRET PRESENT]!

jump on him and cover his face in slobber with excessive licking.

>Didn't I tell you to go to your room?
Yes, you did! And that mission was completed already!

>>742422
Ask for clarification on being dogs. Series or parallel?

>>742422
Tackle him and lick him until he lets you do whatever you want to do!

Graphene 2016/08/17(Wed)03:00 No. 742858 ID: 908ead
File 147142804669.png - (13.96KB , 600x400 , it_has_to_be_this_way.png )

>Yes, you did! And that mission was completed already!
I wag my tail. "Hi Boss!! I did?!?!"

His frown wavers, I think a smile is trying to escape. "That means you should..." He sighs. "Come here Graphene."

When the big boss say to come I must go to him, so I think I should?!?!?!

>Undefined parameter: 'Your room'! The action could not be completed.
>When he turns around to setParameter(YourRoom), enter CQC to retrieve [SECRET PRESENT]!
>Jump on him and cover his face in slobber with excessive licking.
>Tackle him and lick him until he lets you do whatever you want to do!
Yes, yes! I wiggle and plant my feet and then I spring into action with the full power of 454 kilograms of nanomachines! I calculate this equals many dogs, woof, bark! I bound up the stairs and leap!!!!

Solid Boss flinches. "Graphene, wait!"

We hit the wall. Thump! We slide sideways and hit the floor?! Crack! I lick his face! He's not doing anything!

>Ask for clarification on being dogs. Series or parallel?
I ask him, but I think he's fallen asleep?!?! Sleeping is a thing humans do where they enter a state of dormancy for several hours and get angry if you wake them up!!! I check the boss's pants but I cannot find the [SECRET PRESENT]! Oh no!

Maybe him falling asleep is good?!?!? This means the mission is still a secret to everyone! Thank you!!!! I don't want to get the boss angry with me so I'll continue the mission somewhere else!!!!!

Change character!
>Son
>[default]
>Shopkeep

Son?
Son?!
SOOOOON!

Switch to [default]. They're the only other one at home.

>>742858
Son, gotta stop him from getting mad

Revert to [default].

>>742858
Son

I think [default]. I'm sure we're going to have to administer medical aid via nanotech bullshit.

[default]. Son is gonna be unconscious for a while, switching to him now will just waste part of the day on the timeskip. We can come back to him in a bit.

>>742858
Mmmh...
Son.
I want to witness the habbening first-hand.

>>742943
That's gonna be hard to do while unconscious.

1 vote for shopkeep coming right up

[default] 2016/08/18(Thu)06:30 No. 743060 ID: 908ead
File 147152705383.png - (17.29KB , 600x400 , working_hard.png )

>Switch to [default]. They're the only other one at home.
Beep boop, son. Beep boop.

Finding files is slow. So very slow. I swear that this computer must be forty years old. Before you say that I could probably do some of this work faster in my head with my overtechnology computer brain, this computer is mostly a dumb terminal. Poor performance is attributable to network and server issues. Maybe I should move most of my attention back to home in bed. I'm sure I could find something to work on there. Dohohohoho, that was designated 'a joke'. Jitters' paranoia about new staff and sacking of under-performers slightly incentivises productivity I suppose. Got to look better than some other guy. Come to think of it, Coffee Guy is dead so there should be an open spot.

Maybe I should have sent my clone in here instead. Then I would have had the day to myself to spend with the girlfriend. Hmmm, wait, no, she's working today too. If you don't work, you die. It is cruel, isn't it? I drum my fingers on the desk. Find that file already.

Footsteps. Toad better not be trying something again. I swivel on my seat to face this new incursion.

[default] 2016/08/18(Thu)06:31 No. 743061 ID: 908ead
File 147152710632.png - (11.99KB , 600x400 , never_seen_you_before_in_my_life.png )

"This is the new guy. Get him a desk and give him the tour around or whatever." Toad tells me. Before I can respond, she spins and stomps off. Curses. I would have to guess that Toad is planning to do something while I am away from my desk. Maybe I should foist the new guy off on someone else, or just find him a desk and let him fend for himself.

I take a good look at him and essay a lazy wave. "HiiI theRe." So this is the fresh meat huh. He's tall.

"Hey," he says. He pauses for a moment, brow creasing in thought. "Have we met? You sound familiar."

Wait one moment. I know that moustache! This is that waiter from the date where I pranked my clone. Why is he here? I do not know if it would be wise to dive off into conspiracy theories like my other self, maybe it is just a coincidence. I could take advantage of this for office politics even. I already know he has a loose moral code and is cheaply bought. Aaaaaaaah, my brain is feeling too dumb to think through this fast. Maybe I should have sent a larger segment of myself to work. Tell me what to do.

>>743061
I thought YOU were the waiter though, did you knock him out and disguise yourself as him?
Just say that it's racist to suggest all nano-augmented people look the same. But it's also possible he met one of your clones. Just don't imply you control them all, instead imply that they could have their own agency. Well, I mean the one clone of you does have agency, and the other clone of you has their own identity as the house dog so... In a weird way your not lying.

I just want to see how the guy reacts to casually referring to nano clones and shit, and see if he gets curious.

Ignore my first question, I remember you bribed the guy

>>743061
Send him to the closest desk so you don't have to leave your cubicle.

I agree, you could probably get away with 1 or 2 more current bodies' worth of additional nanogoo in your out-and-about form. You could increase your available processing power before going home.

Morph into a familiar face and give him a smile. Give him the tour, starting at Toad's desk then working your way up to more pleasant things, like the bathrooms and recycling bins.
Initiate automated sweep of the house for Illuminati plots with auxiliary bodies.

>"Have we met? You sound familiar."
Didn't you used to work at [location or name of restaurant]? I've been there before. (Don't be more specific than that).

>Get him a desk and give him the tour around or whatever.
Engage full on sass mode. Give him the real tour of this place, and introduce him to people one by one.

(And by real tour, I mean the explanation you gave us in monologue, not what is probably printed on your employee handbooks).

>If you don't work, you die. It is cruel, isn't it?
Man, really makes that "eat everything" option tempting sometimes. Oh well.

>>743061
Can you tell your home-self to check up on Son?

>>743225
And by 'check up' I mean 'graphene squashed him like a bug'

Check up on Son, follow Toad around and try to convince both coworkers that this is the 'tour.'

>>743061
Take over the office, starting with recruiting this guy and getting toad fired by framing her for low productivity.

Then, the world!

[default] 2016/08/29(Mon)03:36 No. 745134 ID: bfbff9
File 147246697702.png - (22.58KB , 600x400 , all_these_goos.png )

>>If you don't work, you die. It is cruel, isn't it?
>Man, really makes that "eat everything" option tempting sometimes. Oh well.
Well maybe I wouldn't die because I am an immortal nanomachine goo girl. Entropy is a harsh mistress though.

>Can you tell your home-self to check up on Son?
What? How likely is he to get killed in my own home?

>And by 'check up' I mean 'graphene squashed him like a bug'
I think I heard a scream a few hundred seconds ago, now that I think about it. Ugh, fine. I shall venture out of my cozy bed and into the slightly colder rest of the house. Maybe I can grab some snacks while I'm downstairs. I split one of my bodies into two small ones and one gets up, leaving the other mes on the bed.

>You could probably get away with 1 or 2 more current bodies' worth of additional nanogoo in your out-and-about form. You could increase your available processing power before going home.
I'd be about eight feet tall if I did that. Or much wider.

Speaking of the office, I think I may have been staring blankly for several seconds now. I snap my fingers, pretending I was lost in recollection.

>Didn't you used to work at [location or name of restaurant]? I've been there before. (Don't be more specific than that).
"You woOrk at that itaaAalian plaCe i-in the cIty, right?"

"Wait, you're that girl from the other night." The waiter/intern squints at me. He looks confused for a moment. "Weren't you wearing glasses?"

Um. Uh. Contacts, my remote cluster provides. Right. Duh. I tap beside an eye. "contActs toDay."

>Morph into a familiar face and give him a smile. Give him the tour, starting at Toad's desk then working your way up to more pleasant things, like the bathrooms and recycling bins.
My face is apparently already familiar so I efficiently do not change anything.

On the subject of getting changed, back at my house I slip on an oversized sweater and venture downstairs.

[default] 2016/08/29(Mon)03:38 No. 745135 ID: bfbff9
File 147246710118.png - (7.37KB , 600x400 , son_son_sooooooon.png )

>Check up on Son, follow Toad around and try to convince both co-workers that this is the 'tour.'
Oh, there he is. He is on the floor. He is opposite the door to the basement. He is unconscious. Where are his pants? No sign of dog.

Look at that wall. Looks potentially fatal if I had not toughened him up. Humans are so flimsy really. I suppose my clone's request for superpowers was farsighted. But his head is now harder than that wall and I did install something for basic first aid. He'll be fiiiiiine.

Maybe I should move him or something though.

At the office I start on following Toad. I should have done this sooner, she got a head start. Hopefully she's at her desk. I lie in bed and feed myself prompts to give to the new guy at the office. We walk along the office hallway as I tell him about abandoning hope all ye who enter here, how there's no names but he'll get a dumb nickname if he survives probation and whisper about the multitudinous horrors of the fax machine. He's pretty quiet so far, I think he's still deciding what to think about me.

[default] 2016/08/29(Mon)03:39 No. 745136 ID: bfbff9
File 147246716999.png - (2.38KB , 600x400 , plans_in_the_toilet.png )

>Take over the office, starting with recruiting this guy and getting toad fired by framing her for low productivity.
>Then, the world!
Hmmmmm.

Argh, Toad's outplayed me.

She's in the toilet. It's a risky move, since it's timed. I suspect that's the true purpose of the security cards - you need one to use the bathroom. I could wait her out, but it's dangerous to look idle in the corridor. I think Sniffles might be sick, I haven't heard him, so I can introduce the new guy to Jitters or IT, or try to get to Toad.

Also should I seriously embark on a policy of office conquest?

>>745136
Just smear your nanites against the card reader until it submits.

Also offer to enhance her knockers if she plays nice.

>>745136
Couldn't you just turn into liquid form and go UNDER the door?

>Also should I seriously embark on a policy of office conquest?
What kind of bitch-ass question is that? It's a competitive market out there, and you need dosh for a bigger house and more space heaters.

But yeah, see if you can't hack your way into the bathroom. And form an alliance with waiterman.

>>745136
Jam the bathroom door so she gets penalised for taking too long a break?

Seven feet is a surprisingly attainable height for human fleshbags.

Move Son onto the bed. Bap Graphene with a nano-newspaper.
At the office, interface with the bathroom door's card scanner to drive Toad's apparent unproductivity way up (By sabotaging the sensor that stops the timer, for instance). A microphone bug could slip its way under the door too.
Then move on to making introductions to IT.

As to a policy of office conquest, consider. Do you need to get paid more than you need to turn the collective resources of the office into a nanogoo nest that continues to crunch numbers, disguising itself as a still functioning (but oddly silvery and viscous) office?
Otherwise, just eat Toad. Mysterious disappearances of only coworkers you don't like isn't suspicious.

Enhancing knockers, along with other curvature, could increase mass without negative social effect.

Bring new guy to IT, tell IT to get him up to speed on all his details because hopefully that will take a little time, use that time to say you want to fetch something and will be right back. Go try to find security camera nexus and implant some sort of monitoring device/self for yourself, so that you will have your own panopticon of the office.

>What? How likely is he to get killed in my own home?
Hey, you remember how close you came to getting yourself killed in your own home playing with your birthday present? You don't have a very good track record.

>He looks confused for a moment. "Weren't you wearing glasses?"
You put all that effort into that disguise with skin tone and a different face, and all he noticed was the glasses. No wonder superman was so lazy with his disguise.

>Maybe I should move him or something though.
Dump him in the clone pile for yummy body heat. He'll probably find waking up in a pile of goo girls pleasant, too.

You know, assuming he isn't brain damaged.

>Also should I seriously embark on a policy of office conquest?
If you eat everyone, you have to do all the work. So no.

Much better to engage in establishing office superiority. Engage in petty one-upmanship and pranking.

>so I can introduce the new guy to Jitters or IT, or try to get to Toad.
IT. We haven't seen the vampire yet.

>>745152
>There are not any security cameras in here.
None she can see, anyway. Perhaps a ping of wireless systems would reveal their presence.

Enhance height only slightly and enhance knockers, then. Every little bit counts.

So far the day has been a success and you are still recognized as Son, so you can postpone office conquest a while longer. I guess. As well as postponing Toad's exit from the bathroom. ("Hm. It's locked. How odd.")
The final stop on the tour is IT, whom you shall appease with the offer of fresh blood!

>>745136
Jam the door then unjam it when you come back through the corridor. Then she can't steal your desk!

Bring the new guy to IT.

[default] 2016/10/02(Sun)04:06 No. 750726 ID: a886eb
File 147540638219.png - (7.59KB , 600x400 , hacking_ur_toilet.png )

>Couldn't you just turn into liquid form and go UNDER the door?
I thought I was still maintaining a flimsy pretence of being an ordinary human being. I know that people seem to be incredibly unobservant about my delicate condition for some reason that I don't know what it is, but that's probably a bridge too far.

>Seven feet is a surprisingly attainable height for human fleshbags.
Noooooot really? It's conspicuous. More conspicuous.

>Enhancing knockers, along with other curvature, could increase mass without negative social effect.
>Enhance height only slightly and enhance knockers, then. Every little bit counts.
Wow. That is really something. Do you actually believe that you can give me some flimsy pretext and I will say something to the effect of "Aye aye captain, magnifying mammaries"?

>Also offer to enhance her knockers if she plays nice.
This might come as a surprise to you but not all women want larger breasts.

>Just eat Toad. Mysterious disappearances of only co-workers you don't like isn't suspicious.
Why does everyone seem to think that I have no regard for human life? Even terrible human life. You'll hurt my feelings.

>>Office conquest, yay or nay?
>What kind of bitch-ass question is that? It's a competitive market out there, and you need dosh for a bigger house and more space heaters.
>As to a policy of office conquest, consider. Do you need to get paid more than you need to turn the collective resources of the office into a nanogoo nest that continues to crunch numbers, disguising itself as a still functioning (but oddly silvery and viscous) office?
I'm not sure what you're getting at here. I mean I could impersonate furniture if I really wanted to but that sounds like an incredibly boring thing to do day in, day out.

>If you eat everyone, you have to do all the work. So no.
You make a compelling argument.

>Much better to engage in establishing office superiority. Engage in petty one-upmanship and pranking.
>Just smear your nanites against the card reader until it submits.
>Jam the bathroom door so she gets penalised for taking too long a break?
Perfect. I mess with the card reader so it won't accept Toad, or anyone else's card. Like all card readers here it's designed to lock in case of an emergency.

"Hmm," I say to Moustache. "I was going to shOW you our needlessly comPlicated toilet break procedure but this one l-l-looks like it's out of ordEr and you don't have a CArd for the men's yet." We start walking away.

"Wasn't your friend in there?"

"Definitely o-o-oUt of order! I WOuldn't want to leave a fRIend trapped in theEere." I tell him. I try waggling my eyebrows to indicate Toad is no friend of mine.

"So your friends don't get trapped in toilets?" Moustache asks. I think he got the message.

>Form an alliance with waiterman.
"StraaAAngely enough, yEs! We're friends, riGht?"

He looks thoughtful. "Until I get a better offer, I suppose."

"M-m-merCENary of you!"

"Maybe someone else offers dental." he shrugging and struggling to hold back a shit eating grin. "I'd have to seriously consider it against a mandatory breaks plan."

I pat him on the back. "You'll do just fine here."

[default] 2016/10/02(Sun)04:11 No. 750728 ID: a886eb
File 147540667253.png - (12.21KB , 400x600 , its_it.png )

>Then move on to making introductions to IT.
As we walk there, I settle up a few things at home.

>Dump [your clone] in the clone pile for yummy body heat. He'll probably find waking up in a pile of goo girls pleasant, too.
It's just crazy enough to work.

>You know, assuming he isn't brain damaged.
I think he might have been already brain damaged, so no harm done.

>Hey, you remember how close you came to getting yourself killed in your own home playing with your birthday present? You don't have a very good track record.
N-no comment.

>Bap Graphene with a nano-newspaper.
Uuuugh, I just want to go back to bed. It's his dog, shouldn't he be the one to discipline it?

Now, back to office matters:

>Go try to find security camera nexus and implant some sort of monitoring device/self for yourself, so that you will have your own panopticon of the office.
There is no security camera nexus that I know of.

>None she can see, anyway. Perhaps a ping of wireless systems would reveal their presence.
I try to collect pings from the secret wireless security camera router that theoretically exists and don't find any.

>The final stop on the tour is IT, whom you shall appease with the offer of fresh blood!
She isn't literally a vampire. Even if the server room seriously reminds me of some sort of crypt or bomb shelter. The server room which IT inhabits has a very serious security door to stop data or maybe the air conditioning from escaping. IT likes her solitude. I suspect she has a way around the company filters and surfs the internet in here.

There's a complicated process for getting access that I bypass by the high-tech social engineered hacking technique of knocking.

A minute or two and bits on the lock spin and the door creaks open. From the monitor light haunted darkness, IT looks at me hungrily.

"You're the fresh..." she pauses, "... meat huh?"

I shuffle my waiter companion my way to bring him into view. "No thiS is."

"Oh, right. Hi new guy. And you're whatsherface, right?" she says, looking at me again.

"BasHFul." I provide.

She looks shocked. "That idiot?"

I blink, that's odd. "L-l-look, just maKE up a new ID card fOOooR this guy aNd put him in the sYstem, OK?"

The door cracks a little wider. "Both of you come in then."

I've only been in there once or twice before. Something's fishy about this whole business.

>>750728
You should ask when the last time she saw the outside of the office was, or even when the last time she saw the inside of a shower was. Purely out of concern of course.



You should also offer to enhance her knockers. If she spends all of her time in a dark private room like that, she might find a use for bigger funbags.

You won't find the limits of this flimsy yet effective disguise without enhancing them- I mean, pushing them! (Up.) Anyway, she's letting you bring backup. Backup which can be bought away on a whim, of course. But you don't really suspect him of Illuminati ties, do you? Enter, and cling tightly to someone or something warm.

IT seems to be smarter than normal, so maybe she knows something's different about you? Or she sees through your extremely terrible disguise and knows that you're not a guy anymore?

But, you could probably infiltrate the office's computer system while you're in there, as long as you're subtle about it. Maybe even erase the last traces of Coffeeguy's existence from the servers? That'll let you get his home address and then you can go there and erase even more traces of his existence. And while you're there, you can look through his stuff to see if he has anything useful, like extra money or something like that.

>I know that people seem to be incredibly unobservant about my delicate condition for some reason
Look up change blindness sometime. There's a whole field of research about how unobservant people can be!

>Do you actually believe that you can give me some flimsy pretext and I will say something to the effect of "Aye aye captain, magnifying mammaries"?
You probably would if it was Shopkeep asking.

>Something's fishy about this whole business.
>She looks shocked.
>"You're the fresh..." she pauses, "... meat huh?"
>looks at me hungrily
She thought you were the new person. She did a wordplay implying she recognizes you're not made of meet. She didn't recognize you as Bashful.

Congratulations, you've met the first person here who's not enough of an idiot to know what you are.

And she's the computer expert. And she's giving you hungry looks. And she's inviting you into her cold, air conditioned office, with a high tech door you might not be able to get back out of fast, and full of god knows what geeky vampire tech!

Red fucking alert. She knows what you are, and she's inviting you into a trap to do vampire science to you. You do not want to get hacked, thanks.

Make an excuse and stand at the entrance, leaning against the door frame. If the door starts to close, jump backwards and leave new guy to his fate.

>>750728
Alert alert your cover is compromised! Tell her you're not going in there without a space heater. It's too cold.

Look, just wear a basketball team number and no one will look (up) at you twice. It can even be a made up team, like the Silicon Valley Servers.

[default] 2016/10/03(Mon)04:44 No. 750912 ID: a886eb
File 147549509393.png - (8.47KB , 600x400 , eye_see_it.png )

>She thought you were the new person. She did a wordplay implying she recognizes you're not made of meet. She didn't recognize you as Bashful.
>Congratulations, you've met the first person here who's not enough of an idiot to know what you are.
>And she's the computer expert. And she's giving you hungry looks. And she's inviting you into her cold, air conditioned office, with a high tech door you might not be able to get back out of fast, and full of god knows what geeky vampire tech!
>Red fucking alert. She knows what you are, and she's inviting you into a trap to do vampire science to you. You do not want to get hacked, thanks.
Time to chicken out again then. Formulating excuse, response from remote cluster... now.

"I've got a piLE of other stuf to g-g-Get sooOorted." Seriously? That's the best I could come up with? Maybe I'm taking this lazy thing too far.

IT tilts her head fractionally at this response. "OK." she says.

That was easy. Sorry Moustache, but it is better that you become the vampire's victim than I. He goes in and IT shuts the door after him, staring at me as she does. That, at least, is normal for her.

>Backup which can be bought away on a whim, of course.
He better not turn into some kind of vampire thrall, especially since I put a token effort into bribing him. Oh well, now I'm free to do whatever.

>But, you could probably infiltrate the office's computer system while you're in there, as long as you're subtle about it. Maybe even erase the last traces of Coffeeguy's existence from the servers?
Why do you think being made out of robots makes me good at IT stuff? I wasn't a doctor when I was made out of meat either. I'd good with hardware now because everything I do involves figuring out what micro and macro-scale physical structures I need but my understanding of software is rudimentary, giant computer brain notwithstanding. I could try to steal someone's administrator login I guess?

>You won't find the limits of this flimsy yet effective disguise without enhancing them- I mean, pushing them! (Up.)
>You probably would if it was Shopkeep asking.
>Look, just wear a basketball team number and no one will look (up) at you twice. It can even be a made up team, like the Silicon Valley Servers.
Fine, fiiiiiiine. Maybe I should play it safe, test the limits of change-blindness and improve my on-site thinking speed in case paranoid conspiracies aren't an elaborate prank on my part this time. This body currently masses a little over two hundred kilograms (I'm dense) and so I can absorb well over one hundred kilograms of additional material to increase my height and other measurements to something ostensibly in the realm of humanly possible. The tricky bit is finding something reasonably energy dense that won't be missed.

>>750912
Staplers. Everyone wants one, everyone expects them to go missing. But nobody'll expect them to go missing because someone ate them.

Enhanced clothed nanoknockers would be a great distraction from your nanoface.

Empty the recycle bin! Shredders, obsolete hardware, you name it. Offices shed office supplies like skin flakes.

Er, try not to think of it like eating skin flakes though.

>Why do you think being made out of robots makes me good at IT stuff?
Well, I guess we figured it would be easier to talk to machines now. Maybe you could analyze the USB slots on the next computer you eat and come up with a basic file browser for your head?

Hey, I'm serious about the Coffeeguy thing! He's not using his house anymore, right? It would be a shame to leave all of his valuables there, when you could use them instead. And he might actually have money lying around his house, money that you could really use, riiiiiiight?

>Test the limits of change-blindness
You could try making yourself look a little chubbier, to avoid making yourself too tall.

>>750912
I object to the plan of eating office stuff. IT knows what you are, most likely, so if you start eating shit she could figure it out and blackmail you or something.

>>750927
What, she's gonna blackmail you for making shredded paper disappear? You think anyone's going to miss that keyboard with the broken pins? I'm not saying to swipe stuff off people's desks, I'm saying to find the office's outgoing surplus and... redirect it.

>>750934
Oops, I can't delete that anymore but I did not realize that wasn't directly addressed to me. Sorry.

>Sorry Moustache, but it is better that you become the vampire's victim than I.
He's mercenary, remember? Odds are she'll try to recruit him against you, since you wouldn't walk into her air conditioned box trap. He may well be the vampire's thrall when next you meet!

>erase coffee guy from the servers?
An skilled hack attempt to try and make records disappear will just raise more red flags if and when anyone who cares checks. Someone disappearing? Suspicious. Evidence someone made an effort to cover it up? That's proof of foul play.

There's no way you could wipe every electronic record of his existence with your current capabilities anyways. Best you can do is the company, which is actually worse than nothing because it points to a coverup.

>The tricky bit is finding something reasonably energy dense that won't be missed.
You already have a lot of mass. You could just have another you catch a later bus for backup, and find a place to hang out. If you need backup, or to merge together into a giant, she'll be around.

[default] 2016/10/04(Tue)20:47 No. 751301 ID: 37f049
File 147563922495.png - (8.55KB , 600x400 , food_staples.png )

>Staplers. Everyone wants one, everyone expects them to go missing. But nobody'll expect them to go missing because someone ate them.
Wow, what an idea. All I have to do is find one tenth of a ton of a rare and coveted type of office supply. How hard could it possibly be?

>Empty the recycle bin! Shredders, obsolete hardware, you name it. Offices shed office supplies like skin flakes.
Between stealing three staplers on the way to the resource room, emptying out the shredder bin and taking a ratty old keyboard that's lost some keys, I manage to consume seven and a half kilos of material. I rinse it down with a box of staples. How mediocre. I guess I should try to find something else.

I meant my findings were mediocre, not the staples. The staples tasted OK.

>You could try making yourself look a little chubbier, to avoid making yourself too tall.
No fear of that so far.

>Enhanced clothed nanoknockers would be a great distraction from your nanoface.
You never quit, do you? I'm sure my girlfriend would love you.

>I object to the plan of eating office stuff. IT knows what you are, most likely, so if you start eating shit she could figure it out and blackmail you or something.
How exactly is that going to work? I have eaten the evidence.

>[Moustache]'s mercenary, remember? Odds are she'll try to recruit him against you, since you wouldn't walk into her air conditioned box trap. He may well be the vampire's thrall when next you meet!
Ugh. I'll keep an eye on Moustache next time I see him then. In case of some sort of information technology plot.

>Well, I guess we figured it would be easier to talk to machines now. Maybe you could analyse the USB slots on the next computer you eat and come up with a basic file browser for your head?
Oh, I can do that. But it doesn't magically give me a user account.

>Hey, I'm serious about the Coffeeguy thing! He's not using his house anymore, right? It would be a shame to leave all of his valuables there, when you could use them instead. And he might actually have money lying around his house, money that you could really use, riiiiiiight?
I don't know where he lives. When I ate his wallet I didn't bother looking at his license.

>You already have a lot of mass. You could just have another you catch a later bus for backup, and find a place to hang out. If you need backup, or to merge together into a giant, she'll be around.
Maybe I should just do this? It'll take about three quarters of an hour to get here and meet up.

Hmm, I can hear distant thumping. I think Toad's trying to come out of the water closet. Maybe I should do something about that too. I should probably actually do my job at some point today too.

>>751301
Let her out and get back to your desk now that you're not showing the new guy around (I guess IT took over for you?)

Why are you even eating this stuff, anyway? Do you need more mass for something?

>Maybe I should do something about that too. I should probably actually do my job at some point today too.
Hmmmm. Free Toad or do work? Free Toad.....do work.....?

Meh, leave her in there and go to work. Just ignore those sounds and let someone else handle it. If someone asks, "What's that sound?" you can acknowledge the existence of the sound by saying, "I don't know. It sounds like someone having sex somewhere."

Well, the mass you're seeking probably won't be found in the office then. Rouse one of your lazy bums to meet you for coffee. (Too bad you don't actually get breaks, or we could go looking for a big score.) Get some work done first, then go check on Toad to see why she hasn't gotten any work done.

You're stress eating. You don't even need that mass, but IT made you nervous, and now you're snacking on junk.

>I think Toad's trying to come out of the water closet. Maybe I should do something about that too
The advantage of letting her out is getting to see her face, a perfect excuse to make fun of her, an the opportunity to play coy.

Maybe let her stew a little. But not long, lest someone else gets to do it.

>Maybe I should just do this? It'll take about three quarters of an hour to get here and meet up.
Might as well.

Does your office have a printer? Have you ever wondered why, since everything you do is in digital format? Well now you know why: for your conversion convenience.

>>751345
How about no? Something that big suddenly disappearing will be noticed very easily. And that's a lot of mass to add on, someone will definitely notice [default]'s sudden growth spurt!

>>751349
...That's. the point.

[default] 2016/10/05(Wed)04:06 No. 751404 ID: 37f049
File 147566557221.png - (8.99KB , 600x400 , the_dog_is_inside_the_building.png )

>Why are you even eating this stuff, anyway? Do you need more mass for something?
Because it's hard to split my processing power between bodies and I'm kind of slow both physically and mentally when relying on just this body. I can offload planning to my remote bodies but that's no good in an emergency! Also if I'm using them less, I can really work on my girlfriend imitation like she asked. I'm missing her already.

>Well, the mass you're seeking probably won't be found in the office then. Rouse one of your lazy bums to meet you for coffee.
Back at the house, I yawn and I get one of my small bodies to sit up. It's almost a shame to leave my cosy sanctuary. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and spot a paw.

"GrapheEene, is tHAt you?" It better not be some other nanomachine dog infiltrating my house.

The bed thumps. I hear swishing on the carpet; she's wagging her tail. "I am being under the bed!!!! Are you going for a walk?!?!!?"

"No. No walks. I'm going into work to join up with my other body."

"What??!!?"

"I caN be in t-two placES at once, GraphEne." I say. Blank confusion radiates through the mattress. "Because I hAve multip-ple bodIEs."

"Oh nooooooo?!?!?"

Even the dog's being weird today. I sigh, which is purely an affectation as you know. "JuST... just b-b-be a goOd dog, OK?"

"I'll make the big boss happy!!!!!"

Good enough. I go to the closet to get dressed. It's a smaller body so better be extra insulated just to be safe. That blizzard better not materialise this afternoon.

[default] 2016/10/05(Wed)04:07 No. 751405 ID: 37f049
File 147566563873.png - (12.19KB , 400x600 , this_guy_again.png )

>Meh, leave her in there and go to work. Just ignore those sounds and let someone else handle it. If someone asks, "What's that sound?" you can acknowledge the existence of the sound by saying, "I don't know. It sounds like someone having sex somewhere."
Yeah, screw her!

>Does your office have a printer? Have you ever wondered why, since everything you do is in digital format? Well now you know why: for your conversion convenience.
I hate that thing. It's always jamming and mangling things. It's an abomination. I know I have that body coming now but maybe I should eat it anyway. I bet it's full of screws. That'd be perfect. I'll just open the maintenance panel to check.

>How about no? Something that big suddenly disappearing will be noticed very easily. And that's a lot of mass to add on, someone will definitely notice [default]'s sudden growth spurt!
That was the point. I was going to see if anyone notices it seeing they already haven't noticed my other changes.

>You're stress eating. You don't even need that mass, but IT made you nervous, and now you're snacking on junk.
I am not stressed!

"Hey, what're you doing?"

I slam down the printer panel closed again. "S-s-stUPid thInG's beEeeiNg stUPid!!" So very articulate, good going me.

Jitters pauses. "You OK?"

I'm in uncharted territory. This is something new and terrifying. "I'm fiIIiiNe!"

Jitters sips his coffee. "Well Toad's gotten herself trapped in the bathroom somehow. You mind giving a hand getting her out?"