Nobody 2016/02/08(Mon)08:24 No. 700066 ID: 0a1420
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When you were but a young bearcub, your parents were torn away from you by an insane madbear. He left a pair of horrible reminders of his sick, twisted depravity on you and dumped you off at this orphanage, leaving only the vaguest memory of a life you never were to live and the promise of a dark, difficult childhood to come.

For your entire life you have been raised with three square meals a day, adequate social and leisure time, and the hope of something better. Somewhere where you would not be grounded for ripping the face off irritating Suzie from the village, somewhere where the nuns wouldn't scold you when you mauled Billy on the bottom bunk for waking you up so early all the damn time. Somewhere where life isn't a living hell.

Five years stuck in this desolate armpit, but finally your phasing has matured. You're ready to leave and start your life anew, in search of your ultimate goal.

You are a phasebear, and your parents are DEAD. As a phasebear, you may do what all phasebears may do, which includes:

*Wander Aimlessly
*Growl and roar
*Maul and kill
*Look for lady phasebears
*Jump through time and space
*Forage for berries

Also, you feel as if your desire for revenge and keen detective mind will allow you to do anything if given enough preptime. Of course, the phasebear's god-like natural abilities already give all phasebears the ability to do essentially anything they want, but you feel you are special in your affinity for the night.

You have an objective. Find the bear who did this to you, and make him pay. Unfortunately your target is also a phasebear, meaning he could be at literally any given point in time and space across the boundless multiverses. Your task is pretty much impossible, and frankly, it'd be easier to wander around a bit and perhaps find a female phasebear who has reached sexual maturity to mate with.

Where in the endless reaches of time and multidimensional space will you look first?

Phase to phasebear spring break. Let's find a female (who's totally not your mother and going to result in accidentally becoming your own father).

We must seek out a young phasebear to take under our tutelage and make him our sidekick. One whose past is as dark and scarred as our own. Our past self is really the only logical option.

We have to phase to the local farmers market. There will be berries to eat and faces to maul.

Build your base

Attain allies, workers, and informants

Conquer London

Start off by placing a marker here. You'll want to come back later when you have an army or a team of operatives.

>>700080
wholeheartedly agreed. but also let's find him at phasebear spring break so that we know he's capable of having a good time, too

Can't you just meet a younger phasebear and give them a set of time-space coordinates to visit when they're older?

Nobody 2016/02/10(Wed)07:00 No. 700701 ID: 0a1420
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Marker placed.

When you come back to this foul orphanage, it will be with a team of operatives behind you, ready to wipe this scourge from the face of the earth and build upon its ruins a- say, an 'extended bear family', if you will. A family with which you will conquer London, because... actually, you haven't thought that far ahead yet, but you're sure you'll think of a reason.

Nobody 2016/02/10(Wed)07:00 No. 700702 ID: 0a1420
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However, first you must build your menagerie. You phase to phasebear spring break to find a younger version of yourself at phasebear spring break to take under your tutelage. Unfortunately, immediately after arriving, you are accosted by another phasebear who has stolen your handsome good looks and stylish cape and attempts to coerce you into joining his London-based bear family.

The very idea is ridiculous. You are the born leader, not this upstart nobody. And besides, the sidekick never gets any of the recognition. The very idea of accepting the secondary role infuriates you. You attempt to calm yourself and explain your perfect logic to the other bear, but for some unfathomable reason he gets angry at your insinuation that he should join your London-based bear family.

The other bears are staring.

Show that 8!+(# who's boss!

Street Fighter, or Wrestling?

Phase back to spring break slightly earlier than your first trip so that you get there before he does.

Rally support from the other phasebears. Show this joker who's the better leader.

There is obviously only one way to resolve this.
Both of you phase to some nice arena somewhere and fight to the death in gladiatorial combat.

You will prove your superiority with a contest. A phase bear lady as been accosted and her bathing suit has been partially removed. Both of you will maul the assailant and whoever produces the best mauling as decided by the lady bear will receive not only her gratitude, but also the coveted position of not-a-sidekick.

Nobody 2016/02/15(Mon)13:34 No. 702138 ID: 0a1420
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It has been decided. A three way battle to the death between you, the upstart, and the rude and piggish assailant bear, in ancient roman gladiatorial combat. The winner shall claim the fair bear maiden as their exclusive partner and prize.

Unfortunately, you are having difficulty convincing her and her assailant to take part in this honorable duel. You and the upstart try to convince the lady of the magnitude of this chivalrous gesture, but she simply doesn't seem interested. This is infuriating to you. You just want to show her what a strong and chivalrous shining knight protector you could be. And then fuck her. Why doesn't she understand?

Her lack of comprehension of your chivalry (chivalries?) is an insult to your chivalry/ies. RIP AND TEARRR

She is obviously no maiden, you must search out a new female!

>>702138
While the upstart is distracted, trying to convince them, surprise attack him to the death.

Because you REEK of tyranny and no matter how many jewels and how many badass children you give her, none of that matters if your sadistic killing spree attracts bear-ass assassins that will murder her in context of a ruined home with a grinded family.

In short, you look like the kind of guy that will get her killed painfully and humiliatingly, if not by your own hand.

Go find some suicidal tart instead.

And duel your rival, don't let the third bear take sides in this fight!

>>702138
Honestly, phase-bear spring break is not the best time for phase-bear family planning. Go pick berries. Get there first so that your jackass phase-clone can't steal all the best berries.

Nobody 2016/02/22(Mon)12:04 No. 704509 ID: 0a1420
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The smartest option would be to simply phase away from this, and focus on something more productive, like getting a head start on gathering berries for the winter. A bear with a level head is a bear that gets ahead.

However, the upstart turns his back as he lunges for the assailant, and an opportunity like that cannot be missed. You surprise attack him from behind, tackling him into the water, intending to lunge tackle the assailant yourself after the usurper is dead.

Guessing at your plan, the usurper's near future self phases back to help him and tackle the assailant before you get a chance. The maiden, (easily confused as fair ladies tend to be and lashing out at her own rescuer,) calls for reinforcement from herself to pry the usurper off, while the assailant pulls in his own double. Your future self comes to help deal with the second assailant before he can cause undue trouble or stop you from killing the usurpers and assailants to take the maiden for yourself.

Nobody 2016/02/22(Mon)12:04 No. 704510 ID: 0a1420
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This is getting out of hand.

Continue to escalate this. You will surely win because you are right, and anyone who disagrees is either stupid or evil.

Continue adding mass until you form a bear-singularity.

It's Katamari time. Roll over the beach and pick up every bear in sight.

i know! phase your multi-selves together into an ultra phase-bear!

Nobody 2016/03/14(Mon)12:55 No. 709213 ID: ddeaa0
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMH49ieL4es[/i]

Nobody 2016/03/14(Mon)12:56 No. 709217 ID: ddeaa0
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Well, you've gone and Katamari'd the whole damn planet. Should've put a time limit on it. Oh well. The bear ball is constantly expanding as the bears send duplicates of themselves to pry themselves from the growing mass, who then get trapped in the ball as well and send more duplicates. Given the growth isn't stopping any time soon, the bears will likely fill every inch of this universe at some point or another.

But the important thing is the imposter and usurper are well and truly stuck, and you aren't, because this is your quest and not theirs.

Well, you failed to collect an adequate bear-team from bear spring break, but there's no time for bear angst. You must continue and soldier on.

>>709217
quick, escape to another timeline where the bearularity isn't imminent!

then go back in time to see the bear murderer who killed your parents, but don't apprehend him until he's already killed them or else you'll cease to exist!

Forget this, you need soldiers who are already experienced. Teleport into the trenches of BEAR WAR II to find some.

>>709217
Screw this fighting for mates for eternity in an every expanding infinite mass nonsense. Teleport to the alternate universe of bear-Vegas, and get yourself a classy bear-prostitute. No more blue bear-balls for you!

Nobody 2016/03/21(Mon)13:00 No. 710790 ID: ddeaa0
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Yes. What you need are trained killers. Remorseless mercenaries who have already been chewed out in the merciless field of war, not directionless bearsluts and frat bears. Someone who has already weathered the psychological trauma of cold blooded murder, someone can be relied on to hunt down the bear who ruined your life and execute extreme prejudice.

As it so happens, this side dimension is currently undergoing Bear War 2. You don't even need to travel back in time. How convenient! There will be plenty of war heroes in the making here, but where do you find the right ones for your just cause?

At Candy Mountain, Chaaaarlie!

>>710790
The small world exhibit, clearly. There you will the most deeply damaged and mentally scarred bears- perfect for molding into your merciless and loyal special forces.

Nobody 2016/04/12(Tue)13:44 No. 716033 ID: ddeaa0
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You head for the closest mountain made of candy, as it seems like the smart thing to do at the time. And so it is. You've gotten your first good look at the vile enemy forces.

Hm. Actually, these bears seem rather outmatched, don't they? They're certainly not doing a lot of damage. On the other hand, the horrors of their situation have probably grizzled them beyond your wildest dreams... It'd be difficult to know for sure though, since they don't seem to speak bear. They only appear to make high pitched squeals and squeaks. That might pose a language bearrier.

You have options to consider. You could scoop up a handful of the little runts and take them back to your base anyway. You could try to make contact with the stronger, but less bearish enemy. You could get bored and wander off to do something else instead, that's always a popular option for phasebears. Or perhaps some better new idea will pop up in your bear brain, who knows.

>>716033
Magic up some kind of buff for your lesser cousins and then watch and laugh as the tide of the battle turns against the non-bears.

Take the half-formed green non-bear back to your base.

That giant hand is spawning more Unicorns! Follow the hand and attempt to steal their cloning technology!

The unicorns will follow you if you raise them from birth.

Nobody 2016/04/18(Mon)13:56 No. 717627 ID: ddeaa0
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You could certainly give the smaller bears the buff of a few hundred thousand copies of yourself to utterly demolish the non-bear menace, or try to pry the secrets of cloning from the large hand's strange instrument. But stealing the half-formed non-bear is much easier so that wins out by default.

You grab the green thing and drag it back to your markered dimension.

It looks like it is having some difficulty adjusting to this new reality. Maybe this could be used to your advantage- possibly the unceasing screams can be trained into some sort of sonic weapon? Or it could be used as a guard dog or alarm clock?

Whatever the case, one spasming screaming half non-bear isn't going to win you any battles by itself. You must build the army further.

I don't think your new minion is healthy. You should find the little guy some cybernetic augmentations for his lower torso.

And missing vital organs.

Also, since when are you a girl?

>>717640
Since the OP.

Gather up the fallen bears from that plane and sew them together into a huge Berenstein. Or is that Berenstain?

>>717627
Devour the unicorn and gain it's power. or glue it's horn to your skull. Either way.

...wait, how did I not notice the bear boobs your parent's murderer cursed you with earlier.

Nobody 2016/04/25(Mon)13:41 No. 719063 ID: ddeaa0
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Your bountiful bear breasts are indeed the curse put upon you by your parent's murderer, but they do not make you a woman. At least, that's what the nuns at the orphanage have told you. What's the point of having them if you cannot even get into the girls dorm to see more? They are truly the worst burden a bear boy could bear.


You get the sudden inspiration to glue the unicorn horn to your skull.

Nobody 2016/04/25(Mon)13:42 No. 719064 ID: ddeaa0
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Perhaps the last dimension was not such a bust after all. You decide to go back and try and make a giant berenstEIn from the remains of the small bears you saw. Unfortunately, you never dropped a marker. This seems to be about the right dimension, though. There's a park, a large screen. Bears in different sizes to yourself, a war going on.

It's in the ballpark, at least.

Where'd they get all these cool robot limbs? Find their origin so you can get a pair yourself. Even better, send a copy of yourself to get them! That way we can DIVERSIFY.

>>719064
Hey, bear-borgs! Those might make good soldiers.

Make those three minions swear loyalty to you in exchange for a ticket out of this hellhole.

Grab the giant snakebear to your left and get going.

Also, please place a marker that links to your T.A.G.s (Tangental Alternation Grenades); throw your enemies here.

Nobody 2016/05/16(Mon)13:29 No. 723771 ID: e0d257
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You decide to temporally split yourself in order to locate the source of the cyborgification, and to attempt to recruit the snakebear nearby.


The cyborgification plant is simple to find- all you had to do was follow the screaming. There seems to be a lot of it, even if it doesn't seem to do much to aid the cyborgification process. Unfortunately, there may be a slight size barrier impeding the acquirement of your own robot limbs. It would be difficult for those tools to do any meaningful delicate work on you, considering that they are many many times larger than your entire body. You run into a similar problem recruiting the snakebear; it barely seems to notice your presence at all, and refuses to listen to your convincing bearspeech on why it should join your cause.

Perhaps you should sue this suck-ass dimension for discrimination.

You're right. Place marker for future litigation, then find a dimension of lawyer lizards.

Why is it you NEVER go for the unit blueprints factories or construction units? Are you retarded? You need an army, you can't just hire titans off the bat when they can just EXPLODE you!

Find any survivors. Place a marker. Leave. This is where you throw your enemies now.

Nobody 2016/05/30(Mon)13:11 No. 726810 ID: e0d257
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Are you retarded? An interesting query. You are a bear, with limited mental faculties as compared to, say, a human. Although you may well be smart for a phasebear, by the standards of humans you would probably be considered fairly mentally compromised. In hindsight that might explain a lot of your behaviour, both past and future. But that rumination aside; Rude!

You place down another marker while you wrangle up one of the bedraggled survivors of this nightmare realm, to take back to your home dimension.

... That went well.

BEGIN THE FIRST RAID. Your minion has an advantage against London's paltry anti-titan defenses. If you retreat, those defenses WILL be stronger next time. Choose between these three targets:
10 Downing Street
Palace of Westminister
BUCKINGHAM PALACE

... Yeah, I recommend you squish the queen and kidnap the crown princess. It'll earn you high quality Underground Reputation.

Attack of The... sixty, seventy, eighty... screw it, the Over-100 Foot Woman! Begin your one-woman assault on London and Victorian values of modesty!

Ok that's good progress, Destruction can begin with her!

Inventory check, we've used White and Green, What color markers do we have left?