Yleru 2016/01/27(Wed)19:07 No. 697671 ID: 265534
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I'm hungry for food. I'm gonna eat a thing, then I won't be.

Yleru 2016/01/27(Wed)19:08 No. 697672 ID: 265534
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Well, shit. There's nothing left. This is bullshit of the highest order. I'm going to have to... Get groceries.

Is there a local grocery store?

>>697672
Right then! Who are we robbing?

CAN YOU HUNT? BECAUSE GROCERY STORE CRAP IS FULL OF NASTY SHIT AND IT IS BETTER TO GET THINGS WITHOUT CHEMICALS ADDED TO THEM.

You'll need a weapon that deals minimum elemental damage and maximum armor PAIN.

But bring a few sticks of TNT, mobs get agitated when you kill without any sense of order; makes them think they're next.

go steal from those pansy elves

The hunt is on.

Why not mooch off a meal from someone, you titmonster?

Who can you seduce lead on into finding groceries for you?

Pour water in your fire, then you will have firewater. Get drunk!

>>697672
Raid nearest human settlement.

know of anywhere nearby that is isolated and has some good things to swipe?

Yleru 2016/01/28(Thu)03:48 No. 697781 ID: 265534
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>Who can you seduce lead on into finding groceries for you?

"Girzik, give me food."

"Bitch, you can suck my dick!"

"Deal."

"I'm not giving you any food."

"DEAL'S OFF."

Time for Plan B, I guess.


>Human Settlements

Yeah, there's something around here somewhere. Stealing shit is probably the least effort of all the efforts.

>>697781
well might as well head there then, also burn Girzik's home down for being a dick when you have some free time.

Well, if you're going to start stealing shit, you need a plan.

Are you going to raid? If so, you'll need some buddies, some weapons, and a nice juicy target, like an isolated farm.

Are you going to be a sneaky shit? Then you'll want some tools, like some rope, a sack to carry stuff in, and again a nice juicy target.

Are you going to be a con artist? You'll need a mark, like some lonely (preferably handsome) traveler or shepherd who you can trip onto some soft grass and tire out before running away with his food.

In any case, it's probably best to not go for the human settlements that are right next door to you, since they're more likely to be on their guard and to try and retaliate. If I were you, I'd go hunting for someone to target with the con artist approach, then use that food supply to go further afield and get sneaky.

Technically dick sucking would provide you with a small amount of food.

Still, looks like you need to move on, find a mark with better prospects.

take food from small humans. they will be too scared to fight back.

head for the humans. If they wanted their food they would have eaten it already.

Yleru 2016/01/29(Fri)03:56 No. 698026 ID: 265534
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>it's probably best to not go for the human settlements that are right next door to you

Yeah, well... They're right next door, so that makes them the best to go for. Why would one village be different than another just because they get raided by goblins almost every day?

>take food from small humans

Even small humans are the size of a full grown person. They're not very dangerous, though. You can push them over with your hands.

>If they wanted their food they would have eaten it already.

Anything I find is clearly abandoned. I can just take it with no repercussions.


Posting guards is kind of a dick move, humans. I wonder how I should go about this.

>Why would one village be different than another just because they get raided by goblins almost every day?

Because then they post guards, like the ones you just complained about, dummy! If you'd gone to one that didn't get raided all the time there'd be less guards.

And I thought goblins were supposed to be clever.

Go find a place you can climb over the walls with a tree or something, this gate or door or whatever will be watched.

>>698026
Offer to blow the guard. It'll solve a problem eventually. It has to!

wait for them to stop looking in your direction and sneak in.

>>698026
Arent there any farms around? They definitely have food and they are most likely not gaurded.

Seduce a human into getting you groceries.

find a rock, wait for the guard to look somewhere that is at you and then throw the rock at one of the windows above his head. While he's looking for whatever broke the window you can sneak into the village.

>>698026
Steal the spear so he's helpless!

Yleru 2016/01/30(Sat)05:55 No. 698239 ID: 265534
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>distract guard with thrown rock
>seduce guard

Due to some cultural misunderstanding about what seduction means (and bad aim), Yleru strikes the guard right in the back of the head.
Blunt trauma to the head that renders the victim unconscious is the ultimate form of seduction.

good arm kid, now find some house that looks good to rob and try not to be seen

>>698239
If that was seduction, why aren't you getting any action right now? Jerk wasn't seduced!

Steal any coin or anything valuable he has on his person for his failure to pleasure you.

I think that's only the first half of the "seduction" you're thinking of.
Now, you have to drag him down an alley somewhere out of sight.

Yleru 2016/01/30(Sat)13:25 No. 698304 ID: 265534
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>you have to drag him down an alley somewhere out of sight.

Too late. There's all kinds of attention on the knocked out guy, but as an upside, there's very little attention anywhere else.

This was intentional.

Good. That means you can just walk by, completely, totally, one hundred percent unnoticed. Completely incognito.
Until someone hears your stomach growling.

sneak in, get into a house, steal their food.

of course you meant to do that, with everyone worrying about the guard nobody will have to worry about you taking all there food. Now get to it, you can only look at someone who's just got there ass handed to them before it becomes boring and I would like to be out of her before then.

Sure it was.

Now go find a mark! Stealthily!

>>698304
Cool. Go find some food or something you can sell / trade for food to steal while all the idiots are distracted.

>>698304
Excellent. Now go seduce some food.