>>668376
Or maybe everything is a hallucination and she's already in that insane asylum. But we're getting ahead of ourselves, we haven't reached the "you aren't paranoid if they really are out to get you" point... yet.

>>668319

Actually, this sounds like a really good idea. Us knowing Sam might be the better route here to begin with.

>>668369
Cause Sam is a dick.

A malfunctioning brain imagining or externalizing a tormentor or aggressor of some kind is relatively common. Lots of mental issues could be considered as perception or exaggeration of a false threat, if we simply them. Brains evolved to look for patterns and threats in the world around them.

A malfunctioning brain imagining or externalizing a victim to attack is rather less common.

>>668384
So, Sam, how does it feel knowing that you aren't real?

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)17:09 No. 668418 ID: 3bc92d
File 144175737296.png - (412.37KB , 1200x800 , mamp10.png )

>How do you know sam isn't the real one and you aren't the hallucination?
>Or maybe Sam is real, and the therapist is a hallucination.
>Or maybe everything is a hallucination and she's already in that insane asylum.

“No! Stop it!”

“Ooh, yeah, I’m the one who’s real! You’re my hallucination, Prune. I wish you were more entertaining. Go on, take off your clothes or something.”

>So, Sam, how does it feel knowing that you aren't real?

“I wouldn’t know. I’d have to ask you. How does it feel?”

>You mean you have a reliable Sam off switch?

Well… I only use the headset when I want to listen to music. I listen to it as loud as I can, so I can’t hear anything else. I thought that was what you were talking about.

I don’t mind too much if other people around here think I look crazy. I mean, this is a mental hospital. I got the headset before I came here, back when I still hoped Sam would just go away on his own.

>What better way to confirm how fake your Sam is than to chat with the real one.
>Regan... I wonder if this Sam would go away if you got to know the real Sam?

But we haven’t talked in years. He doesn’t know me at all. How could I talk to him? Besides, he’d just think I was crazy. I mean… I am crazy.

>Regan, try your best to tune this conversation out for now.
>By all means, use it, if you need a break. We don't mind if that means we have to wait for you.

Okay. I’ll see you later.

Hmm hmm hmm, hm hm, hmm hmm…

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)17:11 No. 668420 ID: 3bc92d
File 144175748308.png - (199.30KB , 1000x600 , mamp11.png )

A few hours later, as I’m eating and reading in the cafeteria, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I take off my headset and turn to look.

Oh, it’s Marigold. We’re not really friends, but she’s nice, and I try to be nice to her. She’s sort of got what I have. She hears voices, too, like children whispering and laughing. According to her, the things her voices say are just nonsense.

“Hi, Regan. How are you?”

“Hello. Sam is a little loud today, but otherwise I’m okay. How about you?”

“Oh, I’m a little nervous.” She gently pokes her lips as she speaks. It’s a habit she has. “I guess I’m lonely. I don’t know. Were you going to go to group? There are supposed to be new people coming today, and I don’t want to go by myself.”

You're meeting lots of new people today. Go meet some real ones instead.

>>668420
Go with her. You might as well see some more real people, and it's not like it costs you anything to help her.

>>668420
Sure.
Uhh, that smile makes me think she's into you. It's a little presumptuous, but the thought's there.
Her voices sound harmless, I don't know why a person would admit themselves to an expensive healthcare facility if she was simply being annoyed by innane voices, other people with similar conditions are usually fine operating in the outside world since it's generally cheaper. She must have some shit that went down.

Is this a co-ed or female only facility? Just curious.

Join Marigold in greeting the newcomers.

>>668418
Having a mental illness doesn't make you less of a person.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)18:07 No. 668457 ID: 3bc92d
File 144176082728.png - (149.61KB , 1000x600 , mamp12.png )

>Go with her. You might as well see some more real people, and it's not like it costs you anything to help her.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“O-okay.” She pokes her lip one more time, then waits as I gather my things and stand up. We head over to the group therapy room together, Marigold tagging along slightly behind me.

We’re a little early, so we sit next to each other in two of the empty chairs and wait quietly.

>Her voices sound harmless, I don't know why a person would admit themselves to an expensive healthcare facility if she was simply being annoyed by inane voices

I think she has some anxiety problems, too, but I don’t like to pry. It feels impolite.

>Uhh, that smile makes me think she's into you. It's a little presumptuous, but the thought's there.

Marigold? I don’t know. Maybe? She’s never said anything about it, but she has always been very attached to me. I always just thought she was lonely, though.

I’m not sure how I’d feel about that. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t think I’m into girls. Marigold is a very pretty girl - a lot prettier than I am - but I’m not attracted to her or anything.

“Is something wrong?” Marigold asks, stroking her lips anxiously. “You’re looking at me kind of funny.”

>maybe
>I don't know how I feel about that
I wouldn't worry about it. This seems the worst kind of place to make presumptions, or push people to talk about things they aren't ready to talk about yet. If she does feel something, she obviously hasn't felt ready bringing it up.

Worry about it if she ever brings it up. Until something changes, nothing has changed.

I mean, if the guess is wrong, all bringing it up would do is give her something new to be anxious about. (Wait, what am I doing that makes people think I'm into girls?).

>“Is something wrong?” Marigold asks, stroking her lips anxiously. “You’re looking at me kind of funny.”
Half truth: Oh, no, sorry. Something I heard.

Sam is trying to convince her to make inappropriate advances on someone in a fragile mental state. Don't mind us.

You should tell her not to worry about it. Instead ask about her day and make pleasant small talk.

>>668457
>a lot prettier than I am
Well, you don't really know that, you just have your perspective, and most people aren't that attracted to themselves because of a desire for genetic diversity. Other people probably think different things. You think she thinks she's pretty? Probably not.

Forget it, sorry I brought it up. Just know that people may like you more than you realize. It's not just all you and Sam here. Think about how others think. Maybe establishing an empathy link will help.

Just say you were zoning out in her general direction. Too many random thoughts at once.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)19:43 No. 668482 ID: 3bc92d
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“Oh, um, it’s just… you know. Something I heard.” I tap my ear. “Too many thoughts. Don’t mind me.”

“Oh?” Marigold blinks, widens her eyes in realization, then nods. “Oh. Okay.”

“So how’s your day been?”

“It’s been, um, a little loud… But it’s okay right now. Being around you makes it easier.”

“Oh, uh, cool. I’m glad I can help.” I’m about to say something else, but the door opens and a couple of the other people from group show up, so I go quiet. I give Marigold a smile and a shrug. She smiles back.

A few minutes later, group therapy begins. As usual, people take turns talking as we go clockwise around the circle of chairs. Marigold and I are near the end of the circle.

…

“…so, yeah, I’m not sure if I’m getting better, exactly, but I kinda sorta maybe have a boyfriend, now…? So, I don’t know. I think I’m doing okay.”

“That’s wonderful, Nathan. Honestly, you do sound like you’re making lots of progress.” A couple of other people in the circle chime in with words of encouragement and support. Nathan smiles gently and looks a bit embarrassed. The doctor shifts his gaze to the next person down the line. “Yule, would you like to talk about anything today?”

”Pass.”

The doctor nods, looking a little disappointed. I don’t know what he expected; Yule never speaks.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)19:44 No. 668483 ID: 3bc92d
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“Moving on, then. Regan, how about you? Is there anything you’d like to bring up?”

I quickly straighten my posture, surprised. The doctor just skipped four people in the circle. Why did he go straight to me?

>>668483

Do you think you're hearing things again? Try confirming you haven't silently... Otherwise there's probably a reason. You shouldn't feel too bad to bring up what's on your mind... Then again, I know the nerves of group therapy... Just deep breaths and keep as calm as you can.

You've been hoarding peanut butter under your bed all week! You take it out at night when you can't sleep and stuff it in your ears to make the voices silent!

>The doctor just skipped four people in the circle. Why did he go straight to me?
Well, maybe he's going to be skipping around today to keep people off guard? It's only notably if you're the only one he skips to.

>Is there anything you’d like to bring up?
Um. I don't know. I still hear things I know aren't there. Sam's been loud lately, and he's been messing with my sleeping. No big changes for the better or worse.

>>668483
Stressed out by Sam and voices. The regular stuff. Nothing new, besides a new therapist and the first session seemed to go well. That's about it. No progress, just looking forward to a better tomarrow.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)21:31 No. 668523 ID: 3bc92d
File 144177309225.png - (148.37KB , 1000x600 , mamp15.png )

>Do you think you're hearing things again?

I - I don't know! I can't tell!

I take a deep breath and start to speak. ”Um... I don't know. I still hear things that I know aren't there. I met with a new therapist today. She seems nice. Sam is being loud, and he's still messing with my sleeping a lot..."

The room is quiet. People are looking at me strangely. I feel a familiar flash of fear.

"I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been sleeping well, Regan." The doctor's tone is relaxed, like he's trying to be soothing. "Are you aware that you spoke out of turn just now? There are still four people ahead of you in the circle."

"B-but you just-!"

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/08(Tue)21:32 No. 668525 ID: 3bc92d
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I realize. My chest feels tight. I lower my head. “…I’m sorry.”

”Oh, man, that was awesome! Hey, Prune, you know what this reminds me of? High school. Remember how you always thought the teachers were calling on you? This is so nostalgic!”

“You don’t have to apologize, Regan. I wasn’t trying to admonish you, I just wanted to check in. No one here is judging you. You can keep talking, if you’d like.”

”Wow, that’s a load of bullshit. They’re all judging you, Prune, and the verdict is ‘crazy’.”

I almost want to die.

Ouch. Yeah, tell him Sam's progressed to interfering with what you hear other people say as well. Such as who you were calling on.

>>668522
They're not judging you because they're going through similar things you're went through. Listen to them, not you who is Sam. Everyone here believes you.

Keep reminding yourself Sam is you. A very powerful thought, that's all he is, and all he can do is whisper in your ear. And yell.

Ask the biggest question of yourself: Do you judge anyone here?

Oh and for what to say: Just say you just heard you get called out by mistake and panicked, so that's also new. Sorry about that, you're done. Just, like a warning for future sessions, I might hear things from them that they didn't say and can't tell if they're real or not.

Can't change the past so better to just own it. Might want to apologize for now, you didn't do anything wrong but it might smooth things over.
Also bet Marigold isn't judging Regan, so wise up a bit before you speak Sam.

>>668525
Just say you had an audio hallucination of him calling on you, you'd rather wait your turn.

Keep going. You're already embarrassed- it's not like you lose anything by pressing on. And you're not going to get a more sympathetic audience.

I thought it was weird you called on me out of turn. I guess I was too nervous or caught off guard to notice it wasn't real. Those are the ones that really get to me. I mean, it's one thing to try and cope with the stuff I know isn't real. It can be unpleasant, but I know what it is. It's really off-putting when I can't tell, or I don't notice.

Seems like being functionally deaf would be a step up. So, keep headphones on all the time, and until you learn sign language and/or lip-reading, communicate only in writing.

Once group therapy is over, offer to hug Marigold.

"I... I heard you address me by name and ask me to speak. Which means... in addition to the usual hearing of voices, I'm now starting to hallucinate?"

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/09(Wed)00:27 No. 668583 ID: 3bc92d
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“I thought it was weird that you called on me out of turn. I guess I was too nervous to notice it wasn’t real. Those are the ones that really get to me. I mean, it’s one thing to try to cope with the stuff that I know isn’t real…” I breathe, shakily. “But I’ve been having more and more of these audial hallucinations, recently, where I can’t tell if they’re real or not. They scare me.”

“Why do you think you feel scared by them?”

“Look, I… I know almost everyone in this circle is like me, I mean, this is the psychosis and schizophrenia group…” I take a moment to breathe. “But I’ve been here for a long time. I’ve seen lots of people like me. Usually they just show up, stay for a little while, get stable again, and then they go. But I’ve been here for a long time. Almost a year, now.”

“Regan, everyone recovers in their own way, at their own speed. Sometimes it takes a long time.”

“But it’s been so long. Other people have gotten better. I thought I would get better, too. I’ve taken all sorts of medications, I’ve tried lots of different therapies and exercises, but… it’s like I’m only ever getting worse. Nothing helps.”

“I don’t know about that. You have your music and your books. Did you have those when you first came here?”

“No, I didn’t. But those aren’t solutions. They’re just… I don’t know. Coping mechanisms.”

“I, um…” Marigold speaks up, sounding very nervous. I’m surprised. She usually doesn’t talk much in group. “I’m not sure, I mean, I wouldn’t really know, but… I think that’s what ‘getting better’ is. It’s just coping.”

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/09(Wed)00:28 No. 668584 ID: 3bc92d
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A few of the other people in the group nod their agreement. I go quiet, bowing out of the discussion. After about a minute of silence, the doctor gives me a supportive smile. “I really do think that you’re getting better every day, Regan. Hang in there, and please tell us if there’s anything we can do.” With that, he turns back to the first of the four people I’d skipped. “So, Marie. Last session, you mentioned having some issues with your memory. How are you feeling today?”

“I don’t know.” Marie shuffles around in her seat. “I feel like I’m trapped, or as if I’m being chased, but I’m not quite sure who’s after me, or why…”

I try to pay attention to her, but I just can’t focus. I feel so weak and stupid. I cautiously slip out of my seat and exit the room. I sit down out in the hall, in an uncomfortable chair.

“Wow, you’re so nice, Prune. Speak out of turn, pour your silly little heart out, ignore their advice, don’t thank them for their support, then sneak out without listening to the very same people you interrupted. Gold star. Ten out of ten!”

>Seems like being functionally deaf would be a step up.

I reach down and grab my headset. Before I can put it on, the door opens, and Marigold quietly steps out. She sits down next to me. “You okay?” She taps her lips.

Embarrassed.

...Regan, I'm starting to think that they shouldn't be treating you for psychosis. They should be treating you for depression.

Depression is only a part of a larger puzzle here. It's probably as a result of Sam obviously and continuously giving Regan low self-esteem but there has to be a reason why we existed inside Regan in the first place that we'll have to get to the bottom of. That's hopefully what therapy will help with too, here's to hoping.

I'd trust Marigold to talk to but it's up to you if you want to. She seems like someone who is generally concerned about how you feel and unlike what Sam might think or say, just remember that people actually care for you. Don't ever forget that.

Also, don't worry about walking out before. It might be hard but please don't worry about what people think.

"Normal people don't have Sam to deal with and I don't know why he's so focused on sabotaging me instead of helping me, or just paying more attention to the other people around me that you'd think he'd find more interesting than watching someone he thinks is stupid and ugly. If you accept the idea that Sam and all the other voices are only parts of me that would make him a representation of thinking bad about myself. I'm not sure that's right but it at least makes sense. Then add in the audio-hallucinations when I hear things people don't actually say and it suddenly makes no sense again. That's leaving me lost and I have no idea what's wrong or what to try to do besides blast my head with noise to the point that I can't hear anything that anyone says, real or fake. Should I just leave my headphones on all the time and learn sign language, learn to live like a deaf person?"

It's all about confidence, I think...Hey, you ever try to have 'fun' with your current social status?
Like asking an offbeat question, or saying the thing no one else wants to say. Own the Crazy, instead of letting the Crazy own you.

>“You okay?” She taps her lips.
I dunno. I don't think I'm really any worse, but I don't think I'm having a very good day with this stuff.

Were there any new people after all? I don't think I noticed much after my thing.

>>668584
Oh, that actually seems to be something Merigold does as a nervous tic or something. It was over-analyzing. Still, your presence is obviously comforting to the girl at least.

Tell her that you're tired.

i Know we already addressed the elephant in the room, but just so we're clear: Sam, are you wearing a skirt

also, why not just make a NEW sam to beat the OLD sam. the horse that swallowed the dog. we can name him 'Same'

>>668120
>Maybe we just need to make Regan a ghost sword or something to kill you with. I'd be cool with being a magic talking sword.

Salt can injure ghosts and certain other impure things. Go to the cafetorium, food place, whatever it's called, and as politely as possible obtain a salt shaker. When Sam lies, throw salt at him.

We might be looking at a legit supernatural issue here, given that mundane treatment methodologies aren't working so great, so let's do some hypothesis testing in that domain. Stick with what works even if you're not quite sure of the mechanism, and abandon whatever lacks benefits worth the cost.

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/14(Mon)00:44 No. 669517 ID: 3bc92d
File 144221666038.png - (223.61KB , 1000x600 , mamp19.png )

>...Regan, I'm starting to think that they shouldn't be treating you for psychosis. They should be treating you for depression.

They’re treating me for both.

>Hey, you ever try to have 'fun' with your current social status? Own the crazy, instead of letting the crazy own you.

There’s nothing fun about it. I don’t want to show off my problems. I feel like enough of a freak as it is.

>We might be looking at a legit supernatural issue here, given that mundane treatment methodologies aren't working so great

But… supernatural things aren’t real, are they? They aren’t, right?

“I, um… I feel embarrassed, and tired. I feel crazy too. The hallucinations are making me wonder if maybe it’d be better if I was completely deaf…” I shake my head slightly and force out a small laugh. “But, um, don’t mind me too much. I’m not getting worse, I just don’t think I’m having a good day with this stuff.”

“I know those days.” She nods, looking a little sad. “Still, I think you’re doing great. I don’t know if I could handle what you have to deal with, you know? You’re really, um, inspirational to me.” She pokes her lip anxiously.

“Thanks, Marigold. I honestly think you’re a stronger person than you give yourself credit for, though.”

“I don’t think so.” She mumbles, looking at the floor.

“Well, I do.” I smile. “So, were there any new people today? I didn’t really notice much. I was kind of distracted.”

Regan!5tTWT1eydY 2015/09/14(Mon)00:48 No. 669523 ID: 3bc92d
File 144221689217.png - (190.80KB , 1000x600 , mamp20.png )

“Oh, uh, yeah. Who were they…?” Marigold pauses, trying to remember. “There were three new people - two girls and a boy. One of the new girls is named Gertrude, she’s got a bit of a lisp, but she seems nice. The other girl’s name is Xi or Chi or something. I think she’s foreign. She was very friendly, but she's so l-little that I’m not sure she’s old enough to be here.”

“Wait, is she younger than me?” I’m a little surprised. I’m used to being the youngest person in the group.

“I’m not sure. Maybe she’s just really short?” Marigold shrugs, then seems to lose herself in thought. “The boy… I can’t remember what the boy’s name was. It was like the oil, you know?”

I blink. “Oil?”

“Yeah, like… oh, that was it! C-Castor. His name was Castor.” She relaxes, having remembered. “The doctor was really protective of him, but Castor didn’t talk at all. He looked kind of confused, actually.”

“Well, I mean…”

“No, like, more confused than most of us are. He kept looking around, like he wasn’t sure why he was there.”

“Well, we’ve all got our own stuff to deal with.” I shrug

“Yeah.” She smiles shyly. “Hey, um… I know I’ve never asked you before, but do you, uh, do you want to hang out with me and do things together? Like, draw, or play games, or something…” She runs her fingers over her lips nervously. “I mean, whatever you’d want to do, Regan. I don’t know. I’m not good at social stuff.”

>>669523
That would probably be good for you, you should do it. Also it'd be fun.

Okay, I got the rest - though Chee took a bit - but who's Castor?
I'm assuming Marigold is OC.

>>669523
Sure, Sam might make things difficult though.

If Chi is Asian, I know this is a stereotype, but odds are she could be the oldest person in the group while being the shortest and youngest looking.

>But… supernatural things aren’t real, are they? They aren’t, right?
We have no reason to think they're real. You can't actually prove a negative, but the preponderance of evidence doesn't support it.

And the fact you have good reason not to trust your own senses means it's not like you could reliably investigate.

I don't think it's a productive line of thought, unless you discover adopting a religious, spiritual, or supernatural perspective on your issues greatly increases your capacity to cope. I'm skeptical about that though, as the idea seemed to distress you.

>>669523
Well, it looks like she would like you as a friend, at least.

I don't see that there's any reason not to hang with someone who wants to, unless you really need time to yourself, or had other plans. I mean, it can't be bad for you to hang around with people who like you, right?

Let's make our voices duel to the death! Yours choose the battlefield, and we'll choose the weapon!

You should go play some games with her, maybe cards or monopoly.

>>669553
How about ANYTHING BUT monopoly, instead? At least go for, like, Catan or Parcheesi.

>>669608
Catan sucks (but not as much as Monopoly) with only two players. Find a third player or go for Race For The Galaxy instead.