|
>>
|
2a5ef3.jpg
Tropical Belle
2a5ef3
[RECORD SCRATCH]
OKAY, LET'S SHUT HIM UP SO I CAN EXPLAIN TO YOU FOLKS.
GET COMFORTABLE, THIS'LL BE FUCKIN' LONG.
FIRST OFF, YOU'LL HOPEFULLY FUCKIN' NOTICE SOME BLUE TEXT SPRINKLED AMONGST THIS DIATRIBE.
BLUE MEANS AN IMPORTANT WORD THAT STANDS OUT IN CRIMBO'S MEMORIES THAT, IF BOLDED, YOU UNDERPAID CHIMNEYSWEEPS CAN ASK FOR EXPOSITION ON.
NOW, TAKE A GANDER TO YOUR LEFT.
TO THE PICTURE FILLED WITH BIG RED NUMBERS AND THE EVER-PRESENT-BUT-NOT-ACTUALLY-UNTIL-IT'S-RELEVANT HUD.
ONE-DER OVER YONDER REPRESENTS, AS YOU CHUCKLEBUCKS SHOULD KNOW FROM WELL-KNOWN AND BETTER-THAN-THIS WORKS (*COUGHRUBYQUESTCOUGH*), CRIMBO'S INVENTORY.
2 SLOTS REPS EACH HAND WHICH CAN EXPAND (UNLIKE CRIMBO'S ACORN DICK) WHEN OUR BOY PLAYS BARBIE'S PRETTY PRINCESS DRESS-UP WITH EQUIPS (OR HE CAN STAY NEAR-NUDE, YOUR CHOICE, YA FUCKIN' WEIRDOS.)
DEUCES IS, IF YOU HAD A CHILDHOOD, REPPIN' CRIMBO'S AMOUNT OF LIVES WHICH HE WISHES HE ACTUALLY HAD. SIMPLE STUFF, YOU DIE, FUCK UP SO TERRIBLY THAT CRIMMUS IS RUINED OR DIE HORRIBLY, YOU GET A MULLIGAN.
HE'S GOT 3 CURRENTLY (THANKS TO SOME BADASS SHIT FROM HIS LAST SHOWING) AND CAN GET MORE BUT IT AIN'T GONNA BE EASY.
LOS TRES AMIGOS AND THE BARBER'S QUARTET ARE METER BARS, NOT THE DRINK-TIL-YOU-FORGET OR THE FRUITCAKE NUTRIENT KIND, ARE CRIMBO'S FITNESS AND HOTBLOOD AND IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHAT FITNESS MEANS, FUCKIN' SHOOT ME.
IT'S HIS HEALTH. TAKE ENOUGH HITS AND SAY BYE-BYE TO THOSE PRECIOUS LIVES.
HIS HOTBLOOD METER IS A WHOLE LOGFILE WORTH OF BORING BULLSHIT.
SO LET'S KNOCK THIS OUT NOW CAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT.
CRIMBO CAN USE A PERCENTAGE OF HIS HOTBLOOD TO DO SOME RULE OF COOL SHIT, BASICALLY.
DROP A DOOR ON SOME SUCKAS WITH A SINGLE FLYING KICK, JUMP OFF AN EXPLODING BUILDING AND POWER-SLIDE DOWN A GLASS CEILING, SEND THE DEVIL STRAIGHT BACK TO HELL WITH A BALLPUNCH SO INTENSE HE'LL BE SINGING 'AMAZING GRACE'.
ALL OF THAT SORTA STUFF, AS AWESOME AS IT SOUNDS, WOULD COST METER (JUST LIKE THEM FIGHTING GAMES).
Y'MIGHT NOTICE THE MAX RIGHT THERE.
IF THE METER HITS MAX, CRIMBO STARTS BLAZIN' AND, NO, NOT THE DANK-ASS 420 KIND.
PREPARE YOUR ASS TO GET BLASTED CAUSE SOME SHIT GON' HAPPEN. THAT RED AURA FROM BEFORE'LL APPEAR AND EVERYTHING'LL GO APESHIT WHEN IT DOES.
IT LASTS FOR 3 ROUNDS OF COMBAT OR 2 ACTIONS.
HOW THOSE DIFFER, S'OBVIOUS. WHEN CRIMBO STARTS FIGHTAN', COMBAT STARTS. WHEN THINGS ARE CHILL, IT'S ACTIONS.
FAIR WARNING, CRIMBO'S HOTBLOOD CAN BE A DOUBLE-EDGED FUCK-YOU.
HOW? WELL, IF YOU WANT TO USE THAT SWEET SHIT, Y'BETTER ADD A [HOTBLOOD] TO YOUR SUGGESTION AND IF YOU GET 2 PEOPLE BACKING YOU, I'LL TOSS YOUR SAL-ER, UH, SHIT NO, I'LL TOSS A 100-SIDED DIE.
HOW IT LANDS DECIDES HOW THE COOL-GER COUNTER READS THE ACTION.
1-10 IS AWFUL, SHIT A FATBOY CHUNK OF HOTBLOOD AND FUCK UP TERRIBLY.
11-35 IS BAD, LOSE A BABY BOTTOM BIT AND FAIL (BUT NOT AS BAD).
36-64 IS NADA, THINGS STAYS THE SAME AND THERE'S NO GOOD OR BAD EFFECT.
65-89 IS GOOD, GET A IMPISH AMOUNT AND IT ENDS UP GREAT.
90-100 COOL, GAIN A SHITTON OF METER AND IT'S A WILD SUCCESS.
THAT'S IT, KIDS, THE BASICS. IF YOU WANT MORE, ASK POLITELY LIKE THE GOOD LITTLE GIMPS THAT YOU ARE.
UNTIGHTEN YER KEGELS, LET'S GET THIS SHIT ROLLING.
|