Take over the west coast.

>>580517

>>580516
Turn into a sh-

Go to the park in a pidgeon suit and harass people feeding the birds.

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)21:34 No. 580521 ID: c3ad33
File 140358447173.png - (71.98KB , 700x600 , 2.png )

i put on a pigeon suit and fly 2 the west coast

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)21:35 No. 580522 ID: c3ad33
File 140358450978.png - (90.73KB , 700x600 , 3.png )

i begin 2 harass surfers. this is unfulfulling

Harass seagulls. Seagulls deserve it.

NO! You must Recruit The Seagulls For Your War Machine!

make out w the surfers

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)21:44 No. 580527 ID: c3ad33
File 140358504020.png - (64.41KB , 700x600 , 3.png )

i try 2 harass the seagulls but they are DUPED by my amazing disguise and become HOT 4 ME instead. i guess this would make them easier to recruit but tbqh i really really do not want to do that

get the seagulls drunk too

>>580527
Pretend to start making out and devour them instead. You can only eat the top halves and spit out the heads if you think the other bits are gross.

>>580527
Run away! Use the flock of seagulls following you to get bird poop on everyone's cars.

>>580530
The perfect crime.

Pass creepy bird boyfriend off to rml and gtfo.

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)21:55 No. 580535 ID: c3ad33
File 140358570189.png - (99.06KB , 700x600 , 4.png )

i splash 4loko in the seagull's faces to try to get them durnk

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)21:55 No. 580536 ID: c3ad33
File 140358572041.png - (394.01KB , 700x600 , 5.png )

seagulls are no longer HOT 4 ME. they are now ANGRY @ ME

Grow 6 additional legs

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)21:56 No. 580538 ID: c3ad33
File 140358576301.png - (70.49KB , 700x600 , 6.png )

i run 4 dear life. they poop on everything in their wake as they pursue me. phase 1 of my conquest of the west coast is complete

but now i have a bunch of angry seagulls chasing me. this is not what my mother wanted for me

welcome to SoCal! after you're done with the seagulls and their shenanigans, you should check out the high desert and scratch your itchy back on the joshua trees.

>>580538
Snipe the gulls with some hacky-sacks!

welcome to morrowind. in the true morrowind fashion, steal everything that isnt bolted down and cut the bolts to everything that is.

where is all the freckle tho

Kite the cliff racers into the guards. After everyone is dead, spend an inordinate amount of time figuring out the most valuable things on the corpses that you can carry without overburdening yourself.

duck into a nearby office building for escape. wreak havoc inside

convince the birds to aid you in your conquest

Run past nearby convenience stores. They will be overcome by the urge to pillage junk food.

Owl 2014/06/23(Mon)22:14 No. 580558 ID: 9e9eb2
File 140358685226.png - (471.92KB , 1280x1280 , tumblr_n7fg30wPMv1qfobbio3_1280[1].png )

I redact - more birds.

change back into some regular clothes this will make them confused. did they fall for the bird u or real u?? they dont know and will fall into an existential crisis

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:15 No. 580561 ID: c3ad33
File 140358689986.png - (85.17KB , 700x600 , 7.png )

none of your suggestions make any sense and i hate them so i'm ignoring them.

POOF! i'm in hell. i am no longer wearing a pigeon costume; instead i am in the same soft grunge neowitch garbage that i wear every day of my unfulfilled, coffee drenched life

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:15 No. 580562 ID: c3ad33
File 140358692496.png - (107.89KB , 700x600 , 8.png )

satan is like yo. i am uncomfortable bc the last time we talked we parted on like, not great terms

Count legs

take a picture with him then photoshop in some greek busts and ferns then make a vaporwave aesthetic blog

flirt with satan

>>580562
Awkwardly apologize. Offer to help him torture some sinners to make up for... whatever it was.

"is it hot in here or is that just you?" works every time trust me i have a degree in business and administration

Ask what satan wants from you before giving him your price, and bringing out the contract for him to sign.

post a selfie with him

Offer him third-rate coffe and stale croissants as a peace offering.

seduce satan then make off with his valuables in the dead of night (is there night in hell. who knows.)

>>580562
You are a stronk and independant woman and you won't take his shit! Stage a coup and become the ruler of hell!

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:26 No. 580574 ID: c3ad33
File 140358757101.png - (407.29KB , 700x600 , 9.png )

we take a selfie together and post it on our new aesthetic blog. satan seems 2 b Appeased.

#pale #glow #softgrunge #vaporwave #glitch

>>580574
Burn stuff in the fires of hell!

>>580574
delete his blog, overwater his succulents, and leave

Get the devil to make a Fractallian pact with you.

oh no.... it looks like the pic has circulated pretty quickly... is that anon hate in your inbox?? maybe the seagulls can use computers after all

answer some seagull anon hate

catch a seagull off anon, post his comment, then screenshot all the desperate requests to take the post down that slowly morph into angry, sexist diatribe

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:31 No. 580582 ID: c3ad33
File 140358790194.png - (17.62KB , 675x236 , jkasfhsadj.png )

>>580579
sweet jesus yr right

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:31 No. 580583 ID: c3ad33
File 140358791501.png - (86.86KB , 700x600 , 10.png )

satan is inconsolable

Pass out. Regret everything when you wake up. In Hell.

why be w satan when u can be w queen lucy l

well, he's out of commission. pick up his slack. youre more than qualified

get satan drunk

you're a shark at heart

smell the metaphorical blood

rip him apart

conveniently acquire the Fiery Power of Hell and take revenge on the seagulls

Steal Satan's legs for yourself.

>>580583
Drink satan's delicious tears.

check how many likes your selfie got thatll make satan feel better

FatherFreckle 2014/06/23(Mon)22:44 No. 580594 ID: 93ee39
File 140358868035.png - (137.86KB , 700x600 , 140358692496.png )

>>580562
player 2 has entered battle

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:45 No. 580595 ID: c3ad33
File 140358871799.png - (108.54KB , 700x600 , 11.png )

satan is Weak. i can smell it. i dismember him

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:45 No. 580596 ID: c3ad33
File 140358874202.png - (46.43KB , 700x600 , 12.png )

i slap his legs onto my torso bc SOMEBODY is obsessed w the concept of me having more than 2 legs

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)22:46 No. 580597 ID: c3ad33
File 140358877106.png - (96.73KB , 700x600 , 13.png )

i am now QUEEN OF HELL

this is slightly less useless and awful than being chased by horny seagulls

>>580597
Conquer purgatory and impose a damnation tax on aerosol cheese.

>>580597
Find Hitler and make his punishment worse.

Summon rad friends, make them fellow queens of hell.

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)23:01 No. 580602 ID: c3ad33
File 140358971670.png - (88.41KB , 700x600 , 14.png )

after imposing a hell tax on EVERYTHING, i find hitler

his sentence is 2 have poop drop on him for the heavens forever

i change the order to TWICE THE POOP. that was satisfying

but hitler is boring and i hate him. what else should i do


edit: a few days after this was posted someone approached me saying they felt the joke was in poor taste, and after hearing what they had to say i agreed that it was pretty dickish of me. they asked for me to link the explanation of why the joke sucks/apology, which you can find here:

http://pastebin.com/NGnDQ7Fp

>>580602
send demons to the ubisoft headquarters and punch them all in the buttholes

>>580602
Find the coolest person in hell and poke them with your fork. But only a little, then bump fists with them. Maybe take them up to the- wait.

INVADE HEAVEN.

Get more booze.

have a drunken party will all the cool demons in hell

FatherFreckle 2014/06/23(Mon)23:07 No. 580607 ID: 93ee39
File 140359004333.png - (23.73KB , 500x300 , bad.png )

important suggestoin

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)23:10 No. 580608 ID: c3ad33
File 140359020272.png - (90.07KB , 700x600 , 15.png )

i get all the demons drunk and then we all fly 2 ubisoft headquarters

"U DON'T UNDERSTAND" screams the ubisoft guy as i own his nerd ass. "GIRLS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW"

i'm not buying it. i continue 2 punch him

>>580608
yesssss now fart around his eyes so he gets pink eye

>>580608
Give him a huge wedgie then force them to make a videogame to your specifications.

steal his ability to draw dudes

FRACTAL 2014/06/23(Mon)23:17 No. 580612 ID: c3ad33
File 140359065439.png - (99.35KB , 700x600 , 16.png )

i give him the biggest wedgie the world has ever seen.

"make them all girls," i whisper, "w no silly boob jiggle physics"

but i wedgied too hard. he's basically dead. there will b no video game. ubisoft is basically useless 2 me now

take all of the demons and put them into pigeons. possess all of the pigeons in the world and make them do things like dance and shit fancy portraits of famous people on the pavement.

Clearly the right thing to do is to annex the Ubisoft building as part of hell and punish the former developers there. Their new job is to make videogames that sexually demean and objectify men with things like midriff-baring armour, ass-cutouts that show off their asscheeks and way too much makeup. The female characters will have reasonable proportions and reasonable dress/equipment/habits/actions in stark contrast with the industry norm of every female character either being a support character, fanservice, or both.

Suggestion 2014/06/23(Mon)23:34 No. 580616 ID: c5f6d2
File 140359165088.jpg - (166.31KB , 1024x576 , selectclass.jpg )

>>580615
Pic related.

revision to previous suggestion: take all the demons, make them possess pigeons, make the demonpigeons shit on all things Ubisoft

>>580612
DREAMS RUINED. Steal their mtn. dew and doritos supplies and give them to the homeless.

Or y'know just consume them all. Like a vacuum.

>basically dead
Well make him fully dead then go get him from hell. You need a crack team of undead developers to make your best game ever.

FRACTAL 2014/06/24(Tue)00:15 No. 580624 ID: c3ad33
File 140359410293.png - (70.47KB , 700x600 , 17.png )

i stand on top of video game mountain. i have killed everyone who worked for ubisoft and now they are demons who work for me. my ultrafeminist propoganda game is in the works

what now

Fulfill a dying kid's wish of becoming an evil overlord. There has to be at least one of them. Then make *another* dying kid a hero and have them both fight for your amusement.

Pants.

You see Gandhi cruising on a sweet magic carpet. Quick, catch a ride and fly out of hell and finish off those seagulls!

You see roughly 800 years of generations of hardcore white supremacist colonialist Europeans. They all have legs.

Suddenly, you gain an urge to increase the size of your leg pile.

>>580624
Make out with hot demon chix.

recruit ghandi. probably the only mortal in existence who would threaten nuclear war on the devil himself and follow through. he probably gives good footrubs

Hey now! Half-measures are a terrible thing! You still need to go conquer the east coast!

Would probably be a good idea to conquer the north and south coasts too. For good measure.

Learn dildomancy

i'm a demon sup drunk fractal ???

FRACTAL 2014/06/24(Tue)10:27 No. 580718 ID: c3ad33
File 140363087202.png - (197.33KB , 700x600 , 18.png )

shit. i must have fallen asleep. my tail, horns, and pokey thing are gone - i guess the demons decided that if i was gonna be a drowsy little prick i wasn't allowed to be the Queen of Hell anymore

they let me keep the cool metal bikini tho

above me, The Space Shark swims in idle circles as it has, does, and will for all of eternity. its voice washes over me like the breaking waves of a warm galactic sea.

"YOU HAVE DONE WELL, CHILD. REST NOW"

and i think i will

gg m8

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LITTLE RABBIT ORPHANS OF THE 5TH CIRCLE OF HELL!? WHAT OF THEM FRACTAL!?