IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)00:50 No. 568313 ID: 30357e
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Shit guys the court is not digging my juggling.

Gotta entertain or I'll be executed!

What do I dooooo?

>>568313
Wow dang look at this literal joker

show them a card trick

>>568312
Pratfall and catch all the balls with your face

Scapegoat time. 'Accidentally' chuck your balls in the face of the least popular guy in court, one by one.

drop your pant... do it!!!

>>568313
Tell a fart joke. Those always get laughs.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)01:11 No. 568326 ID: 30357e
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>Wow dang look at this literal joker

I know right

>show them a card trick

Unfortunately I only know how to juggle, so I put on my SERIOUS FACE and throw a bunch of cards everywhere.

>Pratfall and catch all the balls with your face

Yeah! Ow! Yeah!

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)01:12 No. 568327 ID: 30357e
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>fart joke

I mumble out one about a hen and a dog farting in a shed. It's very topical!

Now all that's left is to see what the king thinks!

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)01:13 No. 568329 ID: 30357e
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so yeah I'm in jail now.

>>568329
Start telling the worst jokes you can think of to the prison guard. If you're gonna be miserable you may as well share it.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)01:29 No. 568332 ID: 30357e
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>Start telling the worst jokes you can think of to the prison guard.

I wait until I hear the telltale thump-thump of a guard's footsteps, then I call out!

"Wanna hear some jokes?"

...

The footsteps stop, then I hear the door unlocking!

Uh oh.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)01:30 No. 568333 ID: 30357e
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"WOULD I?! I love jokes! Have you heard the one about the hen and the dog in the shed?"

>>568333
Yeah you just told it today but the king didn't like it? Ask who he is and why he's wearing a handlebar on his face!

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)01:44 No. 568336 ID: 30357e
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>Ask who he is and why he's wearing a handlebar on his face!

"Oh, do you like it? It's standard issue, all the guards have them. We all have to look identical. I groom mine, though. It's got a little extra handle and a bit less bar."

>Yeah you just told it today but the king didn't like it?

"Oh, oh yeah, King Nope doesn't like much. Sorry 'bout that. I like your style though, buddy. If you need some extra gruel or anything like that, ring me up."

ask if he wants to see some sick juggling. try to get him to help you juggle every possible thing you can its going to be the sickest juggling

Kinda hoping for a clue on how to get out of here without dying for it, getting punished or having to come back. If you can't think of anything now though perhaps I could tell you one about an old priest and a young priest.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)02:18 No. 568341 ID: 30357e
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>ask if he wants to see some sick juggling

"Hey, wanna see some sick juggling?"

"OH BOY!"

"I'm a little, uh, locked up, though. Gimme a hand?"

"Oh, sure."

He unlocks it crazy fast!

"Alright, little buddy! Go on, show me some sweet jugglin'!"

There's, uh, not a lot to juggle. Just a skull, a ball-and-chain, and some hay.

What do I do?

Well start juggling the skull and the ball-chain. Then complain that it's too easy and ask if he has anything else for you to juggle. Like keys or a wallet.

Start telling jokes while you juggle. See if you can incapacitate him with laughter so you can escape.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)22:32 No. 568765 ID: 30357e
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>ask if he has anything else for you to juggle. Like keys or a wallet.

"Oh yeah, sure. Lemme check my pockets... ah, here you go, my keys and three loaded shotguns. Catch!"

Yikes! Luckily, my sick juggling skills see me safe when catching the various implements.

(3 LOADED SHOTGUNS and PRISON KEYS added to inventory!)

Just as planned. Now what?

Juggle like you've never juggled before!

...I mean, we could just shoot this guy, but he appreciates you act. Awful hard to repay that with violence, or to lose your best audience so quickly.

Yeah, I gotta say you should at least give this guy a good show before you threaten to shoot him to force him to get you out of the ball and chain and maybe even out of the jail.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/01(Tue)23:02 No. 568769 ID: 30357e
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>you should at least give this guy a good show
>Juggle like you've never juggled before!

Yeah! Gotta show some professionalism!

Sick juggling skills, GO!

[animated]

Ask him if he'll let you show off to the other guards too, like near the entrance maybe.

If he says he can't let you out, then make a dark joke about guns. Something like "did you hear the one about the guy who said no while being held at gunpoint? No, of course not, he didn't live to tell the tale!"

Take you act outside to impress the others

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/02(Wed)18:52 No. 568916 ID: 30357e
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>Ask him if he'll let you show off to the other guards too, like near the entrance maybe.
>act outside to impress the others

"Hey, do you think any other guards would like my sweet jugglin'?"

"HELL YES"

Within seconds, I'm juggling on top the prison wall, surrounded by barbed wire. Behind me there's a fall out into freedom, but I'm not sure what's at the bottom.

The array of handlebar'd guards is suitably awestruck by my performance. Hell yeah.

So, what do I do now?

[animated]

>>568916
do a pirouette so you can get a glimpes of whats down there without arousing suspicion.
Alternatively, arouse some bonders by doing an incredibly homoerotic dance

Take the plunge. Nothing could go wrong

Say you're going to do a magic trick. It's a disappearing act!

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/03(Thu)01:55 No. 568972 ID: 30357e
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>do a pirouette so you can get a glimpes of whats down there without arousing suspicion.
>Alternatively, arouse some bonders by doing an incredibly homoerotic dance

I compromise! I use my latent mime abilities to whip up an invisible pole, then use my sexy jester poledancing skills to curl around and get a good look behind me.

There's a bridge over a moat. I could jump to the bridge, but it's hard to judge distance while poledancing, so it might be a rough fall. On the other side of the bridge, there's a thick forest and a village. Both of them are well-known HIDING SPOTS!

>Take the plunge. Nothing could go wrong

Should I still do this?

[animated]

...go for it. You have jester-tier acrobatics, you should be fine. Maybe you can even use your mime abilities to make a parachute or hangglider or wings or something?

Make sure to incorporate the jump into your act. Then it'll be a minute before they realized you escaped.

Can you mime an invisible rope?

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/10(Thu)02:58 No. 569982 ID: 30357e
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>...go for it.
>Make sure to incorporate the jump into your act.

"And now, the greatest act of all - a vanishing act! See if you can find me, I'll be inside the prison walls!"

>Maybe you can even use your mime abilities to make a parachute or hangglider or wings or something?
>Can you mime an invisible rope?

Unfortunately, that stuff was in the advanced miming class. I wasn't able to take that one! The teacher could never tell me why.

There's gotta be some way out of this! Luckily, this fall is giving me enough time to think up some sort of jesty solution.

Got any ideas?

Hypnotize yourself to sleep, you should wake up on some bed just before you hit the ground.

Or take such a deep breath that you inflate and start floating like a balloon.

take off hat, use as chute

Miss the ground!

Tumble! Everyone knows rolling right before you hit the ground negates the damage.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/23(Wed)21:34 No. 572156 ID: 30357e
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>Tumble! Everyone knows rolling right before you hit the ground negates the damage.

Makes sense to my medieval brain!

Here goes nothing...

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/04/23(Wed)21:35 No. 572157 ID: 30357e
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And nothing is gone!

All those hours of pratfalling really paid off!

No time to bask in my own amazingness; I gotta run before the guards catch up to me. But where should I run? The village or the forest?

go through town so you can secure... A PIE! a proper jester can do any number of things with a good pie.

Well, you'd be more out of your element in the forest. Which would be funnier. Which, as a jester, would put you in a better position.

Make like a tree.

Badass. Let's go make tree puns.

IdiomAlpha!5tTWT1eydY 2014/05/08(Thu)22:31 No. 573692 ID: 30357e
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>go through town so you can secure... A PIE! a proper jester can do any number of things with a good pie.
That's a good point. LUST FOR PIE added to inventory.

>Make like a tree.
>Badass. Let's go make tree puns.
"Right, I'm gonna make like a tree... AND LEAVE!"

"What the- oh poo-doo, he's headed for the forest!"

Awesome.

This forest is super dark! They'll never find me here.

...

So uh what should I do now?

That won't do. Remove some trees. Make your own revue. With blackjack and hookers. Right here.

How close is the nearest town/city that doesn't want you dead?

Make a fire so you can practise your fire eating/breathing.
Then try to impress some forest critters with your fire tricks.