>>574266
At this point, sending Human 2 in first would be useless--he's jinxed himself so much he'd be killed before he was two steps into the cave, and that'd leave you fighting a bear without backup. You'd better lead the way, and have him follow behind with his own bear hammer.

bear hammer? you mean bear mace? you know, the stuff that melts the eyeballs of a human and thus is enough to make a bear flee? because that'd make a lot of sense.

The Bear 2014/05/14(Wed)13:36 No. 574402 ID: 753e50
File 140009979461.png - (14.81KB , 1100x750 , 47.png )

>>574336
Maces are old and outdated. Hammers can be bought at the human store. You've seen it once. When you bought it, that is. You saw it and then you bought it from a human store because that's what humans do.

>>574267
You give him another bear hammer but lead the charge.

Inside is the mighty phasebear. It is so big and mighty that you can only see the hand of it.

Smack it with your hammer oh god

>>574402
Quick, power up to Super-Human and fire a few Humanity Shots at that hand! You do remember that humans can do that, right? Since you are a human?

Use your human cunning to trick the phase bear into attacking itself.

use hammer on claw.

Suggestion 2014/05/15(Thu)10:25 No. 574553 ID: 753e50
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>>574410
Bullshit, you have never seen a human ANOTHER human do those things.

>>574516
A puny insignificant human could not ever hope to outsmart a phasebear!


You hit the bear claw with your hamm OW FUCK

The Bear 2014/05/15(Thu)10:26 No. 574555 ID: 753e50
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Oh look at that your hammer disappeared!

What do you do now, human?

Sacrifice Human 2 to secure your escape then realize escaping a phase bear is impossible even with a distraction.

Circle around away from the claws and bite! If your partner is around direct him to hit where you did, make that crack go further!

>>574555
Are you sure you're a human? Because humans power up to Super-Human like all the time. But if you really can't, the only thing to do is bite the hand while Human 2 circles around with his hammer!

The Bear 2014/05/15(Thu)12:21 No. 574574 ID: 753e50
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With Human 2 nowhere around to serve as a handy distraction, you are forced to bite the MOTHER FUCK OW


Fucking... the other human, Human 2, he comes in and apologizes for being late. He just got a call from the lottery to tell him he won a twenty million dollar jackpot. He tells you he plans to spend it all on charity as soon as he gets home.

Tell him to help you out and hammer this giant bear hand so you can get some of its delicious meat.

Remind human 2 that he is two days away from retirement and that it's wiser to save the winnings for that.

Oh man you know how filthy human mouths are. That's how they hunt you know. They bite there prey and it gets horrible blood poisoning and dies. Then they molest its corpse with there horrible opposable digits.

Anyways now that you have doomed the bear to a slow death congratulate your friend on winning the lottery. Then retreat to a safe distance to wait for the bear to die.

>>574574
Shut up and start beating that hand with your hammer, Human 2! Aim for the claws, try to break them!

offer human 2 as a sacrifice to the almighty phasebear in exchange for MEAT.

Tell human 2 to invest some of that money on anti-phase bear tech R&D. We could sure use a cool human weapon right now.

The Bear 2014/05/16(Fri)13:52 No. 574715 ID: 753e50
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You urgently tell Human 2 to help with OWW JESUS!

Fuck this!

The Bear 2014/05/16(Fri)13:52 No. 574717 ID: 753e50
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You belatedly ask Human 2 to spend some of his millions on anti-bear weapons research. He tells you he certainly can.

The Bear 2014/05/16(Fri)13:52 No. 574718 ID: 753e50
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Oh no! The bear is summoning forth the boiling waters of the angry mountain! What will you do?

>>574718
LEG IT.

Laugh at the bears cheap boob job.

climb through like the ambitious bastards that you are.

>>574718
There's no way you can escape the full boiling wrath of a phase-bear. Grimly tell Human 2 that he's probably not going to see that retirement money.

That being said, you're not going to die like wimps, you're gonna die like the huMANS you are! Climb through the rift and die in a blaze of glory, charging at the bear!

Jump through the hole and drop to the floor running to escape.

>>574733
Hells yes.

pop its fake tits.

The Bear 2014/05/19(Mon)15:10 No. 575041 ID: 753e50
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No no no! Goddamn it! They're getting out!

You knew it was a bad idea to start your quest in the Drawings Can Come Alive And Do Things And Hurt Their Creators Too Sometimes dimension. But you thought it might make it easier if they could do the work for you.

Goddamn this reality and their fucked-up laws of physics and reality! Now you have two little stick shits trying to kill you for real real. And you just spilled your kettle, just fantastic!


And don't encourage them to pop your beautiful, bountiful bear bosoms! You just got those!

>>575041
You could just go get a big slab of beef and toss it at them. Then they'll take it and go away.

Smother them with your disturbing Hitler cleavage. They'll be too confused to react.

>>575041
Oh geeze, that whole human thing was just part of your quest? I thought we had actually switched to some random humans, they were so life-like!

I guess we could suggest them to run away or you could satisfy them with some meat from the fridge or something.

Just climb up on a piece of furniture till they get tired and go away or die.

Did you draw that beautiful bosom yourself? Better be careful it doesn't come to life and try to kill you too.

>>575041
Draw a phasebear to fight them off.
This is a perfect plan and nothing can go wrong.

The humans from your quest wanted meat, so draw ALL THE MEAT.

>>575116
>>575120
Combine these into the ultimate boss: the Phaseshank! A godlike shank of meat shaped generally like a bear for the humans to attack and devour.

The Bear 2014/05/26(Mon)16:17 No. 576054 ID: 753e50
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Man, sometimes you just need shit to be simple and free of 'phaseshank' madness. You've already ended two universes today, which is probably the sort of thing Mr. Honeypaws was yammering on about. And it's not even your house anyway, so screw it. You'll just give the little bastards some meat.

The Bear 2014/05/26(Mon)16:17 No. 576055 ID: 753e50
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Now where in the hell do humans keep their fridges? Why can't they just keep everything in one big rocky alcove like anybody sensible?

The Bear 2014/05/26(Mon)16:17 No. 576056 ID: 753e50
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Ah, there it is. No meat in here, though. What is all this crap? Metal cans and cardboard boxes and plastic? You can't eat this shit. Humans are dumb.

Oh, there's another fridge up top. Why in our bear god's name do they need two? They can't even fill one with berries and honey and meat. Well whatever, found some meat anyway.

The Bear 2014/05/26(Mon)16:17 No. 576057 ID: 753e50
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Come on you little blighters, take it and- oh, shit.

For fucks sake! You were going to play it by the rules. But now you have no idea where the little ankle-biters could be hiding.

>>576057
Try checking those drawers, and after that check through that door on your right. And careful with your breasts, if those stick figures have human throwing capabilities they may be in danger of flying bear hammers.

>>576057
BEHIND YOU

Just dump the meat on the floor and stand back, imo.

The Young Bear 2014/07/21(Mon)13:17 No. 585154 ID: 753e50
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Well forget all that. You are now Young Phasebear.

Fifteen bear years ago, you were cruelly torn from your mother and father. You were brought to this hellhole and left to rot, where you were fed a mere three round meals a day and scolded most unfairly for mauling the other children, when they annoyed you first. Worst of all, you were allowed only as many toys as could fit inside a large wardrobe eight feet tall.

Fortunately, the nightmare is over. Yesterday your phasebear powers finally matured, and today you will escape this gilded cage and kill the bastard who took your life from you.

Today, your quest begins. Now, where to begin?

As a phasebear, you may:

*Wander Aimlessly
*Growl and roar
*Maul and kill
*Look for lady phasebears
*Jump through time and space
*Forage for berries

Additionally, you believe the cape and mask combo you fashioned from spare sheets will give you increased stealthiness and maybe even the ability to fly. You have not tested this yet, however.

Become Bat-phasebear. You will be a crazed, super-trained vigilante to avenge the deaths of your parents.

>>585154
I think we should start with Wander Aimlessly Through Time and Space.

Would you even recognize them if you saw them now? No point in seeking revenge, it is far too stale. Better to move on and do new things with your life.