Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)20:37 No. 510184 ID: 4e4163
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This is the place. The place at which to finally build my kingdom. I will be the greatest king and lead my people with a strong, yet firm, soft, and moisturized hand. I will crush those who threaten our peace with said soft, lovely hand in fist-form.

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)20:37 No. 510185 ID: 4e4163
File 136841624187.png - (14.93KB , 650x650 , kingdom3.png )

Now I must build my kingdom. What makes a kingdom a kingdom? I have a monarch (me), what else do I need?

"...daddy? What's wrong with that man?"
"Just keep walking, son."

>>510185

You need subjects. Grab that child and claim him as your royal Paige boy.

You need HUGE TRACTS OF LAND, peasantry to farm said land, knights to keep the peasantry in order, and a big ol' castle to sit in and not pay attention to any of those people!

>>510185
Alright, let's get some legos.

Subjects! You require subjects! How many potential candidates for serving under your rule can you see around you?

Monarchs need minions!

You also need power. People don't obey monarchs without some might to back them up. Be it military, political, economic, you need some way to through your weight around.

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:00 No. 510202 ID: 4e4163
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>Legos
Such things are banned! Their very use is considered a war crime! I have seen strong men brought to tears by the pain inflicted by the dreaded lego brick.

>You need HUGE TRACTS OF LAND, peasantry to farm said land, knights to keep the peasantry in order, and a big ol' castle to sit in and not pay attention to any of those people!

Yes, yes, in good time. First...

>You need subjects. Grab that child and claim him as your royal Paige boy.

"YOUNG CHILD! Come, join the great kingdom of... uh..."
[small]"Ignore him, Johnny."
"But dad--"
"IGNORE HIM."

The simple man does not know GREATNESS AND OPPORTUNITY when he sees it.

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:01 No. 510203 ID: 4e4163
File 136841766830.png - (18.33KB , 650x650 , kingdom5.png )

>Subjects! You require subjects! How many potential candidates for serving under your rule can you see around you?
Hmmm...

Hey, I hear it's easier to get kids to join your cause if you have a van with 'candy' or 'ice cream' written on the side.

>>510203

Tell the children they are on your land, make sure they see the crown. Tel them of exciting new opportunities in the kingdom

get yourself some riches so you can hire knights which then can get you land and with land comes peasants, and with them comes taxes so you can gain more riches to gather more knights to get more land and so on and so forth until you have the mightiest and grandest kingdom of all time.

>>510206
This, but also make sure they aren't made aware of the backbreaking labor they'll have to endure. At least to start with.

Children make poor minions. They are disobedient, whiny, crumble faster when overworked or lacking in food or sleep, and, as the children's crusade proved, a terrible basis for a military force.

>>510211
But, They are cheap!

On the other hand, small children are prone to serving those who tower over them on the mightiest of summits! Like that metal bar cage thing there!

YESSSS Stand atop the cage. Stand tall, your royal lineage demands it!~

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:32 No. 510224 ID: 4e4163
File 136841953169.png - (12.51KB , 650x650 , kingdom6.png )

>Hey, I hear it's easier to get kids to join your cause if you have a van with 'candy' or 'ice cream' written on the side.
No! The constable isn't going to take me back again. Never.

>Tell the children they are on your land, make sure they see the crown. Tel them of exciting new opportunities in the kingdom
> This, but also make sure they aren't made aware of the backbreaking labor they'll have to endure. At least to start with.

"SMALL CHILDREN! You are on the land of THE GREATEST KING THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN, KING OF THE GREATEST KINGDOM THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN!"

That got their attention. I think. Kinda hard to tell, they've all got blank faces.

"AND YOU! YOU, SMALL CHILDREN! You can be a part of this great kingdom! If you join me, you will go down in history!"

Still blank faces. I don't think I'm getting to the lads! Maybe if...

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:32 No. 510225 ID: 4e4163
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"And my kingdom will have NO HOMEWORK! OR PARENTS! THAT'S WHAT YOU CHILDREN WANT, RIGHT?"

And now they're cheering or something! I think they're my subjects now! Hahah, kids.

"Now! Go forth and... uh..."

...I hadn't planned this far.

>>510225
We need a suitable citadel for our rule, We need them to gather the materials and construct it.

Equip them with hatchets befitting their small stature, and set them to work clearing the trees to make room for the beginnings of your glorious kingdom.

Start digging out a proper dungeon to throw would-be usurpers into. There's shovels right over there and everything. Maybe get some weapons for defense. Do any of these kids know how to work a forge?

Dig a moat. All castles need a moat

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:56 No. 510234 ID: 4e4163
File 136842098005.png - (11.29KB , 650x650 , kingdom8.png )

>Equip them with hatchets befitting their small stature, and set them to work clearing the trees to make room for the beginnings of your glorious kingdom.

Sadly, I cannot own hatchets by the law of the ILLEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT! They claim I am a "felon" and "mentally unfit"! Hah!

>We need a suitable citadel for our rule, We need them to gather the materials and construct it.
"YOU THREE! GO GET ROCKS! AND STICKS! WE WILL BUILD A FORTRESS!"

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:56 No. 510235 ID: 4e4163
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>Start digging out a proper dungeon to throw would-be usurpers into. There's shovels right over there and everything.
"TAKE THOSE SHOVELS AND REMOVE THE SAND FROM YONDER BOX!"

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)21:56 No. 510236 ID: 4e4163
File 136842101351.png - (13.48KB , 650x650 , kingdom10.png )

>Maybe get some weapons for defense. Do any of these kids know how to work a forge?
"ARE ANY OF YOU BLACKSMITHS?"
"n-no mister"
Damn.

>>510236
Quickly! Behind you! You need to prepare to repel invaders!

>>510236

Tell him you are playing make-believe.

A shovel can be a weapon in the most desperate of times. Fetch one of them to ensure your own safety while your peons continue their work.

An agent of the Illegitimate Government, Perhaps he may be of use...With him as a captive we might have some leverage against them!

See? There go those peasants. Getting all unruly. This is exactly why you need those knights and moats and dungeons and such.

If he really gives you trouble and starts going on about the government though, this might be one of those things that can be smoothed over with a marriage. Do you have any daughters lying about yet?

Let us treat him diplomatically at first. Invite him in for tea in THE CAGE. Then, when his guard is down we give the order to attack and take him prisoner! We shall bind him and leave him under guard while we gather the supplies from his vehicle!

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)22:30 No. 510247 ID: 4e4163
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"I'm tellin' ya, Dan, it's not worth the trouble! It's just that crazy guy again!"
"Look, I'll just tell him to leave, like last time. I don't feel like arresting him again--"

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)22:31 No. 510250 ID: 4e4163
File 136842310084.png - (11.99KB , 650x650 , kingdom12.png )

paf

>A shovel can be a weapon in the most desperate of times.
>With him as a captive we might have some leverage against them!

Trout 2013/05/12(Sun)22:31 No. 510251 ID: 4e4163
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>this might be one of those things that can be smoothed over with a marriage. Do you have any daughters lying about yet?
>Let us treat him diplomatically at first. Invite him in for tea in THE CAGE.

"...This was all a misunderstanding, my good sir! Please, won't you--"
"Look, Daniel. I've had a long day and I don't want to file a bunch of paperwork about how I beat some crazy's ass in the middle of a public park. Just clear out and we can all go home."

NEVER! I will not surrender my kingdom to your tyranny!

Hmmm, we must use our superior intelect and political savvy to win this day. He appears to have superior defenses and firepower, we have one choice. Kick him in the balls and flee with our most trusted subjects!

>>510253
Perhaps a more remote area such as the wilderness may serve us better, we can expand once we have attained a foothold in the area.

Place a blow on the uncouth lawman's throat with the side of the shovel. He just threatened you violence or forfeiting your kingdom, so take the initiative.

call forth your minions to strike him down!

Demand to know what law you've violated

Well your kingdom is now in need of defending. Knight a few of the larger children and call them to your aid.

...how sharp is your crown?

>>510251
...fine.

Storm off in a huff.

Wait wait wait. Go home? That's it! You've been going about this king business all wrong! You don't just FOUND a Kingdom, you inherit it from your father! Clearly the thing to do is go to where your father works and start ordering all those people around. It's so simple!

Steal his hat and car!

Trout 2013/05/26(Sun)21:20 No. 512819 ID: 52c28e
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>Kick him in the balls and flee with our most trusted subjects!

WHAP
"GGRRHGHHFUCK"

"RUN, MY SUBJECTS! RETREAT INTO THE WOODS!"

Trout 2013/05/26(Sun)21:21 No. 512820 ID: 52c28e
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"Jesus, Danny, are you okay?"
"nfffffffucking GET BACKUP. SWAT, HELICOPTERS, EVERYTHING."

Trout 2013/05/26(Sun)21:21 No. 512821 ID: 52c28e
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We have lost the battle, but we are not broken! We must regroup, and begin building fortifications. We have found the subjects with rocks, and they have enough to build ONE STRUCTURE. But where? To the EAST and SOUTH are UNEXPLORED TERRITORY, but I am afraid of my subjects' ability for travel! Thankfully all of the trees are very dense.

>>512821
Flee eastward, our destiny lies in the safety of the woods, but if we are to survive we must be near enough to civilization to benefit from it.

We must hasten to construct our stronghold where it shall not be found. Camoflage is vital. Once we are situated we may consider sending raiding parties to liberate sugary foodstuffs from the local peasant population.

>>512841
Our new Carthage shall reign supreme over this pitiful realm! East will bring profit and plunder, hence our palace should be there!

Head into the east. We must find a suitable location to construct our citadel.

go both south and east at the same time. that way, your victory will be assured.

Trout 2013/06/09(Sun)21:13 No. 515821 ID: 52c28e
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To the southeast, then! Into the deep, unexplored wilderness. The largest trees I've ever seen cast deep, cool shadows on teh ground. Here, I will find a suitable place for my kingdom!

"...m-mom told me to never go this far into the park..."

"Quiet, you."

Now what should I search for? What's the most suitable location to build my GRAND CASTLE?

Instruct the subjects to keep watch for pursuers from the ILLEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT. A fort within one of the large trees would be ideal, as we will have greater awareness, while being hidden and removed from ground-bound threats.

Attempt to call the woodland creatures to your aid, as the rightful ruler of these woods!

>What's the most suitable location to build my GRAND CASTLE?
Looming high atop a natural rock formation, obscured and protected by the trees that surround it?

real men face the unknown with courage!

>>515884

this seems smart. pick a defensible height and have your loyal followers clear out them trees.

>>515830
Don't damage the trees, that might make the woodland creatures resentful.

Some of these trees have hollows! Natural citadels, to serve as the keep of your castle! Camouflage too!

Yes, take advantage of the natural height and strength of the very trees themselves! Your kingdom shall be as that of the elves of the days of yore!