Cheesey Buttocks

strength, can bench press an elephant!

your name is Gaston Gastronic, and you specilized in agility, moving faster then your opponents and using speed to increase impact velocity of your punches

>name
Cody Starkins

>specializing in
Witty repartee.

Marco Minifridge

The ability to stare at someone so hard that they catch flame.

((SKILLS SELECTED.

Name input still required.

CODY STARKINS and MARCO MINIFRIDGE are acceptable options.

Which would you like to select?))

((Apologies, I posted from another source, forgetting my id would change. Both are me, and I will make the next post later when I am able to return to my original computer and the name vote has been decided))

>CODY STARKINS
As I came up with this name, I will vote for it!

>>510137
Don't worry about it. Variable IDs don't matter, unless you're trying to use them to stuff a vote somewhere.

>>510137
Marco Minifridge.

>>510137
Marco Motherfucking Minifridge

>>510140
Cody

marco minifridge!

I VOTE FOR MARCO MINIFRIDGE!

Eh, Minifridge seems a bit silly to me, Im going for Cody

cody

Marco Polo

Cody Starkins

Kinda cool, but not too over-the-top. It's got a nice, mild flavor.

rolled 2 = 2

---

((ERROR: NAME CANNOT BE INPUT

DETERMINING NAME...

1=CODY STARKINS
2=MARCO MINIFRIDGE))

Bread 2013/05/13(Mon)05:38 No. 510297 ID: 99d0b8
File 136844869923.jpg - (74.85KB , 750x600 , quest2.jpg )

Your name is MARCO MINIFRIDGE! You’ve been told you have a strange last name, and you can’t seem to find any record of it before your grandfather, who had no known relatives, but at least it will stand out among the countless other heroes out there!

During your training, you specialized in AGILITY. With your great speed, you deliver powerful attacks at high velocity! Real men use their FISTS and all those other heroes with their fancy swords can stuff it!

You live in ARPIGEE, a large kingdom with the highest concentration of monsters and an inexplicable tendency to be constantly in danger! Many young men and women train to become heroes in order to protect their towns and are looked on with respect and admiration. One day, you will be the best of them, and Marco Minifridge will be a household name!

LOVELY TOWN is where you have recently decided to begin your heroics. It is a small but quickly growing village a short distance from the capital city of HANOKEE. Because travelers frequently pass through on their way to and from the city and spread word of the acts of heroism they come across, it is an ideal place to become known if one can stand out among the dozens of other heroes sharing the stage.

There is no doubt in your mind that you will succeed in becoming a legend here!

Bread 2013/05/13(Mon)05:39 No. 510298 ID: 99d0b8
File 136844874669.jpg - (31.37KB , 500x500 , quest3.jpg )

… But for now, you’re a nobody living in this little shack on the edge of town because it was all you could afford after blowing all your money on that fancy hero school.

Don't worry, that's fine! Lots of heros start out with less than glamorous digs. Besides, this is just a place to sleep and maybe eat. All the good stuff is gonna take place outside these walls.

Okay, first thing we need to do is get a bed. Can't get a good nights rest without a comfy place to sleep.
Also, we should try getting food too. Now, how does a hero go about makin money?

say hi to your roommate.

its MAN-SPIDER. he will be your roommate.

Wait, you started in the town with the nastiest monsters around it? You're doing it backwards!

OK here's what you do. You narrowly escape some terrible tragedy that levels your home and your dearest friends. This coincidentally lands you in a town out in the boondocks where monsters are just beginning to show up. Then you can work your way back levelling as you go.

Bread 2013/05/13(Mon)12:53 No. 510361 ID: 99d0b8
File 136847479249.png - (241.15KB , 500x500 , quest4.png )

>>510304
Very true! If you’re going to be successful around here, you’re not going to spend very much time at home. You’ll need to build up your REPUTATION by performing heroic deeds and getting acquainted with the townsfolk! Currently, your REPUTATION LEVEL is LV 1 NEW GUY.

>>510345
Ah, you misunderstand! The kingdom of ARPIGEE, as a whole, has the highest concentration of monsters and is constantly in need of saving, whereas other regions of the continent have much less need for heroes. LOVELY TOWN is far from the most dangerous place in the kingdom, and the monsters in the surrounding area are of a suitable level for you. You’ll only need to worry once you start journeying further from town!

>>510309
Because the ground looks cold, hard, and generally unpleasant, you decide to put getting a bed on your list of immediate priorities. You should check the SHOPPING DISTRICT and maybe grab a bite to eat along the way. Purchasing your shack has left you with 1000G, which isn’t a lot, but it should be enough to at least invest in a sleeping bag until you can make some money accepting QUESTS from the town’s HERO CENTER.

>>510316
>>510343
Huh? You don’t have a roo-

Bread 2013/05/13(Mon)12:53 No. 510362 ID: 99d0b8
File 136847482025.png - (109.53KB , 500x500 , quest5.png )

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

WEAKNESS DISCOVERED: SPIDERS

its a web spinner, relax, they don't leave the web unless it's VERY important, like the web is destroyed.

>WEAKNESS DISCOVERED: SPIDERS
Quickly! Befriend a living nightmare who fights with fear as a weapon, and then tragically lose them in battle so that the very experience of your fear is blunted and transmuted more into sad nostalgia.

Go to the shopping district to buy food, the cheapest bed available, and a weapon to destroy the eight-legged horror in the corner

Suggestion 2013/05/13(Mon)15:45 No. 510403 ID: 12c19f
File 136848510784.png - (10.17KB , 128x127 , fiesta.png )

I regret nothing.

Is it perhaps time to combat your fears? with COMBAT!?

Bread 2013/05/14(Tue)16:24 No. 510739 ID: 99d0b8
File 136857385432.png - (458.78KB , 800x600 , quest6.png )

>Is it perhaps time to combat your fears? with COMBAT!?
A hero shouldn't be cowering like this! How dare that arachnid invade your home base with its ungodly number of appendages! You must fight back!

However, your only weapon currently is your FISTS. You don't want to touch the horrendous thing! Maybe there is something to all those fancy weapons other heroes have… But fists are still manlier!

>Go to the shopping district to buy food, the cheapest bed available, and a weapon to destroy the eight-legged horror in the corner

Yes... Yes, you must prepare and arm yourself! The foul beast shall be removed from your home!

It would seem the only option for now is to FLEE!

Bread 2013/05/14(Tue)16:24 No. 510740 ID: 99d0b8
File 136857388587.png - (248.04KB , 500x500 , quest7.png )

This is the TOWN MAP you scribbled on a napkin when you first came here.

You ran all the way to the SHOPPING DISTRICT!

These are the buildings you see in the area:
Item Shop
Mysterious Old House
Blacksmith
Lovely Café
Tailor
Lovely Town Inn

Where would you like to go?

Go to the Mysterious Old House!

blacksmith, get ye sword.

I second Mysterious old house

MYSTERY HOUSE

Mysterious places are hero magnets, do not resist its pull.

The first thing any prospective hero should do in the first town is check the well for secrets.

This is a well known fact.

Bread 2013/05/15(Wed)03:40 No. 510918 ID: 99d0b8
File 136861444654.png - (232.01KB , 490x470 , quest8.png )

You need to obtain a bed and something to exterminate the spider in your room, but your extreme hero-ness can not resist the magnetic pull of the mysterious old house!

The house looks older than most of the other buildings in the area, seems to be connected to some kind of workshop, and has a small, overgrown yard in front of it. It appears distinctly out of place in the middle of the shopping district. You walk up to the door, which looks like it hasn’t been moved in decades…

So you reach out to poke it.

Bread 2013/05/15(Wed)03:41 No. 510919 ID: 99d0b8
File 136861448581.png - (564.12KB , 600x1000 , quest9.png )

OHGOODGOD.

You bolt out of the yard in surprise, and the screams stop abruptly once you are off the property.

“TOUCH THAT HOUSE, AND YOU DIE.”

The awful, banshee shrieking seems to be coming from the item shop next door…

>>510919
Alright fine let's get some shopping done first. Item Shop time.

>touch and die
Oh, cool, immortality sucks anyways. So long as it's die in general, and not immediately, no problem.

touch that house.

Go to the item shop to investigate

Bread 2013/05/17(Fri)14:40 No. 511344 ID: 99d0b8
File 136882680596.png - (254.12KB , 500x500 , quest10.png )

>touch that house
For some reason, the hero magnetism of that house is overwhelming, so you decide to try to touch it one more time, despite the horrific shrieks from next door.

However, as soon as you step onto the lawn, the screaming starts up again. Wait, is it coming from behind you now-AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

After decapacitating you, the old woman promptly rushes back into the item shop next door, disappearing so quickly, you can’t get a good look at her.

>Alright fine let's get some shopping done first. Item Shop time.
This… Maybe… Maybe this instead…

Bread 2013/05/17(Fri)14:40 No. 511345 ID: 99d0b8
File 136882683203.png - (224.77KB , 500x500 , quest11.png )

After recovering on the ground for a few minutes while avoiding eye contact with passerby, you hobble into the item shop…

That crazy old woman who kicked your manhood is glaring at you from behind the counter and emanating an aura of seething, senile rage, but otherwise does not react to your entrance.

Ask her why she gave you a knee to the nads, then beat her up and steal the sleeping bag

Or politely ask her why she attacked you before buying the sleeping bag and going about your business

>>511345
Ask her if that's her house.

Ask her why we can't touch the mysterious house.
Then make mental note to buy a codpiece and return to investigate the house, possibly after dark.

Bread 2013/05/18(Sat)03:16 No. 511513 ID: 99d0b8
File 136887217716.png - (235.07KB , 500x500 , quest12.png )

> Or politely ask her why she attacked you before buying the sleeping bag and going about your business
>Ask her if that's her house
>Ask her why we can’t touch the mysterious house.



Understandably upset by her assault upon your crotch, you tentatively approach the counter and inquire about the reasoning behind the attack, prepared to hightail it if she decides to rush at you again. Perhaps the house was hers?

However, the woman only glares and hisses at you.

“Don’t touch his house, you rotten kid!”

Because you still wish to have children to carry on your heroic legacy, you decide not to push the matter any further for now and just purchase the CHEAP SLEEPING BAG for 250G, leaving you with 750G.

>Then make mental note to buy a codpiece and return to investigate the house, possibly after dark.
A codpiece...? That might be a good idea... The scene you made earlier wasn’t good for your hero image at all. Maybe you could return to investigate the house at a time when you can be more certain of your... safety.

Bread 2013/05/18(Sat)03:16 No. 511514 ID: 99d0b8
File 136887220398.png - (254.68KB , 500x500 , quest13.png )

Someone else enters the shop, and the old woman jumps up.

“PETER IS THAT YOU?!”

“No, Florence, I’m still Lovely Town’s most charming young lady, just like the last time I came in here.”

Introduce yourself to the girl, ask her what the Old Lady's problem is, and ask about Peter

whose house?

Obviously this Peter must own the house, and signs poit to him being missing, you must go on a quest to bring him home.

Unless he is dead...

Perhaps this 'Peter' is someone special to the old lady....or the old lady is just insane...

Bread 2013/05/18(Sat)15:25 No. 511590 ID: 99d0b8
File 136891593097.png - (251.41KB , 500x500 , quest14.png )

>Introduce yourself to the girl, ask her what the Old Lady's problem is, and ask about Peter
>whose house?
As she walks in, the girl takes notice of you.

“You new? Don’t worry, Florence is always like that. She’s harmless as long as you don’t touch Peter’s house.”

You introduce yourself to her and ask about the old woman and Peter, leaving out the part where you were lying on the ground crying for ten minutes.

“Marco, huh? I’m Ari, Lovely Town’s prettiest protector! Heheh…”

There is a hint of pride and playfulness in her tone, and she continues on, dropping her voice to a whisper so the old woman can’t hear.

“Anyway, I don’t know much about it since it was way before I was born, but apparently Florence’s fiancée or something used to live next door, but disappeared on some quest 50 years ago and never came back. She’s been a little crazy for as long as I can remember.”

She shrugs.

“In any case, I don’t recommend messing around over there. My brother couldn’t walk properly for a week the last time he upset her.”

With that, she continues up to the counter to ask the old woman, Florence, for some items.

You could stay here and talk to Ari some more and/or buy more items, or you could proceed through the SHOPPING DISTRICT. After all, you still haven’t found something to take care of your spider problem. What should you do?

buy some shit.

Invite Ari to come with you to the shopping district so you can flirt with her while you buy supplies

Get your mind on track and deal with that spider problem, supplies are needed. Can't impress a possible companion with your greatest weakness occupying the shack.

You know, a normal human can replicate an air cannon by throwing a punch. With his Marco's agility, he should be able to launch multiple and stronger air strikes to fumble a mere spider.

Maybe if you figure out the mystery of Peter and the house, you'll inherit it or something and have all the basic comforts available

Talk to Ari about your spider problem and invite her to go shopping with you. Then Ari's ex-boyfriend Sandy Buttknocker comes charging in all furious and stuff.

>>511648
.. what

Bread 2013/05/21(Tue)15:44 No. 511891 ID: 99d0b8
File 136917624885.png - (253.49KB , 500x500 , quest15.png )

> Invite Ari to come with you to the shopping district so you can flirt with her while you buy supplies
Ari is pretty cute, but she looks busy. You’ve only just met her, and your CHARM is of average level. It’s doubtful you could convince her to stop what she’s doing and come with you. However, flirting with her in the item shop is doable, so you make some small talk while she shops and learn that she is a MAGE, the middle child of the BLACKSMITH, and her REPUTATION LEVEL is LV4 HOMETOWN HERO. She also seems to like teasing you, and is probably the type of girl who would find it hilarious to put a spider in your bed as a joke. You make a mental note never to discuss fears with her.

>buy some shit.
>Get your mind on track and deal with that spider problem, supplies are needed. Can't impress a possible companion with your greatest weakness occupying the shack.
Thinking about your fears reminds you of the task at hand. What are you doing? The ladies will flock to you like the heroic, sexy beast you are once you’ve proven yourself here! Right now, you need to focus on getting rid of that spider and establishing yourself in this town!

So your next destination is…

Bread 2013/05/21(Tue)15:44 No. 511892 ID: 99d0b8
File 136917628251.png - (286.85KB , 600x500 , quest16.png )

… the BLACKSMITH.

Ari’s family owns this place.

… And she obviously must take after her mother.

You specialize in AGILITY and rely mostly on SPEED in combat. While you did take some basic training in weapons, you are most skilled in fighting with your FISTS. However, you don’t want to touch the nefarious arachnid in your dwelling, and you concede that it might still be a good idea to have some kind of weapon on hand, just in case, though FISTS are still, by far, the most manly weapon available.

It would probably be best for you to stick to something light and easy to use. A heavy weapon will lower your SPEED, and though with practice you could become efficient at a weapon you are unfamiliar with, that would take time to learn and lower your performance until you can get the hang of it.

With your remaining 750G, you can’t afford much, but you see two weapons within your budget:

SMALL KNIFE – 300G
SMALL DAGGER – 550G

ask if the knife will break if you try to deflect a larger sword with it, if so then go for dagger. if not then get the knife

>>511892
Couldn't we just buy a flyswatter for the spider and go for a more unarmed combat style, maybe get some gauntlets or strong gloves to protect our fists and power up our attacks?

I don't think stabbing at a tiny spider with a knife is going to work all that well...

...what's the difference between the knife and dagger?

Anyways, get the cheaper one. It's just a tool, for cutting things when punching won't suffice. Even the most determined pugilist needs practical tools.

>>511899
knives are probably smaller. and that is why i asked if i will break on a deflect. you ever try blocking a sword with your hand? not pretty.

The hero is SPEED based, he should be trying to dodge instead of blocking incoming attacks.
That said... I'm of the opinion we should just have a knife. Our MAIN weapons are our fists, anyhow.

Buy the knife and then ask the blacksmith if he has any light armor

>>511916

Hmm, good idea, but we don't need a full set of armor to deal with the nefarious arachnid. We could just get some gloves. That would also help us with punching!

Ask what the difference between the two is.

ask if he has a stick or just grab a bunch of rocks from the streets, save your money

buy neither. do they have gloves or gauntlets?

Bread 2013/05/22(Wed)17:27 No. 512090 ID: 99d0b8
File 136926885441.png - (237.00KB , 500x500 , quest17.png )

This is an important decision, and you can’t make up your mind!

You ask the blacksmith a few questions and learn that the SMALL KNIFE is fairly durable and should be able to withstand a decent amount, though the SMALL DAGGER is a little stronger and slightly bigger.

You also ask about gloves, and he shows you the following item:

LEATHER GLOVES – 300G

Small knife and see what the options are for armor

I say we grab the gloves as our weapon, we already have a FISTS proficiency.

That spider won't stand a chance!

>>512094
Can't punch that shit. Too creepy.

Get knife and gloves. Cut spider.

>>512095
have you ever tried to stab a spider with a knife? it is not the easiest of tasks....

>>512090
Gloves.

Buy the knife and gloves, then go back to the shack and STOMP on the spider with your manly shoes!

Why settle for anything else than fists, let's just get the gloves and be done here.

get the gloves.

Get the dagger

Bread 2013/05/27(Mon)16:02 No. 512972 ID: 99d0b8
File 136969576123.png - (233.24KB , 500x500 , quest18.png )

You purchase the LEATHER GLOVES and SMALL KNIFE, leaving you with 150G!

They’re not exactly spider extermination tools, but they fill you with so much confidence, you feel you could punch a hundred spiders in the face with your manly FISTS!

Now that your shopping is done, you could explore the town some more or go home for the day and unleash your unbridled fury upon the eight-legged home invader in the shack.

What now?

It is time to realize your destiny and face your greatest of foes.

PUNCH THAT SPIDER IN THE FACE!

 

Congratulations, you now look like a true level 1 JRPG protagonist.

Stab that spider.

Every hero has a fear, attack that fear, ATTACK!

We shall hit more powerfully with our fists!
Punch of the Minifridge GOOOOOOOO!

Run back to your shack to annihilate the spider, only to find out that he was friendly all along and wants to join your party

pick up that spider and stroke its hair gently

spiders are actually pretty nice people once you get to know them

Bread 2013/06/06(Thu)21:03 No. 514931 ID: 99d0b8
File 137057779352.png - (239.69KB , 500x500 , quest19.png )

Filled with righteous fury, you charge back to your house to face the foul beast!

Your SPIDER RESISTANCE has increased! You are still afraid of spiders, but the fear will no longer cause you to immediately flee at the sight of one!

“S-SPIDER, PREPARE TO-"

Bread 2013/06/06(Thu)21:10 No. 514937 ID: 99d0b8
File 137057824323.png - (117.70KB , 500x500 , quest20-2.png )

Huh?

Um. Hello? Who are you, and why are you in my house?

Girl is friendly with spider, the friend of my enemy is an enemy, initiate combat, take out the spider first!

she seems naive, perhaps she never learned the ferocity of spiders! she is little afterall. get her away from the foul beast and ask her what she is doing here.

Get distracted and ask the little girl what she is doing in your home.

say hi.

Protect the unsuspecting maiden from the insidious danger that is the arachnid!

>>514937
Wait a second wasn't she that girl from >>510739

She is obviously the Master of Spiders in a human disguise - Run screaming from the shack and find a new place to live

Disregard those suggestions obviously intended to make you react in an insane way such as accusing her of being in legion with the spider (because, seriously, that'd be simply insane).

Instead ask her what she's doing.

Bread 2013/06/27(Thu)03:40 No. 519749 ID: 99d0b8
File 137232960261.png - (229.98KB , 500x500 , quest21.png )

You are extremely confused. The little girl also looks extremely confused.

To clear up this mutual confusion, you ask her what she’s doing in your house, keeping an eye on the hideous beast beside her as you do. She looks at you nervously then responds, "Finding buggies."

SHE IS TOUCHING IT. SHE IS TOUCHING THE SPIDER. THIS IS HORRIFYING.

>>519749
...Freak out?

OH GOD NO
THE HORROR
THE UNNATURAL TERRIFYING ELDRITCH HORROR
GOD WHY

>>519749
Make a disgusted face and warn her that it might bite her and she should drop it so you can eliminate the horrifying spider threat!

Remain calm and ask her to take the spider outside

oh. okay. cool. carry on then.

Do not freak out, do not freak out, STAY CALM MAN!

Panic

>Finding buggies
Oh. Um. Okay. Finders keepers. It's all yours.

(If the crazy girl takes the spider, you don't have to get any on your hands killing it!)

>>519783
But then we won't get the XPs and LOOOOT

>>519838

but he will get to be not an asshole. because spiders are great and killing them is terrible.

Wait a second, I just had a brilliant Idea. She collects bugs right? she must be able to tame them somehow! If we add her to the party she can prevent anything like this from happening again AND we may be able to get shared XP from every bug she tames! (If xp is gained from taming as well as killing)

Think about it! A bug tamer could come in handy. I mean what would we do if we encountered, god forbid, A GIANT spider!?