FORSOOTH

I knew him, Horatio.

Also alack.

this is where we find out that it's a real man wearing a horse head

melodrama 2012/08/18(Sat)18:32 No. 444970 ID: bbee3d
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My father warned me against the voices. Ignore them, he said, for they are tricky and full of mischief.

But my troubles have forced me to call upon you, for alas, I have been smitten by LOVE!

listen here eeyor, don't be so down. Turn that frown upside down.

I'm really not a lass, it's just a dress.

First you have to measure your enormous horse dong. It must be up to spec or we cannot advise.

we are fickle yes but we do our best at the task given.

Love? Don't worry Eeyore! Getting people together is kind of a hobby of ours. We're quite good at it, sometimes usually.

You fool. Ok, we need to find a way to dispose of your heart before all is lost. It's the only proven method of dealing with love.

>>444970
Nick Bottom, is that you? This is what you get for troubling fairies.

>>444970
Alright, who is it that you're in love with?

melodrama 2012/08/18(Sat)19:02 No. 444995 ID: bbee3d
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My father tried to get rid of his heart. But alas, it killed him! Already, I begin to suspect your advice.

I am in love with no fairy. No, nothing so trivial! I am in love with the most splendid being in the world, a creature of infinite grace and beauty…

But this brings me only sorrow, for my love is Royal, and I am most certainly not.

Ok, so we just need to get rid of HER heart, and then she won't turn you down despite you being all horribly common!

PROBLEM SOLVED

Arrange for her to be kidnapped, then win her heart by rescuing her from those nefarious brigands who you had capture her.

>>444995
Love is an emotional bond based on a deep commonality of desire. Have you spoken to this beautiful royal creature and professed your feelings, or are we talking about lust and adoration rather than love itself?

She is beautiful! Have you ever spoken to her? What are you good at that is impressive? (Can we woo her heart with your poetry or song? Can you bring people to tears with your acting?)

melodrama 2012/08/18(Sat)20:09 No. 445028 ID: bbee3d
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We have been friends since childhood, for my love is kindhearted and cares little for the disparity of our stations. We have spoken often…

But how could I profess my feelings for one of Royal lineage when I have no title, no fortune, no lands to my name? At least none worth mentioning. I am somewhat skilled in rowing and carpentry, but these are ordinary skills at best. Even if I were capable of an act of valor, such as you describe, a single act would not make me a worthy suitor.

A thousand times has my devotion urged me to open my heart to the one I love, and a thousand thousand times has shame sealed my lips.

>>445028
Rowing and carpentry... sounds like you've worked below decks in a ship.

ask the king for a quest! say that you will do ANYTHING. and that if you fail you shall forever stay silent. if he has a quest that REALLY needs doing, such as dragon slaying, he loses nothing to send you on it and if you do manage it you totally earned a title.

What do her parents think of her interacting with a lower class? What do they think of you? If you do not think a single act would make you suitable, how many do you think you would need? A dozen? A hundred? A thousand?
Are there any other "worthy suitors" that vie for her heart?

Dude just tell her how you feel. If she likes you too then y'all can think of how to overcome the class difference together. If she doesn't like you then going out and doing quests or whatever isn't going to help with that.

Well, your options are basically to open up to her anyways, and hope she feels something similar, and cares for you more than your station.

The alternative is to go on an adventure and earn status worthy of her.

Come on, adventure is basically the best thing ever. Dooo eeeet.

Thine prize, with value of such ponderous heft, is more esteemed to thee than the most lustrous of jewels. Yet thou canst express it thus without the horrors of thine incongruity to harbor abomination?

Into one of moral decrepitude, ye must convert, to seize endearment of thine hallowed bride. A sack becomes ye, and with it, ye shall snare that which belongs not to you. Take thine rapturous affection, and onto thine precious one, thou shalt force it.