idiom. also ford the river

Cirr, get in here!

I'm stuck between Trout and Ed Pastry...

AVE GARUDA

You, obviously, Trout. Why would it be anybody else?

>>428033
This will be a short turn

Ed Pastry, because The End is cool

trout

Troot

Idiom.

WHY IS IT THAT I DREW THE DEFFTANK, THE BIKER, AND THE CARAVAN AND I DON'T GET PUT ON THE LIST. I AM SAD AND SLIGHTLY UNOFFENDED, BECAUSE IF I GOT OFFENDED OVER THAT SHIT IT WOULD SHOW OTHERS NEED TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS FOR ME.

I AM NOT MAD.

>>428136
hahahah

Ed Pastry!

>>428136
You did not get put on the starter list because you were not in the irc chat in the 20 minutes between asking for participants and the list of volunteers becoming unwieldy for a starting list but presumably you can be picked up. It was maybe not the best method, but if we always waited until all the ideas were good ideas, this would never have started in the first place.

Trout

The voting is over, and TROUT has been selected! He shall update at least once before the day is out, or he will be killed where he stands.

Trout 2012/07/02(Mon)14:07 No. 428231 ID: 99090a
File 134126323504.png - (8.81KB , 700x700 , caravan1.png )

Your name is Trout and apparently you're now a wheelman for the entire internet.

You are a Barely Competent Quest Author, Talented Driver, and Skilled Cook. Your inventory includes ONE LAPTOP, ONE TABLET, ASSORTED SPICES, $2,000, an AVERAGE RV, and THE ESSENTIALS.

There are a few quest authors that live nearby, the closest choice being Idiom Alpha. But honestly you could go anywhere!

You're a bit low on funds at the moment. You could probably get quite a bit more by letting England Hat commission you, but you're loathe to do that. He'll probably make you draw horrible smut of all of your characters being violated by his fursona.

Trout 2012/07/02(Mon)14:07 No. 428232 ID: 99090a
File 134126325041.png - (11.99KB , 700x700 , caravan2.png )

Anyway, you're going to have to get some things at the store before you leave. Or, I guess, if you really wanted to, you could throw caution to the wind and just go right now!

Food: $10
Dragon Dildoes: $100
Blankets: $10
Ropes: $5
Cooking stuff: $20
First Aid Kits: $20
Displacer Rockets: $50
Clothes: $10
Rifle: $300
Ammo: $5
Wagon Tongues: $20
Fursuits: $100
Vehicle parts: $50
Smut: $5
Demesi Dolls: $5
Gasoline: $6
Oxen: $20
Grandfather Clocks: $500

Other things are available on request!

Buy two grandfather clocks, thirteen and a half oxen, a dragon dildo, two demesi dolls, and spend the rest on food and wagon tongues.

>>428232
10 fursuits and dragon dildoes. Sell them to England Hat along with horrible smut for a ridiculous markup.

Is caulk included in THE ESSENTIALS? If yes, good, if not, request some.

you need ropes to tie up stuff and gas to go with. a displacer rocket should be able to handle anything you run into, except wild toozles. need some smut to take care of those.

Well you CLEARLY need at least one grandfather clock!

You also should always travel with at least 50' of rope, and ideally some iron spikes and a 10' pole, but I don't see those on the list.

Cooking stuff is also pretty important since apparently cooking is a thing you do.

I'm tempted to suggest going Oregon Trail style, buying a rifle and ALL OF THE BULLETS instead of any food, but there's that stupid waiting period and that'll just take too long. Plus other jerks already shot all the bison. So... yeah, buy some food.

You shouldn't need to buy clothes for the trip, unless you're some kinda nudist. Come to think of it, Oregon Trail is really quite creepy in that regard! You should bring a few spare changes of clothes though.

Vehicle parts are always nice to have... and honestly, what with the price of gas these days, there's a lot to be said for getting some oxen and wagon tongues.

I'd also suggest a pad of graph paper and some pencils, for making maps.

>>428232
food,rifle, cooking stuff, ammo,ropes and all the gasoline you can buy

Purchase thirty nine (39) Displacer Rockets with $1,900.
Attach them to the RV.

No clothes, we want everybody naked.
Purchase one (1) blanket, to wear as a cape, for $10.
Purchase four (4) oxen for $80, slaughter them for meat when necessary.
Purchase two (2) ropes for $10. Always have rope.

I think that should be all our funds and all we need, let's get this shit moving.

sell your shirt.

>>428245
Thirty eight (38) Displacer Rockets. My mistake.

>>428245

This. You should threaten everyone you meet with displacer rockets. Engage in diplomacy with displacer rockets. Engage in combat with displacer rockets. Hunt Bison with displacer rockets. Propel your caravan with displacer rockets. Do everything with displacer rockets.

This will result in the annihilation of all non-Tozol you encounter, and convert any Tozol into naked Tozol. It's win-win.

Bahu 2012/07/02(Mon)15:47 No. 428285 ID: d6ae01
File 134126923703.jpg - (52.25KB , 640x468 , 367.jpg )

Why is there any debate here at all.

>>428285
I Concur go with this!

Trout 2012/07/02(Mon)17:50 No. 428344 ID: 99090a
File 134127662487.png - (10.66KB , 700x700 , caravan3.png )

Okay. Wow. That is a lot of rockets. You now have one (1) BLANKET CAPE, thirty-eight (38) DISPLACER ROCKETS, four (4) OXEN, and two (2) ropes. No food or anything. Thankfully, THE ESSENTIALS include just over a week's worth of clothes and enough gas and food to last for a few days! There is no way you are going naked. Not around these creeps.

Trout 2012/07/02(Mon)17:50 No. 428345 ID: 99090a
File 134127665389.png - (171.63KB , 724x800 , caravan4.png )

Now, for the best part: Driving all the way to Santa Cruz to pick up Idiom Alpha and add him to your CREW ROSTER. You are currently near LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.

Trout 2012/07/02(Mon)17:51 No. 428346 ID: 99090a
File 134127666732.png - (14.88KB , 700x700 , caravan5.png )

...God DAMN, Interstate 5 is BORING. It's a straight line! It goes straight through nothing for HOURS! And those four smelly-ass OXEN in the back aren't helping anything! You have to find something to do, or your SAN meter will start dropping!

Smelly-ass oxen in the back. Need something to do. I'm sure you can put two and two together.

call our target and tell him we're coming to get him.

Bored? Time for a rocket.

>>428351
Satanic ritual?

better idea, turn on the radio

Execute a silly montage.

Strap two rockets to the back to go ROCKET SPEED fast!

make... an oxen rocket. that will be awesome.

>>428443
Have it pull the car!

have the oxen eat a rocket
instant meat fireworks
who needs sanity anyway

Turn on cruise control and go do poses in the bathroom mirror. On the way back to it, collect and throw any manure that's accumulated at other drivers.

>>428426
But then the time fuses will blow and damage our RV!

it's cool. sanity is for chumps.

Use your phone's web browser and speech recognition software to pester IRC people as you drive. Periodically apologize for all your mooing.

Trout 2012/07/03(Tue)13:53 No. 428663 ID: 99090a
File 134134882263.png - (21.98KB , 700x700 , caravan6.png )

Pfft, you only WISH your phone had voice recognition like that. But still! IRC is a good idea! And not even dangerous, considering that this highway is seriously just a straight line holy shit. You turn cruise control on and occasionally press the ROCKET button whenever a car's going too slow for your tastes. You're not going to strap one of the rockets to an oxen, though. You paid good money for them.

<Colour> Yes, but the income gap is something that needs to be accounted for
<Lagotrope> Bardic Kobold Update
<Trout> IDIOM
<Seven01a19> Is the Tekkit server up?
sharah yiffs Numbers
<Lagotrope Unnatural Selection Update
<Trout> IDIOM WHERE ARE YOU
<BritishHat> Trout about that thing you were going to draw for me
<Lagotrope> Unnatural Selection Update
<Trout> Now is not the time, Hat!
<IdiomAlpha> Trout!
<Lagotrope> Asteroid Thread End
<Lagotrope> Asteroid Thread Begin
<Trout> I'm about three hours away from you, Idiom! Get your shit together, we're goin on an adventure.
<dragoneyes> lol
<dragoneyes> what kind of adventure
<dragoneyes> u guys are gonna suck each other off lol
<Lagotrope> Asteroid Update
<IdiomAlpha> Okay okay three hours jeez
<Trout> Oh, yeah, and update my quest for me while you're at it.
<Lagotrope> Bardic Kobold Update
<IdiomAlpha> OKAY

Radio sounds good! Is there anything in particular that you want to listen to?

...You should probably deal with the sirens and stuff behind you.

use rocket on the siren

Displacer the siren. If cops turn out to be (enraged, nekkid) Tozols, use Skilled Cook Skills to prepare an oxen-based distraction.

>>428689
change my vote to this

>>428663
Write "QUEST BUS HAS NO BRAKES" on a sign and stick it out the window.

Signal to the party animals behind you that you want to race.

And too bad you can't pick up dragoneyes. He sounds like a real fun guy.

Oxen: Launch manure out the back of the RV onto the cop's window.

>>428706
Oxen manure or rockets... tell those flashy lights to piss off.

Oxen manure fueled rockets

You'd better pull over, to see what the nice policeman wants.

We don't have any backwards-facing rockets! Deploy a manure slick!

I know I often misspell things, but if you are going to fake an IRC then sir please don't have me saying something grammatically crude as <u> instead of <you>. Anyways I vote we throw one of our oxen at the siren, or displace that works too.

i agree with a manure distraction, because everyone knows that poop is always, always funny

Trout 2012/07/04(Wed)18:48 No. 429092 ID: 99090a
File 134145289550.png - (13.02KB , 700x700 , caravan7.png )

Man you do NOT want to deal with those fucking oxen or anything that comes out of them. You'll just launch another displacer!

Haha, take that, you hardworking member of the California Highway Patrol! That'll teach you to enforce the law around here!

You're sure nothing bad could ever possibly come of this.

Trout 2012/07/04(Wed)18:49 No. 429093 ID: 99090a
File 134145294544.png - (1.07MB , 1023x757 , caravan8.png )

Well! It's been a few long hours of driving, but after a quick hop across the 152, you're finally 20 minutes away from Idiom! You've never met anyone from the internet before! You have his address, how should you pick him up?

>>429093
Wait until Idiom goes asleep and drive through the wall of his house and park right over his bed, honk to wake him up then tell him to get in.

>>429093

With a contract signing over all your worldly possessions.

dismantle one of the rockets and fashion crude but attractive armor
ride in on oxen
scoop idiom into your arms and share several minutes of vaguely uncomfortable but penis-tingling-ly intense eye contact
ride into sunset

You have to pull in with as much fanfare as possible. Hold down the horn starting a full 60s away. If possible, get the oxen to join in in chorus. Then come flying in at top speed, destroy his yard by pulling in with a 180 degrees fishtail turn, and fire a displacer, removing the front wall of his home. He'll be better able to notice your arrival and have quicker access to your vehicle this way.

Take off all of your clothes besides your cloak (which is obviously included in THE ESSENTIALS). Park across the street from his house without alerting him. Then exit your vehicle calmly, cross the street after looking both ways, and dive in through his window. Find him and introduce yourself, then forcibly abduct him.

You may also wear a hat and/or mask in addition to the cloak, at your discretion.

>>429095
Do this.

Displace his door, park in his living room.

>>429213
Oh hey guys, I'm actually just over Highway 17, like literally a 35-40 minute drive away from IdiomAlpha.

If you dare brave 17, you can pick me up in south San Jose. I may not be an artist... but, well, I'm close by at least!

I also might be able to finance an extra ox or two. Or drive a second car.

>>429095
this, also find a way to cross the ocean, there are artist even here in europe

>>429095
Gotta agree with this.

Trout 2012/07/05(Thu)13:31 No. 429278 ID: 99090a
File 134152030948.png - (8.43KB , 700x700 , caravan9.png )

>>429222
Oh! Looks like Kalt wants to get picked up too. You add him to the roster of POTENTIAL CARAVANEERS.

>>429097
Shush, you.

Trout 2012/07/05(Thu)13:32 No. 429279 ID: 99090a
File 134152034162.png - (16.55KB , 700x700 , caravan10.png )

So apparently Idiom lives in a big ol' mountiany forest somewhere. Cool. It only took you an hour to maneuver the RV up to the prime position above his home, but now you have to wait until he goes to bed. At like 3 in the morning. Fuck. Oh well, at least you have IRC to whittle away the long boring hours of sitting around doing nothing!

<Lagotrope> Unnatural Selection Update
<BritishHat> I'll give you $20 more if the bird is also naked
<IdiomAlpha> Trout
<IdiomAlpha> That's not you in the RV perched above my house is it
<Lagotrope> Asteroid Update
<Trout> ...nooooo.
<IdiomAlpha> Okay!
<BritshHat> Hey Slinkoboy, how much would I have to pay you to draw porn of my leffy ran?
<Slinkoboy> ...not much

Trout 2012/07/05(Thu)13:32 No. 429280 ID: 99090a
File 134152036106.png - (10.82KB , 700x700 , caravan11.png )

...It's time.

Trout 2012/07/05(Thu)13:33 No. 429281 ID: 99090a
File 134152038723.png - (24.83KB , 700x700 , caravan12.png )

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Trout 2012/07/05(Thu)13:33 No. 429282 ID: 99090a
File 134152042820.png - (124.32KB , 700x700 , caravan13.png )

*CRASH!*
*HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK*

"Idiom! Get the fuck in the RV! I'll drive, you sit around and be useless!"
"Wh--"
"GET IN THE RV IDIOM."

Idiom Alpha has joined the Caravan! As such, he is now in control of the caravan, and you are now in control of him.

Trout I love you.

Oh sweet child, I am laughing unto tears.

Idiom, make this bozo take a flaw. Then pack up your shit and get in the RV

drive to Hawaii.

Idiom, obviously you need to berate praise Trout for his horrible wonderful decision to destroy your home pick you up in an expedient and fantastic manner.

Voice your discontent flattery from atop one of the oxen.

WHO IS NEXT?! WHO IS NEARBY??

Claim the Hero Cape, as you are now the protagonist.

By any means necessary.

>>429309
Larro.

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/05(Thu)17:09 No. 429326 ID: 067a04
File 134153337837.png - (75.32KB , 600x600 , caravan14.png )

You are now me, Idiom Alpha, and you don't know what the fuck.

You are a Psuedo-Prettyboy, a noted collector of both Mental Illnesses and Ears, a somewhat shitty Artist, a Hack Writer, and Certainly Full Of Yourself. You're sure you're probably More Things, too, but you can't think of them while this abomination is in eyesight!

"WHAT ARE YOU, FOUL MONSTROSITY? WHAT DO YOU WANT OF ME? WHY DO YOU CALL ME IDIOM, MY NAME IS OBVIOUSLY J-"

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/05(Thu)17:10 No. 429327 ID: 067a04
File 134153341508.png - (215.68KB , 600x600 , caravan15.png )

Oh, it's just Trout. "Hello, Trout!"

"S'up."

"Caravan time?"

"Caravan time."

FUCK YEAH.

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/05(Thu)17:12 No. 429330 ID: 067a04
File 134153356971.png - (54.21KB , 600x600 , caravan16.png )

>>429320

Done. Trout was powerless to resist.

>>429303

Right, time to get your MOUNTAINS OF SUPPLIES out of your CARAVAN LARDER, and- oh what this larder is empty as all fuck!

IDIOM'S INVENTORY:

-1 THE ESSENTIALS
1 LAPTOP ELECTRONIC WIFE
1 SET OF CLOTHES
1 LIFE SAVINGS (20$)
11 MENTAL ILLNESSES
34 EARS

Shit, Idiom has no STUFF! Caravans need STUFF! Luckily, you do know where you can get some. KALT lives only a short drive south, and you're sure he could be.. Persuaded to part with some of his STUFF. But LARRO awaits in the north! Persuading KALT will be easy, but that's wasting time that LARRO might not have! Of course, caravanning without STUFF could be potentially EXTREMELY GODDAMN DEADLY FOR EVERYONE.

What should Idiom do?

>>429321
upvote larro

Steal Kalt's things, leave him behind.

>>429335
this, but feel guilt

>>429335
Don't forget either to take his house with you or blow it up, depending on which is easier.

Bonus points if you do it when he is right outside the house.

Rush to Larro, he's got buckets of money

Trout 2012/07/05(Thu)17:45 No. 429356 ID: 99090a
File 134153551545.png - (7.26KB , 700x700 , chart.png )

We're gonna go visit Kalt, that's what we're going to do. He has money and we don't since I spent it all on missiles for some reason. Just look at this chart I made just now.

And give me my cape back, you dick.

>>429356
Don't be silly Trout, only the current CARAVAN LEADER can wear the HERO CAPE.

>>429330
Go get Kalt and more importantly his STUFF.

Kalt, you need stuffs.

Combine the MENTAL ILLNESSES with the EARS to get ye MINIONS OF MADNESS

You need stuff dude, go to kalt.

Take all of your ears, make a sculpture out of it, and go down to San Fransisco to loved to death and sell it.

Larro has lesbians, go get Larro!

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/06(Fri)18:39 No. 429765 ID: 067a04
File 134162518729.png - (51.12KB , 600x600 , caravan17.png )

Later that night, at Kalt's house.

*knock knock*

"Oh? Who could that be, at this hour?"

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/06(Fri)18:40 No. 429768 ID: 067a04
File 134162525985.png - (145.09KB , 600x600 , caravan18.png )

"WHAT"

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/06(Fri)18:43 No. 429770 ID: 067a04
File 134162539642.png - (107.55KB , 600x600 , caravan19.png )

Acquired 1 KALT'S EVERYTHING!

You're on the road to LARRO!

>>429337

Nonsense, your SANITY is too low to feel any REMORSE OVER YOUR TERRIBLE ACTIONS.

>>429356

NOPE.

You're bored, and TROUT'S SNORING is extremely annoying! It's filling up your RAGE METER like nobody's business. He's certainly earned his rest, but still, you might wanna shut him up before your RAGE METER is completely topped off, or else SOMETHING BAD might happen.

How are you going to deal with both your BOREDOM and TROUT'S SNORING?

hmmm.. stop him cause you guys dropped kalt. need to pick him back up and move trout into the house. kalt will drive now.

Put Trout to bed in Kalt's house, make Kalt provide "entertainment" as you drive. All problems solved!

someone ding me on IRC when the caravan reaches the great lakes area

Very carefully move the sleeping Trout out of the driver's seat. Place his sleeping form in an embarrassing manner with one of the oxen. Wait for the inevitable horrified hilarity when he awakens in the morning.

Stop and recover Kelt's mangled corpse. Try not to back up over it. Then Kelt's corpse can drive, or if you wish, be used to compound your bestiality prank with necrophilia.

Remove Trout from wheel, take over driving.
After all if he's asleep he can't rocket-displace things in your way, and that is an issue.

Lightly grill him with butter, add salt and pepper to taste?

what is with all the cannibals in here? also to alleviate boredom draw on Trouts face

>>429780
Its only cannibalism if you're eating your own species. Trout is obviously some type of fish, therefore it is not cannibalism.

Can we NOT eat me? And I don't even snore that much!

Uh, I mean... ZZZzzzzzz...

>>429772
That'd be solved if they didn't just run over me!

Geez. What jerks, I don't even usually fall out of my house when I open the door. I bet they made me.

>>429800
(Also thanks for the cameo!)

>>429701
this

>>429800
You fell out the back! They can still stop and pick you up!

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/07(Sat)18:50 No. 430065 ID: 067a04
File 134171224546.png - (93.69KB , 600x600 , caravan20.png )

>>429776
>>429772
>>429771
>>429775

Done. TROUT has now been put to bed on KALT'S HOUSE.

KALT has been recovered, and his UNCONSCIOUS AND POSSIBLY DEAD BODY is now the DESIGNATED DRIVER!

Hm? What's that up ahead?

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/07(Sat)18:51 No. 430067 ID: 067a04
File 134171227068.png - (71.36KB , 600x600 , caravan21.png )

What? A police blockade? What would the hardworking members of the California Highway Patrol want with you? Unless... They know.

How are you going to get out of this one, Idiom?

See if Kalt's Stuff includes anything to help. Otherwise there are always those missiles.

THROW EARS UNTIL THEY GO AWAY

>>430067
Use Kalt's house as a battering ram and go through the blockade.

>>430067
fire more rockets

>>430070
But Trout's up there!

>>430067
It is clearly the case that they know. You should immediately execute the contingency.

>>430071

Rockets, obviously. No blockade will work if you displace it.

Make sure you fire one of the side mounted ones, and not one sitting under Kalt's house.

Displace!

Idiom first you magnificent bastard I love your creative hilarity, and for the second thing, yeah displace.

displace

Rockets

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/08(Sun)18:03 No. 430355 ID: 067a04
File 134179581301.png - (108.24KB , 600x600 , caravan22.png )

>>430068
>>430071
>>430078
>>430106
>>430134
>>430221
>>430222

What? Idiom, are you experiencing your FALSE MEMORY SYNDROME for the first time again?

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/08(Sun)18:04 No. 430356 ID: 067a04
File 134179584172.png - (60.16KB , 600x600 , caravan23.png )

You already sold all your ROCKETS to afford the BADASS EXPLOSION in >>429327! You'll have to find another way to deal with this problem.

Let me reiterate: Use Kalt's house as a battering ram and drive through the blockade.

...

Commit seppuku in an attempt to regain your lost honor after shamefully selling our damn rockets!

(I mean, come on, we only even got to blow up one thing. And we never got to any naked Tozol! Jerk.)

Let's play chicken.
Charge the line and hope they move.

all of them? how the fuck could you fence all of trout's rockets that fast?

Do we have another BADASS EXPLOSION, if not then as you come up on the barricade, throw an oxen down in front of them and use it as a ramp to jump on of the cars.

See that one car on the side there? It's at juuuust the right angle to use as a ramp and JUMP it.

Alternatively, just pull over all casual like and say "Evening officers, what seems to be the problem?

Or both!

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/09(Mon)21:22 No. 430747 ID: 067a04
File 134189414419.png - (121.09KB , 600x600 , caravan24.png )

>>430365
>>430364
>>430361

FUCK YEAH.

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/09(Mon)21:28 No. 430751 ID: 067a04
File 134189448659.png - (210.72KB , 1280x800 , caravan25.png )

>>430360
>>430362

Hey, it was worth it. I mean, you got twelve whole dollars. Anyway, since it matters so much, you big babies. you'll go, via your electronic wife, to check out your favorite website for business dealings and see if you can find some replacement rockets.

CURRENT FUNDS: 20$

INVENTORY OF INTEREST: KALT'S UNCONSCIOUS BODY, KALT'S EVERYTHING, KALT'S BLOOD, OXEN

Can I get your desktop it looks like it could be interesting.

Those prices are outright ridiculous! Look at the markup on organs! And apparently immigrants are worth twice as much if you knock them unconscious first!

Plus, there's no per-unit cost for blood? What gives!

Anyway, Kalt alone is worth enough rockets to last at least the rest of the trip. You can probably get a way better deal on everything else if you keep shopping around.

We only have one Kalt, last I remember we had four oxen.
Knock out an ox and sell it, and buy some Icenselay Atesplay, when you get the chance.
... In the mean time, where are we even going next? Larro?

Click to see why they are so legitimate, if you understood why, maybe you could start your own business.

>>430773
Oxen definitely have bodies and can definitely be unconscious. This is the best plan.

>>430784
this

>>428364
Hey what is that song?

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/11(Wed)19:45 No. 431382 ID: 067a04
File 134206111262.png - (61.58KB , 600x600 , caravan26.png )

>>430778

It's just a bunch of stuff saying that Legitimate Business will send Legitimate Businessmen to Legitimately Request Their Due Funds under the threat of Painful Legitimacy if you should break one of their Legitimate Unwritten Rules, such as cheating their Entirely Legitimate System by selling them an UNCONSCIOUS OX for 2,000$ blah blah balh boring shit.

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/11(Wed)19:47 No. 431384 ID: 067a04
File 134206127337.png - (53.39KB , 600x600 , caravan27.png )

>>430773
>>430784
>>430824

Good idea! Transaction complete!

With all of these BOXES FULL OF LEGITIMATE CURRENCY, the caravan's FUNDS have been increased to 2020$!

>>431382
If the machine guns come with ammo, buy guns, kill Legitimate Businessmen, loot, repeat.

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/11(Wed)19:49 No. 431386 ID: 067a04
File 134206135678.png - (85.38KB , 600x600 , caravan28.png )

It's almost time to pick up LARRO! He'll be waiting at THE SIZZLER'S NEAR FRESNO, SINCE HE CAN'T GO TO THE CHINESE PLACE ANYMORE.

You don't know how to pick up anyone, or for that matter, how to socially interact at all! You're a lonely, crazy, miserable little bastard!

How should Idiom pick up LARRO?

Find the ones who bought the rockets and knock them out then sell them to the Legitimate Business men. They ripped you off, worst yet they were probably working for The Man

>>431386
Use your finest pick-up lines.

Oh come on, this is the easiest thing ever to do when you don't know something.

Check the Internet for tips on picking up men. Follow tips with reckless abandon.

Offer him candy.

>>431387

Yes, the best form of business to betray everyone you previously did business with so you never have to actually give up any stuff. Plus you can regain your honor, your missiles, and loot additional awesome explosions, stuff, and monies.

You should order Larro from the Sizzler. Force them to catch him, lightly grill him, and wrap him up in a to-go box.

This IS the Internet.

Arrive clad only in the blood of men and the tears of women. Hump his walls, plunder his village, and burn his women.

After you identify Larro, wait until there is no one around, cars or otherwise, and sneak up behind him with someone else and knock him out and obstruct his vision with a garbage bag or something, then drag him into Kalt's house and tie him to a chair and then start interrogating him where he left the money if he tell you where it is demand he tells you where the rest of it is and after a brief period of time lock him in a room without a window. Finally, try to go the entire duration of the caravan with Larro thinking he's been kidnapped.

Crash into the sizzlers with the bus, that will by two places larro can't go anymore. Make it as EPIC as possible, with sunglasses.

>>431386
Buy some DISPLACER ROCKETS and some XENOS.

The best way to pick up Larro is to kidnap his girlfriend and threaten to COVER HER WITH POLLEN so they can't hug anymore unless he joins the caravan.
It'll all work out; Larro's quests always do!

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/14(Sat)12:24 No. 432385 ID: 067a04
File 134229387126.png - (91.98KB , 600x600 , caravan29.png )

>>431394

Nah. You've been trying to kick the habit.

>>431388
>>431390
>>431393

Ah, yes, of course! THE INTERNET has never steered you wrong before! A casual search reveals dozens of easy ways to pick up men! Idiom will have to study them all! He will have no time for PROBABLY SCHIZOPHRENIA-BASED HEADVOICES while he does so, however, so you'll have to be TROUT for a while!

You have just been woken by your IDIOM-HAS-DONE-SOMETHING-CRAZY-AND-STUPID-AND-IS-GOING-TO-DO-WORSE SENSE! What should you do?

Go back to sleep. Not your problem!

RETRIEVE KALT FROM PANTS

frre youself and bind idiom with the ropes

Send your Familiar to steer the RV before it crashes.

What you should do is assess the situtation, make sure you guys make progress to your next stop, have sufficient supplies for everything, and all that.

What you ARE going to do is get your damn cape back via shenanigans!

>>432441
this!!

1/4 Trout 2012/07/14(Sat)15:03 No. 432477 ID: 99090a
File 134230340179.png - (14.68KB , 700x700 , caravan1-1.png )

>>432441
No time for planning! The Caravan is IN DANGER! But, oh, someone's getting assessed, all right. And it looks like your blanket CAPE was already draped over you.

>>432387
Not your problem?! Idiom is up to something! Something so STUPID that he took the time to tie you to KALT'S HOUSE to make sure that you couldn't stop him! This is YOUR RV and YOU WILL NOT LET IDIOM FUCK IT UP. If he touched ANYTHING, god help him, heads will roll. It's already bad enough that he scratched up the paint by putting this fucking house on top of it.

2/4 Trout 2012/07/14(Sat)15:03 No. 432478 ID: 99090a
File 134230341980.png - (12.10KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-2.png )

You dive in through the back window. Immediately, you notice something different-- no. Oh no.

3/4 Trout 2012/07/14(Sat)15:03 No. 432479 ID: 99090a
File 134230343957.png - (57.79KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-3.png )

An OXEN and ALL OF YOUR DISPLACERS ARE MISSING. You paid good money for those and now they are missing.

4/4 Trout 2012/07/14(Sat)15:04 No. 432481 ID: 99090a
File 134230345440.png - (15.71KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-4.png )

And there's the sorry bastard now. Looking at something on the laptop that you occasionally see him lovingly stroke and whisper sweet nothings to. Oh, he is going to pay.

>>432481
strangle him with cape

>>432482
best solution

Trout: make him pay.

Make him pay... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

Knock him out and obstruct his vision with a garbage bag or something, then drag him into Kalt's house and tie him to a chair and then start interrogating him where he left the money if he tell you where it is demand he tells you where the rest of it is and after a brief period of time lock him in a room without a window. Finally, try to go the entire duration of the caravan with Idiom thinking he's been kidnapped.

>>432499
also, tie kalt to the cieling of kalt's house, so that his blood drips on idiom a little.

>>432499
This, A thousand times this.

Seconding straight up murder.

>>432496
THIS

>>432524
this is more fun

>>432499
hahaha yes

Kiss him on the neck.

>>432842
Yes
Trick him into thinking you're seducing him and then go in for the kidnapping plan. Dont let him know it's you.

1/7 Trout 2012/07/15(Sun)23:08 No. 433382 ID: 99090a
File 134241893789.png - (9.84KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-5.png )

shh

only dreams now

3/7 Animated Trout 2012/07/15(Sun)23:09 No. 433384 ID: 99090a
File 134241899028.gif - (60.64KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-7.gif )

"WHERE'S THE MONEY, IDIOM."
"Trout? Why are you wearing a--"
"WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY?"
"It's in the boxes I got from the Legitimate Businessmen!"

4/7 Trout 2012/07/15(Sun)23:10 No. 433385 ID: 99090a
File 134241901983.png - (7.49KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-8.png )

Oh. I guess you completely missed those huge crates stacked where the oxen usually were. Oh, that reminds you!

5/7 Trout 2012/07/15(Sun)23:10 No. 433386 ID: 99090a
File 134241904967.png - (11.62KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-9.png )

"WHERE'S THE OXEN AND ROCKETS, IDIOM."
"I sold them!"
"..."

WHACK!

6/7 Trout 2012/07/15(Sun)23:11 No. 433387 ID: 99090a
File 134241909164.png - (10.98KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-10.png )

Okay. Your new goal in life is not to drive a RV full of schmucks around the world, but to get your shit back from those "legitmate" "businessmen" while driving an RV full of schmucks around the--

7/7 Trout 2012/07/15(Sun)23:11 No. 433389 ID: 99090a
File 134241911229.png - (15.77KB , 700x700 , caravan 1-11.png )

Oh, hey, is that a Sizzlers?

>>433389
Get Larro's girlfriend to show up there, then profess your undying love for Larro and challenge her to fight for Larro.

If you lose the fight grab Larro and yell "He doesn't deserve you." and drive away in the caravan

Larro: Ninja your way into the van and take control of the wheel!

Jesus the hilarity. MY SIDES!

1/4 Larro 2012/07/15(Sun)23:42 No. 433398 ID: 97486c
File 134242092142.png - (103.22KB , 800x600 , 1.png )

>Ninja your way into the van.

Already there.

Larro 2012/07/15(Sun)23:42 No. 433399 ID: 97486c
File 134242096192.png - (119.39KB , 800x600 , 2.png )

>take control of the wheel!
Done.

Lasso Larro with a sausage chain.

3/4 Larro 2012/07/15(Sun)23:47 No. 433402 ID: 97486c
File 134242126736.png - (70.46KB , 800x600 , 3.png )

My inventory:

7 Fairy Bottles
20,000,000 Hobo Dollurs
1 Hat
1 Pair of Sweet Shades Bro

I take the map that Trout has.

>"Hey Larro."

"Sup."

Trout fills me in on all the going ons of the Caravan so far.
Seems THE MAN has taken all his sweet rockets.
THE MAN is always doing shit like that. Trying to violate our 12th amendment rights and all that.
Oxen too. Always the oxen

"We need those rockets back. Like badly. And the Oxen can help us get past the treacherous seas..."

>"Treacherous seas?"

"Hell yeah trout. We're gonna go to Hawaii. And to get there we're gonna need a boat."

4/4 Larro 2012/07/15(Sun)23:48 No. 433403 ID: 97486c
File 134242133847.png - (88.60KB , 800x600 , 4.png )

"A Oxen Powered Rocket Boat. We'll use the van as the body. It's the perfect crime."

Question is how the hell do we get those rockets back from THE LEGITIMATE MAN.

look for THE LEGITIMATE MAN headquarters on the map of course. also you can order a THE LEGITIMATE MAN trap kit from amazon if that no-shows

I found THE LEGITIMATE MAN trap kit for a better price on newegg so get it from there.

Idiom has extensive knowledge of Legitimacy!

Use him as a guide and infiltrate their organization.

Tie skis to the bottom of the RV.

suggest that these LEGITIMATE BUSINESSMEN are not, in fact, as legitimate as they seem. it dont matter where you say it. as the guy who bought your rockets is likely the nearest to you, he will get stuck with the crap work of LEGITIMATELY MURDERING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. ambush him with your ninja skillz.

1/4 Larro 2012/07/16(Mon)23:41 No. 433734 ID: 97486c
File 134250729140.png - (33.05KB , 623x417 , 5.png )

Larro attempts to order a LEGITIMATE MAN TRAPPER KIT.
However Larro does not have a credit card!

Darn, seems like it would've worked too.

2/4 Larro 2012/07/16(Mon)23:44 No. 433738 ID: 97486c
File 134250748407.png - (86.26KB , 800x600 , 6.png )

This is a LEGET MAP. It can't find any LEGIT THINGS.

"Man if only that COMPLETELY ILLEGITIMATE MAN where here now!" Larro calls out.

A man appears beside the Caravan with a WELL HIDDEN GUN.

>"Excuse me sir. It seems you're doubting just how legitimate our business is. Why don't you step out so I can show you our business plan? Perhaps our display our soon to be merger with My Fist Co. and Ur Phase United?"

Run him over.

Larro 2012/07/16(Mon)23:45 No. 433740 ID: 97486c
File 134250754659.png - (100.28KB , 800x600 , 7.png )

Larro backstabs the Business man dealing 6times his normal health killing him instantly!
Now all the delicious secrets will come spilling out like candy from an FBI pinata.

4/4 Larro 2012/07/16(Mon)23:48 No. 433741 ID: 97486c
File 134250772175.png - (125.48KB , 800x600 , 8.png )

IDIOM ALPHA pops up at the new driver side window.

>"Ey Larro you know we can't like.. Get any facts and stuff from him while he's dead, right?"

Larro had not considered this and is stunned by this stunning revelation. Look at how stunned he is.

>Trout: "Is that my balaclava?"

Larro needs to think of a new way to discover the SECRET LOCATION.

Hack their website via green text on a black background.

loot him. he must have tons of IDs and shit on him.

>>433742
But how do we get text

Oh damn, you just killed a dude! We're just a bunch of murder hobos, now, man!

Loot his corpse and let's get out of here before the hardworking members of the California Highway Patrol catch up with us again.

>>433744
http://hackertyper.net/134250830281

it is time to 1337 haxorz

loot him, it's unlikely, but maybe he forgot to leave at home compromising materialabout the legit company

Loot him, he probably has a LEGIT MAP

Yes, loot his unseemly corpse for his clothes and balaclava at the very least. We need as many of both of those as we can get.

Attempt to perform a seance.

1/2 Larro 2012/07/17(Tue)23:51 No. 434157 ID: 97486c
File 134259429431.png - (36.70KB , 800x600 , 9.png )

Trout starts to freak out about the recent murder. You calm him down and assure him that killing bad guys is completely legal. And it's not even real death, he'll respawn later or whatever.

Larro decides to hack the LEGIT WEBSITE to find out their LEGIT ADDRESS.

And... Found it.
A local Toys R' Us hmm? How devious.

2/2 Larro 2012/07/17(Tue)23:54 No. 434160 ID: 97486c
File 134259447046.png - (45.70KB , 552x412 , 10.png )

Larro loots the man's body and finds his OFFICIAL LEGIT BUSINESS GUY BUSINESS CARD AND I.D.

With this surely we can get past security!

The question is who is best to infiltrate it? Someone's got to be ready to drive the getaway car and help in case things go sour.

Larro, with Kalt assisting. Trout is the getaway driver, Idiom will hop in if things go bad.

Trout's too squeamish when he knows whats going on, and Idiom will inevitable be distracted by his computer. So you're going to have to be both the grab man and the getaway driver. At the same time.

Tell them you're returning a barbie kid-modile thing (the getaway car), and that you'll just drive the "toy" to customer service. Bam, now you got an infiltration alibi and a means of escape.

Getaway Driver
Step 1: Kill Kalt
Step 2: Hold a Seance
Step 3: Kalt's ghost is the getaway driver

Infiltrator
Step 1: Loot Legit Businessman's dead body for his gun and outfit.
Step 2: Larro equips Legit Gun and Legit Business Suit.
Step 3: Larro infiltrates.

Trout can be the Lookout.
Idiom and his wife can check the IRC and see who we have to pick up next after this.

>>434163
this and take hostage idiom wife, so he wont get distracted

Larro 2012/07/18(Wed)21:29 No. 434441 ID: 97486c
File 134267217144.png - (180.33KB , 800x600 , 11.png )

"TOYS R' US MAN I AM HERE TO RETURN MY BARBIE DREAMOBILE!"

>"Oh god what are you doing here we're not even open right now it's closing."

Shit, my clever plan is foiled off the bat.

Larro 2012/07/18(Wed)21:30 No. 434442 ID: 97486c
File 134267224504.png - (152.34KB , 800x600 , 12.png )

"Kalt, get the boxes."

>"What?"

"We need to engage in infiltrate mode."

Larro 2012/07/18(Wed)21:32 No. 434445 ID: 97486c
File 134267232647.png - (88.64KB , 800x600 , 13.png )

------------------------------------------

>"Sir. Sir? ... I know you can hear me sir. Sir. We're closed. Sir. You've been in that box for ten minutes now. Excuse me, sir? You have to go."

Be the box
Be the box
Be the box

Loot the toystore! It will be the perfect crime.

Show him your LEGIT ID. With a picture of your box pasted over the photo, of course, for extra LEGIT.

>>434445
>giraffe hat hair
Bwahahahahaa

Pop out of the box and knock him out with a choke hold. Then sneak into the back room.

Idiom: Dress Trout up as a woman.
Trout: Seduce Toys R Us employee.
Kalt&Larro: Infiltrate.

>>434509
This. While Employee is affected by confused arousal, Idiom will find BLUNT OBJECT and strike employee on the back of his head.

>>434509
this

>>434509

I fully endorse this plan.

>>434509
nooooooooooooooooooooo

>>434509
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees

Adding my vote for femTrout

>>434509
Do it.

Trout: seize control of the player perspective, and then initiate cunning plan to escape everyone else's cunning plan for you.

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/22(Sun)12:58 No. 435257 ID: 067a04
File 134298709568.png - (40.28KB , 600x600 , caravan2-1.png )

>>434509
>>434649
>>434678
>>434754
>>434770
>>434900

"Hey, what are you-?"
"It's time for Plan R, Trout."
"Wait, Plan R, you don't mean- Aah! That does not go there! Stop it!"
"Oh don't be such a big baby."
"Is-is that-? Aaah!"
"Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Now get out there!"
"oh god"

"Hm?"

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/22(Sun)12:59 No. 435259 ID: 067a04
File 134298714214.png - (78.13KB , 600x600 , caravan2-2.png )

"E-excuse me, m-mister e-employee.. Could y-you h-help me?"

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/22(Sun)12:59 No. 435261 ID: 067a04
File 134298717372.png - (32.90KB , 600x600 , caravan2-3.png )

"..."

KILL. NOW.

Trout: Tell him you're having some trouble with your plumbing.

Idiom/Kalt/Larro: Infiltrate while he is distracted.

Larro: Murder the distracted employee, traumatizing Trout forever.

>>435269
Don't be silly, Larro has an important job to do.

Idiom: Strangle the employee with the Hero Cape, traumatizing Trout forever.

>Trout: acquire inappropriate boner.

And this is where I sucker punch him across the face. What are we doing here anyway?

Is that Johny Bravo?

>>435360
We're here to get the ROCKETS from the LEGIT COMPANY needed to make the CARAVAN FLYING MACHINE obviously.
Best way to get to Hawaii.
Now, seduce him.

>>435360
You can't break character now, this is the critical juncture!

He's obviously not buying the cure shy act, so maybe he likes tsundere girls. Great idea, Trout!

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/25(Wed)16:57 No. 436235 ID: 067a04
File 134326065314.png - (52.76KB , 600x600 , caravan2-4.png )

>>435265
>>435282
>>435395
>>435391
>>435458

"P-p-please, mister, I h-have a p-problem with my p-p-p-plumbing!"

"Huh? Oh, well, I can't help you with that. I work in customer relations. I guess I can recommend you to our piping department. They have fabulous rates!"

"U-uh.."

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/25(Wed)16:58 No. 436236 ID: 067a04
File 134326068742.png - (54.05KB , 600x600 , caravan2-5.png )

>>435274
>>435262
>>435269
>>434563

THIS ISN'T WORKING.

"EXECUTING PLAN M!"

"Huh? Mmpfh!"

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/25(Wed)16:58 No. 436237 ID: 067a04
File 134326073319.png - (27.48KB , 600x600 , caravan2-6.png )

"Idiom?"

"BUSY."

"C-can I take off the-?"

"NO."

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/25(Wed)16:59 No. 436238 ID: 067a04
File 134326078091.png - (169.13KB , 600x600 , caravan2-7.png )

>Kalt&Larro: Infiltrate.
>Larro: Infiltrate while he is distracted.
>Larro has an important job to do.

You will return control to LARRO momentarily! Idiom just has to do something first.

*sportch*

TROUT has acquired status condition: FOREVER TRAUMATIZED!

IdiomAlpha!a1..dIzWW2 2012/07/25(Wed)17:00 No. 436239 ID: 067a04
File 134326081141.png - (141.18KB , 600x600 , caravan2-8.png )

*bink!*


...you are now LARRO!

Trout: Experience Trauma.

Larro: demand Trout experience trauma

then go checkout the gameboy aisle

Oh come on you call that trauma? That's a experience you can tell stories about to your children.

>>436298
They ruined the makeup, mucked the hair and smeared the dress. This is more than enough to traumatize a lady for the rest of her life.

Anyway, this is good. That image was torturing me.

>>436239
High five Kalt on a job well done.

>>436238
Trout: Develop MENTAL DEFENSE MECHANISM against TRAUMA that makes you believe you are cross-dresser in an all-girl's school at the sight of blood.

>>436440
this.

inb4 reaver steals the quest out of nowhere.

>>436440

you, sir, are a top notch suggester.

>>436440
it's perfect

>>436440

I fully endorse this plan.

>>436440
>>436464
>>436469
>>436508
>>436528
...

what...

I, uh, I've seen a person die before, this isn't really that much of a major trauma. I mean, hell, I killed like 4 people personally with those displacers.

Repeat trauma... poor man was just waiting to break.

Yeah, but displacers are nice and clean. The corpses never even happen. The blood just ceases to exist. Now you're swimming in a newly red dress. That's gotta be a little upsetting. At the very least, you now have unpleasant associations with dress wearing.

>>436539
Right, as in I would never want to wear a dress again.

Which is just fine.

logic? in my tgchan?

> Right, as in I would never want to wear a dress again.
Stop lying to yourself.

Larro 2012/07/26(Thu)21:57 No. 436780 ID: 97486c
File 134336503349.png - (64.07KB , 800x600 , 14.png )

TROUT'S DRESS is now ruined and must be burned. Forever.

>>436261
Gameboy Aisle? Didn't those things stop selling in like-

Oh

Oh my god.

Larro 2012/07/26(Thu)21:58 No. 436782 ID: 97486c
File 134336510627.png - (244.58KB , 800x600 , 15.png )

>Kalt: "Larro, why'd you stop?"

"Silence Kalt. It is here that the artifact we need to continue resides.."

Larro 2012/07/26(Thu)21:59 No. 436785 ID: 97486c
File 134336518470.png - (134.19KB , 512x600 , 16.png )

The legendary GLOVE OF POWER.

Oh man it's on sale for only $3!!
But Larro only has Hobo Dollars and thus can not afford this amazing artifact.

Surely there must be a better way of getting it? One that involves less murder of innocent people.

It occurs to me that legendary artifacts are rarely purchased. Rather, they are recovered by heros, often by great risk and peril. You must claim the artifact for yourself, and earn the right to wield it by liberating it from this hidden temple.

Steal it!

>>436785
If you were worthy of it, it would call to you.
DOES IT CALL TO YOU?
If it does, you must stop at nothing. No innocent would be so evil as to stand in your way. Any scum that dare impede your destiny must be removed.

>>436785
A powerglove! You'll steal it! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!

Break the glass with the power glove... oh wait...

do not be fooled, brave warrior. that artifact is an evil one. wear it, and it will devour all that is good within you. it is a horrid pustule upon the perfect skin that is creation itself. no, it must never be worn. it must be exorcised, pulverised, dissolved, incinerated, its remains encased in cement and launched into the sun. and afterwards, a secret enclave must be formed to prepare for the day it returns.

Beware! It's a LEGITIMATE TRAP!

Or maybe that's just Trout.

Be Carmen Sandiego.

Larro 2012/07/28(Sat)15:29 No. 437160 ID: 97486c
File 134351459867.png - (151.04KB , 800x600 , 17.png )

>"Hey Larro I could just buy the thing."

"No Kalt.. An artifact must be earned, not bought."

Larro smashes the glass surrounding it and steals the GLOVE OF POWER.

"The GLOVE OF POWER... It's so b-"

Larro 2012/07/28(Sat)15:31 No. 437161 ID: 97486c
File 134351468637.png - (46.46KB , 800x600 , 18.png )

Suddenly the ALARM OF THIEVERY goes off warning the other employees and LEGIT BUSINESSMEN of what just happened. Larro and Kalt forget the boxes and sprint to where they believe the SECRET ENTRANCE to the LEGIT BUSINESS is.

Larro 2012/07/28(Sat)15:33 No. 437162 ID: 97486c
File 134351483851.png - (65.06KB , 800x600 , 19.png )

As they round the corner they find a door clearly labeled as the entrance. However it is blocked by a rather formidable man.
He looks like he's ready for anything.

>"Holy shit is that Reggie?"

"It doesn't matter who he is.. Right now he's the enemy."

>Reggie: "Sorry boys can't let you through. We're busy working on super secret video game things there. Gonna have to ask you to turn back."

Larro has to find a way to get past this man.
Can he ever hope to beat the Ever Ready Man?

Activate the Glove of Power's Captain N style powers.

His body may be ready, but his mind is not.

Show him the sales figures for the 3DS.