??? 2012/05/11(Fri)21:33 No. 410603 ID: 256d52
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You are a SHRINE MAIDEN from the MAGICAL EAST.

You are on a MAGICAL QUEST.

Your hands are a little full at the moment and you've temporarily FORGOTTEN the details.

What is IMPORTANT THING you are seeking again?

That uh... whatchacallit... sacred stone someone stole yesterday.

You seek the HOLY GRAIL.

A MAN who holds a HOLY ITEM that he stole from your TEMPLE.

He is DASHING yet INFURIATING

the yin yang orb

Your brain? Your heart? Your voice? Your sense of humor?

Your temple gigolo of course, you need him for your own satisfaction and to help with the temple budget.

Your coupon booklet.

??? 2012/05/11(Fri)22:33 No. 410631 ID: 256d52
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>>410607

Yes, that's it. The holy YING-YANG ORB.

That's why you are here in the VALLEY OF CURSES.

You're quite sure it's the SENIOR PRIESTESS's fault it got stolen but oh no, she's the boss and you're the one who has to get it back.

You hate her so much!

Still, at least you're out of the shrine. You're hoping for the opportunity to get something for YOURSELF too.

What was that again?

>>410631
A MA- no, fuck that

A LEGENDARY WEAPON

>>410631

The legendary AMULET OF THE GLADIATOR, a charm that turns skin as hard as steel so long as all the conditions for using it are met. Whatever those are. Such details are not very clear. Many different sources provide conflicting information.

A metallic red 1967 Cadillac with updated engine, offroading-rebuilt drivetrain system and leather interior.

A new robe. The left arm on this one got torn off in a fight a while back, and it's really annoying when the wind kicks up.

??? 2012/05/12(Sat)07:07 No. 410705 ID: 256d52
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MALEVOLENT SPECTRE has been slain.

Hmmm, no, the thing you were seeking for yourself definitely wasn't some sort of item.

Your wife, and her son.

an actual shirt

>>410705
Enlightenment and advancement. By the time you come home, only the most closed-minded or ignorant of priests would deny you a higher station at the temple.

Your other job when you aren't a shrine maiden is brothel madam. Your brothel was shattered in a lightning strike, and you need to find your bitches.

maybe a robot.

You need to learn the truth behind your brothers mysterious and sudden disappearance.

You seek the ADVICE OF THE ENLIGHTENED ONE, an ancient hermit who wanders the world. Rumor placed him in this region.

I like these
> Your other job when you aren't a shrine maiden is brothel madam. Your brothel was shattered in a lightning strike, and you need to find your bitches.
> You need to learn the truth behind your brothers mysterious and sudden disappearance.
> You seek the ADVICE OF THE ENLIGHTENED ONE, an ancient hermit who wanders the world. Rumor placed him in this region.

Oh! Was it that magical hot spring that revitalizes the spirit, soothes the body, and is rumored to enhance... "certain physical attributes?"

Remember that the QUEST was to find your PUPILS that the sister superior traded for a red 1967 Cadillac to Satan.

A name. You're looking for a name.

??? 2012/05/12(Sat)21:25 No. 411026 ID: 256d52
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>>410789

Yes, that's it!

You overheard your SISTER SUPERIOR talking about the ABANDONED SHRINE in the VALLEY OF CURSES. There's a hot spring in the inner sanctum that's said to have MAGICAL PROPERTIES. You'd really show her if you came back stacked to the roof with MAGICAL POWER and, well, STACKS.

You're fairly sure she didn't know you were there when she spoke about it.

??? 2012/05/12(Sat)21:26 No. 411028 ID: 256d52
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You consult the incredibly shitty MAP you were given to think of what to do next.

You think the DASHING THIEF is likely to have passed through the VILLAGE.

To get there, you can be safe and take the LONG ROUTE or try to cut through the FOREST which is known to be PERILOUS.

Alternatively, you can head directly to the ABANDONED SHRINE. The direct path there takes you along the northern valley wall. The CAVES dotting the cliff face are said to be full of DEADLY MONSTERS though.

On the one hand, time is usually of the essence when you're trailing a thief. On the other hand, he IS dashing, and look at how many stories there are about some girl running into a dashing thief and ending up stuck traveling with them for a while! Either you'd have to drag him back with you and skip the hot springs, or he'd sneak over and steal the stone again while you were all bathing and such.

So clearly, the thing to do is give the finger to logic and predictable developments, and go hit that spring first! Getting all magiced up should help search for stuff anyway!

>>411035
but then we miss the hijinks where he ends up, through no fault of his own, being caught peeping on her so she can rough him up some for being a pervert. How do you expect her to eventually fall in love with him if we skip all the silly misunderstandings that drive a wedge between them?

Take the tougher route through the woods, we need to be quick to stop him from selling the orb and skipping town.

Caves are good for our skin.

??? 2012/05/15(Tue)06:00 No. 412118 ID: 256d52
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>>411035

Straight to the shrine! There'll be no time for BATHING with a prisoner in tow. And your motives are as pure as freshly fallen snow for first getting a bit more TALENT to help catch this DASHING THIEF.

This is going to be great!

It'll take half a day to get there if your map is any good, so you should get there about two hours before DARK.

You shouldn't stay out after DARK.

You turn back to grab your BAG. It's really inconvenient trying to lug this heavy thing around in the middle of a fight.

If only you had some sort of mystical INVENTORY where your stuff could disappear to when you're not using it.

Ah well.

You are carrying:
PLAIN BOW x 1
ARROWS x 8
PAPER TALISMANS x infinity
KNIFE x 1
DIARY x 1
WATERSKIN (half full) x 1
FOOD x 4

And, hmmm, what's this in the bottom of the bag?

Forget the bag for now grab your knife and a talisman or two, if they're useful in a fight, and turn around, the specter seems to have sprouted a new set of jaws and is probably a bit too close for the bow.

A ferret? Why do you have a ferret?

it's a holy ferret. and it attacks and kills the spectre behind you.

Oooh right. How could you forget about how your older brother was cursed, turning into a jive-talking ferret and how he keeps stowing away in your stuff to nag you about killing the demon responsible and getting him restored. To be fair though, he's been pretty quiet so far this trip.

Maybe he is trying to cock-block the Dashing Thief. Mom did kind of regret having him so young.

I honestly don't know why you people are assuming that dashing means the guy's pretty instead of just that running fast is part of his MO. He's a thief, doesn't it make sense for him to run pretty fast? But we should check y'know: Look in the police dossier for the guy you've got to see if I'm right about this.

Seriously, brother ferret has to save you ass because you're not even looking at the thing about to kill/rape it.

>>412475
that would be because dashing rogues are always rugged and good looking, running pretty fast is part of any decent rogues job description if he didn't run fast he'd be imprisoned or dead rather than a rogue.

>>413182
It's always been my experience that the pretty ones were con-men, and that the thieves were the ugly ones. I know shitty dime-novel romance crap makes them all pretty but it's just not true.

That makes sense.
Well we will find out soon.

1/2 ??? 2012/05/30(Wed)07:52 No. 417329 ID: 256d52
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>>412137
>>412154
>>412190

A ferret? Why do you have a ferret?

"Hey. What's up, frigid midget?" the ferret hiding in you bag says. "All bung up by the looks of things - I know that blank stare. You forgot what you were doing again?"

Oh right, your brother. He somehow managed to get himself CURSED and turned into a ferret by a WHIMSICAL DEMON so now he's following you around until you get rid of the CURSE somehow or kill the demon.

And he'd been so quiet until now too...

2/2 ??? 2012/05/30(Wed)07:53 No. 417330 ID: 256d52
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A vengeful SPECTREGHAST draws near!

"Look lively, girl!" your ferrety brother says. "While you were off pounding the bean in that dreambox of yours, this here boogieman was bucking to lay his chops on your chassis!"

Argh, does nothing stay dead in this wretched valley?!

"No way I'll let a creeper like him hijack my sis!" Your brotherly dumbass jumps the ghost.

The SPECTREGHAST's spiritual power is weakened by the ferret's HEROIC SPIRIT!

You're a decent shot with your HOLY ARROWS but your real talent lies in using your PAPER TALISMANS to place MAGICAL SEALS on things. You need just need to dissipate the vengful spirit's spiritual power with your SEALS and then FINISH IT OFF with a SPECIAL TECHNIQUE.

You always FORGET which specific techniques would be best to use though.

Right right right. You stick the little paper seal on their forehead, give'em a kiss on the cheek, hop around on one foot in a circle, and chant the name of that friendly shikigami three times to summon him to haul them away.

Ralph, wasn't it?

you make a fan out of talismans and shoot a DIVINE WIND. blowing them apart.

that's easy. you make your enemy swallow the talisman of cow summoning.

>>417391
that one would be all the rage in the village i bet, if they weren't WREATHED IN HOLY FIRE!

>>417395
the cows, i mean.

Roll the talismans into tight spirals - forming long, thin rods - and shoot them like arrows.