>>394017
The layabout warriors from the bar is clearly the best option. They're likely to be skilled enough to take us there but not to make it out alive, so we won't have to pay them.

>>394073
We can always tell them we payed them in advance.

>>394090
"Ladies, it looks like you've finished preparations to aid me on my adventure! It looks like you were worth the advance payment. Now follow me, we must head towards the corn fields, there we will find the giant who gives out the location of the R'nauld Raygun to worthy men like myself."

Yarnspinner 2012/03/19(Mon)09:28 No. 394101 ID: 0c08f0
File 133217453730.png - (380.14KB , 1021x998 , Choose Your Allies.png )

>>394032
>>394073
>>394090
You weigh your options carefully, and decide that either the bar or the city guard would make the best recruiting pools. Turning back to look at your fellow patrons, two people catch your eye. The first is a gluttonous blob of a woman consuming a vast amount of bananas, corndogs, sausages, and other oblong foods. You overhear her being addressed as Madame Corndog. She looks like she could eat anything--or anyone.

You also notice a man sitting at the end of the bar, alone with his mug of brew. The bartender addresses him as The Huntsman, and you note the longbow he wears on his back. You recall hearing rumors on your journey here of a cultured, well-traveled man with deadly fighting prowess. Could this be him?

The city guard boasts a number of seasoned warriors amongst its ranks as well. Despite your short time in the city, you've already heard snatches of conversations about them: Ricardo Perrez, the exotic sharpshooter and local heartthrob; Man-Bird, a mighty warrior who can take to the skies; and The Hermanator, an enterprising gadget-maker serving the king himself. You also consider calling in your wife, Callista. She is a powerful wizard who could teleport to your location in an instant, should you send out a mental signal to her. Given her unpleasant demeanor you are hesitant to enlist her help in your quest, but still give her consideration.

You figure you can round up a posse of four, including yourself, without arousing too much suspicion.

>>394101
Madame Corndog, Man-Bird and hmmmm, Hermanator!

>>394104
s9conded

>>394104
Yep.

>>394101
I vote for the whole bottom row.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/19(Mon)15:24 No. 394164 ID: 0c08f0
File 133219586162.jpg - (38.28KB , 384x288 , Madame Corndog.jpg )

>>394104
>>394109
>>394132
You decide on who to take with you without any difficulty. The first on your list, Madame Corndog, sits before you, still shoveling in ungodly amounts of food. When you take the seat opposite her, she stops her food-filled orgy long enough to ask what you want.

"I want your help looking for an ancient artifact," you say, coming closer to telling the truth than you have in decades. Then at the last moment, you add, "El Perro de Maíz Grande." Madame Corndog stops fellating the banana in her hand and stares at you, her eyes wide.

"The...y-you've found it?" She stutters, shocked.

"Yes," you reply. "But I'll need your help if I'm to retrieve it." In an instant, you are exiting the bar with Madame Corndog in tow. She continues to perform unspeakable acts to a corndog as you head towards your next destination.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/19(Mon)15:25 No. 394165 ID: 0c08f0
File 133219595219.png - (138.69KB , 378x330 , Man-Bird.png )

>>394164
After nearly half an hour of solid walking, you find your way to the city guard's barracks. As if by magic, or well-placed plot hole, you find the soldier known as Man-Bird standing around aimlessly just outside the entrance. He holds his long frame awkwardly, and doesn't seem to know what all to do with his various body parts. In particular, his large, feathery wings seem to give him trouble.

The soldier's gloomy expression is immediately replaced by a happier one when he spots you--or rather your companion, Madame Corndog.

"Madame, what brings you here?" Man-Bird says, snapping to attention. Madame Corndog launches into a slurp-filled explanation of the importance and secrecy of your quest, and demands that Man-Bird assists. From the way they stare at one another, you gather that there is something between these two. It would seem that you chose wisely in deciding to bring Corndog along. She adds that you'll be needing one more party member before you set out on your expedition.

"You're after The Hermanator?" Man-Bird groans. "He lives in the palace, with the king and queen. I can get you in, but convincing him to join us will be no small task." He sighs, adding, "The Hermanator is, how you say...senile."

"That won't be a problem." You answer, knowing your infallible foreshadowing will once again come in handy.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/19(Mon)15:28 No. 394166 ID: 0c08f0
File 133219610396.jpg - (43.07KB , 390x300 , El Negro de Pizzaro.jpg )

>>394165
Having evaded the guard patrols with the help of Man-Bird, your party gains access to the palace and quickly find The Hermanator's chambers. The Hermanator seems to be in the middle of eating, and stands absolutely still with a whole pizza poised at his mouth. Looking around the room, you spot multiple objects that appear to be from the R'nauld civilization; if your previous attempts to lie your way into possession of the R'nauld Raygun are any indication, your lies will likely not work while surrounded by the R'nauld-crafted trinkets.

With the door locked behind you, you are left to consider what to say to get The Hermanator to join you on your quest.

I can get Madame Corndog to give you infinite fellatio if you help me get or just give me the artifacts I want.

>>394166
Tell him that you're in need of a self made man who can handle the pressure and help you build a brighter future for the entire world.

>>394174
This.

>>394166
"You'd be dead already if it wasn't for me. I've barely been able to restrain Corndog from eating you. Your only chance to survive is to join us."

Yarnspinner 2012/03/19(Mon)18:22 No. 394202 ID: 0c08f0
File 133220655992.png - (110.73KB , 279x346 , Negro de Pizzaro Agrees.png )

>>394169
>>394174
>>394182
"Sir Hermanator," you begin, "I have come to you because I need a self-made man who can handle extreme pressure and help me build a brighter future for the entire world." Your bold attempt at lying would've paid off elsewhere, but surrounded by R'nauld artifacts, your powers are useless. The Hermanator slowly takes a bite out of the pizza he holds, and Madame Corndog resumes her disgusting treatment of the similarly-named foodstuff she carries with her. Suddenly, an idea pops into your head.

"I am on a quest to retrieve an ancient artifact from the Vinewood," You say, changing it up. "I can get Madame Corndog to give you infinite fellatio if you help me." This piques The Hermanator's interests; he slowly lowers his pizza and looks you in the eye for the first time.

"9-9-9?" He asks at length.

"Uh...sure." His question is lost on you. "Shall we begin our journey out of the city?"

"9-9-9!" The Hermanator triumphantly declares. He picks up a satchel and throws a few odds and ends into it, then looks ready to follow you.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/19(Mon)18:23 No. 394203 ID: 0c08f0
File 133220663115.png - (234.68KB , 676x995 , Current Party.png )

>>394202
You have assembled your party and are ready to leave the city.

You can get to the Vinewood by going west on a well-travel trade road that runs through the hills, north across a river, or east through a network of caves that will take you underground. The trade road is the longest way, but also the safest. Crossing the river is the quickest but could prove troublesome, as it is very wide and deep. Going through the caves would be extremely dangerous, but could also lead you straight to the ruined city rather than having to wander through the Vinewood--assuming you don't get lost.

By which route will you travel?

>>394203
I'd choose the river, but it's wide and deep and I've forgotten that Bird-Man could fly us over. Except Madame Corndog.

>>394203
We're an adventuring party, and our natural habitat is underground. To the Caves!

>>394290
TO THE CAVES!
Let's not mistake Madame Corndog's gaping maw for a cave entrance, though; she can eat all the perils within.
"Perils? What perils? The only danger in those caves are roaming crowds of hobos and beggars, the filthy poor!"

Yarnspinner 2012/03/20(Tue)18:10 No. 394522 ID: 0c08f0
File 133229224780.png - (48.20KB , 270x163 , Man-Bird Concerned.png )

>>394290
>>394325
Ever the bold one, you decide that the caves would make the best course. The Caves of Irs are a well-known labyrinth, partially natural and partially not, twisting and turning for unknown miles underground. The caves are almost completely dark, with only a few very powerful wizards being able to penetrate the inky blackness. The laws of nature seem to not apply beneath the land's surface; walking in a straight path could lead you around in circles, and striking a foe with a blade could cause slash marks to appear in the cavern wall. Truly, the Caves of Irs are a place of horrors.

Despite this, you decide to press on to the entrance to the caves, which lies just to the east of the city. Upon your arrival, however, Man-Bird approaches you.

"M-Master Frothy," he stutters. "I...I can't go in there."

"I dislike caves," Man-Bird explains, extending his wings to their full ten foot span.

If you enter the caves, you know he may desert or otherwise become a problem. On the other hand, his complaints are petty and easily ignored by a magnificent, unparalleled leader such as yourself. Will you attempt to calm him, or abandon him altogether?

Tell him: "What are you talking about? You are far too brave to be scared by a hole in the ground."

Since the cave isn't R'nauld crafted:

"Your wings can fit in that cave. It's even wider than Madame Corndog's vagina, and tall enough to let you fly as much as you want."

>>394522
"Worry not! I know the path that will lead us safely through, and you have no need to fear."

>>394522
Let's do our best to calm him and convince him the caves will not prove problematic for his wings.

>>394550
Your cynicism is unparalleled.

>>393916
I'm beginning to suspect our brave hero's ability to warp reality could be a tad broken.

>>394558
Yeah, that's because R'nauld-crafted crap screws with our powers. We should be fine now that we're away, in-universe. Also, out-universe, what'd be the point in lying constantly if it offered no benefit? Reality warping is the flaw's bonus, and Phlebotnium restricts it. There'd be no point in giving us reality-warping shit if we just had it taken away just when our adventure really begins.

Let's bribe the wingman with something. What'll be irresistible to him?

I think he needs some weed.
Failing that, maybe a new dealer that has all the best stuff, legal and not?

"You're wrong Man-bird. Not only will you be fine down there, your abilities will prove invaluable to us. We need you with us in that cave."

Yarnspinner 2012/03/23(Fri)14:44 No. 395264 ID: 0c08f0
File 133253907988.png - (47.62KB , 294x154 , FrothyLeeroy.png )

>>394529
>>394530
>>394550
>>394558
>>394909
>>394990
>>395043
"Nonsense, Man-Bird. You will enter the caves." You speak sternly, your soulless eyes carving the image of a thousand hells into Man-Bird's mind. "It will be wide enough for you to stretch your wings, and you are far too brave to be scared by a hole in the ground." The land beneath you rumbles, and you know reality has once again adjusted itself to accommodate your will.

"In any case," you continue, digging around in your pockets, "I have something here that I think you will like." You produce a small amount of a special outlawed herb, bundled together by a thin layer of paper. Despite Man-Bird's protests, you force it into his hand and instruct him to inhale it if needed. He quickly agrees and tucks the herb away.

"Now friends, worry not!" You proclaim as your group descends into the caves. "I know the path that will lead us safely through, and you have no need to fear." You hear stone grinding on stone all around you, and eventually an exit forms in front of you--the way out already! You charge through, your companions close behind you, running up the path and towards a bright light until you finally re-emerge...

Yarnspinner 2012/03/23(Fri)14:45 No. 395265 ID: 0c08f0
File 133253912175.png - (45.85KB , 394x157 , FrothyLeeroy ORLY.png )

>>395264
...Ten yards north from where you started.

Perhaps you need to be more specific with your lies, or otherwise try to work through the cave network in a more--you hesitate to even think the word--honest fashion. You recall seeing two paths just before you came back up. The first led to the right, and its walls seemed to be covered with large patches of moss or lichen. On the other path, which branched to the left, you noticed drag marks along the sandy floor. Should you follow one of these routes, or attempt to make your own?

"Hm. That was the wrong path, or else someone has used a R'nauld artifact to change the cave. Who knows what one might do with such an item? Now, the path that will lead us where we want to be can be found by going thirty paces left of a crystal protuberance. It is rather... unmistakable."

Then when you see a deep shadow or some such, smile and say, "There's that protuberance I told you of. Thirty paces left!"

>>395267
Yeah, this is gonna take a long time but what else can we do? We don't do honesty.

>>395265
The left path is always the wrong path, so we need to go the right path, but possibly one further to the right.

Also, I have a feeling that if we try to claim that "I am omnipotent" or "I can teleport anywhere I want at will" or some such, we'll find that it has something to do with R'nauld tech and be thwarted.

Declare "We go to the left!" And charge off down the right-side path.

No activity on this thing? :/

Disappointing!

Yarnspinner 2012/03/27(Tue)21:24 No. 396488 ID: 0c08f0
File 133290866808.png - (231.94KB , 631x353 , FrothyLeeroy Weighing Options.png )

>>395272
>>395278
>>396163
You weigh your options carefully, and declare: "We go left!"

Man-Bird stutters out a protest as you boldly lead your group down the right-hand path, but his facts have no effect upon your too-proud-to-fail ego. Your companions scarcely make a sound as they follow you through the dimly-lit cave--save of course for Madame Corndog's usual slurps and moans. You walk down the long, winding path for what feels like miles before you hear something odd in the distance. Something alive. A stomping sound comes from a path that leads off to the side, and before you can react the source is upon you.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/27(Tue)21:25 No. 396490 ID: 0c08f0
File 133290874096.png - (220.49KB , 340x339 , Tsara Pei-Lin.png )

>>396488
A shrill cry of "沙发!!" is all the warning you get before the beast rears its ugly head. It would appear that Madame Corndog's carnal grunts and mouth noises attracted the animal, which mistook the guttural emissions for its own language. It merely stands there, staring at you. The faint glow from the lichen on the walls gives the hideous creature an eery look as shadows twist and distort its already monstrous face even further.

"What are you?!" Man-Bird demands, only to be ignored. Further attempts at communication result in the monster identifying itself, apparently as a "Tsara Pei-Lin," and also saying many other things you do not understand. You mentally kick yourself for not bringing The Huntsman along on this journey--his linguistic skills would've come in handy about now. But you were never one to dwell on, or even admit, your own mistakes; you'll simply have to find a way out of this.

The Pei-Lin seems fairly neutral in demeanor, although you don't know much about it or its intent. It might attack, should you attempt to move past it to the north; it may also follow you should you retreat to the northeast, or go back the way you came to the southwest. You can see no other tunnels nearby. How will you deal with this interloper?

>>396490
obviusly this monstrosity is the cause of some horrid mineral known as Publiscite, the most dangerous being Publiscite-T. From what you know in you're endeavors, you have learned that this strange metal was crafted into wonderous and powerful weaponry, but if handled wrong can cause you to change into sins against nature such as this Pei-Lin creature. There is nothing to do but to save this wretched soul by ending it's life here and now.

Whatever we do, avoid violence at this point: I'm pretty sure she has backup.
"Hold on, I have a trick that lets me understand every language."
Greet it in its own language, and ask it to use its ability to speak in yours since your companions can't understand.

>>396783
If this colleague's intuit is right and this thing is incapable of speaking and understanding a language then do as they suggest. Be wary of its clan and its mindless followers though.

>>396490
We have to try communicating with it somehow. Don't want to risk a confrontation, and leading it back out towards civilization would be a monumental error without understanding it first.
... On second thoughts, without the Huntsman and his linguistic talents, perhaps discretion is the better part of valor, and we should retreat back the way we came.

>>396490
Offer it a corndog to win its friendship.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/30(Fri)15:55 No. 397187 ID: 0c08f0
File 133314815512.png - (46.36KB , 297x150 , CorndogMouthful.png )

>>396783
>>396796
>>397103
>>397117
Ever the wise one, you fall back on your training from your days as a member of the village council in your home town. You think of all the lessons in diplomacy, patience, and understanding taught to you by your elders, and decide it would be best to simply kill the thing.

Before you can act, Madame Corndog steps forward, clearly uncomfortable with the beast's presence. "Mmmfgg ynn cmfhrr?" She grunts, never completely removing the corndog from her own mouth. "Ywn rrr cndg?" Madame Corndog produces another corndog from her handbag, likely one of many, and tosses it over to the beast.

The Pei-Lin monster, clearly intrigued, sniffs at the corndog before beginning to take small, ultra-conservative bites out of it. The move put her in an out-of-the-way position, allowing you the chance to slip by her. As you speed off down the tunnel, you hear scurrying movements in nearby tunnels--more than likely her pack finally catching up to her.

Yarnspinner 2012/03/30(Fri)15:56 No. 397188 ID: 0c08f0
File 133314817781.jpg - (51.68KB , 450x304 , HermanatorYeeHaw.jpg )

>>397187
After a moderate amount of walking, which wears heavily on your rotund physique, you arrive at a large cavern with a high ceiling. Though the cavern is pitch black, there is a faint glow present--The Hermanator reveals that while everyone else was busy dealing with the issue at hand, he was secretly chipping some of the glowing lichen off the walls.

He discovered that it was not the lichen that glowed, but rather a kind of mineral underneath it that The Hermanator reveals is a rare strain of Publiscite, known as Publiscite-T. It is one of the rarest minerals in the world, much sought after by crazed enthusiasts but strictly controlled by the realm's rulers. Thanks to The Hermanator's skills, you have enough Publiscite-T to light your way through this dark section of the caves. You make a mental note to give him a position of power after you take over the world with your R'nauld Raygun, perhaps as part of some bank.

A quick trip around the "room" you're in reveals you have four possible exits--northwest, north, northeast, or back the way you came, to the south. None of them appears any different from the others. As you weigh your options, your party anxiously awaits a decision.

>small, ultra-conservative bites out of it
I laughed way too hard at this.

>>397188
What does publiscite-T do?

>>397337
See: >>396783
>this strange metal was crafted into wonderous and powerful weaponry, but if handled wrong can cause you to change into sins against nature such as this Pei-Lin creature.
This is now canon.

Also:
>it was not the lichen that glowed, but rather a kind of mineral underneath it that The Hermanator reveals is a rare strain of Publiscite, known as Publiscite-T.
>It is one of the rarest minerals in the world, much sought after by crazed enthusiasts but strictly controlled by the realm's rulers.

So tl;dr it's a glowing rock that can be turned into weapons, but tends to mutate people into ungodly beasts and causes mental deterioration with prolonged exposure. It's also a controlled substance that may or may not get you in trouble for possessing in more civilized areas.

>>397188
All the norths should be the correct path out to the other end of this dungeon. This is a fact that you know of and you obviusly know that it will not lead you to the entrance you came in from.