So clean it, gosh, it can't be that hard cleaning up a tomoto mess. Where are your cleaning supplies?

So is tonights dinner homemade BLTs?

>>377284
When will she be coming over?

>>377284
Better clean it up then. PARKOUR STYLE!

RED 2012/01/03(Tue)17:04 No. 377297 ID: a525c4
File 132563905558.png - (11.88KB , 800x600 , aai.png )

John sure thinks that cleaning is SUCH A HASSLE. After all, it's not one of his four Hobbies. But he'll do it, if he must. Maybe even right now... If he really really must..

Tonight's dinner isn't quite decided yet. John makes a habit of always stocking his fridge with prettty much everything imaginable. Curly loves tomatoes, lately. So that's gonna be a key ingredient.

And she's gonne be here at 6 PM. One and half an hour to go.

Bacon Lettuce Tomato sandwich
that's what's for dinner
let's move on to the bacon and lettuce, we'll continue the tomato when you're not such a klutz. Start with the lettuce as the oven pre-heats.

>>377297
After cleaning, make chicken cacciatore with caprese salad.

Suggestion 2012/01/03(Tue)17:13 No. 377306 ID: f46f0d
File 132563961079.jpg - (34.39KB , 200x158 , langostinosvalencianos.jpg )

>>377297
Well if she doesn't mind tomato sauce, you could cook Langostinos Velencianos in around 45 minutes leaving you with enough time to clean up.

>>377306
so many this.
unless she is a freak who dissaproves of seafood, in wich case you should have an argument and slip and fall in the tomato mess.

What are you cutting tomatoes with, a mallet?

Dinner is served RED 2012/01/04(Wed)01:14 No. 377405 ID: c99dc4
File 132566847921.png - (11.31KB , 800x600 , aaj.png )

And done!
Langostinos Velenshichachi... RED SEAFOOD-TOMATO-SAUCE for two!
John is happy that he managed to do this really fast. This way, he can take his time cleaning the kitchen and still reheat the sauce and cook the rice just before Curly arrives, so they can have the freshest of rice.

John likes it when things are going according to plan!

Also, John has never ever cut tomatoes with a mallet. That would be ridiculous. Man.

RED 2012/01/04(Wed)01:15 No. 377406 ID: c99dc4
File 132566852733.png - (11.41KB , 800x600 , aak.png )

DING-DONG, goes the doorbell.

John did not see this coming.

I warned you about tomatoes. I TOLD YOU DAWG

>>377406
Open the door in the most parkour dynamic way possible.

BLT's are way quicker man
nothing wrong with fancy cooking but a woman loves spontaneity. You've should have expected this.
That, or this is your wild neighbors Jazz and Will Smith that come to hang out sometimes. Obviously. I mean, you're no square.

It's probably not Curly, and if it is, then she would probably understand that your not finished cooking

RED 2012/01/04(Wed)09:59 No. 377466 ID: c99dc4
File 132569996422.png - (12.52KB , 800x600 , aal.png )

John sure did know about Tomatoes. And in hindsight, Sandwiches might have prevented this, but now it's too late to cry over spilt milk.

John tosses the pot with the main dish on the counter and dashes into the livingroom.

RED 2012/01/04(Wed)10:00 No. 377467 ID: c99dc4
File 132570005615.png - (14.98KB , 800x600 , aam.png )

Since he prides himself as an adept Parkour!ist, he makes his way to the door in the most parkour! dynamic way possible.
John is glad those chairs are so GODDAMN HEAVY. Otherwise this stunt would be life-threatening.

RED 2012/01/04(Wed)10:02 No. 377468 ID: c99dc4
File 132570013986.png - (15.12KB , 800x600 , aan.png )

After a few mor ridiculous flips and jumps, John is ALSO glad that he had those convenient foot-hooks installed above the door.
Who would NOT love to be greeted by an upside down dude when the door is flung VIOLENTLY OPEN?

RED 2012/01/04(Wed)10:03 No. 377469 ID: c99dc4
File 132570020068.png - (13.81KB , 800x600 , aao.png )

Well imagine that.
It is Curly after all.
She looks very impressed. John thinks he aced this.

Explain to her that you're not quite done with making the food. Make sure to look extra embarrassed while saying this.

>>377469
Offer her to come in and enjoy some drinks while you finish up a bit in the kitchen. Mix her up a wicked drink of her choice.

yes be embarresed and admit it isn't done yet since you were expecting her to be over a bit later.

Stare into her cavernous maw.

RED 2012/01/05(Thu)02:02 No. 377665 ID: 517d50
File 132575775894.png - (10.65KB , 800x600 , aap.png )

John has never thought about it this way. Her mouth is kinda big isn't it?

John sheepishly admits that the food is not quite done and explains, that he didn't expect her so soon.

Curly says it's okay and that she knows she's way early.
Also she says John is cute.

John says she can come in and sit in the living room. He offers her a drink, but she says no thanks. She's a boring drunk. She probably doesn't mean that, though.

Tell her she doesn't have to get shitfaced. A buzz is pretty good too, ya know. Boring or not, shit's just there to take edge off.

Maybe she's more of a grass girl though. Is she?

>>377665
She could have a non-alcoholic beverage then. It's not like you're trying to get her drunk and take advantage or anything. Unless that is the case, in which case you shouldn't tsay any of that last part.

>>377673

Cooking, Calligraphy, Fishing, Parkour. None of those hobbies are date rape, so... no.

>>377665

To be fair her head is vastly bigger than her mouth.

RED 2012/01/06(Fri)01:08 No. 377858 ID: 88677f
File 132584092063.png - (14.15KB , 800x600 , aaq.png )

John concedes that her head is indeed bigger than her mouth, whatever that is supposed to mean.

He tells Curly that she doesn't have to get drunk. One drink won't knock her out, after all.
Curly says that's okay, really. She came by car and since she's had her license for only about a week, she shouldn't start driving drunk now.

John offers her a nonalcoholic beverage. Curly says she would like some cherry juice, some rose hip tea or some wild berry soda or something like that.

John says you got it.

RED 2012/01/06(Fri)01:15 No. 377859 ID: 88677f
File 132584132905.png - (11.76KB , 800x600 , aar.png )

Okay, time to get busy.

>>377859
Get her some wild berry soda and deliver in the most dyanamic parkour way possible without spilling any. Then get back in here and make a quick clean up.

Lets get that rice cooking and check the temperature of the sauce to make sure its at least lukewarm. The best wine to go with this type of food would be some Sauvignon Blanc but i'm not sure what wild berry soda or cherry juice tastes like. I would not recommend serving rose hip tea unless it was chilled, because personally I try not to match hot foods with hot drinks. The sodas carbonation and flavor might be too distracting in comparison to the food, and the cherry juice may be too tannic. So in my opinion, the order of prescience would be: Iced rose hip tea (if you have the time to chill it) > Berry Soda > Cherry Juice > Hot rose hip tea.

Out the window. You have some wild berries and rose hips to gather.

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)08:32 No. 378687 ID: 01baad
File 132612676271.png - (16.15KB , 800x600 , aas.png )

Speed is of the essence!
John checks the temperature of the sauce. It turns out to be still rather hot!
He parkour!s his way up to where the pots are kept and starts cooking the rice. Then, he takes a look into the fridge for something to drink.
Sadly, he has no cold tea and no time to make tea AND cool it. And since food will take a few minutes before it can be served, some wild berry soda shouldn't be a biggie. Curly can't be kept thirsty!

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)08:34 No. 378688 ID: 01baad
File 132612684638.png - (12.27KB , 800x600 , aat.png )

John makes haste with a can of wild berry soda and a glass. His awesome parkour!-skills keep the can nice and steady so it won't explode in anybody's face later.
That's not how parkour! works? John dismisses that silly thought in an instant.
So silly.

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)08:35 No. 378689 ID: 01baad
File 132612691379.png - (14.86KB , 800x600 , aau.png )

Crisis averted!
John pours Curly's drink in the manner a very snooty waiter in an expensive restaurant might.
Curly says thanks.

man, parkour! cooks are awesome. parkour! waiters even moreso. you should totally open a restaurant where every waiter must parkour! his or her way to the customers.

okay, now go cook the shit out of that meal.

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)09:53 No. 378704 ID: 01baad
File 132613163544.png - (12.46KB , 800x600 , aav.png )

John gets back to work.
Good. Seems like the rice is almost done.

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)09:54 No. 378706 ID: 01baad
File 132613169603.png - (12.26KB , 800x600 , aaw.png )

Time to set the table.
Dishes and sauce in hand, John begins his journey to the living room.
This is gonna be SO DELICIOUS!

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)09:57 No. 378709 ID: 01baad
File 132613183279.png - (15.04KB , 800x600 , aax.png )

Curly says she can handle setting the table. John says thanks. He'll just get the rice and be right back.

John is a little relieved that at least the plates and glass are taken care of for now. He notices that he forgot the cutlery.
Also, now is the time to settle on what to drink.
He has some white wine in the fridge, but Curly did say she didn't want any alcohol before. A true dilemma.

bring the food and ask if you can get her anything else to drink.

alternatively, secretly pour some booze into her juice.

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)12:01 No. 378732 ID: 01baad
File 132613927564.png - (12.18KB , 800x600 , aay.png )

Putting booze in your girlfriend's drink secretly is a nasty thing to do, thinks John.
He decides to just ask her.

John fetches some cutlery and the rice. Oh boy oh boy!

RED 2012/01/09(Mon)12:02 No. 378733 ID: 01baad
File 132613935566.png - (15.66KB , 800x600 , aaz.png )

John asks what Curly wants to dr- what in the name of all that's holy is going on here?

Curly appears to be helping herself to some of the special seafood tomato sauce stuff. John is very confused.

apparently it is FUCKING DELICIOUS!

SHE'S HUNGRY, QUICKLY GRAB MORE FOOD

AND A SHOVEL TOO

AND SOME V AND SOME G

>>378733
It appears that you made the food too delicous. Curse the gods loudly for giving you such unnatural cooking skills!

>>378733
be careful, she may now be ADDICTED to your cocking and demand more. Approach the situation with caution, any sudden movements could trigger a violent reaction.

Elephant Guy 2012/01/09(Mon)22:54 No. 378873 ID: 0adc60
File 132617848699.jpg - (35.92KB , 579x573 , wantsmexy.jpg )

>>378808

>be careful, she may now be ADDICTED to your cocking

>cocking

>>378873
could not stop laughing, you deserve a medal

>>378873
Who said this was a typo?
also, awesome picture!

RED 2012/01/10(Tue)04:16 No. 378920 ID: b1d135
File 132619779764.png - (16.56KB , 800x600 , aba.png )

All this is too sudden for John, so he sticks to trying not to make any sudden movements and offering Curly more food.
C-curly?, John says. Do you want more?, John asks.

RED 2012/01/10(Tue)04:17 No. 378921 ID: b1d135
File 132619786325.png - (16.57KB , 800x600 , abb.png )

Curly very slowly looks at him.
She asks if John has anything as delicious as this.

>>378921
... drop your pants and direct her gaze
"here's some hawt sausage you can try"


but seriously, give her the rice and try to see if you can chat her down from that crazy eating that she seems to have obtained

RED 2012/01/10(Tue)04:35 No. 378923 ID: b1d135
File 132619893767.png - (17.12KB , 800x600 , abc.png )

John comes a little closer and offers Curly some rice.
He says he thinks it might be delicious, too.
Curly takes a look inside the pot and says that it doesn't look very delicious to her.
John can't handle this. He asks Curly why she's acting like this.
Curly says she has an appetite. So what?

Has she ever done this before?
How long have you even known her?

>>378923
Just put the rice down near her and then excuse yourself to go find some towels and napkins.

Curly, are you sick bro? It's just all that tomato looks like blood and you scarfed that shit fucking down. And it's a little crazy just how literally fast she scarfed it down. But then again, you parkour flip throughout the house like a goddamn ninja.

"Are.... are you going to eat me?"

what did she like about it? the tomatoes?

Wait you didn't accidentally substitute tomatoes for BLOOD OF A VIRGIN did you?

is one of curly's hobbies vampirism

john, tell us

>>378923
Hmm voracious apatite eh? Curly may actually be an Obayifo, a certain type of African vampire witch who can remotely suck blood from people and travel as a ball of light. Or she could be just pregnant.

RED 2012/01/14(Sat)02:00 No. 379733 ID: 9f7480
File 132653523275.png - (18.83KB , 800x600 , abd.png )

This is certainly unusual behaviour. John has known Curly for about two months now and nothing like this has ever happened before.
John agrees that it looks like blood and very disconcerting.
John doesn't think vampirism is a possibility, though. He doesn't know all of Curly's hobbies, but he thinks they're all rather non-violent.
And vampires don't exist. John is sure of that, at least.

John sets dow the rice in front of Curly and just wants to excuse himself when curly says she doesn't want this stuff. Curly asks whether John has more the delicious stuff or not.
John says n-no?

RED 2012/01/14(Sat)02:01 No. 379734 ID: 9f7480
File 132653526230.png - (15.84KB , 800x600 , abe.png )

Curly disappears through the front door.

RED 2012/01/14(Sat)02:01 No. 379735 ID: 9f7480
File 132653529315.png - (10.54KB , 800x600 , abf.png )

This didn't go as well as John had hoped.

but... you still have tomatoes.

yep, we should of had sex with her

You see what fancy, untimely dinners can do? They fuck with your girlfriend's head, that's what. Swear by Saint BLT for life right now mister.

Saint BLT, descend from the heavens and grace this young fool, please. He may give you a special, holy BLT to cleanse the evil from your girlfriend. Or we go get some new tomatoes and make a high-quality BLT then go get it blessed at a church. We have psycho girlfriend hunting to do and we're gonna jam it into her hungry, gaping maw.

Red Mystery 2012/01/18(Wed)12:15 No. 380692 ID: faea08
File 132691771602.png - (9.20KB , 800x600 , abg.png )

First Story

RED 2012/01/18(Wed)12:17 No. 380694 ID: faea08
File 132691783309.png - (15.08KB , 800x600 , abh.png )

John is lost in thought. Curly's weird behaviour earlier was so shocking, so weird, that John can't figure out what to do.
On the one hand, he's hurt. On the other, he's worried. Why did she act like this?
He can't wrap his enormous head around it.

>>380692

...make some more of that RED SEAFOOD-TOMATO-SAUCE.

RED 2012/01/18(Wed)12:34 No. 380705 ID: faea08
File 132691888912.png - (11.76KB , 800x600 , abi.png )

Not much later, John has finished another batch of Langostinos Ve-whateverthehell.
This is much less fun all of a sudden.

>>380705
Taste it yourself.

if it checks out then lace it with knock out drugs so when curly eats it she passes out so you can take er to a hospital or something.

>>380709

Test it on an HUMANELY TREATED RODENT

RED 2012/01/18(Wed)12:55 No. 380723 ID: faea08
File 132692010869.png - (12.14KB , 800x600 , abj.png )

John doesn't have access to a humanely treated rodent, so he tests it on himself.
It's delicious. He doesn't think he'd wanna be gobbling it all up without rice to go with it, though.

He doesn't want to spike the sauce for three reasons: One: it'd be a waste of perfectly good food. Two: it'd be immoral. Three: He wouldn't know how to.

Hospital sounds like a good idea to him though. Curly could be seriously unwell!

tell Curly you'll give her some delicious if she agrees to be checked out.

no, let her smell it and then parkour to the hospital.

>>380755
This option is needlessly complicated

Lets do it

>>380761
Yes, it also make a high speed parkour chase possible. At least if she chases us for the delicious food.

Given that she's totally now a vampyyre she probably has supyrrhumyyn ryflexxes. Can you possibly hope to compete against that? Nothing to be done about it. Go!

You've just tasted it, right?

So your mouth would taste like delicious, right?

Go, John, parkour for makeout city!

>>381701

I like the way you think.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)00:36 No. 384979 ID: 92e579
File 132860376417.png - (16.48KB , 800x600 , abk.png )

John thinks that baiting Curly into getting a check-up with more food is a pretty good idea. The way to Curly's house is quite the trek however. Under normal circumstances he could take the subway, but no subways are going at this hour, so he'll have to march through the cold on foot.
What he'd do for love.

John gets all dressed up in his fluffiest, warmest clothes and heads out.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)00:36 No. 384980 ID: 92e579
File 132860381059.png - (17.26KB , 800x600 , abl.png )

The streets are mostly empty at this time of day.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)00:38 No. 384981 ID: 92e579
File 132860388762.png - (14.91KB , 800x600 , abm.png )

John finally arrives at Curly's house. Seems she's still up, judging from the lights. John is unsure how to approach this situation. He needs a good plan. This is important!

just sneak in from a window chick love that, if shes in the room your sneaking into engage in a musical

parkour the shit into her house.

>>384983
>>385005

That's a terrible idea.

Leave a trail of food from her door so she'll have to stop to eat it before continuing to chase you. Knock, then run.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)11:05 No. 385055 ID: 92e579
File 132864154301.png - (14.35KB , 800x600 , abn.png )

John doesn't want Curly to eat from the ground... At least not much. First he parkour!s over the gate.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)11:06 No. 385056 ID: 92e579
File 132864158464.png - (14.47KB , 800x600 , abo.png )

He leaves a little bit of food in front of the door. This won't make her sicker than she already is, he reckons.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)11:07 No. 385057 ID: 92e579
File 132864162173.png - (15.56KB , 800x600 , abv.png )

And here we go! John knocks and runs like hell, gripping the pot as hard as he can.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)11:07 No. 385058 ID: 92e579
File 132864166280.png - (17.92KB , 800x600 , abw.png )

And he's out of the garden before Curly even makes it to the door.

RED 2012/02/07(Tue)11:09 No. 385059 ID: 92e579
File 132864174169.png - (24.77KB , 800x600 , abx.png )

John runs. He is fairly certain he can outrun Curly any day. he turns his head to see how far behind she is.

Curly is not very far behind.

OH DEAR GOD LOOKING BEHIND WHILE RUNNING FROM HER IS LIKE LOOKING DOWN WHILE CLIMBING A 10000 METER CLIFF UNSECURED

RUN FORREST RUN

>>385059
Run faster, and through obstacles that you can parkour through that will slow her down.

Consider leaving a drop or two to distract her.

Fences! There have to be fences to climb somewhere! You can climb fences with a heavy pot, right?

why the heck are we running, she obviusly is crying and want's you to stop running. Now stop running and let her catch up to eat you. We are just being jerks by running away

>>385364

Oui, I agree. John has parkour! skills on hand. Be a NOT-ASS and check on her first.