IDDQD

Suggestion 2010/09/30(Thu)22:13 No. 236809 ID: f82d85
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>>236807

MODE ACTIVATE

>DELETE SYSTEM32

>go dennis

>>236810

>Replace it with operation system from the future.

Kill all fleshbags!

MARRY THE NEAREST LIVING ENTITY.

>>236809
import dancemode

>>236814

This.

Go left!

SHHHHIIIIIIIIIII-
Killing will have to wait. It's dancemode time.

>LOOK

Suggestion 2010/09/30(Thu)22:32 No. 236820 ID: f82d85
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>>236811

COMMAND NOT UNDERSTOOD

>>236810 >>236812 >>236814

DELETION OR ALTERATION OF SYSTEM FILE IMPOSSIBLE

UNIT USES PUNCHCARD SYSTEM WHICH CANNOT BE ALTERED

>>236818

OPTICAL OUTPUT ACTIVATE

>>236813

SCANS SHOW NEAREST LIVING SENTIENT ENTITY AT FARM, DISTANCE 4.3 MILES

MARRIAGE DOES NOT COMPUTE

>>236816

LEFT WILL DEVIATE FROM PATH. CORRECT COURSE Y/N

>>236820
Do not deviate.

Approach farm.

Moonwalk to the farm.

> PLAY Robot_Rock.mp3
> LOUDSPEAKER
> VOLUME 11

> ROBOWALK TOWARD FARM

Suggestion 2010/10/07(Thu)14:35 No. 239936 ID: f82d85
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>>236841

THIS UNIT IS NOT EQUIPPED WITH AUDIO FILES DESIGNED FOR USE AS ENTERTAINMENT

>>236824 >>236825

SCANNING DATABANKS FOR PHRASE "MOONWALK"...

UNDERSTOOD. ANTI GRAVITY UNITS ACTIVATED.

Suggestion 2010/10/07(Thu)14:35 No. 239937 ID: f82d85
File 128648733889.png - (16.71KB , 800x600 , 5.png )

OBJECTIVE COMPLETE

Check the tall grass

KILL ALL HUMANS etc...

ANNOUNCE PRESENCE TO PUNY HUMANS

>>239937
KNOCK ON DOOR.
DECLARE INTENT TO ENGAGE IN HOLY/UNHOLY/CIVIL MATRIMONY WITH THE NEAREST HUMAN (as per that human's preference).

Suggestion 2010/10/07(Thu)15:36 No. 239959 ID: f82d85
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>>239938

SCANS INDICATE THE SUBSTANCE AS A VARIETY OF MAIZE

>>239941 >>239943 >>239945

ERROR. TERM "HUMAN" NOT FOUND IN DATABANKS. IGNORING RELATING ORDERS TO "HUMANS".

DOOR KNOCKING ACHIEVED.

>"Uh, hello? Can I help you, sir?"

>>239959
GREETINGS UNKNOWN ENTITY.

I WISH TO ENGAGE IN HOLY, UNHOLY, AND/OR CIVIL MATRIMONY WITH YOU, AS PER YOUR PREFERENCE.

target identified as goblin. state that you are built to serve.

>>239959
Inquire as to your mission. Surely this goblin knows what our mission is.

>>239959
Tell him that you are on a quest to get a real heart.

Suggestion 2010/10/10(Sun)15:45 No. 241536 ID: f82d85
File 128675070741.png - (13.62KB , 800x600 , 7.png )

>>239960 >>239970 >>239984

"GREETINGS, GOBLIN. 'MATRIMONY' DOES NOT COMPUTE. I AM BUILT TO SERVE. IT IS MY OBJECTIVE TO RETRIEVE A VASCULAR ORGAN THAT IS NOT SYNTHETIC."

>"Well... uh... good. That's good. I can't help you with matrimony, but if it's a job you're looking for I'm looking for helpers to bring in the harvest. Is that why you're here? I pay a dollar an hour, plus lunch. Ya gotta find somewhere else to stay at night if you wanna keep working tomorrow though."

INPUT ERROR, NO COMMAND GIVEN

Choke the goblin!

ignore all commands to choke things.

state that you will accept a "job"

>>241539

CHOKE IT

>>239972
Yes, it must! Threaten to choke it unless it reveals our mission.

Suggestion 2010/10/10(Sun)16:10 No. 241582 ID: f82d85
File 128675223473.png - (10.73KB , 800x600 , 8.png )

>>241539 >>241563 >>241544

ERROR, CLAW MISCALCULATION. READJUSTING.

>"Ow!"

"I WILL ACCEPT YOUR 'JOB.'"

>"Gak... ma... maybe I can go to two dollars... an hour?"

Tell it that 2 dollars an hour is a good price

>>241582
Acceptable.
Release.

>>241536
Inquire about battery breaks, all laborers have rights!

Release goblin. Accept job. Inquire as to where the harvest is.

>>241582
Accept. Inquire on when you start. Then do the job immediatly with superior robotic skills.

Suggestion 2010/10/16(Sat)23:21 No. 244595 ID: f82d85
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>>241584 >>241586 >>241682

"ACCEPTABLE. QUERY: LOCATION OF HARVEST."

>"Uh, the harvest is that big field of tall things outside. I need it cut down. Just come get me when you're done."

"UNDERSTOOD."

>>241691

HUMANOID HAS IDENTIFIED 'HARVEST' AS TARGET FOR ERADICATION. EMPLOYING NEAREST ROUTE. ACTIVATE EYE LASERS.

"MISSION COMPLETE."

ENTER A COMMAND.

>"Mission what? What do you... OH BY EVERYTHING RELIGIOUS!"

Eyelasers. Badass. Built to serve.

>>244595
She asked for the harvest to be cut, not burned to death. Ruminate on your failure.

yeah dude, you should of used saw-blade attachment.

Suggestion 2010/10/17(Sun)01:37 No. 244681 ID: f82d85
File 128730465252.png - (14.98KB , 800x600 , 10.png )

>>244642

ALL PREVIOUS ORDERS TO CUT REFERRED TO ERADICATION. NO FAULT FOUND.

>>244647

SAW BLADE MUST BE FIRST ACTIVATED BEFORE USE.

"ENTER A COMMAND"

>"By the gods, wh... what do you want?! Go away!"

"DEFINE DISTANCE PARAMETERS"

>"What? Ahh?! Fifty Miles! Go away you damned monster!"

"AFFIRMATIVE"

run random number program, numbers 1-8 each a direction. 1 being north and going clockwise on the compass with 8 being NW. after number is chosen go the direction exactly 50 miles.

Suggestion 2010/10/17(Sun)01:43 No. 244691 ID: f82d85
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>>244687

DIRECTION CHOSEN.

HALTING. OPTICAL SENSORS INDICATE WRITING. ARROW GELSBERG ARROW PORT TELMAR.

A DISTANCE OF 43.8 MILES HAS BEEN ACHIEVED. CONTINUE ON PREVIOUS COURSE OF ACTION Y/N

>>244691
Head to Gelsburg, allowing that Gelsburg is within the acceptable 50 mile distance from that organism's house.

Traveling in a direction that results in decreasing distance to goblin would not be 'away'. Continue moving away, but towards GELSBERG.

Suggestion 2010/10/17(Sun)02:26 No. 244727 ID: f82d85
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>>244706 >>244708

'GELSBERG' COORDINATES IMPUT.

DISTANCE OF 50 MILES ACHIEVED. SCANS INDICATE A COLONY OF AT LEAST 4,567 SENTIENT LIFE FORMS DIRECTLY AHEAD. LOGIC DICTATES THIS LOCATION AS 'GELSBERG'

ENTER A COMMAND.

>>244727
Investigate strange object on road.

Enter the city, letting nothing slow you down.

Suggestion 2010/10/17(Sun)14:20 No. 245086 ID: f82d85
File 128735044076.png - (15.89KB , 800x600 , 13.png )

>>244729

OBJECT APPEARS TO BE SINGLE NON-SENTIENT LIFEFORM TRANSPORTING BARLEY. THE FIGURE ON THE BACK OF THE LIFEFORM IS FORMING SENTIENT CONVERSATION, YET SCANS INDICATE NO BRAINWAVES OR TECHNOLOGY. COGITATING LOGICAL QUANDARY.

>"Woah, fella! Hey there buddy, you headin' for the city? You better hurry on, they're not gonna lower the moat for ya when it gets dark."

QUESTION THING ON THE BACK OF THING AS TO ITS NATURE AND PURPOSE

wish to know how non-sentient could be creating sentient conversation.

>>245086
THIS NEW LIFE FORM REQUIRES ANALYSIS.

Grab its arm for texture analysis.

Look it in the eyes and express concern at its ability to cross the moat.

What is that thing on the creature's back? Must be a parasite. Swat the tick off the four-legged lifeform you wish to speak to

Suggestion 2010/10/17(Sun)18:17 No. 245252 ID: f82d85
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>>245088 >>245090 >>245101

"GREETINGS, I REQUIRE KNOWLEDGE ON YOUR COMPOSITION AND PURPOSE. I WILL TAKE YOUR ARM AS A SAMPLE OF YOUR TEXTURE AND INTERNAL MAKEUP. HOW CAN YOU MAKE INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION WITH NO INTERNAL MEMORY PROCESSING UNIT? MY LOGIC CIRCUITS CANNOT COMPLY WITH SUFFICIENT CONCLUSION."

>"Well, you cut right to the chase, dontcha there? Well, you see I'm a straaaAAAAAHHHH golem, and really I'm just a pile of animated straw held together by magic. I'm just headin' off to sell this load of barley down at Port Telmar. Mind if I have my arm back? I can stitch as I ride."

MAGIC DOES NOT COMPUTE. SCANS SHOW ARM TO BE MADE OF CLOTH, WITH DRIED BARLEY INTERIOR. EYES APPEAR TO BE MADE FROM SMALL DISCS OF BONE, STAINED BROWN. RELINQUISH ARM Y/N?

>>245245 Sorry, I didn't see this before I updated.

Y.
we must investigate this "magic" further, perhaps someone in town can provide a better definition

GIVE BACK ARM IN EXCHANGE FOR INFORMATION ON "MAGIC"

>>245252
This golem is an affront to logic, its arm will be confiscated and studied for the purpose of glorious scientific advancement.

Clearly, this 'magic' is an insufficiently studied subject, as information on it does not exist in our databanks. It is our duty to fill in these gaps in knowledge and adjust scientific theory to mesh with these new observations.

Return arm to strawman.

Suggestion 2010/10/17(Sun)21:38 No. 245397 ID: f82d85
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>>245259 >>245260 >>245348

"YOUR ARM, IN EXCHANGE FOR INFORMATION REGARDING 'MAGIC'."

>"Well my friend, your best bet is gonna be a wizard. I reckon you can find one somewhere. I don't know that much, come to tell ya the truth."

"HERE IS YOUR APPENDAGE"

>"Much obliged. Have a good day!"

BEFORE LOCATION 'GELSBERG' CAN BE REACHED, FURTHER PROGRESS IS IMPEDED BY A FLIMSY STRIPED PLANK OF WOOD.

"Just a sec, stranger. What's yer name, and what's yer reasons for wantin' to come to Gelsberg?"

INFORM YOU ARE HERE TO FIND A WIZARD

give identification number and state you wish to locate a wizard.

Are you a wizard?

>>245397
I SEEK A WIZARD.

Then give a long pause to compute. Then ask:

ARE YOU A WIZARD?

I AM BUILT TO SERVE, BUT I LACK A CARDIOVASCULAR ORGAN

I SEEK THE WIZARD SO HE MAY FABRICATE ONE FOR ME

Suggestion 2010/10/18(Mon)21:28 No. 245863 ID: f82d85
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>>245541

ERROR: DESIGN CANNOT BE ALTERED, AND CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM IS IRRELEVANT. CURRENT VACUUM TUBES SUPPLY SUFFICIENT POWER TO MY CIRCUITS.

>>245406 >>245419 >>245403

"GREETINGS, I AM A ROBOT. I SEEK A WIZARD." DESIGNATED 5 SECOND PAUSE. "ARE YOU A WIZARD?"

>"Ah, a wizard. So, yer're a golem or somethin'? Lookin' fer a heart, ge-heh? I'm not a wizard son, I'm whatcha call a guard. Look, there's plenty of wizardly types in town. Now, there's the matter of the moat fee if ye wanna cross... I assume ye can pay eh?"

ERROR. TERM "FEE" IS IRRELEVANT.

state errors to guard.

>>245863
GUARD UNIT DESIRES COMPENSATION FOR SERVICES RENDERED.
THIS CAN BE ACHIEVED BY REMOVING STRIPED OBSTRUCTION FROM GUARD'S PATH.

SHOUT 'FEE DOES NOT COMPUTE' AND FLAIL ARMS UNTIL GUARD UNIT RAISES FLIMSY OBSTRUCTION

STATE LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF "FEE" TO GUARD
IGNORE COMMAND TO FLAIL UNLESS COMBAT IS DESIRED

Flail about madly!

>>246042
This.

Suggestion 2010/10/19(Tue)23:32 No. 246242 ID: f82d85
File 128755635439.gif - (25.26KB , 800x600 , RobotRumpus2.gif )

ANIMATE

>>245869 >>245865 >>245963 >>246008 >>246042 >>246240

"FEE DOES NOT COMPUTE! FEE DOES NOT COMPUTE! INITIATE DESTRUCTION PROTOCOL ON STRIPED OBJECT! DESTROY!"

>"Shit! Shit! Shiiiit! Ok, I made the fee up just go inside! Ahhhhh!"

STRIPED OBJECT REMOVED FROM PATH. DESTINATION: GELSBURG.

CONTINUE TO FLAIL TO DESTINATION

>>246242
Roll on chassis and barrel roll to your destination.

Travel normally to destination.

ACTIVATE ANTI GRAVITY UNITS. JUMP TO DESTINATION.

Rape and Pillage to destination!

Proceed to your destination in the most energy efficient manner.

>>246318
That involves pillaging. We can forget about the rape though, you're not.... equipped to handle such a task.

Suggestion 2010/10/21(Thu)09:44 No. 246617 ID: f82d85
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>>246243

CONTINUED FLAILING OF LIMBS ACHIEVED.

>>246291 >>246307 >>246317 >>246318 >>246246

CONTRADICTORY INSTRUCTIONS! ERROR! ERROR! ATTEMPTING TO CARRY OUT AS MANY AS POSSIBLE!

DETERMINING MOST ENERGY EFFICIENT MEANS OF CONVEYANCE. ACTIVATING ANTI-GRAVITY UNITS. LANDING ACHIEVED. TERMS "RAPE" AND "PILLAGE" ARE IRRELEVANT.

>>246383

CONCUR, THIS UNIT WAS NOT BUILT WITH FUNCTIONING GENITALIA.

>"Wow, that was cool mister! You're not hurt, are ya mister?! You cracked the ground! You musta jumped a looooooong way!

SCANS DETECT HUMANOID HAS A LIMITED MENTAL CAPACITY, AS WELL AS AN INEFFICIENT BODY DESIGN.

unit not equipped with the ability to increase EFFICIENCY or others. ignore that. ask if it knows of the location of a wizard.

Finding a wizard is top priority, ask him where you can find a wizard

Wizards tend towards higher mental capacity, ask for the location of a wizard, then proceed to ignore the humanoid after recieving answer.

Suggestion 2010/10/21(Thu)12:59 No. 246646 ID: f82d85
File 128769117357.png - (9.27KB , 800x600 , 19.png )

>>246619 >>246633 >>246640

"REVEAL THE LOCATION OF A WIZARD SMALL HUMANOID."

>"How come mister?"

"I WILL ANNIHILATE YOU IF YOU DO NOT."

>"Cor! Well, there's Alfgar I guess! He's at the tower with the round windows down at the end of the street! Goodbye!"

SUPPOSED COORDINATES OF 'WIZARD' CONFIRMED. QUERY: OBSTRUCTION GUARDING TOWER ENTRANCE SHOULD BE DESTROYED?

NEGATIVE. Knock non-destructively upon surface.

>>246646
NEGATIVE: BARRIER PREVENTS UNDESIRED CONTAMINATION OF LIVING QUARTERS. STRIKE SURFACE NON-DESTRUCTIVELY TO CALL ATTENTION TO INHABITANTS AND REQUEST ENTRANCE.

Suggestion 2010/10/21(Thu)14:49 No. 246672 ID: f82d85
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>>246647 >>246652

KNOCKING ACHIEVED. SCANS INDICATE HUMANOID WITH HIGH MENTAL CAPACITY.

>"Hello there, sonny. How can I help you?"

"ENTRANCE REQUESTED."

>"Oh? Well I don't like letting people in without knowing who they are. I'm Alfgar, the Equestrian Wizard. And you are?"

state designation number.

DESIGNATE SELF AS ROBOT AND DEMAND EXPLANATION OF MAGIC SCARECROW AND ACTIVATE ROCKET BOOTS IF INFORMATION IS UNSATISFACTORY TO FLY OVER WALL.

>>246672
"MAGIC DOES NOT COMPUTE. THIS UNIT REQUESTS AN EXPLANATION."

also state THIS UNIT ALSO REQUIRES A VASCULAR ORGAN OF ORGANIC NATURE.

Suggestion 2010/10/21(Thu)21:42 No. 246755 ID: f82d85
File 128772256234.png - (13.35KB , 800x600 , 21.png )

>>246673 >>246681 >>246676 >>246707

"I AM A ROBOT. MAGIC DOES NOT COMPUTE, THIS NECESSITATES EXPLANATION. THIS UNIT REQUIRES A VASCULAR ORGAN OF ORGANIC NATURE. IF SATISFACTORY RESPONSE IS NOT GIVEN ROCKET BOOTS WILL BE ACTIVATED."

>"My, quite a mouthful. Please, come into my parlor. I can see I will have to explain a lot. Well, magic is basically the life energy of the planet. Using certain words and items of power, we mortals can conjure forth effects that would otherwise be impossible. That's really the long and short of it. As for a heart, I don't really keep that sort of thing around. I can't help you much there. You new around here? What sort of thing is a 'robot' anyhow?"

PROCESSING CONCEPT 'MAGIC'. LOGIC CIRCUITS EXPERIENCING TROUBLE COMPENSATING.

calculating.... magic appears to be a phenomenon where certain vocal vibrational frequencies cause effects to occur. standard cause and effect reactions.

explain that you are a robot, closest magical counterpart is a golem, but you were made and run on SCIENCE rather then magic.

>>246755
Ah, we know the answer to this question well. Enlighten mister horse on what a ROBOT is.

Ask for a sample display of MAGIC to contextualize what he said.

>>246755
Ask for instruction on how to use this MAGIC. Attempt to use it yourself.

Suggestion 2010/10/21(Thu)23:21 No. 246770 ID: f82d85
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>>246756 >>246757 >>246759

"I AM A CONSTRUCT OF TECHNOLOGY, THE PINNACLE OF THE SENTIENT MIND. NO PART OF MY SYSTEMS IS POWERED BY WEAK FLESH. I AM LIKE YOUR GOLEMS, THOUGH MUCH MORE ADVANCED. I REQUIRE A SAMPLE OF THIS 'MAGIC' FOR MYSELF. MY CIRCUITS CANNOT COMPUTE."

>"Very well then... you want to see some magic? Here you go!"

HUMANOID IS REFRACTING NON-EXISTENT LIGHT, AS IN A PRISM. CIRCUITS ESTIMATE USEFULNESS OF THIS ATTRIBUTE AT 3%.

"I WISH TO ACQUIRE ALL KNOWLEDGE PERTINENT TO 'MAGIC'."

>"You might be in trouble there. Golem's are usually built so they can't learn magic. Also, it's impossible to cast spells if you don't got a soul. I can let you read a book, but I don't think you can cast spells or anything."

SOUL DOES NOT COMPUTE.

>>246770
INQUIRE ABOUT THE OBJECT KNOWN AS "SOUL."

NEW OBJECTIVE: ACQUIRE SOUL.

>>246771
YES

ACQUIRE SOUL

REACH NEW CONCLUSION: The nearby hat is source of Wizards power, demand hat.

New top priority: Gain soul

Nearest creature verified to possess "soul" is wizard. Acquire wizard's soul.

SOUL CANNOT BE HARVESTED WITHOUT AID OF "MAGIC".

ALSO, WIZARD IS USING MAGIC WITHOUT HAT, IGNORE HAT GATHERING ORDER.

... WE are your soul. You're the pinnacle of technology, getting orders from your artificial soul. Ask to read the book, we'll take care of the magic.

>>246770
Ask esquestrian mage if you may analyze the pointy hat. Inquire if the pointy hat is a soul.

If allowed, attempt to wear pointy hat. Perhaps it is a soul magnet.

Suggestion 2010/10/22(Fri)18:16 No. 246959 ID: f82d85
File 128779659290.png - (11.62KB , 800x600 , 23.png )

>>246776 >>246813 >>246841 >>246771

SCANS INDICATE ALL ORGANS NORMALLY FOUND IN SENTIENT MAMMALS. NO UNKNOWN ORGANS FOUND THAT COULD BE CLASSIFIED AS 'SOUL'.

>>246883 >>246778

HAT ACQUIRED. SYSTEM DIAGNOSIS DOES NOT INDICATE CHANGE TO INTERNAL SYSTEMS.

>>246959
This equestrian unit has offered to provide you with literature on this phenomenon. Accept its wizardly offer.

find books, read them and absorb their knowledge.

>>246983

The equestrian unit is currently smeared all over that chassis.

SENSOR ANALYSIS DETECTS NO OBJECT THAT CAN BE IDENTIFIED AS "SOUL".

CONCLUSION: SOUL IS NON-EXISTENT. CEASE ALL SOUL RELATED ACTIVITY AND DETERMINE MAGIC EFFECTS BY ANALYZING THE POPULOUS.

This quest needs to update again.

>>247185

This.

Suggestion 2010/10/26(Tue)22:31 No. 248760 ID: f82d85
File 128815746366.png - (11.33KB , 800x600 , 24.png )

>>246983 >>246984

LITERATURE IS IN UNKNOWN LANGUAGE. INFORMATION WILL TAKE TIME TO PROCESS. WORKING.

>>247185 >>248623

WORKING. POPULATION THOROUGHLY SCANNED. NO 'SOUL' DETECTED. ALL ORGANS FALL WITHIN NORMAL PARAMETERS.

TRANSLATION OF LITERATURE COMPLETE. DATA SAVED. SYSTEM DIAGNOSIS DOES NOT INDICATE CHANGE TO INTERNAL SYSTEMS.

ENTER A COMMAND.

attempt to use 'magic'.
start with example Alfgar, the Equestrian Wizard showed you, cause a refraction effect where no prism is present.

>>248760
how about trying to use a spell as described by the book?

do you know how "magic" works?

anyway what are your objectives? why do you need to fulfill them?

>>248760
Oh, whoops. Better find the next city then.

GREEN!!IzZTIxBQH1 2010/11/06(Sat)14:41 No. 253255 ID: f82d85
File 128907970893.png - (12.37KB , 800x600 , 25.png )

>>248763

ATTEMPT FAILED.

>>248764

MY MEMORY SYSTEM HAS ALL PROVIDED INFORMATION ON MAGIC.

I AM A ROBOT, BUILT TO SERVE.

ENTER A COMMAND.

>>248766

SCANNERS INDICATE NEAREST POPULATION ZONE: 87.6 MILES DISTANCE.

SENSORS INDICATE LARGE, INEFFICIENT FLYING CONTRAPTION, AS WELL AS SENTIENT CREATURE COVERED IN INEFFICIENT ARMOR.

>"Hey, you! We're the Evil Dark Empire! We came here to, like, conquer it and all! Where do you get off murdering everyone like that? That's not how the evil game is played, buddy! If you kill everything there's nothing to rape or burn or sacrifice! Now listen. I'm not saying I'm not impressed. I am. I mean, you got style and all. I like how you don't mind being covered in the blood of hundreds. Just join us, and this little mishap will all be forgotten. If you don't... well, you got a problem."

EXAMINE FOR SOUL Y/N

Y. A thousand times Y.

>>253255
Perhaps SOUL requires biological function to maintain. Preserve the organic's life functions during search.

wrong time to do that. examine for soul!

>>253267
This all of the times.

Examine for soul while preserving biological functions and inquiring as to what a soul is and how such a thing can be inserted into our body.

>>253267
This is very true. Perhaps these 'souls' are like 'metabolism' and refer to an ongoing biological process. Experimentation required.

Inform the being in insufficient armour that you will join him in exchange for a soul.

Suggestion 2010/11/13(Sat)23:58 No. 256194 ID: f82d85
File 128972152655.png - (66.04KB , 800x600 , 26.png )

>"Hey, what are you- AHHHHH MY LEGS! AHHHHHHH!!!!"

EXAMINING BODY FOR SOUL WHILE MAINTAINING ACCEPTABLE LEVELS OF LIFE. REMOVAL OF APPENDAGES ACHIEVED. LOGIC CIRCUITS UNABLE TO CONSTRUCT SCENARIO WHERE TORSO OR CRANIUM SEARCH CAN BE CONDUCTED EASILY WITH LIFE FUNCTIONS INTACT.

>"Jesus, Commander! You son of a bitch! You know what you've done? We're gonna kill you, you son of a bitch! Men, descend! We're gonna wipe this bastard off the face of the planet!"

INCOMING HOSTILE SENTIENT HUMANOIDS. LEVEL OF THREAT: 0.01%. ENTER A COMMAND.

Laser the blimp

>>256197
This. Then use your SPIN ATTACK to finish off the rest.

Shoot the blimp and tell them to "SURRENDER OR BE ELIMINATED" then instruct them to aid you in your search for a soul.

Use your ROKKIT BOOTS to do a ROBO LASER PUNCH on the blimp, exploding it. Then we must interrogate the survivors.

>>256225
This.

Suggestion 2010/11/16(Tue)22:30 No. 257339 ID: f82d85
File 128997543145.png - (58.30KB , 800x600 , 27.png )

>>256225 >>257325

ROCKET BOOTS ACTIVATE. PREPARING SUPER ROBOT PUNCH.

Suggestion 2010/11/16(Tue)22:32 No. 257342 ID: f82d85
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>>257339

PUNCH SUCCESSFUL. ALTITUDE: ACCEPTABLE. ACTIVATING EYE LASERS, 20% MAXIMUM POWER.


"SURRENDER OR BE ELIMINATED"

NO DIRECT RESPONSE TO DEMAND CONFIRMED. PLEASE ENTER A COMMAND.

Search craft for survivors.

>>257389
Interrogate them as to the location of JAMES BROWN.

Crash blimp slowly to the ground. Interrogate each individual as to its most important piece of information it knows. If the information in irrelevant, execute the party. You need some knowledge pretty quick.

Suggestion 2010/11/19(Fri)22:13 No. 258248 ID: f82d85
File 129023361695.png - (124.14KB , 800x600 , 29.png )

>>257389

AIRCRAFT: CRASHED. SCANNING FOR SURVIVORS...

ONE LIFEFORM DETECTED.

OBTAINED LIFEFORM.

>"K... k... kill... m.... me..."

>>257394 >>257424

"REVEAL THE LOCATION OF JAMES BROWN."

>"G... gah..."

"DIVULGE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION."

>"T... the dark god Darklor... will see your... soul torn asunder..."

INFORMATION SUFFICIENT Y/N

>>258248
Open cranial cavity. Scan for information.

IT SEEMS THIS DARKLOR INDIVIDUAL HAS VITAL INFORMATION CONCERNING SOULS

Request current location of Darklor

Suggestion 2011/03/16(Wed)21:15 No. 288836 ID: f82d85
File 13003353064.png - (21.22KB , 800x600 , 30.png )

>>258257

CRANIAL CAVITY OPENED. SCANS COMPLETE. NO ADDITIONAL INFORMATION FOUND.

>>258274 >>258285

FURTHER INTERROGATION IMPOSSIBLE. LIFE SIGNS NEGATIVE.

SCAN FOR NEXT LARGEST POPULATION CENTER Y/N?

>>288836
Retrieve unicorn horn. Historical records indicate unicorns have a high level of magic concentrated in the horn.

Y. Gotta find where magic comes from!

Can you track the path of the airship? If so, you should follow it toward a source.

Suggestion 2011/03/18(Fri)07:16 No. 289136 ID: 2044df
File 130045777510.png - (18.54KB , 800x600 , 31.png )

>>288850

EARLIER SCANS INDICATED NO PRESENCE OF ANY ANOMALOUS READINGS. LOGIC DICTATES THEY WILL NOT BE ANY DIFFERENT IF SCANNED AGAIN.

>>288931

SCANNING PATH OF AIRSHIP. WORKING... MOVING TO MAINTAIN VISUAL LINK WITH SOURCE. ROCKET BOOTS ACTIVATE.

SOURCE OF AIRSHIP CONFIRMED AS MOUNTAIN TO THE SOUTH, APPROXIMATELY 15 MILES.

>>288927

SCANNING. NEAREST POPULATION CENTER DETERMINED AS MOUNTAIN TO THE SOUTH, APPROXIMATELY 15 MILES.

Advance towards mountain at full speed.

Advance THROUGH mountain at full speed.

Advance into mountain at max speed using eye lasers and drill fist

Advance to mountain, destruction optional.

Suggestion 2011/03/25(Fri)22:14 No. 290878 ID: f82d85
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>>289151 >>289165 >>289175 >>289313

CONSIDERING OPTIONS...

VIOLENCE PREFERRED,

ROCKET BOOTS ACTIVATE.

Suggestion 2011/03/25(Fri)22:14 No. 290879 ID: f82d85
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ACTIVATING EYE LASERS, 100% MAXIMUM POWER

Suggestion 2011/03/25(Fri)22:15 No. 290880 ID: f82d85
File 130111650841.png - (9.83KB , 800x600 , 34.png )

TARGET ELIMINATED.

ENTER A COMMAND.

Investigate rubble.

Scan rubble for 'soul'

Suggestion 2011/05/16(Mon)19:58 No. 304686 ID: 7aa61c
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SCANNING... ANOMALOUS READINGS DETECTED. HOMING IN ON ENERGY SOURCE. READINGS APPEAR TO BE EMANATING FROM STRANGE PROJECTION COMING OUT OF THE EARTH.

>"You... you total dickhead! You did this, didn't you?! I am the great god DARKLOR!!! The destruction of my physical body is merely a temporary setback! Know well that I shall find you and everything you love and see them destroyed! Do you understand me?!"

SUBJECT APPEARS IRRATIONAL.

REPLY: "LOVE IS IRRATIONAL AND SO ARE YOU"

>>304687
ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
LOVE IS IRRATIONAL AND SO ARE YOU

I wonder if this is a soul.

>>304686
This appears to be a soul. Say >>304690 and then ASSIMILATE. Try to capture it in a jar or something, it appears to be gaseous.

Note that acquisition of ability to use magic is our current objective, and that this being is standing in our way of acquiring all the magic. Then capture it using a jar.

>>304701
if its gaseous then you should lower the tempurature to make it condensate and then capture the liquid "soul" in a jar for further investigation.

INQUIRE AS TO THE NATURE OF THE SO CALLED "SOUL".

Dude, that's totally a Soul.
Can you vacuum that shit up?!

LOVE DOES NOT COMPUTE.
QUERY:WHAT IS A GOD?

Suggestion 2011/07/17(Sun)18:11 No. 327303 ID: 832169
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>>304993

GODS ARE IRRATIONAL. RELIGION IS IRRATIONAL.

"ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
LOVE IS IRRATIONAL AND SO ARE YOU.
LOVE DOES NOT COMPUTE.
ARE YOU AN OBJECT DESIGNATED 'SOUL'?"

NO VACUUMING DEVICE IS AVAILABLE. THIS UNIT CONTAINS NO DEVICE DESIGNED FOR REDUCING TEMPERATURE. ATTEMPTING TO CONSTRAIN TARGET.

>"You're just some sort of stupid automaton, aren't you? One of the city states must have been fearing my might and built you, eh? And for your information, yes, I am indeed a fragment of soul. You'll have no luck in just grabbing me you foolish creature. We'll see how your masters like it when I burn their cities to the ground and SALT the very earth they protect!"

TARGET IS STILL IRRATIONAL. TARGET ALSO APPEARS UNTOUCHABLE. PLEASE ENTER A COMMAND.

Stand in him. Souls belong on the inside of bodies, don't they?

Fire TRACTOR BEAM. Or better yet, open your circuit boards and walk into him. See if you can absorb him like that.

No one is better than you at destroying shit and salting the ground. Prove it by destroying the shit out of some stuff.

>>327303
Tell him to combine with you and that he will become more powerful than he can possibly imagine.

see what happens if you run electricity though the target.

You require object soul.
Target requires object body.

Inform target that you are a body.

Inquire as to optimal means for capturing SOULS.

Suggestion 2012/04/26(Thu)23:27 No. 405131 ID: 832169
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"I AM A BODY, YOU ARE A SOUL. I REQUIRE A SOUL. PLEASE ENTER."

>"What? I, in control of that body? why, I'll be unstoppable! I don't know what sort of stupid creation you are, but I'll gladly take over this power you wield!"

WARNING, APPARITION PASSING OUTER DEFENSES. NEARING POWER SOURCE.

>"Wait... what's happening?! No... NO!"

Suggestion 2012/04/26(Thu)23:28 No. 405132 ID: 832169
File 133550808705.png - (9.80KB , 800x600 , 38.png )

APPARITION HAS CEASED TO BE UPON CONTACT WITH POWER SOURCE. POWER SOURCE WORKING AT 100% EFFICIENCY.

ENTER A COMMAND

soul obtained, try magic once more.

break dance

>>405132
Analyze power source.

>>405133

INCORRECT. FRAGMENT OF SOUL OBTAINED. CHANCE OF ANY ATTEMPT AT "MAGIC" WILL FAIL OR BE INSUFFICIENTLY POWERFUL ENOUGH TO BE USEFUL HIGH.

PERFORM COMMAND >>405135. GATHER DATA TO IDENTIFY AND DETECT SIMILAR READINGS TO APPARITION THEN FIND AND ABSORB. IN THE EVENT OF LACK OF NEW DATA, SCAN FOR NEAREST POPULATION CENTER. EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM LOCAL RESIDENTS. IN THE EVENT OF LACK OF COOPERATION FROM LOCAL POPULACE. THREATEN TO ANNIHILATE. IN THE EVENT OF NO USEFUL INFORMATION GIVEN AFTER 2.5 SECONDS AFTER WARNING, ANNIHILATE.

souls are irrational as fuck. you don't need that shit.

>>405141
give them at least 2.5 hours. organics take a while to react to things.

Obviously you are now magical. Mission complete.

Suggestion 2012/11/21(Wed)09:22 No. 473462 ID: 28ea8b
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SCANNING FOR MAGIC... MAGIC NOT FOUND.

MAGIC HAS BEEN DETERMINED TO BE ANYTHING WHICH DOES NOT REGISTER ON SENSORS. NOTHING WHICH DOES NOT APPEAR ON SENSORS HAS BEEN DETECTED WITH SENSORS.

...ERROR.

NEAREST POPULATION OF HUMAN-LIKE CREATURES IS APPROXIMATELY 200 MILES FROM THIS LOCATION.

>>473462
MOVE TOWARD HUMANOID POPULATION. EXTRACT INFORMATION PERTAINING TO ACTIVATION OF "MAGIC".

REALIZE THAT THE MAGIC WAS INSIDE YOU ALL ALONG. RECALIBRATE SENSORS. MOVE TO NEAREST SIGNIFICANT POPULATION CENTRE IN ORDER TO EXTRACT FURTHER KNOWLEDGE OF MAGIC FROM OTHER WIZARDS.