Well wake them up so you can have a proper go at him. Geeze.

>>23132
Sit on their face until they die.
Or be less juvenile and smother them with something.

Sneak up on the target. Hold machete over head. Wait for target to wake up, then scream and chop target to tiny pieces.

??? 2009/08/05(Wed)10:36 No. 23151 ID: 227d44
File 12494937698.jpg - (25.16KB , 846x600 , 2.jpg )

>>23133
Wake him up? Heh...I wish I could. He's been "sleeping" for about 30 minutes by now, whoever he is.

>>23140
Why would I do that? He's already dead.

>>23142
I am not a serial killer, good sir. And besides, what is the point of hacking a body into many pieces if the person is already dead? It would be a waste of energy.

Let's see that sheet again...

??? 2009/08/05(Wed)10:38 No. 23152 ID: 227d44
File 124949389960.jpg - (29.77KB , 846x600 , 3.jpg )

>>23151
Robert Kade...age eight? Fuck. I hate dealing with kids... He apparently died of cancer. Damn shame. So young...

>>23152
Extract soul, send it along.

Reaver!mE1ODcDVTM 2009/08/05(Wed)10:40 No. 23156 ID: fb5d8e
File 124949403654.png - (21.70KB , 846x600 , L1.png )

Leaver, why you a busta?

Dead body? Get looting.

>>23151
Examine 'Z's on ground.

??? 2009/08/05(Wed)10:45 No. 23162 ID: 227d44
File 124949435738.png - (26.21KB , 846x600 , wut.png )

>>23156
What the fu-Reaver?! GTFO, I'm in disguise here!

??? 2009/08/05(Wed)10:54 No. 23171 ID: 227d44
File 124949484360.jpg - (28.01KB , 846x600 , 4.jpg )

>>23162
ANYWAY, I decide to shake the bed to wake him up. His soul, anyway. It's better to have them awake and consent to it, although we can take their souls forcefully. Its painful, though, and I really don't want this kid to suffer.

...


He isn't waking up.

>>23171
Right. Take no shit from a kid like that. Punch him so hard it wakes his soul up.

>>23171
Grab his shoulders and yell something about centipedes.

>>23171

Slap him lightly on the face.

??? 2009/08/11(Tue)11:53 No. 27726 ID: 227d44
File 125001679153.jpg - (24.84KB , 846x600 , 5.jpg )

>>23174
>>23184
>>27701
I don't know...I don't like hitting kids, unlike you all...Who do you guys think I am, anyway? Orcus? That amateur Xolotl?

...Shit, I might actually have to take his soul by force. He just won't wake up.

>>27726

Got any water? Anything you could splash on his face? How about whispering/shouting into his ear?

??? 2009/08/11(Tue)12:04 No. 27737 ID: 227d44
File 125001745320.jpg - (23.16KB , 846x600 , 6.jpg )

>>27728
Ok, I'll try the latter option...

"hey kid. kid, wake up."

YES! He's awake!

??? 2009/08/11(Tue)12:04 No. 27740 ID: 227d44
File 125001748873.jpg - (23.19KB , 846x600 , 7.jpg )

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Fuck. Why do they always scream?

Maybe if you looked a little less threatening. Try a bunny mask next time.

>>27726
>Who do you guys think I am
Deathstroke the Terminator?

>>27740
Tell him to stop screaming. This must be a misunderstanding. Tell him you're just here for his soul.

>>27740
scream with him. louder than him. If it's scream-off he wants, it's a scream-off he GETS

??? 2009/08/12(Wed)10:47 No. 28557 ID: 227d44
File 125009925590.jpg - (23.23KB , 846x600 , 8.jpg )

>>27817
Good idea! ...Although, I'll leave out the soul part for now. Don't want him freaking out again.

"Shh...it's alright, kid, just stop screaming."

Ok...he's stopped screaming, but he's still crying. I hate seeing kids like this. Tears me up inside, y'know?

"Wh...Who are you?"

Ok, gonna have to lie for this one...I need a fake name to tell him, something non-threatening...

>>28557
Santa. You're Santa.

>>28557
"I'm Batman."

>>28560
>>28564
"I'm SantaBatman."

You are clearly the toothfairy

We are toothfairysantabatman! Destroyer of worlds!

??? 2009/08/12(Wed)14:23 No. 28651 ID: 227d44
File 125011222836.jpg - (23.23KB , 846x600 , 9.jpg )

(I swear, if I miss one more FUCKING time)

Fine, I'll pretend to be something that this kid likes.

"I'm Santa!"

"You don't look like Santa!"

>>28651
"It's amazing what they do with diet pills these days, kiddo."

>>28651
Don't beleive everything you see on tv kid.

>>28651
If I weren't santa, I wouldn't be watching you while you sleep, would I? I have to do this to check my list right.

??? 2009/08/12(Wed)14:59 No. 28690 ID: 227d44
File 12501143751.jpg - (23.23KB , 846x600 , 10.jpg )

>>28678
"Well, if I weren't Santa, I wouldn't be watching you while you sleep, would I? I have to do this to check my list right."

"...It's the middle of July!"

He seems to be catching on...

>>28690
I have to check early so I have enough time to double check my list.

>>28690
Then tell him the truth.
What is the truth, anyway?

>>28690
"Being santa is a full time job. I don't get summer off like you crazy kids these days do."

??? 2009/08/12(Wed)15:09 No. 28701 ID: 227d44
File 125011498967.jpg - (23.04KB , 846x600 , 11.jpg )

>>28695
I'm kind of tired of putting up with this act. It also occurs to me that I have neglected to reveal my name to you all.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)15:10 No. 28703 ID: 227d44
File 125011503622.jpg - (24.87KB , 846x600 , 12.jpg )

>>28701
Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste...

>>28703
... You're Richard Branson?

also, holy shit!

>>28703
Huh. So Santa was a good choice in name. It was an anagram.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)15:23 No. 28708 ID: 227d44
File 125011579435.jpg - (23.15KB , 846x600 , 13.jpg )

>>28704
I told you it was painful. I COULD have just led him along painlessly, but NO. They never come willingly. Fuck, I hate my job. I also burned a hole in the bed. Shit. THAT doesn't look suspicious.

>>28705
Truly, an interesting coincidence. Also, why did God slate this kid for damnation? I don't THINK he's done anything wrong...

>>28708
Pull back covers, find semen-covered sister?

lolidunno

>>28708
What kind of God are we talking here? Old or New Testament? If it's Old then I'm not surprised.

Also Satan why are you collecting souls? Don't you have demons and shit for that? I thought you'd be busy ruling hell and losing drinking contests to Dorfs.

>>28711
>loli dunno
What you did there.
I see it.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)15:43 No. 28729 ID: 227d44
File 125011698482.jpg - (15.64KB , 846x600 , satanblahblah.jpg )

>>28713
I don't know. He's acting like he did in the old testament; no(direct)smiting yet, however.

My demons are a bit mean with the souls. I mean, I understand that's what they do, but come ON. They're perpetuating the stereotype that all demons are evil bastards.

Ruling Hell isn't that tough. Very cushy job, except for times like this, of course.

I haven't lost a drinking contest since...well...I don't like to talk about it.

>I haven't lost a drinking contest since...well...I don't like to talk about it.

Was it that time you bet your arm on it to a Dorf?

>>28729
>They're perpetuating the stereotype that all demons are evil bastards.
They are not? Tell me, Satan, what role does Hell play? I though it a place of eternal torture for sinners. Being evil bastards would be a good thing, would it not?

>>28735
I thought he just wanted a place of his own. Then God got pissed.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)15:57 No. 28739 ID: 227d44
File 125011783956.jpg - (23.50KB , 846x600 , 14.jpg )

>>28735
Well, not ALL of us...I try to be nice...and it IS eternal torture for sinners, but...y'know, I try to give 'em a break once in a while...

>>28736
You're half right. I asked for co-godhood from, well, God, we flipped a coin for it, and I got Hell. Lucky fucking me. I still think he cheated.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)15:59 No. 28742 ID: 227d44
File 125011798843.jpg - (23.63KB , 846x600 , 15.jpg )

>>28739
Oh hey, it's Godwin, my trusty OTHER adviser.

"So, what now, boss? You're all done for today."

Um...what should I do?

>>28739
Give 'em a break? What. Satan, I think there are going to be some changes. Unless you're talking about a giant Hell party.
>>28742
Hey Godwin, care to list the average tortures for most sins? Murder and the like? Just the major ones.

>>28742
What else is on the docket for today? Maybe we'd best try to lighten our load while we're up here and give some money to some hobos or tell people to start repenting.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)16:20 No. 28749 ID: 227d44
File 125011922986.jpg - (17.85KB , 846x600 , GodwinBlahBlah.jpg )

>>28746
A giant hell party? Sounds...neat...

"Well, boss, Murder is being killed in the same way that you were killed over and over again, rape is...well, you don't want to know what that constitutes. Arson is being set on fire for all of eternity, and jaywalking is infinite lashings."

Ugh. How brutish.

>>28748
"Well, boss, you're pretty much done for today. As far as the jackass up there is concerned, you don't exist right now."

I really hate it when he badmouths God...

>>28749
So... what was that kid's sin?

And Satan, can you clarify what's mean by a "break"?

>>28749
Lets go do some good for the world.

Satan!pcYrvMH7N. 2009/08/12(Wed)16:36 No. 28759 ID: 227d44
File 125012018321.jpg - (15.48KB , 846x600 , 16.jpg )

>>28750
The card says blasphemy, but I doubt it. He went to church every Sunday and said his daily prayers...weird. Oh, and I mean a brief act of kindness.

>>28751
I don't know...God doesn't like me stealing his thunder...

>>28759
Fuck that. Just because you lose a coinflip you have to be bad guy? Come on dude, you're getting a bad rap and you know it. Lets do some good for the world. It'll make our job easier in the long run anyway.

>>28759
Well lets find something that's going to go horribly wrong, and set it right! Lets work some miracles, buddy.