TheH.Bros 2010/08/22(Sun)22:52 No. 221343 ID: b89b83
File 128254277923.jpg - (60.10KB , 798x578 , Greg D -2.jpg )

Greg would make his way over to the kitchen, a fierce rumbling in his belly. He got out the ingredients one-by-one. First the bread, followed some fresh from the can lettuce, a slice of square tomatoes, a slice o' cheddar then...

"Balls!" Greg proclaimed. "There's no god damn ham!" before slamming his tightly clinched fist on the table. The table lost one (1) heart in the process.

There was plenty of tofu-turkey slices in the fridge, but Greg hates tofu with a brilliant, fiery passion. It represented everything he hated about that passive-aggressive bitch he used to date.

Greg was a American, with no affiliations with Judaism, Islam or PETA and as such he wanted to gorge himself on some ham.

He had been such a failure in finding a new job, moving out of his ex's or even beating that damn game.

Greg was going to get his ham sandwich on, even if it kills him.

The question is, how will he do it?

Cut Scene: End

>>221343
Check fridge for BIZARRE RED SUBSTANCE.

Alternately, hit up a neighbor. They don't all hate you, right?

Suggestion 2010/08/22(Sun)23:14 No. 221354 ID: 903f16
File 128254405212.jpg - (193.84KB , 1600x941 , 06_sandvich.jpg )

No, a simple sandwich will not do. What you need, my boy, is a sandvich. Here's a diagram to help you construct one.

You'll still need that ham though. Go check your wallet and see if you've got a couple of bucks on hand. You should be able to pick some up at the local supermarket for five or so dollars.

TheH.Bros 2010/08/23(Mon)00:05 No. 221363 ID: b89b83
File 128254714314.jpg - (53.52KB , 798x498 , Greg D -3.jpg )

>>221354
*VOIP!*

"Shiiii..." Greg turned to look at his new poster. He doesn't exactly remember hanging such a poster or what the hell this "Team Fortress 2" was.

"This looks like just a... ... regular ass sandwich," Greg said to himself, "but with an added v for that German or perhaps Russian flare." Even so, all it did was make him hungry.

He decided to check his wallet to see if he had enough Ensars to just buy him some ham at the store.

"Fuck!" he stated, "I only have 32 ents!" In retrospect, he probably shouldn't have bought that sweet game but he'd never admit it. That game was just too fucking awesome.

>>221363
have anything you don't want anymore that you can pawn? like a memorabilia poster or something? Also what year is it and why is money not dollars and cents?

I bet one of his lame neighbors has a pot-belly pig. Let's slaughter that and make ham from it.

TheH.Bros 2010/08/23(Mon)13:25 No. 221466 ID: 7efee7
File 128259512232.png - (61.38KB , 798x470 , Greg-4.png )

>>221363
Greg had the strange urge to contemplate upon a few choice items. He knew that the year was 1698 P.E.M. What he wasn't sure why America's currency had such a weird name, instead of using something like Canadian Dollars, European Euros or Soviet Rubles. After all, his Thinkin's stat was only at a (5) five, which was average.

Of course, what he did know that his ex-girlfriend had bunch of crap he could pawn. She earned plenty of money and that bitch had it coming. Also, she had been rather vocal about kicking him out. Might as well seal the deal and burn every bridge possible.

Upon seeing those large, ominous doors, he was feeling a bit apprehensive. He hadn't been since the whole 'uppercutting incident'. After all, it wasn't really Greg's fault, but as always, Jenny turned this mole hill into a mountain.

Greg wondered if he should press forward.

have anything that could be used as a weapon? if so get it, if not then just go.

Press onward. The only way out is through.

TheH.Bros 2010/08/23(Mon)15:36 No. 221506 ID: 7efee7
File 128260300938.png - (61.54KB , 798x470 , Greg-5.png )

>>221467
>>221477

Greg reached over to grab the semi-decorative flower vase, his hands shaking as he begrudgingly pushed the door open.

"Ah, just like I remember it," he said to himself. He paused for a second before adding,
"Full of crap no one wants but her."

He scanned thoroughly across the room. Those Pretty Canyon Pony dolls from two decades ago may fetch a few Ensars, but you figure they have a decade or two more of waiting before they appreciate in value. Greg also had the sneaking suspicion that they were soiled, like the BDSM equipment.

"Maybe this closet might have something of value inside of it," he stated to himself. He looked at the closet long and hard, wondering if he should bother opening it. After all, she explicitly stated that if he ever opened the doors, she would 'ruin his day in ways you can't possibly imagine'.

>>221506
the day is ruined anyway if you don't get your hands on some ham.

it being soiled makes it MORE valuable if you know who would be a good buyer. in this case it should go to japan.

TheH.Bros 2010/08/23(Mon)17:07 No. 221532 ID: 6b8890
File 128260847520.png - (64.72KB , 798x470 , Greg-6.png )

>>221511
Greg paused and took glanced around at all the ponies that littered the room. He pondered aloud,
"Wait a minute... I can totally sell these to soiled ponies to Japan!" He expected the idea a little further and realized the logistics of it all and just how improbable it would be, especially since his ex shut off their internet as a 'motivator' to have him get a job. It also didn't help that he didn't know anyone locally that would interested in purchased soiled, old toy ponies.

>>221509
The ham was more important than whatever she vaguely had in store for him later. "To hell with this. I'm gonna up that fuckin' closet! FOR THE HAM!!!" he cried before slamming the door open.

Suddenly, a skeleton clutching a knife emerges from the closet, coming straight for him!

>>221532
shit, uhm, uppercut?

wait for it to swing, dodge and then counter upper-cut.

TheH.Bros 2010/08/23(Mon)20:01 No. 221568 ID: 6b8890
File 128261888312.png - (64.15KB , 796x470 , Greg-7.png )

"UP-PUH CUT"
Greg knocked the shit out of that skeleton
its head flew off and landed in the corner...
upon examination it was dead it was always dead and will probably stay dead forever.
Why she had a skeleton with a knife glued to its hand he may never know.

"Huh"
A finely crafted box lies in the corner, luckily unlocked, upon opening it he once again is reminded of his girl friends rather strong passion towards kids shows,
Greg sees a pair of solid gold hand cuffs.

"what Now?"

take the cuffs for selling. throw her dildoes into the garbage disposal. then get your game and system and flee the building.

>>221568
Just take everything, well almost everything you can leave the dildos. We can sell the solid gold cuffs at the pawn shop. Their value in gold should be more than enough to buy some ham.

>>221568
wait, is that a real human skeleton? it's probably worth something if it is.

TheH.Bros 2010/08/24(Tue)08:53 No. 221724 ID: e072fa
File 128266519241.png - (63.07KB , 796x470 , Greg-8.png )

>>221569
>>221571
>>221646

Greg snagged both volumes of the amateur-ly animated Pretty Canyon Ponies: XXX movies and then the golden handcuffs. He also grabbed onto the real human skull, figuring it would fetch a decent price. If it didn't, at least he could preform hilarious soliloquies.

He contemplating throwing the dildos into the garbage disposal, but he had a more subtle idea. He stood each of them on their bottoms in the base of the chest so that they were standing erect. "Hope she gets the message to go fuck herself," he commented aloud.

He paused for a brief moment to look at the Pretty Canyon Ponies. "I may need these stinky ponies as hostages in case I meet my ex at the door." He puts four (4) of them in his inventory. These toy ponies joined in with the previously snagged items as well as his wallet (complete with Clem & Slim's Fun Time Bar-cade Extravaganza, his Driver's ID and 32 ents), three (3) strike anywhere matches and a single smooth marble.

It was at this point that Greg realized that he was still in his wife-beater, awesome tube socks and pocket boxers. He quickly raced to his room and looked about at all his clothing, wondering what he should put on.

The leather jacket added one (1) heart to defense. The fancy dress shirt added +1 to Talkin's, but it couldn't be worn with the leather jacket, he'd look quite stupid.

There are two styles of undershirt, the plain undershirt and the "Yes" undershirt. Neither of them has an effect on stats.

There's two kinds of bottoms, regular denim jeans and a pair of denim shorts with knee pads permanently embedded into them. The denim jeans adds another page of inventory. The knee-pad shorts as a +1 to Whoopin's when using knee attacks (but will negate any Talkin's stat).

There's two kinds of shoes, some classic Buck Jailers, which adds +1 to Movin's and some official PUNCHFACE combat boots, which adds +1 Whoopin's when using feet.

There's also two head toppers as well, the propeller cap (which adds a +1 to Thinkin's) and the fedora (which adds a +1 to Talkin's).

Let's play dress up...

>>221724
Let's go with the fancy dress, shirt, "Yes" undershirt, regular denim jeans, PUNCHFACE combat boots, and the fedora. It's mostly a Talkin' build, but you can use your feet for Whoopin' people.

>>221902
sounds good, do that.