Who are we?

You are...

You CANNOT REMEMBER. This is very disconcerting. Perhaps there are some clues to one's identity somewhere...

Check POCKETS.
Check CLOTHINGS.
Check, if possible, VAGINA.

You are MALE. You look in your POCKETS.

YOU FOUND: WALLET!
YOU FOUND: 20 DOLLARS!
YOU FOUND....
NO ID!

You check your CLOTHING.
YOU FOUND: SIZABLE LINT BALL!

Attempt to RECALL information about AMULET OF BROGUN.
Check MAILBOCKS.
Advertise this quest in the Discussion board unless you are trying to get a control group.

As far as you know, the AMULET is the greatest magical object in the world.
You suppose it would help recover your memory, if nothing else!

You check the MAILBOX!
You find JUNK MAIL.

The mail is addressed to a MR. ALLEN.

(MEMORY FRACTION 1 OUT OF 20 OBTAINED!)
There is a KEY here.
You take the KEY.

Shove KEY in nose.

Enter HOUSE.

Shove KEY in nose. ...

No.

Enter HOUSE. It's locked!
use KEY It's not locked anymore! You keep the KEY.

N- HALLWAY
W- STUDY E- KITCHEN
S- OUTSIDE

W.
Acquire CIGAR, SMOKING JACKET, and LEATHERBOUND BOOK.
Commence MANLINESS.

W.
Acquire CIGAR, SMOKING JACKET, and LEATHERBOUND BOOK.
Commence MANLINESS.

CIGAR not present!
SMOKING JACKET not present!
LEATHERBOUND BOOK not present!

LONGCOAT, CIGARETTE, and LEATHERBOUND DAIRY found instead.

LONGCOAT EQUIPPED! You feel tougher!
CIGARETTE EQUIPPED, UNLIT!

N- ________
W- ________ E- ENTRY HALL
S- ________

Extract milk from DAIRY.

Read DAIRY's nutrition facts.

AUTHOR MISPELLING ONE FOUND!

ONE (1) REALITY WARP obtained. REALITY WARPS allow you to revert three posts back in time! LEATHERBOUND DIARY CORRECTED.

Extract JUICY details from DIARY.

There is only one page inside, intact.

"I only ask for one thing:
Please, find the truth of what happened here."

The back inside cover has a hastily drawn picture of a sword. The front inside cover has a hastily drawn image of a shield.

You vaguely remember writing this. You were very frightened. You knew something was coming to kill you. Or someone. But that feeling is gone now.

You place the LEATHERBOUND NOTE in your FRONT POCKET, over your HEART.
(MEMORY FRAGMENT 2 OF TWENTY OBTAINED!)

Enter KITCHEN.
Attempt to locate DAIRY.

Head NORTH.
Pocket DAIRY.
Search for FOODIBLES.

Rip HEART out of BODY.
Eat HEART.

You enter the KITCHEN!

The room is mostly empty. On the counter sits a LONG KNIFE. The FRIDGE seems to be emitting a strange smell, and you get the feeling opening it might not be a good idea.

The cupboards are empty.

The sink fails to work.

N- WALK-IN PANTRY
W- ENTRY HALL E- __________
S- __________

Lament the loss of DAIRY. It will be avenged.

Enter PANTRY.

Aquire LONG KNIFE.

LONG KNIFE acquired. Handily, it comes with a sheath that can hook onto a belt. Unfortunately, you lack a belt. You carry it in your LEFT HAND.

You enter the PANTRY.

N- __________
W- __________ E- __________
S- KITCHEN

In the PANTRY there is nothing but empty shelves, sans a RATHER LARGE AND CONSPICUOUS CHEST.

Rape chest

Slowly pull the lid of the chest open with sweaty, eager hands.

The lid does yeild! Kicking, punching, headbutting, and even smashing it against the other shelves does not get it open.

The LOCK has a symbol of a circle with a line bisecting.

Not

Go back to the HALLWAY.

The HALLWAY seems to bisect the entire house, and ends, from what you can see, in stairs DOWN.
There's little else here but a POTTED PLANT.

N- HALLWAY
W- BATHROOM E- ______
S- HALLWAY

Eat the POTTED PLANT.

Enter BATHROOM.

The plant tastes ATROCIOUS! In the back of your mind, you wonder why you did it at all! Just before you enter the BATHROOM, you see a small glimmer where the roots of the PLANT were.

The BATHROOM is modest, small, made for a single person: A tub with a shower, a SINK, a TOILET, and a large area where a MIRROR would be. The MIRROR is missing. In its place is a message written in green crayon:

"MIRRORS ARE ANATHEMA"

Huh...

You also note that the tub is empty and the plug is missing.

N-_________
W-_________ E- HALLWAY
S-_________

Open TOILET TANK and look inside.

You peel the top of the tank off with some effort, some strange substance seemingly holding it in place. With a grunt, it is torn free, and you can see inside.

Black goo sloshes inside the tank quietly. You can't see anything inside it, and it doesn't look dangerous, but it is disquieting.

SHIT IN TOILET TANK

Flush TOILET

Shitting in the toilet tank seems a bad idea. But flushing it sounds interesting! You replace the tank lid and push the little thingy with care.

The normal sounds begin to resound, but soon there is a low, rumbling groan....

Flee immediately.

You flee into the HALLWAY and shut the door just in time. There is a hollow, loud cracking, then a sound of shattering ceramic. The black ooze sifts out, under the door, and you step away from it, bumping into the TABLE that held the PLANT. A single remaining leaf wafts down and touches the goop... and then bursts into green flames.

Examine the base of the plant for anything. Then drop a leaf so that only the barest edge touches the goop.

INJECT IT INTO YOURSEEEEEEEELLLLLLLFFFFF

Examine the dirt where the PLANT's roots were.

You drop a single leaf so the very edge touches the goop... And just as its other had, it bursts into wild green fire. There's no heat to it, but it... it looks... wrong. Deeply wrong. Like a dog that has a man's teeth and a cat's eyes.

You examine the DIRT and find a SMALL KEY. It has a symbol of a tiny spider on the head.

Right, head to the next room, away from the goop.
How quickly is it spreading?

How fast did the fire spread? Instantly?

The Goop is sliding back into the bathroom, slowly. I give it a wide berth as I continue down the hall.
The fire on the leaf had been instantaneous, as if soaked in gasoline or some other flammable liquid.

It is very dark down the stairs, and a FLASHLIGHT hangs on a hook near the stairs down. It's one of those fancy 'endless' flashlights, the kind you shake to power.



N- STAIRS
W- _______ E- ______
S- HALLWAY

Grab the jackoff flashlight and head downstairs.
Might as well clean it out before it gets gooped.

You grab it and test the light. It looks like there's about an hour's worth of light left.

...

You aren't sure how you can even tell. You remember you got the feeling that there was something wrong with the fridge, too, before opening it. Huh.

You turn on the light, and the most horrid sight of rot, fungus, and mold greets you. Maggots move freely, there are dead bodies EVERYWHERE, like a layer, a macabre carpet with a dusting of white, fuzzy fungus atop it with wide swaths of sickly green.

It's like a tribute to organic death in there, but deep in the shit, the muck, the festering and slightly moving mass (ohgodonepoppedmaggotsohgodeverywhere) you see a small key.

So, all this rot and it doesn't smell up the whole house?

Suspicious. Is there anywhere in the house we haven't been yet? It would be nice to have some big rubber boots for wading purposes.

Come to think of it, there's no scent unless you lean closer, at which point you nearly vomit from the stench after a feeling of slight static. Looking at the walls on either side, there's strange constructions there.

You have explored the whole of the FIRST FLOOR. Surely there's a way to clean up this organic mess...

(re)view inventory.

Also examine CONSTRUCTIONS.

You currently have:

LONGCOAT, CIG, LONG SHARP KNIFE, DIARY, REALITY WARP, and LINT. IN HAND is the FLASHLIGHT.
A LEAF also stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

The CONSTRUCTIONS look like large cords or... posts in a fence, you'd almost say. they hum softly with electricity, and you can see solidified GOOP coating senstitive areas.

I guess we need some way of getting the black ooze down here to clear a path. That GOOP isn't the same kind of thing is it? If it is, scrape some off with the knife and throw it at the organic mass.

If not, go back up to the kitchen and open the fridge, but stand to the side that the door opens, so that it would shield you from whatever's inside.

I CAREFULLY use the knife to scrape off a small sample of the GOOP and flick it into the mold.

There's a flash of green light, and a hole about the size of a hula hoop appears, about ten feet into the mess.

Strategically use GOOP to create a path to the key.

With great care, I use the GOOP with one flick after another to forge a path through the mess, picking up the key. As soon as I do, I see a tiny circle of chalk. I hear a snap, like electricity grounding, and it turns black, and my flashlight dies instantly. The icon on the key is a line bisecting.

YOU GOT LINE KEY!

The path begins to close, the rot growing and festering, as I run back to the safety of the basement stairs, then through the door, slamming it behind me. I notice the carpet where the GOOP was on the floor is very clean.

Furiously masturbate FLASHLIGHT to recharge its battery.

Also, head back to the CHEST and unlock it with LINE KEY.

The flashlight fails to recharge no matter how much or how vigorous your pumping may be. You stow the BROKEN FLASHLIGHT in any case since it is quite heavy.... and sturdy.

You walk back and open the chest. Inside is a NOTE, a VIAL OF BLACK GOOP, a FLOOR SWITCH, and... A RING.

Read NOTE.

Loot everything. When you say FLOOR SWITCH, are you saying a switch built into the floor, or what?

Use the FLOOR SWITCH to make the entire house have shag carpeting.

You read the NOTE.

It says:

To whom may find this house after my departure/death: Do not touch the goop. It is a special cleaning material I have personally researched that destroys organic matter and turns it into mere energy. I have bottled some here. Note it may be of some use as a weapon against that which is alive.
I say weapon because in my time building my home I discovered a rather large and labrinthine dungeon, by complete accident. I have long since sealed the lower basements as I discovered just what lived there. The switch you see poking through the bottom hole in the chest is the means to open it. The door appears in the hallway, but be advised, it cannot be closed again! Only open it if you believe in your ability to slay what awaits you.

Dr. Morde

Take RING. Examine it.

You examine the RING closer:

The band is made of a heavy, nonprecious metal, maybe pewter or something similar. the designs and etchings on it glow lightly, long, blue spiraling lines. Peering closer, you notice that these lines make a pattern not unlike a chain. At the head of the ring is an emerald, and strangely, embedded inside it is a tiny padlock. It looks large enough to be worn below the second joint on your middle finger, thusly pointing outward when you ball your hand into a fist.

Wear RING on right hand.

You slip the ring over the middle finger of your Right hand, and you feel invisible, harmless chains wrap over your body. You now know the following about the Ring.

The ring is called The Band of Chains. The ring has strong power over Time. The ring has strong power over Life. The ring has Lawful leanings.

Manipulate the FLOOR SWITCH.

You pull the FLOOR SWITCH, and you hear a low rumbling sound, followed by...
yipping?
No, it's clearly language... but it sounds like chihuahuas.

Go back to the Entry Hall and get ready to punch things.

You carefully make your way to the entry hall, hand balled into a fist. You feel the intangible chains tighten slightly in response as you look down the hall...

And see what appear to be small, bepedal, brown alligators. One is larger than the others, and wears a skull on its head, and appears to be barking orders to the other four, who weild crude stone knives.

Watch them for a bit to see what they do.

They appear to be pulling apart the table the POTTED PLANT once stood on. One wanders into the HORRIBLE BATHROOM, and there's a nova of green fire. The knife it was holding drops to the ground. The other four don't really seem to care, but avoid the BATHROOM now.

They notice you, and the one with a skull holds up one hand. They form up in front of him, blocking the hall, and walk steadily forth in unison.

Curious. They don't seem to be outright aggressive yet... Stand at the door to the hall and wait.

They move closer, and the skull-headed one barks again.

They charge at you!

Alright, duck around the door and slam it in their faces. Or just swing it at them if it doesn't open that way. Punch them while they're stunned.

You run into the kitchen and slam the door just as they bound towards you!

You see the skull-wearing one palm his face.

You open the door to see three of the kobolds staggering around, and you punch one of them with your RIGHT hand.

It stops. Entirely. you feel a small section of chain vanish from your hand, and the kobold you hit is utterly, completely frozen, as if time had stopped around it. Small blue chains bind its torso.

Take out the LONG SHARP KNIFE and stab one of the others. Try to hit the third one with your LEFT hand.

You unsheathe the blade and sink it into another creature's chest while the other lunges at you. You deal a DEVASTATING UPPERCUT under its jaw, sending it flying across the room.

Shriek and step on the others.

Whirlwind attack