(1/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:40 No. 1068626 ID: 817509
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Welcome to Magical Solutions INC.! I am the Cat Wizard!

(2/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:41 No. 1068627 ID: 817509
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This is our workshop!

(3/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:42 No. 1068628 ID: 817509
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And you lucky, happy few are my interns! It's your job to come up with spells and conjurations to suit our customers' needs.

You are goblins...

(4/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:42 No. 1068629 ID: 817509
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Kobolds...

(5/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:43 No. 1068630 ID: 817509
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And assorted infernals. Between the lot of you, you should be able to solve any problem.

(6/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:44 No. 1068631 ID: 817509
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Our first batch of customers is already lining up!

This is Mr. Picklebottom. He wants a magical storybook that transports the reader into the realm of the story.

(7/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:45 No. 1068633 ID: 817509
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This is Ramgar the Fiery. She's self conscious about her flat chest and wishes she had big boobs like certain other dragons.

(8/8) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)10:47 No. 1068635 ID: 817509
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This is Prince Dipshit. He wishes for Princess Pinkhair of the neighboring kingdom to fall in love with him.

Which job should we take?

Ramgar
Duh

My heart says picklebottom but my desire for big titty dragon says ramgar

Let's take Mr. Picklebottom's job.

Lets save the best for last (Ramgar) makes it more rewarding

Picklebottom for now.
Lets get him the necronomicon

Picklebottom.

(1/4) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)11:16 No. 1068647 ID: 817509
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>Picklebottom

"Calloh Callay! I knew you'd choose me! Oh the children at the orphanage will be so happy!"

(2/4) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)11:17 No. 1068648 ID: 817509
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"Here is the book. It's called The Princess and the Troll. It's about a princess who gets kidnapped by a wicked troll and must use her wits to escape! I want an enchanted version of this story that lets the reader experience the world of the book as if they're actually there!"

(3/4) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)11:17 No. 1068649 ID: 817509
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"Ta ta! I can't wait for the result!"

(4/4) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)11:17 No. 1068650 ID: 817509
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"Looks like you've taken on your first job and already made your first mistake: not settling on a fee! Oh well. Best get to work.

"How will you make an enchanted storybook that lets the reader experience the events of the story? This is your first job so I'll start you off with some hints.

"For instance, you need to decide how exactly the book lets the reader experience the story. Does the book project a magical illusion around the reader? Does the book suck the reader into a pocket dimension that's modeled after the story? Does the book send the reader into an enchanted slumber where they dream of the story?

"What triggers the spell? How does the reader get out? Can more than one person use the book?

"All these and more are all the types of things you have to consider. Don't be afraid to post illustrations or diagrams with your proposals. Also: beware that magic is tricky and unconsidered factors may cause the spell to backfire in unexpected ways."

Good luck!

Well, first things first, we'll have to contact the original author of this book to get permission to make an enchanted version of this. Copyright is such a bitch.

Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)11:37 No. 1068652 ID: 817509
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>Well, first things first, we'll have to contact the original author of this book to get permission to make an enchanted version of this. Copyright is such a bitch.

Smart thinking!

Looks like the story was written by Zobar Hoblegoble over a hundred years ago.

Zobar is probably long dead, but this is a magical fantasy world so who knows!

Cast Summon Phonebook. No one really knows what a phone is supposed to be, but it's a pretty useful spell that helps with scrying and message spells.
The only downsides are when multiple people have the same name, and the ads of varying legitimacy.

Yes, but what if Zobar assigned their copyright to an immortal LLC? We’re magical solutions INC., we’re smarter than getting tricked by corporate personhood shenanigans!

Yes, a quick scry for the author sounds good.

If Zobar or his mailbox don't show up, then we're good to go. Can't (legally) blame people for thinking you're dead if you don't leave a way for them to contact you.

>>1068652
>Zobar Hoblegoble
Sounds Gnomish. Which means yes, he's alive; and no, he won't give you a license for anything less than a king's ransom. We'll need to either make a distinctly different version— The Countess and the Ogre, perhaps— or create a device that works with any book.

Whatever we pick, be sure to add safeguards so nothing lasting can happen to the reader.

Let's just mail the author a pipebomb.
Problem solved.

Have the book suck people in, but give the reader perfect plot armor. Anything they don't explicitly want to happen to them won't, though plenty of alternatives might.

Since kids are involved, here's the book's first rule: If the story causes lasting harm, such as death or trauma, to the subject of the spell, spell will end and subject will return to their normal state unscathed.

This may drop the quality of this product, but one story of a single hair on a kid's head will have the paladins rolling in. A third of our staff might have something to say about that. Remind those infernals, and everyone else, about their job security. We can take over the world the slow way, thank you very much.

At least no terms means no deadlines to double- or triple-check our safety measures. ...right?

>How work
Illusion? Might get the whole town sucked in.
Dream magic? That means sleeping curse, which attracts adventurers, which means no thank you. Even if we could use it more than one at a time.
Screw it: Have the book suck the kid in, literally. One at a time, but other people can still chat to him during it. They'll love it.

Let's program the enchantment to generate low-intelligence constructs based on the users. Have them do their stupid shenanigans to alter the story, then have the user absorb the mind of the construct.
Dream magic at its finest.

We need to keep in mind what this book is being used for; is this the kind of orphanage that does storytime, or are the kids expected to read it on their own? For the former, it really ought to be an illusion, but of course we should limit the range of effect. For the latter, dream projection would be better, but we absolutely should include a safe-word to cancel the effect from within or from without. Whether we implement one, the other, or both, either way, we must include manual activation triggers both to start and to end the effect, as well as an automatic end-trigger for when the story (or segment) wraps up.

... Yeah, come to think of it, we should also check how long the book is; if it's something that can easily be finished in one sitting, no need to consider it, but if it's more of a novel-length affair where you read one or maybe two chapters at a time, separate sets of start and end triggers should be set for each chapter.

Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)14:27 No. 1068673 ID: 817509
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>Seek out Zobar Hoblegoble

You put together a team to seek Zobar Hoblegoble and ascertain if he's still alive. If alive, to negotiate for the rights to adapt his book into a magic book. If dead, to bring back confirmation of his death and the lapse of the copyright.

Klumpy, Zelda, and Mr. Legs have been dispatched to seek out Zobar Hoblegoble.

Cost of weapons, gear, and supplies for the team: 25gp

>Scry for Zobar Hoblegoble

Oh, sorry, our Magic Workshop doesn't have a Scrying Sphere!

A Scrying Sphere! costs 1500gp.

Workshop upgrades can be purchased with the profits from successful jobs.

>How long is the book?

About 10 chapters of large print. Estimated reading time: 5 hours.

While we wait for the crew to get back, lets read through the book and see what it's about, and make appropriate edits that might be deemed too unsafe or inappropriate for young readers. after 100 years passed, that means that things that were appropriate back then might not be appropriate now. Yes, time to be editors!

I'm thinking we should do the spell where we use our magic to create a magical box-like thing that watches, and keeps into memory the things we do as we have play actors act out the scenes in the book in costume, and use our magic powers for stuff like fire and water effects. and then after we're done, we get a large white sheet on a wall, and use that magic box that has memories of the actors to project those memories, and replays it on the white sheet for people to see. That's the best way to experience the book like the readers are really there!

considering we're on a BUDGET HERE, I kind of like the idea of making it a dream tome, here's my pitch.

If you bonk someone on the head with it they will dream as if they were a character in the story (usually the protagonist, but because dreams are wonky there's like a 5% chance they're a side character just watching it)

So it'd be an enchantment of the tome itself, with a likely sub-enchantment of the sleep spell, and an extremely minor memory charm that will just slot the dream into their long term memory, treating it as if it was lightly experienced and more easily re callable than a normal dream. Which has the fun effect of being able to be disturbed by taking any forms of damage, also letting them rest for the duration, and getting the kids to calm down for the hour or so they are in dream-land, and have a vivid tale to show to their friends!

(1/2) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)15:17 No. 1068683 ID: 817509
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>While we wait for the crew to get back, lets read through the book and see what it's about, and make appropriate edits that might be deemed too unsafe or inappropriate for young readers. after 100 years passed, that means that things that were appropriate back then might not be appropriate now.

A quick read through of the book reveals several highly insensitive depictions of other races and cultures, including the frequent casual use of the word "Plingo" which you're pretty sure was considered a slur even back when the book was written.

Two instances of cannibalism, one description of a young child being consumed by wild animals, one beheading, and a graphically illustrated scene of a gratuitous blinding of a wolf by the princess after the wolf has surrendered and begged for mercy.

Also, you suspect the wolf meant to represent a specific group or class of people, though the reference is lost on you.

In other words a perfectly average fairy tale that's completely acceptable by current social standards.

(2/2) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)15:17 No. 1068684 ID: 817509
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Mission update: Klumpy has (ironically) died of dysentery.

Cost of funerary expenses and widow's fund: 15gp.

Nuh uh, we're not going to be paying that 15gp

lets get some necromancy magic going and revive Klumpy. We can explain his zombie appearance to his wife as just him being overworked and grant him a day off. There really is no difference really.

You better pay that 15gp if you know what's good for you. Magical minion unions are no joke.

>>1068685
>necromancy
Huh, interesting idea. Is that legal?

Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)16:23 No. 1068688 ID: 817509
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>Huh, interesting idea. Is that legal?

Don't let small-minded concepts like "legality" constrain your imagination!

>>1068683
Assuming you're dead serious about this being considered A-okay, that's all fine and dandy.

Alright, let's draw up plans while the copyright squad is out.

> Base enchantments.
I mostly agree with >>1068680's assessment in terms of effect (assuming the 5% chance of divergence is us cutting corners rather than us deliberately making it do that, which would be more expensive), though I disagree with the triggers. For one, I don't think you should need someone else's help to read a book. I think a verbal reading of a trigger line is much easier for the customer to use.

> 5-hour chapter book.
We should make it so the reader can start a session from anywhere in the book and manually terminate the session at any time. Adding a variable to the spell's trigger is cheaper than making each chapter a separate instance, I realize; let's make the starting trigger when the reader says "Once upon a time on Page X" out loud, where X is the page they want to start from. We should include an instructional page at the beginning, of course, given this is likely meant to be used by several different people. When the reader says "That's all for now" within an instance, OR when someone closes the physical book in the real world, the session is manually terminated. The session also automatically terminates the session at the end of each chapter unless the reader says "without pause."

>>1068687
>>1068688
Regardless of legality, we're still on the hook for cost of reagents and hush money.

Unless we find a cult to subsidize the risk and/or pin the blame on.

>>1068688
Also, whether this is legal is the wrong question; the real issue is (and I'll eat my tail if I'm wrong about this) necromancy is WAY more expensive than just paying the damn family. It's just 15g for crying out loud. (Do you WANT angry goblins?) (Also, something something "we should care about honoring employee benefits if we ourselves are also employees.")

Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)17:01 No. 1068693 ID: 817509
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>Necromancy?

After consulting with our In-House Necromancer He's informed us that he needs 1000GP worth of supplies to set up an altar and all the components necessary to resurrect Klumpy. He also needs Klumpy's body, which means the team needs to return with it or we need to send out a second team to retrieve the body.

After the 1000GP initial set-up fee, future resurrections will only cost 100GP each.

Also also, someone really ought to contact Mr. Picklebottom, not just because we need to hash out a budget, but also because we really need to know how the orphanage plans to use this book - if it's meant to be narrated in installments during story-time in a large group, that would require a total overhaul of how the spell works.

Also also ALSO, wait, isn't the hunt for this author completely pointless? It's not like we actually need to publish his work - we're only being paid to modify a preexisting copy. Wouldn't it be ridiculous if some guy can sue you for getting paid to bedazzle and rebind someone's preexisting copy of his book?

Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)17:17 No. 1068699 ID: 817509
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>Also also ALSO, wait, isn't the hunt for this author completely pointless? It's not like we actually need to publish his work - we're only being paid to modify a preexisting copy. Wouldn't it be ridiculous if some guy can sue you for getting paid to bedazzle and rebind someone's preexisting copy of his book?

Whoops! Mrs. Klumpy overheard you!

"S-so you're saying my husband d-died for nothing??"

>>1068693
How about a blowjob from every single one of us here? Would that cover the funds?

You'll need to factor in audience, can't have Picklebottom and all the orphans getting jammed together into the body of the princess viewpoint character.

Need to childproof the thing too, they're definitely going to go off script.

>>1068698
ehhh, i dunno, I mean, I know Disney had once sued a daycare because they painted their characters on the walls of their rooms without their permission.

>>1068699
nononono it's ok we'll still find the guy. We need to find him to make sure he doesn't make a ruckus over rewrite his book to be more palatable to modern audiences. If we're lucky and he doesn't, he can help make the edits less of a hackjob. If we're not and he does, then it sure is a shame we found him dead by heart attack. You'd almost think it was recent.

I'd almost say just build the shrine for future jobs, but then we'd even more in the red. We didn't take out any loans from the devil bank, have we? Those guy need either high Returns On Investment or synergies with business that are not this one.

(1/2) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)18:49 No. 1068709 ID: 817509
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Looks like you've decided to go with a magical dream.

That's probably the cheapest option requiring the least material.

Now you need to figure out how the reader gets put to sleep.

You can cover the book in sleep dust so that opening the book delivers a cloud of dust into the reader's face.

Or you could soak the book in an infusion of black lotus extract so that the fumes knock the reader unconscious.

Some of the infernals have also suggested locking a damned soul inside the book who will possess the reader and force them to sleep. The damned soul can also handle the dream side of things by taking control of the reader's mindspace.

Or maybe you have other ideas?

(2/2) Apples 2023/07/22(Sat)18:49 No. 1068710 ID: 817509
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Mission Update: Zelda and Mr. Legs have made it to the Inn of the Sneezing Weasel on the other side of the forest. The pair apparently spent the night in drunken revelry. They've expended all their operating capital and sent a request for 10gp of additional funds to continue their journey.

Note to self: fire Zelda and Mr. Legs after their mission.

Send them a neat little gift package with some sour grapes and over-ripened bananas and a note that says:

"You will not be reimbursed for overspending the company balance especially when one member of your team was already lost."

Sleep dust seems nice and straightforward.

Send Zelda and Mr Legs the gold. Also send them a curse: Zelda's neck will lengthen and Mr Leg's legs shorten whenever they slack off after this!

>>1068710
We didn't give them any spending money in the first place??? We gave them "weapons, gear and supplies". That means they spent their own damn money at the inn, surely. They can request actual supplies, but that's it. If the trip is going to last another day then give them 10g and tell them you're docking their pay for overexpenditures.

>>1068709
No no no we need them to be able to wake up and dust would need to be resupplied and its a damned soul for a reason

>>1068633
For the future a cheap way to get bigger tits is breast stimulation and getting fat perhaps a cowbell collar or a ring gag

Something tells me if we don't send in 10G now, we might lose 100G on parental leave in the future. Yet I'm curious what an infernal kobold looks like.

(1/2) Apples 2023/07/23(Sun)08:38 No. 1068766 ID: c14e64
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>No no no we need them to be able to wake up and dust would need to be resupplied and its a damned soul for a reason

You work at Magical Solutions, not Magical Can't-do-sins!

Votes against an idea without offering an alternative will be disregarded!

>Send Zelda and Mr Legs the gold. Also send them a curse: Zelda's neck will lengthen and Mr Leg's legs shorten whenever they slack off after this!

You've forwarded 10gp to Zelda and Mr. Legs to continue their quest.

Zelda and Mr. Legs are now cursed!

Cost of developing curse: 54gp

(2/2) Apples 2023/07/23(Sun)08:39 No. 1068768 ID: c14e64
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You've completed the modifications to the book. Magical sleep dust is delivered to the reader upon opening the cover.

Opening the cover creates a lever action that compresses a bellows full of magic sleep powder.

The magic sleep powder will need to be refilled periodically, but that's not a problem for us because we can charge for sleep powder refills.

Now that you've gotten the reader to sleep, you need to figure out how to get the dream into their brain, and how to make sure it's a lucid dream about the story.

Sleep powder wears off after a few hours on its own, but you might also want to develop a way for the reader to wake themselves.

Cost of magic dust: 500gp

Parts + labor:15gp

>>1068768
ever heard of hypnotism? maybe while they're asleep, we can use hypnotizing magic to make them think they are in that fantasy world. We'd have to probably put a magical hypnotic voice inside the book to get them hypnotized into thinking they are in that book world, as well as a trigger word to wake them up from the dream and put their mental state back to normal after a certain amount of time.

They might sleepwalk tho, so we'll have to tell Picklebottom to keep them in a large secure location for them to travel around in and not get hurt. Also, have him sign a legal agreement saying we are not liable for any damages or injuries caused by sleepwalking.

Well, We'll...
1) Further enchant the sleeping powder to have a set effect of eight hours. Roughly the amount of time it should take for the story to play out in the dream. This is extra useful for repeat customers purchasing the powder, since it would make it slightly harder to replicate elsewhere.

2) Cast a vision spell that creates a shared, life-like dream vision with tangible characters that lasts until the last person affected by the spell wakes up.

3) Alter the vision spell so that a certain hand gesture or code phrase can be uttered by the dreamers at any time to wake up early and put clear instructions in the altered book on what this gesture or phrase is. This should be an inexpensive enough feature.

4) Add one final addition to the vision spell in which any mute, handless, blind, paraplegic or otherwise handicapped dreamer gains control of a fully functional body for the duration of the dream. This should also be inexpensive since it is merely a dream and should net us a great deal of popularity with Mr. Pinklebottom's children and any future customers.


Hmmm, our expenses are a bit steep. Should we gather our strongest warriors and send them to the dungeon of the Economancer to fix the inflation?

Trace the writing and drawings with a magic ink to put them in a hypnotised state. That'll also prime them for where in the story they'll get injected.

We might make a lot of kids become addicted to sleeping dust magical crack, and I am down for that. Just make sure that the dust is 100% not toxic or carcinogenic. We won't be sued by sleepwalking or hypnotism, but health issues might still put a stain in our resumee.

>you might also want to develop a way for the reader to wake themselves.
A trigger phrase or feeling alone the lines of "this story sucks" or "boring". That'll do.

(1/3) Apples 2023/07/24(Mon)19:45 No. 1068844 ID: 834aaf
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>Modify Magic Dust
>Hypnotism
>Magic Ink
>Magical voice

Based on the team's inputs, the magical sleep dust has been modified to be magical hypnotic dust that puts the reader in a highly suggestable state as well as paralyzing their limbs so they don't sleepwalk.

You've added magical, self-reading ink to the book. Now the ink will recite the story aloud when exposed to air. It was a bit tricky to get the ink to recite the story in order and not have every letter just read itself out loud at the same time.

The pages of the book are enchanted to turn themselves after the ink has finished reciting out loud once. This was a little difficult because at first the page would turn the first time it heard the last word on the page, but if that word appeared earlier, the page would turn earlier. This was solved by counting the number of times the last word on the page appears on the page and setting that specific page to turn once that word has been recited aloud that number of times.

This had to be specially tailored each individual page, so approximately 160 separate enchantments (only right-hand pages needed to be enchanted).

The book is enchanted to first recite the hypnotic commands aloud upon each opening before the story starts, instructing the reader how to wake up from sleep while dreaming of the story.

Modifying magic dust: 250gp

Self-reading ink: 300gp

Enchanted Pages: 4025gp (25gpx161)

labor (eg: rewriting and rebinding the book): 50gp

(2/3) Apples 2023/07/24(Mon)19:45 No. 1068845 ID: 834aaf
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Looks like the book is just about finished. We just need the thumbs up from our gunea p—er... beta readers!

Just as soon as they wake up.

(3/3) Apples 2023/07/24(Mon)19:45 No. 1068846 ID: 834aaf
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Mission Update:

Zelda and Mr. Legs have tracked Zobar Hoblegoble to his publisher's residence in New Clock Town.

Unfortunately, they can't proceed any further. It appears the curse interpreted any rests for sleep or meals as "slacking off." The pair initially tried to stay awake and march for as long and as far as possible, but eventually exhaustion would catch up with them. Zelda's neck is now too long and Mr. Legs's legs are now too short for the mission to continue.

We will have to break the curse or send a replacement team if the mission is to continue.

Dont want to get sued. Break curse.

...Guys? What was our budget?

>Enchant each individual page
Next time, we're going to demand a @#$%ing scroll. Or take one long parchment and glue it on folds of itself so it forms individual pages.

Why wait when we can just write AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! With our magic ink on the last page to wake them up as an alarm?

Curse the cursemaker who came up with this defective curse to hear a fly buzzing in his ears whenever the customer service line is rung.

>>1068862
Sue the cursemaker for not adhering to mandatory work hours limitations. This reeks of intentional murder-slavery; they don't want labor, they want the suffering that comes from overwhelming labor.

>>1068846
break the curse. They've suffered enough, tell them that you will try a different curse if they continue to try your patience.

(1/2) Apples 2023/07/25(Tue)20:16 No. 1068939 ID: 834aaf
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Our beta readers have completed their run-through of the book.

They reported they were able to get through the entire story safely and with no trouble. The wake-up protocol works as well and both readers were able to wake themselves whenever they tried. They had to restart the story at the beginning to get back in, however, as the nozzles to emit the sleep powder are only on the inside cover.

The beta readers also report that while it was true that they experienced the events of the story as if they were really there, it was very dreamlike, with perspective shifting frequently between characters, and sometimes the reader was just a disembodied pair of eyes and ears looking down on the story.

The characters did not have a consistent appearance from chapter to chapter or even from page to page, though dream-logic always let the reader know exactly who was who. Sometimes faces were distorted or blurry.

Beta reader A complained that the scary troll looked just like his father. Beta reader B reported that in some scenes the characters were nude or partially nude.

Neither beta reader was able to intervene in the narrative and the story unfolded the same way every time.

Even now their memory of their experience in the book fades, the way a dream does, but they said they had fun and were safe.

Total cost of developing the Magic Storybook: 5290gp

(2/2) Apples 2023/07/25(Tue)20:16 No. 1068940 ID: 834aaf
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Mission Update: Zelda and Mr. Legs have been uncursed. You didn't mention it, but I have also cast a spell to return them to normal. Excess matter will be transmitted out of Zelda's neck and into Mr. Legs's legs until Zelda's neck has returned to its normal proportions.

Cost of Breaking the Curse: 50gp

Cost of Reversing the Curse: 50gp


Zelda and Mr. Legs have learned from Zobar's publishers that although Zobar was a gnome and could have lived this long, he died just a few days ago by choking on a chicken bone. Zelda and Mr. Legs are now seeking out the fabled entrance to the Underworld to see if they can get Zobar's shade to sign a release form.

Apples 2023/07/25(Tue)20:23 No. 1068941 ID: 834aaf
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Wow! It looks like you managed to churn out a product that more or less works like it should and didn't kill anybody or trap them in an endless nightmare!

I declare this Magical Solution: Good Enough!

From here we can present the book to the client or you can tweak it some more. What do you think?

Check the beta readers and see if they feel rested, gotta make sure the sleep powder use actually lets them feel energized for the next morning and doesn't keep their brain too active leading them to be exhausted the next morning.

Also maybe look into some lucid dreaming potions, if we can have someone try it out with that and experience the dream but with more control we've just created a secondary market should "dream-book-stories" become a big thing

Apples 2023/07/25(Tue)20:34 No. 1068946 ID: 834aaf
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>Check the beta readers and see if they feel rested

Actually since you asked, the beta-readers don't feel rested. They're also stiff and achy from lying on the floor for hours.

Excellent. Book was a success. all we have to do is wait for the release form

for now, lets write in credits of the people involved with making this adaption of the book, such as the beta readers, spell casters, the travelers trying to get the copyright shit done with, and the Cat Wizard (a cat is here too). Cat Wizard's name should be bigger than everyone else's. gotta please the boss. Put it all on the first page above Zobar's name. Plenty of room there.

and oh yes! stamp it with a gigantic Magical Solutions INC logo somewhere on the page too.

>>1068946
No problem, we gotta just tell Picklebottom that the readers need to be somewhere comfy before reading.

Couple questions: after all this expenditures, are we selling the book at a loss now?

And do all souls end in the underworld after death or just gnomes?

Anyhow, who cares about visiting Zobar in the underwould? He is dead! Let's talk with whoever holds the legal rights to that storybook.


AND I still insist on casting a vision spell that creates a consistent dream vision that lasts until every single dreamer wakes up, plus a spell so that every dreamer has a fully functional body within the dream, including the handicapped.

Come on, books that let you see or walk again for a session of lucid dreaming would sale like hot cakes!

Can we slap a light invigorating spell at the end, so that when they wake up they aren't feeling exhausted, should be low cost since it's just on the one page/exit. I dont think we need to do more to it tbh, especially until we get something like licensing rights to make more of them.

I'm under the assumption that this is a one off creation/sale right?

>>1068950
Yeah, even assuming copywrite laws apply to us modifying a single preexisting copy, I'm pretty sure you can't prosecute such a case from the underworld. If we want to publish more copies, it's his legal estate we need to talk to, assuming he even has one. If there isn't one we can redirect Zelda and Mr. Legs to, just call them home already.

>>1068947
That said, DON'T DO THIS, at least not until we get confirmation from the legal scouts. Putting our names in the book might count it as a new publication. Also, given we made the trigger for a "session" opening the book, any words that aren't part of the story will be a hassle to get at.

>>1068946
Obvious solution: sell them a comfortable reading couch separately. We can make a good business relation with the Furnisher's Guild AND get a service fee if they take us up on it, but avoid any expenses if they decline.

(1/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:37 No. 1069341 ID: 73d44c
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>for now, lets write in credits of the people involved with making this adaption of the book, such as the beta readers, spell casters, the travelers trying to get the copyright shit done with, and the Cat Wizard (a cat is here too). Cat Wizard's name should be bigger than everyone else's. gotta please the boss. Put it all on the first page above Zobar's name. Plenty of room there.

>and oh yes! stamp it with a gigantic Magical Solutions INC logo somewhere on the page too.

I love this idea!

Especially the part where I, the Cat Wizard, get my name on the book.

Cost of adding credits and logo to book: 10gp

>Can we slap a light invigorating spell at the end, so that when they wake up they aren't feeling exhausted, should be low cost since it's just on the one page/exit. I dont think we need to do more to it tbh, especially until we get something like licensing rights to make more of them.

Invigorating spell: 25gp

>AND I still insist on casting a vision spell that creates a consistent dream vision that lasts until every single dreamer wakes up, plus a spell so that every dreamer has a fully functional body within the dream, including the handicapped.

We've added a set of hypnotic instructions to the opening so that dreamers who are disabled dream their disabilities are cured for the duration of the dream.

Updated Hypnotic Instructions: 10gp

>AND I still insist on casting a vision spell that creates a consistent dream vision

Unfortunately we went in a different direction this time. Great idea though!

Total Cost of Finished Book: 5335gp

Time to present the finished product to the client!

(2/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:37 No. 1069342 ID: 73d44c
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"It's finished already? Oh fragis day! I can't wait to try it out!"

(3/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:37 No. 1069343 ID: 73d44c
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Your team selects a nice, comfy couch for Mr. Picklebottom and he eagerly opens the front cover of the book. A puff of magic dust blasts him in the face and he's out like a light.

(4/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:38 No. 1069344 ID: 73d44c
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Five and a half hours later, Mr. Picklebottom awakes, invigorated.

"Oh my goodness! What a wonderful, funderful experience! It's exactly how I imagined it! Everything was so real! And making the princess look exactly like my mother was an inspired artistic decision! The children will be so happy!"

(5/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:38 No. 1069345 ID: 73d44c
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We're so glad you're pleased!

Now, about the fee...

(6/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:38 No. 1069346 ID: 73d44c
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"Oh the fee, of course! How silly of me!"

Mr. Picklebottom rushes out to his carriage and returns shortly with two sacks bulging with gold!

"I hope this will be enough?"

(8/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:38 No. 1069348 ID: 73d44c
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Pleasure doing business with you!

(9/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:38 No. 1069349 ID: 73d44c
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Looks like Mr. Picklebottom's generous payment more than covered the cost of developing the magic book. You all get paid!

Don't expect every client to be this easy, though!

After paying all our employees and suppliers, we have enough left over to buy an improvement to our workshop!

What should we get?

Scrying Sphere

Necromancy Altar

Magic Water Wheel (reduces cost of enchantments)

Wisecracking Crow

Fancy New Robes for Cat Wizard (Hot Pick!!!)

(10/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:39 No. 1069350 ID: 73d44c
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Looks like we have a new client!

Hairy Prober is a student at wizard school and he'd like something to make him invisible so he can spy on girls in the locker room.

He says his parents left him an enormous fortune and money is no object!

You can choose between

Hairy Prober

Prince Dipshit

or

Ramgar the Fiery

or you can reroll all clients.

(11/11) Apples 2023/07/29(Sat)21:39 No. 1069351 ID: 73d44c
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Mission Update: Zelda and Mr. Legs have reached the Necropolis of Zardon, supposedly the site of one of the entrances to the Underworld.

Zelda and Mr. Legs are nervous, but resolute. They will begin searching the Necropolis tomorrow for the gate to the Underworld.

>And do all souls end in the underworld after death or just gnomes?

All souls end up in the underworld at least at first for processing. Where they go after that depends on their conduct while alive and the terms of their Afterlife Provider.

Ragmar, as an syndicate of dragons are our supreme overlords, we should take her job.

Also have you seen the size of treasure hoards? we'll get paid fat cash! or gold!

>>1069349
Also let's get the scrying sphere.

Ragmar!

Ramgar

the water wheel, (just as long as water is included)

If it doesn't come with water, then I choose Necromancy Altar, (gotta bring Klumpy back to life.)

>Mr. Picklebottom

What a lovely man. Anyway, I vote we purchase some fancy new robes for our cat wizard, along with taking Ramgar's request next.

>>1069349
Magic Water Wheel
Prince Dipshit

Ragmar
Alter

Resurrection Altar, to resurrect Zobar after we rescue his shade from the underworld.

Also,let's help Rangar with her self-steem issue by giving the most rare and amazing of magical solutions: a self-help book that actually works!

(1/4) Apples 2023/07/30(Sun)20:49 No. 1069418 ID: a9b5e7
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>Magic Water Wheel

A team of magic gnomes shows up and in just a few days we have a picturesque water wheel hooked up to the babbling brook adjacent to our whimsical cottage.

Wow it looks great! The water wheel also came with a second story.

Finally this place is starting to look like a real magic workshop!

(2/4) Apples 2023/07/30(Sun)20:49 No. 1069419 ID: a9b5e7
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>Ramgar the Fiery

Of course the kobolds voted overwhelmingly for Ramgar the Fiery.

Ramgar is too big to fit inside the workshop, so we interview her in the enchanted glade behind the workshop. Many of our kobolds come out to see her.

+5 Kobold Morale for the duration of this job.

Consultation Fee: 500gp

Ramgar seems a little embarrassed about her request. She hopes she can count on our discretion.

(3/4) Apples 2023/07/30(Sun)20:49 No. 1069420 ID: a9b5e7
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Ramgar has a subscription to She-Dragon Magazine and all the beautiful models in the magazine have her feeling self-conscious.

Ramgar would like a medium-sized pair of boobs. Nothing ridiculous, you understand, but big enough for some solid cleavage so she can look fashionable.

(4/4) Apples 2023/07/30(Sun)20:49 No. 1069421 ID: a9b5e7
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Wow, looks like we've taken on a pretty delicate job!

A dragon client has a lot of treasure but, on the other paw, she's bound to get wrathful if we botch this.

For this first round of suggestions, pitch your ideas for how we can give this dragon boobs. Try to include as much detail as possible about the methods and materials required. Once we have some good suggestions, I'll do a price estimate for each one. That will be our budget. Then we will decide which idea to go with and quote a price to the client.

Sound good?

Let's get started!

I think we needed more details.
A basic boob job would be easy, but unsatisfying. How much sensation should the flesh provide? Nipples or lumps only? Milk, or is she lactose intolerant? Should it be bloodline-based, so she can pass it on to her children?

Let's start with a workable model and branch out from there.

* Purchase four vats of low-grade universal biomaterials and we can work on experimenting with materials.
* We'll need a tried-and-true blood filtering system so get a custom order of fresh udders from the local ranch - there should be a few cows ready to be slaughtered, just ask for a specific part to be unmulched when they harvest.
* The expensive part will be in bio-integrating these components safely. That's going to require a high-ass spell.

Our plan is to find a means of merging the universal biomaterial with the cow udder and the dragon chest. There won't be any serious need for motor control, so let the new neural pathways form naturally.

Apples 2023/07/30(Sun)21:27 No. 1069426 ID: 834aaf
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A couple things I forgot to mention that you should probably take into account:

Dragon scales are highly resistant to magic!

This means any spells we cast will have to be much more powerful, and any magic potions will require extra-potent ingredients.

This won't be a simple 25gp spell like we used to curse Zelda and Mr. Legs.

Which brings me to my second point:

Magic ALWAYS has unintended consequences.

You don't get to be a wizard just by putting on a pointy hat with the letters "C A T" on it and waving a wand around.

Any idiot can cast a spell. It takes years of training to figure out how to cast a spell in a way that doesn't backfire horribly.

Bear this in mind when developing your magic solution and try to anticipate the worst possible ways the magic could go wrong.

To be entirely honest, Ramgar the Fiery is a very lovely lady and I don't see any reason for her to change her appearance because of others. But if that's what she wants then that's what she wants.

>>1069426
Our best bet is to create a long-term growth plan. Have the implants act as symbiotes, and slowly grow within her body until they bloom.
We can get paid in installments for a decades-long job.

If she just wants to look fashionable, what about an illusion? It won't have to affect her scales, so it'll be comparatively easy!
If she needs it to be physical, then... can we do a physical illusion?

Backup plan:
Let's go with a potion. Temporary duration at first, so if it doesn't work out how she wants it we can adjust the potion. Once we've fine-tuned the resulting boobs, we can make the equivalent permanent potion.
Potential pitfalls:
Appearance! Make sure they're humanlike boobs covered in scales. Find out if she wants nipples, and if they should lactate, and if so under what circumstances and how much. Make sure the color on the boobs matches her color. Verify that she wants TWO breasts.
Firmness! Make sure they are sufficiently squishy.
Size! Find out what she means by "medium".
Sensitivity! Does she want sensitive nipples? All the rest of the breast should feel like her normal body, I imagine.
Weight! They should have roughly the same density as her body fat.
Location! Make sure they wind up where she wants them!
and of course make sure her body doesn't reject the new organs.

if dragons are resistant to magic why dont we make a semi-organic boob golem, or like a silicone slime with an illusion, or a mimic that specifically likes to become tits.

We're magical solutions, so we can use magical creatures too.

I'm pretty sure a silicon slime could just live off of the sweat of a dragon, and excess grime so it's low maintenence, but would be hard to control due to low sapiency.

A mimic would be smarter, but would probably need to get paid long term and would not really net us much profit

The golem would net us the most profit because we could have it adjust based off of parameters we set, but would *feel* stiff, even if they *look* good using illusions.

Personally I'm of the mind to mix the silicone slime and golem, the slime for the feel and weight of boobs, but the golem as the framework and core, would also let you syphon slime in or out to enhance or enlarge it.

Thoughts?

whatever we do to give her breasts, we HAVE to store magic milk in there... for authenticity.

Actually wait, what stone is her Wish Gem? maybe if we can find out what powers up her wish gem, we can use magic to charge it up, and the excess magic will go into her magic reservoirs, expanding her breasts that way.

unless that only works for dragons in the RHBDS quest world.

It sounds like any magic strong enough to change a dragon's shape could be strong enough to polymorph her into a different creature altogether. Great if it ends up as what she wants, but that seems unlikely.

Ugh, beauty magazines... They fake so much, you know. Do you know how they get their bodies to look like that?

Actually, that might be worth finding out. Have the kobolds look into their catalogue for research, before we do anything else. They might have actually decent advice, or warn us about what not to do. Visiting the studios or interviewing the models could be worth it too. Could be difficult to send kobolds in, one at most, as they're probably prepared for kobold raids. Do we have any aspiring succubi, junior vampires, or goblin journalists available?

Since the kobolds are very enthusiastic about this job, we could also distract them with an assignment to provide spa treatment to their temporary mistress. If we're lucky, it could be therapeutic enough to reveal deeper wants we could provide for less magic or even no magic at all. If nothing else, it's an anger buffer.

>>1069426
I'm thinking symbiotes: we surgically install a pair of stretchy spherical slime habitats on her chest (with small teleport runes for feeding and drainage). Then once in place the slimes can be fed or drained to control the size of the bust.

Best part is we can turn this into a steady income stream by selling her "special" slime feed.

Alternatively if she finds the slimes too icky we can do more or less the same thing but with inflatables controlled by dammed souls, I'm sure there are some dammed perverts who'd actually enjoy being part of a dragon's tits.

>>1069426
Lets not do cosmetic surgeries first lets experiment with breastmilkers and hormones and feed
>>1069422
Well getting some udders to experiment would be good to figure out the whole tits thing and be cheap as its slaughter waste we could test the techniques on kobolds all the fattening all the enchanted cowbells we can stomach alot of cow souls to capture

The slime-symbiotes seem like a good idea but I think we want to make them low maintenance and convenient.

Get them firmly imprinted with ideal boob properties so they don't go wandering about Ramgar's body or feel wrong and such.

For upkeep, some of what Ramgar eats goes towards feeding them. To keep them the right size, enchant them to be paired up with one or more kobolds that'll be the recipients of any excess slime. It's enchanting the slime, not the dragon so hopefully should be cheaper. I'm sure the kobolds will be happy to help!

>>1069469
Seems more parasitic if it feeds thing is you probably should not introduce seperate organisms under your skin that can eat your flesh

>>1069626
Which is why i like the idea of making them dependent on special feed we can also sell

What is we use a temporary symbiote that grows her real boobs?
We can create two creatures that latch on to and suckle her chest. They survive by siphoning off some of her bodily fluids and natural draconic magic. They also slowly alter the area they're latched onto using some of the magic they've drawn, making the area easier to stay latched onto, produce more bodily fluids, And store more energy generally. So, *boobs*. They should also secrete a mundane chemical agent that relieves the pain this would cause.

The benefit here is that very little external magic has to be used on the dragon at all- the dragon's own magic will guarantee success- but the The symbiotes will be crazy dangerous .
Extreme fine tuning will be required.

Drawing fluid and magic from the dragon will make her unnaturally hungry. We need the symbiotes to work quickly enough that she is satisfied, but slowly enough that she Doesn't go on a hunger fueled rampage.

The drug they produce to prevent pain needs to be balanced so it isn't addictive. It could also cause other weird side effects.

The actual structures these things produce need to be tuned to be sufficiently boob-like. Not some Body horror stuff. Of course, there's always the possibility of weird permanent effects, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Finally, we need to formulate a spell to cause these things to safely release themselves- or just die and harmlessly fall off- when her boobs reach the desired size. It's important that No part of them remains inside her for obvious medical reasons.

>>1069426
Clearly step one must be a thorough examination of our client's pectoral region, to map out the region we are about to alter.

Since the scales are durable and magic resistant the most reliable method would be visually, and manually. There must be some pliability if forming breasts is possible at all..

In conclusion, we should ask our client to consent to having our most professional and trustworthy kobolds to grope and squeeze and massage her chest in a professional capacity, while our most medically inclined henchfolks take notes on range of pliability and flexibility.

You could probably charge your own henchbolds for the privilege of helping!

>>1069714
Do dragons even have nipples or is it a split it a banded underbelly segment filled with fat?

What if we make a magical self-help book about confidence that gets results?

Let's make it so that it is narrated by our most silver tongued devil every time you read it, and that it has floating, hologram-esque picture illustrating the stories and examples for the stuff it's saying so that the reader actually pays attention.

By the end she will much much better and we won't even have to use super expensive spells to affect her directly, just the book!

>>1069719
But that's not what we're being hired to do

(1/5) Apples 2023/08/28(Mon)11:24 No. 1071083 ID: 435f13
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>what stone is her Wish Gem?

There are dragons on worlds all over the universe and the multiverse. They come in all shapes and sizes. On some worlds, dragons have a Wish Gem and/or boobs or perhaps some other strange features, but those traits usually come with more esoteric worldbuilding.

Ramgar the Fiery comes from a generic fairytale world and is a generic fairytale dragon, so she lacks both wish gem and boobs.

Onto your solution proposals!

(2/5) Apples 2023/08/28(Mon)11:24 No. 1071084 ID: 435f13
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Magic Potion of Boob Growth

Let's see, a magic potion of boob growth is normally a [Rare] potion, which means all the ingredients must be [Rare] or better.

Because this is a dragon we're dealing with, the potion must be [Epic] level. [Epic] ingredients typically cost around 10,000GP each. We can count on there being at least four components, so if we want to buy the components we can expect to spend at least 40,000GP.

We can save money on purchasing components by sending out expeditions to find them in the wild. A [common] expedition like the one we sent to find Zobar Hoblegoble typically costs 25gp to outfit and supply. An [Epic] expedition would require an initial outlay of 2,000gp.

Brewing the potion will also require a Grandmaster Brewer (10,000gp for one-time hire, 25,000gp to put on staff) and [Epic] Brewing Equipment (weights/measures, scales, cauldron, flasks) (40,000gp).

Total Estimated Budget:

52,000gp minimum

90,000gp max

(3/5) Apples 2023/08/28(Mon)11:24 No. 1071085 ID: 435f13
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Slime Symbiote

Slimes are not going to look and feel as natural as potion results, but they're a lot cheaper and if we do it right, no one will be able to tell the difference as long as Ramgar is only wearing them to social functions and doesn't intend people to look too closely at them.

According to our bestiary, there are no known naturally-occurring boob-slimes, so we'll have to breed our own. Slimes are a [Common] monster so a breeding stock of them will cost around 25gp each.

We'll need to build a Slime Enclosure capable of containing at least [Rare] slimes so that will cost around 2000gp.

We will also need to hire or train Slime Ranchers (25gp each) and Master Slime Breeders (2000gp each).

We will also need Slime Feed, Toys for the slimes, and Slime Medicine in case the slimes get sick. Probably around 300gp for all of that stuff.

Total Estimated Budget:

4,375gp minimum but results improve with larger numbers of slimes, ranchers, and breeders.

(4/5) Apples 2023/08/28(Mon)11:24 No. 1071086 ID: 435f13
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Boob Golem

A golem is more reliable than a slime and can be crafted to suit the client's precise specifications. They also take less time. The downside is they require more technical and magical skill and no small amount of divine intervention.

Golems require [Rare] Blessed Clay (2,500gp to buy, 200gp to outfit a [Rare] expedition to retrieve the clay and have it blessed.

The Blessed Clay must be baked in an [Epic] Consecrated Oven at a cost of 10,000gp to buy and 2000gp per use to rent (4000gp minimum IF we get both boobs right on the first try)

The Golem Shell requires a Shibboleth to become animated. A Shibboleth requires [Epic] Blessed Parchment (10,000gp) and must be precisely worded to keep the golem from running amok.

Finally, we'll need a Priest ordained in a faith with a strong tradition of golems and in good standing with his or her deity. Sometimes priests work for free but most likely they'll expect a "charitable donation" of at least 10,000gp.

Total Estimated Budget:

24,200gp minimum

32,500gp max

(5/5) Apples 2023/08/28(Mon)11:25 No. 1071087 ID: 435f13
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Mission Update:

Zelda and Mr. Legs have located an Ominous Mound surrounded by profane idols and wards.

They believe this is an entrance to the Underworld and are requesting 1000gp for components to perform the rituals necessary to open the gate and pass safely through.

Apples 2023/08/28(Mon)11:27 No. 1071088 ID: 435f13
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Now that you have your Magical Solutions discuss amongst yourselves and vote for your preferred method! I trust you all to choose the most profitable—*ahem*—that is to say, I expect you all to make the choice that is best for our client!

She wants cleavage, so it has to look good. That means slimes are out. Also the price and results of the boob slime venture are very unpredictable.

Boob golem seems good. Just gotta word the instructions correctly.

Oh right sure just throw 1000g at our adventurers too. Ask them to try to recover some sort of rare ingredients from down there to offset the cost.

Golem seems like the middle ground best option, plus having a kiln capable of producing golems seems like it has the potential to be useful in the future

Oh, so it's profitable solutions you want, eh?

How about give her some therapy!

Not only is it a lot cheaper, but we can get any schmuck from our ranks to talk to her and make her feel fulfilled and validated.

It may not be as popular as implants, but remember: you can only sell a magic potion once, therapies are a weekly affair, and word of mouth that it works is going to make us rich!

And since we are going to the underworld, we should rescue Kumply as practice for next enterprise:
Underworld.
Smuggling.
Service.

It's perfect! People die every day and the don't like it, so why don't we help come back to the world of the living for a price!

>>1071086
Idea for saving money on the golem: could we have one of our staff become a priest of a golem making religion and/or create our own religion?

Apples 2023/08/29(Tue)03:33 No. 1071188 ID: 435f13
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>could we have one of our staff become a priest of a golem making religion and/or create our own religion?

I love saving money so, if the team thinks that would work, we could certainly try!

I say we go for the boob golem with our own priest and a profit based religion and that we spend money to go into the underworld

Suggestion 2023/08/31(Thu)00:57 No. 1071358 ID: 708905
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>>1071355
>profit based religion
Greed is good!

>>1071358
Making gold is the one true gold of life!

A BOOB GOLEM FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD, 99 BOOB GOLEMS WILL ACT AS PILLOWS FOR YOU IN BOOB GOLEM HEAVEN, PRAISE BOOBAH!

we could always try an old eldritch goddess I know of for our deity her specialty is machinery, golems,merging organic and inorganic stuff together,and change* mostly yourself to best fit your own desire

Let's make the cult of smuggling people out of the underworld so they can keep no living and call it exactly that.

So it seems we're going to found the cult of capitalism and make boob golems ourselves?

(1/6) Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)19:42 No. 1072200 ID: 435f13
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Sounds like you've settled on a plan!

Your budget for this project is 32,500GP

If you come in under budget, you can spend the extra money on upgrades for the workshop!

If you go over budget...

Well try not to let that happen!

Good luck!

(2/6) Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)19:42 No. 1072201 ID: 435f13
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The kobolds are all hard at work fitting our client for her new boobs. They're also massaging her, shining her scales, polishing her horns, and generally catering to her every desire.

Cost of kobold labor: 25gp

Ramgar doesn't know quite how to feel about this, as she comes from a generic fairytale world without kobolds (kobolds being more common in high fantasy settings), and is unused to being fawned over by an army of kobold servants.

(3/6) Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)19:42 No. 1072202 ID: 435f13
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Our artisans have begun work on the boob design. They can already foresee a snag: clay hardens once it has been baked.

Ramgar's boobs won't have any squish or bounce!

Obviously this is a problem you'll need to overcome if you want to have a satisfied client.

(4/6) Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)19:42 No. 1072203 ID: 435f13
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You need to source your Blessed Clay.

Bloober Stoobins the traveling merchant has a load of Blessed Clay suitable to our needs, but he's charging well over our predicted price: 3,500gp! He claims that a golem war in a distant land has raised the price of Blessed Clay all over the continent.

We could try to find another merchant, or haggle with Bloober to lower his price.

For 200gpWe could send out an expedition to the Omaz Delta where the sacred river Omaz flows to the sea. The entire river is holy and produces some of the most potent Blessed Clay for making golems in the world.

The swamps of the delta are perilous, however, and our expedition has a 1/5 chance it will fail and a 1/20 chance it may not return at all!

(5/6) Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)19:42 No. 1072204 ID: 435f13
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Lastly, you've decided to found a new religion as a source of holy power to animate the golem.

Founding a cult is easy and cheap. Unfortunately, animating a golem requires actual divine intervention, which means just putting on robes and drinking powdered fruit drink won't cut it. We need a real actual god backing this.

Since you don't want to use a preexisting religion, we'll need a god not currently being worshipped as the center of an active cult.

After consulting the literature for deities without active cults, our fiends have discovered two gods who might suit our needs:

Inazerathoth former god of the Shungath civilization before they angered him and he plunged their city into the darkness beneath the sea. Inzaerathoth has a long history with animating golems and several of his guardians still prowl the sunken streets of the former Shungath civilization.

Inazerathoth demands living sacrifices and it will cost one mortal life per golem to be animated, as well as every job going forward must begin with the ritual sacrifice of a living mammal no smaller than a goat.

Or we could choose Blessed Mother Milmar, a lesser fertility goddess looking to break into the big time. She has never made a golem but she loves boobs and is willing to give it a try. Milmar requests that our business adhere to the highest standards of environmental ethics, and that we expend at least 1000gp per job to helping endangered wildlife.

(6/6) Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)19:44 No. 1072206 ID: 435f13
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Mission Update (communicated via messenger bat):

Zelda and Mr. Legs have descended to the banks of the river Styx at the mouth of the underworld.

The Ferryman demands 2gp per passenger to ferry them across the river to the underworld.

Mr. Legs is requesting 4gp to continue the journey.

Zelda feels bad for all the souls stuck on the banks of the river for all eternity because they can't pay the fare. She is requesting 22gp to cross the river as well as pay the fares of all the trapped shades.

Apples 2023/09/11(Mon)20:00 No. 1072207 ID: 435f13
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>>1072204

Oh yes I nearly forgot. It cost us 500gp to consult the Infernal Archives.

Gotta watch out for those research fees!

The best way to make booba not harden: a mix of fertility goddess intervention and time magic! Make those hardened holy tits act like boobs via loopholing time!

>boob golem won't bounce
Incorrect. Golems are animated, and can move. Simply instruct the golem to deform like it has breast physics (while adhering to the attachment point). It'll be hardened clay, but will *act* like it isn't. If doing so would cause superficial cracks (idk how golem joints work normally) then cover them in a flesh-colored stretchy fabric or something.

>Bloober Stoobins
3000gp and you won't curse his horse in retaliation for wasting your valuable time. Also you'll use him for all your future clay needs.

>golem god?
We're not planning on specializing on boob golems, so Inazerathoth sounds like the best plan for our homebrew golem religion. Goats are cheap, but the mortal life cost per golem is a problem... we'll have to outsource it. Death row prisoners, maybe? Are there any universally hated mortal species that have no legal rights? We could just go bandit hunting or other bounty hunting type stuff to capture live victims without getting on the wrong side of the law.

>adventurers want more cash
Sure, give them 22g. Do not give any gold they're not immediately spending; isn't there something about leaving material possessions behind?

>>1072202
Get to work on researching various putties. You need a substance with a high tensile strength under intense pressure, yet capable of sustaining standard neurons in mid-range environments.
Remember, in the long run we want to grow or simulate nerve receptors. Bonus points if we can create storage tanks for nontoxic fluids.
>>1072203
Do the expedition. I like those odds. Tell the goblins that clay will be secondary if they can find something that costs more than 3,000 GP.
>>1072206
Cheap, but I don't want this to become an endless money sink. Give them 300 GP and tell them not to bug us unless they find an opportunity that will net them a profit of 300 GP or more.
>>1072204
Inazerathoth may be a golemachinist expert, but his track record shows red flags - namely the fact that he does not show any loyalty to subordinates who happen to anger him. With our laisses-faire approach to employees, it won't be long before he gets fuming violet about something.
Milmar is an enthusiast and her charter includes sustainable business practices. I think it's obvious that the latter is the better choice for the long term.
As for sacrificial costs, ask her which species are endangered and what vermin needs culling. Nature ain't a pacifist, they're an anti-extremist.

>>1072204
>who to worship
The elderich may know how to build regular golems, but the fertility goddess WILL know what good boobs feel like. I bet her worship involves wild parties too, so company morale will be less of an issue even if the cleanups will be.

>>1072206
>Zelda feels bad for all the souls stuck on the banks of the river for all eternity because they can't pay the fare.
We can spare the budget. Have her fraternize with them too, in case we find anyone with expertise we'll need in the future. Then we have a favor, even if we need to spare any lawyers or auditors for whatever possible underworld bureaucracy awaits them.

There's also the recent Golem War going on. In fact, as deaths in war are often very unexpected, its' victims are more likely to not have the fare. They're bound to know something about we can use to our advantage, either to haggle or better inform the expedition. Especially if there's secrets. Or treasure. Or treasurible secrets.

oh both of them seem to have one half of what we need if only we could merge the two of them together then they would be perfect for us wait a moment cat wizard I remember an old ritual to merge to gods together it was mostly used by old gods when they can't solve there bickering but it should work for us to get the best of both worlds and it only cost us 10 gold to do what do you say boss

>>1072204
I say we go with Milmar as the other guy seems like a risky business partner (what with drowning his previous worshippers). Also I bet we could get Milmar to go along with a whole line of animated golem "marital aids" so long as we sold it to her as a sex positivity thing and that could open up future revenue streams to balance out those wikdlife donations she wants.

>>1072209
Actually, we should give them 26 gold. They're gonna need to be ferry'd back over when they leave.

>>1072287
Do we even need clay we could have milky godess curse/bless transmute her into a milk dragon probably